panic disorder. Panic Disorder Severity Scale

Even healthy people are prone to neurosis. How to cope with neuroses and how to deal with neurotic states will be discussed in this article.

What is a neurosis?

What is neurosisNeurosis manifests itself as a painful condition in conditions of exhaustion of the nervous system. This is a personality disorder, the main expression of which is the instability of a person's mental health: frequent hysterical states and irritability.

Even emotionally stable, mentally healthy people are subject to neuroticism. This condition is characterized by increased anxiety. Excessive worries about appearance, sexual life, confidence in one's own morbidity, and even anxiety about the safety of the home, with frequent regular manifestations, are signals of the development of neuroticism. Normally, such manifestations of anxiety are adequate, since they are the result of caring for loved ones, an expression of the instinct of self-preservation and are aimed at ensuring physical and moral ...

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Part one

INSECURE. (source of anxiety and uncertainty)

The need for security is one of our three key needs. However, it must be remembered that security is, first of all, a feeling. One can imagine that a person is faced with a real threat, but feels confident and calm. True, another option is also possible: nothing threatens a person, but he experiences uncertainty and anxiety. Unfortunately, the latter happens more often; we tend to worry about imaginary dangers, and it is these worries that often turn our lives into torment. That is why it is so important that a person knows how to feel protected. Then, even under the influence of real threats, he will retain his presence of mind and be able to master the situation. If a person does not learn this feeling, then even in prosperity he will feel anxiety, restlessness and inner tension.

Chapter first

ALARM SOURCE

In my books, I have already talked about what fear is, how it differs from ...

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Do you need to perform in front of a large audience? Make a big deal? Get your dream job? All of us at least a few times in our lives have experienced a feeling of fear when the heart is about to jump out of the chest, the palms become wet, it is difficult to breathe and cramps begin in the stomach. Fear affects our body in order to protect us from danger. In everyday life, it is useful to experience a feeling of fear or insecurity in small quantities, this helps to keep the body in good shape. But an excessive sense of fear overshadows the mind, because of which we are unable to make the right decision. In addition, the constant feeling of self-doubt, anxiety, reckless fear is very detrimental to our health, causing problems in the digestive tract, headaches, depression, high blood pressure and even cardiovascular disease. Therefore, it is very important to understand the reason for your fears that prevent you from living a normal life.

Where does fear come from? For example, the most...

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How to deal with emotions when it becomes difficult to breathe. Fear, anger, irritation, indignation, injustice, resentment, a feeling of insecurity, abandonment and the only desire: to defend yourself ...

The feeling that the moment stops ... And you begin to hear and feel the beats of your pulse. This sound resounds in every cell of your body. The tension is unbearable. And it doesn't matter what exactly caused it. This noise is driving you crazy...

And of course, you will definitely meet a “well-wisher” who inadvertently says: “Calm down!” - oh, it would be better if he overslept that day or went a different way, so as not to meet you eye to eye at this moment ...

Familiar? Then you are at the right place! Today's article...

How to deal with emotions: emotional "prevention"

What is prevention? In the case of physical illnesses, these are preventive worlds that help to avoid illness at the time of an epidemic. Vaccinations, vitamins, etc.

In our...

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It seems that I have found the cause of many of my fucking and negative states. An irrational feeling of insecurity. I cannot say for sure what I need to be protected from or what exactly I am afraid of - there is no logic here. It's a deep background feeling. That is why I was so painfully attached to my mother and then painfully attached to different men, and now I am attached to the next one. I get attached to people, even if I have nothing to talk about with them, even if there is no sex, etc. - simply because for me the most important thing is just to have the carcass of another person, and this gives me some kind of sense of security.

At the same time, I am painfully dependent on the mood of those who act as a "protector". I sensitively feel the difference - now everything is cool, you can relax. Now, right now, he (she) has some kind of tension, and right away - I need to check if this is connected with me. Maybe I did something wrong. If it is connected, I get anxious, shaking, as if there is a real danger, and I have to...

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How to overcome the feeling of helplessness? How to overcome the feeling of helplessness?

