How loneliness distorts our consciousness: the consequences of social isolation. Resentment and disappointment tempered her character

An ordinary girl Sara Shurd spent about two months in Tehran's Evin prison: she heard extraneous steps, saw lights, spent most of the time on all fours and listened to what was happening behind the scenes. closed door. That summer, 32-year-old Sarah, accompanied by two of her friends, set off to travel through the mountains of Iraqi Kurdistan. On the border with Iran, they were arrested on suspicion of espionage and taken into custody. Sarah spent about ten thousand hours in solitary confinement, she was haunted by hallucinations. “With peripheral vision, I fixed flashes of light, but when I turned my head, they immediately disappeared,” the girl said in an interview. The New York Times in 2011. One day I heard someone screaming. This cry was in my ears until I was brought to my senses by a friendly guard. It turned out that I was screaming myself.

We all want to be alone from time to time, away from the crowd and conversations with colleagues. But loneliness within a group of people and alone with yourself are two different things. For the vast majority of people, prolonged social isolation is detrimental to mental health. We are familiar with this phenomenon not only on the basis of other people's stories, but also from scientific research and experiments on isolation and social deprivation, many of which were never completed due to the frightening reactions of the test subjects. Why do people are capable of losing their minds when left alone, and is there a way to avoid insanity in such situations?

Few will argue that isolation is harmful to a person physically. It is known that lonely people are more likely to suffer from high pressure, they are more vulnerable to viral infections, moreover, they have increased risk development of Alzheimer's syndrome and dementia. Loneliness affects well-being: the state of sleep, attention, logical and verbal thinking, causes frustration immune system, hormonal imbalance, activates inflammatory processes in the body. What is behind similar violations, it is not completely clear - perhaps the reason lies in evolution - it was physically dangerous for our ancestors to be without the support of their fellow tribesmen.

In the modern world, however, the refusal to contact other people entails not only different kind illnesses, but the greatest blow falls on the work of consciousness. For example, isolation affects our perception of time. People who spent for a long time without sunlight noted the effect of time shift. Mikel Siffre went on a two-week expedition to study underground glaciers french alps. After some time, he found that under the influence of darkness his consciousness began to change, and decided to spend another two months underground. The researcher left all measuring instruments outside and lived in accordance with his biological clock. After completing the experiment, Mikel found that two minutes of earth time was equivalent to five of his subjective minutes underground.

A similar effect of time dilation was observed by the sociologist and amateur speleologist Maurizio Montalbini. In 1993, he spent 366 days in an underground cave built by NASA to train astronauts. Maurizio himself was convinced that only 219 days had passed during his absence, his diurnal cycle almost doubled. Recent studies have also shown that in the dark, most people adjust to a 48-hour rhythm of 36 hours awake and 12 hours of sleep. The reasons this phenomenon still not installed.

In the middle of the twentieth century, many experiments were carried out on the social deprivation of a person. In the 1950s and 60s, it was believed that the Chinese were using solitary confinement to "indoctrinate" American prisoners of war captured during the Korean War. Around the same time, the Departments of Defense of the United States and Canada began funding a series of experiments that, from the point of view of modern Western ethics, seemed unacceptable. For example, a study by psychologist Donald Hebb, which took place in medical center McGill University in Montreal. The scientists invited volunteers - mostly college students - to live for two to several weeks in soundproof rooms. The goal was to bring physical activity subjects to a minimum and look at their reaction. The test subjects were given special ammunition that reduces the ability to perceive information to a minimum: glasses, gloves, cardboard cuffs reaching to the fingertips, U-shaped sound-absorbing pillows that were worn on the head. Air conditioners were installed inside the rooms, whose noise drowned out any external sounds. After just a couple of hours, the volunteers felt anxious, they wanted to regain their ability to feel and tried to break the monotony of their pastime: they tried to speak, sing or read poetry out loud.

