How to regain the joy of life: simple ways to cope with depression. How to find meaning in life
) we are convinced that emotions are a connecting link between a person and the outside world, reflect his attitude towards certain events, people, things. “Killing” all emotions and feelings is the same as going blind, deaf and losing contact with reality. But “killing” or softening negative feelings and emotions, especially since they have already fulfilled their informative function, is extremely necessary to improve the quality of life. And this will help bring back joy, a feeling of happiness, harmony into your life.
How do emotions evaluate what is happening and become the cause of our mood?
Before “killing” negative emotions and feelings, let’s think about what we will fill our consciousness with. After all, a holy place is never empty. You've probably heard others say or felt yourself, the state emptiness, emptiness.
The mind, like nature, abhors emptiness. Nature fills the void with love; The mind often resorts to hatred for this. Hatred gives him food. Victor Hugo.
In fact, this is not emptiness at all, but negative emotions. If they are gone, then there will be no emptiness either, and positive emotions will take the place of emptiness, this is natural. Either one or the other.
What place do feelings and emotions occupy in the human psyche (consciousness)? The diagram below shows that thinking and will should help in “killing” negative emotions.
Let's consider the role of thinking in reducing the negative impact of emotions. As mentioned earlier (see the article How to stop suffering? Happiness is to live here and now), we receive the most objective information about the world around us from our senses, and the assessment of certain events is often based on stereotypes of society or views of people from our environment. Therefore, we can afford, especially being an adult and a mature person, “formulate” your attitude to the traumatic situation.
The best option in this case is to have a positive attitude, even towards a negative experience, draw the right conclusions and adjust your behavior in accordance with them. In any case, such rethinking and revaluation will reduce the painfulness of the experience. (See also How to overcome difficulties? Questionnaire Methods of coping behavior by R. Lazarus. and Getting out of difficult situations. Diagnostics of Heim’s coping strategies).
As you can see in the following example (see diagram), negative thoughts, emotions and feelings, or rather negative assessments and pessimistic thoughts, which have turned into a stereotypical reaction to unpleasant events, lead to even greater worries and irrational actions.Obviously, negative emotions do us a disservice and the desire to “kill” them does not arise without reason. 
A good way to “kill” negative thoughts, oddly enough, is through their negative reinforcement, i.e., “punishing” yourself for such thoughts. If you feel sad, sad, melancholy, boredom - 10 push-ups immediately! They told themselves: “I am a failure!” - 10 more push-ups. You may have doubts, but if you try to use this simple technique, you will notice: firstly, your health will begin to improve, and secondly, negative emotions will quickly be replaced by positive ones.
Parable "The habit of running in the morning." My teenage son came home smelling of cigarette smoke. The father exclaimed joyfully:
- Son, I thought you were still little with me, but you’re already an adult - you’re trying to smoke! I didn’t know where to get myself a running partner in the morning, but here he is, grown up! One problem, I get up early, because I have to work at eight in the morning. But it’s okay, since you smoke, it means you’re already an adult, you’ll wake up. Tomorrow morning we will get up early and start!
They ran together for several years. Quite a few years have passed since then, the son is raising his children, but still runs around in the morning, and does not remember why he once started.
Often negative emotions find reinforcement in our past. Create a “new memory” for yourself. Select only the brightest, most joyful moments of life, making a collection of them. They are all proof that you can do anything, you just sometimes forgot about it. Remember more often about your successes and victories, mentally go through them. Often people unwittingly put themselves into a state of depression or despondency using the following strategy: they select some event from their life and mentally say to themselves: “Well, again you were deceived, abandoned, etc.” Pay attention to this mental voice. Often it is either your own or the voice of one of your relatives or friends. Create a short record for yourself instead of such “broken records”. For example: “Bravo, you are great!”, “You are already succeeding!”, “This is only temporary, success is already nearby, reach out and grab it faster!” Come up with at least 5 different “entries” for yourself.
There is another important key to positive emotions through our own body. As previously written, the mind and body are so closely connected that if you change one, you inevitably change the other. If you catch yourself in the wrong mood, take my word for it, there is a way to change it in a matter of minutes. Want to take me at my word? Great!