The feeling of helplessness is a very unpleasant feeling. For emotional people who can cry for hours, experiencing a moment of their own helplessness can be an extremely serious shock.

The feeling of helplessness can be stronger than us, because in early childhood, we were really helpless. In those moments when fear takes possession of us, it is difficult to understand that we are already adults and are no longer as helpless as we were in childhood.

Feeling helpless is a feeling we try to avoid. Since childhood, each of us has a fear of being powerless in front of external circumstances. This fear can cause a desire to control the unwanted actions of another person so that these actions do not hurt our ego.

How do you react when you feel helpless over other people's choices?

Do you get irritated and annoy other people? Feeling angry and...

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collective security. How to deal with anxiety about the future?

With the loss of this basic feeling, the disintegration of society occurs. People lose civic activity and begin to make attempts to survive alone. But since man is a social being, none of this works. Thus, the loss of this feeling threatens the degradation and destruction of the human community...

A series of events in recent years makes us talk about a massive loss of a sense of security and safety. The war in Ukraine, terrorist attacks over the Sinai Peninsula and in Paris, the threat of terrorist attacks in Europe, the Russian Su-24 aircraft shot down by Turkey… Too often in recent times there is a threat of destruction not only of individuals, but of entire states, and even a threat to the survival of mankind. After all, the possibility of unleashing a third world war is the most ...

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A relatively stable positive emotional experience and awareness by the individual of the possibility of satisfying his basic needs and ensuring his own rights in any, even an unfavorable situation, when circumstances arise that may block or hinder their implementation. One of the most important mechanisms that provide psychological security is psychological defense - a necessary condition for the formation of an adequate sense of psychological security. Otherwise, the emergence of a sense of psychological insecurity is natural. The empirical guarantors of the phenomenon of psychological security are a sense of belonging to a group, adequate self-esteem, a realistic level of claims, a tendency to over-situational activity, adequate attribution of responsibility, the absence of increased anxiety, neuroses, fears, etc. Stable experience of one’s own psychological security is of particular importance in childhood and in...

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Is life pain? Not only, but it hurts everyone - some get by with scratches and light abrasions, others get out pretty shabby. Not everyone knows how to heal spiritual wounds, some continue to scroll the story of their unhappy life for years and decades.

My Soul Hurts…

“I can’t, my soul hurts,” the person says and tries to drown out the pain with wine, vodka, drugs or antidepressants. He is looking for an anesthetic, thanks to which his soul would become insensitive to pain, would cease to suffer from resentment, injustice, betrayal, which would help to survive the loss or relieve the guilt that torments the soul.

The German poet Heinrich Heine wrote that "Love is a toothache in the heart." But no bodily pain can be compared with the pain of a suffering soul. This is only later, when everything passes, you can repeat after Nietzsche: "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

F. Dostoevsky wrote: “We must somehow suffer again our future happiness; buy it...

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Understand the cause of jealousy. You may find it difficult to accept the fact that you are experiencing negative feelings and emotions. Sometimes in such a situation, we tend to blame others for it. Try not to look at this negative quality with compassionate eyes. Learn to objectively assess your emotions by thinking about why you are experiencing them. Think about what emotions are associated with jealousy and what causes them. For example, if you are jealous of your significant other, think about why you feel that way. Perhaps you feel fear because you are afraid of losing your partner (perhaps you have had a sad experience in the past). In addition, you may feel sad at the thought of losing this person. You may also feel like you've been betrayed because your partner isn't giving you enough attention. Finally, you may experience feelings of inferiority, thinking that you are not worthy of love. Think of something that might heighten your senses and try to write it down on paper. For example, you can...

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2. What are the main sources of clinical information obtained during the interview?

The clinician should be attentive to what the patient is saying (i.e. the main complaint), manner of speech (how thoughts are expressed), and non-verbal signs that are expressed by "body language" (i.e., posture, gait, facial expression or movement pattern) . While listening to the patient, the dentist observes his gestures, fussy movements, profuse sweating or shortness of breath, which may reflect hidden anxiety or emotional problems.

