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Even in an ideal couple, conflicts happen. Quarrels are an integral part of any relationship.

How to respond to conflict

We all react differently to conflict situations: some consider them a great opportunity to get to know each other better and ultimately become even closer. For others, a quarrel is equated to a universal tragedy, when life loses all meaning.

If you think that your quarrel is not the kind that ends a relationship, it makes sense not only to make peace with your boyfriend, but also to analyze in detail the situation that led to the conflict. Moreover, it is advisable to do this together with a guy. This approach will help you better understand each other and avoid such conflicts in the future. You will be able to understand the important traits of your partner. Such “debriefings” are very important for those who strive for harmonious relationships in a couple.

How to behave during a conflict

Having quarreled, we are all under the influence of emotions, mostly negative. Never, no matter how heated your discussion, do not allow yourself to get personal and insult the guy. So, if you subsequently make peace, he will never forget the insults inflicted.

If you feel that emotions are overwhelming you, it is better to stop. Explain to your boyfriend that since you value your relationship with him, you should take a break and cool down. This will allow both you and him to calmly think about what happened and not act in the heat of anger.

What to do if a conflict has already happened

Left alone with yourself, try to distract yourself from your quarrel. The main thing is to follow the following rules:

1. Don't tell your friends about your quarrel. The fact is that, when angry, we tend to exaggerate what happened, and the peculiarities of our memory are such that we will remember exactly what we said. In addition, by attracting a friend as an ally and telling her about the most unpleasant moments of your relationship with your loved one, you unwittingly assign her the role of a person who will constantly criticize your boyfriend. This will not lead to anything good later.
2. Don't try to find someone to blame. If there is a fight, both are usually to blame. And your goal, most likely, is not to prove to the whole world how wrong it is, while you are white and fluffy. If this is the case, he is simply not worthy to be with you, and you should not think about maintaining such a relationship.
3. Don't call to insult your loved one again. Wait for the emotions to subside.
4. Write down all the points that were made during your quarrel, while omitting all attacks directed at you and him. Your task at this stage is to find out the cause of the quarrel and those points in which your opinions do not agree. At this stage, it is quite advisable to involve a friend or a professional psychologist to help. With their help, you can much more easily separate the most important points from the less significant ones.
5. Try to analyze as objectively as possible who made the mistake and where. It rarely happens that one person is absolutely wrong.
6. Further actions depend on your goals: it is one thing if you want to save the relationship, and another if you are faced with the task of proving that you are right.
7. Determine what you are willing to make concessions on and what you want in return.
8. When meeting a guy, refrain from reproaches and accusations. Explain to him your vision of the situation as calmly as possible and listen carefully to how he sees it. Most likely, your perception of what happened is significantly different.
9. It is very important not to get personal when discussing the situation. For example, you can say that his inattention and constant busyness are unpleasant to you, but you still shouldn’t call him insensitive.
10. Ask him what way out of this situation he sees. Also make your own suggestions that you think can improve the situation.
11. Having reached a consensus, voice the mutual decision made. This will help ensure that you both understand each other correctly.

What to do if there is a quarrel between you and a girl? There are several options. The simplest and most effective is to do absolutely nothing, expecting that the girl herself will come to reconcile; propose to part on this note, that is, in response to the last D (further) from the girl, do an even greater D, which will definitely work - the girl will whine and respond with a B (closer), apologizing. However, if you value relationships, before choosing one of the options, you need to figure out what exactly became the reason for the quarrel. That is, you need to solve the problem, and not leave it with your head in the sand.

Don’t forget – female nature is very vulnerable. For her, a squabble is not a trifle, as men often perceive it. Girls will take seriously even what a guy calls a joke. There is no need to immediately agree to a truce. Let the lady calm down, and only then start acting, that is, if you offer her to break up right away, you will not have a powerful effect, but if you give her a couple of days to think, then during this time she herself will take the first step towards reconciliation, and if not, then he will think about the situation and begin to get bored, then your “blow” will hit the target directly, and will bring her to powerful emotions towards you, make her suffer and love more. In general, you need to start from how serious the quarrel is. Suggesting separation during every quarrel is not an option. This technique can only be used once, otherwise your words will lose weight for her. And then, much more serious problems will begin in the relationship, and you will have to, since it is likely that she will want to break off the relationship herself, in all seriousness.

