Shevchenko's sermon on covenant relationships. Christian Sermons Online

Marriage - what does it really represent? His main secret is in love. It is no coincidence that so much is written about it in the Bible, and it is not for nothing that we talk so much about this all-encompassing feeling. The family is also inseparable from love, like the body from the soul. The first cannot exist without the second.

The main concern of a person is to be sure that he is loved. The basic need of a child who is constantly looking for parental love is the confidence that he is not a biological accident, that he is needed, that he was expected. He just needs to feel and know that he was desired even before his conception and birth. One day, one man shared his bitter conclusion, which he came to, counting the years between the birth of children in his family: "Probably, they didn't expect me after all ...". The very thought of being rejected, that he was not a child to be looked forward to, leads to secret fear. And on the contrary, the realization that he is the desired object, on which they wanted to pour their most tender feelings, occupies an important place in the heart of a person.

When a girl marries, she is given over to the power and command of a man whom she did not know before, and it is very important for her to be sure that she is loved. Not without reason, the most beautiful and happy memories belong to the period of premarital relationships. It is then that a man tries to take possession of the heart of his girlfriend. The virtues of the beloved rise to the proper, high level, where only she, like a star, shines in the center of his full attention. The Song of Songs says:
"As a lily among thorns, my beloved is among maidens." PP.2:2

Of course, there are girls, women even more beautiful than his beloved. But love singles out its object, and then the entire flow of tenderness and passion, sexual energy, is directed to one person. The girl, under the influence of such an abundance of feelings, agrees to marry. It is love that affirms, convinces and certifies the girl that she is loved, unique and irreplaceable. It is enough for a married woman to let into her mind the thought - a bacterium that she is replaceable - for this to lead to a serious crack in the foundation of the family. Even a half-joking conversation about divorce and the possibility of remarriage, allowed by a married couple, becomes the cause of a harmful infection for the family, when the destructive thought that he is no longer in the foreground enters the heart of one of the spouses.

A woman's self-affirmation lies precisely in her husband. Not even in God. The Bible definitely says:

"Christ is the head of the husband, the husband is the head of the wife." 1 Cor. 11:3

It is also written that God created a wife from Adam and brought her to Adam. A girl comes to her husband, wanting to know that she will always be loved and needed by him. Today, the feminist movement in society is intensively and persistently developing the idea that a woman is absolutely equal to a man. That she is self-sufficient. Her intelligence, career and earnings may even be higher than men's. Of course, all this can be, except for one thing - happiness. No matter how she asserts herself in society, no matter how many fans she has, no matter how much admiration for her figure, mind and everything else, her life will not be complete without a husband who needs her.

Features of a covenant relationship

The covenant cannot be collective. The covenant is a secret. This is an agreement and harmony of two. When a man and a woman enter into a marriage covenant, they enter into the realm where it is written:
"The husband has no power over his body, but the wife, and the wife has no power over her body, but the husband." 1 Cor. 7:4

This means that these two give each of themselves into the power of each other.
The dignity of a married woman in her status is that she is married. Despite the strong love of God, the dignity of a woman is greatly reduced if her husband stops loving her. It takes a lot of effort for a woman not to break down in such a situation. On a spiritual level, where God's love holds her, she will survive, but on a spiritual, emotional level, the loss of love and respect from her husband is sure to hurt her. Without having approval in her own spouse, it is impossible for a woman to assert herself.
"For the husband is not from the wife, but the wife is from the husband." 1 Cor. 11:8

The phrase "wife from husband" implies that the husband was created first. He is the glory of God and his head is Christ. Despite the fact that Eve sinned first and led her husband to this, God demanded an explanation from Adam, as from the head. The husband is taken from God, he is the image and glory of God, and the wife is the glory of the husband. Therefore, the affirmation of man cannot be in woman, but exclusively in God.

family hierarchy

"And the husband was not made for the wife, but the wife for the husband." 1 Corinthians 11:9

The question of hierarchy is inevitable. When a wife does not recognize male power over her, she thereby breaks the entire backbone of the family. It happens that women say: "Who needs to please more, people or God"? But the right to disobey a husband is acceptable only in case of outright male disobedience and contempt, in relation to the Holy Scriptures and God.
"Therefore, a woman must have on her head a sign of authority over her, for the angels." 1 Corinthians 11:10

The sphere of power is vast. For example, the presence of power in the state is mandatory, although outwardly invisible, with the exception of rare cases of forced use of law enforcement agencies. Basically, power refers to the presence of spiritual authority. There is no need to exercise authority when its existence and obedience to it are indisputable. It is the same in the family - there is no need to exercise power over a woman who recognizes the authority of her husband. Once, a Roman centurion said, "The word is enough," meaning that the word has power over the subordinate, even without the use of physical force. The principle and strength of the centurion's power is in his obedience. After all, the centurion, although the chief himself, is also a subordinate person, and the subordination of the soldiers to him depends on his obedience to his leadership. Similarly, the wife's obedience to her husband depends on the husband's obedience to God. A common problem for married men is their personal disobedience to God. Attempts to establish power in the family with the help of screams, threats and fists of the husband, who himself does not recognize the supreme power over himself, are ultimately unsuccessful.

When a wife recognizes her husband's power over herself, she is in submission, where the rank is the root word, which is desirable to emphasize. God gave the husband the rank of head, and the woman, who is in subjection, is firmly established. In addition, by her obedience to her husband, she releases the power of angels who:
"...they are ministering spirits sent to serve those who have to inherit salvation." Heb.1:14

There is an opinion that God controls the angels. That's right, but they don't serve Him. He, who gives breath and life to everything, commanded the angels to protect us, people, in all our ways. "The sign of power over her, for the Angels" is her obedience to her husband. Service spirits are at the service of a woman who is in submission. The prayers of such a woman do not go unanswered, and the power of her words does not lie in the wealth of the intellect or in the use of physical force. Her children are obedient to her, because she also recognizes the power of her husband over herself.

