Reasons for the destruction of relationships. Simple techniques to be happy

A lot of articles have been written on the topic of how to build harmonious relationships, what needs to be done to make the union long and strong, how to find your soul mate, how to make yourself and your partner happy. But there are not so many articles on how to behave in order to end up with nothing. And really, why do we need such articles? Probably then, to reflect and draw the right conclusions.

Psychics and healers are convinced that our health and luck depend on whether we know how to love and whether we were once loved. Many women, meeting that very one, do not get tired of improving their partner, while completely ignoring their own far from ideal qualities. And then these women cannot understand why the man whom they seemed to surround with care and wished only the best left them?

So, what you need to do in order for a man to leave you:

1. To be jealous of a partner with or without reason at the same time, constantly telling him what a womanizer he is, Don Juan, that your relationship means nothing to him, etc. Do you know this is the most the right way to lose a man, because over time he comes to a simple but fair truth - it is better to be than to be known ...

2. Constantly tell him to ask for advice on working with you or with one of the employees, of course he is well done and professional, but you never know! Never question the professional abilities of your man, it hurts just the same as if you doubted his male strength.

3. Praise familiar men, setting them as an example to your husband. Or give compliments to men in the presence of your other half. And is it worth it then to be surprised when your partner makes room for a more worthy applicant?

4. Check what's in your loved one's pockets and wallet! And also don't forget about mobile phone, because it is not known who calls him and sends SMS, and suddenly you have a rival for a long time! Nothing undermines a relationship quite like distrust and intrusion on personal space, so think about it before you dig into his pockets.

5. Do not forget to remind your faithful about former passions, during scandals and quarrels! At the same time, saying that he would probably be much better off with one of his former mistresses than with you! If you repeat this often, then, in the end, the man will agree with you.

6. Every day at dinner, ask where and with whom and for what reason your beloved met. At first, your husband will begin to come later, for example, when you are already sleeping, in order to avoid such questions, and then he will collect things altogether - and be healthy!

7. Forbid your husband "small pleasures", like "beer on Fridays with friends", no friends - you are his best friend! By doing so, you do not just deprive him of communication with friends, you make a henpecked out of him!

8. Praise less often - scold more often! Believe me, very soon there will be one who caresses and appreciates, unlike you!

9. Speak negatively about his parents and categorically refuse to communicate with them! His mother is hysterical, and his father is spineless, you do not intend to tolerate their presence in your house! When speaking badly about his parents, remember one thing - parents are not chosen, despite your sympathies, for a husband these are the dearest people!

10. Arrange a test of feelings for your beloved by flirting with men, let the husband keep his finger on the pulse! Do not be surprised when one day you are convicted of infidelity and you will have nothing to hide, because you constantly gave rise to jealousy!

11. Tell the children what a good-for-nothing father they have, what his shortcomings are, it is advisable to do this with her husband. Leaving you for another woman, he will give you a weighty reason for such an act - in this family, even his own children do not respect him ...

12. Make your husband return home on time, regard any delay as disrespectful to you and roll up a grandiose scandal about this. Soon you will appreciate all the benefits of your behavior - your husband will not want to return to a house that resembles a strict security establishment.

13. Spend holidays apart more often, that's right - you need to rest from each other, but who said that your husband will rest in splendid isolation?

14. In the presence of strangers, make comments to your husband, and what's wrong with that, if you are guilty, let him be responsible for his actions! Very soon, your man will think, is it worth it to be next to a woman who not only sees only the bad in me, but also humiliates me in public?

15. Learn to drive better than a husband and when he is driving, constantly comment on his lack of professionalism.

16. Radically change your appearance, while it is desirable to change beyond recognition, and nothing that your husband does not like blondes and he liked yours so much long hair. But all the friends approved of your short haircut and blond hair.

17. In fits of rage, call your husband the names of various animals, in the end, he will offer you to connect your fate with a normal man, and not with the goat that is now with you.

18. Invite only your relatives and friends to visit, because they are so wonderful with you, not like your husband. As a result, your faithful will go to the house where his loved ones will become welcome guests.

19. Do not go to the cinema and theater with your husband, it is so boring with him, it is more interesting with a girlfriend, you can discuss the actors, plot, bed scenes. As a result, he will offer you to stay with his girlfriend, since you have so much fun together.

20. Reproach your husband for not understanding anything in raising children, well, still, you have this knowledge in your blood, but where does he get it from?

