Causes of relationship breakdown. Simple techniques to be happy

A lot of articles have been written on the topic of how to build harmonious relationships, what needs to be done to make the union long and strong, how to find your other half, how to make yourself and your partner happy. But there are not so many articles on how to behave in order to end up broke. And, really, why do we need such articles? Probably so that you can think about it and draw the right conclusions.

Psychics and healers are convinced that our health and luck depend on whether we know how to love and whether we were once loved. Many women, having met the one and only, do not get tired of improving their partner, while completely ignoring their own less than ideal qualities. And then these women cannot understand why the man whom they seemed to surround with care and wanted only the best left them?

So, what you need to do in order for a man to leave you:

1. Be jealous of your partner with or without reason, constantly telling him what a womanizer he is, Don Juan, that your relationship means nothing to him, etc. You know this is the most the right way lose a man, because over time he comes to a simple but fair truth - it’s better to be than to be reputed...

2. Constantly tell him to consult with you or one of the employees about work, he is of course a great guy and a professional, but you never know! Never question your man's professional abilities; it hurts just as much as if you doubted his masculine strength.

3. Praise the men you know, setting them up as an example to your husband. Or give compliments to men in the presence of your other half. And should you be surprised later when your partner makes room for a more worthy candidate?

4. Check what’s in your loved one’s pockets and wallet! And also don't forget about mobile phone, because no one knows who calls him and sends SMS, but what if you have had a rival for a long time! Nothing undermines a relationship more than mistrust and encroachment on personal space, so before you dig into his pockets, think about this.

5. Don’t forget to remind your beloved about your former passions during scandals and quarrels! At the same time, reprimanding that he would probably be much better off with one of his former lovers than with you! If you repeat this often, then eventually the man will agree with you.

6. Every day at dinner, find out where and with whom your beloved met and for what reason. At first, your husband will start coming later, for example, when you are already sleeping, in order to avoid such questions, and then he will completely pack his things - and be healthy!

7. Forbid your husband from “small joys”, such as “beer on Fridays with friends”, no friends - you are his best friend! By doing this, you not only deprive him of communication with friends, you make him henpecked!

8. Praise less often - scold more often! Believe me, very soon there will be someone who will caress and appreciate you, unlike you!

9. Speak negatively about his parents and categorically refuse to communicate with them! His mom is hysterical and his dad is spineless, you don’t intend to tolerate their presence in your home! When speaking badly about his parents, remember one thing - parents are not chosen, despite your sympathies, for your husband these are the most dear people!

10. Give your loved one a test of feelings by flirting with men, let your husband keep his finger on the pulse! Don’t be surprised when one day you are caught in infidelity and you will have nothing to cover, because you constantly gave reasons for jealousy!

11. Tell your children what a good-for-nothing dad they have, what his shortcomings are; it is advisable to do this in front of your husband. When he leaves you for another woman, he will give you a compelling reason for such an act - in this family, even his own children do not respect him...

12. Make your husband return home on time; regard any lateness as disrespect for you and throw a huge scandal about it. Soon you will appreciate all the benefits of your behavior - your husband will not want to return to a house that resembles a high-security institution.

13. Spend your holidays apart more often, that’s right - you need to take a break from each other, but who said that your husband will rest in splendid isolation?

14. In the presence of strangers, make comments to your husband, but what’s wrong with that, if he’s guilty, let him be responsible for his actions! Very soon your man will begin to think: is it worth being with a woman who not only sees only the bad in me, but also humiliates me in public?

15. Learn to drive a car better than my husband and when he is driving, constantly comment on his lack of professionalism.

16. Radically change your appearance, preferably to change beyond recognition, and it’s okay that your husband doesn’t like blondes and he liked yours so much long hair. But all your friends approved of yours short haircut and blonde hair color.

17. In fits of rage, call your husband the names of various animals, in the end, he will offer you to throw in your lot with a normal man, and not the goat who is now with you.

18. Invite only your relatives and friends to visit, because they are so wonderful, not like your husband’s. As a result, your beloved will go to the house where his loved ones will become welcome guests.

19. Don’t go to the cinema or theater with your husband, it’s so boring with him, with a girlfriend it’s more interesting, you can discuss the actors, plot, sex scenes. In the end, he will offer you to stay with a friend, since you are having so much fun together.

20. Reproach your husband for not understanding anything about raising children. Well, of course, you have this knowledge in your blood, but where does it come from for him?