Me or us?

A modern woman is trying to assert herself outside her husband. It does not matter in what field her success is achieved, if there is no respect in her own home, then any of her achievements are just a seduction.
"For whoever does not know how to manage his own house, will he care about the Church of God?" 1 Tim.3:5

A well-known speaker from one of the larger churches, Paula White, has announced her divorce from her husband. According to her, the reason for the divorce was the difference in their ministries and this makes the unity of the family impossible. I would like to ask, did God, who combined people, give them such different ministries that they are not able to be together? In other words, this woman blamed the Creator for her divorce. It is hardly possible to call successful the ministry of a person who has collapsed in the family! It is better to leave the ministry in the name of family restoration. It is hard and painful to imagine, but not the world, but spiritual leaders discredit the integrity and inviolability of marriage. Often it is their mentoring books and various, sometimes even strange, conclusions that drive a wedge into the family. Can the ministry really be so big that the husband and wife are cramped, like Lot and Abraham, and because of this they have to sacrifice their families?

When a married woman tries to gain recognition or her own significance outside of marriage, she thereby separates herself from a single whole, from the pronoun "we". And no matter what the main motives for such behavior are, any feeding of ambition, one's "I", outside one's own husband, leads to undermining the strength of the family.

Glory to the wife

The glory of a wife is in her husband. The book of Esther tells that Artaxerxes, the most powerful king of that time, who ruled over one hundred and twenty-seven regions, made a feast. There he wanted to glorify his wife - a woman who became a queen, only thanks to the choice of her husband, the great king. Some women today criticize Artaxerxes: "Wow, what is she a thing to show?" Only, it is hardly unpleasant for a wife when her husband boasts of her, wanting to emphasize her beauty and originality. But, Queen Vashti made a separate women's feast. No matter how annoying it is to admit, but often a woman who understands that she should be under power wants "freedom". Any person or even nation wants to overthrow the power that prevails over him, because initially, each of us has a thirst for independence. A woman has more ambition than a man, and she wants to prove that she is equal to a man, or even better than him. What affirms the modern woman? Abilities, appearance, permissiveness, thanks to which she is in demand. If a man is looking for physical, intimate satisfaction, then a woman needs self-affirmation at the level of the soul, and by providing various services to a man, she is convinced of her own significance and importance.

Vashti gathered women for a separate pastime, and suddenly she is called to the king, because he wants to show her at his male feast. By refusing, the queen incurred the wrath of the king:
"And the king became very angry, and his fury flared up in him. And the king said to the wise men, who knew the old times - for the king's deeds were done before all those who knew the law and rights, -
close to him then were: Karshena, Shefar, Admafa, Tarsis, Meres, Marsena, Memukhan - the seven princes of Persian and Media, who could see the face of the king and sat first in the kingdom: how to act according to the law with Queen Vashti because she did not do according to the word of King Artaxerxes, announced through the eunuchs? And Memuchan said before the king and the princes: Queen Vashti is not guilty before the king alone, but before all the princes and before all the nations that are in all the regions of King Artaxerxes; "Esther 1 Ch. 13-16 Art.

Husband and wife have their own territory of influence. It depends on the position they are in. The territory of influence of an ordinary family is children. With the advent of grandchildren, kinship becomes such a territory. The family problems of grandparents most directly affect their subsequent generations. The Bible says that a generational curse can last until the third or fourth generation, as long as the ancestors are alive. As a grandmother treats her grandfather, so the daughter, looking at the behavior of her mother, will act with her husband.

"because the act of the queen will reach all the wives, and they will neglect their husbands and say: King Artaxerxes ordered to bring Queen Vashti before his face, but she did not go. Now the princesses of Persia and Media, who will hear about the act of the queen, will say the same to all the princes of the king, and there will be enough disdain and grief. will give another that is better than her." Esther 1:17-19

Law and obedience

Basically, politics is a dirty business. If any president agrees to issue such a decree in order to avoid a rebellion in his state, then in the depths of his soul he understands that these are pure conventions for external, everyone else, with the exception of himself. Those. the monarch cannot be subordinate. But the bottom line is that any law in the kingdom must be above the king. The kingdom will endure when the ruler first obeys his decree, because the law is weakened by the flesh. If the first person in the state violates the law, then it is not surprising that his subordinates will begin to neglect the same law. The throne of the king, or the kingdom of a man in the house, is established not by the size of the army or cunning politics, but by truth and judgment. A husband who acts justly before God and obeys God's laws has a positive effect on his wife, children, and those around him. Artaxerxes' kingdom was strong precisely because he did not want to play by the rules of politics. He understood that laws are issued for everyone, without exception.

As much as Artaxerxes wanted to keep Vashti, he knew that relationships had a price. Otherwise, some people get away with everything, thereby spreading negative influence over the entire territory of authority. Yes, you can make an exception and close your eyes to the act of the queen, but ... What do you prefer, relationships or law? The advice of a person close to the king was based on the same principle:
"If it pleases the king, let a royal decree come out of him and fit into the Persian and Median laws and not be canceled, that Vashti will not enter before the face of King Artaxerxes, and the king will transfer her royal dignity to another who is better than her."
The king had the right to dispose of the dignity of the queen, and by her disobedience she only achieved that: "... the king will transfer her royal dignity to another who is better than her.
20 When they hear about this ordinance of the king, which will be distributed throughout all his kingdom, no matter how great it is, then all women will honor their husbands, from great to small.
21 And this word was pleasing in the eyes of the king and princes; and the king did according to the word of Memuchan.
22 And he sent letters into all the provinces of the king, written in every province in her writing, and to every people in his own language, that every man should be master in his house, and that it might be announced to every man in his natural language." Esther 1:19-22 .

