How to deal with heartache from love. How to deal with heartache after a breakup

It happens when the earth leaves from under the feet from the loss of a loved one: separation, illness, death. A special world has been built with this person. How to live if the world will not be the same? How to ease the heartache, if the relationship dear to the heart is not revived? Maybe be patient and wait?

The bad has already happened. The misfortune happened not in the movies, but in real life. ?

Time cures?

It happens when the earth leaves from under the feet from the loss of a loved one: separation, illness, death. A special world has been built with this person. The heart stores experiences from a joint move to a new apartment, the birth of children or walks in the park. You remember with what expression he rejoices, sad or grumbles. You know how many sugar cubes he likes to add to his tea. And suddenly the usual way is crossed out.

How to live if the world will not be the same? How to appease if the relationship dear to the heart is not revived? Maybe be patient and wait? Training by Yuri Burlan "Systemic Vector Psychology" offers another way - to understand the causes of mental pain and with the help of psychoanalysis.

The word is first aid

Even years after the departure of a loved one, it can be painful to reread the letters addressed to you, in which he shared his innermost experiences. At best, the pain of separation - or betrayal, violence - dulls over the years. But liberation from emotional suffering does not have to wait passively. Just the opposite. For the treatment of pain from a spiritual wound, time is not worth wasting.

First aid for severe mental shock is to speak out.

There is an opinion that when a person has experienced stress, he should be left alone with his feelings and “not reopen the wound.” In fact, to cope with mental pain, you need to immediately start talking with a loved one about what happened. Do not close emotions in yourself, do not hold back tears, do not suppress painful experiences. And do not ignore any painful memory.

If emotional suffering is associated with the fact that a person can no longer be returned, it is advisable to discuss as many happy moments and feelings associated with him as possible. Talk about his achievements and virtues. Such memories will smooth out the bitterness of loss, making room for light sadness.

It is important to speak out as soon as possible after a traumatic event, otherwise negative experiences will be forced into the unconscious. If this happens, it will be more difficult to cope with mental pain later.

It is important to observe safety precautions. Approach with seriousness the choice of a person for a sincere conversation. Make sure that he takes care of your emotions, heartache.

This method can be regarded as first aid, like artificial respiration. When this tool from the psychological "first aid kit" has completed its task, a person needs a resource in order to live on.

How to live on?

People can experience a difficult situation in different ways, and the consequences of loss manifest themselves differently depending on the characteristics of the human psyche.

Emotional suffering

There are people for whom breaking an emotional connection is especially painful. System-vector psychology defines them as representatives.

Emotions are important for people with this type of psyche. In one hour, they can experience the whole gamut of experiences from fear to love. They seek to build emotional ties with people with whom they can exchange hidden feelings or give the warmth of the soul.

The loss of emotional connections makes their soul hurt. Due to unbearable suffering, visual people after an experienced trauma can close, avoid further expression of feelings. This is how they lead themselves into a trap. After all, then they do not fully realize the abilities inherent in nature, which means that they also lose the ability to experience the joy of life to a large extent.

It happens the other way around, when because of emotional pain it is difficult for them to cope with emotions. Hold back your feelings. Sobs roll over, the reality is hardly realized from emotional overexcitation. From such splashes, the hands are shaking, the head is broken. Instead, emptiness and longing come.

Such conditions may be the result of fear. It serves as the starting point of development for all people with a visual vector. Normally, in an adult, the emotion of fear is redirected into empathy, but in situations of severe stress, it happens that the usual response skills are washed away by a wave of a broken dam. Then the root fear of death can be exposed. It is not always realized and can be expressed at the level of psychosomatics, including panic attacks.

Guilt

This state is caused by the peculiarities of the psyche of the anal vector. Friendship and family for such people is sacred. If they are sure that they hurt a loved one, they reproach themselves greatly for it. Self-criticism is fueled by the innate tenacious memory of the anal vector. It firmly fixes the details of the past, even if you don’t want to remember them at all. What if there is no way to fix the past? A person can get stuck in a state of guilt for a long time and not know how to build his life further. The situation will change if you find a way to make amends by caring for those who need it.

