Corrective and developmental work. program by E. Fedosenko
Self-doubt, oppressive feelings of guilt and self-criticism sometimes become too heavy a burden... How to free yourself from this difficult burden and believe in your uniqueness? Analyze your experience, forgive yourself for imperfections, pacify your inner “policeman” - and find at least five talents in yourself!
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Exercise ‘Thank you for existing’
Hits: 363 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
The exercise can be used to work with people who have low self-esteem and experience internal discomfort and a feeling of loneliness due to this.
The leader divides the group into two subgroups of equal number of people. Participants form two circles - inner and outer and turn to face each other.
The participants’ task is to look into the eyes of the person standing in front of them and say to him, calling him by name: “Thank you for existing.”
First, these words are pronounced by a participant from the outer circle, and then from the inner circle. If desired, participants can shake hands or hug each other. Then those standing in the outer circle move one person to the right, and the exercise is repeated again until the participants who started this game meet each other. At the end of the exercise, group members return to their seats and share their impressions.
Information for the presenter
If one of the participants did not have the opportunity to say words of gratitude to another participant, since he was in the same subgroup with him, but has a desire to do this, he can thank him in the general circle.
Exercise "Development"
Hits: 306 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
It can be used to work with people who have low self-esteem, who are “not like others” and experience internal discomfort and a feeling of loneliness due to this.
The presenter reads the text intended for active visualization:
Sit comfortably. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and relax...
Imagine that you are in a garden where different trees grow... They are all interesting, but one of them attracts your attention... Look carefully, what kind of tree is it?.. What kind of trunk and branches does it have?.. Q under what conditions does it grow? Imagine that you become this tree, your body is a trunk, well rooted in the ground, branches with leaves extend from the trunk. What shape are they? Are there flowers or fruits on the tree? Your roots penetrate the earth, from which nutrients come...
The earth nourishes the tree with its juices, and it gains strength... Your branches straighten, stretch upward, leaves, flowers or fruits grow... The sun warms and gives the tree its warmth...
You feel a surge of strength and energy within yourself... Hold this feeling... Now open your eyes and return to the group, to this room.
After completing the exercise, the facilitator invites participants to draw their trees on paper. After completing the task, group members share their impressions and, if desired, show the drawings to each other.
Exercise "I like that you..."
Hits: 266 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
Host: Now I suggest you remind each other of your positive qualities. To do this, one of you will take a soft ball (or any toy) and tell another person of his choice from the group, calling him by name, what he likes about him, what he does well, continuing the phrase: “I like it, what are you...” For example, “Ivan, I like that you know how to remain calm in difficult situations.”
The one who receives the ball must answer: “Yes, I... and I also...” - and name three things that he can do.
For example, “Yes, I know how to be calm in difficult situations. I also know how to play volleyball well, smile and help others.”
It is important that participants speak sincerely.
After this, the one who has the ball in his hand passes it to another participant of the lesson chosen by him with the words: “(name), I like that you...” The exercise continues until each participant has spoken.
Exercise “What am I and what do I want to be?”
Hits: 313 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
The game is played pantomimically. Participants are divided into pairs and successively “sculpt” each other into a sculpture of their state - real and desired, and then they themselves take the sculpted poses, freezing in them for a while. It is possible to voice one’s condition using non-articular sounds. After all participants have completed the task, the discussion begins. First, the training participants speak, then the presenter. It stimulates discussion of the following questions:
How did you feel when you entered the image of the sculpture - real and desired?
Were there any moments that surprised you?
What differences have you noticed between the “I” - the real one and the “I” - the desired one in yourself and in the other?
Is there a person in your life that you would like to be like? What attracts you to him?
Does the state you desire match the state demonstrated by this person?
Exercise "Snowflakes"
Hits: 331 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
The exercise can be used in a group to work with people who have low self-esteem, who are “not like others” and experience internal discomfort and a feeling of loneliness due to this.
Each participant receives a napkin and silently, without watching others perform the same operation, performs the following actions:
folds the sheet of paper in half, tears off the upper right corner;
folds the sheet in half again, tears off the upper right corner;
the third time he does the same thing;
and for the last, fourth time, folds the sheet of paper in half and tears off the upper right corner.
Then everyone unfolds the piece of paper and demonstrates what they have done.
Discussion
Participants compare what kind of snowflakes they got - the same or different, dissimilar.
The presenter draws the participants’ attention to the fact that although everyone performed the exercise according to the same instructions, their snowflakes turned out different. Likewise, people are not alike; each has their own individuality.
Exercise "Feedback"
Hits: 566 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
Goal: team building. Objectives: awareness of your strengths and weaknesses; development of empathy; team building.
Host: Now I propose to perform an exercise that will help you work more effectively in the future as a team.
I assume that each of you have done many things so far that the rest of the group has welcomed because it has helped them or the team as a whole.
On the other hand, I admit that everyone did something that others considered unnecessary or even harmful. Finally, I assume that you would like your colleagues to act in ways that will enable the team to perform even better in the future. Each of you has your own idea about this, and I want to help you explain to each other and come to clear and precise agreements.
Take yourself one sheet of paper, place it horizontally and write your name at the top. Then divide the sheet into three columns.
Above the first column, write: “Keep going...” Other team members will write here what they appreciate about your work and express their hope for improving the qualities noted in this column in the future.
Above the second column, write: “Please, less...” Entries in this column will refer to actions of yours that others consider unnecessary actions.
Above the third column, write: “I would be pleased if you...” The entries will express the wishes of colleagues regarding the style of behavior and actions that can make the life and work of the team more effective and enjoyable.
When performing the exercise, adhere to the following rules:
do not write anything in the second or third column until you have written in the first;
sign your entries;
Don't stand near your sheet.
you can write any number of wishes to another team member;
after you have made all the notes, you can sit down in your seat;
After everyone sits down, the presenter invites the participants to carefully study their sheets and begin the first exchange of impressions. If someone's wishes are not clear to the participants, they can ask clarifying questions to their authors. If there is a difference of opinion, negotiations can be held. So, a team member who has put forward specific demands can offer something in return, for example: “Please don’t interrupt me as much. And I promise that I will ask your opinion more often.”
Psychological exercise ‘Image of a name’
Hits: 196 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
The presenter invites participants to create an image of their name using colored and corrugated paper, pencils, paints, glitter, etc.
Issues for discussion:
What message does your name bring to the world?
Talk about the image of your name, the message and show it with gesture and body movement.
Psychological exercise ‘Name Energy’
Hits: 242 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
The presenter invites the participants to write their first, middle and last names on paper, create 15 new words from the letters in them and choose those that the participants like most. The presenter draws attention to the fact that perhaps these words contain a certain resource for them.
Issues for discussion
What new things did you learn about yourself through this exercise?
Psychological exercise ‘New Look’
Hits: 216 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
Host: We do many things in life automatically: we get up in the morning, have breakfast, go to school or work, watch TV, go to bed. And we don’t notice how our behavior becomes habitual.
At times we are not happy with something, and we think about how to change it in our lives. Usually changes are facilitated by new experiences that help us gain different qualities of character. Now I invite you to remember again the image where you determined what you want to become, feel it and return to the exercise “The Secret of the Name” with which we began our lesson and complement it.
It is known that in the traditions of some peoples it is customary to have several names. Some names are given to a person at birth, others are chosen by the person himself when he tries to carry out his plans, and others are assigned to him by contemporaries or descendants who evaluate his actions.
What names are you ready to add to your main ones? And what names would you be proud of in the future? For example: “Now I am Michael the Seeker, but I would like to become Michael the Founder.” Or: “Today I am Elena the Waiting One, but I dream of becoming Elena the Inspiring!” Or: “I am Alexander the Cautious, and I will be Alexander the Resolute!” Add new ones to your main names and talk about it.