The reasons for a quarrel can be different, which means you need to introduce yourself according to the circumstances. If a guy kept a girl waiting by being late for a date, that’s one thing. But if a young man is caught cheating on another pretty girl, the scale of the scandal is completely different. As a rule, men make the same mistakes when trying to improve relationships. These are precisely the mistakes that need to be avoided. Read about this below.

It's no secret that when analyzing his behavior, a man cannot understand what wrong he did. Therefore, a woman’s dissatisfaction either becomes irritating for him or forces him to make concessions, bend over backwards and give gifts. Both are mistakes. Ideally, you should remain neutral.

As for scandals over little things, why do they happen? Girls prefer to remain silent in most situations, because they have a subconscious desire not to incite conflict. And if a girl starts a scandal over the slightest trifle, it means there is no more room left in her patience. To smooth out the conflict, a man needs to discuss everything with his other half when they meet. Telephone or email are not suitable for these purposes. But you must not bend, or, conversely, go too far and make gestures - otherwise the balance of significance will be shifted, and there will be a crack in the relationship. There are several classic ways to apologize (if you are REALLY at fault) - decorate your apartment with balloons, buy a cake and a bottle of champagne. If you are NOT to blame for the quarrel, then you need to be a little cold, but not harsh or rude to her. This will make her change her mind and make B (closer), after which you can make love.

If you do not immediately discuss the issue of concern and do not resolve the problem, over time it will become the impetus for a larger quarrel. If after the scandal you no longer want to continue the relationship with the girl, then it is better to admit it to her right away.

It’s easy to touch a nerve. To understand this truism you don’t have to be a philosopher or psychologist. In the sandbox, a baby makes another baby cry by taking away a toy or breaking a sand castle. At school there are offensive nicknames and quarrels due to defects in vision, figure, and thirst for knowledge. And adults, sometimes, “subtly” and mercilessly wound each other, leaving bleeding heart wounds for a long time.

We were offended, we were offended. It hurts us, it hurts our loved one too. A quarrel is usually accompanied by experiences that are familiar to everyone. We quarreled - what to do now? Let's try to figure it out.

Why do we get offended

More and more often, resentment settles in the heart due to the fact that expectations were not met. People tend to create in their imagination an ideal image of a relationship: a girlfriend (boyfriend) should prefer only our company; husband (wife) - to be loving, caring; children - meet all the criteria of education and must be talented. But in life everything happens differently, since people do not tend to care about the expectations of others. Often a quarrel occurs over some trifle. Sometimes a look, a word, an intonation is enough.

How to destroy a wall

But now the passions have subsided, the fountain of emotions has calmed down, it’s time to restore good relations. What happened has already happened and it is impossible to change it, what to do now?