Later, many of them began to behave extremely emotionally and restlessly, isolation also affected their intellectual abilities, the ability to solve arithmetic problems and pass association tests. The most disturbing aftermath has been hallucinations - wisps of light turning into lines, spots, and even specific visual images like squirrels carrying backpacks over their shoulders, or a procession of spectacles descending down the street. The subjects did not control their visions: some imagined dogs, some imagined babies. Some had auditory hallucinations: they heard the sounds of a hurdy-gurdy or choral singing. Others have imaginary tactile sensations, as if they were shot in the arm or electrocuted. AT real world it was not easy for the subjects to shake off this altered perception of reality. It seemed to them that the rooms where they sat were in motion, and the objects of the surrounding world were constantly changing their shape and size.

Anxious end

The experiment had to be interrupted earlier than planned due to the inability of the students to physically continue the tests - no one could hold out in such conditions longer than a week. Hebb later wrote in the American Psychologist that he was alarmed by the results: "It is one thing to read about how the Chinese brainwashed prisoners of war, it is quite another to watch with your own eyes how people deprived of the opportunity to watch, hear and feel go crazy."

In 2008 clinical psychologist Ian Robbins, together with the BBC, repeated Hebb's experiment. He put six volunteers for 48 hours in the soundproof chambers of a former nuclear bunker. The results were similar - the development of anxiety, increased emotionality, intrusive thoughts, mental disorder, hallucinations. Why does the brain of a tactile-deprived person behave this way? Cognitive psychologists believe that the part of the brain responsible for performing current tasks gets used to receiving and processing a large number of information coming to the senses. Robbins notes that when sources of information go missing, nervous system still continues to transmit signals to the central processing unit of the brain, despite the falsity of these signals. The brain, in turn, tries to interpret them, creating holistic images on this basis. In other words, he tries to construct the world on the basis of impulses that are weakly reaching him, as a result of which he creates a fantastic reality.

Such deceptions of the psyche should not surprise us. First, we know that other primates are also poorly adapted to social exclusion. Harry Harlow, a psychologist at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, decided to study this issue in the 1960s using rhesus monkeys as an example. Newborn macaques from several months to a year grew completely alone. They showed anxiety already after 30 days, after a year their ability to social contacts of any level was practically destroyed. Secondly, because a person learns to be aware of his emotions through communication with other people. Biologists believe that it was the cooperation of our ancestors in the distant past that contributed to the evolution of human sensory experience. The primary function of emotions is social. If there is no one who can share with us the feeling of fear, anger, anxiety or sadness, and evaluate their relevance, then a person will live with a distorted idea of himself, an irrational perception of surrounding events and phenomena.

To date, there are about 25,000 prisoners in specially protected prisons in the United States. Without social interaction such prisoners have no way to test the reality of their emotions and the adequacy of their thoughts, argues Terry Coopers, a forensic psychiatrist at the California Institute at Berkeley. This is one reason many people suffer from anxiety, paranoia and obsession. Craig Haney, a psychologist at the University of California at Santa Cruz and a leading mental health US prisoners, claims that some of them deliberately start an open confrontation with the guards in order to confirm their existence, to remember who they are.

Confrontation strategies

Social isolation can destroy a person's consciousness, but there are ways to counter it. Everyone copes in their own way - some better, some worse. Is there a way to protect yourself if you happen to be imprisoned? There is no consensus among scientists on this question, but let's look at examples of those people who managed to avoid insanity after many years spent alone with themselves.

Hussein al-Shahristani was Saddam Hussein's chief nuclear adviser. He was imprisoned in the Abu Khraim prison near Baghdad after he refused to support a project to develop an atomic weapon for Iraq. Hussain managed to maintain his sanity during 10 years of solitary confinement, he trained his brain by solving mathematical problems that he composed for himself. Today he works as the Deputy Minister of Energy of Iraq. Similar Method used during her seven-year captivity by the Hungarian communist government Edith Bohn, Dr. medical sciences and a translator. She constructed an abacus from slices of stale bread and went over in her mind vocabulary of the six languages that she was fluent in.

Members of military organizations endure isolation relatively easier. Caron Fletcher, a consultant psychiatrist who works with ex-POWs, says the detentions and interrogations he endured while serving in the RAF are good preparation for his own conclusion. “You learn the basics of resistance,” he says. “Besides, you believe that your friends and colleagues will turn themselves inside out to free you. In my opinion, military people are less likely to succumb to despair in a difficult situation. Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness can play with you bad joke they undermine morale and the will to live."