Issues for discussion
How did you feel while “playing” with your name?
What new things did you learn about yourself and others through this exercise?
Psychological exercise "Mother and Child"
Hits: 139 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
Option 1
To perform the exercise, you need a soft surface.
Host: Now I suggest you divide into two subgroups, calculating “first - second”, and form two circles: external and internal.
Participants in the inner circle squat down, clasp their knees with their hands, close their eyes and bow their heads.
Behind them stand the participants of the outer circle, who will move around those sitting.
Upon my clap, the outer circle will stop its movement, and each participant from the outer circle will sit behind the one sitting in front of him in the inner circle, hug him, tilting him slightly in his direction, and begin to gently rock, trying to feel what the rhythm and intensity of the rocking is. most comfortable and natural for their couple. In this case, participants from the inner circle will not know who is behind them (2 minutes).
Then the participants from the outer circle will return the participants from the inner circle to their original place, stand up and continue moving around the circle. The procedure will be repeated three times, and then you will switch places - those who were in the inner circle will move to the outer one, and vice versa.
Exercise Analysis
Participants tell what feelings they experienced during the exercise, what discoveries they made for themselves. With whom they were more comfortable (naming only the numbers of the participants) when they were in the inner circle, and with whom it was difficult and why. What feelings did you have for the participants in the inner circle while in the outer circle? Each participant draws his own conclusions.
Option 2
The facilitator invites the participants to divide into two subgroups and, standing, form two circles: external and internal.
Participants from the inner circle turn their backs to participants from the outer circle and close their eyes.
Participants from the outer circle will move around those standing. When the leader claps, the outer circle will stop its movement, and each participant from the outer circle will begin stroking the participant from the inner circle standing in front of him on the shoulders, head, and back. You can massage your shoulders.
Host: Try to feel what kind of touches are important to your partner - some may need a massage, while others may need light stroking. You can ask your partner about the quality of touch (1-2 minutes).
Then the participants from the outer circle will continue to move around the circle. The procedure will be repeated three times, and then you will switch places - those who were in the inner circle will move to the outer one, and vice versa.
Visualization exercise "Image of the internal state"
Hits: 177 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
The presenter must be proficient in guided visualization techniques. The presenter invites the participants to sit more comfortably, to find a position for their body in which they can completely relax.
Presenter: Take a deep breath and exhale slowly... Your breathing is deep and free... You breathe easily...
Now focus your attention on your body. Walk through it with your inner gaze and identify places of tension...
“Look” at the crown, forehead, eyes, nose, mouth, chin, cheeks, left ear, right ear, brain... Neck, left collarbone, left arm, right collarbone, right arm... Examine the chest with an “inner glance”, stomach. Feel your spine, back, lower back, buttocks, left leg and right leg... And again the crown...
Feel where there is internal tension in the body and form a holistic image of it. If your tension could speak, what would it tell you?.. Why did it arise?.. What size, shape, color does it have? What does it look like?.. An image can be either quite concrete or abstract.
Ask the image if it has desires?.. Are improvements possible?.. Imagine that you allow it to do so. What is happening to him?.. What is happening to the body?.. Perhaps the tension has eased and you have felt pleasant warmth and new energy... Stay in this state and return to this room.
After completing the exercise, the facilitator asks the participants about their feelings. Those who wish can talk about the images they see and, if necessary, work with them.
The presenter can continue the exercise: Now draw the image of your body you see. If you are right-handed, it is advisable to draw with your left hand. Next, conduct an “internal dialogue” with your body, with its various parts.
With your right hand you write down the following questions (if you are right-handed):
How do you feel?
What do you want?
How can I help?
What is the reason for the feeling?
What would you like to report?
What will help you feel better? With your left hand you answer these questions.
This dialogue is aimed at identifying the causes and mechanisms of your uncomfortable or painful condition and the factors that aid recovery.
Psychological exercise ‘What am I and what would I like to be?’
Hits: 102 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
Host: I suggest you do the following exercise. Now enter your usual, everyday state and, starting from your feelings, find a correspondence to it in the form of a certain image (for example, a stale gingerbread, a cornered horse, a crystal bowl, etc.). Now help the image of the problem state to “spread its wings” and gain freedom, let it realize its “deepest desires”, give it energy...
Now identify yourself with this image. Feel its harmonious final state as your own... By doing this you will restore unity with the energy contained in it.
After the class participants have seen and felt both states, the facilitator says: You have two images: the problem image and the desired image.
Now I propose to divide into pairs and use pantomime to depict first the problematic image, and then the desired image. You can accompany your performance with various gestures and sounds.
Thus, you solve a problem of enormous importance: you give development to creative potential, that energy that has remained motionless in your body for a long time.
Meditative exercise "What am I?"
Hits: 131 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
Host: Imagine that the world in which we live is the Universe, and every person is a planet in it. If you were a planet, what would it be? Imagine it, and then use pencils or paints to draw it on paper.
The presenter turns on meditative music, and the class participants draw their planets.
At the end of the exercise, the presenter invites participants to write 5 characteristics of their planet on the back of the sheet, answering the question - what is it like?
For example: green, blooming, bright, big, kind.
Or: harsh, strong, fast, beautiful, cold.
Psychological game "Compliment"
The game can be played using one of the proposed options.
Option 1
The presenter invites each participant to pass his drawing to the participant sitting to his left.
The participant who received the drawing looks at it and on the back of the sheet writes the positive characteristic or association that the received drawing evoked in him. Then he passes the drawing further around the circle.
If any characteristic is not clear to him, the author of the drawing can ask a clarifying question to the person who wrote it.
Option 2
If the game is played with younger students, they can simply show their drawings to each other and give feedback on what they liked about others' drawings.
Next, the presenter invites the participants to depict their feelings on paper, drawing how their planet can change from such friendly interaction with others, that is, they can add something to their previous drawings or draw new ones.
Training in emotional release and muscle relaxation techniques
Hits: 227 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
Host: And now you will learn relaxation techniques that can be used in any difficult life situations. Tighten the muscles of your whole body, arms, legs; Pull your shoulders high, reaching to your ears; clench your fists tightly... Now relax all parts of your body (repeat this technique 3-5 times).
Another technique: take a very deep breath, the deepest (count 1-4), hold your breath for 10-15 seconds. Now exhale all the air from your lungs (count 1-6) and as you exhale, relax, relieve tension, and return to normal breathing.
Did you feel tension in your chest as you inhaled? Have you noticed relaxation after exhaling? Remember this feeling, evaluate it (the technique can be repeated 4-5 times. Inhalation should be combined with muscle tension, exhalation with relaxation).
After completing the exercise, the facilitator asks the participants about their feelings and explains that relaxation is best felt after tension and helps restore strength and energy.
After deep breaths and slow exhalations, a person always feels better.
Psychological exercise "Compliments"
Hits: 305 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
Participants are divided into two subgroups and form two circles, one inside the other. The inner and outer circles face each other.
Host: Now we will thank each other for the interesting time spent. To do this, for one minute, those standing in the outer circle will compliment the participant from the inner circle standing opposite them.
After a minute, the participants standing in the inner circle will compliment those standing opposite. Then the outer circle will move clockwise to one person, and the task will be repeated with other partners. The outer circle will move until the first pairs match.
This exercise increases the participants’ self-esteem and actualizes their personal resources.
Psychological exercise "Fairytale story"
Host: Now I suggest you divide into groups of 5 - 6 people and go to different corners of the room so as not to interfere with each other. Each group composes a fairy-tale story in which the characters will be the animals you drew during one of the exercises.
Describe how your characters might express themselves and interact with each other. When the story is ready, choose a director and stage your fairy tale.
At the end of the rehearsal, each team presents its story to the others. All stories are accepted and accompanied by applause.
