Co-sleeping with a child: a whim or a blessing. With whom should the child sleep? How to sleep for parents and children: the best option

The uniqueness of the situation lies in the fact that none of the classical pediatricians says that the joint sleep of parents and children is necessary for the latter. On the contrary, they advocate the need to maintain a separate living space for the child, dad also has the right to share a bed with mom, etc. But, nevertheless, there is a huge number of books whose authors claim that co-sleeping parents and children is a vital necessity.

For example, according to the famous anthropologist James McKenna, a child, according to the structure of his body, is ideal for sleeping with his mother. But is it not more logical to consider that dad, in his structure, fits mom much better? We cannot consider the happiness of the child in isolation from the happiness of his parents, we cannot make him happy at the cost of the unhappiness of the father or the feeling of separation of the parents from each other. It is wrong to consider a man as a producer who has fulfilled his function and gone to sleep on a rug next to him.

Therefore, the advice to all mothers who have decided to sleep with their child is to still listen to the opinion of the father, since family happiness is determined by the mutual consent of both parents, and not just the baby.
Many mothers whose children are breastfed claim that it is more convenient to sleep with them because of night feedings. At the same time, mothers whose children are bottle-fed and also sleep in a separate bed, the question arises: do their babies have enough tactile contact with their mother? Representatives of today's fashionable profession "Breastfeeding Consultant" seek to convey to the woman the need to feed the baby on demand. But, oddly enough, this is driven by a lack of desire to make the mother happy, and the conclusion of a woman in the strict framework of "I must." They try to convince us in every possible way that if a woman does not sleep at night, falls off her feet from fatigue, feeds the child at first squeak and sleeps with him, then she - full-fledged mother. And vice versa, if the baby sleeps in her crib, the mother feeds him by the hour (or, God forbid, the child does not receive a breast) and has time to rest herself, then such a mother is inferior, and therefore, various complexes begin to arise in her about the fact that her child does not enough contact.

Doctors strongly recommend learning to distinguish animal contact from human contact. Human contacts are intelligence and communication. You can give a child warmth and comfort not only by constantly applying it to the chest, but also by talking to him, feeding him from a bottle. It's not about whether it's better or worse. The point is that a woman who cannot breastfeed a baby due to any circumstances does not become a stepmother for him. And for the manifestation of maternal care, tenderness and warmth, she has many alternative ways. Of course, there are families who do not experience discomfort from co-sleeping with their children, children can come to their parents' bed at night, and their parents welcome them with joy. One example of such families is the family of William and Martha Sears. They have eight children, William is a pediatrician, Martha is a lactation consultant. Together they wrote many books on how to raise and raise happy children and still be happy parents. All this is fine if in such a situation all family members are happy. But the Sears family model is built exclusively on children. This is a family that exists solely for the sake of children, in which the social significance of a woman is determined only by the word “mother.” What is Martha Sears without eight children? She only teaches everyone how to be realized in this world, being only a mother. But the majority modern women see their social significance elsewhere. The Sears write books that make them known to the whole world about how to improve only in raising children, but for other people with one or two children, these recommendations are useless. If you decide to devote your life to children, this is your right and happiness, but it is no less great to be an economist, lawyer, doctor, teacher or anyone else.

It is impossible to disagree with the opinion of psychoanalysts working with children of all age groups that the pleasant stay of the child in the same bed with the mother will not bear any consequences. There are several psychological problems that originate precisely in the joint relationship between parents and children. Problematic situations in which an adult man has sex with one woman and is married to another begin precisely with the fact that at one time his mother sent his father to sleep in another room. This question is very important in the context of those situations that the child himself will then live through. Those families in which the child manages to combine two images in the mother - a woman for the father, an imam for himself - turn out to be really happy. Having matured, he (if we are talking about a boy) will be able to find himself such a woman with whom he will have sex (and enjoy it) and she will also be the mother of his children.

It remains to be added that the monstrous expansion of psychiatrists and psychologists who promote the fashion for the joint sleep of mother and child is a belief of recent years. The doctors have formulated their opinion, we have only one thing left: to think and make the right decision.

Co-sleeping is the key to successful breastfeeding!