Stand up, bend over, trying to touch your feet with your hands, and say: “I am a winner!” Don't imagine how it could be, just do it realistically, otherwise you won't understand anything. Well, how did it work out? I have yet to see a single person who really succeeded. Stanislavsky would say: “I don’t believe it!” Now do the opposite. Stand up, raise your arms slightly up and to the sides, straighten your spine, raise your head slightly, as if looking at the sun, feel light in your body and say loudly: “I am a loser!” If you really did this, then you will feel that it will not be possible to say this phrase so that those around you will believe you. Or you need to change your body position.
Negative emotions and tension , arising in the muscles are also interconnected. By reducing the voltage, we lower the degree" feelings and emotions. Therefore, notice which parts of your body are tense and consciously relax them. If it doesn’t work out right away, then do the opposite - first tense these areas as hard as you can, and then relax. The tension-relaxation of the face looks especially spectacular, you can stand near the mirror and practice, lifting your mood (if you have a sense of humor) is guaranteed.
Very simple breathing exercises for first aid when feelings and emotions do not give way. Inhale for 4 counts, hold your breath for 4 counts, then exhale for 4 counts, hold your breath again for 4 counts. This type of breathing brings the body into a state of high efficiency. There is no suitable word in Russian to describe this condition. This is a state when you feel good, your mood is wonderful, your health is excellent, and the work gets done as if by itself. This may not sound very convincing. Just try breathing like this for at least 3-4 cycles. The body itself straightens and mood improves. e! Try this little experiment right now. You will find yourself feeling strong and confident. If something happens to you that makes you angry, just use this exercise. Within a few minutes you will feel a noticeable improvement in your condition.
On the other hand, simple and complex, but equally urgent human needs have not been canceled. And the emotions and feelings that one wants to kill precisely indicate the dissatisfaction of urgent needs (see the table “Human Needs as the Cause of His Emotions” in the article What feelings and emotions exist and what do they mean?).
In this case, the most useful thing is to call on willpower (sounds scary, but everything is much simpler than it seems at first glance) to regulate your behavior, more effective and expedient actions in a difficult situation. Willpower suggests that we react to any situation, especially significant for us, with a short pause, which is conventionally called “count to ten.”
In the meantime, we are aware of what emotion is leading us now and what need it is caused by (see the table “Human Needs as the Cause of His Emotions” in the article What feelings and emotions exist and what do they mean?). This is the first stage, as you already guessed, it is called self-control.
The second step is to consider the pros and cons of controlling your emotions.
The third step of self-control. Realize what other response options you have (besides spontaneous and described above).
Fourth step: imagine what will happen in the future if you do this or that way.
And the last, fifth stage. Take action!
Let's look at an example:
(Click to enlarge)
Strong negative emotions, such as anger or the desire to cry, cannot be restrained! It is not enough to realize them; they must be released, but only in a smart way.
In this case, an effective way to relieve tension, especially if you cannot shout or stamp your feet immediately (if there is such an opportunity, then you need to take advantage of it), is to express your thoughts and feelings in writing. Make sure that no one will disturb you, take a few sheets of paper and start writing down all the thoughts that come into your head and the feelings that dominate you right now. Write with abbreviations, incomplete sentences, as you wish, the main thing is that it conveys the essence of your experiences, reflects your feelings and emotions. Be as sincere as possible with yourself - no one needs to read what you write now except you. By pouring all the negativity onto paper, you will tear up and throw away everything you wrote. You may notice that the words “I want, I must, I must,” or “I don’t want, I shouldn’t” will slip into your notes. In any case, when describing a situation that worries you, you stop going in circles, as you would if you just continued to think about it and stress yourself out, you will notice that after splashing out negative emotions on paper, you will begin to get to the essence of resolving the difficulties that have arisen. Sometimes it is necessary to do this exercise several times, but you will feel the effect of relieving tension after the first time.
The best thing is when you get rid of negative feelings and emotions both mentally (by writing the “letter” suggested above) and at the bodily level, i.e. relieve muscle tension, do a breathing exercise, hit a pillow, cry, scream, go to the gym.
You can’t kill emotions completely - you can restrain them and spend all your strength and your whole life on it, or you cantransform into energywhich will give you back the joy of life. More precisely, she will automatically return, if you release all the negative emotions and feelings. And do this always.
How to bring back the joy of life?
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How to restore the meaning of life? How to live and not exist? Experts from Signorina magazine offer 15 rules that will help fill your life with meaning if your everyday life has begun to incomprehensibly resemble the famous movie “Groundhog Day.”