I think that many women, after reading what was written, found at least a couple of points that have firmly settled in their lives. Try to reconsider your attitude towards the man who is next to you. No wonder they say that water wears away a stone. It would seem that not very offensive statements and actions over time nullify even the strongest relationships. Women often do not realize that a man next to them ceases to be a person, their desire to completely and completely take over his life, his thoughts, his goals ultimately deprive a man of the most precious thing that each of us has - freedom. Freedom of choice, freedom of thought, freedom of action, etc. You can’t order a man to be there, you can surround him with love and care, and he himself will once again not want to drink beer somewhere with friends. Love does not tolerate humiliation and mistrust. Partnership presupposes equality, if it is not there, then these are no longer partners.

You can give an infinite amount of advice, but it will not help unless you yourself come to understand many things. I had one story from my life, unfortunately, with a sad ending. My friend got married not just for sympathy, they were very strong feelings, passion, romance. In general, I rarely met such relationships, and it seemed that nothing could destroy them, people were simply made for each other. But, alas, after a few years the couple broke up and not because of another woman, the husband simply left my friend and began to live with his parents. And it all started from the smallest - he did not know how to make coffee, then he would brew a weak one, then too bitter. At first, she made fun of him, saying that you would take from a man. Then it began to annoy her, saying how many times I told you how to brew correctly, but you still can’t figure it out! Then comparisons began, here Tanya’s husband, not only that he prepares such breakfasts and brings coffee to bed, but how can you ask for this? It is impossible to drink your coffee, and what you cook will be scary to eat! There were other points that I wrote about, for example, my husband's parents were always persona non grata in their house. As a result, the man could not come to terms with the fact that over the years of his married life they suppressed, first of all, a man - strong, strong-willed, decisive. My friend still considers him guilty of breaking up, she tried for him! By the way, now he has a different family and he still doesn’t know how to cook breakfast and coffee, but he doesn’t need it, because his wife does it!

Although trying to break up a couple can be very dangerous, but if you think that the person who is in a relationship with someone else is really your soul mate, then you should try. To break a pair, you will have to go through several stages, the first of which is the planting of a seed of doubt, which will make the break inevitable. Such actions are unethical if you do them for the benefit of someone important to you.

Steps

Part 1

How to sow the seed of distrust

1. Don't tell anyone about your plans. Although you think that there is nothing reprehensible in your desire to break up a couple in order to be happy with your loved one, the people around you may have a radically opposite opinion. Therefore, to begin with, do not tell anyone about what you are planning to do, because, firstly, this information may reach one of the members of the couple, and secondly, it may encourage other people to stand in your way.

   • If you have set yourself such a goal, make sure that you are absolutely sure that you are doing the right thing. If the breakup is due to an outside force (you) and not because of relationship problems, then the couple may have lingering feelings for each other, which can become even stronger over time.

2. Make sure you really want to be with this person. If you want to share the man or woman of your dreams with his or her soul mate, then, like Iago from Othello (but less cunningly), you must slowly but surely infiltrate the relationship of this couple. To do this, you must ensure that the person you like begins to trust and open up to you. Become understanding, responsive and sympathetic, show that you are a good listener. At first, the person you like may not tell you the details of their relationship, but over time they will open up.

   • Just one warning: there is a difference between becoming a confidant and getting into the friend zone with the object of your passion. Make sure you don't act too friendly, as the person you like will only see you as a friend and won't have a love interest in you.

3. Allow this person to be open about the shortcomings in his or her relationship. The worst tactic you can take is to openly criticize this person's or their partner's relationship, or make him or her feel like he or she is in a doomed relationship. This will cause the person you like to feel angry, get defensive, and start making efforts to build a relationship with their partner. No one likes to admit defeat, especially in a relationship, so you should wait for the person to see and understand the problem on their own.

   • You can start by letting the person talk about their relationship. Ask innocent questions. For example, if you know that a band a girl likes played at a club the night before and her boyfriend didn't come with her, then you can innocently ask if she enjoyed the show.
   • Or just ask how her evening went. If the girl you like looks sad, ask how her weekend was and just wait for her to tell you all the details.
   • Ask, "How did you feel about it?" Be sociable by asking general issues since it will encourage the person to be more talkative and start looking for cracks in his or her relationship.
   • Unfortunately, perhaps you are trying to break up a couple that is in a great relationship, then it will be very difficult for the person you like to find something negative in their relationship. But if you managed to become an attorney for your object of passion, then you can say that his or her relationship is far from perfect.

