How can a beginner find a common language with colleagues at work? Psychologist's advice. New work team: how to find a common language with work colleagues? Psychologist's advice on joining a new work team
In any team, people can work completely different. Some can be friendly, others - angry and envious. And a very important point in the work is the solution of the question of how to find a common language with colleagues. It depends on whether you will be happy to run to work or work will be just a torment for you.
At the very beginning, when you first got a job, of course, there is a feeling of excitement and fear. It is very important to establish relations with colleagues at work from the very beginning, because otherwise, against the background of conflicts, you can be left without work at all.
How to communicate well in a team
Start by observing your co-workers. Evaluate not only the general atmosphere in the team, but also how they communicate with each other, how they dress - in general, take a closer look at everyone. Find out how they dine here - together or each separately. Are smoke breaks allowed here, is it possible to go to the store - all the features of the working day should be known to you. Perhaps the company has a dress code according to which you must dress. It is not necessary at first to amaze everyone with very bright outfits. Better use restraint in style. By observing generally accepted standards, you may well qualify for the support of the team. If you do not know how to find a common language with colleagues, then find out who is the leader in this team and try to take a closer look at this person. Having won the position of the leader, you can easily join the new team, because the leader is listened to, appreciated and respected.
From the very beginning of work in a new place, you should not get too close to colleagues, keep a certain distance. Until you understand who is who in the team, what it is, concentrate your attention on your professional qualities, focus on them. If you do an excellent job with your duties, do everything quickly and correctly, then colleagues will definitely notice this and will respect you.
It is best to participate in corporate events. In a relaxed informal environment, you can learn a lot about your colleagues. But be prepared for the fact that you will be evaluated too. The one who held your position before will certainly be compared with you, it is quite possible that the stereotype of attitude that was applied to that person will pass on to you.
When you have already worked for some time at the company, most of your colleagues will treat you positively, because you work well and do not conflict with colleagues. Now you can find friends of interest in the team. If you work with colleagues at work, then you will stay in a new place for a long time, and you will be happy to go to work.
Getting into a new team, each person at first feels not very confident and comfortable. After all, everyone around is new, unfamiliar, it is not known what their character is, how they will perceive you. And it is very important to know how to find a common language with the team. After all, then it will be interesting to go to work. Fears in the first days of work are understandable. After all, you don’t want to seem like a bore, but you don’t know how to show everyone how beautiful you really are.
In order to please others, you need to follow some rules.
Rules of conduct in a team
First, in order to find a common language with the team, you need to show moderate curiosity about the professional activities of your colleagues. For example, you can ask for some advice regarding work, ask you to help with something. Most often, people like to talk about themselves and share their skills, teach and give instructions.
You need to be able to be helpful, but at the same time not helpful. Do not try to serve everyone around you so that you are not imbued with hostility. Also, be inquisitive without being intrusive. Indeed, in the event that you constantly overwhelm those around you with the same questions and suggestions, you will quickly annoy the team, they will bypass you.
You need to be friendly, but not familiar. Give free rein to all your charm, try to smile more often during a conversation with an interlocutor.
Remember that it is simply impossible to please everyone. Therefore, do not try to adapt to everyone. Be yourself, don't be fake, treat your work responsibly, and very soon the team will notice your positive qualities and appreciate all your skills and efforts.
If you want to be successful at work, then you have no choice but to find a common language with the team. Otherwise, you won't succeed. An employee who does not get along in the team will very soon write a letter of resignation of his own free will.
In order to be treated well in the team, you can try to build relationships with the leader of the team. If you manage to find a common language with a person who enjoys the authority and respect of this team, then very soon everyone around will respect you.
Respect everyone around, each person from the team, appreciate his qualities, then in return you will also receive respect. When communicating with team members, be sure to use such positive qualities as goodwill and friendliness.
prizhitsya-ili.jpg">
Remember the feeling from childhood when you had to change schools and get to know a new class? On the one hand, these are pleasant, exciting emotions, but on the other hand, the uncertainty that you will be able to find friends and become your own.