Psychological exercise "Snake"
Hits: 184 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
The participants stand up. The presenter invites one of them to go out into the corridor or another room for a while.
Presenter (to those remaining): Hold hands so that you make a chain. This chain represents a snake, and the two extreme members are its head and tail. As often happens, the snake curls up into all sorts of rings - “gets entangled.”
The leader helps the “snake” get entangled, giving the initiative to entangle the “head”. During the process of entangling, you can step over your closed hands and crawl under them. At the end of the entanglement, the head and tail can hide their free hands, but they should not hold hands.
Then the presenter invites the participant who is behind the door and invites him to untangle the “snake”. At the same time, he can be told that she has a “head” and a “tail.”
This exercise involves close physical contact and helps bring the group closer together.
Psychological exercise “What am I and what would I like to be?”
Hits: 127 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
Host: You have already presented the image of your animal. Now try to feel it internally... Stand near your chair as this animal would stand... Now walk and move as your animal would move... You can stop and interact with others as it would your animal. The exercise is performed pantomimically, without words, unarticulated sounds are possible.
Thank you, you showed what your animal is now. Would you like it to change? Perhaps it has become more elegant or bolder, brighter, more friendly? If so, you can imagine his new image and express it in a new way.
The facilitator carefully monitors what is happening and, if necessary, helps participants who are experiencing difficulties, without losing control of the entire group and maintaining the required pace.
At the end of the exercise, the facilitator can ask the participants the following questions:
How did you feel as an animal?
What surprised you?
What differences did you notice between the two images of the animal?
Psychological exercise "Color of the rainbow"
Hits: 202 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
The presenter invites the class participants to sit as comfortably as possible, close their eyes if desired, take deep breaths several times and relax.
Host: Imagine that you are standing in a sunny forest clearing. Look how big or small it is? What flowers grow on it, are there bushes and trees, berries? (To make it more convenient for participants to imagine the clearing, you can turn on calm music.)
Imagine that a magical rainbow has appeared above you. She is very beautiful. Look how its colors play: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet.
You raise your hands, and one color of the rainbow that you need right now falls onto your palms. Imagine how a stream of this color fills you... Now you are already completely painted in this color... It gives you its properties, you bathe in it... Feel what this color gives you...
Participants talk about the chosen color and their feelings, the presenter explains the meaning of each color.
Red - vitality, strength, endurance.
Orange - cheerfulness, joy, emotionality.
Yellow is inspiring and promotes the development of intuition.
Green - healing, harmony, compassion. Promotes the development of empathy and love for one's neighbor.
Blue - calm. Helps relieve tension and relaxation.
Blue - thinking and creativity. Helps generate more creative ideas.
Purple is inspiration. Helps create new concepts, invent.
Psychological exercise "Animal image"
Hits: 254 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
Modification of the exercise. See: Vachkov I.V. Metaphorical training. - M.: Os-89, 2006.
Host: Sit comfortably, relax and imagine that you are in a magical forest. A variety of animals live in this forest. Everything there is in the world. Here you can meet any of them. Now some animal will appear before your mind's eye... Do not try to consciously call it...
A variety of animals may pass in front of you, but one will definitely linger when all the others have left... (Pause.) Examine this animal, pay attention to its appearance. Is it moving or stationary? What does it do? What feelings are reflected in his appearance? What background do you see it against? How bright and distinct is the resulting picture?
Imagine that your animal is now approaching a tree. This tree is very similar to his character... What is it like? High or low? Very stable or light, moving with every breath of the breeze?.. What kind of branches does it have: straight, directed upward, growing to the sides or very flexible, bending to the ground? Are there many or few leaves on the branches of the tree and what shape are they? Remember what you saw... If you wish, you can pet your animal... Think about what motto it might have... Now mentally say goodbye to it and return here to our room. If someone closed their eyes, open them. You can straighten your shoulders and move around.
And now I ask you to draw the animal and tree you saw. Write the animal's motto at the bottom of the picture.
The presenter distributes sheets of A4 paper to the participants. Calm music plays and all participants draw an animal and a tree. The music plays as long as the participants draw. Then they arrange their drawings so that they are clearly visible to others, and the authors of the drawings talk about the tree, the character of the animal and its motto. The presenter should refrain from commenting and just listen carefully to everyone.
Psychological exercise "Zones of awareness"
Hits: 130 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
Modification of the exercise. See: Rudestam K. Group psychotherapy. Psychocorrectional groups: theory and practice. - M.: Progress, 1990.
Presenter: The experience of awareness of the world by each of us can be divided into three zones of awareness: the external world, the internal world of the body, the world of thoughts and fantasies.
Next, pay attention to the inner world of the body, starting speech with the same words as in the first case. Within one to two minutes, you may notice dry mouth, itching in your hand, muscle tension, etc. Then listen again to what your partner has to say about his awareness of the inner world.
The third zone of awareness (the middle zone) includes mental activities that are not related to current experience, such as memories, plans, thoughts, premonitions and fantasies. Translate the contents of this zone into conscious form by continuing the phrase beginning with the words “Now I am aware...” for a minute. You may be aware of your anxiety about a written test or unfulfilled obligations; or your attempts to guess what your partner is thinking. After this, switch roles.
Now pay attention to where your consciousness takes you if you do not concentrate on any of the zones. Say: “Now I am aware...” and complete this phrase with words about what you are aware of at the moment, be it the content of the outer, inner or middle zone. Once you figure out which zone your consciousness takes you to, you will be ready to begin honing your ability to concentrate. In addition, you can expand the scope of your awareness and develop the ability to switch from zone to zone.
First try switching from the inner zone to the outer zone. Complete the phrase “Now I realize...” with words that refer first to the outer zone and then to the inner. Move from one zone to another for a minute, and then listen to your partner do the exercise.
Psychological exercise "Beasts"
Hits: 184 Section: Psychotherapy - Exercises
The idea was borrowed from I.V. Vachkova.
Host: Now I will give you cards on which the names of the color and animal are indicated.
The presenter distributes cards measuring 10x10 cm. You can make 20 cards of the same color, dividing them into four groups (five pieces per color, which will be written on the inside of the card).
On the inside of the card are written the name of one of the colors (blue, green, red, yellow) and the name of one animal (lion, tiger, panther, giraffe, monkey). The result is four lions - one each on cards with inscriptions of different colors, four tigers - one each on cards with inscriptions of different colors, etc. If there is an odd number of participants in a group, the leader explains that there will be one less participant in one of the subgroups.
Please read what is written on your card. Make it so that only you can see the inscriptions. Everyone's task is to find those whose card color matches yours. After you are divided by color, line up in your group in the following order: the lion is first, followed by the tiger, then the panther, giraffe and monkey.
In the process of searching for each other and building, you can use any expressive means, but you cannot speak or make the characteristic sounds of “your” beast, in other words, everything you do, you will do in silence.
When you line up, stay close, but remain silent, do not talk over each other.
After the group members have lined up, the leader asks each person in turn: “Who are you?”
This exercise promotes the development of expressive behavior, encourages participants, on the one hand, to be attentive to the actions of others, and on the other, to look for means of self-expression that will be understandable to others.
Based on existing self-esteem, a person makes daily choices about how to behave; self-esteem ensures relative stability of the individual and can be an impetus for personal development. True self-esteem maintains a person's dignity and gives him moral satisfaction. An adequate or inadequate attitude towards oneself leads either to harmony of spirit, providing reasonable self-confidence, or to constant internal and/or interpersonal conflict. Self-esteem in psychology is a person’s idea of the importance of his personal activities in society and his assessment of himself and his own qualities and feelings, advantages and disadvantages, their expression openly or closed. The main evaluation criterion is a person’s system of personal meanings.