This is the secret of the strength of the kingdom of Artaxerxes. Kingdom means the ability to organize a controlled territory. A real king is not the one who takes taxes and asserts himself at the expense of his power and might. A real king is not a monarch, but a servant of his people. Perhaps Artaxerxes would have reconciled with Vashti, but he calculated the possible consequences and preferred to leave.

The source of a married woman's dignity depends on the man who chooses her as his wife. The source of a man's dignity is in God, in his vocation, but not in a woman. The problem of many families is that if a wife is able to obey her husband, because it is a visible and tangible image, then it is much more difficult for a man to build a relationship with God. No matter how rich a man is, or no matter how beautiful his wife, he cannot be happy if his source is not in God. He did not take place if he did not establish himself in the work to which his Creator called him. And it is enough for a woman to be married to a successful doctor, artist, scientist, just for the sake of the fact that he is approved in his vocation.

Sexual passion or attraction to a husband

Sexual passion or attraction for a husband is another important aspect in a family. Complete physical satisfaction, or surrender to the power of a spouse, occurs only as a result of a covenant relationship. The great mystery of marriage is that two become one flesh. The more secrets, the more the heart beats. The more intimacy unspent on others, the greater the attraction to each other in the relationship of the spouses. A person is interesting not with his body, but with his passion. The question is not in the sexual act itself, it is in the energy of striving for each other. The problem of modernity is that a person tries to kindle his passion at the expense of compliments or lustful looks from other people. There should be secrecy in a marriage, and no one should know what goes on in the matrimonial bedroom. A.S. Pushkin, in one of his letters to his wife, wrote: "No one should know what can happen between us. No one should be taken into our bedroom. There is no family life without a secret." He probably understood that the secrecy of marriage causes the desire of one for the other. If a woman or a man endures the secret of his marital bed, the source of intimate desire will dry up. The spirit of fornication can manifest itself in various forms, for example, when a woman puts on a deep cleavage, with the idea of being noticed by someone other than her husband, and thereby convinced of her attractiveness.

In his parables, Solomon draws attention to the following case:
"6 Behold, one day I looked out the window of my house, through my bars,
7 And I saw among the inexperienced, I noticed among the young people a foolish youth,
8 crossing the square near her corner, and walking along the road to her house,
9 at dusk in the evening of the day, in the darkness of the night and in the gloom.
10 And behold, a woman met him, dressed as a prostitute, with a deceitful heart,
11 noisy and unbridled;" PR.7:6-11

The jokes of a slutty woman are dirty, she is not ashamed to look into the eyes of a strange man, hint, or openly speak obscenities. By this she excites both herself and the one she wants to seduce.
"... her feet do not live in her house:
12 now in the street, now in the squares, and at every corner she builds coves.
13 She grabbed him, kissed him, and with a shameless face said to him:
14 "The peace offering is with me: today I have made my vows;
15 Therefore I went out to meet you, to look for you, and I found you;
16 with rugs I have made my bed, with multi-coloured Egyptian cloths;
17 She perfumed my bedroom with myrrh, scarlet, and cinnamon; PR 7:12-17

It is unlikely that she also spends interesting and passionate time with her spouse. She neglects the wisdom of a married woman, although she has a husband in whom she can establish herself internally. But she thinks that she will awaken intimacy in herself at the expense of someone else's man. And when her husband comes home, she will also be passionately sexy. But such a woman kindles herself not as a husband. She is unfaithful, her feet do not live in her house.
"18 come in, we will revel in tenderness until the morning, enjoy love,
19 because the husband is not at home: he went on a long journey; "PR.11:18-19

She, without any remorse, frankly admits that she is not only a married woman, but also an unfaithful wife. Not only is she not ashamed to admit it, but she also has an intriguing interest in cheating, because stolen water is sweet. Thinking that in this way more eroticism can be achieved, a woman is mistaken. Because in fact, she squanders it, which in the end will lead to exhaustion. Her marriage will cease to be interesting in the intimate sense of the word. Even if a woman does not openly fall into fornication, but is mentally unfaithful, nourishing her sexuality at the expense of the glances of other men, or a man stares at other, strange women - they partially satisfy themselves intimately, with fantasies, thoughts, and the like, but thereby lose their secret power marriage.

motherhood instinct

The instinct of motherhood is something that also needs to be understood. The fact that a wife is taken from her husband means that a woman, unlike a man, is psychologically disposed to accept. Often a man and a woman are trying to equalize. But if you take it as a percentage, the wife cannot devote herself to her husband in the way that the husband wants and must give himself to her. If a man has a desire to enrich and own someone in order to please, then a woman has a desire to belong and receive. She was brought to her husband so that he could love her.

But why does a healthy, married woman have an obligatory, deep desire to have a child? Because there is that part of her nature that she never realizes, no matter how much she loves her husband. Part of her nature remains sealed and unclaimed. According to M. Monroe, a woman is a person with a womb. At the level of the spirit, she is equal to a man, because the spirit is not male or female, but at the spiritual and physiological level, the female nature is different from the male nature. Adam was made in the image of God, and Eve in the image of Adam. The wife receives love from her husband and returns it to him, that is, she cannot be the primary source of this feeling. When a girl first shows love to a man, something breaks logically. A woman has the right only to reciprocal feelings. It is like the moon, which itself has no temperature. It has no energy or light. The sun is shining. The moon is a reflection of the sun's rays. A wife is capable of reciprocity only to the extent of the love that she herself receives. She collects all her reserves of love from her husband - how much he has invested in her, she will receive so much back. It happens that a husband demands more from his wife than he himself gave her. He simply does not understand that such claims of his are impossible - after all, she cannot give what she herself does not have. But the husband is not the primary source of love either - it appears in him as a result of communication with God, Who is its true beginning.

