False croup causes. False croup in children, symptoms and treatment

If your child begins to behave in a completely unusual way, is often capricious, quarrels with peers and/or adults, moves away from you, and generally becomes “something different,” then this does not mean at all that he does not love you or is in a bad situation. company or insufficiently educated. Perhaps he simply reached a stage in his development called an age crisis. Psychologists identify 6 such crises that consistently arise from birth to adulthood. We will consider the features of each of them in this article.

What's happened age crisis

Development little man- a process extended over time and very unusual. Throughout its entire length, stable periods give way to crisis periods and vice versa. Stable ones are characterized by the gradual accumulation of new skills and abilities, for example, a baby has learned to walk, an older child preschool age can already voluntarily remember the necessary information, etc. During these periods, changes occur, but they are very portioned and it is possible to notice them only when a new formation appears (speech, voluntary memorization, etc.). But during periods of crisis, everything is completely different.

During such periods, the child’s development is very rapid and noticeable to the naked eye. Changes during crisis stages can be compared to a revolution: they are very violent, begin suddenly and also end when certain goals are achieved. They can be very severe for both a child and an adult, or they can occur in a fairly smoothed form. However, normal human development is impossible without these crises, and every baby must go through each of them. 6 crises stand out childhood:

• Newborn crisis
• One year (infancy)
• 3 years ( early childhood)
• 7 years old (childhood)
• 13 years old (teenage)
• 17 years old (youth)

Although the name of each crisis includes a specific age, this does not mean that this stage will occur exactly on the 3rd or 13th birthday. It may begin a little earlier or a little later - six months or even a year before/after the specified age.

Newborn crisis

We can say that the child is already born in crisis. This is due to the fact that it changes intrauterine existence to independent life outside the mother’s body. The baby needs to get used to a new type of breathing and feeding, to unusual conditions, light, sound, etc. An adaptation period begins, which lasts about 1-2 months.

During this period, it is important to surround the baby with maximum care, care, and attention. The first months of life are the most difficult for both the child and his parents. But when the crisis passes, it turns out that the baby is already more adapted to life and begins to establish his first social contacts with his immediate environment, i.e. mom and dad.

Crisis of one year

The crisis of infancy is associated with the fact that the child masters walking and speech. Now he has more space available for exploration; the ability to walk makes it possible to take objects that belong to adults and were previously inaccessible.

At the age of one or two years, a child may show negativism, which becomes a response to various restrictions on the part of adults and their misunderstanding. The child is faced with the fact that “I want” and “need” may often not coincide, and this causes his dissatisfaction. During this period, various affective outbursts and aggression may occur: the child cries and falls to the floor, demanding something, gets offended, may throw toys at the adult, etc. The first desires to do everything on their own appear.

Typical signs of a 1 year crisis: a child gets a tattoo and buys a sports car.

It is very important to show patience, tact and wisdom during the crisis of one year. Shouting, punishing, and indulging in whims will do little good. During affective outbursts, it is best to distract the baby with something (for example, show some animal or bird) or try to negotiate with him. If you forbid something to your child, always explain why it is forbidden. The desire for independence should be encouraged, otherwise the baby will stop showing it, and later will refuse to even fulfill simple steps, explaining this by the fact that he does not know how (to dress, eat on his own, etc.).

Crisis of 3 years

The early childhood crisis is one of the most difficult age-related crises. At this time, the child becomes difficult to educate; it is often very difficult to find common language. The child seeks to oppose himself to adults, to show that he independent person, separate from the mother. The most common manifestations that can be observed are:

• Negativism. The child’s entire behavior is completely contrary to what adults offer him. A child will refuse to do something not because he really doesn’t want to, but because it comes from an adult.
• Self-will. The desire for independence is very pronounced here; you can often hear the phrase “I myself!” from the child. At the same time, he will be very offended and may even show aggression if you do not give him this independence.
• Obstinacy. The child rejects the previously established way of life, all the rules and norms of upbringing established in the family. He refuses to go to bed, go for walks, etc. at normal times, do some usual things, go to kindergarten, etc.
• Stubbornness. If the baby demands something, he will stubbornly insist on his own. Moreover, he does this not because he really wants to, but because he expressed such a desire to an adult.
• Depreciation. During this period, for the first time, the child begins to criticize an adult, whose words, actions, and will were previously accepted unconditionally.
• Despotism. A child of this age may show jealousy, aggression, and often fall into hysterics.
• Protest-riot. Almost all aspects of the little person’s behavior are of a protesting nature, and without any obvious reason.

Also during this period, one can observe fantasizing and fiction aimed at protection from punishment (“the old woman came and ate all the candy”), demonstrative expression of feelings, and a desire for evaluation.

