How to become emotionally independent. How to be independent
At some point in your life, you may want to become financially independent from your parents (if you are still dependent). Perhaps in an instant you will simply feel the urgent need for this, just
At some point in your life, you may want to become financially independent from your parents (if you are still dependent). Perhaps in an instant you will simply feel the urgent need for this, you just want to be free from the constant need to leave home only to return back with your tail between your legs and an empty wallet.
And every time your parents again they will offer to pay your expenses, and you will have to accept this help, although you will all resent this.
You will realize that you are not using your potential in life, because you simply do not need it. You don't look for a permanent job, for example, because you know that your mother will always be there to help you if you fail. And you don't try to keep a job if it becomes too difficult, boring, or routine. And you quit again.
But with this you are not just using your parents, you yourself are blocking your way to personal growth and development.
Your personal financial independence means not accepting help from your parents. It also means following your career so you have a source of income. You may need to walk to and from work to save money on gas or a fare ticket. You may have to sleep on an uncomfortable couch in someone's room, and sometimes you won't be able to eat for several days until you get paid for your work.
Yes, you will face difficulties and the experience you have gained will seem humiliating to you, but having experienced all this once, you will learn the lesson and you will not have to repeat it. And it is through him that you will understand who you really are and what you are really capable of, challenging yourself to become independent.
How to install financial independence
The relationship between a child and one of its parents is just one of many relationships that may require one or two individuals to develop a sense of dependency. Other examples would be romantic relationships or friendships.
While every relationship has its ups and downs, I learned that there are three general steps to independence: declaration, separation, and reconnection.
State your intentions
The first step in this process is to declare your independence. Think of the declaration stage as something that cuts the emotional umbilical cord. At this stage, you communicate your intention to become independent from the other person. This statement can be received with incomprehension, anger, sadness, and a variety of other emotions and reactions. Here are some things to keep in mind when you declare your independence:
Communicate your message with confidence and perseverance.
Be short and to the point.
Use phrases that begin with "I" to let others know that your decision is about you, not them.
You should not feel the need to justify or apologize for your decision.
Let go of the need to be responsible for other people's reactions.
The actual content of the message can be relatively simple. For example: “I am making some positive changes in my life, although they may not seem so easy to implement. I'm trying to take more responsibility for myself and my own life. I want to become more independent and understand who I really am. I depended on you (insert specific information) and I need to step back from this dependence, begin to understand myself more deeply. My decision is not a reflection of you. This is a statement about myself and where I am in my life. Therefore, for a period of time, I will be less associated with you.”
It is likely that you will be asked what specific period of time you are talking about. Simply answer that it will take just as long as it takes for you to cultivate your independence and discover who you really are.
To separate means to build a definite boundary between you and the other person. This can be done by separating physically, sexually, financially or emotionally. What you need is determined by the nature of your relationship.
If it's physically impossible to separate, limit the time you spend talking or interacting with that person. Focus on setting healthy emotional boundaries and living within them.
After all, the purpose of separation is to allow you to see yourself more clearly and to help you understand what you need for your own well-being. In the space that the branch creates for you, you will allow your inner self to speak. Those factors that distracted you and were created by another person will begin to disappear: the needs, opinions, thoughts and feelings of the other person. You will eventually be able to discern what is authentic, true, and revealed to yourself.
You are aware of the needs that you have filled due to your dependence on another person, and you will find ways to fulfill these needs yourself. You may have depended on the other person to motivate yourself, comfort yourself, take your mind off your problems, or feel loved.
What do you do if the other person no longer fills that role in your life? You yourself learn to take responsibility for motivation, comfort and love. You will also be able to start paying attention to the issues you have been avoiding and ignoring. Separation allows you to truly experience your independence and regain power over your choices, behaviors, beliefs, and the emotional footprint you create and leave behind.
Paradoxically, the more responsibility you take on, the more freedom you will have - the freedom to be yourself and live your life, realizing your own goals.
You may be asking the question, "How long do I have to go through the separation stage?"
It depends on the circumstances and the nature of the relationship between you and the other person. However, this stage should be long enough for you to identify and understand your own needs, opinions, thoughts and motivations, independently of other people. For some, it may take days, weeks, years, or even decades. And some may determine for themselves already during the separation stage that resuming a relationship is an unwise choice, no matter how much time has passed.