US Senator John McCain proved by his own example that a military mindset provides psychological advantages in this matter. The five and a half years he spent in a Vietnam prison only strengthened his spirit. About two years of his imprisonment, he says this: “Solitary confinement is a terrible thing. They crush your spirit and weaken your ability to resist more than any other form of cruelty ... Despair seizes you immediately. It is yours main enemy for the period of confinement.

extreme reality

Psychologists who study how people cope with the effects of lockdown have learned a lot from the experiences of pioneers and climbers. For many adventurers who voluntarily withdraw from society, being in contact with nature can serve as an effective substitute for face-to-face contact. Norwegian psychologist Gro Sandal from the University of Bergen conducted a survey of a group of travelers on how they cope in extreme conditions alone, and noted that the ability to accept the situation is the main method of solving this problem: "Then they feel safe, feel less alone." A similar psychological phenomenon explains why shipwrecked and sailors thrown onto a desert island, fictitious friends appear, and sometimes even groups of imaginary comrades-in-arms with whom they try to share loneliness. Such madness is simply defense mechanism. As in the story of the traveler Ellen MacArthur and her trimaran called Moby. During her circumnavigation in 2005, the girl sent letters to friends with the signature "Love, E. and Moby." In her public posts online, she used the pronoun "we" instead of "I".

There is no better illustration of the power of loneliness, which can crush one person and liberate another, than the story of Bernard Moitessier and Donald Crowhurst, two participants in the 1968 Sunday Times Golden Globe regatta. Moitessier, an ascetic Frenchman, practiced yoga throughout his journey and fed the petrels that landed on his stern - he liked the process so much that the idea of returning to civilization became alien to him. Having sailed one more time around the earth, he landed on the island of Tahiti: “I spend all my time on the high seas, because here I am happy,” he said. “Perhaps this will help save my soul.” The second member, Crowhurst, felt miserable from the start. He left England insufficiently prepared for the event, and sent false reports of his whereabouts from the very beginning of the journey. He drifted aimlessly off the coast for months. South America and his despondency and loneliness only intensified. In the end, he closed himself in his cabin, wrote suicide note and jumped overboard. His body was never found.

What conclusion can we draw from these stories of opposition and despair? Obviously, we lose a lot of strength, finding ourselves outside of society. Isolation, according to writer Thomas Carlyle, is at the root of unhappiness. However, there are more optimistic assessments that are no less true - we can always stay sane, even when we are alone, if we manage to find solace beyond the boundaries of our own "I". You must always be ready and be able to show perseverance. At the same time, we cannot underestimate the power of our imagination, which knocks on the walls of solitary confinement, penetrates inside ice caves and introduces us to imaginary friends.

In one of the previous articles, I started the topic of loneliness. And I think it’s worth adding some information to it. many women go around in circles in solving this problem, not solving it, but only exacerbating it.

The main feelings in a state of loneliness, according to some studies, are a feeling of uselessness and fear of one's real feelings.

Loneliness is a feeling that corrodes the soul, due to dislike and uselessness. It is worth finding your center inside so that this feeling does not bother you.

What causes the feeling of loneliness?

A woman begins to hide from herself, from the pain that arises inside in connection with this problem. This may be excessive activity in communication, or going to work, or simply unwillingness to see anyone. She begins to look for confirmation of the fact (loneliness) in all the events of life, whether it is that there is no one to call for help in domestic matters or spending an evening alone. The meaning of life is lost if there is no loved one nearby.

And when everything goes according to this scenario, the problem of loneliness is exacerbated. After all, our power of thinking plays a huge role in this. Pain accumulates inside, and this, accordingly, is mirrored to us by our Universe. Can someone offend with a word or ignore, relationships do not add up, etc.

After all, we forget about ourselves, losing our center in pursuit of a satellite. At this point, we consider that external indicators more important than our inner harmony. But in fact, the opposite is true. Until we reduce the importance of this and return to ourselves, acknowledge our feelings and the pain that is inside, or find love inside, so that we can “shine” for others, nothing in life will change.