Trying to suppress this crisis will not yield results. To cope with these manifestations, an adult must be very patient and show cunning and ingenuity. For example, knowing that the child will resist sleep, invite him to do whatever he wants, just not lie down and close his eyes. It is also not recommended to confirm the hysteria (give what it was caused for), otherwise it will become in a natural way achieve what you want.

Seven Years Crisis

At this age, the child strives for new social contacts and begins to focus on external assessment, acquires a new one social status– student status. The baby is losing his childish spontaneity and naivety - now it is much more difficult to understand him than just recently. The main manifestations of the crisis are mannerism and pretentiousness of behavior, antics, some strangeness and incomprehensibility of actions, aggressiveness and affective outbursts.

As a rule, all these manifestations disappear when the baby enters school and begins to learn new activities. Significant adults outside the family (teacher, parents’ friends, etc.) can also help cope with them. This is due to the fact that during this assessment period strangers are important and necessary for the child to form self-esteem and self-image.

Crisis of 13 years

The teenage crisis is the second most vivid and is in many ways similar to the crisis of 3 years. It is associated with hormonal changes in the child’s body and with the transition to a new stage of development (transitional between child and adult) and is characterized by the following manifestations:

• Emotional instability. This is largely due to the change hormonal levels and failure of some body systems. Teenagers often have mood swings from elevated to depressed, and they find it difficult to control their feelings and emotions.
• A feeling of adulthood, the desire to appear adult. A teenager does not want to be called or look like a child. By your behavior, manner of dressing, etc. he strives to show that he is already an adult.

This guy definitely managed to look more mature...

• The desire for emancipation. A child of this age actively strives to separate himself from his parents: he shows maximum independence, carefully hides his personal life and experiences, etc.
• Conflicts with parents. The teenager believes that he is not understood and reacts very violently to any manifestations of guardianship and care on the part of his parents, as well as to their criticism, prohibitions, etc. This leads to frequent conflicts between generations.
• Desire to communicate with peers. If previously the child sought to communicate more with adults and was guided by them, now peers and slightly older children become authorities for him. An active interest in people of the opposite sex appears.

Also during this period one can observe excessive interest in one’s own appearance, frequent shifts image and interests, difficulties in communication and deterioration in school performance. A teenager is looking for himself in this world, striving to declare himself as an adult. Parents are encouraged to give their children more freedom, recognize their independence and right to privacy, and treat them as equals.

Crisis of 17 years

As a rule, it occurs on the threshold of a new life, i.e. on the eve of graduation. Crisis manifestations are associated with awareness of one’s responsibility for future choices. At this age, all sorts of fears may arise (of a new life, before entering a university, before the army, etc.), increased anxiety, nervousness.

During the crisis of adolescence, family support is very important. Parents should participate in the child’s life, but give him independence, especially in choosing his future. Working with a boy/girl to gain self-confidence will also provide significant help.

An age crisis is an inevitable phenomenon in the normal development of a child. During these difficult periods for him, parents need to be patient and try to provide their children with maximum help and support. Remember yourself at this age. Surely, you also experienced something similar. Put yourself in the position of a child and cope with crisis manifestations together with him.

Children develop in different cycles, and each age has its own difficult period. All children experience childhood crises - calm and obedient children become capricious and touchy, adults sometimes lose all control over their beloved child. Advice from psychologists will help you get through this difficult time of crisis.

It is believed that a child who has not experienced a true crisis will not fully develop further. Famous psychologist L.S. Vygotsky gave crises great value and considered the alternation of stable and crisis periods as a law of child development.

Crises, unlike stable periods, do not last long - a few months. Under unfavorable circumstances, they can stretch out to a year or even two years. These are brief but turbulent stages during which significant developmental shifts occur and the child's behavior changes dramatically.

The crisis begins and ends imperceptibly, its boundaries are blurred and unclear. For the people around the child, it is associated with a change in behavior, the appearance of “difficulty in education,” as L.S. writes. Vygotsky. The child is out of the control of adults, and those methods of interaction that were previously successful now cease to work. Outbursts of anger, whims, conflicts with loved ones - a typical picture of a crisis, characteristic of many children. All children experience crisis periods differently. The behavior of one becomes difficult to bear, while the other hardly changes, being just as quiet and obedient. And yet, in any case, there are changes. To notice them, you need to compare the child not with a peer who is going through a crisis, but with himself - the way he was before.

Every child during a crisis experiences difficulties in communicating with others. The main changes that occur during a crisis are internal. These changes often disappear over time. During periods of crisis, the contradictions between the increased needs of the child and his disabilities. Another contradiction is the child’s new needs and previously established relationships with adults. These contradictions, leading to a crisis, are often seen as the driving forces of child development.

