Time to say "No" (On psychological pressure and manipulation). Verbal aggression and psychological pressure: how to fight back a boor or a manipulator Features of behavior in a situation of psychological pressure
When we hear the word "violence", we first of all imagine an aggressive person using force on a weaker one. However, violence can manifest itself not only in the form of physical aggression, but also in the form of psychological pressure and coercion. And many psychologists are sure that emotional and verbal violence is much more dangerous for a person than physical, since it does not cripple the body, but the psyche and. A person who is regularly subjected to psychological violence gradually loses confidence in himself and his "I" and begins to live with the desires and attitudes of the aggressor, making efforts to achieve his goals.
Signs and types of psychological abuse
Psychological violence, unlike physical violence, is not always obvious, since it can manifest itself not only in the form of screaming, swearing and insults, but also in the form of subtle manipulation of a person’s emotions and feelings. In most cases, the goal of the one who uses psychological violence is to force the victim to change their behavior, opinion, decision and act as the aggressor-manipulator wants. However, it should be noted that there is a separate category of people who use psychological violence and pressure in order to morally break the victim and make her completely dependent on their will. To achieve their goal, the aggressors use the following types of psychological violence:
Protection from psychological abuse
Psychological pressure is easiest for people who do not have strong personal boundaries and do not know how to defend their own rights. Therefore, in order to protect yourself from psychological violence, you must first of all, designating for yourself your rights and obligations in each of the spheres of life. Next, you need to act according to the situation, depending on what type of psychological violence the aggressor uses.
Opposition to the lover to command
When faced with a commanding and ordering person, two questions need to be asked: “Am I obligated to follow this person’s orders?” and "What happens if I don't do what he wants?" If the answers to these questions are “No” and “Nothing bad for me,” then the self-proclaimed commander should be put in his place with something like this: “Why are you telling me what to do? It is not my responsibility to carry out your orders." Further orders and commands should simply be ignored.
Practical example: Employees A and B work in the same office in the same positions. Employee A regularly transfers part of his duties to employee B, without providing any counter services in return. In this case, the opposition to the aggressor will look like this:
A: You are just printing out something, well, print out my report, and then put it in a folder and take it to the accounting department.
B: Do I work here as your secretary? It is not my job to print your documents and deliver them anywhere. I've got a lot of work to do, so take care of your report yourself and don't distract me, please.
Protection from verbal aggression
The goal is to make the victim embarrassed, upset, stressed, start making excuses, etc. Therefore, the best defense against verbal aggression is not to live up to the aggressor's expectations and react in a completely different way from what he expects: to joke, remain indifferent or feel sorry for the offender. Also, an effective way to protect against such psychological violence is the method of "psychological aikido" developed by the famous psychologist M. Litvak. The essence of this method lies in the application of depreciation in any conflict situations - smoothing out the conflict by agreeing with all the statements of the aggressor (as a psychiatrist agrees with everything that the patient tells him).
Practical example: The husband calls names and tries to humiliate his wife every time he is in a bad mood. Protection from psychological abuse in this case may be as follows:
M: You don't know anything at all! You are a disgusting hostess, you can’t even clean the house properly, there’s a feather lying around under the sofa!
Zh: Yes, I'm so clumsy, it's so hard for you with me! Surely you know how to clean better than me, so I will be grateful if you help me clean the house next time.
Confronting Ignorance
It is important to remember that intentional ignoring is always manipulation, so you should not give in to the pressure of the manipulator and try to appease him so that he changes his anger into mercy. A person who is inclined to be constantly offended and “turn on the ignore” in response to any actions that do not suit him, needs to be made clear that playing silent is his right, but he will not achieve anything with his behavior.
Practical example: Two sisters live in the same apartment separately from their parents. The younger sister (M) has been used to manipulating her older sister (C) since childhood. In cases where M does not like something, she begins to deliberately ignore C and triple her boycott. Countering psychological pressure in such cases is as follows:
S: I'm leaving in a week for a business trip for two months.
S: This business trip is important for my career. And nothing will happen to you in these two months. You are not a small child - you will find something to entertain yourself with.
M: Does that mean? Then you're not my sister anymore and I'm not talking to you!
Confronting the psychological pressure of duty or guilt
Strong personal boundaries are a reliable defense against the pressure of feelings of guilt and duty. Knowing the boundaries of his rights and duties, a person can always determine what is not included in his duties. And if a person notices that his boundaries are being violated, he should directly inform the aggressor about the limits of his responsibility and duties and make it clear that the manipulation has failed.