Therefore, my dear readers, everything is in your hands. You either use this moment to remove various negative beliefs and reactions and move on to happy life, or vice versa, you find yourself in a deep swamp, from which it becomes more and more difficult to get out over time.

Analyze your feelings about relationships with a man and your loneliness. Perhaps you still have a grudge against men in your soul (this may be a bad relationship with your father or former partners)
Recognize all these feelings and pain that is inside. Feel them, talk to them about what they reveal to you. It could be that you don't feel worthy of a real relationship, or you're just shutting yourself off from the world so that no one else will hurt you. Fill these feelings with the light of love. Watch what happens to them.
After working on your feelings, try to open up to life every day. Look for confirmation that you are being cared for and noticed. Let, at first it will be a glance of a passerby, a compliment from a colleague, or just congratulations on the holiday from a friend.
Cultivate within yourself a sense of comfort and security in this world.
Send love to all the men of this planet, read more about this practice.
cherish and cherish your inner woman idolize her. Then she will begin to radiate this love into the outer world. I recommend the practice
If you cannot solve the problem of loneliness on your own, contact a specialist - a psychologist who will help you do this.

And remember, the inside is more important than the outside. First, find all the feelings within yourself so that the Universe will respond to you in the same way.

I wish you mutual love and inner harmony. I hope in the very near future you will forget about the problem of loneliness of women.

With love for you Marina Danilova.

If you feel lonely, you have a very difficult time. When all other basic needs are satisfied, loneliness becomes even more pronounced. If you are alone, you have no one to share your worries and hopes with. It's devastating. And sadness is completely natural - it is normal for a person to want to communicate and be closer to other people. If you want to deal with your loneliness, you need to take action.

How does loneliness get worse with time?

You may have noticed that when you find yourself alone, you begin to perceive people with suspicion. This is normal - deep down we associate loneliness with danger. Even if you choose to be alone, you will still feel that society has rejected you. The gap between you and other people will widen if you don't take action. You can even make things worse if you stop thinking of yourself as a normal person and don't try to make friends, start to lose communication skills that quickly disappear if you don't communicate with anyone, become an annoyed person because all the problems will seem bigger, and lose motivation - it will begin to seem to you that you simply do not have the strength to communicate. Don't let loneliness steal all your energy. Start taking action.

What kind of friends do you need?

How to make friends

For friendship you need some kind of foundation - a common hobby, occupation, opinion. You should go where you are most likely to find someone to befriend. These are various events, groups and clubs of interest. If you find it difficult to communicate with people, you can simply go to courses oratory- it will be useful doubly.

How it works

When you join a group, you feel that you must attend regularly. It is difficult for you to forget and miss a meeting. You can meet new people there, introduce yourself to strangers. Try to find as much as possible in common between you and the people with whom you would like to spend more time. Your communication will improve naturally. Just take the first step to forget about loneliness, and your life will be filled with the people you missed so much. it the simplest technique, but it works flawlessly even with the most constrained and shy people. Sooner or later, you meet exactly the kind of friend you dreamed about before, and you just forget that you were once alone. The main thing is to be determined and take action. Loneliness never goes away on its own, only your efforts can make your life happy and filled with emotions.

Spending evenings in complete seclusion in their younger years, people are little aware that this habit can play a cruel joke. Also, you should not lose your friends in the course of life, you must definitely be close to someone, otherwise there will come a moment of complete loneliness. But what can be considered such a state, why is loneliness dangerous for a person, why psychologists say that many are at risk of becoming lonely modern people? Is it possible to avoid this unpleasant state, what measures to take initially so that loneliness is bypassed - we will learn about everything in more detail.

The legendary Leo Tolstoy noted that, “the happiness of a person outside of society is unrealistic, just as the life of plants pulled out of the ground and thrown on barren sand is impossible.” The fact that this condition adversely affects not only a person separately, but society as a whole, was known by the great philosophers of the past and the present. Institutes have been doing years of research and finding out how loneliness affects people, and come to the same conclusion. There is nothing positive in this, only negative and bad consequences. But let's first figure it out, this is really the very situation when it makes sense to worry, or yet it has not yet reached loneliness. Maybe your soul is a little tired of the bustle and decided to retire? Let's look at this carefully so as not to confuse the two different states.