The problem of love is not so much in being loved as in loving yourself. Therefore, a woman needs her personal, precious object to express her most tender feelings. Here she already acts as a source of love, therefore she needs a child, the fruit of her own womb. She herself will give him, and not return, as her husband, the feelings accumulated in her. A born child is a unique creation in which there is a particle of her and her husband. That's when the fullness of a married woman comes. Then she can not only be loved, but also surround her creation with love, care and protection.

The calling of a woman

In the Bible, a woman is called a helper to her husband. In other words, it enters into his work. A husband in his calling is not considered without a wife in context. They are one flesh, and there are no separate missions - for him and for her, there is a calling for a family. Of course, a woman can engage in a separate ministry, but it should not be in sharp contrast to what her husband does. The difference between a man and a woman in marriage is that the husband is responsible for revelation. The husband receives from God a revelation about the house, about the family, and the wife is his helper in their common cause:
"18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." Gen. 2:18

The Creator, considering woman as a helper, gave her a calling to help. Every married woman has the ability to help her husband. She can be interested in his affairs, surround him with care, attention, and pray for him. If a husband himself asserts himself in his ministry: in business, work, and does not initiate his wife into it, he deprives her of performing a very important function in her calling, because she is not involved in his "male" affairs. Family service or business should be done with the wife. How much pain women inflicted on their husbands just because they did not know and did not expect their workload and difficulties in the business sphere. When a man tries to tell his wife about his problems, he often runs into a wall of misunderstanding and indifference. But in the covenant there are no problems of only one half, in the covenant they are common. It is very important when a woman is involved in her husband's affairs, because she has God's anointing of cooperation. When a wife is imbued with the needs of her husband, his problems, some disturbances in the ministry, God acts through her, helping and prompting. However, a man is arranged in such a way that no matter what reasonable advice his wife gives him, he again needs to receive from God an inner confirmation of her rightness. And the point here is not at all in male stubbornness, it is in the principle of obtaining a testimony from his Head: should he listen to the voice of his wife or not? Despite the fact that Sarah gave Abraham good advice, he did not react to it until God told him, "Listen to the words of Sarah."

"Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord."

The Apostle Paul calls the word of God a sword, sharp on both sides, and speaks of it as incorruptible, enduring forever. King David finds the word a lamp to the feet and a light to the path. The author of the epistle to the Hebrews sees the word of God as living and active, penetrating to the division of soul and spirit, judging the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

Thanks to the gift of human speech, we can communicate with each other. However, if we do not learn to build relationships with the people around us, we will end up lonely as a result. The believer is given the great privilege of having fellowship in Christ. The Apostle Paul calls this fellowship the sacrifice of fellowship. But why sacrifice? After all, a victim is something difficult, and if you look from the outside, it seems that it is easy to communicate: talk about common interests, joke. But fellowship in the worldly sense and fellowship from God's point of view are exactly the opposite. When Scripture teaches us to share, it really must be sacrifice. In communication, a person tends to talk about himself or about what interests him. Usually everything revolves around your "I". Often we don’t even ask the interlocutor what and how he has, and when he speaks, sometimes we don’t listen, we interrupt to insert our own. You still need to see this, and when you see it, start correcting it in order to put the interlocutor ahead of yourself. Oh, how difficult it is for a carnal person! And here an effort is needed, because sociability is an attribute of the Kingdom of Heaven: I am learning to listen, to understand, I arouse compassion in my heart, I try to move my own. It's work, it's a fight, it's not easy. But the Lord wants the commandment to honor another above ourselves to be fulfilled by us.

Scripture teaches that every word that comes out of our mouths should bring grace to those who hear it. It's a service because my interests take a backseat. Many people are offended that they do not have friends. But there is nothing surprising if our "I" pushes everyone away. When I do not consider anyone, I am not interested in the life of another, but it is interesting to talk only about myself, then how can I communicate with others? In doing so, I deprive myself of sociability and remain lonely.

Fellowship is a blessing found in Jesus Christ. It enriches us with many friends and makes us happy people. We often fail to do so. But what is the secret of successful relationships between people? After all, we feel that this is very important in our life.

Who was the Samaritan who showed mercy to the dying man by the roadside? And who was this dying man? There are many different understandings, but it is clear that this parable calls us to have a merciful heart, and we know well that this does not happen by itself. Here are the Pharisees, they led a holy life according to the law and made sure that Christ did not heal on the Sabbath. They did not care about the suffering of people, and when Jesus directly pointed it out to them, they did not hear Him. The fact that a woman of 18 years old was hunched did not touch them, and the fact that she was able to straighten up under the influence of the love and power of God did not please them, and what they considered a violation of the Sabbath infuriated them. They did not even think that the law does not forbid doing good on any day.

And when they told their father and mother that what they could help them with, they bring as a gift to God? If a person thinks that God needs such a gift, then he does not know God at all.

Jesus, denouncing the Pharisees of hardness of heart, pointed out that the most important thing in the law is judgment, mercy and faith (Matt. 23:23), and not external actions, to which they pay so much attention. Jesus directly told them: “Better give alms from what you have: then everything will be clean with you” (Luke 11:41). We see that, not having the right relationship with God, they were callous to their neighbors, cruel. People didn't care about them. We judge and despise the Pharisees, but don't we often act like them and even worse? These are images, examples for us, so that we apply all this to ourselves, and do not think: "Oh, what bad Pharisees."

Watching your heart is difficult. In our minds, theoretically, we can be sure that we love God, but it would be good to see how we treat people. The Apostle John writes: "Whoever says, 'I love God,' but hates his brother, is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he sees, how can he love God whom he does not see?" (1 John 4:20).