Level nervous tension can reduce not only understanding and support from the mother, but also sedatives. However, it should be remembered that many sedatives also have hypnotic effect and it is better to give them before bedtime.

Childhood crises are a difficult time in a child’s life. During this period, the child needs your help, understanding and love more than ever. The crisis period lasts several months; treat the child’s problems with understanding and patience. The child will gradually become more balanced and calm.

Crisis of the first year of life

What happened to your sweet honey? Why did he become a capricious despot, stamping his weak feet?

Don't rush to get scared. It's not a matter of character - it's just that the child has a crisis of the first year. A completely natural phenomenon. In the period from nine months to a year and a half, everyone goes through a similar crisis. No wonder: the crisis accompanies the ascent to each new level of independence. That is why the age of three, seven years and the famous transitional age (usually 12-14 years) becomes a crisis. The first year of life too important stage in the life of a little man: he begins to walk and move independently in space. He is interested in everything, he wants to touch everything, try it on his teeth. Soon the baby will begin to understand himself independent personality. And now, with a scandal, he tries to defend his own gastronomic preferences, angrily rejects an apron or a new shirt, putting his parents at a dead end. And if only that!

Psychologists consider the following signs of a crisis in the first year:

- “difficult to educate” - stubbornness, persistence, disobedience, demand for increased attention;

A sharp increase in new forms of behavior, attempts independent actions and a decisive refusal to carry out the necessary procedures;

Increased sensitivity to comments - the response is resentment, dissatisfaction, aggression;

Increased moodiness;

Conflicting behavior: the baby may ask for help and immediately refuse it.
Why are they doing this

The main problem of the first year crisis is that parents often do not have time to adapt to the rapid development of their child. Just yesterday he lay calmly in his crib and was content with the rattles hanging above it, but today he became interested in his mother’s cosmetics, grandma's medicine and dad's screwdriver. And there is trouble on the street - a neat child, who has been taught so much to be neat, gets into a puddle, buries his nose in the sand. At breakfast, the clumsy toddler tries to use a spoon on his own, smears himself in porridge and cries desperately when his mother tries to take control of the feeding. The first reaction of adults is to stop this disgrace. However, whims and bad behavior (tears, screams, scandals), the desire to grab everything and show inappropriate independence are not signs of bad character and spoiled behavior that need to be fought. These are natural manifestations of the growing up stage. In fact, behind each of them there is something very clear, explainable and important for the baby.

Let's try to stop and think about how the child himself is feeling now? Why is he doing THIS? And if the key to understanding a child’s passion for playing with dirt or things from the adult world is easy to find (just remember yourself at that age), then you sometimes have to rack your brains over other children’s riddles. Mom shows one-year-old Petya how to assemble a house from blocks, and she involuntarily gets carried away herself, and then her offspring, with a sly smile, destroys the architectural structure, which makes him very happy. It's a shame for mom. It seems to her that Petya is just being a hooligan. However, the child, firstly, does not yet understand that it is necessary to respect the work of others, and it is too early to demand this from him. Secondly, he destroys his mother’s castle not out of harm, but because it is interesting for him to watch how multi-colored cubes fly apart. Time will pass, and he himself will be happy to build rather than destroy. In the meantime, something else is much more important and pleasant for him: to observe the trajectory of the falling cubes. And the children’s desire to touch and get everything has scientific basis: It turns out that in this way the child not only has fun, but develops sensorimotor activity and search activity.

Buttons instead of pills

All this, of course, does not mean that a child experiencing a crisis in the first year of life should be allowed everything. Certain prohibitions are, of course, necessary, but there should be few of them so that the child can remember and learn the prohibitions, and not that evil adults forbid him everything. It is advisable to formulate the rules briefly and clearly, and without a smile, so that the baby understands: he is not being offered to play the game “fool mom,” but is being told seriously. Another important point: It is advisable to repeat the rules every time the situation specified in them arises. And to avoid being boring, you can make a rhyme out of each rule, for example, “Since we’re going for a walk with you, we need to put on a hat.” “Well, it must be so,” the young brawler will think to himself and... submit.

Most adult prohibitions usually relate to the safety of the child. But you can get creative here too. So, if a little researcher is tempted to do something forbidden, try to immediately switch his attention. For example, you can take away multi-colored tablets from him (and where did he get them?!), and in return offer the same bright, but inedible and large buttons. An adult book with thin pages that a baby can easily tear, replace it with a folding book for kids, where the pages are made of cardboard. “Disgrace” in the bathroom can be reduced to a civilized game with water in a toy basin. Let's say, children one and a half years old and older play fishing with great pleasure. Stores today sell kits for this game, in which swimming fish and a fishing rod are equipped with tiny magnets.

When will it not be good?