Pitfalls of loneliness

No one considers the condition of a lonely person to be a disease, but at the same time, psychologists say that this is still an ailment leading to dangerous consequences. It is important to try to heal from psychological illness and work on yourself.

Doctors talk about how dangerous loneliness is. Lack of communication with the outside world leads to:

depression;
stress;
decrease in the production of vital hormones.

As it turned out, lonely people are more likely to suffer from cardiovascular diseases - strokes, ischemia, heart attacks, angina pectoris, tachycardia, high blood pressure, disruption of the central nervous system, endocrine systems. They are also more likely to experience dementia. senile dementia, inflammatory and autoimmune processes in bone structure, deterioration of vision, memory. It is in people who are forced to spend time only alone with themselves that doctors detect arthritis, arthrosis, osteoporosis, etc. And single ladies eventually stop monitoring their appearance and completely give up, living out their years in complete despair.

What is seclusion

Someone will answer this question quickly and simply - rest. No, firstly, rest does not always give such positive results like privacy. Secondly, you can “solit yourself” in such a way that in the morning a person will repeatedly regret such a refusal to communicate with loved ones. The thing is that most of us do not know how to properly manage our free time and enjoy spending time in your own company. Decided to relax in solitude - disconnect from external stimuli, completely stop any contact for this time and communicate only with yourself, your soul, nature, and even with thoughts about a higher destiny.

Some mistakenly believe that solitude is meant only for suffering alone. Why subject your psyche to such severe tests. And why are we in without fail should "suffer"? Where do we get it from? Maybe we are used to the fact that our ancestors were repeatedly subjected to difficult ups and downs and we store their grievances in our genes? Didn't work out personal life- Is it worth it to aggravate your psychological state retire for tears and experiences?

In such cases, on the contrary - you need to go to friends, enjoy life, knock out a "wedge with a wedge", make new acquaintances, etc. And you need to stay alone with yourself only for positive moments. It can be both rest, relaxation, and the desire to think about new perspectives, make plans. It does not hurt to read an interesting book, watch a movie that is pleasant for the soul, or maybe you want to write your own story, start an interesting novel, script or paint a picture. In short, you can, if you wish, get carried away with a new hobby or continue an old hobby.

Anyway, do what you want - this is your hour for relaxation and pleasure. But please, as little as possible tears and suffering, self-flagellation, they can lead to self-destruction of a person.

What is the difference between loneliness and loneliness

When someone hears that loneliness is bad, he immediately tries to object. It turns out that many people like to be alone with their thoughts, take a break from the hustle and bustle, and just close their eyes and not see anyone. There is a simple misunderstanding. Here we are talking about the privacy of a person. Is there a difference? - the question will sound again. Yes, there is, and here's what.

Find yourself in solitude and take a breather, gather your “thoughts”, listen to pleasant music, and maybe cry, thus splashing out the accumulated problems, negativity, stress. And such “respite” is very useful for the human psyche, which means that the body will calm down, gain new strength and be ready for new ups and downs, physical, mental and psychological stress.

Most psychotherapists strongly recommend that individuals with increased mental, physical and mental stress take at least 1-2 days off a month and devote the day only to themselves. Both complete solitude and walks in the forest, by the sea, by the river are suitable.

Psychologists offer to immediately understand what the two mean different concepts. Loneliness is a condition in which a person suffers, experiences psychological, moral pain, despair. And the worst thing is that no tears and self-flagellation remain without consequences. Everything goes to the fact that the sufferer's psyche is destroyed, psychosomatic states arise: depression, mental disorders, irritability, etc. Moreover, dooming ourselves to loneliness, we lose energy, natural forces, optimism. In general, there is a dead end ahead, everything is bad and the fog of suffering will never dissipate.

The state of solitude is a need for each of us, which by no means means a lonely state. In this position, none of us will ever be alone, but will unite with our thoughts, soul. Nature has endowed each of us with talent, mental and mental properties. And when we are alone, then there is a union of all the listed functions, which enriches and develops spiritual, physical and other needs. It is after such moments that we see people fresher, healthier, full of strength, cheerfulness, energy and optimism.