• “Calm, just calm,” said the kind Carlson. Some active activity will help you get rid of negative emotions. You quarreled with your friend - what should you do? Calm down and pull yourself together, as emotions will soon subside and it will be easier to solve the problem that has arisen, so you can remember about housework or sports.
• Analyze the situation. Each person has his own truth. If you think that you are right in everything, and the offender should pay for what he did? Then you are deliberately preventing the relationship from being restored. What is more important - to be right and at the same time rejected, or to forget about selfishness and restore the harmony of relationships? Of course, if the relationship means something to you. If it’s a matter of stung pride, look at the circumstances from a different angle. What motivated your abuser? Cunning, accident, hot temper? Often people hurt others without noticing it, without malicious intent, and then they worry because of their lack of restraint. In any case, without understanding and forgiveness, it is almost impossible to build strong, long-term relationships. For example, I had a fight with a girl - what to do if they said too many nasty things? Listening to her and understanding her is the first step. When a person admits his mistake, he can be forgiven a lot if he sincerely repents.
• Take the first step towards reconciliation and your “offender” will definitely appreciate it. And this does not mean admitting that you are guilty of everything. On the contrary, only strong-willed people can forgive and value a person and their relationships. There is no need to remember, restoring in memory: “And here... you, and here... I,” leave the bag with negative emotions, meaningless insults. You just need to apologize and don’t discuss what happened that day. It’s better to calmly talk about everything later, when this situation seems like an absurd coincidence to both of you.
• Don't hold grudges. It’s like a hot stone: the tighter and longer you hold it, the deeper the burn. How to achieve this? You just need to stop feeling sorry for yourself.
• Time will heal. You quarreled with a guy - what to do if he doesn’t make contact, but you don’t intend to forgive, because he hurt you so much? In such a situation, the best healer is time. Of course, you shouldn’t disappear for a long time, showing your indifference, because the person may decide that you don’t care about him and will do something stupid. You can write a letter or a message on the phone saying that he really hurt your feelings and that you also said too much to him, that you need to think about everything a little and talk later when you are both ready to do it. This way, he will know that you are hurt, but care about your relationship and still have something to save.
• Look at the world optimistically and set yourself up for the positive. Your imagination can help with this. A well-known psychological fact: the brain does not know how to separate imaginary events from real ones. For him, all our thoughts have power and meaning, just like real life. Think positively and by doing this you will contribute to exactly this course of events. Try, try, try. Perhaps the result of efforts will exceed expectations and give hitherto unknown harmony in relationships.
• The desire to prove that you are right will not help save the relationship. I quarreled with a friend - what should I do, do you think that he will admit his guilt? All this is meaningless, if you think only about yourself, think about his feelings, the answer will come by itself. If a person appreciates you, then he will admit his guilt, as you did; if he does not admit it, then do you need such a selfish person in your life? If you want to “restore justice,” do it another time without repeating the mistakes.

The main thing is not to engage in self-criticism. Correct conclusions and responsibility taken for what happened are enough. After all, the one who resolves the conflict truly values ​​the relationship.

After having a fight with a girl, don’t rush to buy her flowers, because in some cases, conflicts in relationships are completely different from what we are used to imagining.

There is always the possibility that the quarrel that occurred has a slightly different meaning. Perhaps the girl is deliberately acting offended in order to provoke you to show weakness.

Of course, if you look at the situation soberly and realize your guilt, then you still need to apologize. And for the future you should know what it should be like

The correct reaction of a man to conflicts

Arguing and swearing with a woman is like beating your head against a wall: you are unlikely to prove your point of view, but it is easy to ruin your nerves and show weakness. Moreover, proving that you are right is a thankless task, since a confident man does not need it.

If you are not sure that you are right, then your reaction to her accusations should be a constructive question. If you do not receive a normal answer to it, then you need to end the communication (meeting). And don’t get in touch until she gets in touch herself.

If you initially know that you were right in this situation, then in response to its negativity you just need to silently leave. Such an act will force her to play by your rules.

Often guys are afraid to end the conversation/meeting, hoping that she will speak out and calm down. This is a wrong opinion, because deep down the girl hopes that you will get up and leave.

conclusions:

1. Your worth as a man will largely depend on how you respond to her complaints. There is no need to quarrel with a girl, because this way you show your weakness and insecurity. It is best to behave calmly and at the same time remember about self-respect, not allowing her to remake you “for herself.”
2. It is important to ask yourself whether you are really wrong in the current situation. Listen to your inner feelings, not to the girl’s words, and don’t be afraid to act despite her offended appearance.
3. Know how to apologize if you really were to blame. But don't rush into it. Let her wait a little!

Do you want to know what else to do after you had a fight with a girl? Then check out the new version of the article on my blog at this link: