How to perfectly combine emotions and reason when choosing a life partner. How not to make a mistake when making a vital choice
Human life is made up of big and small decisions. Every day we make choices about what time to get up, what to eat for breakfast, and what route to take to work. Even little things like this sometimes cause serious anxiety, not to mention something bigger: which university to go to, what job to get, who to marry - or maybe get a divorce, quit and go in search of something better? The answer to such questions is often depression, a desire to trust chance or just leave everything as it is and go with the flow. After all, having done something, so often you have to repent of it later. But to repent of inaction is not less common. How to learn to make the right choice?
Insufficiency of information
One of the main obstacles that appears when you need to make a choice is the incompleteness of the information available. It is impossible to foresee all difficulties, prevent all problems, calculate all the details - simply because, alas, we are not given to see the future. On the other hand, each of the available options is at least a little, but a pig in a poke.
fatalism and knowledge
The consequences of our actions are difficult to predict, but this is no reason not to make a choice at all and surrender to the mercy of fate. To start, find out as much as you can about the choices. True, it is still impossible to find out absolutely everything about them and exclude chance from the most thoughtful plan. It remains only to come to terms with this and believe in yourself: no matter what you do, no matter what happens, you will cope with possible problems and take advantage of the benefits. This thought reduces the internal tension: you no longer require yourself to make a choice completely unmistakably.
Decision-making methods
1. You can sit, lie down, walk down the street (as you prefer) and mentally weigh all the options. You can do the same on a piece of paper: describe each option, its advantages and disadvantages. For greater clarity, you can even draw a table, in the columns of which you list all the pros and cons of each option, and then calculate them - and, perhaps, with peace of mind, choose the option that has the most advantages. Just do not forget that their quantity does not always correspond to quality.
2. There is also a less rational way. Dry calculations of income and expenditure are meaningless if what is more important to you is what you will feel in a given situation. Then it is better to imagine each possible option in turn and experience it in your imagination. So you will know what your emotional reaction will be in this or that case, and whether you will like it.
3. Trust your intuition. Making a choice with its help is an invaluable talent: if it is possible to foresee accidents, then only with the help of such an irrational instinct. This does not mean that you need to choose at random, but if you feel that, contrary to all logic, something tells you a completely different decision, do not rush to dismiss it from your mind.
Some of them are more natural for you, some less: it depends on the mindset. It is more convenient and easier to use your own, native, but it is worth trying others and applying them in parallel: this way you can look at your problem from different angles and get a more complete picture.
Have you received a gift for which you thanked through gritted teeth, and after some time realized how lucky you were with this thing? Often, we do not immediately assess the significance of events in our lives correctly.
How to learn to make the right decisions, giving that really deserves it, in view of his ability Mmany things can look tempting, and it's not so easy to figure out which ones to focus on now and which ones to postpone - maybe right up to the next life. You can't be two at the same time different people like being in two different places.
perspective
The most important thing here is the ability to see things in perspective. Role momentary sensations is also important, sometimes we set them as our goal. However, more often than not, something else is more important - what happens to us. after. After we talked to this person. Ate this food. We watched the movie. Have done something. The meaning and influence of various events on us is manifested only over time.
You know the popular comforter “Think about it, will you remember this in 5 years?” The secondary immediately fades into the background, and the main thing remains in sight. But sometimes we are so absorbed happening with us that we forget to answer this question.
With regard to perspective, it is worth remembering its two dimensions: depth and finiteness.
Depth
What does this mean in terms of scale? all life? Yes, our life is not one day, but each one taken separately reflects it in its entirety in one way or another. Do you want your whole life to be like this? Would you choose this for yourself for the rest of your life? How will this affect your future, because with this choice you will live on? By answering these questions while making a decision, you will show that you care about yourself.
Limb
And this is a common way to think about death, to think about human life. Steve Jobs shared his experience of using it in his famous speech to Stanford graduates.
Our being is Not endless number of days. We rarely think about it, because it is not easy to understand and accept the fact of our mortality. That the day will come when we are gone. And the sun will continue to rise in the morning, the birds will sing, but for someone else. Yes, it’s not easy to even think about it, let alone feel it! However, it is very effective. After all exactly limitation something makes it so valuable. In this case, it's our time. And fully aware of this, we will make the right choice in life much more often.
Observation
The next moment is probably already familiar to you. Listen to yourself. This is a skill that can and should be developed. For some, this can be very difficult, because for observations need to freeze for a while. Then it will be possible to realize how something affects you. Knowing whether something particular is beneficial or harmful to you is very valuable.
Everyone has their own gradation of sensations that cause certain phenomena: “bad”, “normal”, “good”, “yes, this is just my heaven on earth”! In addition to evaluation amenities there is another side to the experience. Like this affects on us, who do we become as a result?
There are things that are incredibly seductive, but we can easily see that contact with them pulls us down.
And if we do not see, then others will tell us about it. Therefore, it is important to distinguish what level of pleasure you experience - sincere elation and enthusiasm, or mere pleasure, in which there is even something animal.
Watching still stands for what brings you satisfaction, evokes the emotion of meaning, fullness. It usually happens when you know something was done right and you feel good about it. After all, we all want to be needed, useful, one way or another, so this criterion will help you figure out what is truly important for you.
learning to see
Sometimes things turn out differently. At first, something puzzles us: “Why should I?”, and only then, knowing and appreciating we find ourselves filled with gratitude. Moreover, it does not have to be some kind of misfortune, which then suddenly and unexpectedly turns into happiness. No, rather something, at first sight insignificant and
It usually becomes clear pretty quickly what's what. After all, the wolf does not need so much time to throw off the sheep's skin, if he is one. With positive events that happen unexpectedly, in the same way. Unless we ourselves prevent them from revealing themselves to us in all their beauty by complaining about our own. We thought that this is good for us, but we got something else, maybe even better, but we don’t want to admit it, because first we need to figure out why our(albeit more modest) desires were ignored.
Sometimes we are too passionate about protecting our own to accept: in fact, we are much more fortunate than we expected. But when this finally happens, our hearts are filled with joy, and our souls are filled with gratitude. Appreciate these unplanned events. The things that came all of a sudden and made you happy. This will help you better recognize the situations that lead to them in the future and make the right choice in life.
Self-knowledge
What other skills will come in handy when you need to make a choice, what to give your attention and time to? First of all, this. Exactly knowledge, because we talked about knowledge above - what brings you satisfaction, joy, etc. Cognition is open process. This means you know something, but you never promise. You are always ready to try on new ideas about yourself.
After all, our tastes and preferences change over time, and you can discover traits and predispositions in yourself that you did not notice before. Until some events, for example, pull them out. You may suddenly realize what you would like to do. Such knowledge, even at the level of a dream, is already a great happiness, if this knowledge is genuine. When you know, and every day, it will be easy for you to make the right choice in your life, no matter what it is about.
open approach
Such an open approach should be applied to other areas of life, not only the image of oneself. No wonder the slogan “you’ll never know” is so popular: until something happens, you will never know what it is, how it is, and what it can lead to.
Of course, everyone has personal experience, knowledge of themselves and their preferences, but you can’t step into the same water twice. Every time it's a little different. So when possible, don't reject a new offer right away - give it a little time to show itself and help you feel whether you need it or not. This is a good habit, if only because the ability to make the right choice is closely related to slowness. This does not mean that you take two days, lock yourself in a room and make endless lists of pros and cons. 🙂
No, so you're saying that quality in life, quantity is more important to you. And what you .
Flexibility
To make the right choice, it is important to be able to calmly accept. You can't cook scrambled eggs without breaking eggs! To , you must first invest something. To hear yes, you need to have the strength to go through a certain amount of no. Losses are inevitable.
By accepting this and not considering it “in vain”, we become truly flexible and able to make the right choice in the most incredible life circumstances.
Respect important
The essence of being able to make good choices comes down to understanding what is important to you in life and respecting it. Pay attention to your own values. Not "for show" or to be moral - you personally need this. In order to live your life in such a way that it would not be a pity to part with it or exchange it, when the time comes, for the next one. Let it be good, even better - but different. Because this your life lived.The right choice you always make themselves. Tips, opinions, views of others can help. But not what will make it behind you - Choices in life are easier to make when you know what options are available.