Co-sleeping with baby- a topic for ongoing discussions. All those who are interested in raising children have their own uncompromising position on this issue. And I am no exception. My opinion is unequivocal, and it has already been tested by two young children: if you are in the mood for long breastfeeding, you need to organize co-sleeping with a baby!

Prejudices about the dangers of co-sleeping

The joint dream of mother and child is surrounded by many prejudices, unfounded fears and authoritative statements. For example, the most common myth is that a mother can "sleep" a child, that is, not notice and strangle him in a dream. Personally, this seems to me an implausible situation! The mother's sleep (especially in the first weeks after childbirth, when the child is still really helpless and cannot turn around on his own) and so, the mother's sleep is so sensitive that she does not even sleep in full meaning of this word, but is, as it were, half asleep. At the same time, her brain still rests, and the woman does not feel sleep deprivation. And at the same time, the brain constantly controls the behavior of the baby. It's a reflex! No matter how tired a woman is during the day, she will not be able to fall asleep so soundly as to crush her own child. In one of scientific works on this issue, I learned that only a mentally ill mother or woman in drunkenness exposes your child to the risk of being crushed while sleeping. In an ordinary normal mother, all reflexes and instincts work to maintain life and protect the child. So we completely dismiss this fear and attribute it to the category of the same ridiculous beliefs, such as, for example, a ban on cutting hair during pregnancy.

The second objection to the joint sleep of mother and child, I heard on TV on a program hosted by Dr. Komarovsky, a pediatrician I respect very much. In general, he has a negative attitude towards co-sleeping, explaining his position by the fact that the mother allegedly does not get enough sleep. The doctor expressed his opinion not aggressively, but allowing other positions. But here in the studio sat a woman - a psychologist (unfortunately, I did not remember her last name), who spoke more emotionally and stated that the joint sleep of male infants and their mothers could subsequently affect sexual orientation boys. She couldn't prove it with anything plausible. To be honest, I was even amused by this statement. If we think in this way, then let's believe that boys who suck milk from bottles get used to the bottle from childhood and eventually become alcoholics! Well, isn't that crazy???

I know for sure that every breastfeeding mother is much more comfortable and calmer when the baby sleeps next to her. Not in a separate bed, but next to it. As soon as the child stirs, the mother is already giving him a breast (neither he nor she even wakes up). And in the first 8-10 months, the baby breastfeeds at night every 2 hours! Doesn't open at all in the morning! So isn’t it easier not to bother and sleep peacefully for everyone, and not to jump to the crib, bring the child to scream, get annoyed by yourself (“that you are not sleeping”), wake up your husband and the whole family? It would seem that the choice is obvious. More precisely, when in the mood for breastfeeding, there is no choice. You need to sleep with the baby as long as he is breastfeeding, and plus at least another six months after the end of feeding.

Why do many breastfeeding mothers still try to put the baby in the crib? I know the answer: they do it at the behest of their husbands. In this case, husbands act as more important objects, claiming to share a dream with a young mother. Husbands believe that “there is nothing to pamper the child”, “let him get used to sleeping on his own”. This, in my opinion, pure water selfishness! And mothers go on about it, make sure their husbands are right, suffer from night jumps and eventually stop feeding, but continue to jump to the crib for up to three years. (At the same time, I note that the most ardent opponents of the joint sleep of mothers and children do not want to help their wife at night, but go to another room or order the wife to calm her child).

Sometimes grandmothers grumble about co-sleeping, but they explain this with the scary stories we talked about at the beginning of this article.

I encourage breastfeeding mothers full confidence defend your right to decide how your life with your baby will be organized. Don't forget to be prepared for anything. You can take your child to the hospital. Or maybe you want to travel. In these situations, your joint sleep with your child will ensure that you have this very dream anywhere! The child will not care where to sleep, as long as it is with you. And this, believe me, is worth a lot!

Rules for co-sleeping

I hope I have convinced you of the need for co-sleeping. Now let's see how best to organize it. So, basic rules for organizing joint sleep of mother and child.

1. Spacious bed, one side pressed against the wall. This is the most convenient springboard for your night life. The child lies closer to the wall, you are on the edge. Since at night you will need to constantly give the left, then right breast, in order to avoid stagnation of milk, then you yourself will turn around the child, but he will not move, so he will not fall off the bed.