Another task: you need not to distract the baby, but, on the contrary, force him to do something, which is why he categorically refuses. Here, first of all, it’s worth thinking: is it necessary to force? If we're talking about about refusing food, then definitely not. Forcing a baby to eat is extremely harmful not only for his psyche, but also for his physical health. The body, especially children's, is much smarter than us. The child intuitively feels what he needs now. Let him prefer chicken today, but tomorrow he agrees to eat only pasta. Not scary. Of course, it would be better if he reached out to fruits and vegetables more often, but, you see, the harm from a temporary pasta diet cannot be compared with spoiled health. What if the child refuses to eat at all? Just remember the old French wisdom: a child will never allow himself to die of hunger. The baby’s preferences should generally be taken into account whenever possible. Does your baby refuse disposable diapers? Well, that means it’s time to wean ourselves off this achievement of civilization (in daytime after nine months this is strongly recommended by doctors). On the contrary, he demands a pacifier, although it seems like it’s time to wean himself off it? Well, give him this pacifier, especially if you don’t want the baby to replace it with some object that is completely unsuitable for constant sucking and chewing.

Of course, all this advice may seem too liberal. It is much easier to put pressure on a child and force him to do (or not do) what we consider necessary. The baby will cry, whine, and then calm down, and everything seems to be fine. But it won't be good. It’s worth asking yourself: what do you want your child to be like? Surely not a sluggish, lacking initiative, incapable of making decisions, a coward. And not a hysterical little rude person who achieves the desired little thing with screaming and tears. But pressure as a method of communicating with a baby - the right way raise a child this way. It is difficult for a baby who is not accustomed to feeling respect for himself to grow up to be a strong and balanced person capable of becoming a friend to his parents. In order to achieve his goal, he would rather use tears, blackmail, and later rudeness than say calmly, with a smile: “You know, Mom, I would like to do it like this. Do you mind?

Switch games

What, other than patience and understanding, can help parents of a one-year-old toddler in a crisis? Of course, a sense of humor, creativity and the ability to play. With these magical qualities, any “unsolvable” problem can be turned into a game situation. Let's say a baby has a cold, and the doctor tells him to soak his feet in a bucket. Try putting toy boats or other floating toys into the bucket. Or this situation: even if the time has come for a child to give up disposable diapers, he still needs them during walks in winter. But the baby refuses to put them on. May come to the rescue teddy bear, who also goes for a walk and therefore puts on a diaper before going out (together with the baby, tie some kind of scarf for the bear, symbolizing diapers). The bear will also help out at the table when the baby has to put on an apron (some children have problems with this toilet item). Is the child pushing away the sweater that his mother is pulling on him? You can play “shop” and invite your child to “buy” one of his sweaters laid out on the sofa. In general, the right to choose (clothes, games, dishes) is very important thing. Any toddler striving for independence will definitely appreciate such trust in his person.

Games of a special kind - those that can be called educational - will also help the baby (and at the same time his parents). Such toys will provide an outlet for the baby’s excessive creative energy and direct it in a completely peaceful direction. For example, every one-year-old individual should have a pyramid, initially a small one of 3-5 rings. Another wonderful toy is a matryoshka doll. They compete with any simple toys (or objects replacing them) that can be folded, disassembled, inserted, removed, in general, modified in every possible way. For example, an old switch, which you can turn on and off as often as you want, can become an excellent toy for an overly active baby who is not allowed near the buttons of household appliances. And a jar or saucepan where you can put things is just a godsend.

Let's talk, mom!

Parents one year old baby It’s not just his disobedience and tendency to whims that confuse him. A year is the age when a child learns to speak. And he already wants to be understood. But the baby communicates with us in his own obscure language. And not meeting understanding and sympathy, he is very bitterly offended. How can this be? There is only one way out - talk more with the baby, stimulating his speech development. First, let's try to master the understanding. For example, when dressing your baby, ask him to “help” you. Where's the shirt? Give me the shirt. Where are our slippers? Please bring me some slippers. Gradually, slowly, the baby will begin to follow his mother’s instructions, and a new level of independence will help him treat the boring procedure of dressing with great patience and interest. Accompanying any actions (yours and the baby’s) with words will certainly help him speak over time. This skill should be encouraged in every possible way, trying to get the baby to actively use words that he is already able to pronounce. You can, for example, not fulfill a child’s request if he expresses it with a gesture and interjections, although he is able to utter a word. While encouraging each of his verbal victories, one must not forget to master new words and syllables, clearly pronouncing them together with the child. It’s worth doing all this simply because if the baby gets used to being understood without words, this can slow down the development of his speech.