The only right choice that I want to make a priori for you is self-respect. It's hard to live when you don't respect yourself. It’s hard to build relationships with people when you can’t treat them with respect - but how else when you don’t respect yourself. It's hard to believe in someone's good attitude towards themselves.
So if you don't know where to start when making any important choice, start here: respect yourself.
And that means respecting the things that are important to you. Take the necessary time to figure it out, you have a right to it. And while you are doing this, others will wait without question.
We have stood at a crossroads so many times in our lives that it seems that we should have already developed our own, accurate and win-win, decision-making methodology. But no - no matter what choice we have, we still rush from corner to corner, doubt and do not sleep at night - it's hard to fall asleep when the further development of events depends on your "yes" or "no". Of course, each case is unique, and it is quite difficult to give general recommendations to those who do not know what to choose, but we will try to help you understand the situation and yourself so that you can take the decision-making process more calmly.
Get a new job or not? Try your luck in another city or stay in your own? Buy new shoes or save money for a vacation? These and other questions torment us daily. Moreover, the subject of choice does not have to be serious and life-defining in order to fill all our thoughts. We can worry equally strongly both because of insignificant trifles, and because of things on which our future depends. And, as a rule, we spend much more mental strength not on thinking about what choice to make, but on torment and torment about it. “Oh, if I knew what this or that decision of mine would entail,” you think doomedly, because you understand that you cannot open the veil of the mystery of the future. And you begin to worry even more, fearing that by saying “yes” where you should have said “no”, you will break your own life once and for all: “What if I regret it? What if I don't understand something? Maybe my friends who advise to agree are right, and not me, who is inclined to refuse? And you start to panic, you think that it would be better if this choice didn’t stand before you at all, let everything remain in its place and you wouldn’t worry so much ...
Relax! In this state, not a single person is capable of making a deliberate and balanced decision, and all your further actions will most likely be dictated by emotions and excitement, but not by common sense.
Take a few deep breaths and exhale, open the window to let fresh air into the room, which smells more and more of the approaching spring, and get ready to follow our advice. Perhaps today you will give yourself the answer to the question that torments you.
Get in a positive mood
First, let go of the fear of doing something wrong by saying to yourself: “Whatever decision I make, it will be right anyway, because this is my path and my choice. I will be able to cope with all the difficulties that arise along the way. I will be happy because I can finally start acting instead of just thinking and doubting. And believe me - all this is true, it will be so.
Explore perspective
When making a choice, you should have as much information about its subject as possible. For example, you doubt whether to move to a metropolis for permanent residence. Perhaps you should stay in your hometown? Try to find out the advantages and disadvantages of both options. Ask knowledgeable people about the average salary and rental prices in the city of your dreams, and also figure out if you will spend more on moving than you can earn in the first months of living in a new place? Of course, long-term investments are good, but a smart businessman always considers possible risks.
Of course, long-term investments are good, but a smart businessman always considers possible risks.
trust your intuition
This method contradicts the one we will talk about later, but how many people - so many opinions, so choose (well, what is it, and here you have to choose!) What is closer to you. So, trust your intuition and ask yourself, “What decision will make me happy right now? What will make me feel confident and protected? You will see, the correct answer will come to mind. Further, of course, the mind will “finish” it, winding up a bunch of doubts and the usual “what if”, but you will, as they say, feel with your heart where you are drawn more.
Cold calculation
Well, here there is no question of any intuition, everything is decided by dry facts, but perhaps this is what you - excited and excited - just need right now. This method is probably familiar to you: you take a piece of paper, a pen and write down the pros and cons of each of the options, and then evaluate what is a serious drawback and what can be tolerated. The same goes for benefits: some of them will significantly change your life for the better, while others you wrote just for show. Take a critical look at the resulting scheme and you will see a complete picture of the current situation. Sometimes only such cold calculation helps.
Take a piece of paper, a pen and write down the pros and cons of each of the options, and then evaluate what is a serious disadvantage and what can be tolerated.