4. Play the part of the devil's advocate. When a person starts to open up to you about the problems and shortcomings of their relationship with his or her partner, the worst thing you can do is agree completely or say something like "You deserve much better than this." This will show the person that you have ulterior motives. Instead, act a little distant or embarrassed, getting the person to talk more about their problems and explain why he or she is really unhappy and why his or her partner is anything but perfect.

   • If the person has to explain their frustration and you can get them to keep talking, they will see the problems in the relationship more clearly for themselves.
   • Just let the person keep talking and sooner or later they will say something negative. If you ask the right questions, then it will help you better understand the problems in the relationship of the person you like.
   • You should not criticize his relationship, as this will not play into your hands. If, in the end, you find yourself together, then no one can blame you for sabotaging your partner's previous relationship.

   Part 2

   Make breakup inevitable

   1. Become the perfect person for your object of affection. Even without completely changing your personality, you can try to become exactly the person that your loved one or loved one is looking for in a relationship. For example, if a girl complains that her boyfriend never asks about her feelings, then make sure you do it. Or, if a girl wants her boyfriend to share her interests, then learn to rock climb or find a new vegan restaurant to surprise her and show that you are interested in the same as she is.

      • It's not as manipulative as it sounds. If you want to be with a person out of good intentions, then you must want to be the perfect partner for him, right?
      • You don't have to do something big. If a girl complains that her boyfriend never does her a favor, bring her lunch or coffee if she's having a hard day at work.
      • Do not overdo it. Your actions to be the perfect person for your crush will automatically place you in the role of boyfriend or girlfriend for the person you like, but don't overdo it at this stage. Do not give flowers or talk about how beautiful she is.

   2. Be close to the person you like. This does not mean that you should follow him around, or run after him like a dog. This means that you should spend some time together at first... and over time, do it all the time. Offer to give her a ride to university, have lunch together, or play tennis until you eventually become part of his or her daily routine. Make sure you don't become obsessive or overbearing.

      • Don't be "too" dependent. The object of your sympathy must see that you have your own life - except for the one where you are trying to destroy his or her relationship.
      • Being around the person you like often will show him or her what it's like to be in a relationship with you. It must create in him or in her good feelings to you.

   3. Find weak spots in the relationship of this couple. Every couple has their weak points. For example, they are the type of people who have a habit of swearing when they are at big parties with lots of alcohol. Great - invite them both to your next party. Suppose you like a guy whose girlfriend spends too much money on alcoholic drinks, then tell him about a new gadget, without which he simply cannot live. Or, for example, you like a guy whose girlfriend is obsessed with her appearance. Take her on a shopping trip.

      • When you understand what problems exist in the relationship of this couple, and there can be a great many of them, you can exacerbate them and make the situation even worse. Turn a small crack into a huge hole until they have no choice but to go their separate ways.
      • If one of the partners in a couple wants to have a wedding and the other doesn't, then find a way to raise the issue of marriage. Talk about your parents' wedding anniversary, invite the couple to your friends' engagement party, or even send them a catalog wedding rings by mail.

   4. Try to separate the members of the couple. Most fast way to make the members of a couple lose interest in each other is to help them have a great time apart. Invite the girl you like to a girl's party - or better yet, introduce her to a guy she might like. If you want the members of this couple to spend as much time apart as possible, then make sure they enjoy themselves at a distance from each other.

      • Don't be obvious about your intentions. Just suggest some activities that naturally will keep them apart.

   5. Build trust in the friends of the person you like. If you really think that your crush is in a terrible relationship and that he or she would be better off around you, then chances are high that his or her friends are of the same opinion. In this case, you should befriend his or her friends, but try not to be feigned, just make them believe that you are good man. This will cause your crush's friends to ask him or her, "Why are you still with that loser? Why don't you start dating Peter?"

      • When you hang out with your crush's friends, don't give him or her too much attention. Don't let your friends think you're only hanging out with them because of your love interest, just show them that you're the perfect candidate for a relationship with the person you like.

   6. Don't be intrusive. There is a difference between being close friends and being close to a person and acting like you can't live without them and want to spend all your time with them despite his or her relationship. Don't try to spend time with the person if you know they have a date, a romantic date, or if you know the couple wants to spend time together. Otherwise, the person you like will start to think that you are too intrusive and sticky, and no one likes this in a relationship.