Practical example: A single mother (M) is trying to forbid her adult daughter from leaving to work in another city, putting pressure on her sense of duty. The response in this case could be:
M: How can you leave me alone? I raised you, raised you, and now you want to leave? Children should be a support for parents in old age, and you are leaving me!
D: I'm not leaving you - I'll call you, come to visit and help you with money. Or do you want me to lose the opportunity to get a high-paying job and not be able to fulfill my dreams?
M: What are you talking about? Of course, I want the best for you, but I will feel bad without you!
D: Mom, you are an adult, and I believe that you can find many interesting activities for yourself. I promise that I will call you regularly and visit you often.
Confronting bullying
Hearing from a friend, relative or colleague phrases with the meaning "if you do not do something, then misfortune will happen in your life" or "if you do not change your behavior, then I will do something bad for you", you need to ask yourself a question whether the threat is real. In the case where intimidation or threats have no real basis, the blackmailer can be invited to bring his threat to life right now. If your life, health or well-being and you are sure that he can fulfill the threat, then it is best to record his words on a voice recorder or video camera and then contact the police.
Practical example: Employee A has not fulfilled his part of the project and is trying to intimidate employee B to do his job. To resist pressure in such cases, you can do this:
A: Why are you going to leave if the work on the project is not finished yet? If we don't finish today, your boss will fire you. Do you want to be unemployed?
B: I have done my part of the work. I don't think I'll get fired for not doing your job.
A: The boss doesn't care who does what. He wants a result. So help me if you don't want to be kicked out.
Q: Do you think? Why wait until tomorrow? Let's go to the boss right now and ask him to fire me for refusing to do your part of the job.
Many people are aware that psychological violence is used against them, but they do not dare to fight back for fear of spoiling relations with someone who likes to command, manipulate or insult. In such cases, you need to decide for yourself what exactly such relationships are valuable for and whether it is better not to communicate with an aggressive person at all than to regularly endure his insults and act to your detriment, succumbing to his blackmail and manipulation.
Do you feel that psychological pressure is often put on you? If you are a calm and self-confident person, then you will probably want to answer that you practically do not encounter this. But in vain! Methods of influence can be completely different, and often the “victim” does not even understand that she has just been pressured. All this has a huge impact on your life! If you do not want to fall into this trap anymore, read our article and use the knowledge for psychological self-defense.
MAIN TYPES OF PSYCHOLOGICAL PRESSURE
Psychological pressure is the influence on other people, carried out in order to change their psychological attitudes, opinions, judgments and decisions.. It may seem that only strong and result-oriented people resort to it, but this is not so. A confident person will act directly and openly, and not look for workarounds, causing inconvenience to others. There are many types of psychological pressure that you probably have to deal with in life.
COMPULSION
Coercion is direct overt effect on another person . It is resorted to only when there is some kind of force, otherwise no one will succumb. Examples of such power can be physical qualities, power, money, information. A person who is being forced to do something is aware of the process that is taking place - as opposed to being manipulated. You can try to protect yourself from him by hinting to the "presser" that he is acting aggressively - some people do not like to admit this. However, if this does not bother a person, then it is very difficult to resist this type of pressure.
HUMILIATION
Another type of psychological pressure, expressed in striving aggressor morally ”crush the victim ". In this situation, you can hear a lot of unpleasant things about yourself: you are stupid, scary, clumsy, user, disorganized, etc. … Being in a state of psychological prostration, you lose control over the situation, and at this moment it is very convenient to put pressure on you: “ Can you even do that?". The idea is that if you were sober, you would never agree, but this is where psychological defense mechanisms and the desire to prove your own worth come into play. By the way, this technique works solely due to self-doubt.
LEAVING TO THE SIDE
This kind of psychological pressure stands apart from all others, since its essence lies in attempts starve you out . Simply put, when they try to put pressure on you, and you want to clarify this, the person begins to slip into extraneous topics or even goes into “deaf defense”: “N what do you have, huh?". Or asks why you keep talking nasty things about him. In this case, it is necessary to track the moment of departure each time and return to the starting point: “ No, we'll deal with me later, it's about you now". If you are persistent, then there is a chance that the aggressor will lag behind you with his pressure.