As an adult, nothing has changed at all. Only now you have to change jobs, but the experiences remain the same. In fact, finding a common language with colleagues is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance. The main thing is to prove yourself correctly from the very first day, and then everything will go on knurled. Read about how to do it right in our material.
Difficult day
So, let's imagine that the first day of your work in a new place has arrived. In this situation, it is important not to get confused and behave correctly, because, whatever one may say, the attention of the entire team and, which is not unimportant, of the authorities, is riveted on you. The most difficult stage of the job search is already over, now it's up to the small thing - to get along with colleagues. In order for you to be accepted correctly, psychologists and experts advise you to follow a number of recommendations:
1. No delays. Even if your new job is comfortable with a free visiting schedule, this rule does not apply to newcomers on the first day of work. You should show up at the office on time, and even better - a little earlier. This will allow you to look around, find out how everything works and take a breath.
2. Appearance. Take the time to look, because most people are still judged by their clothes.
3. The right attitude. Be friendly and in a good mood. Think for yourself, who wants to communicate with an eternally silent colleague? If you have not been introduced by the leader, no one bothers to come up and get to know each other on your own.
Start with your closest colleagues: introduce yourself, tell us what you will do, ask how you will intersect in work, how certain processes are built. We also advise you to be the first to get acquainted with other colleagues with whom you will intersect in the kitchen, in the elevator, etc.
Read more: 8 Effective Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills
4. The desire to understand. If something is not clear, try to ask more questions. This will help you understand your job responsibilities, speed up the process of getting to know each other and show your professional level and responsible approach to work.
5. Calm. Remain confident and calm. Colleagues will begin to perceive you as well. At first, in a new place, you will work for your reputation, and then your reputation will start working for you. This is an axiom.
6. Expectations. On your first day at work, it's important to agree on expectations from you. At the introductory meeting, find out what results are expected of you in the first week, month, and three months.
7. Tone and style. Be very attentive - pay attention to how colleagues communicate with each other, what topics they discuss, how they dress, what kind of relationship they have with their boss. All this will help you adjust to the new team, understand how it "breathes" and what rules it lives by.
Read more: You are fired: what not to do at a new job
The first day at work is over, but it's too early to relax. To join the team, you need to clearly adhere to the tactics of behavior and not overstep the boundaries. Follow these basic rules:
1. Names. Try to quickly learn everyone by name and use them in circulation. With most colleagues in the future, you will switch to "you", but for now it is worth observing the chain of command.
2. Less advice. None of us likes criticism, even benevolent, even to the point. Therefore, despite the fact that you have a lot of work experience and knowledge, try not to give advice to your colleagues. At least for now. But if you are approached for recommendations, show yourself in all its glory.
3. Gossip. Try to stay away from gossip. At first, it is better not to take part in this part of office life, because you do not know who you will have to communicate with in the future. Work first, everything else later.
Read more: Bad advice: how to repeat the "Game of Thrones" in the office
4. Lunch. The world's leading networker, Keith Ferrazzi, called one of his books "Never Eat Alone." This rule should be adopted in the new team. Lunch break is perhaps the best time to build relationships and connections. Look for people with similar interests or professional responsibilities, and very soon you will form a social circle.
5. Great job. And most importantly - diligently complete all your tasks on time. You need to build a credibility with your superiors. If suddenly you don’t have time or for some reason you can’t complete the task, always warn about it in advance and ask for help. So you show how seriously and responsibly you take your work, plus - show that you are a reliable employee.
Read more: How to become an indispensable employee?
If it still doesn't work
Sometimes it happens that, despite all the efforts of a beginner, he never finds his place in the team. Fortunately, this is often the exception rather than the rule. The process of "baiting" new employees even has its own term - "mobbing", which is widely used in foreign publications.