Jack London said: “A person must live, not just exist.” We often live on autopilot: we go through the motions, accepting everything as it is, and each subsequent day of our life passes exactly the same as the previous one. Everything seems to be normal, but you catch yourself thinking that something definitely needs to change.
Below you will learn how to get rid of your routine and start living a real life.
1. Take a closer look at people that are relevant to your life. Often you don't notice that they are doing certain things for you. It is not right. You should be grateful that there are loving people next to you who think and care about you. You never know how much they mean to you until the day comes when they leave you forever. Appreciate those who are close to you, and it will be easier for you to find other close people. Appreciate your life and you will definitely see how beautiful it is.
2. Avoid communicating with people you don't like. If you allow more harm than good to come to you, it will throw you off balance before you figure out what's really going on. Don't pay attention to unconstructive empty remarks. No one in this world has the right to judge you. They may have heard about your problems, but they could not feel them. Don't take to heart what others say about you. But you have the power to make it clear what should be said in your presence and what should not be said. It is up to you whether the poisonous statements of others can hurt you.
3. Accept the fact that the past cannot be returned. Don't let the past be present in your present and future life. The past cannot be changed or forgotten. Even if you have made some mistakes, you just have to accept it as a fact. All people make mistakes, and everyone has something to regret. To build the future, you need to be in the present time, and not in the ephemeral past.
4. Forgive those who offended you. And don't trust them anymore. Hate takes up too much time and energy that could be better spent on those dear people who love you. Firstly, asking for forgiveness is the privilege of the brave, and secondly, the opportunity to be the first to take a step forward will bring you joy. Be brave! Be strong! Be happy! Be free!
5. Listen to your inner voice. Life is a journey for the brave. Otherwise there is no point in living. We can never become who we want if we do what others want us to do. Therefore, it is important to be able to hear yourself, and not others. Do only as your heart tells you. This path is yours and yours alone. Others can walk alongside you, but alas... they cannot walk in your place. Appreciate every day of life. Good days will bring you joy, bad days will bring you experience, and the worst days will teach you the best life lessons.
6. Embrace change with joy life and enjoy it. The most important thing is to let go of what you are used to and move towards something new. We need to stop worrying and doubting. You have to believe that everything will work out. Enjoy the changes happening in your life. Sooner or later you will achieve your goal.
7. Treat those who love you well. They love you even when, it would seem, there is nothing to love you for. Love them mutually. Even if there seems to be nothing to love them for.
8. Love yourself. If you love your children despite the mess they create; if you love your mother, despite her love of reading morals; if you love your father despite his self-confidence; if you love a brother who is always late; if you love a friend who forgot to repay a debt, you can love imperfect people. Therefore, you can love yourself too.
9.Do what will be useful to you in the future. If you spent a whole day of your life on any activity, the results of this work should be useful to you in the future. Don't waste your time.
10. Be grateful to your destiny for living without problems. The rich are divided into two types: those who have what they want to have, and those who have what they have. We must accept circumstances as they are and enjoy the present moment of life. If you stop complaining about problems, you will be happier. Perhaps there will be dark days in your life, and then you will need to fight for your happiness.
11. Don't forget to have fun. Don't fill your life with only work. This state of affairs leads to anxiety and other negative emotions. There must be time left for entertainment and joy.
12. Enjoy the little things. Watch the sunset or just be with your family. Enjoy these simple events. After all, it may happen that now you do not appreciate these moments of life, and then you will look back and realize how much you have lost.
13. Be yourself. If you are different from others in some way, you should not get rid of it. Uniqueness is priceless. In this crazy world where everyone is trying to make you like others, you have to find enough courage to be yourself. And when they laugh at you as a “black sheep,” laugh back. Being yourself isn't easy, but it's worth it. This is your special value!
14. Be smart about your relationships with other people. The best relationships are not the ones where everything is fine. The best ones are those where there are obstacles, trust and love. A truly loving person does not just talk about love, he shows it in action. Take your time to fall in love. Look for love and wait. Don't let the fear of loneliness stop you from being free. If you find a mate out of fear of loneliness, this is not love. A good relationship is worth waiting for.
15. Let go of the situation. It is not always possible to correct what has been done. For example, if a relationship has ended, there is no point in trying to restore it. All the same, it will no longer be the way it was before.
Behind the flickering of vanity, people often lose the original meaning of life. We are accustomed to taking it for granted only because we do not know anything better or worse. But life is the most amazing thing that has happened to us. Having understood yourself, your feelings and desires, and set new goals for yourself, you will be able to enjoy this gift to the fullest.