Thinking about communication, I have identified nine points, or moments, that reflect the most important problems in relationships between people. This is a difficult conversation, because what I'm going to talk about, it's even impossible to think that this is found among believers. We are not called to evaluate the relations in the world, but we must learn to understand what is happening in our own home. Basically, it's a matter of faith. Do we declare our faith or live by it? In this, everyone should check himself.

The first is the revenge of selfishness, when close people do each other to spite. Selfishness avenges itself. If a person considers himself a believer, he should know that pride is his fierce enemy. It happens that a son or daughter, growing up and getting out of the control of their parents, no longer afraid of punishment and having no respect, begin to take revenge and do everything out of spite. Here, of course, the fault of parents who did not raise their children in the spirit of Christ - they reap the benefits. From parents and demand more. But, as soon as such relations have grown, they must be learned to correct. For each one will give an account to God for himself. Although in this case, I repeat, the demand from children is different, because they are wounded, injured. If parents realize their wrong behavior late, it will take many years to correct the situation. Children no longer believe the words, and things are moving forward with difficulty. For each person, this is a serious break in order to change the stereotype of their behavior.

This should not be the case in believing families. We have the light, the word of God. If we do not listen to him, we do not live by him, then our corrupted nature takes over, we again crucify Christ, who died for us and forgave us our sins.

We need to learn to see our wrong behavior, not to be afraid to ask for forgiveness, although, at first, it humiliates us. But in Christ it brings joy, and fellowship can be restored. After all, it happens that in a bad mood we can push the child, say sharply or even shout, and the child will shrink and close. I am very afraid of such moments. When this happens to me, I go up to my son, look into his eyes and say: "Son, forgive me, please, I'm to blame." And I feel it thaw, the wall between us is crumbling. It was God who entered our relationship because I repented for my pride. And God enters into our relationship when we follow His word, because He is alive and loves us.

If we humiliate the pride of the child, do not consider him, he grows up internally distorted and, without even realizing it, begins to take revenge. He did not see Christ in us, and he had nowhere to learn the spirit of Christ. But if we repent, break our pride, the Lord will change us, and relationships can be restored.

The second point I would like to name is external treason, although it is external only in part. God has always sealed his relationship with man by covenant. Outwardly, this is the covenant of circumcision, water baptism. All Scripture says that God was constantly renewing His covenant with man, and man was constantly breaking it. But today we are not talking about this, although it is very important to understand that by breaking the covenant, a person becomes a traitor. Marriage is also a covenant. The Bible teaches: “What God has put together, let no man separate” (Matthew 19:6). Adultery is not just a fleeting relationship, it is a betrayal, a violation of the covenant. If this is not considered a crime in the state, then it is not so before God. We can fulfill this covenant, but we often do not fulfill it. Why? Not because we don’t want to, but because we think like this: “If Christ has done everything, then we don’t need to do anything, but only believe.” Let us ask in faith, and He will do everything. But for some reason he doesn't. And will not do for us. If we consider ourselves called, then we need to follow Him. He said, "Follow Me," and don't be idle.

External betrayal suggests that a person does not think about another person, but only about himself. Sometimes in a family it’s not even cheating with another person, but some kind of hobbies: sports, cars, TV. A man begins to serve his passion, and the Scripture says that a man cannot serve two masters, and that a man with double thoughts is not firm in all his ways. Any betrayal, even external, is a betrayal of God, a betrayal of love. A believer understands that love is always a sacrifice. She puts the interests of others first, not her own. The Apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthians: "Love does not seek its own" (1 Corinthians 13:5). It would be good for us to understand how serious this is.

The third is disobedience. What's this? Where did it come from, if we know that Christ, when he lived on earth, was always obedient to the Father? We all know, and the Bible tells about this, that it comes from the first people, Adam and Eve, who obeyed Satan and wanted to become like God, to know good and evil. God warned them that if they ate the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they would die. But they didn't listen. This disobedience was so terrible that Christ had to die on the cross in order to redeem man from the power of hell. Having concluded the Old Testament with man, God gave him rules and laws on how to act. But people could not fulfill them. Then God gave the New Testament in the blood of Jesus Christ. We can fulfill this covenant, but we still do not fulfill it. In ancient times, in the 10th century, there lived such a saint - Simeon the New Theologian. So he was expelled from the monastery because he preached that a person can live according to the Gospel.

Why should a wife be obedient to her husband? Why should a husband be obedient to Christ? And, note that he is commanded to love his wife, and not to command. What does it mean? We are perplexed, we are not satisfied with this. The apostle Peter wrote: “By obedience to the truth through the Spirit, having cleansed your souls to unfeigned brotherly love, love one another continually from a pure heart.” (1 Peter 1:22). We know that there is fear of punishment, there are elders and younger ones, and obedience is not some kind of new law, but a blessed command, because the basis of our obedience, as the apostle Peter teaches, should be love for God. This is what the first commandment says. And love of one's neighbor, the second commandment, is similar to the first. No one doubts that Christ, while living on earth, was absolutely obedient to his Father. Next comes a kind of hierarchy of obedience: husband, wife, children. This is what justice requires. If this ladder of obedience, subordination, reverence for superiors is broken, a person will not have the power to subjugate those below him. For example, if a wife is disobedient to her husband, she is unlikely to achieve obedience from her children. It is known that children look at how their parents act, and not at what they say. Also, we must not forget that obedience is by faith. Christ praised the faith of the Roman centurion when he said: “For I am also a subject man, but having warriors under my command, I say to one: “Go!”, And he goes; and to another: "Come!" and comes" (Mt. 8:9). This is a very important confession of faith: they are obedient to him because he himself is also obedient. Authority based on love and faith is the foundation of obedience.

The fourth thing I would like to note is treason of the heart, when a person's heart turns from love for God to the world. The apostle James calls such people adulterers: "Adulterers and adulterers! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity against God? (James 4:4). This is the inner position of a person. Perhaps no one sees this, but this position determines our behavior. In fact, it is treason. Christ teaches that it is impossible to love two people at the same time. Outwardly, we can do everything both at home and in church, but the heart is already given to something else.