SUGGESTION
Suggestion is a type of psychological influence on a person, after which he starts uncritically"to swallow" information imposed on him from outside The person using this method must be an authority for his victim, otherwise the trick will not work. The extreme version of suggestion is various kinds of influence or hypnosis, but it can also be used in the waking state. For this, as a rule, games with voice, intonation and other semi-conscious moments are used. Paradoxically, there are people who are not suggestible at all, and then everyone thought to himself, but this is not so.
BELIEF
The most rational kind of psychological pressure. It appeals to reason and human logic . That is why only people with a normal level of intelligence and development of thinking are subject to him - the rest simply will not understand what they are being told here. Speech, which includes beliefs, is usually as logical, consistent and conclusive as possible - as soon as the consciousness of the victim catches the slightest inconsistencies, the whole structure immediately collapses.
MANIPULATION
It is with this type of psychological pressure that one has to deal with most often. Its essence is the desire to change the behavior, worldview or perception of another person through a covert, violent or deceptive strategy.
As a rule, the interests of the manipulator are realized at the expense of the victim, which is why manipulation is considered unethical. Psychologists' views on this vary greatly. Some believe that the end of an action sometimes justifies the means. For example, when a doctor convinces a patient to start taking medication. Or the mother, wanting the child to wear a hat, asks him: “ What hat are you going to wear - red or blue?” without giving you a choice. Others rightly believe that a person needs to be given all the information, but respect his freedom of choice and decision, even if it seems to us wrong.
In any case, manipulations aimed, albeit indirectly, at the realization of the interests of the “victim” are extremely rare. Usually it is still the desire to obtain personal gain at the expense of others. Manipulation is a hidden form of psychological pressure- a person does not understand either the true motives of the manipulator, or the fact of influence. In this case, the gain is exclusively one-sided.
Naturally, it is not easy to manipulate people - this requires a certain level of knowledge of psychology, the ability to feel other people's weak points, composure and prudence. A person who decides to do this is cruel enough and does not worry about harming the victim.
Manipulators rely on various bases, thanks to which they manage to control human consciousness. Needs and desires have been used since ancient times to have a psychological impact on a person. Take, for example, the well-known Russian passion for “freebies” - the desire to get the maximum win at the minimum cost, thanks to which many scammers have enriched themselves.
Each of us in life is guided by certain ideals and values, which include ideas about good and evil, about what is right and wrong. So, relying on them, it is quite easy for another person to manipulate us. For example, giving alms to a beggar seems to be an act of kindness and compassion, although it has long been known that most of these donations go to the pockets of the scammers behind it.
Intelligence and logic can also be manipulated. For example, using complex and long schemes, with the calculation of numerous numbers and cause-and-effect relationships. This is often used by network marketing professionals to encourage you to join their cause: “ Invest just three pennies and get a huge profit, which is obtained from the following sources…”. As a rule, several logical errors are laid in this scheme, thanks to which you see the result that is beneficial to the manipulator.
It is very convenient to manipulate the irrational ideas of a person. These include beliefs and convictions torn off from objective reality, which are formed during a person’s life and which are very difficult to change from the outside. They are full of them in the minds of each of us, for example:
- I have to take responsibility for everything.
- If you are asked for something, then you must help.
- I should always empathize and help other people.
- Thank you for any service.
- Everyone around should love me.
It is enough for the manipulator to “press” on one of these “sick corns”, and the person turns into an almost trouble-free creature. Moreover, the power of these installations is enormous, and thanks to them, almost any unpleasant and inconvenient actions can be achieved from us.
Well, the most fertile ground for manipulation is our feelings and emotions. When someone causes you emotional excitement, it turns out that it is very easy to use this for your own selfish purposes. Women manipulate men, men manipulate women, parents manipulate children, and vice versa. For example: " You love me and you won't let me ride public transport". And this can go on indefinitely, since feelings are an inexhaustible source of energy.
It is worth noting that we are manipulated almost everywhere. Full of psychological pressure at work, in politics, advertising, relationships, and just in everyday life. As a rule, if you see that a person is prone to manipulation in one area of his life, he will do the same in others.
METHODS OF PSYCHOLOGICAL IMPACT
Psychological pressure can be embodied in a variety of ways - here, as they say, it all depends on the imagination of the aggressor. However, the basic methods of manipulating consciousness must be known to every person in order to resist them. As you know, forewarned means forearmed, and this is one hundred percent true of everything related to psychological pressure. So, what do lovers most often use to influence the minds of fellow citizens?