3. What factors most often determine the patient's behavior?

1. Understanding and interpretation by the patient of the existing situation (reality or point of view on the disease).

2. Patient's past experience or life history.

3. The patient's personality and general outlook on life.

Patients usually go to the dentist for help and are relieved by sharing personal experiences with a knowledgeable professional who can help them. However, u...

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How to deal with an unhealthy appetite

An addiction to certain types of food is always indicative of some kind of imbalance in your body. Just on this topic, Dr. Doris Vertu wrote a book called "You constantly want tasty: what it means and how to deal with it." Trying to make up for the lack of some substances, your body insistently requires certain foods. For example, an excess of protein can lead to a constant craving for sweets, while a lack of magnesium causes a craving for chocolate. A balanced diet with plenty of fresh vegetables, fruits, and grains will help normalize your taste sensations, and you will feel that the craving for "delicious" food will begin to recede.

Some people find that what they crave most is something high in fat and high in calories. You probably already know a lot from the latest press reports about "fat grams" and how excess fat causes clogged arteries, heart disease, and...

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Question: 1. There are different interpretations of Pandava Ekadashi among the worst Vaishnavas. Some Vaishnavas say that if, for example, you break some Ekadashi, then simply by observing Pandava Ekadashi, automatically all broken Ekadashi are counted. But other senior Vaishnavas say that this is a global speculation.… Expand>

1. There are different interpretations of the Pandava Ekadashi among the older Vaishnavas. Some Vaishnavas say that if, for example, you break some Ekadashi, then simply by observing Pandava Ekadashi, automatically all broken Ekadashi are counted. But other senior Vaishnavas say that this is global speculation.

2. Is it necessary for devotees to keep a dry fast on Nirjala Ekadashi?

3. How to treat the night vigils on Ekadashi?

^ Collapse

Russian; Dobromysh, Tatarstan,...

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Today there is great amount techniques, hundreds of articles and books have been written on anxiety disorders, but patients continue to go to all possible doctors, undergo many examinations and look for non-existent symptoms of a deadly disease. Fear thereby increases even more, and it becomes more and more difficult to convince a person of the groundlessness of his fears. Ideally, such a person should be immediately referred to a psychotherapist or neurologist, but, unfortunately, few therapists are sufficiently knowledgeable in this matter, and continue to conduct examinations and seek answers to countless patient complaints.

The essence of the disease

The diagnosis of panic disorders is usually made together with "vegetovascular dystonia", "vegetative crises" or "symptomatic adrenaline crises". Basically, panic attacks are a symptom of one of these diseases, but they are treated on their own, vegetovascular dystonia is also diagnosed in most cases by a psychotherapist or neuropathologist. The disease can occur both on its own and immediately turn into a panic disorder. Symptoms of the disease:

Anxiety, anxiety, restlessness.

Increased blood pressure.

Pain in the chest area, palpitations, tachycardia.

Feeling of suffocation, feeling of a coma in the chest.

The fact is that fear is the strongest, therefore, at the moment of danger, absolutely all living beings receive a brain signal: “Fight or flight.” To obtain the necessary strength to fight or run, a huge amount of adrenaline is released into the blood. The heartbeat and breathing become more frequent, blood pressure rises, and the imaginary numbness of the limbs, wadded legs are, in fact, an overstrain of the muscles that have prepared for a quick run from a frightening situation.

Why does this happen

So, we figured out that uncontrolled panic disorders are not a fatal disease, but a normal reaction of the body to danger. The problem is that there is no danger. And attacks occur in completely calm, non-fear situations: when traveling by public transport, in line at a supermarket, in an elevator, or during an important meeting. The first time anxiety panic disorder starts unexpectedly, but some common "precursors" can still be traced. These are stresses, regular lack of sleep, unbalanced nutrition, bad habits - in a word, all this can be called deterioration of the body. Sometimes the disease manifests itself after some serious shock: the death of loved ones, divorce, or even a banal move to another country and the process of adaptation in it.

Development, causes, treatment

For a patient who regularly experiences panic disorder, the symptoms seem unbearably severe and very frightening, in fact, they do not carry any danger at all. It is impossible to die or even faint from them, but it is the incommensurability of the body's reaction to external stimuli that frightens a person, or rather, their absence.