2. The child sleeps without a pillow and without a blanket. The room should be warm enough, if it is cool - it is better to wear a warm undershirt. Your blanket should not be heavy and wadded. The best option is a light flannelette blanket.

3. Both the husband and the eldest child can also sleep with you (we also have a cat sleeping right there). But calculate the size of the bed so that everyone is comfortable, spacious and comfortable. At the same time, the positions remain the same: the baby is closest to the wall, then you, and the husband and another child are at the edge. Older children, as a rule, themselves express a desire to sleep separately (if they see that, in principle, they are not kicked out, but on the contrary, they also have a place next to mom and dad). The possibility of co-sleeping reduces the degree of manifestation of jealousy of older children in relation to younger ones.

4. intimate question about intimate life spouses should also be taken into account. I think, loving people will be able to agree and somehow diversify their lives for a period breastfeeding. After all, you most likely have other rooms, and children fall asleep quickly and sleep soundly ... Appreciate the opportunities to avoid the routine that kills love!

5. And finally: co-sleeping helps to do without diapers, which, as you know, should not be carried away in order to avoid problems with the baby's skin! By arranging a simple device of oilcloth and a diaper, you can quickly change a diaper to another one at night (for example, when you change your breasts), and sleep peacefully further. For example, we do without diapers at night. We only use them for walking. Well, if you prefer diapers, then no problem at all! Make your night life even easier!

Concluding the conversation about the benefits of co-sleeping, let me remind you that according to statistics World Organization health care, such an inexplicable disease as sudden infant death syndrome almost never occurs when mother and child sleep together. Most of the known and described cases occurred when the infant was alone in his crib. Let this be another factor that convinces you of the need for co-sleeping! Wish good nights you, your children and everyone who lives nearby!

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53 comments

I read your article and breathed a sigh of relief! I thought it was wrong for me to let my baby sleep next to me. She wakes up every few hours at night for breastfeeding. As a result, I always take her to my bed, feed and sleep together until the morning. Thanks a lot for the article!

I propose to make a correction and name the article “Whom to sleep with a child” 🙂
Very right thoughts for those who are comfortable with this type of sleep. It was easier for me to sleep without my daughter. More precisely, she slept in a cradle next to her, at the level of the bed, but not with me in bed. She never had any sleep problems either. And the plus is that if the baby woke up not from hunger, but from a damp diaper, then I automatically slept on, and my dad changed the diaper without interrupting my sleep. This option is very suitable for all of us, but I do not argue that it is individual and for someone, co-sleeping is very convenient.

And my daughters and I suffered for the first week with a crib and with colic and switched to co-sleeping. And sometimes even to sleep "on my mother." We put dad in a separate room, since dad works seven days a week and he needs to sleep, and we ourselves occupied the nursery. Oh what a beauty! And everyone gets enough sleep, and when the teeth went - without special problems survived, and mom's first smile in the morning!
And we sold the baby crib, then, when the daughter wants her place, we will all go to choose together :)
By the way, my husband supported me in this matter. We all felt so comfortable. As a result, I always got enough sleep with the child, because the child did not even have time to wake up, but just started to get in, and the chest was already right there. And the husband also slept peacefully and woke up not from children's cries, but from the alarm clock. So let your kids sleep next to you, and this will help maintain a calm relationship in the family (at least at night), and you will not have unnecessary irritants and lack of sleep. Our baby is already 7 months old and for all this time I don’t know what it’s like not to sleep at night, we always sleep peacefully, of course she wakes up, but her mother is nearby and nothing more is needed.
And the beginning of the article, that it is impossible to crush a child, I think is simply criminal! What do you teach young mothers? It is possible to press down, it is very possible, even if not with your body, or maybe it’s awkward to stretch the blanket over yourself in a dream ... And if you also remember that recent weeks pregnancy, most women suffer from insomnia, just after childbirth begins deep sleep and, unfortunately, anything is possible ... The categorical tone of the article is just a little surprising 🙁 by the way, you shouldn’t scold dads like that, they don’t mind, I myself feel sorry for my husband, who has to get up for work anyway and hopes to just be alone with his wife are not enough for the next 3 year-horror
My baby is almost 2 months old. Slept with us for the first week. Then in the crib right next to ours. Now, if she can’t fall asleep at night from the second or third time, then they take her to her place, BUT I apparently don’t really understand something and therefore I ask for advice and explanations.
1. We have a rather hard mattress, but my daughter still seems to roll towards me.
2. If the child is constantly on the same side of the mother, then how can you alternate breasts with convenience and without waking up? I don’t want to put it between me and my husband, otherwise I don’t sleep at all, I’m afraid that I’ll crush it.
3. If the child is on one side and his neck is turned towards his mother, will he have problems with the neck and with the shape of the skull.
4. Is it possible for a mother to turn away from her child during sleep, but it is impossible to sleep on one side all night for several years.
Thank you in advance for your reply and special thanks for your hard work in writing interesting material.