I think that many women, after reading what was written, found at least a couple of points that were firmly established in their lives. Try to reconsider your attitude towards the man who is next to you. It’s not for nothing that they say that water wears away stones. It would seem that not very offensive statements and actions eventually destroy even the strongest relationships. Women often do not realize that the man next to them ceases to be a person; their desire to completely and completely take over his life, his thoughts, his goals ultimately deprive men of the most precious thing that each of us has - freedom. Freedom of choice, freedom of thought, freedom of action, etc. You can’t order a man to be near you, you can surround him with love and care and he himself won’t want to drink beer somewhere with friends again. Love does not tolerate humiliation and mistrust. Partnership presupposes equality; if it does not exist, then they are no longer partners.

You can give an endless amount of advice, but it will do nothing if you yourself do not come to understand many things. I had one story from my life, unfortunately, with a sad ending. My friend didn't just marry out of sympathy, she was very strong feelings, passion, romance. In general, I rarely encountered such relationships, and it seemed that nothing could destroy them, people were simply made for each other. But, alas, after a few years the couple broke up and not because of another woman, the husband simply left my friend and began to live with his parents. And it all started with the smallest thing - he didn’t know how to make coffee, sometimes he brewed it weak, sometimes too bitter. At first she made fun of him, saying that you can take it from a man. Then it started to irritate her, like, how many times have I told you how to brew correctly, but you still can’t figure it out! Then comparisons began, Tanya’s husband not only prepares coffee for breakfast and brings it to bed, but how can you ask this? It’s impossible to drink your coffee, and what you make will be scary to eat! There were other points that I wrote about, for example, my husband’s parents were always persona non grata in their home. As a result, the man could not come to terms with the fact that, over the years of married life, he had been suppressed, first of all, as a man - strong, strong-willed, decisive. My friend still considers him guilty of breaking up, she tried for him! By the way, now he has another family and he still doesn’t know how to cook breakfast and coffee, but he doesn’t need it, because his wife does it!

Although trying to break up a couple can be very dangerous, if you think that the person who is in a relationship with someone else is really your soul mate, then you should try. To break up a couple, you will have to go through several stages, the first of which is planting the seed of doubt that will make the breakup inevitable. Such actions are unethical if you do not do them for the benefit of someone important to you.

Steps

Part 1

How to plant the seed of mistrust

1. Don't tell anyone about your plans. Although you think that there is nothing reprehensible in your desire to break up a couple in order to be happy with your loved one, people around you may have a radically opposite opinion. Therefore, to begin with, do not tell anyone what you are planning to do, since, firstly, this information may reach one of the members of the couple, and secondly, it may encourage other people to stand in your way.

   • If you set this goal for yourself, make sure you are absolutely sure that you are doing the right thing. If the breakup is due to an external force (you) rather than due to problems in the relationship, then the couple may have deep-seated feelings for each other that may become even stronger over time.

2. Make sure you really want to be with this person. If you want to share the man or woman of your dreams with his or her other half, then like Iago in Othello (but less cunningly), you must slowly but surely insinuate yourself into the couple's relationship. To do this, you must ensure that the person you like begins to trust and open up to you. Become understanding, responsive and sympathetic, and show that you are a good listener. At first, the person you like may not tell you the details of their relationship, but over time they will open up.

   • Just one word of warning: there's a difference between becoming a confidante and getting friend-zoned with the object of your passion. Make sure you don't act too friendly, as the person you like will start to see you only as a friend and will not have a love interest in you.

3. Allow this person to talk openly about the shortcomings in his or her relationship. The worst tactic you can take is to openly criticize the person's or his partner's relationship, or make him or her feel like he or she is in a doomed relationship. This will make the person you like feel angry, defensive, and make an effort to improve their relationship with their partner. No one likes to admit defeat, especially in a relationship, so you should wait for the person to see and recognize the problem on their own.

   • You can start by allowing the person to talk about their relationship. Ask innocent questions. For example, if you know that a band that a girl likes played at a club the night before and her boyfriend didn't come with her, then you can innocently ask if she liked the show.
   • Or simply ask how her evening was. If the girl you like seems sad, ask how her weekend was and just wait for her to tell you all the details.
   • Ask, “How did this make you feel?” Be sociable when asking general issues, as this will encourage the person to be more talkative and start looking for cracks in his or her relationship.
   • Unfortunately, you may be trying to break up a couple who is in a great relationship, then it will be very difficult for the person you like to find anything negative about their relationship. But if you manage to become the confidant of your object of passion, then we can say that his or her relationship is far from perfect.