Several factors influence the development of the disease. The main role is given to hereditary predisposition, this does not mean that the disease will certainly make itself felt, but the likelihood of this increases significantly. In this case, it would be very advisable to carry out regular preventive measures, as well as a more careful attitude to your lifestyle.

The second most likely to experience panic disorder (about one in five patients) are changes in the central nervous system associated with childhood and adolescent psychological trauma. At the same time, some internal conflicts, open or subconscious, can accompany the patient all his life. And since children's grievances, feelings of insecurity and children's fears cannot find another way out, they result in anxious states. Various methods of psychotherapy conducted by a specialist will help to identify and cure childhood and youthful traumas.

The last and, perhaps, the main reason for the development of panic attacks are anxious and suspicious features of a person’s character. In the same stressful circumstances, it is people with similar personality characteristics who acquire nervous system instability and panic disorders as a result.

Features of an anxious and suspicious character

Lack of confidence in yourself and your own abilities.

Increased anxiety.

Excessive attention to their own feelings.

Emotional instability.

The need for increased attention from loved ones.

Treatment Methods

The problem of identifying and making a correct diagnosis lies in the fact that a person himself does not seek help from the necessary specialist. Basically, people prefer to attribute to themselves non-existent fatal diseases, but deliberately avoid a psychotherapist. But for a patient with diseases such as vegetovascular dystonia, as well as anxiety and panic disorder, it is this doctor who is treating.

To date, there are many technologies that can both alleviate and completely relieve the patient from seizures, among them: cognitive behavioral therapy, psychological relaxation, neurolinguistic programming, and many others. It is the doctor who will be able to determine the methods of psychotherapy or pharmacological prescriptions that must be followed in the future. It should be noted that therapy is selected purely individually, taking into account the course of the disorder, the duration of the disease, the causes of its occurrence, concomitant diseases and the nature of the patient himself. Sometimes, in order to calm the nervous system of a person, it may be necessary to be admitted to a regional psychoneurological dispensary, after discharge from which, you should also contact a psychotherapist to complete the treatment.

Panic attacks with the right choice of therapy can be completely cured. The reliability of this was confirmed by the results of unique studies conducted in 2010 by specialists from one of the research institutes of psychiatry, psychotherapy and narcology. They consisted in identifying the most effective methods of treatment for certain symptoms of panic attacks. The experiment involved 120 patients diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, divided into three groups of 40 people each, to which various methods of psychotherapy were applied:

The first group received only medications.

The second group received drug treatment in combination with cognitive-behavioral therapy.

The third group, in addition to psychotropic drugs, underwent a course of integrative psychotherapy.

As the results of the study showed, the most effective results were obtained by the group taking drug treatment in combination with one of the types of therapy (about 75% of patients from the second and third groups). Whereas treatment with only pharmacotherapy did not bring proper results. Less than half of the group were able to feel like completely healthy people and avoid relapses for a long period of time. Thus, specialists from the Research Institute of Psychiatry were able to prove the need for both drug treatment and the necessary therapy, which is selected purely individually for each patient.

Scale and anxiety attacks

To more conveniently determine the severity of the disease, a special test was developed. This is a special scale of severity of panic disorder, created so that everyone can determine the level of their panic disorder with the help of simple questions. In accordance with the results of the test, a person himself, without the help of specialists, will be able to determine the severity of his condition.

Is it possible to defeat the disease on your own

Often, patients try to cope with panic disorder on their own. Sometimes relatives or even not very competent doctors help them in this, giving advice: “Pull yourself together” or “Ignore”. Remember that this approach is completely wrong. The sooner the patient seeks help from a specialist, the faster he will achieve normalization of the condition. The patient may use some techniques on his own, take medicinal herbs to calm the nervous system, or fight, for example, bad habits in order to help himself, but the main treatment must be carried out under the guidance of a professional. To date, the choice of specialists in the treatment of anxiety disorders is huge, it can be a nearby clinic or mental health center, the main thing is to take the first step and start treatment.