Loneliness

Proofreader: Natalya Konovalova

The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»

We know how the head, stomach, injured finger and other organs and parts of our body hurt. Defining the concept of mental pain is much more difficult, because it is not completely clear what the soul is, and how you can feel that it hurts. However, emotional pain can often be much more dangerous than physical pain, which is why it's important to know how to deal with emotional pain.

Let's talk about what causes mental pain, what feelings and emotions a person experiences at the same time, why it is sometimes more difficult to endure these sensations than to endure physical pain. And we will also designate the most important stages of living these feelings and ways that facilitate a person’s mental anguish, helping to cope with them faster and easier.

What is heartache and why does it occur?

The obvious reasons for the birth of unpleasant emotional experiences are partings or the final loss of people close and significant to a person, life failures on a professional or creative path, serious conflicts, defeats.

However, according to statistics, a huge percentage of successful people who perfectly realize themselves in social and family terms also suffer from other mental disorders. What's the matter? Or, as the people say, are they mad with fat?

Disappointment, loss of significance, the meaning of ongoing events can occur at any stage in the life path of each person. Initially, it is the loss of faith in the importance of what is happening, whether it be the Nobel Prize, the birth of a son or ruin, the waste of a multi-million dollar fortune, that creates emptiness and pain in a person’s soul.

The discrepancy between reality and expectations awaits us equally on a happy path, when everything goes very well, and when nothing happens, no matter what we undertake. The achieved goal gives rise to exactly the same question inside a person as the unachieved one - “Is that all? What's next?"

The happiest, most dizzying love, the highest jump, the deepest dive does not please us forever. Why, they rarely please us for more than a few moments. Happiness is replaced by spiritual emptiness and the pain of one's own imperfection. To then be replaced by new aspirations and joys. That is life.

Causes of being stuck in a state of mental pain

The percentage of those suffering from depression (and we are talking about official statistics, that is, only about those who officially seek help) is increasing every year. People are less and less engaged in heavy physical labor (which is an excellent antidote for this disease, by the way - physical fatigue does not allow mental fatigue to set in). We have more and more time for self-reflection, fewer unmet needs.

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Many live in a state of internal unconscious dissatisfaction for years. The human psyche has two main ways to process emotional experiences - splash them out or drive them in, into the subconscious.

Since most of us were not taught to live our experiences correctly, remember from childhood: “Masha, good girls don’t get angry and don’t scream”, “Petya, real men don’t cry”, “Katya, it’s not good, ugly to laugh so loudly” - a huge number of people they simply suppress resentment, anger, pain from separation.

But they don't disappear. These feelings accumulate within you for years if you do not allow them to leave your soul and body. You get stuck in a state of extreme mental pain without even knowing it.

What is the danger of mental pain, especially not conscious

The American physician Elizabeth Kulber-Ross developed a special psychological technique for people suffering from incurable diseases. It is aimed at helping the patient accept what is happening to him as inevitable. This method has spread widely over time and is used today in many psychotherapeutic practices.

These are the five stages of the emotional experience of heartache: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Experts around the world agree that you cannot overcome the pain of losing someone you love until you have consistently fully experienced the full range of emotions in each of these stages.

It takes a lot of time and emotional strength. It is believed that the period of separation or death of a loved one lasts from a year to two years or more, depending on your psychophysiological characteristics.

You must allow yourself to feel anger at the person who left you, then all the pain from his absence next to you, all the fears and feelings associated with him. If you skip any of the stages, in consequence you will subconsciously return to it again and again, plunging into negative experiences.

Do not poison yourself by indulging again and again in pleasant and unpleasant memories of the person who left you. Allow yourself to be sad for as long as you need it, but at the same time try to be distracted and get new positive emotions. Find occasions for small joys every day, learn to focus on positive pleasant things.