What causes loneliness

Some scientists believe that this condition began to be observed in modern humanity. Of course, one can and should argue with this statement. But still there is some truth, because modern society has created a lot of conditions for the development of an increase in the number of single people. This is evidenced by the data of psychiatrists, psychologists.

Doctors voice disappointing statistics - the volume of consumption of psychotropic, sedative, antidepressant and other drugs of this kind is growing exponentially. Also depressing are the numbers of suicides or suicide attempts. And in old times, people united in communities, clans, together followed certain traditions, customs and rituals. And there is a rational grain in this. How can a man single-handedly knock down a mammoth and kill a dinosaur for dinner? Hardly! Therefore, it was necessary to organize communities.

Also in the old days people were rallied common problems, a common enemy. Of course, no one is saying that we lack military action and common grief. God forbid, let it not be. But let's remember the recent past - Soviet times. Collective farms, state farms, general meetings, fees. And how quickly people built houses.

Many of the elderly who are still alive remember that in order to help completely stranger, the whole street gathered and built for him new house. Then the same newcomer took part in the construction for another neighbor. This is toloka. After high-quality and hard work, everyone sat at the same table, sang songs, danced, and drank a little. But the man was not alone, in any case, there were no conditions for this.

According to numerous public enterprises, about 80% of the population of developed countries suffers from loneliness. And what is remarkable, there are more lonely people in large metropolitan areas than in villages and villages. What is going on, what is causing this situation. Doctors identify several good reasons:

Upbringing

A child who was brought up in a dysfunctional family from an early age will not be able to feel like a full-fledged member of the community. This means that his parents and other relatives did not show themselves well as holistic, merciful, sociable and open people. There were no pleasant and positive relationships between adults and children.

Thus, their offspring got used to the same way of living - alone, unable to maintain contacts and not capable of friendship, harmonious relations.

If you want progress, get loneliness

Civilization does not stand still, and every day there are new technologies. Thanks to them, we not only easily click channels on the remote control, we cook food in minutes, clean, and reach heights in our careers. They help you communicate from a distance. For this reason, we have stopped visiting our relatives and friends, we do not have time for healthy and normal communication. The maximum we can do is ring and say a few words. And even then, we don’t even have time for calls. Not because we're busy, but we don't want to. We have enough other things to do that clog our schedule. And in one certain moment we are left alone. Friends are forgotten, relatives no longer want to disturb us, bother us, annoy us, etc. And that feeling arises, which is called loneliness.

His constant companions are fear, anxiety. It is understandable, in our blood they began to be afraid of being alone even in time immemorial, since people died alone. And now there is no place for fears. After all, no one will attack if you take care of protection, no one will die of suffocation if you get medicines in time, etc. But why is the epidemic absorbing more and more people, and, despite the rich environment, many friends, the person is still alone. He is protected from everyone, and even at the time of stormy parties, gatherings, in his soul he remains alone and feels his uselessness, suffers.

The World Wide Web

The Internet is another brainchild of civilization, "thanks" to which communication takes place not tactilely, that is, close, but at a distance. But in a banal conversation, we do not only pronounce words. We feel each other, we influence emotions on the smallest details, up to the breath of the interlocutor. But sitting at the monitor, we still feel comfortable and illusoryly confident in our full protection. But as soon as the situation gets out of control, the individual is lost and unable to overcome even the slightest risks.

All the scenery of the fictional world is destroyed, the masks of images are thrown off and you have to rebuild your own world. Anything can be the cause of destruction, ranging from banal laziness to sudden grief, loss.

Wrong company

Now let's move on to learning external factors affecting the sociability of a person and his life situation. For example, if an excellent writer was born in a rural outback, and he is surrounded by drinking and illiterate neighbors, then he will inevitably find himself in a lonely position. And the company of tractor drivers, milkmaids, that is, persons who did not particularly strive to replenish their knowledge, broaden their horizons, is not able to satisfy the normal demand of a creatively developed individual. He will feel discomfort and suffer.

Misunderstanding of others

It is for this reason that most people have not been able to express themselves fully. If a child grows up in a family where high impulses, desires and aspirations are not welcomed, but only everyday life exists, he can get bogged down in it. The refusal of relatives to accept his goals and support him at least in words breaks and kills in his soul everything that he dreamed about.

