How long can you not live sexually. How long after childbirth can you live an intimate life? When can I start having sex after a caesarean section?

Many young spouses are concerned about the question of when will the onset of sexual activity after childbirth - when can it be started. The question is fair, because many couples do not have sex during pregnancy. According to gynecologists, a married couple can have sex no earlier than after 6-8 weeks. Usually during this time, the woman's genitals return to their original state.

During this period, the uterus acquires its former size, the damaged placenta attachment site heals. Before it is completely healed, the bleeding wound is very susceptible to the effects of microbes that can enter during intercourse.

Harmful microorganisms that have fallen on the surface of the wound can cause many serious gynecological diseases, including endometritis.

This disease often causes complications that require curettage and long-term antibiotic treatment. Another reason why you should abstain from sex at first is the likelihood of bleeding.

If the birth was difficult, or surgical intervention was used, it is necessary to refrain from intimacy for an even longer time. This is necessary for complete recovery and healing of the birth canal.

To be completely confident in the possibility of resuming sexual activity, a woman should see a gynecologist. The doctor will check the degree of healing of cracks, incisions and ruptures of the perineum and, moreover, will help in choosing contraceptives.

Sexual life of a woman after childbirth changes a lot. This is due to the emotional, psychological and physical state of a woman who has recently given birth. It must be remembered that the female body has endured a huge physical and emotional stress associated with bearing a baby and the very process of childbirth.

Also, his condition is affected by possible complications of the postpartum period. Therefore, spouses should be prepared for the fact that a lot can change in their intimate life.

Why does sex after childbirth cause discomfort in women?

According to statistics, about half of women who have recently given birth experience strange, often unpleasant sensations in the first three months of the resumption of sexual activity. Approximately 18% can even perceive sex as an unbearable duty, an unpleasant duty. This can go on for a year.

Painful and unpleasant sensations during sexual intercourse come from incompletely healed tears or incisions obtained during labor. The sutures may have touched the nerve endings, as a result of which even the most comfortable and painless sexual positions can cause pain and discomfort.

Also, sutures affect the change in the configuration of the vagina and the sensitivity of its mucous membrane. With pressure and friction during intercourse, painful sensations appear. Usually these negative feelings pass within a year.

After childbirth, the ratio of the sexual organs of partners also changes. The first months the woman's vagina remains enlarged, its muscles are relaxed. Of course, it won't stay for the rest of your life.

The width of the vagina will gradually decrease, and sexual relations will become the same as before childbirth. A woman should not worry that she cannot yet feel her partner's penis as before. Otherwise, this problem of their anatomical will turn into a psychological one, from which it will be difficult to get rid of.

A man may also feel a weaker coverage of the vagina of the penis. But you need to remember that this is a temporary problem and will not last long. To enhance the brightness of sensations during sex, you can choose sexual positions in which the woman's hips are tightly compressed.

To speed up the restoration of the elasticity of the muscles and walls of the vagina, you can use the special exercises that Dr. Kegel developed for the treatment of urinary incontinence in women.

In order to figure out which muscles to train, a woman should try to voluntarily stop urination. Tight muscles should be strengthened.

You need to take a comfortable position, strain and relax them gradually bringing them up to 50 times per approach. Training should be repeated 2-3 times a day in different positions. By the way, such exercises during pregnancy can significantly reduce the risk of perineal injury, as well as reduce the recovery time for muscle tone by several times.

Almost all women who have recently given birth are deficient in the main female hormones - estrogen. A manifestation of their deficiency is dryness of the vaginal mucosa. It also causes pain during intercourse.

But this drawback can be eliminated by using artificial substitutes for natural lubrication, the so-called lubricants. These are specially designed gels and creams for moisturizing. They can be purchased at pharmacies, cosmetics stores and Sex Shops. Try to choose products without dyes, hormones, flavors and artificial additives.

In addition to pain, psychological problems are added. The fact is that a woman who has just experienced childbirth is very afraid of becoming pregnant again. Therefore, you need to take care of contraceptives immediately, from the very first sexual intercourse.

So we talked about what kind of sex life it is for a woman after childbirth, when you can start having sex with a couple. By the way, about re-pregnancy. Doctors advise a second pregnancy at least 2 years after birth. The optimal period is from two and a half to three and a half years. If the interval between births is too short, the likelihood of complications during childbirth and the birth of a premature baby is high. In addition, a new pregnancy will interfere with breastfeeding.

When choosing contraceptives, it should be borne in mind that they should not affect the quality and quantity of breast milk. They must be absolutely harmless to mother and child. To choose the best remedy, it is best to consult with your doctor.

A caesarean section, carried out as a result of the impossibility of natural childbirth, involves a dissection of the abdominal cavity and an incision in the uterus. Such a surgical intervention affects the genitals of a woman, so they need a certain period for recovery.

Wounds heal slowly, external and internal sutures often bleed and cause discomfort and pain. In this regard, sexual activity after a caesarean section is not possible immediately. The body must be given enough time to fully recover in order to avoid infection and rupture of the sutures. This can take weeks or even months - in terms of timing, the recovery interval after surgery is very individual.

Some women believe that sexual life after cesarean can only begin six months later, when the body is fully back to normal, so they are not in a hurry with this. Others, on the contrary, eagerly want to experience all the joys of sex again and surrender to the persuasion of their husband too soon. Ideally, a middle ground is needed here: there are medical recommendations that determine when you can resume intimate life after a CS.

1. After a caesarean section, it takes 6 to 8 weeks. It is at the end of this period that the couple can and should gradually return to their marital duties and sexual life.
2. 6-8 weeks is a very conditional period, since one female body will recover after a cesarean section as early as the 4th week after the operation, and another 8 will not be enough. Therefore, a young mother should be attentive to her own health, both physiologically and psycho-emotionally.
3. Doctors say that it is possible to start having sex after a cesarean if postpartum lochia (bloody) has ended and there are no problems with sutures.
4. To make sure of the latter, you must definitely undergo an ultrasound scan to know what condition the stitches are in and whether having sex is fraught with their divergence. After the examination, the doctor will professionally advise whether you need to wait a little more with this matter, or you can already please your husband with the long-awaited news.
5. Think about whether you are ready for the resumption of sexual activity psychologically? If you again feel attracted to your man, you want it, then the time has already come and there is nothing to be afraid of.

The question of when it is possible to live sexually after a caesarean section is decided individually in each individual case. 6-8 weeks is a conditional period, which you can only focus on. After a thorough examination, the doctor can tell you for sure whether the time has come or it is worth waiting a little longer. Moreover, it can only take into account the physiological readiness of the body, while the psychological mood of a woman plays an equally important role here.