Help yourself with panic attacks

Helping yourself during an attack is quite real, because it all starts with our thoughts. It happens something like this: having got into a frightening situation, a person thinks: “Well, there are so many people here (few people, closed / open space ...) now I will feel bad, I will fall (I will die, I will suffocate, I will run away, I will start hysterical ... ) and everyone will look at me. Something like this, a person accelerates his negative thoughts to catastrophic proportions, and after a while he really starts to feel bad, without even thinking about the fact that he himself provoked an attack. Indeed, from the very beginning, he is led by anxiety and fear, and it is from them that one must try to switch his attention.

Breath. By learning to control your breathing, you can control an attack. In a relaxed state, human breathing is calm, deep and unhurried. In a state of stress, it becomes much more frequent, becomes superficial and fast. When an attack approaches, try to control it, make sure that it remains deep and measured, in this case you will be able to significantly reduce the symptoms of a panic attack, or avoid it altogether.

Relaxation. It has the same effect as breathing regulation. If you remain relaxed, the attack will not start. Learn to relax your muscles as needed, you can find many special techniques on the Internet.

These simple self-help methods will only help relieve attacks, but not the disease. Therefore, at the first symptoms, do not hesitate, be sure to contact a specialist in a mental health center for qualified help. Only a properly selected course of treatment will help you get rid of the disease and again feel the joy of life. Anxiety disorder is completely manageable.

- I want to marry you. As soon as we meet.
- Why is it so soon?
- To make you feel protected.

A young man of twenty-six immediately, without hesitation, gives an accurate and psychologically correct answer, correct from the point of view of the female unconscious psyche. I thought. Not only does he initiate a conversation on this topic, but also, not having the slightest psychological knowledge, with his answer penetrates directly into the essence of the female psyche, promising in a word exactly what we, women, need so much.

Maybe you consider yourself a strong woman who does not need male protection? Are you sure about that? I’m sure that you simply position yourself this way, but you don’t feel it at all. In your inner feelings, you are different, perhaps just disappointed in men.

Why am I so sure? Because I know one interesting aspect that relates directly to female nature. For example, the fact that a woman is a being who receives everything from nature through a man. In the modern world, this is not very noticeable, because now many women are independent enough to provide for themselves and their children financially, without resorting to the help of a man.

But, nevertheless, female nature is completely opposite to male and it contains the principle of receiving from nature through a man. This mechanism is arranged in such a way that a man is initially provided with a woman's desire, sexual attraction to her as a source of sexual pleasure. But in order to get such pleasure, one had to try, that is, to provide a woman and possible future offspring financially. On other conditions, without material support, a woman, whose nature is set to endure, give birth and raise offspring (and this is a rather long and many-year process), did not make physical contact. Therefore, a man was created psychologically as a giving being, starting with an ejaculate and ending with a “mammoth with bananas”.

Women's psychic nature was originally created differently - as receiving through a man. That is why one can so often hear from women a seemingly absolutely stupid statement regarding men: "Anyone, as long as he's there". The nature of such sensations is simple - even next to "whatever" man, the female psyche feels protected and calm.

"I want you to feel secure."

It was from this phrase that this young Spaniard (I immediately called him Hidalgo to myself) aroused my special interest in myself. Because I understood that in it he unconsciously expressed the basic rules for the existence of the female world and this whole world as a whole. But is it possible that such a young person without a special psychological system education would understand so clearly what I understand, having special knowledge, I? Of course not. Then what's the matter?

I think it's worth considering the fact that people always talk about themselves, expressing their shortcomings in words. It turns out that the guy with this uncomplicated phrase is talking about himself.

"I want you to feel protected - I want to be protected myself."

Because all we really want from this life is to feel confident in the future. Confidence and security.

In childhood, while we were not yet grown up, our parents had to provide this for us. In adulthood, it is a state, a social structure in which everyone is not a wolf for everyone, but a comrade and brother, which means help and support.

Adult security is an almost illusory feeling, now almost universally absent. But if you, the reader, like me, are from the last century, if you managed to catch at least the edge of that passing era, which we usually treat differently, ambiguously, from praise to heaven to swearing at her, what is the light on (and I mean the Soviet era), then you should be familiar with the feeling of security and confidence in the future, which I am talking about now. A sense of security and confidence in the future, which now does not exist at all, which ended with the past Soviet era.