Finally

Coping with heartache is an essential life skill, as each person faces both loss and disappointment along the way. Remember the need to feel it completely, and not to suppress and drive it into the depths of your subconscious, from where it will be difficult to get it even for a qualified specialist.

Our life continues until the last breath, and it is a real miracle and a gift, despite all the difficulties and losses that we will get along with it. You can survive everything, and use what happened to you not as a threat to your peace of mind, but as an opportunity that makes you stronger, wiser and more experienced.

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Instruction

The first thing you want to do is forget everything and run away. But the way to "buy a ticket to the sea or a ticket to the village to see your grandmother" is far from the best. It will only give immediate results. And then you still need to return home to the real world. And then pain will only get sharper. Everything in the usual life will remind you of pain - the memory was muffled for a short time. And upon her return, she will again take possession of the heart.

To get rid of pain, you need to name its cause. Speak clearly out loud. Or write. The main thing is to realize. Maybe this will require an interlocutor - it can be a best friend or a psychologist. If pain caused by the loss of a loved one, you need to figure out what hurts in care pain six of all? It could be fear or guilt. If a loved one left, you need to understand what really happened as a result of his departure: confidence in the future is lost or self-esteem is wounded.

Now you can begin to get rid of what reminds you of the cause of the heartache. Temporarily remove or throw out photographs and things of the person who is the source of pain. Or communicate less with him if he is still present. If the source of mental pain is, then do not read articles on professional topics, avoid communicating with colleagues.

When the reason is named and realized, there is nothing that can remind of it, and the emptiness in life is filled with a favorite pastime, you can say: "I am starting a new life in which there is no place for mental pain." And start enjoying every day. Look for a supply for this. It can be a favorite heard on the radio, a conversation with a loved one, a chocolate bar eaten at night, a walk in the rain barefoot and without an umbrella, buying a new dress or tie. There are many reasons for joy. There are many pain more than a reason to be sad! And every new day is a powerful pill against mental pain.

Helpful advice

Do not expect instant results, and do not mistake the first relief for recovery.

With physical pain, everything is simple: there are painkillers, there are also doctors. But what if the soul hurts?

Instruction

There can be many reasons for mental pain. We take offense, engage in self-criticism, worry about relatives and friends, face rudeness and betrayal - and all this body reacts with a sharp, penetrating pain, hotly spreading through all tissues, aching, piercing, from which you want to scream. It seems that it is impossible to appease it, only after a while the pain will dull a little and it will be possible to forget about it for periods.

In fact, you can deal with mental pain. Oddly enough, but the usual painkiller that we take for headaches, for example, can help. If there is no strength to endure, then you can drink an anesthetic tablet and a mild sedative, for example, motherwort or valerian. If possible, wrap yourself in a blanket, drink herbal tea (chamomile, mint, sage, raspberry leaves, strawberry tails - your choice, which is more to your taste) and sleep. Sleep is good medicine.
This is not a panacea, and the pain, of course, will not go away so immediately, with a click, but it will make it possible to soberly assess the situation. Unfortunately or fortunately, we cannot explain the motives of other people's actions. Therefore, there is no need to try. Don't get hung up. Yes, there was an event that we took to heart, wounded, offended by a loved one or our own unworthy act haunts. But the situation has already developed that way. And you have to accept her for who she is. Don't look for reasons or blame.

Accept the pain and let it be, cry if you want, do not hold back the tears. "After despair comes peace," said the great Anna Akhmatova. Try it, it will get easier.
When a void forms, it requires immediate filling - such is the law of physics. An evening with friends, a holiday in honor of a good day, arranged with the children, no matter how trite it sounds - shopping, even without leaving home, will help to distract and enjoy.

Draw, sculpt, bake pies, cook borscht, shoot, go to the forest for a week, in company, with tents, visit a theater or an exhibition - ask yourself what you want right now. Tell about the pain, even if it is a piece of paper - take a pen and write what you feel.