Elena, please resolve my doubts! For the first month and a half, the child slept in his crib both during the daytime and at night. There were no problems, because He ate quickly and I calmly shifted him to bed. Then he began to eat for a long time and I sat nodding constantly at night. But it was tolerable. And then he grew up and I could not shift him - he constantly woke up, as soon as he was put down. At the initiative of the husband, they switched to co-sleeping right from the evening. So here is my problem. Now my son does not sleep during the day without me. It turns out that during the day he sleeps twice on the street and once at home with me. Have I spoiled him? Is such attachment to mother normal? How will it be with daydreams? And in the garden? And when will the baby be born? Here doubts overcome ... Simplifying my life now, am I complicating it for my child in the future? Thank you!

Elena, hello again! Again I have doubts. I watched a webinar with Olga Alexandrova about healthy sleep child and something embarrassed. In short, falling asleep with the breast develops an association that keeps the baby from falling asleep at night on its own when waking up. That is, I fell asleep with my breasts and my mother, I woke up with no mother, no breasts - panic, tears, stress. I fell asleep on my own, surrounded by some “plush” objects, woke up - everything is in place, you can continue to sleep. And frequent waking up at night, in this case, is associated with the inability to independently connect sleep cycles. Accordingly, poor-quality sleep in a child, lack of sleep and everything that follows.
And something is right here about us. Sonny sleeps, like a lot, but how well?
I thought.
Naturally, I am not going to wean from the breast, and the doctor (O. Aleksandrova) is not even against co-sleeping. But I think, I think. Not so much about myself, although it’s hard either to constantly run to the baby, or to sleep with him right away at night. How much about the son and the quality of his sleep. After all, in a dream, so many processes are happening to him now

Hello, Elena!
An interesting article, I fully support its provisions 🙂 With the first baby, everything was like that with us: comfortable joint sleep without running around, rash and breastfeeding, which is still slowly going on (baby 2.10). But in a few months we will have a second child. Nowhere can I find information on how to organize joint sleep with two children: a newborn and an older child. More precisely, I came across a lot of topics about successful co-sleeping with 2 or more children, but the question that worries me was not raised anywhere. Namely: will the eldest hurt the newborn? He likes to crawl over me in a dream, spins around his axis (sometimes his legs are at the head or sleeps at 90 degrees to me), sometimes he kicks in his sleep. I'm afraid that it can crush a fragile baby. We are already slowly moving out, he falls asleep in his bed, but at night he crawls to us anyway.

Babies usually end up in their parent's bed for several reasons.

First, parents of a restless child often have to get up to go to the nursery and soothe their awakened baby. In the end, they take him with them to know that the child is all right and he feels safe.

Secondly, many children are afraid to be alone and always try to stay overnight with their parents.

So can you sleep with your baby? If yes, up to what age?

Elena Nikolaeva, medical psychologist:

If we talk about babies, then it is convenient for mommy to sleep next to each other. Yes, babies need to sleep together to get enough maternal warmth in the first months of life. The woman herself is so arranged that the maximum concentrations of prolactin, the hormone that leads to the production of milk, are formed in her body at night while sucking the baby. And physical contact with the baby only stimulates these processes.

It is impossible to overestimate the fact that at night the mother will not have to jump out of bed to the baby, she will sleep better, which means she will feel better, be less irritable, which will not be slow to affect the baby.

If it is not possible to sleep nearby, then it is worth putting the crib as close as possible so that the child can hear the mother's breathing, feel her smell, heartbeat. After the child is 6 months old, it can be laid separately. Your personal space is necessary even for yourself little child for the formation of a full-fledged individuality and independence. The baby should have his own bed from the first days of life, even if he is still sleeping with his mother.