A little about timing. According to statistics, about 10% of women after a 4-week period after a cesarean section are already fully recovered and are ready for sexual activity in terms of physiology. Another 10% of mothers do not have time to rehabilitate even by 8 weeks after childbirth due to complications and individual characteristics. The remaining 80% fit into the interval from 6 to 8 weeks.

Physiology

In order for intimate life after a cesarean section to bring pleasure and not lead to complications (suppuration, infection, divergence of seams, etc.), you need to listen carefully to the body and know whether it is ready to return to sexual relations or not. A few useful tips will help young couples resume full-fledged sex and not harm the woman's health.

1. Wait until the postpartum lochia is gone before having sex.
2. Then get an ultrasound. The doctor must give a conclusion that a satisfactory and sexual life does not threaten their divergence.
3. Consider the issue of contraception so that sexual life after cesarean does not end soon with another pregnancy. During the lactation period, most birth control pills are contraindicated for a young mother. An intrauterine device can be placed only six months after a cesarean section. You will have to choose between a condom and vaginal suppositories (suppositories, tablets, ointments, etc.).
4. A man must understand that all his movements during sex should be as accurate, smooth, gentle as possible so as not to damage only the recently healed surface. Deep penetration, rudeness, harshness, pressure in the first months of sexual activity are excluded.
5. For six months, enjoy only classic positions that exclude deep penetration.
6. In the first intimacy that occurs after the operation, a young woman may feel discomfort and even pain, but they are natural, so you should not be complex and worry about this. Tissues, ligaments, muscles - everything should be stretched and toned. Give your body a little time - and soon it will return to normal.
7. Some impatient couples, seeking to resume sexual activity as soon as possible, despite a caesarean section, are trying to replace the classic forms of sex with others. It is unacceptable. Firstly, any penetration (even with fingers or tongue) into the vagina ahead of time is fraught with infection. Secondly, the female orgasm, if it is too violent, can provoke tension in the pelvic organs, and the seams will open.

So to engage in intimate life at the end of the rehabilitation period after cesarean should be extremely careful, in accordance with these recommendations and the permission of the doctor. Sex is strictly prohibited in the presence of genital infections and inflammation in both partners, prolonged lochia and bleeding sutures.

In addition to all this, the couple must understand that by the time of the first sexual intercourse after a cesarean section, the man must also be examined and be absolutely healthy. Sometimes psycho-emotional factors interfere with the resumption of a full sexual life.

scientific fact. As scientists have found, a woman during breastfeeding secretes hormones that are similar in their action to hormones that are produced by the body during sex. This explains the decrease in libido and the reluctance to resume sexual activity (most often this happens just after a cesarean section).

Psychological moments

Often, the onset of sexual activity after a caesarean section is not complicated by physiological difficulties and problems. It seems that the lochia stopped, and the stitches healed, and the doctor gave permission, but something constantly interferes. And both spouses often do not understand what is happening. Because of this, the relationship in a couple can be upset. And the reason in most cases lies in the psychological discomfort that a woman experiences after a cesarean section. Therefore, she will have to work on herself and restore peace of mind, on which sexual attraction to a partner and the intimate life of a couple largely depend. How to do it?

Complexes about appearance

Very often, after a cesarean, young mothers are embarrassed by seams and stretch marks on their bodies. And if the matter is further complicated by excess weight with manifestations of cellulite, then internal complexes develop at a cosmic speed. At the same time, it is completely impossible due to surgery, diets are contraindicated due to lactation. All this results in the refusal of the beloved man in sex.

If there is a similar problem with sexual life, it must be solved with the help of a psychologist. After all, your husband probably loves you not only for a beautiful body? Moreover, soon you will be able to start playing sports and quickly bounce back.

Love for a child

Sometimes a woman's maternal instinct is so strongly developed that with the birth of a baby, she practically forgets about the existence of her husband. She gives all her care, affection, love to a new family member. It is quite clear that in such a situation, even after the rehabilitation period after a cesarean section, the spouse is in no hurry to resume sexual activity. It's time to stop and think: are you ready to become a single mother? After all, no man can withstand a long absence of sex.

chronic fatigue syndrome

After a caesarean section, a young mother is recommended to have a lot of and full rest in order to recover after the operation. In fact, she has to take care of the child and at the same time continue to run the household. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, feeding, walking, children's consultations - all this falls on the fragile shoulders of a woman.

And now, it seems, the postpartum discharge has already departed, stopped, there are no problems with the seam, and there was no sexual life, and no. And it's not even physical fatigue, but moral. To want sex again, you need to relax, buy yourself beautiful erotic lingerie, arrange a romantic candlelight dinner at home - all this will help you tune in the right way.

To restore sexual life after a caesarean section, patience and attention are required from both spouses. The absence of health problems and complications after childbirth is only half the solution to the problem. It is necessary that a woman feel comfortable and psycho-emotional. If the husband makes her feel that she is still loved and even more, there will hardly be any difficulties with sexual desire.

After the appearance of a baby in the family, life changes completely, starting from the daily routine, ending with intimate relationships between parents. Even pregnancy has imposed some restrictions on sex, especially in the later stages, and sometimes it can be extremely difficult to return to a normal rhythm. The body and psyche of a woman who carried and gave birth to a baby undergo changes that are important to consider when trying to resume intimate life in a couple.

The timing of the onset of sexual activity after childbirth

After the birth of a baby, large-scale involutional processes take place in the female body, and they especially affect the uterus. The placenta, which has been attached to the inner wall of the organ throughout the pregnancy, leaves behind a large wound surface after exiting. It is the blood from it that is part of the lochia - postpartum discharge, in which there are also remnants of the membranes and waters. Until the site of attachment of the placenta completely heals, it is a risk zone - there is a high probability of infection penetrating through the cervix that has not yet been closed, the development of an inflammatory process and other complications. That is why doctors recommend sexual rest after childbirth for at least 4-6 weeks - during this period, most women completely pass the discharge and the defect in the uterus is delayed. At the end of the lochia, a woman is recommended to visit a gynecologist, and if no pathologies are found during the examination, then sexual activity can be resumed just 1–2 months after delivery.

Sexual life after caesarean section

Delivery by caesarean section allows you to leave the muscles of the vagina and perineum unchanged, so many people mistakenly believe that sexual rest can take less time than with natural childbirth. But, even though the birth canal is not involved, the recovery period cannot be less than a month, and in most cases it is even longer. The risks related to the wound surface from the placenta remain relevant, and new ones are added associated with the suture on the uterus. It is possible to resume sexual life only if the healing was successful and there are no painful sensations, the period in such a situation can vary within 4-12 weeks.