And do not expect that everything will pass soon - spiritual wounds heal for a long time. Just remember that life is wonderful, no matter what happens in it. There is always a way. If, despite all efforts, the pain is still unbearable, you can seek help from a specialist - a good psychologist will give advice that suits a particular person in a particular situation.

head pain may be a symptom of a serious illness or the result of fatigue and stress. You can improve your well-being with the help of pills, herbal preparations and alternative medicine.

Instruction

Determine the nature and cause of the headache. If the problem is overstrain, or fatigue, you can try to heal on your own. If the painful condition is accompanied by nausea and vomiting, persists for three days or more, or was the result of a head injury (including concussion), you should consult a doctor.

Try to relax, lie on your back, create a twilight in the room and open the window, providing fresh air. If possible, try to be quiet for at least a few hours. Massage the temporo-parietal part of the head with light circular movements, gently go through the hair with a massage brush.

If the pain is not severe, try to do without drugs. They have mass, cause and act short-term, albeit quickly. Also do not take (you can rinse your mouth with cognac without swallowing it if you know that the headache has developed against the background of pressure) and do not smoke. If you are hypotonic, drink a cup of coffee, if not - herbal tea with valerian, sage or peppermint.

Use proven methods. Apply a peel of lemon to the right temple and hold until the skin burns slightly. Or attach a gauze bag with rye bread soaked in table vinegar to the sore spot. Drink a glass of warm milk with a quarter teaspoon of soda mixed in it. Ordinary black tea is also a proven remedy for relieving headaches: you need to brew it, stir a teaspoon of sugar in a glass and drink it slowly, then go to bed. If from overvoltage, mint can be added to tea.

Take a bath with aroma oils of lavender, mint, pine, sage, eucalyptus, wormwood, chamomile. Mix four to eight drops of one of these oils with a tablespoon of olive oil or milk and pour into cool bath water. If a bath is not available or contraindicated for you, drop essential oil on a cloth and apply it to your temples for a minute, or simply make a cold compress on your head.

Use the acupressure technique: with a certain skill, they can relieve a headache in a matter of minutes. On the left hand, find the point between the widely separated thumb and forefinger, straight ahead, and for thirty seconds squeeze this place with the help of two fingers of the right hand.

Sources:

• Headaches in 2019

When you experience physical pain, the way out is obvious - you turn to who prescribes the necessary treatment for you, and discomfort retreat. Much more difficult is the case with the pain of the soul. People rarely turn to a psychotherapist in moments of despair, but more and more often they try to drown out their feelings on their own.

Instruction

Most people try to drown out mental anguish with the help of alcohol. It might help if you spend one evening with your best friend drinking wine and discussing your problem. The next morning after intimate conversations, you should feel better. However, if you carry out such “treatment” regularly, another problem will be added to your problem - the problem of alcoholism.

Go in for sports. During classes, endorphins are produced - the hormone of joy, and rhythmic repetitive actions help to distract from experiences. In addition, after regular training, you will improve your figure, which will also cheer you up.

Change the environment. Take a vacation and go to the resort where you have long dreamed of visiting. If you do not have such an opportunity, go for the weekend to another city. Do everything to get new experiences that will drown out the pain and distract you.

Why do people suffer from mental pain? Mental pain is a feeling of longing and suffering that a person experiences for certain reasons. Do not neglect such a disorder, it can be much more dangerous than known physical diseases. In the mentally ill, there may be interruptions in the work of internal organs. This threatens with bodily diseases. Therefore, it is necessary to think as early as possible how to cope with mental pain.

Such a disease is similar to, because it appears in a person as a result of an unpleasant event in life, or because of excitement for another person. Everyone can suffer such pain if their expectations are not met. A person forms some patterns of life in his brain, and if reality does not coincide with them, then emotional suffering appears. Quite often, people suffer heartache by hiding it from their loved ones and friends.