One step back and two forward

Now it would be reasonable to ask the question: is the crisis of the first year really so terrible? Of course not. Taking a certain step back during this period, the baby simultaneously takes two steps forward - towards his physical and psychological maturity. Of course, he now needs adult help. It is no coincidence that at this age the child is so sensitive to the assessment of his actions by his parents, so desperately ready to attract his mother’s attention, throwing toys out of the playpen and stomping his feet. Capricious, not too self-confident, striving for independence and not yet afraid of anything, painfully proud and touchy, the baby, going through its first serious crisis, really needs constant parental support. Moreover, his orientation towards the evaluation of an adult - important condition proper development during the one-year period. Try to be patient, do not rush to scold and punish your unlucky seeker of independence. And if you really want to scold him, it is always better to somehow emphasize that the mother’s displeasure was caused by the little one’s specific action, and not by him.

If you can treat a child going through the first difficult time of his life with compassion and respect, crisis phenomena will soon disappear on their own. The crisis will be replaced by a period of stable development, when the manifestations that frightened parents will turn into important gains: a new level of independence, new achievements. To gain a foothold by becoming character traits, negative manifestations can only in one case: if adults communicate with the child from a strong position: “Stop yelling and eat!”, “You can’t, I said!” - and nothing more. By acting together with the child, but not instead of him, you can not only quickly overcome the crisis, but also lay a solid foundation for the harmonious development of the baby and a wonderful, trusting relationship with him.

Crisis of a 3 year old child

Finally, your baby is exactly three. He is already almost independent: he walks, runs and talks... You can trust him with a lot of things himself. Your demands involuntarily increase. He tries to help you in everything.

And suddenly... suddenly... Something happens to your pet. He is changing right before our eyes. And most importantly - for the worse. It’s as if someone replaced the child and instead of a compliant, soft and pliable little man like plasticine, they slipped you a harmful, wayward, stubborn, capricious creature.

Marinochka, please bring me a book,” my mother asks affectionately.
“I won’t,” Marinka answers firmly.
“Give me, granddaughter, I’ll help you,” the grandmother offers, as always.
“No, I myself,” the granddaughter stubbornly objects.
- Let's go for a walk.
- I won't go.
- Go to lunch.
- Don't want.
- Let's listen to a fairy tale.
- I won’t...

And so all day, week, month, and sometimes a year, every minute, every second... As if there was no longer a baby in the house, but some kind of “nerve-wracking” thing. Gives up what he always really liked. He does everything to spite everyone, shows disobedience in everything, even to the detriment of his own interests. And how offended he is when his pranks are stopped... He double-checks any prohibitions. Either he starts to reason, then he stops talking altogether... Suddenly he refuses to use the potty... like a robot, programmed, having not listened to questions and requests, answers everyone: “no”, “I can’t”, “I don’t want”, “I I won't." “When will these surprises finally end?” the parents ask again. “What should we do with him? Uncontrollable, selfish, stubborn... He wants everything himself, but still doesn’t know how.” “Don’t mom and dad understand that I don’t need their help?” - the baby thinks, asserting his “I”. - “Can’t they see how smart I am, how handsome I am! I’m the best!” - a child admires himself during the period of “first love” for himself, experiencing a new dizzying feeling - “I myself!”
He distinguished himself as “I” among the many people around him and contrasted himself with them. He wants to emphasize his difference from them.

- “I myself!”
- “I myself!”
- “I myself”...

And this affirmation of the “I-system” is the basis of personality by the end of early childhood. The leap from realist to dreamer ends with the “age of stubbornness.” By stubbornness you can turn your fantasies into reality and defend them.
At 3 years old, children already expect recognition of independence and independence from their family. The child wants to be asked for his opinion, to be consulted. And he can't wait for that to happen anytime in the future. He just doesn't understand the future tense yet. He needs everything at once, immediately, now. And he tries at any cost to gain independence and assert himself in victory, even if it brings inconvenience due to conflict with loved ones.

Increased needs three year old child They can no longer be satisfied with the previous style of communication with him or the old way of life. And as a sign of protest, defending his “I,” the baby behaves “despite his parents,” experiencing contradictions between “I want” and “I need.”

But we are talking about child development. And every development process, in addition to slow changes, is also characterized by abrupt transitions and crises. The gradual accumulation of changes in the child's personality is replaced by violent changes - after all, it is impossible to reverse development. Imagine a chicken that has not yet hatched from an egg. How safe he is there. And yet, even instinctively, he destroys the shell in order to get out. Otherwise he would simply suffocate under her.