Every person is born on earth with a specific purpose. It can be grandiose and associated with a scientific discovery that is very important for humanity, or it can be determined by the birth and upbringing of children. Whatever a person’s purpose, he is always interested in how to find the meaning of life? The significance of this issue is difficult to overestimate, since moving along someone else’s path will lead to a feeling of emptiness and will cause an unwillingness to live and resist everyday adversity.
How to find purpose and meaning in life
Despite the fact that it is not so easy to decide on the meaning of life and your place in life, the game is worth the candle, because in the end a person will not only find something he likes, but will also begin to improve more and more at it. At the same time, he will passionately want to live, love and be happy.
In searching for yourself, you should not rely on reason, but rather turn to your feelings, because only they can tell us the right path, because only the soul is aware of the purpose of our birth.
A person who is disappointed and at a dead end should stop and postpone achieving his goal for a while, and simply listen to himself and start working on developing his own sensitivity. The results of the classes will definitely appear after some time if you regularly and patiently follow these recommendations:
To find the meaning of life, when a person wakes up in the morning, the first thing he should ask himself is what does he want? Then, carefully listening to your feelings, try to understand your desires.
You should not be upset if in the first days of communicating with yourself, a person does not receive any information about his desires. This is explained by the fact that such a human quality as sensitivity atrophies if it is not used for a long time. With a little practice, you can learn to understand your desires without experiencing any difficulties.
You should not be afraid of the novelty that desires bring into human life, and, obeying them, you can try yourself in completely unknown areas of activity, for example, learning to knit or paint a landscape.
Now that you know the solution to the difficult problem of how to find the meaning of life, you can safely begin to search for yourself. Even small training sessions, which only take a few minutes, can bring quick and significant results on the complex and necessary path of self-knowledge.
The problem of finding the meaning of life
“Recently, my son (he is 16 years old) began to often ask questions on the topic “what is the meaning of life.” He asks: “Why do we live, why do people live in general, why were we born?”
I’m at a loss and don’t know how to explain all this to him, if only I could figure it out myself... The problem is that his dad left us more than six months ago. He moved to live with his mother, he is the only one she has, and she just recently moved to our city. Now the husband lives there, legally meets with his beloved, and plans to file a legal divorce.
This is another problem, although they are all tied into one ball. The father sees his son weekly and comes on weekends. They communicate a little: they talk, he gives some advice, answers questions. But not enough, in my opinion. Well, these are apparently the needs, I accept it as a fact.
Well, at least this is there. They support us financially: the father buys his son clothes and something else. During the week, as a rule, they do not call each other. My son has friends, his first hobby (without reciprocity). School performance is average.
Another difficulty is that until recently I was too protective of my son, I realized my mistake late, the child has already grown up. By the way, this is the root of the problems with my husband, it is clear as day - I, too, gradually looked after him more and more year after year. And he seemed to be happy with it... And the natural ending came, and the reason also became visible late.
Now, due to the current situation, I have set goals for myself in life, including the main one - my son should see a happy, independent, successful mother - a person, and not an exhausted, unhappy creature. Yes, it's very difficult for me. Almost a lot of things have to be built anew. But you have to live. We need to find the meaning of life.
I am gradually removing the pressure on my son. He became more independent and responsible during these six months. Of course, it’s late, it would have been earlier... Maybe that’s why there are questions about the meaning of life? And how to answer these questions from your son? To all my arguments about a career, about the pursuit of happiness, about taking a worthy place in life (he agrees with this), he answers: “And then what, well, finally, will I achieve it, and for what? What is a sense of life?" Maybe I should keep an eye on him so that he doesn’t accidentally become some kind of drug addict?
Larisa Koleichik."
To the question: what is the meaning of life, psychologist Elena Poryvaeva answers:
Most likely, you have already formulated your own life goals, but have not yet accepted them internally. And all the words about these goals still, perhaps, sound a little false. Therefore, start by finally understanding your own meaning in life...
Then - if you really remove the pressure on your son - why should you look for the meaning of his life for him? This is really a purely individual thing. Let him decide for himself what the meaning of life is. And “monitoring” your son for some reason is also part of directive guardianship: and if in general you watch your children too much, they are more likely to turn to drugs as a result of this surveillance...