The best age to get used to sleeping separately is closer to 2 years. The fact is that by this time the child already separates himself from his parents, slowly begins to strive for independence. In addition, it is advisable to have time to shift the child to a separate bed before he starts going to kindergarten. Accustomed to sleeping separately, the baby is easier to adapt to kindergarten.

If you did not have time to teach the child to sleep separately, you should not shift him at the moment when he just starts attending the kindergarten. Both events are stressful for the baby.

Up to about 4-5 years of age, there are times when the child needs to sleep with his parents (the child is sick, fears, restless night sleep, frequent awakenings), but this should not be permanent. You can put the child with you, then, when he falls asleep, transfer him to a crib or allow him to lie down with adults in the morning. Sleeping with parents all night is not recommended.

There is an opinion that co-sleeping with parents deprives the child of the opportunity to learn to fall asleep on his own, and this is an important skill that is necessary in the life of a child. Mothers who are overly worried about their baby, do not let go of themselves, overprotect, constantly experience anxiety, are able to instill a sense of anxiety in the child, and he needs to learn to cope with difficulties and fears on his own. Your own bed, in which it is safe, cozy and the parents are nearby, forms such an experience. In no case should it become a place where the child is in punishment: “If you don’t obey, you’ll go to bed!”

How to wean a child to sleep with mom

If a child school age still sleeping with her mother, which means that not everything is in order in the relationship of her parents. After all, the bed is intimate area for two. If there is agreement in the family, then the parents agree that the child sleeps only in his own crib and comply with this rule. If an older enough child sleeps with one of the parents, the other may feel rejected, which can lead to discord in the family. In this case, the child needs to be explained that the parents are two halves and they should sleep together, and the child, when he grows up, will also meet his soul mate.

Co-sleeping with other family members - grandparents, brother or sister - can also be a problem, because the child also has his own sexuality. It is not the same as in adults, and it has to develop with age into a full-fledged one, and co-sleeping with adults or other children can unnecessarily stimulate this process.

Why you should trust Dr. Komarovsky

The main purpose of sleep is to sleep and gain strength, and this applies to the whole family: mom, dad, child and other children. If dad cannot sleep all night in the same bed with the baby, as he is afraid of crushing him, you should abandon the idea of sleeping all together. As an alternative to co-sleeping, you can move the nursery to the parent's bed and lower its front partition. It turns out that the baby sleeps separately, but at the same time next to her mother.

Being in an "interesting" position, I often thought about where the baby would sleep after birth: whether in his own bed or next to me, so to speak, on the marital bed. In books on child psychology, as well as in the accumulated personal experience met other mothers completely different opinions. Someone is an ardent opponent of the joint sleep of the child with the mother, someone considers joint sleep the only acceptable and natural, someone is trying to find a middle ground.

Thus, doctor Yevgeny Komarovsky, authoritative in the parental environment, believes: “When and with whom to sleep is a private matter for a particular woman. It is the woman who decides how it is more convenient and comfortable for her. everyone would get enough sleep and not experience discomfort." At the same time, perinatal psychologists unequivocally state: "During close body contact the development of brain cells is stimulated, the necessary neural connections. In a sense, co-sleeping at night naturally continues the microclimate that promotes the development of a variety of social, communication and emotional skills during the day, as the child is calm and under parental control and protection. The mother is the habitat of the child, not only during the day, but also at night.

Specific facts that the joint sleep of mother and child favorably or negatively affect the future of the baby have not been identified. No patterns were found in the behavior, life scenarios of children who slept separately from their mother from birth, just like those who slept with her in childhood. It would seem that since science cannot give clear answers about the usefulness / dangers of co-sleeping mother and child, then practice will put everything in its place.

Googled it. I read the stories of different mothers. It turned out that real experience many-sided. Each woman chose the appropriate option for herself, focusing on her own ideas about the welfare of the child, as well as listening to other people's advice and opinions, the most authoritative for her. Perhaps the chosen strategy for organizing the baby’s sleep will work. I also had to rely on my maternal instinct (I hoped that it would wake up) and solve problems as they came (although it is much better not to allow them to appear at all).