I remember those times well enough. I remember how, while listening to world news, my soul would fill with horror in front of this huge alien outside world, immersed in continuous crime and captured by greed and violence. But the most terrible feeling was because “there” everyone is a wolf to each other. You say propaganda? Yes, of course, this is true, because at that time our large country was provided with borders tightly closed from external enemies and an ideology and propaganda different from others. But besides all this, such a device and the corresponding ideology ensured what is usually called mutual assistance in society.

At that time, it was impossible to imagine that you could remain hungry, that you would not be able to feed your children, that you would be abandoned and useless in old age or in case of illness. The whole society was permeated with the spirit of mutual aid, and this fact cannot be denied. It is precisely this common unifying spirit (our one-for-all urethral mentality, complementary to the anal phase of the development of society that took place at that time), it is this sense of security experienced in that era that causes our today's nostalgia for past times.

Not everyone, of course, lived comfortably in such a country. Skin people, with their isolation and separateness from other people, with their innate desire to obtain their own benefit through entrepreneurship, were not able to fully adapt and realize themselves in this general environment aimed at universal return. Sound had a hard time with its own separate vision of the world, which could not bear any external pressure. Yes, and a social structure of this kind, let's face it, was not natural. It was premature, artificially maintained, but nevertheless it was one of the models of the future urethral world order tested by nature.

What we are experiencing now, thrown by natural social processes from the anal phase of the development of society into the skin phase, is the opposite of the past era, a feeling of absolute personal insecurity and uncertainty about the future. It is experienced, by the way, not only by our, formerly Soviet, society, but by the rest of the world, including the Western world. It's just that all these sensations are most acute in us because of our natural opposition to the new skin phase of the development of society.

Everyone feels insecure and insecure. Even a lot of money is not able to bring to a person a sense of security, which is so necessary for him for happiness, by the environment in the psychologically aggressive and unbalanced world around him.

This, in part, is what the phrase said by a very rich young Spaniard says. The fact that a person wants protection and is looking for another person, a couple who can be trusted and next to whom you can not be afraid of tomorrow. But this is still an illusion. Alone or together, it is impossible to defend against the threats of this aggressive world. Just as it is impossible to be happy alone in an unhappy world.

How to overcome the feeling of helplessness?

Feeling helpless- a very unpleasant feeling. For emotional people who can cry for hours, experiencing a moment of their own helplessness can be an extremely serious shock.

Feeling helpless maybe stronger than us, because in early childhood, we were really helpless. In those moments when fear takes possession of us, it is difficult to understand that we are already adults and are no longer as helpless as we were in childhood.

Feeling helpless is a feeling we try to avoid. Since childhood, each of us has a fear of being powerless in front of external circumstances. This fear can cause a desire to control the unwanted actions of another person so that these actions do not hurt our ego.

How do you react when you feel helpless over other people's choices?

Do you get irritated and annoy other people?
Are you testing and judging other people?
Do you sink to the point that you take on the role of a victim and whine?
Explain and defend your position? Do you lecture people and teach them how to live?
Shutting yourself off from people and giving up your positive feelings for them?
Do you admit that for the sake of the desires of other people?
Do you go into resistance, doing the opposite of what others want you to do?

Why? What do you hope for when you engage in these protective and controlling behaviors?

Are you hoping to convince the other person to change?
Do you hope to avoid the pain that your own helplessness can cause you? Are you hoping to avoid feelings of loneliness and frustration that another person's "inappropriate" choice can lead you to?
Do you hope you will by "drowning out" the emotions of anxiety and panic?

When the act of another person makes us feeling of helplessness, loneliness or disappointment, we feel the need for a sense of security. We satisfy this need by controlling how the other person treats us and by trying not to be upset about what happened.

Another variant

The other option is very difficult for most of us. This option fully confirms that we, ultimately, have absolutely no control over the behavior of other people.

What would you do differently if you accepted this fact? How would you do it then?