For this reason, child psychologists strongly recommend listening to and agreeing with all the aspirations of the child, whoever he would like to become. Talk to him, give advice, listen to his "trills" about his flights to other planets, "amazing" discoveries, the fame of a popular singer. Thus, you give him an incentive for development and he does not feel lonely in his desires.

Personal causes of loneliness

common cause complete failure from communication with others is the person himself. Psychologists are looking for a problem in personal characteristics, with which they try to fight in all ways.

Closeness is a consequence of fear of society. A person is afraid to open up, to trust anyone, to let him into his soul. All this suggests that fear is inherent and there are only negative ideas: “The world is a danger”, “Everyone around is trying to offend you”, etc.

Such behavior is vicious circle. The more you are afraid, the more you are protected from communication with the outside world, and a feeling of fear, danger, etc. grows in your soul. To get out of it, you need to start working on yourself. Start going out gradually, or even better, invite one of your friends to your place. This will help you gain self-confidence and get out of your own “hole” of fears and distrust.

Loss of all meaning

This problem is deeply rooted in human spirituality. One of the greats said that having lost Himself, a person will not be able to find Others. In this sense, work on the “braces”, that is, on oneself and the internal “filling”, will help. If a void arises, it must be filled with positivity, faith, mercy.

Selfishness and conflict

No matter how active or active a person is, if he is selfish by nature, arrogant, thinks only about his own benefit, then he is simply doomed to loneliness. For a long time to endure his unbearable character, few people can, even if he is very loved. In such cases, everything depends on the egoist. Yes, reshaping your character is not so easy, but you need to try. Moreover, over the years, the temper only gets worse, so take up self-education now.

Low self-esteem

It is not known whether your attitude towards yourself is based on reality or you simply invented complexes for yourself, but in any case, by fencing off the whole world, you spoil your life only for yourself. There is no need to give up the blessings of life, including communication with good, smart and dear people. Stop thinking about your shortcomings, believe me, each of us has them. As you develop communications, develop the abilities that are subject to your ability. Write down a list of “cons” on a piece of paper and work on them constantly.

Waiting for the perfect relationship

Before meeting someone, we present our partner as an ideal person, without problems and shortcomings. But these do not exist in the world. Having set ourselves up for the ideal, when we meet, our expectations are completely destroyed. Even worse, running into a person who is ready to pretend to be anyone, just to drag you into their "nets". To prevent this from happening, put up with the shortcomings in the appearance and character of people and do not forget that you are not perfect either. If it was not possible to establish good contact the first time, use the second, third chance.

Don't wear masks

To attract a person, many try to look “better”, hide the flaws, features of their character. You don’t need to do this, over time the masks will have to be removed, and the deceived person will simply leave and refuse to continue contacts.

Take care of your appearance and behavior

The saying: “meet by clothes, see off by mind” corresponds to the real state of affairs. Some people take its principle too literally and are ready to walk around in a dirty, untidy, sorry for the expression, shabby form. And to be sure that even in this form there will be a merchant for this product is a big mistake. After all, the ugly side says only one thing - banal laziness or mental disorders in which a person does not care about his appearance. No matter how well-mannered and friendly a woman is, a man still loves with his “eyes”. He looks at her appearance, cleanliness and sense of style. We are talking about modern society where there is a cult of style and sophistication.

Take the initiative

Most mistakenly believe that relationships are given to us by fate. And if fortune does not please, then there is no point in “kicking”. A big delusion, at times, does not allow relationships to develop that promise happiness and harmonious coexistence. No need to rely on fate in everything, be proactive and decisive.

To get rid of the pangs of loneliness - go to some self-development courses. Let it be lessons English language, embroidery, computer lessons. Find comrades of interest and make friends with them. If you can’t get out of the shackles of your own complexes - go through a couple of auto-training sessions. If you don't want to pay money, find a video from trusted professionals on the Internet. There are a lot of such visual aids, and absolutely free.