4. Play devil's advocate. When a person begins to open up to you about the problems and shortcomings of his or her relationship with his or her partner, the worst thing you can do is agree completely or say something like, “You deserve so much better than this.” This will show the person that you have ulterior motives. Instead, act a little distant or embarrassed, forcing the person to talk more about his or her problems and explain why he or she is truly unhappy and why his or her partner is anything but perfect.

   • If the person has to explain his frustration and you can get him to keep talking, he will see the problems in the relationship more clearly.
   • Just let the person keep talking and sooner or later he will say something negative. If you ask the right questions, then this will help you gain a deeper understanding of the relationship problems of the person you like.
   • You should not criticize his relationship, as this will not play into your hands. If you end up together, no one can blame you for sabotaging your partner's previous relationships.

   Part 2

   Make the breakup inevitable

   1. Become the person who is the perfect match for your crush. Even without completely changing your personality, you can try to become exactly the person your loved one is looking for in a relationship. For example, if a girl complains that her boyfriend never asks about her feelings, then make sure you do. Or, if she wants her boyfriend to share her interests, then learn to rock climb or find a new vegan restaurant to surprise her and show her that you are interested in the same way she is.

      • It's not as manipulative as it sounds. If you want to be with a person out of good intentions, then you should want to be the perfect partner for him, right?
      • You don't have to do anything big. If a girl complains that her boyfriend never does her favors, then bring her lunch or coffee if she's having a hard day at work.
      • Do not overdo it. Your actions to become the perfect person for your crush will automatically place you in the role of boyfriend or girlfriend for the person you like, but don't overstep your boundaries at this point. Don't give flowers or talk about how beautiful she is.

   2. Be close to the person you like. This does not mean that you should follow him around or run after him like a dog. This means that you should spend a little time together at first... and over time, do it constantly. Offer to give him a ride to university, have lunch together, or play tennis until, over time, you become part of his or her daily routine. Make sure you don't become obsessive or overly intrusive.

      • Don't be "too" dependent. The object of your affection must see that you have your own life - other than the one where you are trying to destroy his or her relationship.
      • Being around the person you like often will show him or her what it's like to be in a relationship with you. This should create in him or her good feelings to you.

   3. Find weak spots in the relationship of this couple. Each couple has its own weak points. For example, they are the type of people who have a habit of swearing when they are at large parties with a lot of alcohol. Great - invite them both to your next party. Let's say you like a guy whose girlfriend spends too much money on... alcoholic drinks, then tell him about a new gadget that he simply cannot live without. Or, for example, you like a guy whose girlfriend is obsessed with her appearance. Invite her on a shopping trip.

      • When you realize what problems exist in a given couple's relationship, and there can be a great many of them, you can aggravate them and make things even worse. Turn a small crack into a huge hole until they have no choice but to go their separate ways.
      • If one partner in a couple wants to have a wedding, but the other does not, then find a way to bring up the issue of marriage. Talk about your parents' wedding anniversary, invite the couple to your friends' engagement party, or even send them a catalog wedding rings by mail.

   4. Try to separate the members of the couple. Most quick way making the members of a couple lose interest in each other is to help them have a great time apart. Invite your crush's girlfriend to a girls' night out - or, even better, introduce her to a guy she might like. If you want the couple to spend as much time apart as possible, make sure they enjoy themselves at a distance from each other.

      • Don't be obvious about your intentions. Just offer some activities that naturally will keep them apart.

   5. Ingratiate yourself with the friends of the person you like. If you truly think that your crush is in a terrible relationship and he or she would be better off with you, then chances are good that their friends are of the same opinion. In this case, you should make friends with his or her friends, but try not to be fake, just make them believe that you good man. This will cause your crush's friends to ask him or her, “Why are you still with that loser? Why don't you start dating Peter?"

      • When you go out with your crush's friends, don't give him or her too much attention. Don't let your friends think that you are only hanging out with them because of your love interest, just show them that you are the perfect candidate for a relationship with the person you like.

   6. Don't be intrusive. There is a difference between being a close friend and being close to a person and acting as if you can't live without him or her and want to spend all your time with him or her despite his or her relationship. Don't try to spend time with a person if you know they have a date, a special occasion, or if you know the couple wants to spend time together. Otherwise, the person you like will start to think that you are too intrusive and clingy, and no one likes that in a relationship.

      • You can be intimate with someone even if you don't call or text them every five minutes. Set a trap and wait for him or her to fall into it.

   7. Make the object of your affection jealous. Most effective method making the person you like realize what he or she is missing is jealousy. This doesn't mean you should deliberately use the other person to make you jealous; just start spending more time with a close friend of the opposite sex, or go on a couple of harmless dates and tell your crush about it. You will be surprised how quickly you will appear in a new light and the situation will be resolved in your favor. Sometimes it's good to remind a person that you won't be around forever.

      • This will make the person you like think something like, “Oh no! my great friend they could take me away... oh, wait a second, why do I care? Maybe this means that I have feelings for him/her?”

   8. Act ethically if your crush ends their relationship. If the object of your affection breaks off his relationship not for your sake, then you should not immediately attack the person and ask him to date. Instead, you should continue to be good friend, a sympathetic listener and just a shoulder to cry on, since the object of your sympathy will experience the sad emotions that accompany any breakup, even if it was planned.

      • Tell your crush that you will be there if he or she needs to talk, and that you can't even imagine what he or she is going through.
      • Still, you shouldn’t talk badly about another person. If you call your crush's ex-partner names, he or she may get angry.
      • Think about what can cheer up the object of your sympathy. Give her a funny plush toy or go to a comedy movie. Just don't do anything too romantic.

   Part 3

   Make your new relationship your last

   1. Don't be too pushy. While you may have been waiting for months (or even longer!) for their relationship to fall apart so you can finally be with your crush, that doesn't mean you should immediately move in together, start dating, and introduce the guy or girl of your dreams to your parents. and fifty closest friends. Instead, try to take your time. Even if you decide to start dating, you shouldn't spend every minute of every day together - meet a couple times a week to give him or her time to recover.

      • The most the best option will allow the person to recover and not force him into a new relationship until he is ready. But if you have strong feelings, it's easier said than done.

   2. Try to talk as little as possible about your ex or your crush's ex at first. Although you may have spent hours discussing past relationships, after a breakup you don't. best time remind you of old relationships. You shouldn't pretend that your ex doesn't exist, but you should still avoid talking about him or her until your crush has completely moved on. former relationship. This may take time, perhaps months or even a year.

      • Of course, if a person really wants to talk about a past relationship, then you shouldn't change the subject. But you can say that you think that in order to focus on a new relationship, you need to let go of the past and move on.

   3. Enjoy your relationship here and now. Don't get stuck in the past, and don't worry and try to be perfect for your partner, just be yourself. If you are truly destined to be together, then you will be able to find the path to true happiness. Don't compare yourself to your loved one's past partner, and don't try to be his complete opposite, and don't pretend to be someone else.

      • Of course, you can use some clever tactics to start a relationship, but if you want it to last, then you should only think about the two of you together and nothing else.
      • Even if you previously had a strong friendship, you should still find new ways to spend time together as a couple that will allow you to avoid dwelling on the past.

   4. Don't dwell on the past, or your relationship won't last very long. It might be hard for you. Your crush ended her old relationship for you - who's to say it won't happen again and your loved one won't be able to find someone even better suited for him? Naturally, no one can promise that this will not happen, but in order to not go crazy and build a healthy relationship, you should convince yourself that the previous breakup was predetermined and that you and your partner are truly meant for each other. And it won't happen again.

      • If you are constantly interested in what your crush's ex-partner is doing or are constantly jealous when your loved one spends time with the opposite sex, then you will predetermine the negative outcome of your relationship.
      • If you are truly meant to be with each other for the long haul, then in the long run, you will realize that you need to stop worrying about your exes and relationships. But this will take several months or even years. But if you are together for a long time, then you must forget the past, it will be worth it.
   • It is very important that you do not position yourself as a destroyer of relationships, otherwise they will refuse you and begin to distrust you.
   • If a relationship falls apart, it will fall apart without any help. In the end, you may not need to do anything.
   • If you want to start a relationship with one of them, then give him or her time to move on from the breakup. There is a chance that he or she will understand that the previous relationship failed because of you.
   • If you are friends with the couple you are breaking up, then you may be drawn into a secret relationship.
   • You should communicate with one of the partners in the couple (and never with the other). Make sure you constantly insert yourself into the conversation with them! Don't let them talk in private. Constantly send messages to one of them so that they cannot communicate.

   Warnings

   • It is very difficult to break up a couple who have just started dating and are in the candy-flower courtship phase.
   • Your actions may be considered unethical.
   • When you're in the final stages, make sure no one knows your intentions so you don't get caught when you're so close to achieving your goal.
   • Be careful not to get involved in the quarrels of the couple you are trying to separate.
   • Hopefully you are not so stupid and selfish as to actually try any of the above nonsense.

Relationship breakdown is one of the most common problems and traumas of the present time. For personal freedom and freedom of choice, won after victorian era, when divorce was simply impossible, we pay with the severity of the losses. Trouble seems to creep up gradually, unnoticed, slowly, then explodes and poisons everything around with a poisonous cloud. Each of us is familiar with such stories. This has been experienced either by parents, relatives, friends or ourselves. Some were able to survive and be reborn from the ashes, while others were broken.

Having extensive therapeutic practice and conducting a program to overcome the state of separation, I will present the most common reasons leading to the destruction of relationships. Armed with knowledge, you can be more aware, competent in your relationships, anticipate, recognize in time warning signs, and, as a result, maintain relationships and strengthen them. Or understanding why the relationship didn’t work out will make it a little easier.

Irresponsible choice

It is common for everyone, when going through a breakup, to be caught in an avalanche. negative feelings, suffer and blame yourself or another for the fact that everything is missed and spoiled. However, one of the most good reasons The downfall of relationships is that people were not suitable for each other from the beginning. They did not approach the issue of choosing a partner, this “most important interview in life”, scrupulously enough, or they did not choose at all, everything happened as if “by itself.”

The process of choosing a partner needs to be managed very responsibly, to clearly understand who you are, what qualities you have, what you need and what you can and should invest in the relationship. Having assessed yourself responsibly and fairly, look for a mate, having very clear selection criteria. Don’t expect that your partner will be a wizard/sorceress and, having pulled you out of the swamp, will look at you and spell a princess/prince out of a frog. Wizards have their own plans. They are looking for sorceresses. And becoming a prince/princess is your completely feasible task. (Whoever doubts it, go to the program “Awareness and Changing the Life Scenario”!)

Suitable for each other includes many factors, without denying the biological ones, we will focus on the social and psychological ones. Here are some of them: level, pace and direction of personal development, level of education, general goals, values, attitudes, age, status, income level. In a short period it is extremely difficult to get to know a person well and make an informed choice, so a sufficient period before making a decision serious relationship very important.

Naivety

Not getting to know each other well enough does not mean remaining in holy ignorance; more often it means experiencing unacceptable illusions, being naive, failing to fulfill one of the most important tasks relationships - to recognize and accept a person as he is. The result of real relationships is inevitably the debunking of illusions. More often than not, the reason is seen in the partner rather than in oneself. The process of recognition in this case ends very badly when confronted with the reality that comes out. What you didn’t want to notice initially becomes obvious. This disappointment is much more difficult to overcome in a serious relationship than in the process of getting to know each other. It's safer not to pledge your heart before you've gotten to know your partner well enough.

Pace and direction of development

Personality is a developing system, it is constantly in motion. It is pleasant and useful to develop hand in hand in the same or similar direction, to support, inspire and help each other on this difficult path. Improvement and strengthening of relationships is guaranteed.

It is unfortunate if one of the pair develops faster/slower than the other or in different directions. This inevitably leads to distance and complicates relationships. What suited you before no longer suits you or begins to irritate you because it is outdated. Needs and demands grow or transform, values ​​change, and dissatisfaction grows. It is difficult to control the pace and direction of development, but it is possible by periodically comparing benchmarks.

Dissatisfaction

Dissatisfaction can be a source of irritation, a cause of breakup, or, in a small dose and finding a way out, it can be a driver in the development of relationships. In the case where dissatisfaction accumulates over the years, it was initially a consequence of uncertainty, avoidance of openly presenting one's needs and patience, it can lead to separation.

Satisfied needs make a person happy and content. It is important to remember that the child can count on his parents to meet his needs. An adult is obliged to understand, recognize and satisfy his needs independently. Only a small part of the needs healthy relationships sold to partners.

Child-parent projections

The problem of child-parent projections in partnerships is very relevant. It manifests itself in an unconscious desire to receive unconditional acceptance and love from a partner, to hope that in a couple all his childhood traumas and needs will be taken into account and satisfied. It manifests itself in the form of an excessive demand for attention, an excessive desire to please, to earn favor, or excessive openness, nakedness, presence, dissolution.