Our care for a child is like a shell. He is warm, comfortable and safe to be under her. At some point he needs her. But our baby grows, changing from the inside, and suddenly the time comes when he realizes that the shell is interfering with growth. Even if growth is painful... and yet the child no longer instinctively, but consciously breaks the “shell” in order to experience the vicissitudes of fate, to know the unknown, to experience the unknown. And the main discovery is the discovery of yourself. He is independent, he can do anything. But... due to his age, the baby cannot do without his mother. And he gets angry with her for this and “takes revenge” with tears, objections, and whims. He cannot hide his crisis, it, like the needles of a hedgehog, sticks out and is all directed only against the adults who are next to him all the time, look after him, prevent all his desires, without noticing and not understanding that he can already do anything. do it yourself. The child is not even going to conflict with other adults, peers, brothers and sisters.

According to psychologists, a child at 3 years old is going through one of the crises, the end of which marks new stage childhood - preschool childhood.

Crises are necessary. They're like driving force development, its peculiar steps, stages of change in the child’s leading activity.

At 3 years old, role-playing becomes the leading activity. The child begins to play and imitate adults.

An unfavorable consequence of crises is increased sensitivity brain to influences environment, vulnerability of the central nervous system due to deviations in restructuring endocrine system and metabolism. In other words, the culminating moment of the crisis is both a progressive, qualitatively new evolutionary leap and a functional imbalance unfavorable for the child’s health.
Functional imbalance is also supported by the rapid growth of the child’s body, its increase internal organs. Adaptive-compensatory capabilities child's body decrease, children are more susceptible to diseases, especially neuropsychiatric ones. While the physiological and biological changes of the crisis do not always attract attention, changes in the behavior and character of the baby are noticeable to everyone.

How parents should behave during a crisis of a 3-year-old child:

Based on who the crisis of a 3-year-old child is directed at, one can judge his affections. As a rule, the mother is at the center of events. And the main responsibility for the correct way out of this crisis rests with her. Remember that the baby suffers from the crisis himself. But the crisis of 3 years is an important stage in mental development child, marking the transition to a new stage of childhood. Therefore, if you see that your pet has changed very dramatically, and not in better side, try to develop the correct line of your behavior, become more flexible in educational activities, expand the rights and responsibilities of the baby and, within reason, give him a taste of independence in order to enjoy it.

Know that the child does not just disagree with you, he tests your character and finds in it weak points in order to influence them when asserting their independence. He checks with you several times a day to see if what you forbid him is really forbidden, or maybe it’s possible. And if there is even the slightest possibility of “it is possible,” then the child does not achieve his goal from you, but from dad, from grandparents. Don't be angry with him for this. Better yet, properly balance rewards and punishments, affection and severity, while not forgetting that the child’s “selfishness” is naive. After all, it was we, and no one else, who taught him that any of his desires is like an order. And suddenly - for some reason something is impossible, something is forbidden, something is denied to him. We have changed the system of requirements, and it is difficult for a child to understand why.

And he tells you “no” in retaliation. Don't be offended by him for this. After all, this is your usual word when you raise him. And he, considering himself independent, imitates you. Therefore, when the baby’s desires far exceed real opportunities, find a way out role-playing game, which from the age of 3 becomes the child’s leading activity.

For example, your child does not want to eat, although he is hungry. Don't beg him. Set the table and place a bear on the chair. Pretend that the bear has come for lunch and is asking the baby, like an adult, to try to see if the soup is too hot and, if possible, to feed him. The child, like a big one, sits down next to the toy and, unnoticed by himself, while playing, eats the entire lunch together with the bear.

At 3 years old, a child’s self-confidence is flattered if you call him personally on the phone, send letters from another city, ask for his advice, or give him some “adult” gifts such as a ballpoint pen for writing.

For normal development It is advisable for a child during a crisis of 3 years, so that the child feels that all the adults in the house know that next to them is not a baby, but an equal comrade and friend.

Svetlana Merchenko

City: Novosibirsk

Practicing psychologist, specialist in the field of parent-child relationships, psychologist of the Stork Day organization of adoptive parents, business coach, mother of many children

Perhaps all modern parents have heard about child development crises. Every now and then someone sighs: “We are in a three-year crisis” or “We are in adolescence.” What does this mean? Age crises are periods in human development during which sudden mental changes. Just yesterday your schoolboy was quite nice and flexible, but today he suddenly began to argue, contradict, get upset over trifles, react in an exaggerated manner to any comments addressed to him, and you understand — here it is, it has begun! Hello adolescence! However, some time passes - a year, two, three, and you notice that the child has returned “to his shores.” But at the same time he became different, more independent, responsible, self-reliant. The crisis has passed, but its results remain. Age crises occur throughout the process of growing up: both in preschool children and adolescents, so it is especially important to know them distinctive features and meaning.