The fifth is the search for profit. Everything in the world is built on the basis of mutual benefit. The concept of service in the biblical sense is absolutely absent there. The secular and biblical basis of the relationship is completely opposite. The world builds relationships on the basis of selfishness and selfishness, while God builds relationships on the basis of sacrifice, service and love. The world is not interested in man, he needs what he has. If he has nothing, the world throws him out. God does not need ours. Each of us is necessary to God as a person, a unique person. And there is no profit in this. God loves us, but between people there is an acute shortage of love, and this gives rise to a feeling of alienation, uselessness. This is how loneliness arises in the family, in the church. We have no desire, no time, and most importantly, we do not seek to listen to each other. Often we are not interested in listening even to a loved one, because we seem to have nothing from this. Then a loved one closes in on himself and becomes lonely. Loneliness is the biggest problem in the world today. However, if this occurs in the church, then this is a big problem. I would like this not to happen in the church, so that each of us, following the example of our Lord, would strive to serve. Jesus said: "... The Son of Man did not come to be served, but for the redemption of many" (Matthew 20:28). And the basis of everything is love. Once Napoleon Bonaparte said: "Neither I, nor Alexander the Great, no one could conquer people with the power of death and war, as Christ did with the power of love." Good words! If we will, like Christ, try to selflessly serve our neighbors and lay down our souls, then we will acquire both love and service.

The sixth thing I want to point out is the state of pessimism. Although, in truth, a believer should not be pessimistic, because the word of God says that we are called to always rejoice, be pious and contented. Pessimism is a disaster, because a person loses interest in life and becomes like the Bible says: "... you are neither cold nor hot, you are warm" (Rev. 3:15,16). The Lord strictly speaks of such a person that He will spew him out of His mouth. There is only one way out of this: to start serving.

The seventh point I would call so: the fear caused by love. Human fear is a negative feeling, and we have received not the spirit of fear, but of love. The apostle John writes that love casts out fear. Is it necessary to be afraid of God, husband? Oh sure. And I say this not because I myself am a husband and I demand that they fear me. I would not want my wife to be afraid of me. But there is a completely different kind of fear that is caused by love. This is the fear of losing someone you love more than yourself, more than your life (after all, that's what the first commandment says, and God wants us to love Him that way). Relationships are held together by the fear of loss, because the person you love is immensely dear to you. Therefore, the fear caused by love proves that this is true love.

I would point out the eighth point: the level of mutual trust. All relationships must be built on faith. This applies to both God and man. If suspicion or distrust creeps in, such a relationship will not stand. The Bible says about the wife that “the heart of the husband is sure of her”, and this is a positive assessment (Prov. 31:11). Faith, from which trust grows, is the key that opens hearts. This faith is given by love, because it is love that believes everything. The Apostle Paul directly says: “And now these three remain: faith, hope, love; but the love of them is greater" (1 Corinthians 13:13). When you believe that the will of God is the best for you, that God is not your enemy, but your friend, you trust Him. You lose fear and suspicion, you believe, even if it hurts. Job did not move with feelings, he said: "But I know my Redeemer lives" (Job 19:25). Paul said: "I know in whom I have believed" (2 Tim. 1:12), “... I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor the present, nor the future, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rom. 8:38-39). Please note: in the above places there is the word "I know". This is faith, confidence, born of love, she does not doubt, she is equal to solid knowledge.

The ninth point I want to call: "no more of that love" (John 15:13).

This expression belongs to Jesus Christ and fully sounds like this: “There is no greater love than if a man lays down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). This is the highest love, in which there is no selfishness. The Apostle Paul wrote: "Love does not seek its own" (1 Corinthians 13:4,5). Love forgets about itself, it dissolves in the near. It is in this kind of love that the meaning and joy of our life is contained. This is the kind of love that Jesus Christ loved us with. The Lord gave us an example of service. And, in fact, only service makes us happy.

May the Lord help us to see how He served people, and to serve as He served, giving ourselves completely. May the Lord melt our selfishness in His selfless love and mercy. Lord, loving You and our neighbor, as You commanded, giving ourselves to the service, we will never be alone!

Alexander Shevchenko, radio presenter
"Corner"
California,
USA

The main concern of a person is to be sure that he is loved. The basic need of a child who is constantly looking for parental love is the confidence that he is not a biological accident, that he is needed, that he was expected. He just needs to feel and know that he was desired even before his conception and birth. One day, one man shared his bitter conclusion, which he came to by counting the years between the birth of children in his family: “Probably, they didn’t expect me after all ...”. The very thought of being rejected, that he was not a child to be looked forward to, leads to secret fear. And on the contrary, the realization that he is the desired object, on which they wanted to pour their most tender feelings, occupies an important place in the heart of a person.

"As a lily among thorns, my beloved is among maidens." PP.2:2

A woman's self-affirmation lies precisely in her husband. Not even in God. The Bible definitely says:

“Christ is the head of the husband, the husband is the head of the wife.” 1 Cor. 11:3

Features of a covenant relationship

The covenant cannot be collective. The covenant is a secret. This is an agreement and harmony of two. When a man and a woman enter into a marriage covenant, they enter into the realm where it is written:
“The husband has no power over his body, but the wife, and the wife has no power over her body, but the husband.” 1 Cor. 7:4

This means that these two give each of themselves into the power of each other.
The dignity of a married woman in her status is that she is married. Despite the strong love of God, the dignity of a woman is greatly reduced if her husband stops loving her. It takes a lot of effort for a woman not to break down in such a situation. On a spiritual level, where God's love holds her, she will survive, but on a spiritual, emotional level, the loss of love and respect from her husband is sure to hurt her. Without having approval in her own spouse, it is impossible for a woman to assert herself.
“For the husband is not from the wife, but the wife is from the husband.” 1 Cor. 11:8

family hierarchy

"And the husband was not made for the wife, but the wife for the husband." 1 Corinthians 11:9