      • You can be close to someone even if you don't call or text every five minutes. Set up a trap and wait for him or her to fall into it.

   7. Make the object of your affection jealous of you. Most effective method making the person you like realize what he or she is missing is jealousy. This does not mean that you should specifically use the other person to cause jealousy; just start spending more time with a close friend of the opposite sex, or go on a couple of harmless dates and tell your crush about it. You will be surprised how quickly you will appear in a new light and the situation will be resolved in your favor. Sometimes it's good to remind a person that you won't be around forever.

      • This will make the person you like think things like, “Oh no! my great friend can take me away... oh wait a second, why should I care? Could this also mean that I have feelings for him/her?

   8. Act ethically if your crush has ended their relationship. If the object of your sympathy breaks off his relationship not for you, then you should not immediately pounce on the person and invite him to meet. Instead, you must continue to be good friend, a sympathetic listener and just a shoulder to cry on, as the object of your sympathy will experience the sad emotions that accompany any breakup, even if it was planned.

      • Tell your crush that you will be there if he or she needs to talk and that you can't even imagine what he or she is going through.
      • Still, don't talk bad about the other person. If you call your crush's ex-partner names, he or she may get angry.
      • Think about what can cheer up the object of your sympathy. Give her a funny plush toy or go see a comedy movie. Just don't do anything too romantic.

   Part 3

   Make your new relationship last

   1. Don't be too pushy. While you may have been waiting for months (or even longer!) for their relationship to fall apart and you finally be able to be together with your loved one, this does not mean that you should immediately move in, start dating and introduce the guy or girl of your dreams to your parents. and fifty closest friends. Instead, try not to rush. Even if you decide to start dating, don't spend every minute of every day together - meet a couple of times a week to give him or her time to recover.

      • by the most the best option will allow the person to recover and not force him into a new relationship until he is ready. But if you have strong feelings, it's easier said than done.

   2. At first, try to talk as little as possible about your ex or your former passion. Although earlier, you may have discussed past relationships for hours, but after a breakup, this is not best time reminisce about old relationships. You should not pretend that the former partner does not exist, you should still avoid talking about him or her until your passion has completely moved away from former relationship. This may take time, perhaps months or even a year.

      • Of course, if the person really wants to talk about past relationships, then you shouldn't change the subject. But you can say that in your opinion, in order to focus on a new relationship, you should let go of the past and move on.

   3. Enjoy the relationship here and now. Don't get stuck in the past, and don't worry and try to be perfect for your partner, just be yourself. If you are really destined to be together, then you will be able to find the path to true happiness. Don't compare yourself to your loved one's past partner, and don't try to be their complete opposite, and don't pretend to be someone else.

      • Of course, you can use some sneaky tactics to start a relationship, but if you want it to last, then you should only think about the two of you together and nothing else.
      • Even if you've had a strong friendship in the past, you should still find new ways to spend time together as a couple that will keep you from thinking about the past.

   4. Don't dwell on the past, or your relationship won't last very long. It might be hard for you. Your crush ended her old relationship for you - who said it won't happen again and your loved one won't be able to find someone who is even better suited to him? Naturally, no one can promise that this will not happen, but in order to not go crazy and build a healthy relationship, you should convince yourself that the previous breakup was predetermined and that you and your partner are really made for each other. And it won't happen again.

      • If you are constantly interested in what the ex-partner of your passion is doing or will be constantly jealous when your loved one spends time with the opposite sex, then you will predetermine the negative outcome of your relationship.
      • If you are really destined to be with each other for a long time, then in the long run, you will understand that you need to stop worrying about ex-partners and relationships. But this will take several months or even years. But if you are together for a long time, then you must forget the past, it will be worth it.
   • It is very important that you do not position yourself as a relationship destroyer, otherwise, you will be rejected and distrusted.
   • If the relationship falls apart, then they will fall apart without any help. Ultimately, you may not need to do anything.
   • If you want to start a relationship with one of them, then give him or her time to move on from the breakup. There is a chance that he or she will realize that the previous relationship fell apart because of you.
   • If you are friends with the couple you are breaking up, then you may be drawn into a secret relationship.
   • You should communicate with one of the partners in a pair (and never with the other). Make sure you constantly intrude into the conversation with them! Don't let them talk in private. Constantly send messages to one of them so they can't communicate.