If you are unfortunate enough to find yourself in a situation where colleagues are opposed to you, first of all, try to remain calm and try to figure out what you are doing wrong. Although mobbing, most often, is a consequence of the immaturity of the team itself and improper management, the share of the blame still lies with the newcomer himself. Try to communicate correctly, do not offend anyone's interests and follow all the overt and unspoken rules of the office.
Read more: Difficult Colleagues: How to Improve Relationships
In order for you to know exactly what should and absolutely should not be done in a team, so as not to cause the righteous anger of colleagues, we have compiled a list of the most annoying habits and behaviors that will definitely make others look at you like a wolf. Check if your behavior is something like this:
1. Loud music and phone calls right in the office in the middle of the working day.
2. Rude or defiant behavior, mood swings.
3. Your opinion on all issues and an aggressive reaction to criticism.
4. The inability to keep one's mouth shut and the habit of giving away all secrets and mysteries to all colleagues.
5. Creating the appearance of "violent activity" so that all other employees feel, to put it mildly, out of their element.
6. "Office wars" for an open window or air conditioning.
7. Constant stories about their former jobs.
Hello. The problem is that for about a year now I have not been able to join the team.
I am 28, I am very sociable and sociable, but joining the women's team is a problem for me. I understand that there is a team and there is me, and this does not have the best effect on the results of work, because I constantly analyze the situation, instead of thinking about work.
Everything went wrong from day one. I had to move from one place to another, within a group of companies. The reason for the transition was the imminent closure of the first institution. I was transferred to a similar enterprise, to a similar position, but only I thought so. The team itself decided that I was transferred to the position of an assistant in one department, since before that the girl from this position went on maternity leave. I categorically disagreed and tried my best to be approved for the same position with which I came. The leader had no status in the team and could not help me in any way. She simply made the decision that I would work in both departments.
A little time passed, I managed to be transferred to the full plan in the department I was interested in, but the team did not like it.
I can communicate with individuals, but when they are all together I feel uncomfortable. They all smile into each other's eyes, and behind each other's whispers about each other. I don't even go to public meetings. It seems like everyone is against me. It is easier for me to find a common language with the male part of the team.
Now an employee is leaving the department in which I was originally assigned, and who will be put in his place as clear as day.
I don't want to go to work because I get tired more mentally than physically. I don't know how to proceed. Either look for a new place, run away from the problem and not the fact that I will not encounter a similar one in a new place, or try to solve this issue differently. Try to make friends? It seems to me that this is unrealistic.
Psychologists Answers
Daria, hello.
I don't know how to proceed. Either look for a new place, run away from the problem and not the fact that I will not encounter a similar one in a new place, or try to solve this issue differently. Try to make friends? It seems to me that this is unrealistic.
I would suggest you an alternative.
Hello Daria!
The psychological climate at work has a huge impact on every person. This climate does not depend on you alone. You can make friends with individuals, communicate less with those you don’t like and develop a philosophical attitude to what is happening, but it’s unlikely to radically affect the climate in the team as a whole. Therefore, it does not seem to me that the transition to another job as an escape from problems, in my eyes, is not an escape, but one of the options for a constructive solution to the problem.
Another question is how much your sense of self in a team depends on the team as such, and how much depends on your perception of the situation. You write: "Everyone seems to be against me." It is important to understand this "seems" to understand how justified it is. Some people see hostility even where there is none, if this is about you, then it is worth working with it so as not to transfer the problem from one team to another.
Perhaps a book can help you sort out the situation a little: "On the Same Wave" by Lee Hirschman. Here you can read my little review about her: http://psychostep.ru/nejrobiologiya-otnoshenij/.
If you have questions or need help, please get in touch!
