Why is it important to go to bed together? Why should spouses sleep in the same bed?

For most of us, the marital bed shared by husband and wife is associated with a happy and strong marriage. Although in many cases this is indeed an indicator of good family relationships, many people change over time. co-sleeping to your own separate bed.

The decision to sleep separately these days is made not only by spouses who have lived together for more than 30 years, but also by young couples. To justify this step there is whole line reasons, the consequences of which can be both positive for marriage and relationships, and destructive.

Three reasons that separate spouses at night are children, problems with sex and problems in marriage. Sometimes one partner needs more sex than the other. On the other hand, a couple may not be able to sleep together due to a newborn baby. Many new mothers, forced to wake up several times a night to feed, sleep in the room with their children so that their husband can sleep. Quarrels between spouses lead to the fact that one of them goes to sleep on the sofa. Flaw emotional relationships is able to cool partners towards each other, as a result of which sleeping together becomes redundant and unnecessary, and everyone feels more comfortable alone.

Different sleep patterns are another reason why husband and wife cannot sleep together. The lark wakes up the owl in the morning, while the owl keeps the lark awake late in the evening. The owl watches TV half the night, surfs the Internet or listens to music, and the lark slams doors, rustles clothes and clinks dishes in the morning. As a result, one of the spouses does not get enough sleep, which is harmful for the mental and physical health, as well as for family relationships.

Snoring of a husband or wife, fighting for a blanket, restless behavior during sleep, sleepwalking - all this sends spouses into different rooms. In such cases, sleeping separately not only does not worsen the relationship, but also strengthens it. Both partners get good sleep and interact effectively during the day.

The desire to maintain his independence, which is often difficult for the wife to understand, forces the husband to seek privacy in another room. Some men can't handle pink ruffles in their shared bedroom, so they resort to sleeping on the sofa.

Pros and cons of “separate” sleep

pros

On the one hand, spouses who sleep separately experience special sensations every time they find themselves in the same bed, because they have the opportunity to miss each other. If you spend too much time together, perhaps sleeping separately will refresh you. intimate life. Among other things, sleeping in separate beds gives you:

• Opportunity to get some sleep. If your partner snores or pushes, the most the best remedy- the wall between you.
• More energy. Good dream good for health, renews the body and charges you with energy, which will be enough for household chores, work, children and... sex.
• A fresh look at sex. Some couples note that since they began sleeping separately, sex has become more interesting to them.
• Getting rid of overweight. As is known, bad dream associated with gaining extra pounds due to hormonal imbalance and nightly trips to the kitchen.
• Personal space. Some people find it very important to have a private space where they can rest and have a good time alone.

Minuses

A strong desire to sleep separately from your partner can signal serious problems in the relationship. If you try to escape from the issues that have arisen between you in this way, you will not be able to resolve the conflict, and the problems will return to you in the morning. This creates emotional and physical estrangement between partners, which can ultimately lead to breakup or divorce. Among the disadvantages of separate sleeping, the following can be noted:

• Health problems. Often, health problems in one of the partners manifest themselves or arise during sleep. For example, many people are unaware that they have apnea, but this problem can cause the development of other ailments. Also, if one of the spouses has a heart attack, stroke, or other serious problem, the second can always provide first aid and call a doctor.
• Less sex. Eight hours in the same bed means more chances of making love.
• Emotional intimacy. Co-sleeping can be very important for emotional intimacy. Hugs and tenderness bring partners closer to each other. In addition, in bed, in an intimate setting, you can solve the problems that have accumulated during the day.
• Cold. If you sleep alone, bring an extra blanket because your partner won't be warming you up all night.

A little privacy won't hurt your marriage. Even if you sleep separately from time to time, you appreciate each other's company all the more when you are reunited in your marital bed. Of course, this mode is not suitable for everyone: for those who rarely see each other during the day, night provides an opportunity to talk, show attention, tenderness and maintain intimacy. Good night to you!

There has long been controversy surrounding the topic of spouses sleeping separately. There are many who support only co-sleeping, and there are also those who are in favor of separate beds. Both of them are ready to give many arguments in defense of their point of view. Let's try to evaluate each of them, and impartially weigh all the pros and cons, based on scientific research.

Scientists say that separate rooms, or at worst beds, definitely strengthen marital relationships. This fact is explained by the fact that many men, and some women, suffer from night snoring. It is not always pleasant for a partner to listen to such night trills.

No less important point is also the need for sufficient space. To get enough sleep and feel rested, we need at least 80 cm of bed. But most people love to spread all their limbs across the bed, thereby infringing on their partner. Pulling the blanket is another one. negative point, capable of disturbing a peaceful rest.

But what about the aesthetic side of the issue?