The presence of a suture after a caesarean section may lengthen the period of sexual rest after childbirth

Sex after childbirth: possible problems and solutions

The process of resuming sexual life in a couple after childbirth often becomes a real problem, since the changes that have occurred in the female body can be a source of pain and even psychological discomfort. The more difficult the birth was, the more difficult the recovery will be, so for a number of women even talking about sex during the first months is unpleasant. But do not despair - despite some difficulties in resuming an intimate life, after a while the sensations will not only become the same as before, but are also likely to improve significantly.

Lack of natural lubrication

The primary cause of discomfort during sex in all young mothers is the lack of natural lubrication. Due to a sharp decrease in estrogen, the production of mucus in the vagina is reduced, and the problem may remain relevant throughout the entire period of breastfeeding. The solution to this problem is the use of artificial lubricants, lubricants that are sold in intimate goods stores and pharmacies. When choosing, you should pay attention to several aspects:

• the lubricant should be water-based so as not to cause irritation and not have a negative effect on barrier contraceptives;
• the composition should be free of hormonal components;
• it is better to give preference to the simplest options, without additional additives and flavors.

The use of a lubricant will help neutralize the problem of lack of natural lubrication after childbirth

It is enough to apply the lubricant before sexual intercourse on the penis or the entrance to the vagina, if necessary, use an additional amount of the product in the process.

Recovery of intimate muscles

During natural childbirth, the muscles of the vagina undergo strong stretching, and not always their resource is enough to return to their original position on their own. Women are recommended to perform special Kegel exercises, which will help to significantly strengthen the muscle tissue of the intimate area. The complex should be carried out after feeding the baby and at least an hour after eating. The essence of the exercises is to squeeze and relax the muscles of the perineum in a sequential order. To begin with, it will be enough to hold the muscles for a few seconds, repeating for 5 minutes a day. With a constant increase in fixation time, it is possible to achieve excellent results.

Many of my girlfriends were very afraid that after giving birth their vagina would become very stretched, and sex would not give pleasure to either them or their partners. In none of the cases, the “bucket” effect, as it was called, was observed - the muscles themselves were restored under the influence of hormones (involution affects them too), plus special exercises, and by the time sex was allowed, almost everything fell into place .

Do this exercise anytime, anywhere!!! There will be no harm, only benefit. 4 sets of 8 reps of varying intensity. This is the same physical exercise only for the muscles of the vagina. Some pluses, I did before the birth. And after that it really helps to tighten everything up there, otherwise everything was squelching, the horror was straight.

Margo

https://www.baby.ru/community/view/44187/forum/post/111560915/

Pain and blood during sex

Often the resumption of sexual activity and blood secretions. The reasons for this phenomenon may be:

• cracks and stitches - they may not fully heal, and friction during intercourse caused bleeding and pain;
• lochia that has not yet ended - the uterus has not completely cleared and has not recovered, and sex caused her additional stimulation;
• the presence of growths of granulation tissue at the site of application of the suture material;
• postpartum complications, including erosion on the walls of the vagina.

Having found blood after sexual intercourse, a woman should consult a doctor to exclude the possibility of dangerous complications.

Sex with seams and tears

The presence of sutures after ruptures and episiotomies can make it much more difficult to return to sexual activity. Usually, within two months of sexual rest, they are completely overgrown, but this does not exclude the possibility of unpleasant sensations. The fact is that at the site of the sutured defects, the tissues will remain less elastic for a long time, so some positions or active movement during sex can cause a feeling that the seams are pulling. You should not ignore this, it is better to adjust the partner's position and try to find the most comfortable one, or try to have sex even later.

An episiotomy during childbirth imposes additional restrictions on sexual life after - you need to wait until the stitches are completely healed

Sex during lochia

Lochia are present during the entire period of recovery of the uterus after childbirth, respectively, their presence indicates that the wound from the placenta has not completely healed. Even despite the reduced volume of discharge, if there is any, then you should not have sex. In such a situation, there is a high risk of infection and the development of an inflammatory process, which is best avoided.

Libido after childbirth

After childbirth, many women experience a significant decrease in sexual desire, and this is due not only to fatigue and the state of the body, but also to natural hormonal changes. The process of breastfeeding is due to the active production of the hormone prolactin, which blocks ovulation. There is no ovulation - there is no possibility of getting pregnant, and accordingly there is no need for sex at the physiological level, because from the side of physiology the main task of sexual contact is conception.

Psychological problems

In the resumption of sexual life after childbirth, the state of the psyche of a young mother is of great importance. Many are faced with such a problem as postpartum depression, when even the desire to eat may be absent, not to mention sexual urges. Difficulties can be related to the following aspects:

• fear of re-pregnancy. This is especially true for women who have had difficult and prolonged childbirth. For them, sexual intercourse can remain under a subconscious ban for a long time - it is better to give up sex than to face the pain of childbirth again;
• fear of pain. The presence of sutures in the vagina, uterus, in the perineal area increases anxiety in this matter;
• feeling unattractive to a partner. It takes some time to restore shape after pregnancy and childbirth, many are faced with stretch marks on the body, and the breast due to lactation invariably changes its shape;
• fear that a man will lose sexual interest in his woman when he sees her in childbirth.

It is possible to cope with all psychological problems, and most of them are solved with the patience, attention and gentle attitude of a partner. The participation of the father will also help to minimize the risks of depression - a young mother should be given the opportunity to take a break from household chores and the baby, help with caring for the child. For the first sexual intercourse, you need to properly prepare, taking care of contraception, a calm environment and the comfort of sensations.

Correct positions for sex after childbirth

Even if during childbirth it was possible to do without gaps, during sex, especially in the first months, there may be pain in the perineum. For this reason, it is necessary to carefully choose positions, minimizing pressure and controlling the depth of penetrations. One of the most dangerous is the doggy-style position, in which the woman is on all fours, and the man enters her from behind. In this case, the pressure on the perineum and the depth of penetration of the penis are maximum. Positions in which translational movements are limited will be preferred, it is better to pay more attention to rotational entries. Consider three main positions that can reduce discomfort to nothing:

• "missionary" - a woman lies on her back with her legs spread, and a man enters her from above. In this situation, the partner has the opportunity to correct the friction by bending and lifting the legs;
• “rider” - a man lies on his back, and a woman sits on top of him, completely controlling the depth and frequency of occurrences;
• “on the side” - both partners lie on their side, the man sits down with closed legs, and the woman raises one leg up. This position is the safest, since in this case the depth of penis penetration into the vagina is minimal.

The effect of sex on lactation

Many women put off resuming sexual activity for fear of stopping the milk production process. In fact, sexual intercourse does not affect lactation in any way, and normally cannot have a negative effect on it. However, it has been proven that during an orgasm in a woman's body, the production of hormones such as oxytocin and prolactin increases. An increase in the production of these substances leads to an increase in the activity of the mammary glands. For this reason, good sex can even help women who are experiencing a lack of milk.