Best regards, Elena Tyuneeva, Clinical Psychologist, Moscow
Good answer 3 bad answer 0Hello Daria! yes, you are right, the problem itself will not disappear. Based on the situation you described, it is difficult for you to maintain a distance when building relationships, keep your boundaries intact, allow yourself not to think out what others seem to say about you. It will become easier for you to build relationships when you learn to see and hear what is, and not think out and waste time thinking about situations, but spend it on more productive work. With men it is easier for you, because the expectations are still different from men. But it’s more difficult for you with women, just as you can’t understand how to be “friends” with them - you need to learn how to build working relationships without mixing personal ones and not burdening them with your subjective idea. All of this can be worked on.
Daria, if you really decide to figure out what is happening - feel free to contact me - I successfully work with similar problems - I will be glad to help you.
Shenderova Elena. Moscow. You can work by phone, skype, watsapp.
Good answer 1 bad answer 0Daria, hello!
The way we are included in social life is greatly influenced by our family, in which we were born, grew up and developed. A family is a small community where we get the first experience of communicating and building communication with each family member individually, and with the whole family as a whole. You write that it is comfortable for you to communicate with the male community, and it is difficult with the female one. Perhaps your relationship with your mother, or grandmother, sister, that is, with women in your family, was also fraught with certain difficulties, but with dad, on the contrary, there was more understanding and acceptance. Or maybe you grew up in an incomplete family. All this, and some features, are of great importance how we perceive ourselves, how we react to other people. I think that your thoughts about changing jobs are premature, especially since you managed to establish your professional activities, which indicates your determination. Yet you have already learned many, got used one way or another. You need to understand yourself, why you are so sensitive to the behavior, opinions and reactions of other people, and especially women. Fears, become more self-confident, and begin to accept yourself.
This will allow you to significantly improve your condition on your own.
If you feel that you can’t cope on your own, contact me, I have a lot of experience working with similar conditions. I do skype consultations.
Good luck and all the best!
Goloshchapov Andrey Viktorovich, psychologist in Moscow
Good answer 6 bad answer 0In each new team, the presence of people who are both friendly and negative is possible. The desire to find a common language with colleagues is an important and difficult task for a newly arrived employee. In order to painlessly join the team and not get into the “sharp language” of intriguers and brawlers, it is better to prepare a little psychologically in advance. The first rule for adapting to a new territory is that it is very important to know what to talk about with colleagues at a new job.
How to find a common language with new employees?
When starting your duties at a new job, there is always an anxious feeling of how much you will be able to join a new team, which has its own established rules. Not everyone immediately manages to be part of a close-knit team without problems, which is not always ready to accept a stranger into its ranks. In order to avoid negative shocks, it is better to tune in in advance to a positive outcome of the acquaintance and be patient and have the necessary information.
It would be useful to take a closer look at the environment
Taking a closer look at who is who would be the most reasonable decision for a beginner. At first, it is better to look around than immediately engage in lively conversations and bold statements. At first glance, it is certainly easier to assess what moods are hovering in the team, what kind of atmosphere. It will not be superfluous to listen to what tones the conversations take place in, what jokes the employees make. It is worth first finding out the rules for eating, whether it is possible to dine in the company or employees have a snack strictly in order.
Not only the manner of behavior, but also the style of clothing can say a lot about a person. Therefore, it is important to be able to dress accordingly, since special efforts to dress up in a new team can lead, to put it mildly, to the disapproval of colleagues. If the company has its own requirements for appearance, then this simplifies the task, the dress code does not allow you to get out of the big picture. Compliance with general rules is usually supported by the team. If it is not possible to find an approach to colleagues, it would be nice to pay attention to the leader among them and try to find contact with this person respected by the team.
Don't be in a hurry to make friends.
From the moment you arrive in a new environment, it is better not to limit yourself to the goal, to merge into the environment. At first, the main task was and is to perform professional functions, and only then to establish friendly contacts. Keeping a distance for some time, you can understand who among those present deserves attention and it is worth “building bridges” with him, and it is better to abstract from someone. Of course, during this time, the observation of colleagues from the outside will bear fruit, and the elders themselves will begin to be interested in the newly arrived employee. And looking at professional abilities, diligence and perseverance, they will awaken respect for a new colleague.