It's no secret that in the morning we don't look our best. in the best possible way. Of course, we are putting ourselves in order, but this takes some time. This is why sleeping separately is key mental health second half. Although it is possible that there will be supporters of naturalness who are ready to argue that if a person loves, then he must love in any form. Well, God be with them, because we know that it is much more pleasant to love a combed partner than his sleepy and unwashed face.

Proponents of sleeping separately never cease to argue that separate bedrooms have a positive effect on the state of intimate life, bringing a certain spark to the relationship and reminiscent of the days when there was a sense of novelty in the relationship.

But opponents of supporters of separate marital sleep are ready to defend their point of view until the victorious finale. They provide a lot of facts confirming positive influence co-sleeping for both spouses.

As you know, well-being sharply deteriorates with age, so supporters of partners sleeping in the same bed claim that spouses sleeping together is a kind of precautionary method. Take, for example, the risk of death in your sleep as a result heart attack, which is a very common problem. If at an unfortunate moment you are not nearby loved one, there is a chance you won’t survive the night.

According to proponents of co-sleeping, separation at night leads to emotional separation in reality. They believe that spouses who do not spend the night together are on the verge of breaking up. Hugs, tenderness and sleeping together - this, in their opinion, is the key to a strong family. By the way, psychologists also adhere to the idea that people who do not feel the need to sleep next to their partner can get along just fine in life without him.

But what do doctors say about this?

Medical workers are only sure that a person simply needs to sleep at least 8 hours a day, and it doesn’t matter, together with his other half or separately. Main - good rest! However, sometimes relaxing next to a snoring spouse or a wife talking in her sleep is simply not possible. It also happens that spouses’ work schedules do not coincide, so they simply cannot sleep together.

But sexologists stunned people with the statement that the most vivid sexual experiences are experienced by those couples whose sleep occurs in different rooms!

Sleeping together or separately is a purely individual decision, but sometimes sleeping separately can not only improve your health, but also restore the relationship to its former spark!

Psychologists still do not have a consensus on whether spouses should sleep together or separately. However latest research Japanese scientists say that sleeping together is good for health.

Benefits of co-sleeping:

strengthens the immune system and calms the nervous system

charges with optimism and improves mood

increases self-esteem and reduces the level of cortisol (a hormone that is responsible for stress reactions)

Of course, all of the above is only valid if you and your spouse are in a relationship. good relations, and not teetering on the brink of divorce. In fairness, it is worth noting that each couple chooses their own path.

For some, sleeping together is impossible for a number of subjective reasons, for example, when one of the spouses simply cannot fall asleep due to the snoring of the other, or when the spouses are used to sleeping under different temperature conditions. In any case, psychologists advise trying both sleep options, and then choosing the optimal one for you.

And don't be upset if you can't sleep together. IN modern world More and more married couples are resorting to sleeping separately, which does not in any way affect the quality of their relationship.

On her blog, a woman raised the question that should spouses sleep together or separately? During the courtship phase and the beginning of life together, you want to sleep together, but as a person who practices yoga, I will say that this is not entirely correct. It is correct to sleep in a completely relaxed position, so that there is room to spread out your arms and legs, so that nothing is squeezing our members, nothing interferes with blood formation. The night is needed to rest the body, you need fresh air, pitch darkness, peace and quiet... What do psychologists and sex therapists say about this? I found an interesting article on the Internet.

Modern scientists have found that a man who sleeps in the same bed with the same woman for years has a deteriorating potency. Constantly sleeping together dulls libido and leaves eroticism. “MK” in St. Petersburg, with the help of specialists, figured out how harmful a shared bed can be for spouses.

A nightmare at my wife's side

Research of this kind was carried out by a foreign sociological company commissioned by a company producing beds and mattresses. Sociologists have calculated that 7 out of 100 married couples get divorced precisely because of a shared bed. It also turned out that most often it is women who propose sleeping in different rooms, although they sleep much more soundly with their husbands. Moreover, they dream more vivid and colorful dreams. But men suffer - their brain productivity decreases. And it doesn’t matter whether they are having sex or not. For a man, if a woman is in bed with him, his sleep becomes more restless, and as a result, mental activity suffers.

According to scientists, there are no historical background so that people sleep with each other in the same bed. From the times of the Roman Empire until the 19th century, spouses preferred to sleep in separate rooms. Double beds appeared during industrial revolution, when people moving from villages to cities settled in cramped quarters. But this is Europe.