Do not be afraid to make decisions that do not suit your family, friends and colleagues. If you feel that a particular choice will bring you more happiness than another one advocated by others, do as you see fit. To live with this is only for you, as, in principle, to be disappointed (if it suddenly happens) - you will also have to go it alone. But you will not blame others for pushing you to the wrong decision. You alone are responsible for your life.
“When you have to make a choice,
and you don’t do it, that’s also a choice.”
William James
Every day a person has to make decisions make choices from several possible options. And this is not an easy task.
A person is constantly faced with choices - what to wear, what to eat, how to spend the day, and so on. Such choices are easy to make.
But what about more global solutions:
- When and where to go on vacation?
- Where to live? Buy a house or apartment?
- Which educational institution to enter?
- Stay at your current job or accept a tempting offer?
- With whom to connect your fate?
There are many such questions, each one has its own. And as soon as one problem is solved, a new one arises.
And almost every time this is accompanied by doubts, worries and postponing the decision until later.
Which option to resolve the issue to choose, and which to refuse? Whom to ask for advice and what advice to listen to? The more complex the issue, the more difficult it is to make a choice.
In this article, you will learn how to learn how to make the right choice and what will help you not to hesitate and accept with confidence. wise decisions.
Your life is a reflection of your choices
A person's life is shaped by his values, deeds, decisions and actions.
See where you are now, at what point in your life path. What do you have and what is missing in your life. This is all the results of your elections.
It is the law of consequence by which your reality changes and builds.
Everything that is in your life, everything that happens in it is all you once created with your actions and choices.
One step at a time
On the way to the goal, a person constantly makes many different choices. And at each step of the way, the initial result depends on these small options-choices.
For example: On the path of life, a person encountered an obstacle, let's call it figuratively - "a big stone - a boulder." And this obstacle must be removed.
A person just needs to make a choice how to move on. And he has at least three options - climb over this boulder, get around it or get it out of the way.
A person makes a decision to move the boulder out of the way. And here again there are options for resolving the issue.
You can try to move the boulder yourself. You can, for the use of greater physical strength, call a group of people for help. And you can use technology.
The man thought and decided that applying the technique was the best option for him.
The necessary equipment can be bought, rented, or simply used by agreement for free or by barter. And so on.
Each option has its own possibilities for solving the problem that has arisen. And at each stage, you can turn in any direction necessary for a person.
There is also always the possibility turn back and not overcome obstacles. This is also a choice.
Why is it so difficult to make a choice
Make a decision, usually a person fears interfere and doubt. Such fears are born from already experienced past situations and from the uncertainty of the future.
From past experience, a person is afraid of repeating mistakes made, because he remembers the pain that he experienced. In such a situation, it is difficult for a person to let go of the past, and he hangs there.
A person is afraid of the future, because he does not know what awaits him ahead. He is afraid of the unknown.
As a result, a person turns down opportunities because of fears and insecurities, because of the fact that some kind of trouble awaits.
And only being in the “Here and Now” state, a person is able to calmly make a choice.
Advice to those who do not know how to listen to intuition, use this practice as often as possible, train on simple situations.
Remember the case when you were faced with the choice of something important, listened to your intuition, and it did not let you down. Over time, you realized that you made the right choice.
Remember that feeling when you made a decision. Let it be the benchmark.
Hello dear readers! How do you know that the right person is right next to you? Should you only listen to your heart, or should you turn to your mind? How to make the right choice in a relationship? Let's talk about whether the differences between people interfere with their love or, on the contrary, help, what you should look at in a partner and how not to spoil a good relationship.
difference in approach
The first thing I would like to talk about is the approach to choosing a life partner. In fact, there are only two of them: rational and emotional. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. Some people manage to combine these approaches, while others use only one strategy.
What is the difference between these approaches?
The emotional choice of a partner is based only on your feelings. Like or dislike. What you feel next to a person, what thoughts overcome you. Most often, these are spontaneous, strong emotions that push for rapprochement.
The advantage of this approach is that there is a place for passion, love follies, exploits for the lady of the heart, and so on. But there is also the flip side of the coin. Under the influence of emotions, a person does not always see the truth. He is overwhelmed with love and his eyes are blind.
The rational choice of a life partner lies in the rationale, critical thinking, weighing the pros and cons of such an alliance, and so on.