I deliberately infuse deep compassion for myself, and this helps me cope with feelings of helplessness. I hate feeling of helplessness, like any other person, and I cannot say that I always succeed successfully. At times, when other people's behavior is extremely painful for me, I still succumb to childish panic and try to control the other person's behavior so that it does not hurt my feelings. I find it hard not to react when someone crosses the line, threatens to do so, or betrays my trust. But I also know how important it is to keep working in any case.

Once I understand that I am reacting to the other person's unacceptable behavior, I deliberately immerse myself in compassion for myself and lovingly help my inner child through the pain of loneliness and disappointment. I surround myself with the warmth and strength of my spirit guides and thus am not left alone with destructive feelings.

In that moment, I lovingly let go of the situation. I usually feel so desperate that I need to be alone and cry. Tears help to throw out negative energy in a natural way, so I do not dwell on the unpleasant moments of my life. Sometimes I feel angry and work on it. As a result, I fully accept that I cannot control the behavior of other people.

Constant conflicts, fighting injustice, disconnection from other people are the result of the fact that you cannot accept your own helplessness in front of other people. Take a moment to reflect on the importance of relationships in your life. Is there constant conflict and/or disconnection with other people in your life? Is this the result of your rejection of your own helplessness and unwillingness to go through unpleasant moments? You can learn to manage your feelings rather than keep trying to avoid them in ways that only create relationship problems.

A PHOTO Getty Images

Both low-income people and millionaires can put material values at the forefront. But they are all driven by an unmet need for security, argues materialist psychologist Tim Kasser 1 . He uses the term "materialism" not in the usual sense of "the doctrine of the primacy of matter", but in the sense of "priority of material goods". This can be seen both as a symptom of inner self-doubt and as a coping strategy (albeit not always effective) used by those who are trying to get rid of the painful feeling of anxiety.

What creates a sense of insecurity?

Family parenting style

A number of psychological studies, including Tim Kasser's own research, confirm that a less caring and attentive parenting style causes a child to experience self-doubt and pursue materialistic goals in later life.

Parents of overly materialistic teenagers share three characteristics:

overly control their children, if not treat them like property, being convinced that they are unable to take care of themselves;

if a child misbehaves, harsh penalties are applied;

behave inconsistently: rules and punishments are used by them without any system understandable to the child.

In general, these parents do not make every effort to ensure that their children feel secure and self-sufficient. And those, in turn, begin to pursue material goals, believing that it is their achievement that will help them receive the much-desired approval.

Parental status

It is generally accepted that the richer the parents, the more self-serving the child, since children from wealthy families have everything they can wish for, and at the same time they want even more. However, research shows that this is not the case. When a child is not sure that he will be fed dinner tomorrow, that he will have a roof over his head, and that he can safely go out without fear, this often leads to a chronic feeling of insecurity. This feeling can last a lifetime, and even if the financial situation stabilizes, it still manifests itself in clear materialistic tendencies.

Divorce of parents

Research by Aric Rindfleisch and colleagues has shown that a child usually receives less love and care as a result of a divorce. Trying to fill this gap and feel safe, protected and connected with the close ties around them, children begin to actively pursue materialistic goals, believing that wealth will provide them with this.

Women looking for rich men

Is the statement true: “A woman needs four animals in her life: a mink in the closet, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed and a donkey who will pay for it all”? This well-known cliche is confirmed by dozens of psychological studies conducted in different countries, writes Tim Kasser. When respondents are asked what characteristics they would like to see in a partner, women are much more likely than men to prefer wealth, ambition, and high status.

Research by Tim Kasser and Yadika Sharma shows that where women are less likely to be educated, they are less confident that they can provide for themselves; feeling insecure, they approach their choice of partner from a more materialistic standpoint 3 .

Insecurity and low self-esteem

As already mentioned, materialists often grow up in families with a rigid parenting style. Such an environment usually negatively affects a person's self-esteem. Not surprisingly, materialistic values are often combined with low self-esteem. If such a person achieves his goals - makes a career, earns a million, he has positive feelings for himself. But, alas, they are short-lived, and his self-esteem is unstable. Soon he will face new challenges and threats that can easily "drop" his self-esteem. This is the so-called conditional self-esteem, which depends on external factors such as money, status, admiration of others.