It's like they're trying to fill the vast emptiness inside with a partner. Such hopes conflict with the idea partnerships. A husband/wife is not and should not play the role of father/mother for their partner, saving them from childhood traumas and fears of reality. Only awareness of child-parent projections will free you from this conflict. The ability to be responsible for oneself and relationships is an adult characteristic and mandatory conditions strong healthy relationships.

Projection of an ideal partner

Projection ideal partner is a general cultural phenomenon that has engulfed our culture over the past few centuries and has intensified Lately. Mass culture is replete with and infects with the idea of ​​searching for an ideal, only partner, a feeling of falling in love, similar to a religious experience. The deception is that the ideal should be sought not in a partner, but in the depths of one’s own soul. This is a complex, long and scrupulous work of self-knowledge. A real partner can never and should never live up to the ideal. He is alive, therefore, human in all manifestations.

Men are more susceptible to this projection; this period lasts up to 3 years or less, after which the magic dissipates and severe disappointment and resentment sets in, as if it was not oneself who was deceived, but the partner who was deceiving all this time. The best position in this situation would be for the partner to not support the projection, although it can be very pleasant when you are deified, but each time refuse to take it personally. Be yourself, real person, accepting their difficulties and shadow sides.

Inability to manage relationships

In those couples where there are no relationship management mechanisms, even with good initial data, they can reach a dead end and fail. Without control, any process leads to unpredictable results. Management requires clear goals (what do we want to have?), deadlines (when?), and tools (how?). Plan your relationships, set specific goals, define criteria, manage them.

Useful: to sort things out, clarify them, talk about relationships, talk about your feelings without making your partner feel guilty, realize the degree of your satisfaction, talk about it, be able to cooperate - this will save you from a disaster. Maintain relationships in good quality It will help to have a sufficient degree of openness so that you can observe their development and correct them if suddenly something goes wrong.

It is important that both partners participate in this, so that both of you will be in a mature position. Highlight a certain period of our relationship, determine the characteristics of the relationship at the beginning of this period and at the end, note what and how has changed and why. If everything happens by itself, your relationship is in danger. Discuss with your partner what you want from your relationship in the near future and determine ways to achieve this goal, achieve them together and get a feeling of satisfaction from creation. This way you will learn to manage your relationships.

Exchange balance

The quality of relationships can be assessed in two ways: in simple words— exchange balance. This concept is characterized by the amount of attention, love, participation, effort, actions, emotional and behavioral characteristics involved in the exchange between people. We can talk about positive or negative balance and the exchange of good and evil. It’s not difficult to determine this; by listening to yourself, you will understand how much and what you invest in the relationship.

A stable balance causes stability. Getting back as much as you put in is accompanied by a feeling of fairness and satisfaction. The imbalance drains the one who gives more and destroys the relationship. Any imbalances are fraught with a gradual but steady deterioration of relations and a break. A situation where one person controls the relationship and the other does not demonstrates an imbalance. Measuring balance and assessing your relationship can only be done from a conscious position.

Controversies

Contradictions in relationships exist and will always exist as a consequence of differences between people. They create the uniqueness and individuality of each of us. Every person is a cosmos.

Those contradictions that are not overcome turn into difficulties and are accompanied by conflicts, scandals and misunderstandings. Stubbornness, despotism, the desire to insist on one’s own, to the detriment of the partner’s needs, destroy relationships. Once stumbling upon insurmountable contradictions, a couple may become so distant as to break up.

Contradictions require attention and skill to overcome. Behind each of them there is a simple human need. They seem to collide with each other and conflict. Intrapersonal conflicts, of the same nature, are experienced very painfully. Serious condition Each of us felt an internal split.

In a couple, contradictions separate, alienate from each other, cause a desire to insist on one’s own, defend one’s position, suppress, and win. Confrontation or concessions are bad tools for overcoming contradictions. The best way is cooperation. It is necessary to recognize the need behind each position, and the right of each partner to satisfy their needs, then unite together and invent new way solving a problem in which each of the needs is satisfied. This is difficult to understand and implement, but it is possible and necessary for the couple to stay together. The process unites, unites, promotes understanding, develops creativity and cooperation.

Unhealthy Relationship Habits

Unhealthy Relationship Habits – secrecy, deception, aggressiveness, tendency towards emotional or physical violence, psychological games and manipulation - too heavy an unconscious legacy of family traditions, destroy relationships.