Simple test: tune in to yourself. How do you feel when you think or interact with this person? If they are still predominantly negative or confusing, you may not yet be ready to reconnect with this person.
If you can't interact with this person without losing yourself, try to evaluate whether such a person even deserves a place in your life?
Reconnect when you're ready
The final stage is the restoration of communication. This stage includes the conclusion of new agreements and the definition of roles in relationships in a new way. These roles must be clearly defined and accepted by both individuals.
Things to consider:
What behaviors are acceptable? Which ones are unacceptable?
What will you expect from each other?
What will be the consequences if the agreements are not respected?
Having and controlling consequences does not mean that you will try to control or manipulate the other person. Rather, it is an opportunity to clearly understand what works in a given situation and what does not. Once you communicate your expectations to other people, they get a chance to decide if they agree with you or not. This process requires you to be completely sincere and honest. If something doesn't work for you, but you accept it anyway, you are being dishonest to yourself and to the other person. This often leads to misunderstanding and hidden anger.
Make your intentions clear
Take your time and spend more time discovering your true self. Re-establish the roles in your relationship and you will achieve the desired financial independence.
"The best helping hand is your own." Swedish proverb
Many girls often ask themselves the question, why be strong and independent if there is a strong male shoulder nearby? In fact, not everything is as simple as we would like. At all times, men were attracted to independent girls. Psychologists give the fair sex a number of tips to become interesting for a man.
Be yourself. You should never follow someone else's opinion if it doesn't match yours. Do not be afraid to go along with the wishes of your chosen one. So you, on the contrary, will become more interesting for him.
Be independent. The relationship between a girl and a man should be primarily a partnership. Guys don't like dependent women.
Be well-groomed and beautiful. The beauty of a girl should have not only external manifestations, but also internal ones. You can’t give a reason to doubt your beauty and harmony with yourself even for a minute. Your behavior should emphasize irresistibility.
Don't sacrifice yourself for a relationship. If you have a meeting with friends or a girlfriend, do not cancel it for the sake of the suddenly changed plans of your chosen one. You do not need to give yourself entirely to a man.
Get rid of jealousy and its manifestations. Jealousy is a bad friend in a relationship. The big mistake of many girls is that they do not know how to control their jealous manifestations, which only repels the guy.
Learn not only to listen, but also to speak. Try to become a support for your man, do not criticize him, but on the contrary, do your best to support all his undertakings.
Go for compromises. Do not overdo it with perseverance. In any business, as well as relationships, it is necessary to see and feel the line.
Disrespect cannot be tolerated. The guy should respect you. You can not turn a blind eye to the manifestations of impolite attitude on the part of a man. He must fight for you, but never against you.
Set goals on your horizon. Remember, men love girls with ambition, so don't sit in one place, conquer the peaks.
Recognize it as a man. Men like strong girls, but we must not forget that a girl should allow her chosen one to make decisions.
We hope these tips are helpful to you. Do not forget also that the representatives of the stronger sex like successful and prosperous girls!
A man has long been considered the main thing in everything. Be it profession, family or lifestyle. But in the modern world, domostroy has already lost its authority, and more and more often one can hear the question from the lips of a woman: “How to become independent?” Do not wait until the husband allocates money for shopping, lets go out with friends or decides whether to go in for sports or try another hobby. Babies, diapers, and household chores are definitely things that a woman's fragile shoulders hold on to. But life should not pass by! Bury your personality and talents for a man? Who told you such nonsense! In this article, we will dispel all your doubts and explain how to become independent.
Dependence on a man - how to get rid of it?
Where does it all begin? Usually this is either the beginning of cohabitation, or marriage and, again, cohabitation. Career, personal time and space, which was filled with life before meeting a man, are gradually fading into the background. New roles and responsibilities open up before a woman - housekeeping and life, the birth of children and their upbringing. Gradually, a woman begins to sacrifice herself for the sake of good relations in the family, and begins to dissolve in a man and his life. This is where dependence on her husband begins. It has the character of a sacrifice. Refusal of development and career in favor of children, husband and family - after all, a woman is sure that such a sacrifice will certainly be appreciated. But time passes, and emotional dependence gradually becomes material. After all, the career went down the drain! Scandals are gradually brewing: she is bored at home, she doesn’t like that he comes home late and does not pay attention to her, she doesn’t like that he gives her little money, etc. At the same time, an addicted woman begins to be afraid of losing a man who already begins to look around, depression, relationship problems, dissatisfaction with her life, and much more begin. But it all started with a banal sacrifice, albeit with good intentions. The only way out of this situation is to become independent!