“Now I’m going through a difficult moment in my life, estrangement from my adult married daughter, jealousy of her husband’s parents. After analyzing my life, I came to the conclusion that I was a bad mother, unconsciously trying to manipulate my children, believing that I was taking care of them. I understood this, but what to do next?
Help, because my relationship with my adult married daughter has gone wrong, and I can’t live like this, I don’t see the point. To look for a new meaning in life, for this there is no strength, no desire, no faith, only pain and emptiness. Before my daughter’s marriage, it seemed that we had a good relationship with our children, understanding, closeness; this makes it even harder, but where is the way out?
Elena Potato."
To the question: how to find the meaning of life, psychologist Elena Poryvaeva answers:
Let's start with the main thing. You ask for help, but, in fact, you don’t specify what? You don’t see the point in “living like this,” and you don’t have the strength or desire to look for a new meaning in life... It’s encouraging, however, that you write “not yet.” But while this “for now” works, excuse the tautology, I’m afraid not a single specialist will be able to help you from the outside with “a new meaning to your life.”
The famous psychotherapist Viktor Frankl said that “the meaning of life cannot be given, it is sought by the person himself.” Thus, it turns out that until the desire and strength “appear” to seek this meaning of life, no meaning will come from outside: everything that is offered to you with a very high probability will seem “imposed” on you and will be rejected by you.
Imagine, say, the following situation: someone advises you to “get busy with your personal life, join a cutting and sewing club, get a dog...” What will you answer to such people? By the way, the same dog and even “personal life” may well be steps towards solving the problem, but not the first.
Joy inspires and gives a feeling of fulfillment in life. But suddenly something breaks and she leaves. Do you know the feeling of hopelessness and apathy? To cope with it, you need to understand its true cause.
Fatigue is the simplest and most common reason that the world around us ceases to be enjoyable. Feelings become dull, everything seems gray and monotonous. And the only recipe in this case is to have a good rest.
Sometimes it seems to us that we live a very boring life. Artists (showmen, politicians, journalists...) have an interesting and rich life, not like mine, we think. The paradox is that writers, artists, performers, and pop stars are all equally tired of what they do every day. No matter who you are, from time to time you need to break out of everyday reality and change the picture. Take a vacation and go further away - to another city, another country. Free yourself from your usual routine. Breathe the air of freedom. Learn new things. Often this step can restore strength and bring back the joy of each day.
The simplest and most common reason that the world around us ceases to be enjoyable is fatigue. Feelings become dull, everything seems gray and monotonous. And the only recipe in this case is to have a good rest.
But it happens that the blues become chronic. Complete disappointment, reluctance to do anything, awareness of the meaninglessness of life - these are the symptoms of this condition. We lose joy in one case: when we cannot use life to satisfy our needs, says psychoanalytic therapist Eduard Livinsky. - A person perceives the world through the prism of what he can influence. And if he satisfies other people’s desires and sacrifices his own, then he feels frustration. But this is exactly how we are raised! You go to work where no one is going to think about your personal needs. You live in a society that is focused on the accumulation of capital, and if you have different values, you have to break yourself. Joy is always the joy of doing your own work, being active for yourself among like-minded people.
6 ways to shake yourself up and want to live
If everyday life has become boring, you need to look for a way to diversify it. Just don’t sit idly by: apathy doesn’t go away on its own!
- Go on a trip. A change of environment and new experiences expand the boundaries of perception. All sensations become several times sharper. And there is time to think about what, in fact, is important to you.
- Get a pet. Caring for a small defenseless creature - even a turtle - gives each of us the necessary feeling of being needed. The animal is entirely dependent on the owner: you will begin to receive joy when you feed it, stroke it, communicate with it.
- Go to church for a service. Even if you are not a religious person, try to attend the service, listen to the prayers and understand yourself better. People often find peace and harmony after attending church. It's not even a matter of ritual, but of returning to oneself.
- Invent a new hobby. Ask yourself: what is important to you, what have you always wanted to do and what have you denied yourself? And take this step: sign up for a dance class or a theater studio, start learning professional photography. There is nowhere to put it off any further.
- Mini home renovation idea. At least rearrange the furniture and redo the wallpaper. Firstly, you will undoubtedly be distracted, and secondly, by transforming and updating your home, you yourself will want to be internally renewed.