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Self-esteem training “Time for yourself”
Goals:
1. Determination and analysis of the level of self-esteem.
2. Mastering the techniques of self-diagnosis and self-disclosure.
3. Development of the ability to come into contact with oneself; take the position of an independent observer in relation to yourself and your situation; develop positive self-acceptance.
Progress of the lesson.
Consultation : “Self-esteem as the most important component of personality.”
Leading . Self-esteem is a person’s assessment of his own qualities, strengths and weaknesses. The term “self-esteem” emphasizes the evaluative nature of ideas about oneself, where there are elements of comparing oneself with some external standard, other people or a moral ideal. Self-esteem can be adequate, underestimated or overestimated.
Adequate self-esteem - a person really evaluates himself, sees both his positive and negative qualities. It is able to adapt to changing environmental conditions.
Low self-esteem is characteristic of people who tend to doubt themselves, take comments and other people’s dissatisfaction personally, and worry and worry about unimportant reasons. Such people are often unsure of themselves, they find it difficult to make decisions, and the need to insist on their own. They are very sensitive.
High self-esteem - a person believes in himself, feels “on top of his game,” but sometimes, being confident in his infallibility, he can find himself in a difficult situation when he needs to abandon the usual view of things and admit that someone else is right.
The process of self-realization and self-esteem are closely related to each other and influence each other: the feeling of unfulfillment of oneself reduces self-esteem, and low self-esteem prevents full self-realization.
Definition of self-esteem
Instructions . When answering the questions, indicate how common the following conditions are for you: very often, often, sometimes, rarely, never.
Questionnaire for express diagnostic methods of self-esteem.
1. I want my friends to cheer me up.
2. I feel responsible for my work.
3. I'm worried about my future.
4. Many people hate me.
5. I have less initiative than others.
6. I worry about my mental state.
7. I'm afraid of looking stupid.
8. Others' appearance is much better than mine.
9. I am afraid to give a speech in front of strangers.
10. I make mistakes in my life.
11. What a pity that I don’t know how to speak properly with people.
12. What a pity that I lack self-confidence.
13. I would like my actions to be approved by others.
14. I'm too modest.
15. My life is useless.
16. Many people have incorrect opinions about me.
18. People expect a lot from me.
19. People are not particularly interested in my achievements.
20. I am often embarrassed.
21. I feel that many people do not understand me.
22. I don't feel safe.
23. I often worry and needlessly.
24. I feel awkward when I enter a room where people are already sitting.
25. I feel constrained.
26. I feel like people talk about me behind my back.
27. I am sure that people accept everything in life more easily than I do.
28. It seems to me that some trouble is about to happen to me.
29. I worry about how people treat me.
30. What a pity that I’m not so sociable.
31. In disputes, I speak out only when I am sure that I am right.
32. I think about what the public expects from me.
Key to the test, processing and interpretation of results.To determine the level of your self-esteem, you need to add up all the points for the statements on the following scale: Very often - 4 points
Often - 3 points
Sometimes - 2 points
Rarely - 1 point
Never - 0 points
Now calculate the total score for all 32 judgments.
Self-esteem levels: Sumpoints from 0 to 25 indicate a high levelself-esteem, in which a person reacts correctly to the comments of others and rarely doubts his actions.A score from 26 to 45 indicates an average levelself-esteem, in which a person only occasionally tries to conform to the opinions of others.A score between 46 and 128 indicates low level self-esteem, in which a person painfully tolerates critical remarks addressed to him, always tries to take other people’s opinions into account and considers himself worse than others.
Exercise 1 “I am in the rays of the sun.”
Location of participants. Teachers sit on chairs located throughout the room.
Instructions . On a sheet of paper, draw the sun the way children draw it - with a circle in the middle and many rays. Write your name in a circle and draw a self-portrait. Next to each ray, write something good about yourself. The task is to remember as many good things as possible.
Carry the sun with you everywhere. Add rays. And if you feel especially bad in your soul and it seems that you are good for nothing, take out the sun, look at it and remember what you were thinking about when you wrote down this or that quality of yours.
Exercise 2 “Self-praise.”
Instructions . Make a list of the good things you did today (what you didn’t manage to do, V do not take the calculation). You can write down their positive results. For example.
- Got up on time.
- I prepared breakfast for the whole family and a second breakfast for the children for school.
- Came to work on time.
- I made coffee for a colleague.
- Completed...
- Finished work on...
In the evening I played with the children and helped them do their homework.
Analyze: it is difficult or easy to remember the positive things you did during the day.
After completing the exercise, the presenter sums up: “If you make this kind of notes throughout the day, you will never cease to be amazed at how much good, useful things you do for yourself and others.”
Exercise 3 “Confidence”(teachers fill out the form with assignments, Appendix 3).
Instructions after completing the exercise. Look carefully at your notes again and try to assess which fears you are most susceptible to.
Then the presenter offers another option for expressing the attitude towards such statements (you must mentally repeat them after the presenter). :
1. I am sure that mistakes are inevitable in any business, especially when the business is new.
2. I am absolutely sure: there will always be someone who will not like what I do (there are no comrades for taste and color).
3. Yes, there will always be someone who will criticize me. I'm truly imperfect. Criticism is useful.
- Certainly! Every time I interrupt someone, I stick my head out.
- Maybe he thinks I'm no good! Of course, sometimes I am not so economical and business-minded, and sometimes someone does better than me. But I will survive this too.
6. So he leaves me. He may leave, but I will survive this too.
At the end, the presenter makes a generalization: “This exercise helps change fears to a calm, rational attitude towards what is happening.”
Exercise 4 “Telegram”
The psychologist distributes “telegram” forms with the addressee’s name written on them, where you need to write to the addressee the best thing you can say about him. After completing the task, the psychologist collects all the telegrams and distributes them to the recipients, and they, having received the message, express their impressions out loud if they wish.
Exercise 5 “Level of Happiness”
Instructions . Make a list of what you are grateful for at the moment. Make sure that everything that is worth gratitude is included in it: a sunny day, your health, the health of your loved ones, housing, food, beauty, love, peace. After everyone has completed the task, the presenter finds out which of the teachers found 10 circumstances for which you can be grateful to fate; who is five; who none. The presenter summarizes: “I would like to remind you of the story about two people who were shown a glass of water. One said: "It's half full and I'm grateful for that." Another said: "It's half empty and I feel cheated." The difference between these people is not what they have, but their attitude towards what they have.what they have. People who master the art of gratitude are physically and emotionally healthier than "deceived" people whose glasses are always half empty
Exercise 6 “Getting rid of self-criticism”
Before performing the exercise, the facilitator says: “There are people who constantly analyze their behavior from the point of view of its failure, ineffectiveness (Why didn’t I do this? I should have answered him in such and such a way. What did I do?!) These and similar self-reproachful questions generate feelings of guilt, which leads to even greater “self-reproach.” A person finds himself in a trap of self-recrimination, turning into a kind of “martyr of self-criticism.” It is necessary and possible to escape from this.”
Instructions. Use the following technique. Take a blank sheet of paper and make a list of your most valuable qualities. For example, I am a good specialist. My colleagues respect me. I'm a great cook. I achieved something inlife. I admit my mistakes. In some areas I am very capable (for example, I know how to grow good crops in the country). I try to be kind. I'm culturally advanced. Then put this piece of paper in your notebook and, when self-criticism begins to torment you, take it out and read your notes.
Exercise 7 “Accepting yourself”
Target . Developing a willingness to work on oneself, understand oneself and trust others, and carry out self-analysis.
Exercise . Determining your strengths and weaknesses.
Instructions . Take a sheet of blank paper, divide it into two columns: “My shortcomings” and “My strengths”, write down in them very frankly everything that you consider necessary.
