Find a point of support in yourself. Psychological Quotes and Sayings

“To be, to exist in this world already means to have a relationship with it. And just as we relate to the world in general, we relate to everything that surrounds us. After all, both parents and people familiar and unfamiliar, and all objects and animals are part of the world. But the matter is not limited to mere existence in given circumstances. Relations with the world is, first of all, comprehension of the rules of the game, which is called life.

Surprisingly, only Martin Heidegger developed this topic in philosophy at the beginning of the 20th century*. He described such rules as "existentials". These are the conditions on which we exist in the world, "givens of our existence." After all, we come to a situation that we do not choose. Gender and era, parents and nationality, social stratum and even, for example, the city in which we live - we do not choose any of this. Therefore, our task is to accept these givens. And even if we plan to move to another city or want to break into another social stratum or even change gender - for starters, we must accept that we now live in this particular city, were born a man or a woman ... Then we can understand that this does not suit us and try to change, but it all starts with acceptance. Heidegger saw the essence of acceptance in ceasing to be afraid of one's circumstances, learning to look at them calmly.

Our relationship with the world is formed in the first seven years of life. The second seven years is devoted to our relationships with other people. In the third, we build relationships with ourselves. First, the child discovers the world and learns to interact with it. The model for such interaction is his relationship with his mother: for an infant, the mother is the world. After a year and a half, other factors also turn on: trust in the world arises not only thanks to parents. In the end, the relationship with him is a personal decision for each of us. We have the freedom to trust the world.

The word "trust" is not accidental here. Remember how a small child learns reality. He then clings to his mother, then, making sure that he is safe, he goes to explore the world. And the distance of these "shuttle expeditions" is increasing every time. The child learns that the ground is solid and you can walk on it, that the neighbor's dog is kind and will not bite, that the swing in the yard is strong and will not break. He learns to trust: mother, nature, people and his strength.

How is fundamental trust experienced? Here's how: I put some of my problems on something or on someone, on some kind of support - and the support survived! Moreover, there is no obligatory love and joy, there is only the experience of relationships with people who accepted me. So, I can be and they let me be!

Our whole life, our relationship with the world is a search and creation of supports on which you can place part of the burden of your life. We find friends, master a profession, create a family. The support can be the structure in which we work, and relationships with colleagues, and our abilities and interests, people and groups of people ... One of the most important supports is our own body. We feel well rooted when we have many supports.

The decision to trust is also related to the realism of our perception. The closer to reality our assessment of this or that support, the less disappointment and more confidence in people and in ourselves. Supports usually fail the one who does not agree to accept reality, who wants to remake it at his own discretion and does not perceive what does not meet his expectations. The world does not fit into schemes and theories at all. (The only reliable statement about him is that he guarantees nothing to any of us.) Only an open attitude of trusting curiosity can save.

By the way, stories about grievances that can be overcome, overcome by forgiveness - these are always stories about support that did not live up to expectations. And one of the practices of forgiveness is precisely to help a person understand: could someone who turned out to be an unreliable support withstand the burden placed on him? Gratitude, on the contrary, is an experience associated with the fact that my support did not let me down. Anything can happen to any of us at any moment - this is one of the main rules of the game. And this is the biggest test of our relations with the world. When all the pillars collapse, will there be anything left? How can I be in the world then? And can I be? Or will I fall into this abyss of horror and despair, because there are no more supports?

In existential analysis there is the concept of "the basis of being." We are talking about an experience rooted, as a rule, in previous experience. The experience that even if all the pillars collapse, something will still remain. This very complex philosophical construction is nevertheless intuitively understandable to anyone who is content with the phrase: "It has never been like that, that it never happened." This is the basis of our being.

I really like the image of the world as a trampoline stretched over an abyss. You can look in horror through the net into the abyss. And you can focus your eyes on the interweaving of this mesh itself, realizing that it has already withstood us more than once. Yes, she threw it up - so that we awkwardly fell on it. But she endured. And will endure again. A person with such a focus of vision, with such an attitude to the world is well arranged in life - regardless of everything else. This ultimate experience of trust is often referred to by people as God. But this is not a question of belief in particular gods. It is a matter of our relations with the world.”

* M. Heidegger "Being and Time" (Academic project, 2013).

If you feel that everything is not going according to your scenario and the whirlwind is flying ... congratulations - this is a period of change! At such moments, all sorts of troubles happen to a person. He is haunted by failures: “frost” appears in relationships, although yesterday everything was fabulous, everything “electrifies” at work, health begins to fail, there is a lack of strength, apathy appears, and you want to sit down and just cry. It seems like the world is collapsing.

All these events are not the end of the world! This is a sign that you got lost and went the wrong way, and now your life is making its own adjustments so that you stop, think and find the strength in yourself to be in harmony with yourself and the world around you. These are the moments when life gives you a chance to fix everything, analyze it, discard everything that pulls you down and does not allow you to develop. Probably you are so "twisted" in your affairs that you forgot about the inner world, about your real desires and dreams, you lived, realizing other people's goals.