In Russia everything is somewhat different. IN Soviet years It was considered quite normal that all family members—husbands, wives, children, grandmothers—lived and, accordingly, slept in the same room. And nothing! In such a communal life, the spouses' mutual attraction only flared up. The husband and wife were looking for every opportunity to finally retire and enjoy each other. This life had its sexual charms. Today a lot has changed. The bedroom is no longer a corner enclosed by a closet or a screen, but a separate room. But the common alcove that men and women were so eager for turned out to be unexpected.

- For a man who sleeps, he sleeps! “With a woman, your character deteriorates,” says psychotherapist Alexander Odintsov. “He becomes softer and takes on feminine features.” Where do you think metrosexuals come from (men who visit beauty salons - Ed.)? From the marital bed! Women must understand that their constant presence around only spoils men.

Does snoring excite you?

At the Department of Sexopathology of St. Petersburg medical academy postgraduate education possible harm from sleeping together has not yet been studied.

“To sleep or not to sleep together is a matter of habit,” says the leading sex therapist of St. Petersburg, Dr. medical sciences Boris Alekseev. - Some spouses cannot be separated in bed; they cannot even fall asleep apart. Human warmth and smells, sometimes perceived subconsciously, are important here. I don’t even rule out erotic moments. But others sleep apart. I see a variety of reasons. Feelings can actually become dull; adults, wanting something new, scatter to different beds.

Often in middle-aged men, the lack of potency is caused by boredom and even memories of past boredom. If a husband and wife always sleep in the same bed, habituation to the body occurs. This has a negative effect on a man’s desire to possess a woman: it dulls and then may disappear completely. Sexual boredom - main reason divorces of forty-year-olds. But such impotence can be cured almost instantly. Sometimes a separate bed is enough. However, not all women are ready to make such sacrifices. Boris Alekseev says that he often hears the following phrase from his patients: “I love lying on a man’s shoulder.” Russian women, indeed, enduring many inconveniences (the snoring alone is worth it!), prefer not to let their husbands leave the marital bed at night. Some wives even say that they cannot sleep peacefully if no one is snoring nearby...

“It’s all about mentality,” says psychologist Katerina Boychenko. — Russian people are idealists, so relationships are extremely important for us - tenderness, affection. The snoring of a beloved man can sound to a woman better than any music.

To be fair, it is worth saying that not only men, but also women snore. As doctors have found out, every fifth person over 30 years old snores. In Russia it is no less than 20 million. British sleep specialist Neil Stanley is confident that exactly half of married couples suffer from sleep disorders due to sleeping together. Insufficiently spacious beds, coughing, snoring, screaming, scratching or frequent trips to the toilet of one of the spouses make the second’s sleep incomplete, which cannot but affect the state of health. And also on relationships. Dr. Stanley himself, who opened the UK's largest sleep laboratory, sleeps separately from his wife and convinces others to follow his example.

Uncombed UFO

“The woman you love should at least be a little bit of a mystery,” says psychologist Katerina Boychenko. - Therefore, men resist absolute rapprochement; they always need a distance that preserves the possibility of constant movement towards dear person. A woman should be an eternal UFO - an unknown beloved object. What kind of UFO will it be - early in the morning? Uncombed, with a swollen, unmade-up face... In the end, the “boring effect” kicks in when the spouses eat the same “dish” every day. Monotony is a terrible thing.

Separate bedrooms, according to sexologists, will only improve the intimate life of spouses. In this situation, even the husband’s arrival in his wife’s room will carry obvious sexual overtones.

But only wealthy people, whose financial conditions allow them to buy a multi-room apartment or house, can afford different bedrooms.

- I know that married couples When moving into their own homes, they prefer to sleep in different rooms. But maybe in this way they are amortizing the free premises,” laughs sex therapist Boris Alekseev.

But what about the rest of us, who have every square meter accounted for? Can’t you evict the other half into the kitchen? Experts recommend that they separate as often as possible in their “daytime” life. The main thing here is not to overdo it.

Irina Nikolaeva

MK-EXPERIENCE

They sleep separately

Anzhelika Varum and Leonid Agutin have been in prison for 12 years happy marriage. As the spouses themselves believe, the reason for such a successful union lies in separate bedrooms. Angelica prefers to sleep in the warmth, and Leonid opens the window or window wide open.

Yulia Vysotskaya and Andron Konchalovsky also sleep in different beds. According to Yulia, a person needs to be alone with himself, and where, if not in his own bedroom, can this be done?

Briefing

How to survive in the same bed

Sleep under different blankets;

Do not lie down naked (with the exception of sleeping after sex);

A bed for two should be wide enough so that the distance between sleeping spouses is at least 50 cm;

Do not overeat at night, so as not to frighten your spouse with indecent sounds;

Don't eat in bed;

Wash your bed linen as often as possible using scented fabric softeners;

Always take a shower before going to bed, use perfume;

It is advisable for a woman to stand up before men to have time to put yourself in order before he wakes up;

A man is forbidden to drink beer before bed (and in a state of strong alcohol intoxication It’s better not to lie next to a woman at all);

Keep children and pets away from the bed.