   Warnings

   • It is very difficult to break up a couple who has just started dating and is in the candy-flower courtship phase.
   • Your actions may be regarded as unethical.
   • When you're at the final stage, make sure no one knows your intentions so you don't get caught when you're this close to reaching your goal.
   • Be careful not to get involved in the quarrels of the couple you are trying to separate.
   • We hope that you are not so stupid and selfish as to actually try some of the above nonsense.

Relationship breakdown is one of the most common problems and traumas of today. For personal freedom and freedom of choice won after Victorian era when it was simply impossible to get a divorce, we pay with the weight of losses. The trouble seems to creep up gradually, imperceptibly, slowly, after which it explodes and poisons everything around with a poisonous cloud. Each of us is familiar with such stories. This was experienced either by parents, relatives, friends or ourselves. Someone was able to survive and be reborn from the ashes, it broke someone.

Having a large therapeutic practice and conducting a program to overcome the state of separation, I will present the most common causes leading to the destruction of relationships. Armed with knowledge, you can be more conscious, competent in your relationships, anticipate, recognize in time warning signs and, as a result, maintain relationships and strengthen them. Or to understand why the relationship did not work out, this will make it a little easier.

irresponsible choice

Everyone, undergoing the collapse of parting, tends to be captured by an avalanche negative feelings, suffer and blame yourself or another for the fact that everything is missed and spoiled. However, one of the most good reasons The breakdown of relationships is that people were not suitable for each other initially. They didn’t approach the issue of choosing a partner, this “most important interview in life”, or they didn’t choose it at all, everything happened as if “by itself”.

The process of choosing a partner must be managed very responsibly, clearly understand who you are, what qualities you have, what you need and what you can and should invest in relationships. Having assessed yourself responsibly and fairly, look for a mate, having very clear selection criteria. Do not hope that the partner will be a wizard / sorceress, and pulling you out of the swamp, will consider, disenchant the princess / prince from the frog. Wizards have their own plans. They are looking for witches. And to become a prince / princess is your completely doable task. (Who doubts - everyone to the program "Awareness and change of life scenario"!)

To suit each other includes many factors, without denying biological ones, we will focus on social and psychological ones. Here are some of them: level, pace and direction of personal development, level of education, general goals, values, attitudes, age, status, income level. In a short period, it is extremely difficult to get to know a person well and make a conscious choice, so there is a sufficient period before the decision on serious relationship very important.

naivete

Not getting to know each other well enough does not mean remaining in holy ignorance, more often it means experiencing impermissible illusions, being naive, not fulfilling one of the critical tasks relationships - to know and accept a person as he is. The result of a real relationship is inevitably the debunking of illusions. More often, the cause is seen in a partner than in oneself. The process of recognition in this case ends very badly, when confronted with the reality that comes out. What you did not want to notice initially becomes obvious. This frustration is much harder to overcome in a serious relationship than in the process of getting to know each other. It's safer not to pledge your heart until you've gotten to know your partner enough.

Pace and direction of development

Personality is a developing system, it is constantly in motion. It is pleasant and useful to develop hand in hand in one or a similar direction, to support, inspire and help each other on this difficult path. Improving and strengthening relationships is guaranteed.

It is deplorable if one of the pair develops faster / slower than the other or in different directions. This inevitably leads to estrangement and complicates relationships. What used to suit you ceases to suit or starts to annoy because it is outdated. Needs, requests grow or transform, values ​​change, dissatisfaction grows. It is difficult to manage the pace and direction of development, but it is possible by periodically comparing landmarks.

Dissatisfaction

Dissatisfaction can be a source of irritation, the cause of a break, or, in a small dose and finding a way out, be the engine in the development of relationships. In the case when dissatisfaction accumulates over the years, initially was the result of uncertainty, avoidance of open presentation of one's needs and patience, it can lead to separation.

Satisfied needs make a person happy and satisfied. It is important to remember that the child can count on the satisfaction of the needs of the parents. An adult is obliged to understand, recognize and satisfy his needs on his own. Only a small part of the needs healthy relationships sold to partners.

Child-Parent Projections

The problem of child-parent projections in partnerships is very relevant. It manifests itself in an unconscious desire to receive unconditional acceptance and love from a partner, to hope that in a couple all his childhood traumas and needs will be taken into account and satisfied. It manifests itself in the form of an excessive demand for attention, an excessive desire to please, to earn favor, or an excessive openness, nakedness, presence, dissolution.