Exercise 8 “Drawing I”
Target . Creating your own image using visual means.
Exercise . Draw your own image in an allegorical form.
Instructions . Take colored markers and A-4 sheets of paper, try to draw an image of your Self. You can draw whatever you want: it could be a landscape, a still life, an imitation of children’s drawings, something in the style of a rebus, a fantasy world, abstraction - in general, anything, what do you associate, connect, compare yourself with, your state of life, your nature. Don't be afraid that you won't succeed or that you don't know how to draw.
Exercise 9 “Motto”
Target . Reflection using the motto of life attitudes.
Exercise . Formulate your motto.
Instructions . In the old days, medieval knights had a custom of writing a motto on the castle gates, coat of arms, and shield of a warrior, that is, a short saying expressing the idea, the goal of the owner’s activity. Your motto should make you concentrate on the main thing, reflect your credo, attitude towards the world as a whole, towards yourself - answer the questions: what can I do in life, what do I live for, what do I value. You can give an explanation for the motto, get ready to announce the motto in front of other group members.
Topic: “Self-esteem”
Target: give an idea about the intrinsic value of the human “I”, continue to develop the skills of self-analysis and self-esteem.
Tasks:
Discuss ways to maintain positive self-esteem; give the teenager the opportunity to fully realize their strengths;
Give each group member the opportunity to find out how other members perceive him;
Provide participants with the opportunity to correlate self-assessment and assessment by group members;
Developing the ability to listen and give feedback.
Materials: pencils, paper.
1. Introductory part
Conversation “Self-esteem as the most important component of personality"
Leading. Self-esteem is a person’s assessment of his own qualities, strengths and weaknesses. The term “self-esteem” emphasizes the evaluative nature of ideas about oneself, where there are elements of comparing oneself with some external standard, other people or a moral ideal. Self-esteem can be adequate, underestimated or overestimated. Adequate self-esteem - a person really evaluates himself, sees both his positive and negative qualities. It is able to adapt to changing environmental conditions.
Low self-esteem is characteristic of people who tend to doubt themselves, take it personally when noticing the dissatisfaction of other people, worry and worry about unimportant reasons. Such people are often unsure of themselves, it is difficult for themgivenacceptance of singing, the need to insist on one's own. They are very sensitive.
High self-esteem - a person believes in himself, feels like he is on a “horse”, but sometimes, being confident inhis infallibility, he can get into difficultsituation when you need to give up your usuallook at things and admit that others are right.
Self-esteem reflects the degree to which a person develops a sense of self-respect, a sense of self-worth and a positive attitude towards everything that is within his sphere of interests. Self-esteem is influenced by several factors. Firstly, ideas about what a person really is and what he would like to be; secondly, a person tends to evaluate himself the way he thinks others evaluate him; thirdly, a person feels satisfaction not because he simply does something well, but because he has chosen a certain thing and does it well.
2. Main part
Test- game "Self-esteem"
Teenagers are asked to draw 8 circles in a row, and then quickly write the letter “I” in one circle. The presenter explains that the closer to the left edge the letter is, the lower the self-esteem. Then he explains that this is a test game and its results should not be taken very seriously.
Exercise “Self-Esteem”
Draw a winding road leading from the deep abyss of the “worst man” to the mountain peak of the “good man”. Mark on this road the point where you are now. Analysis:
What qualities allow you to reach this height? (participants carry out the analysis independently, voicing their conclusions if desired) What prevents you from putting a higher mark? (You don't have to say it)
Often, your impression of yourself is based on the assessments that people around you give.
Group discussion
Discussion topic: “How we maintain and improve our self-esteem.”
Opinions are written out on a separate sheet of paper and supplemented by the presenter. For example: improving appearance (hairstyle, makeup, keeping an eye on your figure); We engage in self-education, development of our talents and abilities; we achieve success in some business; We devalue other people; we win contests and competitions; we help other people, thereby increasing our self-esteem; We decorate our corner with posters with the inscriptions: “You are the best!” etc.; “running into” a compliment; sometimes we show off (we do something that is not typical, but it looks “cool”, bright); We don’t set global goals; we have a hobby as a way to stand out from the crowd; By an effort of will we try to overcome ourselves, to do something on the edge of the possible.
The opinions of the participants are recorded and supplemented by the presenter:
Improving appearance;
We engage in self-education, development of our abilities and talents;
We achieve success in some business;
We devalue other people;
We win contests and competitions;
We help other people, thereby increasing our self-esteem;
Decorating your corner;
We ask for compliments, sometimes we “show off” (we do something that is not typical, but it looks “cool”);
We don’t set global goals;
We have a hobby as a way to stand out from the crowd.
All of you have probably heard one of your peers say about themselves, “I’m cool,” or about someone else, “he’s cool.” What meaning do you think they give to these words?
Are cool or confident the same thing? “Coolness” is the basis for everyone to think that you enjoy life and think that you have the strength to act.” The presenter reminds you what the external signs of a confident person are and offers to describe the external signs of a “cool” person (tense posture, fussy gestures, verbosity, increased tone in speech, etc.). It must be emphasized that a person strives to look “cool”, but in reality he is not confident in himself.
Exercise “What is he like?”
One of the participants goes out the door, and the rest make a wish for someone from the group. The driver, asking the question “what is he like?”, must, based on the qualities called by the participants, guess who was guessed
We give each other compliments
Separately, so that everyone can clearly see, place two chairs opposite each other. Invite one of the participants to take one of the chairs; all other members of the group take turns sitting on an empty chair and tell him only his positive qualities. The listener can ask to clarify this or that statement, ask additional questions, but does not have the right to deny or justify.
Each member of the group, if possible, should take the place of the listener.
Discussion . Discuss what each participant felt and thought while completing the task.
3. Final part
Exercise “Unconditional self-acceptance”
Participants are instructed to say out loud to themselves: “I accept myself as I am, with all my strengths and weaknesses. I accept myself with all the happy moments and joys!”
After this, the presenter asks the participants to listen to the sensations that arise in the body when pronouncing these words. In what part of the body do these phrases resonate? Are they easy to pronounce? What prevents you from accepting yourself with your strengths? What helps?
After the participants have mentally answered these questions, the facilitator asks them to repeat the following phrase after him: “I forgive myself for... and remove the condition that interferes with my unconditional love. Now I love myself and accept myself for who I am.”
Participants exchange impressions of the exercise.
conclusions To maintain a positive self-esteem, we resort to different strategies. For example,We emphasize our positive experiences, avoid setting global goals, devalue others and learn to accept ourselves, relying on our strengths.
Lesson 5
Topic: Self-Esteem
Goals: give the concept of the intrinsic value of the human “I”, continue to develop the skills of self-analysis and self-esteem.
Progress of the lesson:
1.Warm up
Exercise “There is a day...”
Purpose: introduction to the tempo and mood of the lesson.
Continue the sentence:
There is a day...
long
cloudy
training
grey
festive
birthday
etc.
The exercise is performed in a circle (2–3 rotations).
2. Work on the topic
Presenter: The main task that faces you today: to understand, to realize your self-esteem.
Test - game "Self-esteem"
Teenagers are asked to draw 8 circles in a row, and then quickly write the letter “I” in one circle. The presenter explains that the closer to the left edge the letter is, the lower the self-esteem. Then he explains that this test is a game and its results should not be taken very seriously.
Conversation
Presenter. There are 3 levels of self-esteem:
· self-esteem is real, corresponding to reality;
· heightened self-esteem;
· low self-esteem.
As these levels are named, students explain how they understand it and give examples.
Leading. Do you think you are a good person?
Answers in a circle.
Why do you think so? What gives you the right to do this?
Answers.
What does your self-esteem depend on?