TRANCE
One of the oldest ways to influence the human psyche. It plunges our consciousness into a special state in which the ability to analyze information and make informed decisions is lost. Perception focuses on one thing, naturally beneficial to the manipulator. Trance can be entered in different ways - most often monotonous stimuli are used, for example, monotonous speech, rapidly changing pictures, swinging of a pendulum, etc. … In such a state, consciousness is especially vulnerable to pressure, so you can be verbally instilled with something or provoke you to undesirable actions.
WORDS TRIGGERS
These are words that carry an important emotional and semantic connotation for the “victim”. They are often resorted to by sellers seeking to sell their goods: “ Buy a more reliable TV, a more elegant fur coat, more fashionable shorts…”. They reflect some kind of assessment or quality that the “victim” wants to possess.
TUNING
It is expressed in the fact that a person copies certain components of your behavior: intonation, breathing rhythm, posture, manner of speaking, look, gait, etc. … It would seem that there is nothing wrong with this, but after the adjustment, the psychological impact begins directly. You are already on the same wavelength with a person, and it is much easier for him to “lead” you in the right direction.
When you need to convince someone of something, it is often enough to refer to some expert in this field, and that's it - victory is in your pocket. Incidentally, this is a classic version of psychological pressure. Oddly enough, authorities can also make mistakes, but this remains behind the scenes.
FOREIGN GAMES
No, no, these are not the same fun exercises - rather, schemes for manipulating another person. There are a great many of them. For example, an exemplary behaving child periodically does something out of the ordinary. Perhaps he is just mischievous, but more often than not, the matter is different: the child wants to be praised for good behavior, which is perceived by adults as the norm. After misbehavior, the likelihood of receiving praise increases as the parents see the contrast. Another example: at work, the boss calls a subordinate and asks him to do a bunch of things by tomorrow. The subordinate’s eyes pop into his forehead, after which the boss says: “ OK. Do at least this". And the subordinate gladly runs away to carry out the assignment, although initially he would never have subscribed to it.
GRATITUDE
The reception of pressure consists in the fact that a person first renders you some insignificant service, which you may not have even asked for, and then persistently hints that it would be nice to thank him for this.
WEAK
Each of us has known this technique since childhood, when you are offered a choice: either you do what is required of you, or you turn out to be bad. All and sundry resort to it: men, colleagues, bosses, friends and acquaintances, shop assistants. Paradoxically, it works!
IMAGE OF ILLUSION FUTURE
They paint a picture of what will happen if you do what they want from you. Our essence is so arranged that it strives for a state of joy and psychological comfort, and we are ready for anything to achieve them. At the same time, the possible inconvenience for us from such an action is simply not taken into account.
TERRIBLE IMAGES
If the above methods do not work, then the person can be shown how bad it will be if the action is not carried out. For example, the boss says: If you do not make a report, then the company faces fines". Fear overpowers, and you agree.
HOW TO RESPOND TO PSYCHOLOGICAL PRESSURE
Oddly enough, but it is much easier to resist psychological pressure than to exert it. First of all, you need realize that you are being manipulated. You can see in the partner's behavior signs of the methods of influence described above. Persistently drawing your attention to some aspects of the problem and ignoring others should also alert you - as well as generous promises that cause reasonable doubt. In your state, during manipulation, inexplicable sympathy for a partner, sharp fluctuations in feelings, feelings of lack of time, guilt, obligation may appear - all these things should be a signal that you are being manipulated.
Followed by correctly inform the interlocutor that he was "brought to clean water." You may question the appropriateness of the actions and decisions that he requires of you. After that, offer your own version of interaction, which, first of all, will suit you, but know that now it is your responsibility to act, and not reciprocal manipulation.
Naturally, the manipulator will resist. In this case it is useful to ask questions aimed at clarifying the situation : what does he mean when he talks about the problem, what objective conditions and restrictions are in place, what should be done to improve the situation, etc. Specify why the manipulator chose you and right now - all this allows you to track what the aggressor prefers to “pressure”.
Well, the most useful is the banal “ turn on your feelings and brains ". As already mentioned above, the main task of the manipulator is to activate feelings, emotions, irrational attitudes, because they contribute to the belief in the words of the aggressor. However, as soon as you get out of the state of pliability and soberly analyze the situation, everything changes dramatically. The urgency in resolving the issue disappears, and you no longer feel any particular guilt for yourself. That's why, as soon as it seems to you that you are being manipulated, start analyzing and most importantly, take your time always take time to think– it helps you to go beyond the situation and look at it objectively.