It is as if a partner is trying to fill an immense void inside. Such hopes come into conflict with the idea partnerships. A husband/wife is not and should not play the role of a father/mother to their partner, saving them from childhood traumas and fears of reality. Only awareness of child-parent projections will free from this conflict. The ability to be responsible for oneself and relationships is an adult characteristic and mandatory conditions strong healthy relationships.

Projection of the ideal partner

Projection ideal partner represents a general cultural phenomenon that has engulfed our culture over the past few centuries and has been exacerbated Lately. Mass culture is full of and infects with the idea of ​​finding an ideal, only partner, a feeling of falling in love, similar to a religious experience. The deception lies in the fact that the ideal must be sought not in a partner, but in the depths of one's own soul. This is a complex, long and scrupulous work of self-knowledge. A real partner can never and should never live up to the ideal. He is alive, therefore, human in all manifestations.

Men are more susceptible to this projection, this period lasts up to 3 years or less, after which the magic dissipates and strong disappointment and resentment sets in, as if it was not he who was deceived, but the partner was deceiving all this time. The best thing to do in this situation would be the partner's position - not to support the projection, although it can be very pleasant when you are deified, but to refuse to take it personally every time. Be yourself, real person accepting its complexities and shadow sides.

Not being able to manage relationships

In those pairs where there are no relationship management mechanisms, even with good initial data, they can reach a dead end and crash. Without control, any process leads to an unpredictable result. Management needs clear goals (what do we want to have?), deadlines (when?), and tools (how?). Plan your relationship, set specific goals, define criteria, manage them.

Useful: sort things out, clarify them, talk about relationships, talk about your feelings without making your partner feel guilty, be aware of the degree of your satisfaction, talk about it, be able to cooperate - this will save you from disaster. Maintain relationships in good quality a sufficient degree of openness will help so that you can observe their development and correct if something suddenly goes wrong.

It is important that both partners participate in this, so that both of you will be in a mature position. Highlight a certain period of our relationship, determine the characteristics of relations at the beginning of this period and at the end, note what and how has changed and why. In the event that everything happens by itself, your relationship is in danger. Discuss with your partner what you want from your relationship in the near future and identify ways to achieve this goal, achieve them together and get a sense of satisfaction from creation. This is how you learn to manage your relationships.

Exchange balance

Relationship quality can be measured in two ways. in simple words- exchange balance. This concept is characterized by the amount of attention, love, participation, efforts, actions, emotional and behavioral characteristics involved in the exchange between people. One can speak of a positive or negative balance and an exchange of good and evil. It is not difficult to determine this, after listening to yourself, you will understand how much and what you are investing in a relationship.

A stable balance brings stability. Getting as much as invested is accompanied by a sense of justice, satisfaction. A disturbed balance drains the one who gives more and destroys the relationship. Any distortions are fraught with a gradual but steady deterioration in relations and a break. The situation when one person manages the relationship, and the other does not, demonstrates an upset balance. You can only measure balance and evaluate your relationship from a conscious position.

contradictions

Contradictions in relationships exist and will always exist, as a consequence of differences between people. They create the uniqueness and individuality of each of us. Every person is a cosmos.

Those contradictions that are not overcome turn into difficulties, accompanied by conflicts, scandals and misunderstanding. Stubbornness, despotism, the desire to insist on one's own, to the detriment of the needs of a partner, destroy relationships. Having once stumbled over insurmountable contradictions, a couple may drift away enough to break up.

Contradictions require attention and skill to overcome. Behind each of them is a simple human need. They seem to collide with each other and conflict. Intrapersonal conflicts, of the same nature, are experienced very painfully. serious condition each of us felt the inner split.

In a pair, contradictions separate, move away from each other, cause a desire to insist on one's own, defend one's position, suppress, win. Confrontation or concessions are poor helpers in overcoming contradictions. The best way is cooperation. It is necessary to recognize the need behind each position, and the right of each of the partners to satisfy their needs, then unite together and invent new way problem solving, in which each of the needs will be satisfied. This is difficult to understand and implement, but it is possible and necessary for the couple to stay together. The process unites, unites, helps understanding, develops creativity and cooperation.

Unhealthy relationship habits

Unhealthy relationship habits – secretiveness, deceit, aggressiveness, a tendency to emotional or physical violence, psychological games and manipulation - too heavy unconscious legacy of family traditions, destroy relationships.