Possible answers:
1. From the inner feeling of how well I know myself.
2. From the opinions of others about me.
3. From the opinions of “significant others”.
4. How confident I am in myself, etc.
Leading. We understand that it is good if a person evaluates himself realistically. And if a person underestimates his abilities, underestimates his capabilities, is not confident in himself, then how do others treat him?
Answers.
Discussion “The Best”
The presenter invites the teenagers to write down on pieces of paper what is most important and most valuable to them in life.
Then the participants read it out, and the leader writes it on the board.
Every point is discussed. We need to bring the kids to the conclusion that every person is unique and has value. Loving yourself means recognizing the right to have other people love you.
The presenter, commenting on each answer, asks to answer questions. For example: “Why is health important to you? (I can live long).
“Why are your parents dear to you? (They gave me life and love me).
Then conclusions are drawn:
Every person should love themselves and accept themselves as they are.
Loving yourself means being proud of your actions and being confident that you are doing the right thing.
He who does not love himself cannot truly love others.
If a person has low self-esteem, then he feels helpless, powerless and lonely.
Relaxation.
Presenter: To make us feel more confident now, let’s do a psychological exercise to build self-confidence
Sit comfortably. Focus on yourself, on your inner feelings. Feel your body and relax...
Imagine that you are looking at the sky. Feel the sky inside you. Feel its infinity, allow yourself to dissolve in it.
The body is resting and the mind is awake. It's active. You listen to my voice... Focus on it!
Feel how good I treat you. And let my every word find a response in your heart.
I set you up for an energetic, cheerful life - now, and tomorrow, and in all the days following. You will be cheerful, energetic, healthy.
I am setting you up for a more indifferent, more lenient attitude towards the blows of fate. Never lose courage and optimism! Be more persistent and decisive!
I encourage you to constantly, energetically develop all your abilities: now, and tomorrow, and in all the following days...
Imagine and feel that your head has become strong and smart. Feel - you are full of vigor! You are not afraid of anything! You are full of strength, energy, self-confidence! Everything will work out for you!
You will study well due to great endurance, good mood, tenacity of memory, and an active desire to quickly catch up.
Feel how the clarity of your thoughts increases, your mood improves, and your intuition sharpens.
Feel the surge of new vitality. There's still more to come! You are talented! And you will succeed!
Okay... Let's finish our work.
Once you feel that you have finished thinking about yourself, that you have rested, you will open your eyes.
So, everyone will open their eyes when they want it...
Ending the lesson
Reflection
To increase self-esteem, it is not necessary to consult a psychologist - there are many in books and on the Internet. It turns out that they exist even for teenagers, for whom low self-esteem can bring a lot of inconvenience. So, how can a growing child help himself and improve his self-esteem?
One of the main tasks of a modern school is to instill in students the skills of self-improvement so that they become a harmoniously developed personality, can achieve goals and achieve success. In this matter, the teenager’s level of self-esteem plays a key role.
Unfortunately, today the self-esteem of adolescents is often low, and a young person entering the adult world is not very confident in himself. And this directly affects a very important quality for development - positive thinking, making it difficult to be optimistic about your successes and failures.
Low self-esteem - where does it come from?
There are several main reasons for low self-esteem. First, it is a direct replication of parent assessments. The teenager emphasizes in himself those qualities that his parents note, while a negative attitude creates in him a feeling of inferiority. In such a situation, his internal criteria of self-esteem may remain silent for a long time.
Secondly, this is a mixed self-esteem. At the same time, a conflict occurs between one’s own “I,” strengthened in social interactions, and the echoes of the parent’s vision of the teenager. The third common situation is when a teenager does not see a negative parental assessment and transforms it into a positive one.
The solution to the problem of low self-esteem lies in the field of psychology. Therefore, advice often turns out to be superficial and not useful. For example, when they say: “Just do what you’re afraid of and your self-esteem will increase.” For some reason, the author of such advice does not pay attention to the apparent contradiction: a person would hardly was afraid if only for him to do it was really Just. Moreover, it doesn’t matter what kind of business we are talking about: you may be afraid to say “no” to your boss, or you may not even be able to look your interlocutor in the eyes.
To form a picture of success, self-analysis of your qualities and results in different types of activities is necessary. Due to this, self-esteem, psychological stability and adequacy are formed.
How to increase self-esteem: 5 exercises
Now let’s look at 5 simple practices that, despite their simplicity, take into account all the complex psychological nuances.
1. Weaknesses are hidden strengths. What is a weakness for one person may well be a strong personality trait for another. For example, a punctual person will be called a role model by some, while others will call him a bore and a pedant. Or talkativeness - which can be regarded as a positive trait that develops sociability, or can be perceived as intrusiveness.
Exercise: Write down your weaknesses in a column and find at least one positive interpretation for each of them.
2. The best version of yourself. Exercise: give yourself half an hour and start fantasizing. Imagine a completely comfortable and safe place where you enjoy your strong and healthy inner self. Concretize your fantasies: where exactly are you? What do you see and hear? what do you feel?
Positive experiences are very important, because you can always rely on them in moments of weakness. Therefore, you need to periodically create such sensations for yourself, photograph them with your mind’s eye and store them in memory.
3. Taming the inner critic. The inner critic grows in us from childhood. He asks tricky questions and makes you feel frustrated and weak. Sometimes it is useful, as it can motivate volitional actions, but often it is not worth listening to.
Exercise: listen in what situations and what exactly the inner critic says, and then give it a name. Then imagine his gestures and clothes - and draw him. All this will help you better understand the inner critic and (most importantly!) realize that the critic is only a part of your personality, whose arguments can always be countered with something.
The internal assistant from our next point can also help with this.
4. Internal assistant. The inner assistant helps you see the positive side of what is happening. He says stop to the inner critic. This could be a caring parent or a loving person, or maybe even a fairy or a kind wizard. The main thing is that such an assistant seems to you a source of strength.
Exercise: imagine your inner assistant and the situations when he came to the rescue, give him a name and draw him. Write down what encouraging phrases he could respond to the critic's attacks. Every day, pay attention to the fact that your assistant has good words, and rejoice at even the smallest successes.
5. A love letter to yourself. Think about your friends, parents and loved ones. Why do they feel good with you? What are your good qualities that other people see?
Exercise: Look at yourself through the eyes of a person who loves you very much. And then, after spending at least half an hour, write a letter on paper from which it will be clear that the person loves you. The answer “No, I can’t do that” is not accepted. Believe me, such a letter is one of the most valuable gifts to yourself.
With the help of such unusual and interesting exercises you can achieve a lot. With increased self-esteem, inner strength and firmness are gained. A person becomes more confident day by day, defends his interests and boundaries, communicates on equal terms with different people. He achieves success and feels happy.
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Comment on the article "How to increase a teenager's self-esteem: a letter to yourself and 4 more ways"
If I had a teenage child throw tantrums on a regular basis for two years, and it also greatly raises self-esteem and gives me an understanding of social significance. Try, change. But it’s obvious, but I have heightened reflection and an active nature)) The child fell into...
Discussion
Let me take a closer look at the boys. The boys are good, really. And they are simpler. My son’s classmate hasn’t found any girlfriends, she’s great friends with her son and his friend.
This often happens to people who want to have a friend, but do not want to be a friend themselves.
Why not, for example, communicate with those 2 boys whom she knows well, and is no longer alone. And through them, first, win over the guys from the new class to your side (boys are much more loyal to new girls), and then perhaps the girls will catch up (they won’t tolerate the fact that your daughter is surrounded by male attention). Or meet with classmates from last year during recess, since you managed to make friends there.
If you hold out until the end of the school year using old connections, then after the summer holidays a regrouping of companies usually occurs and your daughter, as an “old girl,” will be able to fit into one of the groups much more easily than being a “new girl” at another school. In general, if there is a desire, there are a lot of ways.