The question of hierarchy is inevitable. When a wife does not recognize male power over her, she thereby breaks the entire backbone of the family. It happens that women say: “Who needs to please more, people or God”? But the right to disobey a husband is acceptable only in case of outright male disobedience and contempt, in relation to the Holy Scriptures and God.
“Therefore, a woman must have on her head a sign of power over her, for the angels.” 1 Corinthians 11:10

The sphere of power is vast. For example, the presence of power in the state is mandatory, although outwardly invisible, with the exception of rare cases of forced use of law enforcement agencies. Basically, power refers to the presence of spiritual authority. There is no need to exercise authority when its existence and obedience to it are indisputable. It is the same in the family - there is no need to exercise power over a woman who recognizes the authority of her husband. One day, a Roman centurion said, "The word is enough," meaning that the word has power over the subordinate, even without the use of physical force. The principle and strength of the centurion's power is in his obedience. After all, the centurion, although the chief himself, is also a subordinate person, and the subordination of the soldiers to him depends on his obedience to his leadership. Similarly, the wife's obedience to her husband depends on the husband's obedience to God. A common problem for married men is their personal disobedience to God. Attempts to establish power in the family with the help of screams, threats and fists of the husband, who himself does not recognize the supreme power over himself, are ultimately unsuccessful.

There is an opinion that God controls the angels. That's right, but they don't serve Him. He, who gives breath and life to everything, commanded the angels to protect us, people, in all our ways. “A sign of power over her, for the Angels” is her obedience to her husband. Service spirits are at the service of a woman who is in submission. The prayers of such a woman do not go unanswered, and the power of her words does not lie in the wealth of the intellect or in the use of physical force. Her children are obedient to her, because she also recognizes the power of her husband over herself.

Me or us?

A modern woman is trying to assert herself outside her husband. It does not matter in what field her success is achieved, if there is no respect in her own home, then any of her achievements are just a seduction.
“For whoever does not know how to manage his own house, will he care about the Church of God?” 1 Tim.3:5

When a married woman tries to gain recognition or her own significance outside of marriage, she thereby separates herself from a single whole, from the pronoun "we". And no matter what the main motives for such behavior are, any feeding of ambition, one's "I", outside of one's own husband, leads to undermining the strength of the family.

Glory to the wife

The glory of a wife is in her husband. The book of Esther tells that Artaxerxes, the most powerful king of that time, who ruled over one hundred and twenty-seven regions, made a feast. There he wanted to glorify his wife - a woman who became a queen, only thanks to the choice of her husband, the great king. Some women, even today, criticize Artaxerxes: “Wow, what is she a thing to show her?” Only, it is hardly unpleasant for a wife when her husband boasts of her, wanting to emphasize her beauty and originality. But, Queen Vashti made a separate women's feast. No matter how annoying it is to admit, but often a woman who understands that she should be under power wants “freedom”. Any person or even nation wants to overthrow the power that prevails over him, because initially, each of us has a thirst for independence. A woman has more ambition than a man, and she wants to prove that she is equal to a man, or even better than him. What affirms the modern woman? Abilities, appearance, permissiveness, thanks to which she is in demand. If a man is looking for physical, intimate satisfaction, then a woman needs self-affirmation at the level of the soul, and by providing various services to a man, she is convinced of her own significance and importance.

Vashti gathered women for a separate pastime, and suddenly she is called to the king, because he wants to show her at his male feast. By refusing, the queen incurred the wrath of the king:
“And the king was very angry, and his fury was kindled in him. And the king said to the wise men, who knew the old days - for the works of the king were done before all those who knew the law and rights, -
close to him then were: Karshena, Shefar, Admafa, Tarshish, Meres, Marsena, Memukhan - seven princes of Persian and Media, who could see the face of the king and sat first in the kingdom: how to act according to the law with Queen Vashti because she did not do according to the word of King Artaxerxes, announced through the eunuchs? And Memuchan said before the king and the princes: Queen Vashti is not guilty before the king alone, but before all the princes and before all the nations that are in all the regions of King Artaxerxes; Esther 1 Ch. 13-16 Art.

“Because the act of the queen will reach all the wives, and they will neglect their husbands and say: King Artaxerxes ordered to bring Queen Vashti before his face, but she did not go. Now the princesses of Persia and Media, who hear about the act of the queen, will say the same to all the princes of the king; and neglect and grief will suffice. If it is pleasing to the king, let a royal decree come out of him and fit into the Persian and Median laws and not be canceled, that Vashti will not enter before the face of King Artaxerxes, and the king will transfer her royal dignity to another who is better than her. Esther 1:17-19

Law and obedience

As much as Artaxerxes wanted to keep Vashti, he knew that relationships had a price. Otherwise, some people get away with everything, thereby spreading negative influence over the entire territory of authority. Yes, you can make an exception and close your eyes to the act of the queen, but ... What do you prefer, relationships or law? The advice of a person close to the king was based on the same principle:
“If it is pleasing to the king, let a royal decree come out of him and fit into the Persian and Median laws and not be canceled, that Vashti will not enter before the face of King Artaxerxes, and the king will transfer her royal dignity to another who is better than her.”
The king had the right to dispose of the dignity of the queen, and by her disobedience she only achieved that: “... the king will transfer her royal dignity to another, who is better than her.
20 When they hear about this ordinance of the king, which will be distributed throughout all his kingdom, no matter how great it is, then all women will honor their husbands, from great to small.
21 And this word was pleasing in the eyes of the king and princes; and the king did according to the word of Memuchan.
22 And he sent letters into all the provinces of the king, written to every province in her letters, and to every people in their own language, that every man should be master of his house, and that it should be announced to everyone in his natural language. Esther 1:19-22.