Often the moments of openness of one of the partners are accompanied by the abuse of his vulnerability by the other. For intimacy, a person pays with pain. This is how dissatisfaction, closeness, resentment, a sense of danger accumulate. These habits require awareness, long and meticulous work on yourself and relationships. Trust and sincerity is the true benefit that you will receive as a result. You can ensure your own safety, forbid your partner to do bad things to you.

Monotony

Monotony is another feature in connection with which relationships can come to a standstill. The use of a limited arsenal of strategies in a relationship causes calm and stability, and then boredom. If there are few strategies, they will lead to the same results, or they may even become so obsolete that they cease to bring good result. We need to look for new and successful interaction strategies. Be open to new knowledge and new actions. Sometimes it's good to do something different than usual, get the result and evaluate it. Get a good result, solidify this new strategy and praise yourself. Flexibility promotes diversity and is good medicine from stagnation and boredom.

One or more reasons lead relationships to a standstill and destroy them. The more of them, the more malignant destruction. A tangle of interconnected, supporting one another reasons is much more difficult to disassemble and unravel than one. At the same time, the onset of the point of no return leads to the collapse of the relationship. They either exhaust themselves to the end or die painfully and painfully. One or both partners, having lost hope to the end, move on to the stage of parting. There is a “veto right” of one, both when entering into a relationship, and when leaving it. Reviving a relationship is almost impossible if one has experienced a sense of global dissatisfaction and has passed the point of no return. Hope dies forever, but it's far from over. Relationships go to the stage of parting. Read about it in the next article.

How wonderful the relationship is at the very beginning: no quarrels, jealousy, great time together and other amenities. Seems like it will last forever.

However, six months / a year passes, and you begin to experience the first difficulties. Misunderstanding, frequent quarrels, groundless jealousy - where did it come from, because just recently everything was fine?

Do not rush into depression, because everyone faces difficulties. If you want to keep your love with your significant other, you need to learn how to overcome them. In the article we will talk about how not to spoil the relationship with the one you love. We will talk about 6 things that will continuously lead to a breakup. Be sure to get rid of them!

How not to ruin a relationship: 6 killers of your love

1. Jealousy

Sometimes girls even want to be jealous, because this makes them understand that they are valuable to their soulmate. However, over time it gets boring, especially if it is groundless. It suppresses, deprives of freedom, leads to negative thinking and quarrels, therefore, in all its manifestations, it slowly kills love. Do you want to know how not to ruin a relationship? First of all, you need to get rid of jealousy!

2. Desire to change partner

The desire to change your loved one is exactly what destroys relationships. It does not fit into the concept of love at all, because love implies that we like a person the way he initially is. Do not focus on the shortcomings of your soulmate, start changing yourself in better side. Your partner will definitely appreciate this, which will certainly lead to changes in his character. If you constantly show dissatisfaction, quarrels in relationships on this basis will gradually lead to their end.

3. Lie

As Dr. House said: "Everyone lies."

However, this genius of cynicism forgot to mention that it is exactly what destroys relationships. Lie to your loved one in the morning, day and night, with or without him, and then you will certainly part. If you don’t need unnecessary quarrels in a relationship based on deceit, train yourself not to lie even in simple things. Lying itself is not dangerous, but it leads to distrust, and distrust is the beginning of the end of your love.

4. Criticism of a partner

How not to destroy relationships? Do not criticize your partner! Of course, criticism can be constructive and very useful, but the main thing is to be able to present it correctly.

Let's take a banal situation in everyday life as an example: imagine that a wife has prepared unsalted borscht for her husband (who doesn't happen to). He can tell her “I won’t eat this borscht, it’s not salty at all, learn how to cook properly.” Where it leads? No good: in response, such a person will receive only negativity and, quite possibly, his wife will want to annoy him and do the same next time. However, if you present the problem more delicately: “Your borscht is very tasty as always, but it will become even better if you add a little salt to it,” then this will lead to a completely different reaction, and there will definitely not be a scandal.

5. Cruelty in any of its manifestations

We mean both moral and physical cruelty. If you are thinking with might and main about how to solve problems in a relationship, ask yourself, are you cruel to your soulmate? Maybe you do a lot of things to your loved one out of spite? Or are you deliberately trying to annoy him, often bring him to tears? Of course, there can be no talk of assault, because the common expression “beats means loves” does not really work in a relationship. Learn to restrain anger, even when all the circumstances of life are against you. It is important to be able not to break down on the one you value and love, and then everything will be in order.