Many men, in order not to make a mistake in choosing a wife, resort to a similar approach. They critically evaluate all the qualities of a girl and decide whether she is worthy of becoming a faithful, loving wife. Girls also resort to a similar method. One of my clients took a long time to choose between two suitors. She even gave them tests to see if they would act the way she needed.
The advantage here is obvious - a partner is chosen thoroughly, deliberately, slowly. But often there is no room for crazy feelings and emotions.
Both approaches work great. But in everything you need to be able to find the golden mean. Feelings and emotions are very important in a relationship, you should not give them up so easily. But the mind does not need to be turned off.
Which approach to use - choose for yourself, the main thing is that it works for you, and not against you.
One of my acquaintances tried to logically come to a decision for so long that all her gentlemen fled. And an overly emotional guy constantly rushes from one embrace to another, and cannot find the one, the one and only.
Similarities and differences
Very often I am asked the question: will we be happy, because we are so different? There is no answer to this question. Differences help someone in relationships, while others only get in the way and are the cause of constant quarrels.
Differences can be in completely different areas of life: hobbies, worldview, religion, nationality, and so on.
One of my clients meets only with foreigners, she does not let Russian men near her at all, she is not interested in them, they do not inspire or excite her, so to speak. But foreigners attract her attention no matter what.
You can have opposite hobbies with a girl, but this will only bring you closer. She talks about her hobby, you share your knowledge with her and this fuels your interest in each other. Remember, it all depends on the situation.
What you should pay attention to
I offer you some points that will help you decide whether this person is suitable or not.
Men, of course, should pay attention to the thriftiness of the girl. After all, you want a wife who can put things in order at home and become the real queen of your home comfort. Remember that even if she does not know how to cook, does not know how to sew on a button, there is nothing to worry about. The main thing is her desire to learn.
Another point that can help men is talking with girlfriends. Watch your young lady communicate with other girls. Maybe all their conversations come down to just discussing hangouts, parties, cool cars and Louboutins? Think about whether such a lady suits you.
For girls, I recommend paying attention to the communication of your chosen one with his family. The way a man communicates with his mother can tell you a lot. Don't jump to conclusions based on this one thing. Situations are different, do not make serious decisions without understanding to the end.
My client's husband has not spoken to his mother for a long time. They have a very tense and complicated relationship. He calls her exclusively by her first name and patronymic and does not show due filial attention. But on the other hand, he idolizes his wife and wears it in his arms.
Another girl should pay attention to the determination of a man. Now he may not earn millions, not have a car or a separate home, but he has aspirations and plans. And this is very important.
And, of course, pay attention to the sense of humor. It helps in so many life situations. A person who can laugh at himself, at his mistake, will be much easier to relate to problems.
I highly recommend that you avoid your partner. For loyalty, for commercialism, for selfishness, for anything. Such a check can only spoil your relationship and lead to nothing good. Instead, carefully observe a person in natural circumstances and often talk heart to heart.
Take note
Do not argue with the faithful in public. Even if you hear that your partner is talking nonsense, you should not publicly tell him about it. Step aside or talk about it at home. There is no point in sorting things out in public.
Don't talk badly about your loved one. Most often, when we communicate with friends or relatives, we talk about unpleasant moments in a relationship. Stop doing it. Talk about good and happy events. Don't create a negative image.
Don't compare. Never, under any circumstances, compare your loved one to someone else. Each of us is unique. We can act like someone else, but we cannot be the same.
Personal space. Don't forget freedom. I'm not talking about total permissiveness, but your partner should have time for himself.
Don't try to change the person. Many people try to solve the problem by diligently changing the person. It's just not a solution. And the problem won't go away. Yes, and change a person, most likely, you will not succeed. Instead, look for a way out of the current situation together, talk, try different approaches, do not be afraid to make mistakes.
Building relationships is not easy, but very exciting. Remember, there is no right choice. There is your decision and what you will do next. It is up to you whether these relationships work or not. Partners must trust each other, appreciate and.
I suggest the girls pay attention to the article "". I am sure you will find a lot of interesting and useful information for yourself.
What do you pay attention to when choosing a partner? What is the most important thing in a person for you?
Love each other!