And finally, remember. Loneliness is not a sentence, but a "man-made" condition that can be healed only by one's own strength. Stop delving into your thoughts and soul, drop heavy and negative complexes. Open your eyes wider and look around - the world is huge and if you wish, you can get rid of the unbearable and dreary lonely pastime at the first desire. You cannot even imagine how many people are waiting for you to take initiative, smile and good word. The usual "hello" at the moment can overflow into long-term communication with all the pleasant circumstances that follow from this. Catch your luck and stop walling off!

All for now.
Sincerely, Vyacheslav.

Loneliness in the crowd is a topic close to anyone modern city. It is generally accepted that this is a fairly natural experience that everyone faces in life. However, if we look at the statistics, it turns out that last years loneliness has become a sad reality for millions of people.

As always, Europe was the first to sound the alarm. At the beginning of the year, a new position appeared in the UK government - Minister for Loneliness. According to the British Red Cross, more than nine million people in the UK experience loneliness on a daily basis. This phenomenon has been called a "hidden epidemic".

We decided to figure out what loneliness is modern man how it affects us and whether it can be turned to our advantage.

What is loneliness

Loneliness, unlike other diseases, has no clear symptoms, at least with clinical picture scientists have not yet decided.

When conducting research, loneliness is defined as a perceived discrepancy between the desired and the actual level of social connections.

Julianne Holt-Lunstad, Professor of Psychology and Neurophysiology at Brigham Young University, says.

Someone is quite comfortable on a desert island, while someone suffers from alienation, being in society all the time.

How loneliness affects the body

According to the American neuroscientist John Cacioppo, in terms of negative impact on health, loneliness is comparable to obesity. Lack of attention increases the risk early death by 20%. With the fact that the epidemic of loneliness endangers humanity as a whole, Julianne Holt-Lunstad also agrees:

Prolonged loneliness is as dangerous as chronic illness. It can aggravate various states health and increase the risk of premature death.

Here are just a few examples negative impact loneliness on human body:

1. Increased blood pressure and risk of cardiovascular disease

Loneliness literally breaks our hearts. The level of cortisol - the stress hormone - in the body is constantly rising, and with it, blood pressure which leads to hypertension. The effect is cumulative over time, so chances are you'll fight with a guy all weekend and get screwed heart attack, is small. But when a person feels rejected for a long time, it can provoke heart disease.

2. Reduced immunity

Lonely people are more susceptible not only to the indifference of this world, but also to diseases. Study 83 healthy students found that those who felt socially alienated responded worse to the flu vaccine. As the authors of the study noted:

In people with high level loneliness and small social network had the lowest antibody response.

Scientists believe that stress hormones released during loneliness "communicate" with certain parts white blood cells, affecting their distribution and function. It seems that the body is tired of longing and is heading for self-destruction.

3. Insomnia appears

A 2002 study by the US National Institutes of Health found that lonely people have more difficulty falling asleep, sleep less, and suffer more from "daytime dysfunction" associated with sleep deprivation. No matter how much loneliness directly damages your body, sleep problems will not add health. Sleep-deprived people are more likely to suffer from reduced glucose tolerance, which provokes type 2 diabetes. And in general, without good regular sleep, a person becomes much more vulnerable. Scientists say:

If people are chronically lonely, it is possible that the effects of impaired sleep reduce nighttime recovery processes and the overall resilience of lonely individuals.

How to deal with loneliness

Let's move on to the most important thing - how to prevent the destructive influence of loneliness on your body and life:

Perhaps the main rule: do not try to avoid it. There is no need to be afraid of this state, because in moderate portions it is even useful. One of the main features mature personality(namely, this is what each of us wants to become) is the ability to be alone without feeling discomfort. Use this time for your inner maturation;
Decide to spend some time by yourself each day. Let it be at least 20 minutes a day without social networks or calls to friends and family. Such forced isolation will help you be prepared for possible loneliness;
Try . In my opinion, travel is best time to be alone. Judge for yourself: you do only what you want, without caring about someone else's comfort. At the same time, being alone, you are more receptive and open to new acquaintances, experience and adventure;
Develop talents. Use your alone time to learn a new skill or develop a talent. Learning under the eyes of other people is not comfortable, often this is what stops us from singing or.

Remember smart person It's always fun to spend time with yourself.