Contraception after childbirth

The first danger posed by unprotected intercourse after childbirth is a high risk of infection, especially if the woman has not yet healed the tears and the lining of the uterus has not recovered. The second aspect is the possibility of a new pregnancy. There is such a thing as lactational amenorrhea. Its essence lies in the fact that when breastfeeding in the body of a woman, a large amount of the hormone prolactin is produced, which in turn blocks the maturation of the egg and ovulation. Obviously, during such a period, unprotected sex will not end in pregnancy. But there is one subtlety - when exactly the menstrual cycle will be restored is unknown, it can happen both after 2 months and a year after childbirth, so it is extremely difficult to predict when making love without contraceptives is still safe. For this reason, contraception is necessary, and it is better to use barrier methods. The installation of a contraceptive spiral in the absence of contraindications is possible only 4 months after childbirth.

Condoms are the best method of protection in the first time after childbirth, as they protect not only from pregnancy, but also from infection

It is believed that the body after childbirth is fully restored within a year, at the same time, many women finish breastfeeding. As for the caesarean section, after it a break of at least 2-3 years is needed so that a fresh scar does not become a problem during gestation and delivery. Therefore, experts recommend using contraceptives during the recovery period, otherwise an early pregnancy can be difficult for a fragile body.

Video: sex after childbirth - how to solve problems

For many, sex after childbirth becomes a real problem, which is accompanied by pain, discharge, and psychological discomfort. The main thing is to understand that all these phenomena are temporary, and with the right approach, they are quickly resolved, and intimate life takes on new colors.

After the birth of a baby, a young mother has a lot of worries: feeding the baby, caring for her and herself, while no one has canceled household chores! She continues to cook, wash, clean and be a wife. After childbirth, a woman needs support, tenderness and affection, and after some time, the spouses come to a common decision to continue their sexual life. But, unfortunately, not everything is so simple in the intimate relationships of a man and a woman after the birth of a baby.

Reasons for not having sex immediately after giving birth

Each birth is purely individual. From the weight of the child, its location, the condition of the woman, the medical staff depends on how well the process of the baby's arrival in this world will go. Sexual life after childbirth is possible with the well-being of a young mother.

There are several things that make intimate relationships difficult or impossible.

1. Physiological reasons. After childbirth, a woman's hormonal background changes, so libido may disappear, and vaginal dryness may occur. Also, sexual life after childbirth can fail due to weakened muscle tension in a woman. As a result, she does not get proper pleasure.
2. medical reasons. Difficult natural childbirth or caesarean section entails the emergence of fear of pain in a young mother. If the stitches have not healed, then you should wait a bit with sex, otherwise the woman's sex life after childbirth will turn into a nightmare.
3. psychological reasons. Fear of getting pregnant again, being unattractive to a husband (especially after a partner birth), waking up a child, not experiencing pleasure - all this comes from the psychological state of a woman after childbirth.

The beginning of sexual activity after natural childbirth

Natural childbirth is a process in which a woman herself helps the baby to come into the world. This does not require surgery.

After such a process, every woman has a cleansing of the body. At this time, she has spotting according to the type of menstruation, the uterus gradually returns to its previous appearance. Also, a young mother may notice that she has become more feminine, has acquired rounded shapes of her breasts and buttocks. Naturally, such changes will not go unnoticed by the husband. He, like a normal man, has a desire and desire for his woman. Therefore, the spouses ask themselves the question: "Sexual life after childbirth: when can I start and will it be complete?" Doctors note that after natural childbirth, if there are no contraindications, you can have sex after 4-5 weeks. But there are many reasons why these dates are significantly shifted. We will consider them below.

Sex after cesarean

Sexual life after childbirth in the first month is strictly prohibited for women who gave birth by caesarean section. Yes, and in the second month it is difficult, because sex involves the tension of some muscles, their work. And this can lead to divergence of the seams and severe pain. It should be borne in mind that it takes time to restore the uterine mucosa, the sutures on it. In the case of surgical intervention during childbirth, it is important for spouses to know how long it will be safe to have sex after childbirth. Gynecologists advise starting it no earlier than 1.5 - 2 months after the operation. For your own peace of mind, before continuing an intimate life, you need to go for a consultation and examination with a doctor. After all, the seam on the skin heals faster than on the uterus.

Lack of sexual desire: psychological aspects

After the birth of a child, young spouses may experience fear before starting a sexual life. This can also be facilitated by the peculiarities of the psyche of the woman who gave birth and the man who was present at the birth.

The lack of desire to have sex after childbirth may be due to some psychological reasons. Although sexual life after natural childbirth may begin earlier, there is no guarantee that a woman is psychologically ready for it. The fair sex always wants to look beautiful. It's no secret that pregnancy can end in extra pounds. On this basis, plus post-natal psychosis, various complexes can appear: about appearance, inconsistency with the expectations of a man in sex, fear of the influence of sexual life on milk production. If the husband was present at the birth, the wife for some reason thinks that he will cool off for her. All these complexes are common myths if the spouses have strong family relationships. The birth of a child only strengthens them, although the man saw the suffering of the woman, although she changed a little. Sincerity in relationships, agreement and trust are important for starting a sexual life after childbirth. Then there will be no reason to deny yourself pleasure.

What could be the physiological reasons for the long absence of sex?

These factors include complications after childbirth and lack of desire, which is expressed at the physiological level.

Sexual life after childbirth can be complicated by such medical reasons as stitching stitches, their long healing. You just need to be patient and wait for a favorable time for an intimate relationship.

Another reason, no less important for spouses, is the dryness of the vagina and its expansion after childbirth. As a result, sexual intercourse does not bring pleasure to a woman and a man. Vaginal dryness is caused by the hormonal background of the body of a young mother; lubricants can be used to solve this problem. Another possible problem is the low tone of the muscles of the vagina, which prevents it from returning to its original shape. As a result, a woman does not have the opportunity to experience an orgasm, and a man does not experience the same pleasure as before. Naturally, who would like such a sex life after childbirth? Reviews of young mothers indicate that only after 8-12 months they were able to feel like a female lioness in intimacy with their spouse. We see that you just need to be patient, and then sex life will return to normal.

The Third Extra, or Fear of Sex Because of a Child

Another reason for the lack of sexual desire in a woman is the feeling of a third superfluous in the room - a child. She constantly twitches when he grunts, worries that he will wake up at the wrong time, and so on. To do this, you need to plan the time and arrange a romantic dinner, being sure that the child is sleeping. A simple solution to this problem is to move to another room during intimacy.