In the modern world, it is very important to be able to deal with psychological pressure. We have practically abandoned weapons and the use of physical force, respectively, the enemies are left with only such methods of influence. And in order to live happily, you need to be able to recognize them and protect yourself and your loved ones from such gross psychological interference.
Nikolai Bulgakov
Publication Site" OMARTASATT"
Surely you have had stories when you did not at all what you originally intended. For example, they left the store with an unnecessary purchase. They resolutely began a conversation about parting and ended it with a kiss of truce. They came to the planning meeting with their own opinion, and went out with someone else's. If so, then you are familiar with psychological pressure firsthand. About what it is, which of us is prone to being manipulated, and what are the ways of psychological pressure on a person, we will talk today.
The provision of psychological pressure is the impact on certain points of a human character, the manipulation of another person in order to control someone else's behavior. The best targets for such manipulators are suspicious people, prone to self-flagellation and / or self-sacrifice, not confident in their abilities.
Methods and techniques of psychological pressure on a person
It should be noted that the provision of psychological pressure is not always intentional. Only a few think over the tactics of behavior, as a rule, manipulation occurs on an intuitive level.
Psychological pressure - everyone has experienced this. It is worth giving up a little slack, as someone who has even the most insignificant powers begins to abuse them with might and main. We, on the other hand, almost always act as if on an automatic machine, over and over again playing out ineffective scenarios - flight or aggression.
William Shakespeare wrote: "You can upset me, but you can't play me." Apparently, the master of English poetry and dramaturgy had reason to say so. If even the greatest geniuses are met with attempts to manipulate them, this cannot be avoided by us mere mortals.
Manipulation is a hidden influence on another person, with the help of which there is a change in his initial attitudes, behavior, perception. In the overwhelming majority of cases, the main goal of psychological influence is the benefits that the aggressor needs. Since with the help of this influence the manipulator satisfies his interests, this type of behavior is considered unethical. Manipulations that are aimed at satisfying the interests of the victim are extremely rare.
Psychological pressure is a common problem, especially in the post-Soviet space. Many do not disdain them - from rude saleswomen in the store, and ending with traffic police inspectors. The first thing to do if you find yourself in such a situation is to track your emotional reaction, and try to stop it (no matter how difficult it may be).
You can often hear from psychologists a recommendation to count to ten, try to regulate your breathing, and relax your muscles. However, this does not always help, as well as other similar tips. Another, more effective, way is to switch consciousness to other objects - for example, looking at the appearance of your opponent. Analyzing the behavior of the aggressor or the work environment, looking at the details of clothing, calculating logarithms in your head (if you are a mathematical genius), translating the stapler label from English into Russian - all this helps to distract, stop the storm of emotions.
Why is it so difficult to stop in a conflict situation, to go beyond the usual behavioral pattern? The reason lies in our physiology, and is explained by the theory of the conditional division of the brain into three main sections:
- The “reptilian brain” is the most ancient part, activated at the moment of a threat to life.
- The “mammalian brain”, which is responsible for receiving pleasure.
- As well as the "human brain" - a department that regulates the processes of thinking, rational analysis, reasoning.
Usually these departments work in peace and harmony. But when a person is "upset", experiencing anger or fear - excitation prevails in the "reptilian brain". It is this department that dictates the reactions of flight, expressions of aggression, fading. But in all these cases, a person cannot evaluate his actions from a logical position, understand the opponent's motivation. This scheme was saving for the ancient man. Now it causes a lot of inconvenience, although it continues to function in the same mode as millions of years ago.
You can turn off the “reptile brain” only with the help of logical analysis, awareness of the current situation - that is, connecting the frontal lobes. The situation looks much simpler when we got out of the conflict, cooled down, got distracted. Physiologically, in the process of analyzing the situation, the following happens - the focus of nervous excitation in the brain moves from more ancient layers to cortical structures.
There are different types of psychological pressure:
Resisting manipulation is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance.
How can psychological pressure be neutralized?
Sources:
Psychological pressure
Surely you have had stories when you did not at all what you originally intended. For example, they left the store with an unnecessary purchase. Decidedly started a conversation about parting and
http://womanadvice.ru/psihologicheskoe-pressure
Psychological pressure on a person
Psychological pressure and manipulation - everyone has experienced this. But what are the reasons for this and how to resist, not everyone knows. Let's try to figure it out.
http://kosarev39.ru/psixologicheskoe-davlenie.html