Many women do not fully realize what an important example they are for their daughters. Any mother wants the best for her daughter, tries to raise her to love herself, but at the same time completely forgets to love herself and, thereby, set an example for her daughter. The way we perceive our bodies greatly influences how our children will feel in this regard in the future. In a new video, Dove showed this clearly: researchers asked five mothers to write down point by point what they didn’t like about...
Psychologist for a teenager A teenage psychologist is a qualified specialist who will help cope with the transitional period of a teenager’s personality, which can cause severe tension in the family circle. The parents' mistake is that they cannot understand that increased levels of hormones, changes in the child's social role, and frequent changes in psychological state lead to an explosion of emotions. Teenage psychologists recommend being more restrained during this period, showing tolerance and...
What profession should I choose: the one that I like or that my parents and relatives advise? Stable – or creative? Stay in a low-paid but interesting job - or go to a less interesting but highly paid one? Go for hire or start your own business? So how to behave in such situations so as not to regret missed opportunities? Friends! A new training for teenagers “Career Guidance” is starting, the participants of which are immersed in an atmosphere of honest communication in the first...
Discussion
The most correct thing, in my opinion, is training like this. Give the child maximum useful information, orient him in the world of professions, give him the opportunity to realize his strengths and weaknesses, and leave the choice to him
03/06/2015 14:23:00, karlovnaMy eldest child has previously decided on a profession, but my son would benefit from such training. Not mature yet, unfortunately)
THE CONCEPT OF EMOTIONAL EDUCATION IS SIMPLE, common sense, and grows out of a deep sense of love and compassion for our children. All parents love their children, but, unfortunately, not all are engaged in emotional education. Awareness of its necessity does not automatically follow from their love or from the decision to use a warm and positive attitude in communicating with the child. Emotional education is more like an art, it requires awareness, listening and behavior...
Consultation with a psychologist - yesterday, today, tomorrow. Everyone knows that self-medication can do more harm than good. But when it comes to such a subtle matter as the soul, for some reason only a few in a difficult situation make the right decision - to seek help from a specialist. At the same time, unsuccessful attempts to solve the problem on your own very often aggravate the situation and lead it into a blind corner, finding a way out of which becomes even more difficult... Instead of doing...
The path to sustainable success, especially in a situation of crisis, both personal and public, is self-esteem with a “plus” sign. Not with a “!” sign, which means inadequacy, but with a calm “+”. I successfully failed my future achievements, underestimating myself, in private business and, on the contrary, I broke through in politics when I was confident in myself. So, effective self-esteem is the path to success. You can believe me, because I walked this path to the end, feeling like an ugly duckling until the age of 30, and only after 40...
Help from a teenage psychologist The help from a teenage psychologist is simply invaluable in establishing relationships with peers. Adolescent adolescence is associated with difficulties in normal communication with peers and adults. If in a situation with parents or older people, especially strangers, upbringing and traditions of communication accepted in the family play a large role, then in terms of building relationships “with equals,” a real war occurs. Don't hesitate or put off going to...
How to increase self-confidence and self-esteem? How to believe in yourself and stop being afraid of failure? These questions concern many who want to achieve success in life and work, and simply become happy. Since I am familiar with the way of thinking of an insecure person (I was like this myself and talked a lot with clients on this issue), I want to start the article with a statement: it is possible to increase self-confidence! I say this for a reason, but based on my personal and professional experience, supported by...
Where is it written that at the age of 10 they began to increase their self-esteem??? The main difficulty here is not to tell a beautiful girl that she is beautiful :), but to accept her way of responding to those problems to which you react differently.
Discussion
But it seems to me that the reaction to peers is due to “physico-chemical reactions in the body of a particular individual.” And you can’t influence it in any way “from the outside.”
Were you vulnerable at that age? If yes, then what should we talk about?
It seems to me that you are rushing things a little. Time will pass, the child will “harden” a little inside and learn to defend himself. This is correct and natural. Remember how intense the first love experiences can be. Not those that happen at 16, but those that happen at 11-13 years old. It would seem that there is nothing concrete there (in the sense of not being abandoned with a child in your arms), but what powerful suffering?!
As for your examples, No. 1 doesn’t work at all. The vast majority of 10-year-olds behave this way if they are not sure about a new thing. And they can only be sure if someone very important in their hierarchy has already approved it. Then others can say whatever they want.
About the short one. I think you are positioning your own reaction to your daughter. If you were sure inside that being small is good, then there wouldn’t be a problem, IMHO. True, throughout my childhood/adolescence I was worried about being too tall (in fact, nothing outstanding - 169 cm, but gosh, how I suffered). Children often perceive their peculiarity painfully. And they can always find a reason to worry. If your height is average, then maybe your nose is too big (small)? Or mouth? Or ears? In general, we have a lot of body parts, and there is room for imagination.
Maybe this is all life experience, nothing to worry about? It seems that all this affects you more, you remember your little self and relive your negative experience, but your daughter worries much less, and some experiences are normal. Walk inappropriately joyfully all the time and mean that “I’m the best, make way!”?
Switch to “yours”, i.e. someone teases, but you have a friend, a social circle where they are friendly, this is great. It is important to have your own interests, hobbies, social circle, but you won’t be able to be “good” everywhere and to everyone.
Such fantasies work well for us: someone important and grown-up also wears such a jacket (for example, really wears it or can wear it), and this “expert” approaches him with his opinion. It's funny and understandable.
We can say that the opinion of real experts is important, the experience of people who have achieved success is important. If you have your own area of interest, why not learn from those who know. Only these achievements must be really supported, but again “to taste and color...”.
Conversations in this vein.
With a jacket (clothing): before buying, discuss trends, choose what you want, but immediately say that fashion is changing, you may not keep up. Basic things are classic, accessories are in the latest fashion. It's easier to comply that way. Let's talk about women's secrets, how to look fashionable, modern and confident. You may not need to see a stylist, but it’s very useful to read such literature, it’s about your style, your color scheme, what suits whom, that everyone is different, how to emphasize your advantages. More positive and “what can you do” rather than “that’s how they are.” After all, this school is the most beautiful, but what about the other? Criteria?? Who is the best? Self-confidence (you write that you want this, but this is a negative quality) can cause rejection, they will tease you, and they will not be friends.
How to increase your husband's self-esteem? Wife and husband. Family relationships. I won’t tell you what to do with a specific husband, he is now having a midlife crisis layered on top of your career growth, he is “sausage”, it seems to me that this is generally like in teenagers - hormonal... maybe...
Discussion
Thanks to everyone who responded! I read all your opinions with great attention. And I will read it again to put things in order in my conservatory, and in my life too. You are all incredibly wonderful and smart. Happy holidays and good mood!
12/18/2012 23:12:16, Author18.12.2012 16:12:12
Teasing, name-calling, extortion, fights. And the ears are long, and the last name is funny, and there is no need to talk about the fact that the clothes are not as they should be. For any child, a new team is a big emotional burden and additional stress. Woman.ru will tell you how to teach your child to respond to ridicule. For any child, a new team is a big emotional burden. It is no secret that children who attended kindergarten adapt to school much better. For them it is already...
how to overcome jealousy - how to increase self-esteem. I really, really need help and sober thoughts. Those. You need to replace all your negative thoughts with your “good” behavior. 04/06/2012 13:12:30, method.