By the way

American researcher Helen Lederman found that the position in which spouses usually fall asleep reveals their attitude towards each other.

Embracing, facing each other. The union of two is extremely emotional people. They love each other to the point of madness, but they also quarrel every time almost to the point of divorce.

Touching each other's legs. The spouses are connected not so much by love as by friendship, respect and sincere care for each other.

One partner sleeps on his back and the other on his stomach. The success of this relationship depends on whether the person sleeping on his stomach knows how to suppress his power. Otherwise, the person sleeping on his back will sooner or later abandon him.

One sleeps on his side, the other on his stomach. They complement each other well. For solutions important issues the one who is less confident in himself (sleeping on his side) is always happy to agree with the opinion of the boss (sleeping on his stomach) so as not to make decisions himself.

One sleeps on his side, the other on his back. Between such partners there are most often great frictions and contradictions. A back sleeper often treats a side sleeper shamelessly.

Both sleep on their backs. Such partners often quarrel among themselves because each of them behaves as if he knows everything. This is usually an interesting but short-lived relationship.

They sleep in the “scattering” position- turning away from each other, trying to take diametrically opposite positions in bed. The conclusion suggests itself: at least in the dream, they had already “scattered.”

Surprisingly, many psychologists agree that by the way your partner behaves during sleep, you can understand how attached he is to you. It's not without reason famous writer Milan Kundera once said: “The desire to sleep with women can arise all the time, but usually you want to fall asleep with only one.” ELLE has collected the most obvious signs by which you can determine that he is really in love with you.

PHOTO Getty Images

If a man does not toss and turn next to you, trying to turn away from the wall, but, on the contrary, involuntarily begins to hug you during sleep, it means that he is subconsciously trying to protect you. Such a manifestation of care usually occurs only at the moment when the partner is truly in love and is ready to take responsibility for you, even if real life He hasn't admitted it to himself yet.

Another definite plus to spending the night next to your loved one is that sleeping together reduces the risk of developing depression. This is due to the fact that, when spending the night alone, a person begins to turn over from one side to the other much more often, thereby increasing blood circulation and increasing the level of cortisol, a hormone responsible for stress.

To top it all off, co-sleeping stimulates the production of the hormone oxytocin, which helps lower blood pressure. In addition, it helps the body fight fatigue and stress. Australian scientists have recently proven that the production of oxytocin in men is inextricably linked with

depositphotos

Critical view

Sleep researchers from England's University of Surrey said in 2009 that sleeping in the same bed is harmful to the body. Such rest is not complete, people disturb each other, wake up more often - in the end nervous system cannot completely relax and regain strength. The problem is especially relevant for couples where one of the partners snores, talks or twitches in his sleep.

In addition, even on a double bed, there may not be enough space for two people. And if you add nightly trips to the toilet, shoving each other and even serious accidental blows - what about healthy sleep there may be talk.

Where do the scandals come from?

If a woman chronically does not get enough sleep, sooner or later it will affect the whole family. As a rule, it is the spouse who sets the emotional tone in the relationship, both with her husband and with children. And, not having rested properly at night, the next day good mood She's unlikely to have one. As a result, irritability and tearfulness and, as a result, a scandal out of the blue. So sometimes it’s worth thinking about sleeping separately if you notice that the cause of conflicts is emotional fatigue and insomnia appeared.

Positive sides

It has been officially proven that couples who sleep together experience sexual desire and they do it many times more often than spouses sleeping separately. Scientists even give examples that in spouses with a weak libido, the desire for intimacy when sleeping separately can disappear completely.

By sharing your bed with your loved one, you can learn a lot of useful things. How does he react to scratching (unintentional, of course) long nails, what does it do if you stole the whole blanket, does he snore, what position does he prefer to sleep in, and much more. Based on all these details, you can put together a complete picture. psycho-emotional state partner.

If there is a “strong shoulder” nearby that does not snore or kick, falling asleep is much easier and more pleasant. And most women are generally afraid to sleep alone, so for them sleeping with their husband is simply necessary.

In one bed you are left alone, leaving the whole world outside the bedroom, with its problems, opinions and unresolved issues. By falling asleep together in the same bed, you create some kind of invisible emotional connection, which has a beneficial effect on your relationships during the day.

A unique observation by specialists in the field of bioenergy: if one of the spouses is ill, the other can transfer healing energy to him through sleeping together. As a result, the healing process goes much faster. But this only applies to those couples where there is harmony and love.