The son was born. At the hospital, he slept in a cradle next to my bed. At night, every two hours, I fell down to feed and change the little one. I didn't feel tired, just euphoric. I became a mother! What could be more beautiful! After being discharged, on the urgent advice of her mother-in-law, a fan of Dr. Spock, she put her son to sleep in a separate bed. With a special mattress, with a beautiful nursery bed linen, with musical carousel. I held out for a month. I must say that only I got up to see the baby at night - my husband got tired at work and, when his son grunted, he only sighed heavily and turned over to his other side. During the day I was alone with the baby. babysitter did not want to hire.

The turning point came when one night she felt incredibly weak and could barely hold the baby in her arms. Mom needs to get enough sleep - I clearly realized. I tried to put my son next to me at night. She slept carefully, afraid to crush her. I immediately felt the advantages of co-sleeping: you don’t have to get up to feed the child, he “gets” his own food. It's funny like this: he sniffs with his nose where the milk is, and then starts sucking greedily. At the same time, he does not even open his eyes, that is, there is no need to rock him after feeding. No need to get up and listen to whether he breathes or not (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is no joke). It's so great to feel how a small native heart beats. It's so nice to feel a warm little lump next to you.

That's how they grew up. But my doubts remained: did I do the right thing by taking my son to my bed? Will it affect his development later on? What if he will not be able to make independent decisions, will he grow up to be a "sissy" in the worst sense of the word? Maybe it was worth enduring, not paying attention to the fact that the baby is clearly uncomfortable in his cradle?

Lack of knowledge fertile ground For different kind fears, concerns. When we don't know something, we are afraid of it. It is so arranged in nature that a human cub is born completely unsuited to exist separately from its parents. He needs our help and support for a long time. The task of adults is to ensure not only the satisfaction of natural needs- eat, drink, breathe, sleep, but also create comfortable conditions for its development.

First of all, the baby needs to feel safe. Its basis is the close bond between the child and the mother. It is the mother who is a kind of guarantor of reliability, a guide to the outside world for the little man. mom provides inner feeling child safety.

If you look into the history of the development of human civilization, the joint sleep of a child with his mother was considered natural until the development of industrial society. Along with the change in the landscape, the introduction of technical innovations in everyday life public priorities have also changed: from family, conservative to liberal, glorifying the freedom of a single individual. Accordingly, our ideas about what is right and what is wrong to do when raising children have changed. At the same time, the desire of the child to feel safe remained unchanged. Feeling her mother nearby, her smell, her warmth, the beating of her heart - something that has been familiar for nine months prenatal period, the child calms down.

The joint dream of mother and child optimally creates for him a sense of security, which is so important for full development. However, in addition to the desire of the child, it is necessary to take into account emotional condition mother, husband's attitude to co-sleeping (for example, if the choice is between: take the child to his bed or remain a single mother).

So, the first step towards co-sleeping is to identify mental properties, desires, both their own and the child's. This allows you to understand whether a joint dream is needed in a particular case or not. The second step is the realization of a simple truth: sleeping with your mother is only as useful as it is needed. No more, no less. A mother should not be too attached to her child. Gradually, he must start his own corner and his own activities, but he can still sometimes resort to sleeping with his mother. Here it is important for the mother not to prevent the child from growing up mentally, not to interfere and support his desire for independence.

So, these days, two opposing points of view are popular: "the baby should sleep with his mother" and "the child should sleep in his own crib." I want to note right away that where exactly your baby will sleep is up to you (and your spouse) to decide. Moreover, it is you who will best understand what your child needs. And the tips of people who study infant sleep at a professional level will help you find answers to many questions and dispel doubts.

Benefits of separate sleep...

The vast majority of current moms grew up in their own separate cribs. We were taken “under the wing”, when we were sick, we were rocked in a lullaby, and then shifted to our places. But not more. And our moms and dads grew up like that too. Someone turned out to be an astronaut or a pilot, an exemplary family man, someone was drunk or suffering from loneliness. There is a small percentage of people with severe mental disorders. But, in general, in most cases we love our parents and have not separated ourselves from each other, continuing to create families and.