But corporate events should not be ignored. At events of this format, in an informal setting, you can learn a lot about new employees. However, you yourself will have to be subject to close scrutiny by colleagues. Already after some time, having worked in the new organization, part of the staff. Surely they will be able to appreciate the professional and personal qualities of a beginner and accept him as one of their associates. Now it is not difficult to choose friends by interests with whom it will be pleasant to be in the same workspace for many hours.
Basic principles of proper communication in a team
Discomfort, uncertainty at a new workplace, under the critical eye of senior management and employees - all this is already in the past. The first stage of infusion into the new team has already been completed, it remains to find a common wave so that communication with colleagues can easily and impartially proceed.
Turning to someone for help - this tactic will allow you to disarm any "enemy", recognition of high professionalism will be pleasant to everyone who surrounds you at work. Being interested in an activity, asking for advice or help is an easy way to start a conversation first. Do not forget about moderation, for example, to fulfill someone's request is good, but helpfulness causes negativity and disgust.
Addressing a colleague with a smile will show a friendly attitude towards him. Do not be shy about your true attitude and charm, there is a desire to smile, give a smile to an employee. If you want to impress the staff with your culinary skills, you can bring some kind of treat made by yourself, for sure they will appreciate it.
If you decide to stay in a new job for a long time, you will have to get along with the new rules in the new team. Just do not try to please everyone without exception, this is simply impossible. The desire to adjust will be akin to falsehood, and will not give a positive result. It is not necessary to break yourself for the sake of someone, it is better to be able to show yourself as you really are, then the respect of colleagues will be more real than feigned.
Video on the topic of the article.
Life changes are always stressful, even if they are for the better. Changing jobs can also be attributed to a stressful situation. Even if a person has long dreamed of another job and strived to get it, he will still worry before going to his workplace.
First impression
It is important to make a good impression not only at the interview, but also at the first meeting with colleagues. After all, you will have to work not only with the authorities who hired you, but first of all with the team. And it doesn’t matter in what capacity a person comes to work - an ordinary employee or a head of a department. To make a favorable impression on colleagues, you first need to get together and stop worrying. Everyone was once a beginner, which means that nothing terrible happens.
All new co-workers should be treated with courtesy. A friendly smile and an open look are a guarantee that people will perceive a newcomer favorably. Participation in common affairs, problems and tasks will help you quickly adapt to a new environment. A sincere desire to help and be useful also increases the rating and trust on the part of people. At the same time, behavior should be as tactful as possible, without excessive intrusiveness.
There is no need to immediately, using the rights of a newcomer, try to change the way of the team and approaches to work. Also, you can not interfere with the schedule of tasks. At first, it is worth refraining from critical remarks about work, bosses and colleagues. You should observe people more, and spread less about yourself and your plans in a new place. People are so arranged that any newcomer will be perceived not as a partner, but as a competitor.
What can not be done in a new team?
The first impression is not always correct, but is usually retained and remembered for a long time. Therefore, there are things that cannot be done when appearing in a new team:
1. In no case should you speak out loud and in public compare your previous job with your current job. Everything will be different in the new place. Some work moments or interpersonal relationships may seem strange, but you should not immediately oppose public opinion.
2. Inconsistency in actions and unnatural behavior may arouse suspicion on the part of employees. It is not necessary to play a role on the first day in a new place, and the next day to come in a new image. People will simply consider such behavior as hypocrisy, and are unlikely to respect such a colleague.
3. No need to gossip and scold your previous job, former boss and colleagues. You should not do this either on the first day of meeting the team, or in the future. In a new place, you need to be to some extent an "opportunist". There is nothing wrong. Even if some traditions and rules of the team are completely inappropriate, at first they must be politely adhered to.