Contraception after childbirth

Many couples think in advance about how a woman does not get pregnant again. There is an opinion that with constant breastfeeding until the onset of menstruation, spouses can not be protected. But this is not a 100% method of contraception. Every woman has a different hormonal background. And if one after childbirth can become pregnant only after a year, then the other - after a month. There are many methods of contraception, some can be used immediately after the birth of the baby, others cannot. If you do not know which methods of protection against unwanted pregnancy to use, then you need to contact a competent specialist.

When is a specialist consultation necessary?

We looked at the main reasons why sex after childbirth may not bring any pleasure. In the case of slight deviations from the norm of physical and psychological health, with the support of the husband, these problems are easily solved. But if a married couple is not able to cope with them on their own, then one should not neglect the advice of such specialists as a gynecologist, psychologist, sexologist. Then sex life after childbirth will acquire a new taste for husband and wife.

The early onset of sexual activity, especially if the girl’s body is not yet prepared for it, is fraught with many problems in the intimate sphere and childbearing.

However, in today's situation, only two out of ten pregnant women are talking about childbirth at such a young age. The remaining eight have an abortion. 60% of first pregnancies end in abortion, and two-thirds of girls who have an abortion before the age of 18 develop infertility.

Sexologists say that regular sexual activity until the age of 18 hinders mental and physical development. The fact is that sex is a huge stress for the psyche and the endocrine and nervous systems, which is beyond the power of a developing organism.

To avoid the consequences of stress, young people begin to use alcohol and drugs, change partners, but nothing gives them satisfaction. This causes many teenage depressions leading to suicide.

When to start having sex?

Psychologists consider the optimal age for the onset of sexual activity to be 19-20 years old for girls and 22-24 years old for boys, that is, there is a gap of 5-10 years between the first sexual desires and complete physical and mental maturation. And what to do all these years? Scientists say: refrain.

The largest endocrinologists, physiologists, gynecologists and psychiatrists agree: there are no diseases that could be caused by abstinence in this age period.

Moreover, the energy required by young people to reach full physical and social maturity is sublimated, that is, transformed from sexual energy. And when sexual energy is wasted, a person loses moral and physical reserves for growth and personal achievements.

This is well known to sports coaches. In big sport, sexual life is allowed only after 22-25 years, because only at this age does it become compatible with huge sports loads. And even for adults, physically mature athletes, 1.5-2 weeks before the competition, complete abstinence is recommended - for the accumulation and mobilization of forces.

When can you start having sex?

There are no strict age or physiological limits. You can start when the person is ready for it. Readiness is meant psychological and informational. Psychologically, you must want it, and want it with this person, right now, in the conditions that exist today, want it of your own free will, without feeling any sacrifice on your part. Informationally, you should know in detail the features of female and male anatomy, physiology, methods of protection against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, methods of emergency contraception in case of unforeseen circumstances, have the coordinates of a doctor who can be contacted at any time for help and not be afraid that he will not take you seriously, scold you and tell your parents everything.

You must not only know the theory of contraceptive methods, but also have contraceptives with you and be able to use them, and also accept for yourself the principle for life - take care of yourself. Your protection is your own business, not your partner's business, even if he is more experienced and promises to take care of everything and you believe him in everything - do not let anyone be responsible for your life and health, except for yourself - NOBODY else can handle it with such a burden, and pay for it - only you and your unborn child. You must forever forget about the so-called. calendar method, calculation of safe days, coitus interruptus and safety of sexual life during menstruation. All these are myths worthy of only one thing - to be forgotten forever. You should also be aware of the ways to diagnose early pregnancy and how to terminate it real, not mythical.

You must exclude such a source of pseudo-medical information as the advice and experience of friends, mother or partner, Internet forums, articles in popular magazines, films - all this is an exchange of myths and rumors between amateurs, reliable information can only come from professional sources. You should have a place where you can meet safely without fear and where hygiene products are available. You must have money to buy contraceptives and pay for doctor visits and possible treatment. You should think in detail about the issue of relations with your parents on this topic: what and when you tell them, so as not to live in constant fear - they will find out / kill and not lie.

The first time is remembered for a lifetime. Not only by conscious memory, but also unconsciously - this is the first experience that the body encounters, and it writes it down on a white sheet as an example, with which all the others are then compared. The first time can determine your ideas about the norm for life, it's like the New Year - how you meet, so you can spend it - Therefore, try to make it perfect, do not let random impulses spoil future happiness.

You must love and feel loved. You don't have to fight with yourself and force yourself. And you have to ask yourself a hundred times - WHY you want it .. and whether you want it. You must be confident and feel your dignity. If you hesitate, then it's not time yet. And it doesn't matter how old you are.

When NOT to start:

Blackmail. "If you love - prove it." Love has never been proven in bed - and it does not require proof at all, it is a way of life, not a set of proof actions. If you think that your love needs to be proved, then you yourself do not believe in it. You are a free person and are not obliged to prove anything to anyone - you are who you are - and you can pretend to be different, but not become. And if this does not suit someone, then it will not suit them further, and you will never be free with this person. If you succumb to blackmail and -prove-, you will simply voluntarily allow yourself to be used - and it is precisely from this that you will feel bad in the first place - from the fact that you yourself allowed yourself to lose dignity and betray your love - and even blame someone.

Victim. "I want to give him the most precious thing, so that he understands how much I love him". This is the same as the first option, only an even more perverted idea of ​​​​love. Love has nothing to do with sacrifice - it is a feeling that only free people are capable of, ready to recognize and respect freedom in others. Therefore, he does not insist - he respects your freedom and waits until you are ready and make your free choice, without sacrifice, yourself, without shifting responsibility on him. Appreciate his nobility and be worthy of your partner. Take responsibility for yourself - do things without sacrificing for someone, but because you want it yourself. If you don't want to, don't do it. Understand that he will not be happy from your sacrifices, after which disappointment, regret and accusations of ingratitude will surely come. Do not humiliate your love with evidence, wait until you are ready.

If you consider the Beginning to be a proof of your love, its necessary criterion, its guarantee, your duty towards your beloved, an exam for your devotion, a sacrifice expected from you on the altar of love, and other similar thoughts hover in your head -. You would still wait - but some kind of material reinforcement of your words is expected from you - wait! You are not ready yet.

Age. "The time has come". This argument is not worthy of lengthy discussion. Readiness does not depend on calendar age. Why did you keep yourself up to such a respectable age, as you now think - In order to go against yourself with the same doubts as before - You do this to put a tick in front of some critical year - You are no longer a little girl, since you are so worried about age, it means that you already have the ability to imagine - what will happen next, after this desperate step - Something will really change for the better - Or you will then spend long nights communicating with your make excuses with your inner voice - If you are doing this because you are already so many years old, but still something is missing in life - learn to love. With this skill will come true readiness and a worthy object.