The reasons that a woman begins to depend on her husband originate in childhood. The mistakes of the parents in this case consisted in limiting freedom and showing initiative. Children become dependent, to whom parents often said: "If you love me, then you will do as I said." Or vice versa: "If you love me, then you won't do it." Given the fact that women subconsciously seek support and support in a man, a woman will automatically begin to sacrifice herself for his love. How to correct the situation and become the one that bears the proud title of “independent woman”? Of course, you need to solve your psychological problems once and for all. You can do this in the following way:
1. Start with a little exercise: close your eyes and imagine that you are sitting on a high mountain, and below you there is a long path. She is your life. Look at it carefully, and try to analyze your behavior in some situations that you especially remember. Think of moments when you were proud of yourself, then situations when you were doing what you like. Then ask yourself a few questions and answer them honestly:
- What kind of relationship did I have with my parents?
- how often do i do what i want?
- Why am I afraid of losing my spouse?
- What will happen if I am left without a man?
2. Recall situations from childhood in which you were afraid to do something against the will of your parents. Convince yourself that, as an adult, you have the right to do as you please.
3. Think about what you want from your life? What goals and plans you can and want to set for yourself. Try to start implementing them without looking back at someone else's opinion or disapproval.
4. Remember that the best relationships are only in those families where both spouses know their worth, do not depend on each other, do not try to remake each other, but live in mutual respect, love and harmony. 
In any family there should not be a strong and weak side. All duties of the spouse should be divided in half. Let, at first, it will be difficult for you to get out of the role of a victim. Make it clear to the household that you have the right to personal time and personal interests. As soon as you start doing your own things in addition to household chores, you will feel how easy it becomes on your soul, and you will see how quickly your family life will improve. Remember that only love and mutual respect in this world can work wonders. And personal space is your world, where you can no longer depend on anyone.
After marriage, especially with a wealthy man, one can often observe how a woman turns from a strong and free woman into a housewife. Against the background of vivid feelings of the first years of married life, the realization that something has changed in life and not for the better does not come immediately. But after the thoughts clear up and the veil falls from the eyes, a logical question arises, how to become independent from her husband?
Men are mostly hunters and miners. This role obliges a lot, so striving for independence is considered quite natural for them. But the psychology of men is arranged in such a way that it is not enough for them to be simply independent, they certainly want their wife to depend on her husband.
Perhaps they believe that in this way it is easier to keep a woman near them. The form of the dependency does not matter. Most often, a woman depends on a man morally or financially, and sometimes in the first and second way at the same time. Turning into a housewife who sees nothing beyond the bedroom, kitchen and children usually occurs in two scenarios.
The first is a direct statement that after the wedding, a woman should not work and her main occupation is to provide comfort in the house (consider the place in the kitchen).
The second one is more sophisticated. The husband smoothly brings his wife to the idea that his beloved wife should not work somewhere, and he, as a breadwinner, will provide for her and the children. This is where home tyranny begins.
In such families, the only thing the wives do is wash, wash, cook, look after the children and wear slippers in their teeth. Some see their happiness in this and are quite satisfied, but others are not attracted to the role of a full-time housekeeper.
How to become independent from her husband and not destroy the family?
The first thing to start with is to understand what kind of addiction you are in. If the question is purely material, then you need to look for a job. Many may protest, saying that a woman was created to be loved and carried in her arms, and not just to be freed from the family yoke, to harness herself to the yoke of a truly working horse.
Such ladies will have to be disappointed - you will never become independent. Freedom is not only privileges, but also a number of duties. If you do not want to take them upon yourself, it means that you are striving not for freedom, but simply for an idle life.
With moral dependence, the situation is somewhat different; in order to overcome it, it is necessary to develop some strong-willed qualities in oneself. For these purposes, there are special trainings and courses, but you can give a few tips, following which will help not only take the first step towards freedom, but also grow as a person.
First steps towards freedom
The first thing to do is to really set a goal. Without a firm intention, there will be no result.