Often, moments of openness of one of the partners are accompanied by abuse of his vulnerability by the other. A person pays for intimacy with pain. This is how dissatisfaction, closedness, resentment, and a sense of danger accumulate. These habits require awareness, long and scrupulous work on yourself and relationships. Trust and sincerity are the true benefits that you will receive as a result. You can ensure your safety and prevent your partner from treating you badly.

Monotony

Monotony is another feature due to which relationships can reach a dead end. Using a limited arsenal of strategies in a relationship causes calm and stability, and then boredom. If there are few strategies, they will lead to the same results, or they may become so outdated that they will no longer bring results. good result. We need to look for new and successful interaction strategies. Be open to new knowledge and new actions. Sometimes it's good to do something differently than usual, get the result and evaluate it. Get a good result, reinforce this new strategy and praise yourself. Flexibility promotes variety and is good medicine from stagnation and boredom.

One or more reasons lead the relationship to a dead end and destroy it. The more there are, the more malignant the destruction. A tangle of interconnected reasons that support one another is much more difficult to disassemble and unravel than one. At the same time, the approach of the point of no return leads to the collapse of the relationship. They either exhaust themselves completely or die painfully and painfully. One or both partners, having completely lost hope, move on to the stage of separation. There is a “veto right” of one, both when entering a relationship and when leaving it. It is almost impossible to revive a relationship if one has experienced a feeling of global dissatisfaction and has passed the point of no return. Hope dies forever, but this is far from the end. The relationship moves into the stage of separation. Read about this in the next article.

How wonderful a relationship is at the very beginning: no quarrels, jealousy, wonderful time together and other amenities. It seems like it will last forever.

However, six months/year passes, and you begin to experience the first difficulties. Misunderstandings, frequent quarrels, groundless jealousy - where did this come from, since just recently everything was fine?

Don’t rush into depression, because everyone faces difficulties. If you want to maintain your love with your significant other, you need to learn to overcome them. In this article we will talk about how not to ruin your relationship with the one you love. We will tell you about 6 things that will continuously lead to separation. Be sure to get rid of them!

How not to ruin a relationship: 6 killers of your love

1. Jealousy

Sometimes girls even want to be jealous, because it makes them understand that they are valuable to their other half. However, over time it gets boring, especially if it is groundless. It suppresses, deprives one of freedom, leads to negative thinking and quarrels, therefore, in all its manifestations, it slowly kills love. Do you want to know how not to ruin a relationship? The first thing you need to do is get rid of jealousy!

2. The desire to change your partner

The desire to change your loved one is exactly what destroys relationships. It does not fit into the concept of love at all, because love implies that we like a person for who he originally is. Don't focus on the shortcomings of your significant other, start changing yourself better side. Your partner will definitely appreciate this, which will certainly lead to changes in his character. If you constantly show dissatisfaction, quarrels in relationships on this basis will gradually lead to their end.

3. Lies

As Dr. House said: “Everyone lies.”

However, this genius of cynicism forgot to mention that it is precisely this that destroys relationships. Lie to your loved one morning, noon and night, with or without reason, and then you will certainly break up. If you don’t need unnecessary quarrels in a relationship based on deception, train yourself not to lie even about simple things. Lies in themselves are not dangerous, but they lead to mistrust, and mistrust is the beginning of the end of your love.

4. Criticism of your partner

How not to ruin a relationship? Don't criticize your partner! Of course, criticism can be constructive and very useful, but the main thing is to be able to present it correctly.

Let’s take as an example a banal situation in everyday life: imagine that a wife prepared under-salted borscht for her husband (this doesn’t happen to anyone). He can tell her “I won’t eat this borscht, it’s not salted at all, learn to cook properly.” Where it leads? This is no good: in response, such a person will only receive negativity and, quite possibly, his wife will want to annoy him and will do the same thing next time. However, if you present the problem more delicately: “Your borscht is very tasty as always, but it will be even better if you add a little salt to it,” then this will lead to a completely different reaction, and a scandal will definitely not happen.

5. Cruelty in any of its manifestations

We mean both mental and physical cruelty. If you're thinking about how to solve relationship problems, ask yourself if you're being cruel to your significant other? Maybe you do a lot of things to your loved one out of spite? Or are you deliberately trying to annoy him, often bringing him to tears? Of course, assault is out of the question, because the common expression “hitting means loving” in relationships doesn’t really work. Learn to control your anger even when all the circumstances in life are against you. It’s important to be able to not lash out at someone you value and love, and then everything will be fine.