Some psychologists argue that this is how it should be: from the first days, put the child in a separate bed and do not accustom "hands". Separate sleep as if it saves the child from the possibility of falling into excessive dependence on the mother, overcoming the Oedipus complex, becoming independent in early age, as well as to avoid over-sexualization and even problems with the choice of sexual orientation. Here I would like you to think about it, because it is not so easy to isolate a clear cause for all these consequences. Can only one circumstance of sleep (alone or with mother) rule the fate of people?

Some parents are afraid

To spoil, accustom to your bed;

Press down, "sleep";

Sleep deprivation due to increased self-control;

Development of excessive dependence.

Separate sleep completely eliminates the possibility of pressure in a dream. If you smoke, drink, use drugs or drugs that affect the depth of your sleep, then it's better not to risk taking your child to bed.

If the spouse is against sharing the bed for three, then using a crib will deprive you of additional topic for quarrels and disputes. You can sleep peacefully in an embrace and not think about how it is safer for you to lie down or turn around.

Some mothers are very afraid, they cannot relax and sleep next to the baby. They also have the right to sleep, neglecting which can harm the child, losing consciousness one day from excessive fatigue.

There are parents who, without knowing a particular reason, insist on principle that everyone should have their own bed, children should sleep all night without waking up and without snacking, and so on. For example, simply because they themselves were raised that way. And this opinion also has a right to exist.

Dr. Richard Ferber, director of the Children's Sleep Disorders Center at Boston Children's Hospital, offers a system in his book that can teach a child to fall asleep in his own crib. Not without crying, not immediately. Mom needs patience and endurance, but the baby sleeps “by himself” and stops “waking up a hundred times a night”. Ferber believes that this is how the child and mother can get enough sleep. There are similar systems and other authors. The books of these educators and pediatricians are very popular and reprinted dozens of times. So, for many, this approach is acceptable and in demand.

... And the joys of sharing

However, there are many parents who find all these systems difficult to implement and somehow unnatural. If the alternation of sleep and wakefulness, upright walking and speaking is already inherent in a person, then sooner or later he masters all this without special techniques (if we are talking about healthy children). But most are in no hurry to enjoy life away from their beloved mother. And they prefer to fall asleep at her chest. Do you like this idea? Consider taking your baby to sleep with you.

Benefits of co-sleeping:

Night attachments to the breast have a beneficial effect on milk production;

Mom and baby adjust to each other and sleep better;

You can feed half asleep without getting out of bed;

The child feels protected and loved;

The baby has the opportunity to make up for the lack of touch if the mother does not often take him in her arms, bottle feed him or have to go to work early;

The baby, being next to the mother, sleeps superficially more time, that is, he sleeps lightly enough to call for help if something goes wrong, such as breathing problems.

Responding to the objections of many parents, adherents of co-sleeping argue that the likelihood of crushing your child in a dream is very small, and horror stories this is more related to sudden stop breathing or drunkenness of parents.

The need for physical contact for children has long been known. A lack of touch causes developmental delays, lowers immunity, and increases the risk of allergic reactions.

Back in the middle of the 20th century, the English psychoanalyst D. W. Winnicott suggested that within a few months after birth, the child still feels one with his mother and parting with her even for short term cause him fear, a feeling of decay and dying.

The latest findings of scientists related to baby sleep and its consequences speak only in favor of co-sleeping. James McCann held great job and summarized the results of numerous studies. He collected data that children who slept with their parents grow up happier and more self-confident, have less problems in relationships with others.

Dr. William Sears is a pediatrician, member of the advisory board of Parenting magazine, and author of dozens of textbooks on pediatrics and family education. William Sears and his wife Martha studied their own child's sleep using attached sensors and found that if the baby sleeps with his mother, his frequency of respiratory arrests is significantly reduced. A deep dream separately sleeping children they associate with work defense mechanisms from stress caused by loneliness and crying. Moreover, pediatricians claim that superficial sleep responsible for better development brain.

The Sears emphasize that co-sleeping is the most natural and intimate human nature and remind that no animal lays its young in a separate bed.

Obviously not universal method and rules that would suit every family. How your child will grow up depends not so much on whether he will sleep with you or alone, but on the totality of all internal and external factors his upbringing and development. If you sleep well, and everyone in your family is happy with their place in bed, then you have made the right choice.