"Stormy" periods

Sigmund Freud, Lev Vygotsky, and other famous scientists wrote about developmental crises. Their works have many similarities (for example, age stages crises) and fundamentally different. But let’s leave the subtleties to the professionals - it’s more important for parents to know the main features of each crisis in order to help their child survive these difficult periods. The table below briefly describes the main age-related crises in children.

Cheat sheet for parents: age-related crises

Crisis of the first year of life

“Should we trust this world?”

The first crisis occurs in children under one year of age. A baby just born is defenseless and helpless. He literally cannot survive without people around to take care of him. But it is important for a child not only to be fed and washed. The baby needs reassurance: they were waiting for him here. He needs to see joy and happiness on the faces of the people who care about him in order to subsequently trust people, himself and the world. With constant care, affection, reliable presence, endless hugs and kisses, mom and dad prove: being born is wonderful!

But if the baby is faced with poor care, indifference, or observes that loved ones are suffering, sad, swearing, or often absent, he does a whole series disappointing conclusions. Conclusion about yourself: “I don’t make them happy, that means I’m bad.” Conclusion about people in general: “people are unreliable, unstable, and should not be trusted.” The child makes all these conclusions unconsciously, but they become his guide to action, because this is his real experience. Therefore, in the future, some people see the glass as half full, while others see it as empty. Some see opportunities, while others see problems. Some find the strength to fight difficulties, while others give up without a fight, because deep down they know that everything is useless, because “I’m bad” and “you can’t trust anyone.” This is the significance of the first age crisis observed in children under one year of age.

Crisis 2–3 years

“Independence or uncertainty?”

Children learn to walk, control their bodies: they get used to using the toilet, eat at a common table and gradually become more and more independent. And this “freedom” attracts them: they need to touch, grab, scatter everything, that is, study. Children become capricious and demanding because they want to understand how to control their parents, how to make sure that they continue to fulfill all their desires. But parents have a different task - to teach their child to manage not the world, but himself. Go to the potty yourself, eat yourself, be able to stop yourself, hear your parents’ “no,” and respond to prohibitions and restrictions. This is a difficult time.

Demanding two-year-old “terrorists” need reasonable restrictions when “not allowed” is always “not allowed”, and an adequate degree of freedom. Parents should be patient and wait while “I myself” washes his hands, sweeps with a broom, and opens the door with the keys. This is how self-confidence is born, the first “I can!” and independence. As a result, the child strives to control himself rather than manipulate his parents. But the search for the “parental button” is typical for all three-year-olds, so it is very important not to go too far with punishments, not to show physical aggression, not to shame the child, not to humiliate him, because so far he knows very little.

The tougher you “drive” rules into him, the more often you blame him for wrongdoing, the more criticism and ridicule he receives for “slobs” and “dirties,” the more insecure and uncontrollable a person may become in the future. Such an adult will be forced to argue with rules and laws, prove his right to respect, and see a threat to his dignity in any sidelong glance or order from his superiors. The roots of despotism, aggressiveness, and total uncertainty also often lie in this period.

Crisis 4–5 years

“What does it mean to be a boy or a girl?”

At the age of four or five years, children learn how the world works and are interested in what place gender relations have in it. Games of “mother-daughter”, knights and supermen, “shop”, “hospital” - all this reflects the child’s desire to find his place in the world, to understand what the knowledge “I’m a girl/I’m a boy” carries? Being a girl means being beautiful like a princess, hardworking like Cinderella or sacrificial like the Little Mermaid? And who is the boy? The one who doesn’t cry, is not afraid of anything, can fight back at everyone, or the one who is smart, kind and patient?

All ours gender stereotypes and expectations are laid during this period and transferred from the relationship of the parent couple. The girl and boy carefully observe the behavior of their parents; they are sensitive to their words and assessments. Such as " a real man will never allow a woman to carry bags” or “a real woman does not need help, she can do everything herself.” The child reads the parents’ relationship with each other, their spoken and unspoken expectations towards each other, and thus his future attitude towards people of his own and the opposite sex is formed. Where is the line that I can never do just because I’m a boy or a girl? Why can't boys paint their nails, because it's beautiful? Why can't a girl jump from a garage, because it works? The more conflicting feelings parents have about their child’s gender, the more difficult it is for him to form his own idea of ​​these norms.

IN modern society These boundaries are increasingly blurred, so it is parents who play a decisive role in what the child will understand by the words “girl/woman” and “boy/man”. The more he hears as a child negative, devaluing phrases that “all women are fools” and “men are gone”, than worse relationship between parents, the more complicated and confusing it becomes personal life in the future. And if there is a pretty example before your eyes happy relationship parents, when everyone is happy with their destiny and role, fulfilled both in the family and in their career, the child does not have painful experiences regarding his gender - he has clear guidelines on how to become happy. To help a child successfully overcome this crisis, parents need nothing less than to be happy.