Sexual passion or attraction to a husband

Sexual passion or attraction for a husband is another important aspect in a family. Complete physical satisfaction, or surrender to the power of a spouse, occurs only as a result of a covenant relationship. The great mystery of marriage is that two become one flesh. The more secrets, the more the heart beats. The more intimacy unspent on others, the greater the attraction to each other in the relationship of the spouses. A person is interesting not with his body, but with his passion. The question is not in the sexual act itself, it is in the energy of striving for each other. The problem of modernity is that a person tries to kindle his passion at the expense of compliments or lustful looks from other people. There should be secrecy in a marriage, and no one should know what goes on in the matrimonial bedroom. A.S. Pushkin, in one of his letters to his wife, wrote: “No one should know what can happen between us. No one is to be taken into our bedroom. Without mystery, there is no family life.” He probably understood that the secrecy of marriage causes the desire of one for the other. If a woman or a man endures the secret of his marital bed, the source of intimate desire will dry up. The spirit of fornication can manifest itself in various forms, for example, when a woman puts on a deep cleavage, with the idea of being noticed by someone other than her husband, and thereby convinced of her attractiveness.

In his parables, Solomon draws attention to the following case:
“6 Behold, one day I was looking out the window of my house, through my bars,
7 And I saw among the inexperienced, I noticed among the young people a foolish youth,
8 crossing the square near her corner, and walking along the road to her house,
9 at dusk in the evening of the day, in the darkness of the night and in the gloom.
10 And behold, a woman met him, dressed as a prostitute, with a deceitful heart,
11 noisy and unbridled; " PR 7:6-11

It is unlikely that she also spends interesting and passionate time with her spouse. She neglects the wisdom of a married woman, although she has a husband in whom she can establish herself internally. But she thinks that she will awaken intimacy in herself at the expense of someone else's man. And when her husband comes home, she will also be passionately sexy. But such a woman kindles herself not as a husband. She is unfaithful, her feet do not live in her house.
“18 come in, we will revel in tenderness until the morning, enjoy love,
19 because the husband is not at home: he has gone on a long journey; R 11:18-19

She, without any remorse, frankly admits that she is not only a married woman, but also an unfaithful wife. Not only is she not ashamed to admit it, but she also has an intriguing interest in cheating, because stolen water is sweet. Thinking that in this way more eroticism can be achieved, a woman is mistaken. Because in fact, she squanders it, which in the end will lead to exhaustion. Her marriage will cease to be interesting in the intimate sense of the word. Even if a woman does not openly fall into fornication, but is mentally unfaithful, nourishing her sexuality at the expense of the glances of other men, or a man stares at other, strange women, they partially satisfy themselves intimately, with fantasies, thoughts, and the like, but thereby lose their secret power. marriage.

motherhood instinct

But why does a healthy, married woman have an obligatory, deep desire to have a child? Because there is that part of her nature that she never realizes, no matter how much she loves her husband. Part of her nature remains sealed and unclaimed. According to M. Monroe, a woman is a person with a womb. At the level of the spirit, she is equal to a man, because the spirit is not male or female, but at the spiritual and physiological level, the female nature is different from the male nature. Adam was made in the image of God, and Eve was made in the image of Adam. The wife receives love from her husband and returns it to him, that is, she cannot be the primary source of this feeling. When a girl first shows love to a man, something breaks logically. A woman has the right only to reciprocal feelings. It is like the moon, which itself has no temperature. It has no energy or light. The sun is shining. The moon is a reflection of the sun's rays. A wife is capable of reciprocity only to the extent of the love that she herself receives. She collects all her reserves of love from her husband - how much he has invested in her, so much will she get back. It happens that a husband demands more from his wife than he himself gave her. He simply does not understand that such claims of his are impossible - after all, she cannot give what she herself does not have. But the husband is not the primary source of love either - it appears to him as a result of communication with God, Who is its true source.

The calling of a woman

In the Bible, a woman is called a helper to her husband. In other words, it enters into his work. A husband in his calling is not considered without a wife in context. They are one flesh, and there are no separate missions - for him and for her, there is a calling for a family. Of course, a woman can engage in a separate ministry, but it should not be in sharp contrast to what her husband does. The difference between a man and a woman in marriage is that the husband is responsible for revelation. The husband receives from God a revelation about the house, about the family, and the wife is his helper in their common cause:
“18 And the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone; Let us make him a helper fit for him.” Gen. 2:18

The Creator, considering woman as a helper, gave her a calling to help. Every married woman has the ability to help her husband. She can be interested in his affairs, surround him with care, attention, and pray for him. If a husband himself asserts himself in his ministry: in business, work, and does not initiate his wife into it, he deprives her of performing a very important function in her vocation, because she is not involved in his “male” affairs. Family service or business should be done with the wife. How much pain women inflicted on their husbands just because they did not know and did not expect their workload and difficulties in the business sphere. When a man tries to tell his wife about his problems, he often runs into a wall of misunderstanding and indifference. But in the covenant there are no problems of only one half, in the covenant they are common. It is very important when a woman is involved in her husband's affairs, because she has God's anointing of cooperation. When a wife is imbued with the needs of her husband, his problems, some disturbances in the ministry, God acts through her, helping and prompting. However, a man is arranged in such a way that no matter what reasonable advice his wife gives him, he again needs to receive from God an inner confirmation of her rightness. And the point here is not at all in male stubbornness, it is in the principle of obtaining a testimony from his Head: should he listen to the voice of his wife or not? Despite the fact that Sarah gave Abraham good advice, he did not react to it until God told him, "Listen to the words of Sarah."