Stop

This happened to me as well. For a long time I could not say goodbye to the past, and when I decided to dot everything and take on the unresolved issues that had accumulated over a long period, quit my job, which no longer allowed me to develop, but turned into a routine. I knew exactly what I wanted, namely: to find my favorite job, to break into a journey around the world. And as soon as I made a firm decision - “Yes!”, Doubts, uncertainty and fear appeared inside. And I was seriously injured and broke my leg. I could not walk, lay down, put on weight and gradually lost my taste for life. I couldn't put myself together. I did not want anyone to see me so helpless, and slowly lost touch with the outside world. So I became a hostage to my fears. Something broke in me, and I was not ready for it.

epiphany

And finally, I found the strength to go outside, walk on crutches, I walked slowly and looked around, looked at the passers-by. Two smiling grandfathers with chopsticks were walking towards me. One of them came closer to me and said, “So young and on crutches! How so? I'm an old grandfather! And here she is so young! You must be healthy." I smiled and the grandfathers went on, already talking to each other. “Do you know why she is on crutches? And I'll tell you this! It's just a fulcrum."

And I thought, this is it! I lost my foothold in life when I quit my job, leaving behind a lot of things that pulled strings from me to move on into a new life, but at the same time I was so afraid of change that I literally broke down. The moment of truth has come. It was much easier for me to be a puppet in someone's hands than to take responsibility in my lifetime.

In order not to fall into the abyss of unpleasant coincidences, you need to be able to listen to yourself, stop, not run headlong for happiness, money, success! This is the same fulcrum! This is faith in yourself, no matter what happens in life! This is the hope for a happy future and gratitude for every moment!

I found my foothold - it's me!

“God forbid you live in an era of change” (Chinese wisdom).

Crisis, disturbing news on TV, growing tension in the world... A difficult period when it is easy to lose your balance. Increased stress leads to increased levels of anxiety and aggression, sleep disturbance, psychosomatic illnesses, conflicts with loved ones... How not to lose yourself in this chaos? What is our psychological support and how to develop it?

Change does not always depend on us, whether it be for the better or for the worse. We have no control over many circumstances. At any moment, the usual system of external supports can slip out from under your feet. And then you have to rely only on yourself and on internal supports.

What is internal support.

Support is what gives a feeling of stability, reliability, and therefore security. The basis, the symbolic "terrestrial firmament". Our external support system is, first of all, close people on whom we “rely”, that is, we feel their support. Even when they are not around, we know that they are in our lives, and this makes it easier. But a loved one can voluntarily or unwittingly fail: in difficult times, betray or simply not be able to come to the rescue. This can become a real tragedy if the internal support system is insufficient.

Our internal support is the ability to find support in ourselves. Rely on yourself and your own resources. It is she who allows not to get lost in the most difficult situations, during the stages of change. Remember the toy "Roly-Vstanka"? A properly positioned center of gravity helps the toy align itself no matter what happens. This is a good metaphor for our internal resilience: if external stress is excessive, it can topple us. The most important thing is to even out later, and this can be done at the expense of internal balance.

There are people who primarily rely on external support, that is, on someone else. And someone - hopes, first of all, for themselves.
Of course, for an adult, it’s more correct to rely on yourself. But this becomes a problem if you rely only on yourself. We need a balance: to stand on our own feet, but also to be able, if necessary, to ask for help.

How and when our support is formed.

Our internal support system, self-sufficiency is formed as a reflection of external support. This happens during childhood and adolescence. First there is an external figure on which the child is counting. First of all, these are parents, but also other adult family members, teachers, then friends ... There is a process of symbolic “absorption” of this support system. In her image and likeness, a system of self-support is formed already in adulthood: as a child was taken care of, so he takes care of himself in the future.

What was the external support, such will be the internal one.

Violations.

If the environment was moderately supportive and caring, then in adulthood we can count on ourselves.
Excessive care is infantilizing: such a person will continue to rely only on others.

Lack of care, support in childhood leads to two extremes: either to infantility and helplessness, as in the previous example. Or to incorrect, excessive independence: such a person relies only on himself, but at the same time he does not know how to take care of himself.

Violation of external support in childhood prevents the formation of internal support.

How to develop your support system.

It is important to develop the ability to rely on oneself, to maintain internal stability.

If the external support is unpredictable, then the internal one is always with us. Therefore, an adult must first of all develop self-sufficiency.

We offer several exercises from body-oriented psychotherapy aimed at developing internal support. They will help you, like a roly-poly toy, to align even in stressful situations.