6. Pessimism

Imagine that you presented a gift to your soulmate, and her response is a barely noticeable smile and a lack of emotion in her eyes. Would you like it? Probably not. The fact is that when one of the partners is a pessimist, the second begins to think that the problem of the eternal discontent of the first lies in him. In every possible way trying to correct the situation, he comes to the conclusion that all his attempts are futile, and this leads to disappointment and a showdown. If you want to know how not to ruin a relationship, learn to find joy in the little things.

Be grateful to your soulmate just for the fact that you have her!

How to solve relationship problems

Relationships are hard work, this is your joint business, which needs to be created from the little things. Any problem is a reason to get closer, not a threat of parting. Relationships do not need to be protected, because it is not Small child, you need to work on them: control yourself, look for compromises, look at situations from two points of view.

Follow the guidelines and you'll be fine. If you truly love your soulmate, then you will do everything to. Use the recommendations in this article, start applying them today, and your relationship will grow stronger and develop, and not decline under the weight of problems.

The candy-bouquet period is over. You have been dating for a long time and suddenly you begin to understand that the relationship has ceased to bring joy. Too many problems, mutual claims, accusations. The former lightness has disappeared, the intoxicating aroma of love has evaporated and you are no longer so good with this person. And the question arises point-blank: to restore the shaken balance or...

Unfortunately, not everything in this world can be fixed. And there are relationships that are better not to even try to fix. Psychologists call these relationships destructive. There are 5 simple signs, by which it is easy to diagnose sick relationships. In this article, you will get to know them and be able to easily diagnose: treat or quit.

First sign: lie

Consider how your relationship honest and transparent. Watch yourself. How often do you embellish or downplay the truth? Are you doing your best to be the way your loved one wants to see you?

The best thing you can do is be yourself! Be always honest and frank with a man. Don't be afraid to be misunderstood. If your partner is not ready to accept you, then perhaps this is for the best.

Second Sign: Isolation

This is a problem for many couples. Lovers are so absorbed in each other that they forget about the world around. A woman stops communicating with her friends, reading books, and developing. Her world narrows down to the interests and views of a man. A woman is lost, stewed, disappears… Do not allow this under any circumstances! Perhaps the problem is in you and you simply do not realize your exclusivity and beauty. Then my master class "" will help you. Work on yourself, get better, love yourself.

But maybe your partner filled all your space and you just don't have time for yourself. Think about it.

Third sign: constant negativity

One more feature destructive relationships are undeserved accusations, criticism and insults. If in any situation you find yourself “guilty” of a man’s mistakes, if he regularly shifts his responsibility onto you - such a situation dangerous. You cease to be yourself, you are afraid of a full and vibrant life, so that God forbid he doesn’t accuse you of something.

Insults, humiliation, inadequate criticism are emotional abuse. Do not justify a man in such situations. Don't let yourself be treated like this or leave.

Fourth sign: fear and pressure

Happy family life can only be built on mutual respect and acceptance. If your partner is only looking for an opportunity to somehow change something in you, such a relationship is doomed. No ideal people. If you both understand this, then learn to accept the other for who he is.

Happy relationships inspire us to be better, encourage us to work on ourselves. If you feel constant pressure you lose confidence in own forces, then it is better to leave this ship of love, and not wait until you are thrown overboard. And this will inevitably happen. After all, not one normal man not interested in a tortured and intimidated woman. Of course, if he is not a tyrant.

Fifth sign: lack of support

If you do not feel the support of a man, then why do you need this relationship at all? Your partner may not share your passions. He may not understand your desire to cross-stitch. But he will support you even when others stop believing. After all, he loves you and sincerely worries.

Criticism and indifference over time will lead to the fact that you yourself will begin to believe in your own helplessness and worthlessness. Do not destroy your life, it is better to give up such relationships.

If there are several signs in your relationship, it may not be all that bad. You just need to be honest with the man. And if all five - then it's bad. Either you yourself suffer from the syndrome of the victim, or your man is a uniform tyrant. Either way, this is your life. But it was not given to you for you to suffer.

If you feel that you are unhappy, that your wings seem to have been cut off - do not wait until magic fairy and solve your problems. Start yourself. Take the first step - download free book" " and let your inner woman fully open up and fill your life with magic!

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