Self-assertion. "I'm already an adult, and this is the main occupation of adults." A typical childhood trait is to imitate adults, not understanding the essence of actions. Try on my mother's shoes, although they are terribly uncomfortable to walk in - why does she wear this, because she is an adult. Make up - but now you won’t touch your eyes, you won’t go out into the rain, and in general your face has become so sloppy - why does she do this, because adults all put on makeup, it’s necessary. Say -adult-words, although you yourself want to plug your ears- Try to smoke, drink, then suffer, then overcome your disgust and continue - and why am I worse than adults. And let it be bad for me, and let me be ridiculous in my childish attempts to imitate, and let me really not want all this at all. But that's how it's supposed to be. A teenager should rebel and do everything out of spite. He must be different from a child - adults must finally see that a teenager is NOT a CHILD, but an adult. And adults see a typically childish trait - to try everything that is unknown and copy their adult behavior in their own way. They have always been touched by this feature, they are touched by it even now in the back of their consciousness, because in the first place, of course, their concern for your health, as in childhood when you played with glass and fire. But besides these experiences, all the same, the remaining thoughts are not - -how he matured-, but -what a funny child he is, but I thought - he is already an adult-. Like this. Keep this in mind just in case when you do something to prove your worth. Consistency, independence, freedom, self-respect, responsibility - all these are signs of an adult, independent of his calendar age. And like all true values, they do not require proof, they are obvious! And if it seems to you that others do not recognize them for you, then they simply do not exist yet! Do not break your life, inventing evidence - engage in self-improvement, this will prove to everyone your Adulthood much faster.

And don't forget - adults do have more rights. But they also bear much more responsibility. And they dream of getting rid of it for a while and being able, as in childhood, to shift the responsibility onto another. For someone else to deal with the consequences of their mistakes. Unfortunately, in sexual life, each person clears up his mistakes himself - mom will be glad to transfer all your suffering to herself, but she can’t! Infections are for you to treat, abortion is for you, infertility after an abortion is for you to treat. You're old enough to be ready for this challenge- Or maybe you should wait with that kind of self-assertion and go back to the good old antics like provocative hair and loud music. Let it be only touching, not tragic - evidence of your growing up.

Curiosity. "There's so much talk about it - you should finally try it." Also a childhood classic. Try how fire burns, try how a toy breaks, try how a pencil draws - try a drug, try sex. So much talk! I want too. If you don't like it, I won't - it's just a test - once.

You know, curiosity is generally a trait inherent in all living things. This is the basis of learning, gaining experience. This is a wonderful property when it is correctly satisfied - first at the expense of someone else's experience! Everyone knows the saying that a fool learns from his own mistakes, and a smart one learns from others. Let now you do not trust the specific adults who surround you, and despise their personal experience. But there are books! Mankind has written all its experiences in books more than once! Why not once - yes, because she also did not trust the experience of previous generations; But the moment must come when the next inexperienced person will be smarter than the previous ones - and will not just read, but BELIEVE the experience of mankind. He will believe that the drug differs from the usual substance in that it causes addiction - sometimes - the first time, and it is not known whether it will cause you the first time, therefore, you cannot rely on the experience of your friend. He will believe that it is easy to get pregnant and get infected from the first unsuccessful time, and sex becomes the best pleasure in the world only when a person is ready for it!

I get emails EVERY DAY with the following content: "I tried it. I didn't feel anything good. Why is there so much talk about it? What am I doing wrong?" Maybe someone will take into account this experience - the experience of your peers and contemporaries! I can assure you that if you are not ready yet, your curiosity will not be satisfied. You will remain in the dark, moreover, in disappointment, you will blame yourself and your partner, you may lose faith in yourself and decide that you are not allowed to experience this pleasure at all - remember the importance of the first experience - the body can remember it as the norm - and give out these feelings all subsequent times - In general, if you really want to know what it is - read books about love, watch movies, develop yourself as a person and learn to love. And you will know everything in due time - and only a small child can be offended by such a phrase, and the older a person is, the more often he repeats it - for a reason. And because it comes to him!

Fear of standing out. "In our class / yard / institute - EVERYONE is already walking and talking! I'm the only one" This is a famous joke. And you, too, tell! If you really want to be like everyone else. It's a classic sign of immaturity, but it does have an outlet. An adult, of course, will simply skip this item, because it does not concern him. The basis of his adulthood is that he is not afraid to be different. Not deliberately deliberately wants to stand out with an earring in his nose. This is a tool for those who have nothing else to stand out, forgive me those who want to be offended by this. Not on purpose not to be like everyone else - because this is also lack of freedom! And just do not be afraid in some situations, when there is a choice between personal freedom and dogmas established by someone - choose your freedom. Here it is important not to confuse dogmas (such as the onset of sexual activity before a certain age) with norms (such as the onset of sexual activity with a condom). Rules are for people's safety! Dogmas have no rational explanation. This is how they differ.

How to prepare for the first time

Meet to basics anatomy and physiology female and male reproductive system. Find out how all this is correctly called, how it looks, how it works, what is true and what is a myth. There are many books and articles and even educational films about this. Do not trust information received from girlfriends.

Explore your menstrual cycle. Mark the days of the beginning of menstruation, count the length of the cycle. To then understand - a delay or not. Do not immediately be scared if the cycle is still irregular - this may be an age-related variant of the norm. Do not draw conclusions yourself - if something bothers you, the doctor should understand. Do not try to calculate dangerous and safe days from your schedules - there are none, you can get pregnant on any day of the cycle, even during menstruation. If one of your friends was carried away when they were protected by this method, this is a happy accident for them, which may not be so happy for you.

Find your doctor. Here you can use the advice of friends or mothers, search on the Internet. The doctor should be available to you - psychologically and financially, without this you cannot start. The doctor should advise you regarding the selection of contraception, preferably BEFORE you start. And of course, you should come to the doctor immediately after the Beginning - take smears, look at the condition of the cervix - and then do it regularly.

Buy quality condoms and learn how to use them. Condoms should always be with you, the myth that this is the business of a man is a myth, this is what you need first of all. There should be several of them with you - in case of repeated sexual intercourse, because everyone should be protected - do not run to the pharmacy in the middle of the process. A condom is the best way to start a sexual life, because it is the only one that prevents the transmission of germs. And even if you start with a person in whom you are confident as in yourself, the composition of microbes in this person is still different. And when other people's microbes (normal, not infection) get to another person, they often cause an inflammatory process - just as a reaction to someone else's. This inflammation is not always a sexually transmitted infection, but it is a consequence of the transmission of foreign microbes, therefore it proceeds with the same symptoms and is treated in the same way - with antibiotics. Inflammation of the genital tract - colpitis, - thrush - and the bladder - cystitis - are very frequent companions of the Beginning. If you start with a condom and use it for the first few months, trouble can be avoided. Even if you and your doctor have chosen hormonal contraception as a protection against pregnancy, you still need to use a condom at the beginning - because hormones do not save you from infections.