1 "Magnet". During this exercise, walk around the room, preferably barefoot. Imagine that you are literally magnetized to the floor. You have to slowly lift your foot, you roll it on the floor. Then she slams into the floor with force. Feel the stability of the earth, its reliability. Feed on this feeling. Try to feel your legs as much as possible. Run time: about 10 minutes. 2 "Axis". Stand up steadily. Imagine that there is an axis running through your spine, right through the center of your body. It starts at the top, overhead, And then goes into the ground. This is your symbolic inner core. Support that is always with you. Start rotating around this axis, slowly, both clockwise and counter-clockwise, in different directions. Keep the image of the rod on which you lean, around which you rotate. Feel how you calm down. Do the exercise for about 10 minutes. 3 "Vstanka-Vstanka". Stand with your feet about shoulder-width apart, soft and firm, keeping their strength like a panther's paws. Put your hands on the lower abdomen - there is our center of gravity, balance. Imagine it as a kind of ball. Start swinging with your whole body, slowly, while gently increasing the amplitude. Your task is to feel your ball, how it helps your body to remain stable despite the sway. Gives alignment. In difficult situations, you can then return to the image of this ball in the lower abdomen, and it will help you maintain psychological balance. Exercise time: 5-7 minutes. 4 "Imagine your skeleton." This exercise is done lying on your back in a free open position: arms and legs are freely spread. Imagine that you are looking at yourself from the side with magical X-ray vision and see your skeleton inside the body. Consider carefully how stable, unified it is, all its parts are interconnected. This is your support, which is always with you. Now feel it inside your body. If for some reason the image that has arisen is not complete, and you feel your skeleton less in some parts of the body, try to make it complete, feel your whole body. Time: about 10 minutes. 5 "Food". Lie on your back, put your hands on your lower abdomen. Imagine there the center of gravity, the center of balance as a kind of ball. What colour is he? What color do you associate support and balance with? And now imagine how this color spreads from the ball all over the body. Nourishes it, fills it with support and stability. Feel your body relax. The exercise takes about 15 minutes. 6 "Roots". Stand up steadily. Imagine that you are a sprout growing into the ground. From your feet, roots go into the ground, allowing you to be a stable plant, to be nourished by the juices of the earth, to grow upwards. Well imagine the roots coming from each foot. If you do not like the image (the roots, for example, are weak), transform it with the power of active imagination. Try to bring your image to the optimum for yourself. Enjoy the feeling of stability. About 15 minutes. 7 "Snake". You can put rhythmic music in the background. Sit steadily, the best of all - in Turkish (if you are so comfortable). Imagine that your spine is a snake. And the snake dances: wriggles. Move your back to the music, repeating the smooth movements of this “snake”. From top to bottom, include the entire back in the dance. Feel your spine flexible, strong, healthy. Enjoy his dance.

Regular performance of these exercises helps to improve self-regulation, increases adaptability, develops a system of internal support.

If you take a closer look at the activity of people in this world, you will find that most of them, not knowing this, are in constant search for support. But in reality, people almost never find it, because there can be no true inner support in the outside world. Petr Zorin

When we internally focus on objective reality, our happiness begins to depend on the external world. And then the outside world is forced to continue to supply us with supports: material, emotional, financial, physical, related to relationships. If suddenly there is a failure and the supply stops, we are in a deep crisis. Petr Zorin

People who do not have inner support sometimes assume that it can be found in another person. The unexpected behavior of a loved one is then regarded as the collapse of all supports. An attempt to compensate, in this way, for the lack of one's own internal support has never been successful for anyone.

If you are tired of straining, your self-confidence is gone, what you want no longer seems so alluring - all these actions were not connected with internal support.

To reach maturity, a person needs to overcome his desire to receive support from the outside world and find new sources of support in himself.

Maturity or mental health is the ability to move from relying on the environment and from regulating oneself by the environment to relying on oneself and self-regulation. Frederick Perls

The main condition for both self-reliance and self-regulation is a state of balance. The condition for achieving this balance is the awareness of one's needs, the distinction between the main and the secondary.

The ability to rely on yourself sprouts and grows stronger around the time when you acquire the ability to do what you see fit. Do whatever your environment thinks about it. You yourself should have a sense of the importance of what you are doing.

Growing up, or maturity, occurs when a person mobilizes his strength and abilities to overcome depression, anxiety, disappointment, despair and fear arising from the lack of support from others.

A situation in which a person cannot take advantage of the support of others and rely on himself is called a dead end. Maturity lies in the ability to take risks in order to get out of an impasse.

The search for the guilty or the desire to manipulate deprive a person of a foothold. Recognition of one's responsibility opens up a sea of ​​possibilities, freedom and choice.

The fulcrum in oneself gives the realization that the source of happiness, stability, reliability is within us, gives strength to meet different situations calmly, with wisdom and courage.