6. Pessimism

Imagine that you presented a gift to your significant other, and her response was a barely noticeable smile and a lack of emotion in her eyes. Would you like it? Probably not. The fact is that when one of the partners is a pessimist, the second begins to think that the problem of the first’s eternal dissatisfaction lies with him. Trying in every possible way to correct the situation, he comes to the conclusion that all his attempts are in vain, and this leads to disappointment and a showdown. If you want to know how not to ruin a relationship, learn to find joy in the little things.

Be grateful to your soulmate just for having her!

How to solve relationship problems

Relationships are hard work, this is your joint business that needs to be created from little things. Any problem is a reason to get closer, and not a threat of separation. Relationships do not need to be protected, because this is not Small child, you need to work on them: control yourself, look for compromises, look at situations from two points of view.

Follow the recommendations and you will succeed. If you truly love your soulmate, you will do everything to... Use the recommendations from this article, start applying them today, and your relationship will strengthen and develop, and not decline under the weight of problems.

The candy-bouquet period is over. You have been dating for a long time and suddenly you begin to realize that the relationship has ceased to bring joy. There are too many problems, mutual claims, accusations. The former lightness has disappeared, the intoxicating aroma of love has evaporated and you no longer feel so good with this person. And the question arises bluntly: to restore the shaky balance or...

Unfortunately, not everything in this world can be fixed. And there are relationships that it’s better not to even try to fix. Psychologists call such relationships destructive. There are 5 simple signs, by which it is easy to diagnose sick relationships. In this article you will get to know them and be able to easily make a diagnosis: treat or quit.

First sign: lie

Think about how your relationship honest and transparent. Watch yourself. How often do you embellish or minimize the truth? Are you making every effort to be what your loved one wants you to be?

The best thing you can do is be yourself! Always be honest and frank with a man. Don't be afraid of being misunderstood. If your partner is not ready to accept you, then perhaps it is for the best.

Second sign: isolation

This is a problem for many couples. Lovers are so absorbed in each other that they forget about the world around them. A woman stops communicating with friends, reading books, and developing. Her world narrows down to the interests and views of a man. The woman is lost, confused, disappears... Do not allow this under any circumstances! Perhaps the problem is with you and you simply do not realize your exclusivity and beauty. Then my master class “” will help you. Work on yourself, become better, love yourself.

But maybe your partner filled out All your space and you just don't have time for yourself. Think about it.

Third sign: constant negativity

One more characteristic feature destructive relationships are undeserved accusations, criticism and insults. If in any situation you find yourself “to blame” for a man’s mistakes, if he regularly shifts his responsibility onto you, this is a situation dangerous. You stop being yourself, you are afraid of a full and vibrant life, so that God forbid he accuses you of something.

Insults, humiliations, inadequate criticism are emotional abuse. Do not make excuses for a man in such situations. Don't allow yourself to be treated this way or leave.

Fourth sign: fear and pressure

Happy family life can only be built on mutual respect and acceptance. If your partner is only looking for an opportunity to change something in you, such a relationship is doomed. No ideal people. If you both understand this, then you will learn to accept the other as he is.

Happy relationships inspire us to be better and encourage us to work on ourselves. If you feel constant pressure, you lose confidence in own strength, then it is better to leave this ship of love, and not wait until you are thrown overboard. And this will inevitably happen. After all, not one to a normal man I'm not interested in a tortured and intimidated woman. Of course, if he is not a tyrant.

Fifth sign: lack of support

If you don’t feel supported by a man, then why are you even in this relationship? Your partner may not share your hobbies. He may not understand your desire to cross stitch. But he will support you even when others stop believing. After all, he loves you and sincerely worries.

Criticism and an indifferent attitude will eventually lead to the fact that you yourself begin to believe in your helplessness and worthlessness. Don't ruin your life, it's better to give up such relationships.

If there are a few signs in your relationship, it may not be all bad. You just need to have an honest conversation with the man. But if there are all five, then things are bad. Either you yourself suffer from victim syndrome, or your man is a complete tyrant. Either way, it's your life. But it was not given to you to make you suffer.

If you feel that you are unhappy, that your wings seem to have been clipped, do not wait for something to appear. magic fairy and will solve your problems. Start yourself. Take the first step - download free book" " and let your to the inner woman open up completely and fill your life with magic!

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