A condom only works if it is put on on time- at the very beginning, before the introduction of the penis into the vagina. Otherwise, if you put it on just before ejaculation, it is practically useless: the lubricant released from the head of the penis during intercourse contains spermatozoa and microorganisms - thus. and unwanted pregnancy and infection can occur even though you put on a condom afterwards. That is why such a common method of contraception as interrupted sexual intercourse is also ineffective, except that partners do not always have time to interrupt it. And again, if you have a lot of acquaintances who so far - carried - you should not risk your health - you should have an abortion, not them.

How to use a condom and what to tell your partner

To keep the condom from falling off did not break in the process, it must be of high quality (well-known companies: Durex, Lifestile, Contex, Preventor, Innotex, and not cheap Chinese), with an unexpired expiration date, bought at a pharmacy. Young people reading this paragraph should also remember that some girls, wanting to get pregnant, pierce packages - and check the integrity of the package yourself, and best of all - use those that you buy yourself. What if it's true.

You also need to know putting on a condom correctly: they all have a sperm reservoir at the tip, so it is necessary that there is no air in the condom (and in this reservoir in particular). It is when there is air inside that the pressure increases during movement, and the latex breaks. In order not to leave air inside, before putting on (before rolling out), it is necessary to tightly clamp the reservoir, releasing air from it, and then put it on an erect penis, again pressing tightly and all the time squeezing out possible air down from the condom - into the street - . This is a certain skill that is not at all ashamed to learn alone on a cucumber or a banana.

During anal sex, some anatomical features, when even expensive condoms break, and also when you know that your partner is a carrier of a serious disease, for example, hepatitis B, or when, due to some circumstances (taking antibiotics, strong drugs, etc.), pregnancy is not is simply not needed, and its onset is catastrophic - sometimes it makes sense to put on two condoms at once.

Take off the condom it is also necessary on time and carefully, otherwise all precautions will be taken in vain if, after removal, the sperm enters the vagina.

Remember that pregnancy and infection can lead to contact sperm into the vagina. This does not necessarily mean violation of virginity. Spermatozoa can get from hands, clothes, underwear - during games and caresses. The hymen is not a barrier to sperm - it has a hole in it! You can get pregnant during anal sex if the sperm gets into the next hole later. You can get pregnant with interrupted intercourse, in particular - repeated, when the first one was with a condom - because there may be remnants of sperm on the penis. It is impossible to get pregnant during oral sex, but it is possible to get infections - the same as during normal sex.

Remember that you have 72 hours after unprotected intercourse for some reason to resort to the so-called. emergency contraception- postinor - but this is just in case of an accident - rape or a rupture of a condom. It is an alternative to abortion and should be treated as such, it is not much more harmless.

Know about the structure and features hymen. Everyone has it. But it is easily stretchable and does not always break. Very often it only breaks, then there is very little blood for the first time, but it appears on the second and third time, along with unpleasant sensations - it turns out that every time is like the first. Don't worry, sooner or later it will end when it finally breaks completely. If spotting during intimacy has a source not external, but internal - you need to go for an examination and check the condition of your cervix, with erosion this phenomenon is quite frequent. But we have already said that going to the doctor in any case is obligatory after the Beginning. Sometimes the hymen does not even tear, but only stretches. Then there is no blood at all, and you may receive a reproach from your partner for not virginity. Meanwhile, this is the most common of the possible situations. The hymen is stretched, you feel discomfort not only for the first time, but also in subsequent ones, especially at the very beginning, which then pass - this is normal! The hymen hole remained as it was, so at the beginning it is always unpleasant. But it stretches, and in the process the discomfort disappears, especially if there is enough lubrication. Finally, the hymen will most likely tear during childbirth. As you understand, virginity is not a state of the hymen. You can keep anatomical virginity, having been engaged in sophisticated forms of sex with different people for years, and vice versa - you can lose your virginity as a result of trauma or rape, remaining completely inexperienced for a long time. But if it is the state of the hymen that interests you, such “virginity” is easily restored surgically. Only whom will you deceive in this way - A man also judges your experience not by the appearance of the hymen. And he also knows about the operations to restore virginity :)

Learn about pregnancy diagnostics. If you doubt the reliability of your protection in advance, before menstruation, you can find out about pregnancy 8-10 days after intercourse by donating blood from a vein to the pregnancy hormone - beta-hCG. There is NOTHING to know before. None of the "signs of pregnancy" - nausea, change in taste, sensitivity to smells, sensations in the abdomen, lower back, increased urination, sore breasts and/or nipples, breast engorgement, changes in weight and mood - are not reliable signs of pregnancy, as well as their absence is not a guarantee of its non-occurrence. Sometimes even menstruation cannot be a guarantee, because in the early stages of pregnancy there may be a threat of interruption, expressed in bleeding. In the people it is called -washing the fetus-. Such - monthly - as a rule, differ from the usual ones in terms of abundance and soreness, after them all the sensations of "pregnancy" remain. A urine pregnancy test can be done no earlier than the first day of delay, before that its indications are invalid. It can be false negative even after a delay, so if it does not show pregnancy, but there is no menstruation, go donate blood. Ultrasound shows pregnancy in the early stages - only after a week of delay and only done by a vaginal sensor and a skilled specialist. Otherwise, its negative result does not mean anything. An examination by a gynecologist on an armchair will also not say anything specific in the early stages. Therefore, the only reliable test is a blood test in combination with a vaginal ultrasound. Again - assess your readiness - You can go to a paid laboratory and take a paid urgent blood test from a vein for pregnancy in your city -..

Learn about. Termination of pregnancy is called abortion and there are no alternatives to it. No hot baths, herbs, milk with iodine, pills and other shamanistic tricks. All attempts to get rid of pregnancy without going to the doctor are dangerous for your life.

