How to tell my parents that I smoke. What should I tell my mom if she realized that I smoke?

I’m almost 19, I’ve been living without my parents in another city for three years, but they provide for me. Dad always smoked, and was very afraid that I would start smoking. He's probably more afraid of drugs. She has nothing against sex life and alcohol, because she believes that I can keep myself in check for a long time. I always don’t smoke for several days before meeting my parents, and I don’t smoke during hometown, but still sooner or later it will be necessary to say. I understand that while I do not earn my own living, it is wrong to smoke at the expense of my parents, but unfortunately, this does not change anything. Even if I don’t do it now, I’ll definitely start smoking in a couple of years, when I don’t need financial help. Something like that.

Say that you got hooked on drugs, found out that you are pregnant from a man who has AIDS and, in addition, problems with alcohol. Then say that you were joking, but in fact you are just smoking. Believe me, they will even be happy

You probably want to tell them about smoking so that they have the opportunity to smoke more often...))). If you are so stupid and worthless that at the age of 16 you began to voluntarily inhale nicotine, then it doesn’t cost you anything to get on your parents’ nerves. In general, the lack of education and uncleanliness of people is surprising; cigarettes not only cause terrible harm, but also have a disgusting smell that gets absorbed into the gums and everything... Eww

My son also started smoking at the age of 16, I found out by the lack of cigarettes in the pack. I calmly told him if you smoke, then smoke, but I don’t advise you. I would love to quit, but I can’t. Of course, he didn’t smoke in front of me, he took a cigarette and went out into the entrance. After 3 months I quit myself. I don’t know what came over him, I think they had a bet with their friends about who could hold out longer. Still doesn't smoke. Recently I asked why you don’t want to smoke. He said absolutely no. I think that if it had been banned, I would still smoke. Now he tells me everything, or at least asks me. I came from seeing off a friend to the army, I didn’t notice anything and didn’t ask, he himself told me mom, I drank a little beer. Of course, I said that there was no point. But at least it’s nice that he trusts me and knows that I will understand everything, even though I don’t approve. But I won’t yell or, much less, hit, I’ll explain everything in words.

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Question for a psychologist:

My relationship with my mother is a little tense, but overall we treat each other normally. I love and appreciate her very much. But she has a character trait that is expressed in total control. I started smoking a couple of months ago. And it was because of her excessive control that I had to hide very well, because she has a negative attitude towards smoking. What does smoking mean to me? Well, no more than a habit. That is, I get absolutely no pleasure from it. And it was today, when I came home, that my mother smelled cigarettes for the first time. She asked me to smell my palms. I realized that I started smoking. She asked me if this is true? To which I answered ambiguously, but nevertheless it became clear to her that I smoke. At first she just sat on the bed, put her hands on her head and asked why am I doing this? After that, she burst into tears, went into the kitchen, sat and cried there for 20 minutes, then went to bed. I am very ashamed and hurt for her. My mother has a very hard time with such shock things. How to establish communication, given that I intend to quit smoking?

Psychologist Alexander Evgenievich Zhuravlev answers the question.

Hello, Vadim!

In principle, everything is both simple and complex.

It seems that you just need to say the right words, reinforcing them with appropriate behavior, and that’s it! But at the same time, we are talking about restoring trust in you on the part of the closest, most worried, most loving and beloved, and therefore the most vulnerable person!

It's very good that you decided to quit smoking! I hope that you will not have any difficulties in this regard.

So, you need to QUIT smoking. This is the basic, fundamental condition for the normalization of relations.

Naturally, you need to simply and calmly inform your mother: “I don’t smoke anymore.” In literally these words.

Please note that a lot of words are absolutely not necessary! It will only hurt. And you don’t need much convincing - you need to hold your mother close and clearly, looking into her eyes, say the phrase that I wrote above.

You can say something of your own, but it is advisable if the sentence begins with the pronoun “I” and consists of 3 - 5 words. And without kindergarten in the format "I won't do it anymore")))))).

Then - only your impeccable behavior and absence of bad habits.

Why was mom so upset, I hope you don’t need to explain?

Take care of yourself and your mother. You will not have another mother, nor another life!

Good luck to you and health to your mother. Write, A. Zhuravlev

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Do you smoke? Are you worried that your parents will be disappointed in you if they find out? Smoking is definitely bad for your health, and this topic difficult to discuss with parents. However, hiding this habit can be almost as hard as admitting it. If you are ready to quit smoking and want to discuss it with your mom or dad, then choose the right time, tune in to the conversation and get support.

Steps

Part 1

Choose a quiet moment. Your parents will respond better if you talk to them at a quiet time, ideally when they are relaxed. Find a time when Mom or Dad is rested and ready to give you their full attention.

• Often evening - best time for discussing bad news than the day. Work is over and your parents will have less worries on their minds.
• Dinner can be a great time to pick yourself up complex issues. You can also try discussing smoking while helping your parents cook or while relaxing while watching TV.
• When one of the parents has problems at work or some other personal difficulties arise, it is better to refrain from serious conversation. Your news may cause a bad reaction, and that's not what you want.

1. Try to keep everything confidential. Choose a secluded place and a quiet moment. It is best to communicate face to face where you will not be disturbed and you can feel free to speak openly and honestly. The same goes for your parents.

   Start a conversation. Casually start a conversation with your parents as usual. Don’t immediately blindside them, calmly chat with them on random topics and gradually prepare them for the news.

   • You can start a conversation with a phrase like this: “How are you doing? What’s new at work today?” And continue: “Dad, have you been so busy at work this week?”
   • A casual conversation will allow you to understand the parents' mood. Are they ready to talk? Or are they stressed? Or perhaps they are distracted by other, pressing issues?

2. Raise the topic carefully right time and in the right place. You're probably worried that your parents will be angry or disappointed in you because of your addiction. Don't let fear stop you. It is better to express your concerns in words during the main conversation.

Part 2

Calm them down. Do deep breath and just say it. But before you go into detail, keep in mind that your parents don't know what you're going to say. Keep calm. Let them know that you are not in immediate danger.

• Make it clear that you don't have serious problems. They will probably be relieved to know that you, for example, have not committed a crime and are not a member of probationary period At school.
• Say something like, “Before you get too worried, just know that I am not in any danger or serious trouble.”
• This reassurance may work to your advantage. For a concerned parent, smoking may be a minor problem.

1. Be direct. Don't beat around the bush. Tell your parents that you smoke and want them to know about it because you are worried about their opinion and your health.

   • You can say, for example: “Dad, I want to tell you that I smoke” or “Mom, excuse me, but I smoke.”
   • If your parents are sensitive to smoking, an apology can soften negative reaction: "I know how you feel about cigarettes, and I'm really sorry this happened. It just happened. I feel like I disappointed you."

2. Be honest. Talk frankly with your parents. Don't lie about when you started smoking or about how many cigarettes you smoke a day if they ask. Give an honest explanation so they can understand the situation.

   • Share details. Explain when and how you started smoking and how many cigarettes you smoke. For example: "Well, it started last spring when I was really stressed out. I bought cigarettes at the corner store - they didn't require ID. But now I'm smoking half a pack a day and it's starting to get out of hand."
   • Speak calmly. Use a concerned tone and look your parents in the eyes. Try not to appear cocky or argue.

3. Listen to what your parents say. Parents can support you. On the other hand, they may show their disappointment, lecture you, get angry, or all three. However, listen to their position, even if you disagree. Be respectful.