The second tip is to get yourself in the proper state. A woman independent of her husband is a beautiful woman. It often happens that a woman ceases to take care of herself in the daily routine, if you want to return that special attitude that your husband had for you before, make an effort and become as bright as in the first days of your acquaintances.
An independent woman is not only a beautiful wrapper, but also something that hides inside. Undoubtedly, there are some subjects or topics that have always interested you, but due to lack of time you have always put them on the back burner, take care of them immediately. Read more, share your thoughts, but not with your husband, but, for example, with your friends. Find a hobby outside of the home.
For your man, you must again represent a kind of mystery. Feel free to win back your right to some personal affairs outside the walls of the apartment, but do not overdo it so that your other half does not begin to suspect you of something wrong.
Independence is a sign of a strong and independent personality. But it is not very easy to achieve it. Many women consider themselves independent, but they are not. Others do not think about such a characteristic of their personality, because they already possess it.
The roots of addiction often lie in childhood, are born by strong and domineering parents who manipulate their child. Parents set conditions based on feelings (“if you love me, then you will do it” or “if you love me, then you will never do this”), and the child has this format of relationships for life. The fear of doing the wrong thing breeds the fear of making decisions. Independence is the ability not only to make an informed choice, but also to bear responsibility for it. People who do not have this quality try to shift the responsibility to someone else by any means. They are happy to follow other people's advice, so that later they can easily blame the adviser for the problems that have arisen.
An independent person is able to assess the consequences and make a choice, weighing all the pros and cons.
How to become independent from parents
No matter how old you are, you will always be a small child to your parents. They worry about all the events taking place in your life, trying to make it as comfortable and safe as possible. Blaming them for caring is completely wrong, learn to make concessions. But you can’t let your parents completely control your life.
As a rule, the first attempts to gain independence from parents appear in adolescence. Adolescents are experiencing a crisis of becoming, are in search of themselves, the guardianship of their parents seems completely unnecessary to them. They feel like adults and want to be treated accordingly.
But all dreams of “freedom from parents” are shattered by one single argument that almost all parents use - finances. It is impossible to become independent living in the parental home, being fully supported by them. So there are only two options: to endure addictions or to look for means of earning. It is not necessary to skip school and get a low-paid part-time job. You can negotiate with your parents to increase pocket money in exchange for extra housework or help, say, neighbors.
If you build communication in this way, you can achieve partial independence and not lose good relationships with your loved ones.
How to become independent of other people's opinions
Many girls are afraid of what others will say about them. Who these "others" are and why their opinion is so important is the main problem of independence. You need to decide which people's thoughts really matter to you. Create a mental circle consisting of the names of close friends and relatives, try to make it as large as possible. Now think about whether all the people you remembered are authority for you. For example, your older sister is a great person, but she doesn't know how to dress at all. Should I listen to her opinion in choosing a new dress?
Of course, close people sometimes try to put pressure on each other in order to protect them from danger or disappointment. But can your friend, who has no experience in long-term relationships, give you useful advice in this area? Maybe it's better to discuss the problem with mom?
So, the circle of close people is outlined, the areas in which they are experts for you are highlighted. What to do with other people: distant relatives, acquaintances, colleagues? Nothing. It is impossible to please absolutely everyone. No matter what you do, there will always be someone unhappy with your choice.
Of course, you need to focus on social rules, on moral norms. For the rest, trust yourself and your loved ones. After all, the opinion of your father is much more important to you, and not a neighbor from the third floor.
Do not refuse advice, you can hear interesting ideas and reconsider your position. But don't blindly follow these tips or you will never achieve independence.
How to become independent from a man
A relationship with a loved one is always an addiction. But it has to be "normal". You should not get carried away with your opinion and make important decisions without discussing them with your “soulmate”. The couple must exist as a single organism. Otherwise, there is a high risk of losing your loved one.
But it’s not worth completely dissolving in your man. You must clearly understand where his and where your opinion is. If your views on the problem and its solution do not coincide, then it is necessary to discuss the issue.
Many women happily agree to work at home and give up their careers in order to have a baby later. But the children grow up, the woman becomes bored. And it’s not very interesting for a man to listen to how his wife cleaned all day or (even worse) watched TV shows.
Find yourself a job, even if it does not bring you much income, but you will know that you are provided with financial independence.