Get to know the basics psychology of the opposite sex. For example. Men tend to clearly separate love and sex. Women tend to combine them. The ability to share (even with the same person) comes with experience, but at first for girls these are synonymous words, and this is the reason for their broken hearts. No need to overtake your experience and stock up on cynicism - you just need to try to understand that your partner's attitude is different from your attitude. And this is normal, and he does not want to offend you, and he is not guilty of anything and he does not deceive you! It's just that men and women have different truths, that's all. Women tend to have sex because they love. And men - because they want to have sex. And how can you blame them for being honest, and women live in captivity of their fantasies, transfer their ideas to him and think that he lives according to their laws and if he has sex, it means he loves- How can you accuse men of cheating when they succumb to the persistent requests of women whose hearing is an erogenous zone - -say that you love-- How can you blame them when they repeat this to please a woman, because if they remain silent out of honesty, she will be even more unhappy, they already checked this - How can later, when it turns out that it was just sex for them, to claim that they deceived you - you deceived yourself, not knowing, not wanting to know the features of their physiology and psychology. Men and women are people from different planets, and if you want to keep your mental health while gaining experience, always remember this and don't be fooled. Be free and let your partner be free - and enjoy free communication.

Learn to please yourself. Study your body, your reactions, learn to have an orgasm. For some reason, many people think that a partner should teach them. Why he should know you better than you yourself - It is very important to learn BEFORE you start, then you will know what and how you should achieve, you will be able to teach your partner how to properly please you, and you will not be disappointed by early starters . For they often begin in order to find out why. And if you find out in advance, then this reason will disappear, and then there will be time and strength to wait for the true reason - mutual love. You will also be able to give pleasure to yourself and your partner without violating your virginity and without exposing yourself to the risk of infections and unwanted pregnancies. And of course, in advance, avoid the need to pretend, imitate pleasure, so as not to convey your disappointment to your partner, who is not to blame for anything.

Train pelvic floor muscles. There are special Kegel exercises, the simplest ones - squeezing the muscles of the anus and holding it in a compressed state, as well as interrupting the stream of urine during urination by force of the muscles - and holding it. This is not only useful for the pelvic organs - like any exercise, it not only increases the sensuality and strength of orgasm, it also helps prevent such a frequent unpleasant phenomenon as air entering the vagina during intimacy - this happens due to untrained muscles that cannot grip the penis tightly - then, as in the case of air in a condom - during movement, the pressure rises, and the air comes out with force - only in this case it exits through the entrance to the vagina, making a characteristic sound that can ruin your whole mood and sometimes - for a long time to settle in you shame and awkwardness.

Find the right one place, time and resolve the issue with parents.

How to start

First, you must be confident in yourself, that you are doing the right thing, of your own free will, and do not feel guilty about it before anyone.

Secondly, you must be confident in your partner and not be afraid to tell him something. He is not obliged to guess (and this is impossible) the thoughts in your head, and believe me, he is now worried a little less than you, and really wants to do everything that depends on him so as not to harm you. Because he treats you well and because he also understands the importance of the First time for subsequent ones - what attitude do you have towards It now - it will be very difficult to deal with such a later in the future, so it is beneficial for everyone that the first impression is good! Therefore, since you have common goals and objectives - help each other, do not become isolated in your supposedly personal problems, but learn to trust and talk about what worries you. Then it will be much easier for others to help you. Arrange in advance for signal, which will mean - immediately stop! - just in case.

Thirdly, you must create the right atmosphere. There should be a bath or shower, there should be a comfortable and "quiet" bed, not a creaky one, there should be a closed door, there should be peace of mind that no one will open this door from the other side.

To relax a little, a little wine won't hurt. Only a LITTLE - and wine, not vodka and beer. Otherwise, the action will be quite the opposite. Intoxication should not reach such an extent that you forget the need and the rules for putting on a condom.

Teach your partner to please you and get orgasm BEFORE penetration. Substances released in the brain during orgasm - endorphins - a person has learned to synthesize artificially - and called them narcotic analgesics - they eliminate pain, lull and cause addiction. Use natural analogues - it's that easy!

After you have enjoyed, endorphins take over your brain, and the amount of lubrication is enough for penetration, the condom is put on correctly - you can have the first sexual intercourse itself - defloration. Still, remember the physiology - there is a hymen and it needs to be torn - so the feeling of an obstacle is normal, the unpleasant sensations of tension and even creaking are normal, acute pain is normal, blood is normal. Also remember that for many, the hymen does not tear, but stretches, and therefore the absence of a sensation of an obstacle, the absence of blood is also normal. Do not leave the pain - on the contrary, lean towards it and open up - you yourself want it - so do what you want yourself - and enjoy it - it will quickly cover temporary pain. If anything - you always have the opportunity to give the coveted signal. An alternative that is sometimes resorted to - artificial, surgical defloration - going to the doctor and cutting the hymen with a scalpel or a surgical laser - does not solve the problem of pain - the hymen itself remains in place and still there will be pain at the first entry. In addition, the incisions can heal - and everything will have to start all over again. In addition to pathological conditions - see the article "" - natural defloration can be tolerated, especially if you get an orgasm before that. The main reason for your sensations during sexual life - pleasant or unpleasant, the selection of one among all and fixation on it - is psychological, not physical. Therefore, you must first prepare and solve problems in your head and life, and then start a new life with joy, and not fear and deliberate expectation of the bad.

If a lubricants not enough, you can use artificial, BUT! When using a condom - only water-based - gels. You can special, sold in sex shops - for example, Montavit gel. You can use other gels sold in a pharmacy, for example, solcoseryl gel - not intended for lubrication, but which can replace it. Fat-based creams and ointments, including hand creams, face creams, baby creams, liquid paraffin, dissolve latex, so they should never be used with a condom.

After any intimacy, a shower is desirable, and after defloration, a shower is required. Or a bath.

Then you can do whatever you want - everything you read about and saw in films, everything you dreamed about - love each other. Do not forget that EVERYONE should be protected sexual intercourse in your life, not just the first.

If you know all this in advance, along with the basics of contraception, you will be really ready for the No-Drama Beginning. No one gets behind the wheel without learning the rules of the road. And on how well a person has learned them, as well as how well he understands driving a car, his own safety depends, even if other drivers make mistakes.

And once again about age. Where, after all, is that criterion - up to this point it is still too early, but from now on - you can - And why does age not matter when the Beginning is a clear exit to adulthood. You can't become an adult when you're a child. And it is impossible, being an adult, to keep virginity - this is illogical. In fact, there is a criterion. And it really is adulthood. Adult- this is a person who is able to take responsibility for his health, his life, and also ready to take additional responsibility for the health of another adult person - his partner, and also - always ready to take responsibility for a possible child that an adult can always have. That's when you - financially, informationally, psychologically - are ready to take responsibility for yourself, your partner and your unborn child - to bear it yourself, without blaming anyone, knowing what you will do specifically when problems arise - this means that you are old enough to start. And then, when you want to do this, this is already your free choice, which should not at all depend on age and other false reasons that we tried to sort out in this article.