Crisis 6–11 years

“How to survive and adapt to the world?”

The age of 6–7 years is associated with the beginning of learning in many cultures. A child goes to school, he masters the system of knowledge that previous generations have accumulated. It is important to make training supportive rather than punitive. A child loses interest when he does not see the interest of adults (parents, teachers) in the process itself, when academic grades, templates, standards are more important to them than the lively sparkle in the child’s eyes. When, during the learning process, instead of support, a child hears from an adult insults and threats to “become a janitor,” this not only lowers self-esteem, but also destroys the desire to learn.

It is important for parents to find an area that the child is really interested in and convince him with his behavior: “I believe in you, you can do it, you will succeed!” If it's not math, then maybe football; not football, but dancing; not dancing — so beading. Often parents see “success” solely within school curriculum, but this is wrong. If the child is “not interested in anything” at all, it means that the amount of criticism has already gone off scale and the child has formed a stable idea of ​​himself as an incompetent and worthless person.

It is important for a child to see in his close surroundings adults who are passionate about their work, have hobbies, and enjoy their activities. This becomes a source of inspiration and gives rise to the desire to learn on your own. If he hears grumbling about boring work, observes the eternal wait for Friday and weekends, monotony and routine, then he has no one to take from. positive example. “Why learn something only to suffer the same way later?”

Hard work is cultivated through pleasure, through gaining the feeling of “I can!”, which is stimulated by the support and interest of parents. And the feeling of inferiority is born as a result of parental indifference and excessive criticism. As a result, having become adults, people set themselves completely different levels of ambition: some are interested in “pie in the sky,” while others are content with “bird in hand.”

Crisis 12–18 years

“Who am I without the influence of my parents?”

A child’s whole life is a series different roles: student or friend, older brother or sister, athlete or musician. IN adolescence the main question arises: “Who am I really?” Before this period, children practically do not criticize their parents and significant adults; they accept all our rules, beliefs and values ​​on faith. In adolescence, it is important to understand these ideas, roles, move away from parents and collect all ideas about oneself into one holistic identity. Identity is a feeling of one’s own truth, completeness, and belonging to the world and other people. Searching for your identity, the answer to the question: “Who am I?”  - and this is the main task of this period.

Under the influence different people A child accumulates very contradictory values ​​throughout his life. For example, learning is an important value in the family. And a child’s important value is friendship. And my friends are the ones who don’t see the value of studying. A teenager is faced with a choice: either “give up” on studying with friends, or, having chosen to study, lose the company of friends. Parents have a hard time during this period precisely because the essence of the crisis itself is leaving the influence of parents. Hence, obvious disobedience, disobedience, arguments, “withdrawal,” slamming doors and other variants of teenage rebellion.

It is important for parents to find a balance between asserting demands that they will not refuse and new freedom in ideas and actions that a teenager receives. For example, alcohol intoxication — under no circumstances. This is unacceptable. Dot. But your wardrobe - maybe we don’t like it - but it’s yours, decide for yourself. Just try to dress according to the weather, and beauty and style are your prerogatives. The actions of parents largely determine whether a person can become a self-sufficient, stable person, with his own internal principles, or whether he will be constantly dependent on the opinions of first his parents, then his other half, his boss and other significant people.

The crisis ends when the teenager’s sense of inner confidence ceases to be in constant conflict, argument, dialogue: “What should I do? What to choose? Which is correct? Who to believe?”, when the answers are found and stability appears: “I know myself, I act based on my own, and not on imposed values.”

Everything can be fixed

But what if for some reason the crisis was resolved in a negative way? Is there really nothing you can do to fix it? Of course this is not true. Every person has the opportunity to change throughout their life. And children are very flexible and plastic, they are able to “get” what they once lacked. For example, children who were deprived of parental warmth and love in infancy, or who have experienced emotional rejection or loss of parents, can grow up to be well-adjusted adults if they receive more love and attention in subsequent stages. However, in the process of growing up, an incorrectly experienced crisis will be reflected in the child’s behavior and in his emotional world until it is resolved “with a different conclusion.”

Therefore, it is important for parents to understand two things. First, the consequences of a negative outcome from a childhood crisis affect a person’s quality of life for the rest of his life. Secondly, if some mistakes were made during a crisis, they can be corrected and the child, regardless of his age, can be given the opportunity to experience this conflict in a different way.

It's not easy for modern parents. New knowledge on parenting, advice from psychologists, social pressure, fear of being an unsuccessful parent, fear of raising an unsuccessful child... Not everyone can withstand all this. The famous humanist teacher Janusz Korczak said about this: “Don’t torture yourself if you can’t do something for your child, just remember: not enough has been done for the child if everything possible has not been done.”