Fighting heartache

The patient can deal with pain in several ways. So, mental pain can move from a person’s consciousness to his subconscious. It exists, but man avoids it. The way out of mental pain is possible when a person demonstrates his emotions and feelings. But this does not mean that he becomes aggressive or irritable. A person seeks salvation from illness in his relatives and friends. For example, if a person quarreled with his soulmate, and he had a mental pain, then you can get rid of it only in communication with this person.

But with subconscious mental pain - everything is more complicated. A person does not recognize a mental disorder, he says that he is doing well. He affirms this not only to others, but also to himself. Such pain is much worse than conscious pain, it is more difficult to cope with it, because it is hidden deep in the subconscious of a person.

The struggle with mental pain of a latent nature is quite difficult, it can be with a person for several years. It negatively affects the character of a person who begins to communicate with people like himself. Also, he may not even meet new people or avoid contact with old acquaintances.

Mental pain does not allow a person to study normally, work or do his favorite thing. At such moments, a person often does not even understand what the matter is. It happens that some events make a person remember an unpleasant life situation that has long caused him an emotional experience. If the patient fails to bring emotions out and get rid of them, then it is necessary to contact a psychologist or a loved one who can listen to everything.

Emotional experiences after a breakup

It's no secret that after parting with a loved one, severe and prolonged emotional distress can occur. In some cases, it is as severe as the stress after the death of a loved one. Parting brings mental pain that can torment a person for months and even years. All this time, the patient will experience stages of denial, resentment and pain.
Emotional experiences after parting begin with a stage of denial. At first, a person simply does not understand or does not want to understand that his relationship with his loved one has come to an end. This happens on a subconscious level, and the person simply does not realize the gap.

A person suffers greatly due to the fact that he will never be next to his soul mate. When he accepts this harsh reality, then he will get a chance to get rid of the mental pain. But such an understanding does not come immediately. The duration of experiences directly depends on the duration of the relationship. In order to bring this moment closer on your own, you need to get rid of all objects and even contacts with people that are reminders of relationships.

The next stage of heartache from a break with a loved one is the stage of indignation and even hatred. The person who was abandoned is trying by all means and methods to take revenge on the former, to bring him maximum inconvenience. But such drastic measures, as a rule, are due to a scandalous break, for example, after treason. Resentment occurs because it is difficult for a person to blame himself for breaking up. It is much easier to blame your ex for all the sins.

The stage of resentment is characterized by the fact that a person focuses exclusively on negative emotions, which is extremely bad for the prospect of a quick recovery. Also, a person often thinks about how much could be done at this time, and not spend it on a relationship. There is a feeling of loneliness and for their future, and even the denial of new relationships.

When the soul hurts, you do not need to restrain yourself from loud suffering and even tears. They make it possible to quickly cope with the pain in the soul. There is nothing terrible or shameful in this, because even scientists have proven that tears make it possible to quickly survive and forget the problem. Many people who didn't want to break up continue to contact their ex and even ask him to start over. And if that person does not agree, then there is no need to insist on your own, because this leads to even greater suffering and memories of a happy past. This will significantly slow down mental recovery.

It is no secret that in most cases, women are much more difficult to endure parting. This is explained quite simply, because for them love comes first in life, while for a man the main thing is work. Therefore, men do not focus on this problem so much and find a replacement for their ex more easily.

Of great importance in the fight against such experiences is the ability to switch to another topic, for example, to do what you love or personal development. But if this does not help, and the mental pain has been going on for a year or even more, then it is better to turn to a psychologist.

How to relieve severe mental pain?

Severe mental pain is not at all like physical pain, because it manifests itself in suffering. And they, in turn, lead to the loss of the meaning of life by a sick person. Emotional experiences are accompanied by longing, loneliness, shame, guilt, as well as fear of future problems.

In order to relieve severe mental pain, it is necessary to understand its root cause. For example, if a certain person is such a reason, then it is necessary to work on relationships with him, and not extinguish your emotions. If there is no understanding on his part, then you need to avoid him, even if this leads to dismissal. Finding a job is much easier than restoring the body from the effects of stress.