The support in oneself is love guided by inner wisdom, and it does not depend on the results received from the outside. It is not driven by fear, is not based on titles and ranks, points of view, property, money, a particular person or some external activity. Davidji

The most powerful support in the world is love, the strongest support in life is the inner core. Juliana Wilson

People who have true inner support are self-sufficient. They don't need someone to support them, prove them right, or comfort them. One of the very important features of such people is their inner honesty with themselves. Petr Zorin

Any external change begins within us, with a change in the focus of our perception. As soon as we find ourselves and believe in ourselves, many of our problems that seemed unsolvable will go away. A person who wants to become a channel of universal power must learn to accept himself and rely on himself.

When a person finds a foothold in himself, the mental stereotypes of the environment cease to play a decisive role for him. He does not accept the opinions of other people as an indisputable authority. He does not grovel before customs and traditions. He does not accept the sense of duty imposed on him. Even without feeling the need to go into conflict with people, he will be internally free from their conventions. For this reason, a person who trusts himself is difficult to seduce or intimidate. He does not respond well to pressure or manipulation.

Such a person trusts himself, not his opinions and views - and therefore it will not be difficult for him to change his point of view when the need arises. He values ​​truth more than a specific formulation of truth.

The cultivation of will, courage, justice and honesty in oneself changes the relationship of a person with the outside world and leads to the maturation of the personality. There are also feedbacks, which, when cultivating the above-mentioned four external manifestations of the inner spirit, open the human heart and thereby reveal its spirit.

When a fulcrum is found, a person feels a desire to act, realize his abilities, set goals, go towards them, develop. And when a person thinks and acts, he simply does not have time for the suffering inherent in the state of external support.

The goal of a person relying on himself is the desire for self-realization of his destiny on Earth. He has chosen for himself a path that has no end, in which his aspirations for infinite perfection will be satisfied. The outer world for him, in which all other people live, will simultaneously serve him as a school, in which all the events that take place will serve as lessons for him on his way to infinite perfection, and at the same time, the external reality will be the basis of his physical existence on Earth. Petr Zorin

And only the heart can tell each person whether he really needs to go where he is going, and it may turn out that even if the rest of the population of the Earth needs to go there, he is the only one whose Path should lie in a different direction. And this direction is the direction of harmonization of one's being. Enmerkar

When we rely on ourselves for everything, we believe that we are the divine expression of the universe and that our words, thoughts and deeds reflect the divine. Davidji

A fulcrum is a state in which nothing affects us, and we ourselves are able to return ourselves to a state in which we influence the situation in the right way, harmoniously manifesting ourselves.

Be a lamp to yourself
Be your own support
Stick to your own truth
as the only light. Erich Fromm

Find a point of support in yourself. Growing up and maturity of the individual. Psychological quotes and sayings.

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Supports can be external and internal. An excellent external support becomes, for example, a successful job, a favorite thing - in general, something that gives satisfaction, financial security and confidence in the future.

A close-knit family, a caring environment is also a support. According to numerous studies, people who have a strong connection with relatives, close people, friends, are much happier and healthier than those who do not maintain warm relations with relatives. Understanding and support in the family protect us from life's adversities and help us cope with the blows of fate with less loss.

Religion can also act as a support, which often gives consolation and tells how to behave.

Inner rod

However, external supports are often unreliable: the people around us, our favorite work, cannot always give us what we want. Therefore, a person must have internal supports. And then, in difficult circumstances, he will be able not only to ask for help, but also to support himself on his own.

One such powerful internal pillar is our values. Attitude to fundamental things in life, ideas about morality, our internal obligations to ourselves. A clear and strong system of values ​​helps to survive when things go wrong. It is easier for a person who lives in harmony with himself to follow his inner voice without trying to meet the expectations of others or fit into social boundaries. Therefore, such people experience any failures more easily than those who are dependent on the opinions of others.

Energy source

The ideal option is when you can rely on yourself and on other people. But still more on yourself, because those whom you rely on may not be in the best shape themselves and will not be able to support you.

Self-reliance is your personal magic source that nourishes self-esteem and gives resilience to difficulties. A self-confident person depends little on others - on their goodwill, mood, promises. There is strength in this. It helps not to feel helpless in front of any challenges and at the same time attracts people to you, makes you a leader.

But sometimes there is confusion between the concepts of “leaning on oneself” and “fundamentally refusing the help of others.” Self-reliance suggests that you do not expect someone to take care of you, solve your problems and turn life into pure pleasure and celebration. It implies that you can solve your problems on your own, as well as enjoy life, while remaining in contact with other people, sharing joys with them, turning to them for support if you feel that your own resources are still not enough.

First Reader

Natalya Zemtsova, actress:

“It seems to me that I have not yet found my psychological support in life. But I always wanted my family to be proud of me. Perhaps it makes me get up off the couch. The words "we already love you" do not suit me. I want to become the best, so that my son proudly says: “This is my mother!”.