Discussion
I see many people have written to you that this behavior is abnormal - IMHO, it’s not so... (IMHO, what’s abnormal is something that can threaten others - or actions directed at others, against their will - you don’t do anything like that) In this case, there are just as many abnormal people , or even more than normal;) In this case, what is the norm?... Another thing is important - it torments you. Something needs to be done about this. Accept yourself first of all, unlike others. Everyone is different, they just try to be more or less similar to others in behavior. Accept yourself as jealous, scandalous - anyone, you have the right to do all this... And accept your husband and his reactions to your eccentricities. I don’t know, I can also be jealous and have a row - but I don’t blame myself for it and I don’t see anything terrible in it. IMHO, as little soul-searching and introspection as possible. This is how you can definitely go crazy, I think - there is no bottom - you can dig ad infinitum if you set a goal. Some things you just have to accept - that it is so)
About your husband - he really can fall in love and you can - and all this can happen in absolutely any family. No one is immune from this. But it's not the end of the world - it's just life. There is no need to be afraid of her)
In your posts there is a lot of “I want what he wants” - listen to this yourself;) You understand what you want - live as you want, do not build your life around your husband. Not “if he, then I...” You don’t have to be able and want to flirt, be super independent, etc. You are who you are, unlike anyone else. When you understand this and allow yourself to be anything, with any mood, life becomes much easier. And it becomes easier and easier to understand and accept others) I may not have stated it very clearly, but I hope you will understand me correctly... You are now under the weight of enormous guilt, for your actions - not terrible and not bad... What your husband does is he He does everything himself, you are in no way to blame for some of his actions... “Pushed him into betrayal and so on” - that’s all, IMHO, bullshit - you can push in the direction of someone who is moving in that direction, IMHO again. Live next to your husband, not HIM) You are not a horror, and not a destroyer of the family - I think so)
Here) everything said is just my opinion, not for debate)
This is a kind of postpartum syndrome. You need to take care of yourself. Love yourself as you are and correct what you don’t like. The most important thing in a woman (well, if we consider appearance) is well-groomed. This is exactly what a woman who has just recently given birth often lacks. But you still try - manicure, pedicure, hairstyle - everything should be on the level, pump up your abs, buy yourself some beautiful underwear. Your look will change and your husband will notice it. (even if he doesn’t appreciate all of the above). And repeat to yourself like a mantra - I am the most charming and attractive. I gave birth to such a beautiful baby for us. All the changes in my body were worth it. I'm a great wife and mom.
So we gave away our boy... This is somehow not how I imagined it. I imagined a happy photo on the platform: a smiling boy happily clinging to his dad, a satisfied dad hugging his son, a noisy crowd of children joyfully waving after the departing train... Which takes Ali to a bright future, to his family, to real life. After all, in essence, life in a foster family was not real for Ali. It was too much for him, this way of life imposed by our family. Intensive...
Discussion
What are we talking about, the boy needs a man in the family, despite all the embittered attitude of dad towards Danila, Danila is always on his side in any dispute, even when I know that he thinks differently, always dad ####, if there is a choice to go somewhere with me or him will go with him, even when I say that we will live separately with dad, he still says that he will go to him, why the hell do they need these dads, damn it, this is a craving not so much for the parent as for the male sex, you have a slightly different case, your dad doesn’t go to school, it’s scary to think that that Chuchmek won’t be able to provide him with what he needs; Well, the kid might get a roof over his head, a piece of meat, and that’s it, the rest is in the hands of the kid himself
But here’s a question: if you had a real man in your family, would this life still be unreal for him?
Thank you very much everyone for your words of support and attention to the topic! Ali is probably already home, there was a plane yesterday. Everyone there was waiting for him, numerous relatives, grandparents and younger brothers.
You want to know how to increase your self-esteem, but you are not interested in how to deal with tantrums. It’s either mental or bad manners and promiscuity. Yes, also as a way of manipulation.
There are two ways to increase self-esteem - increase achievements or reduce aspirations. That's the whole mechanism. At first it’s useful to be a “star”, it sets your mind straight, and then you need to bring all this into line with reality.
Discussion
yes, her life will improve, life will become more comfortable, but nothing around (in the universe) will change, or will change slightly for the better, because for one person everything has changed slightly for the better)
A person is treated the way he treats himself, IMHO. Even if Klava is a C-grade auntie, if she behaves like a B+ beauty, then others will perceive her the same way.
And about myself as an example... I have been told more than once (and still do) - “you are beautiful, but your lack of self-confidence simply disfigures you.” I look in the mirror: indeed, I have a completely normal appearance. But...gait, posture, plasticity - everything betrays a painfully shy and insecure person. Behind all of the above, it is truly difficult to discern beauty.
And another example...I quit my job twice. Both times, because it seemed to me that I was doing a terrible job, and it would be better for me to leave on my own than for them to “leave” me. Then, in hindsight, I found out that everyone was happy with my work and regretted my dismissal. And I can give as many such examples from my life as I like. I think that if I had managed to love myself, then everything in my life would have turned out much better. But I can't.
What to do - 1 leave this school without regret, the situation may worsen, 2 a consultation with a psychologist is required with the child, or, if this is not possible, study a lot of materials yourself, engage in training with your daughter that increases self-esteem.
Discussion
My IMHO. Raising other people's children is a completely thankless task. And, I agree with Ket, the child himself does something that provokes the offenders. Two girls stole a third’s notebook and buried it? You need to tell the owner of the notebook who did what. And let her decide whether to complain to the teacher or not. The situation with a portfolio is the same. It surprises me why in these situations the child prefers to contact the teacher rather than other children. In addition, the girl loves to compete at the Olympics (and win!), and is very sensitive to grades. IMHO 100 times, but the child is too dependent on the opinions of adults and wants to earn their approval too much, and this is the root of the problems. Children have always had and have their own subculture, different from the subculture of adults. And such children, too “correct”, dependent on the opinions of adults, are never liked in groups, in any kind. Surely she won’t let you cheat, and she’ll never give you tips on the test, etc. If you change schools, problems can easily move with you. What would I do? To begin with, I would firmly instill in the child that it is impossible to complain to the teacher about other children. But helping classmates in any form is possible and necessary. After the child learns this, either the severity of the problems will go away, or change school so that the new team treats her with an open mind. But in the new team it will be important not to make the same mistakes...
04.12.2008 17:35:36, Lariska from homeI don’t want to escalate the situation, but read it anyway -
http://www.odessaglobe.com/our-digest-full.php?id=1538.
And there are a lot of such cases.
What to do -
1 leave this school without regret, the situation may get worse,
2 consultation with a psychologist is required with the child or, if
there is no way, study a lot of materials yourself,
Do training sessions with your daughter that increase self-esteem.
Complaining to the director or senior manager will not help you, neither they,
you won’t be able to be with your child all the time, but there are gateways,
courtyards, school toilets, read the article, in short, and draw conclusions.
How to increase self-esteem? the same thing as “loving yourself”? (This is post-divorce for me, although a lot of time has passed). So I would like some other ways. Maybe it will outperform quantitatively...
Inflated self-esteem in a child. Situation - a five-year-old girl, a beloved child, spends most of her time in the family (parents, nanny, grandparents often come), every day for 3-4 hours, elective classes/clubs, voluntary.
Discussion
"All people are like people, and I am the queen" =)))
This happens to me very often too. I fight with all my might, trying to prove that other children can do something no worse, and sometimes many times better, than my “Queen”
Your child is at that age when those actions from which he received joy are good, and those actions that he did not manage to perform well are bad.
For us adults, this is a sign of when it’s time for something :)
And, if we are attentive, we will understand when to say what, and when it is better to remain silent altogether :)
Admire those products of a child’s creativity that the child himself is pleased with before your assessment :) Absolutely :)
And where the child himself is dissatisfied, act simply tactfully.
Gradually, the child will learn to analyze his work from his own point of view and from the point of view of the “Spectators”.
And this is the basis of self-confidence :)
Section: Personal impressions (if the teenager cannot bring himself to apologize to his parents). consequences of birth “troubles”, fears of death, failures, children increase self-esteem, because they begin to believe in themselves, and parents learn to respect their children