After a difficult breakup, emotional distress can last up to one year. It is necessary to start a new relationship after this period, so as not to step on the rake twice. The emotional pain from illness or death of a person must be passed through and accepted reality as it is.

It is necessary to understand that the negative event has already ended. You need to go through a period of pain and plan your future life taking into account this negative situation. It is possible to get acquainted with a person who is experiencing a much greater disorder. This will help to understand that the situation is not so difficult, other people are much worse. The correct mode of the day and exercise will help to quickly survive the heartache.

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Loving a person, spending years next to him, but suddenly being deleted from his life is not an easy test. Such a denouement causes physical and mental torment, and the heart shrinks for a long time from injustice, longing and loneliness. Such wounds do not heal immediately - painful attacks sometimes make themselves felt for years. The question of how to stop worrying about separation from a loved one for women who find themselves in an unforeseen situation is especially acute.

There is nothing to be surprised: this part of humanity is genetically tuned to finding happiness through self-realization in the family. The plans for the future of most girls are correlated with the duties of a wife, the joys of desired motherhood. The disappearance of the object of love, with which dreams and hopes were associated, no matter what the circumstances, is perceived as a tragedy. The problem of how to relieve mental pain becomes central during this period.

How to get rid of the heartache of love: step by step

The fact that faces “crawl out” more slowly than others from a state of deep sensual shock complicates matters. Such people find peace of mind is vital. And without understanding that they cannot achieve the goal at an accelerated pace, they will not be able to get out of the created conflict. For a long journey, you also need to stock up on fortitude. Nevertheless, for the sake of a renewed self - having said goodbye to illusions and ready for a new one - it is worth overcoming all the milestones of this path.

Time heals: give it to yourself

• - . Do not think why it is so bad in your soul - just grieve in a space conducive to light sadness: on a walk, in a quiet room, in the kitchen with a cup of tea.
• - Let disappointment, anger, grief, anxiety and uncertainty about the future pass before your eyes sequentially, stage by stage. Plunge into the sea of ​​emotions, but don't let yourself drown in it forever.
• - If at this phase you lost interest in everything - up to the desire to leave the house, take care of yourself, observe an elementary regimen - seek the help of a psychologist. Such stress will be removed by a professional.

Get rid of reminder things and help others

• - Tips on how to get rid of the past will not work if you constantly stumble upon the things of the former. Bridge burning rituals are overkill. Give your junk to someone who needs it.
• - Perhaps along the way you will remember about charity and pick up items that will bring joy to people in need and deprivation. Agree: their sorrows are incomparable with your loss.
• - Move from communicating with comforting friends to the position of a comforter. Try on the role of a comrade and adviser. Start listening, comforting and lending a helping hand to your neighbors.

Get away from provocations and start recovering

• - Avoid provocative factors: songs that give rise to associations, well-established cafes, photos in communities. Do not delay attention on them, switch to fresh songs and rest corners.
• - Use energetic, incendiary music, rhythmic dance melodies as a medicine. They will create an endorphin surge and cheer you up. Dance and move more.
• - Shift from being "tired of everything" to a pleasurable chain of reading a book, watching a thriller, a concert, a comedy show.

Change your lifestyle and be positive

• - The usual way of life that accompanies your coexistence has been destroyed - this is understandable. But it doesn't mean that. To cope with mental pain, look for an alternative to your previous activities.
• - You may not need drastic changes. But a pleasant hobby, a trip to another city in a nice company or as a lone tourist is what you need. The change of scenery sets you up for a different story.
• - Change your image, engage in personal growth. Feel the reserves hidden in you and let them go. They dreamed of mastering the technique of macrame, karate techniques - go ahead. Lots of time and you are free!

• - Love yourself - this trait does not repel, but attracts, gives success and endows with stamina.
• Empathy and helping others is a guarantee that you will never be left alone.
• - Joke and smile: now you not only know how to live on - you have someone to support you.
• Trust people and give them love. A sad experience is no reason to lose faith in the good. It's not far off.