- Help those who have a harder time. When we do good, we always feel joy. We are transformed, becoming cleaner and brighter. A visit to a sick friend, help for your mother, a few kind words to your neighbor... And maybe some volunteer work.
Pamper your body - your soul will thaw
Bodily pleasures can be an excellent therapy for apathy. To do this, turn everyday procedures into a pleasant ritual. The simplest things that we often do in a hurry can give moments of genuine joy. For example, peeling: there is so much pampering and sensuality in treating the body with a fragrant scrub! The same can be said about Ayurveda’s favorite ritual of oiling, for which any slightly warmed oil is suitable (you can take olive oil and add a few drops of essential oil to your taste). It makes sense to take a course of oil massage or several sessions of stone therapy - massage with heated stones. During such procedures, we focus on our sensations and learn to enjoy touch and tactile contact. The body relaxes, unnecessary thoughts go away along with tension. We take care of ourselves - and this gives us confidence!
There are times when sadness just rolls in. Psychologists advise not to hide from it under fake fun, but to fully experience the emotions.
- Listen to yourself
If at this moment you feel sadness and melancholy, surrender fully to these difficult feelings. You have a right to them.
- Find a suitable activity
Perhaps it's time to watch a sentimental movie or look through your diary from ten years ago. Or just cry into your pillow. By the way, tears have a cleansing effect.
- Think that this will pass
No matter how bad it gets, you should always look for a thread to cling to. This thread is our hope for tomorrow, that everything will change for the better and we will be in great shape. Think about good things even in the most difficult periods - and they will certainly happen to you!
Take a brush in your hands
Art therapy (healing through art) - popular in last years method of psychotherapy. Blues, apathy, lack of interest in life are direct indications of it. The simplest technique is to try to express your emotions in a drawing.
Depict, for example, your melancholy, and then your joy - and compare these two pictures, mentally transferring yourself to a field of joy. If you are overwhelmed with negative emotions, you can even create a sculpture from paper, old newspapers, pieces of wallpaper, and then paint it in sunny colors - try to transform the negative into positive. What is good about art therapy? Firstly, you express your emotions, which means they do not accumulate inside you. Secondly, you pull the problem out and distance yourself from it. And thirdly, the creative process itself is healing and will completely capture you! In addition to isotherapy, there are many other techniques: music, dance, fairy tale, photo, game, drama and even sand therapy.
Where to look for life energy
To bring color back to the world, you need to start doing something. Not for someone - for yourself. Find the area where your efforts will not be fruitful. Seeing the result of your work, you will want to live again!
A job that does not bring joy and serves only to earn money, a relationship in which the intensity of feelings has long been dulled, constant busyness and haste, many small household chores... How to break this vicious circle? You need to find an area where you can fully realize your abilities, and your perception of life will change.
The main task of any of us is to allow our self to do something valuable for itself. Therefore, any activity that brings you pleasure can relieve you of the blues! The most difficult thing remains: finding something for the soul. The trouble is that we often deactivate our own self so much that it loses the ability to create desires. In this case, psychologists recommend remembering what brought you joy in childhood. Sewing outfits for dolls, creating collages, sculpting, drawing - it was sure to be an exciting activity. And then cast aside doubts and false shame (they say, I’m no longer a child) and indulge in what I love! Even if you don't feel inspired at first.
It is very important not to isolate yourself. Find people with similar problems so you have someone to talk to. Look for those who share your hobbies, fortunately now this is easy to do using the Internet. But communication should not be limited to the virtual world: it is imperative to go into reality!
Each of us needs to be appreciated and accepted by others. Therefore, find an opportunity to participate in those collective events where your activity will be welcomed! A lonely person can go on a group tour of the city: a friendly atmosphere, an exchange of opinions - and now you are no longer alone! For a young mother who feels like life is passing her by, it is enough to organize a party at home, invite friends with children - and she will perk up, advises Eduard Livinsky. - Life without meaning is a sure road to depression.
Set goals and achieve them, and this activity will bring you out of your emotional stupor. Write down five goals focused on your own needs - what you will do for your soul and good mood.
IMPORTANT! Any communication with children will bring you pleasure and sincere joy if you put aside all matters and devote some time completely to the child. Teach him something, discover a new meaning for his favorite activities. Nothing pleases us more than the success of our children.
Give children joy
The most common cause of apathy and depression is infantility. A person expects life to give him all the joys, not wanting to act on his own. Meanwhile, life requires effort, otherwise it turns into a swamp. Look for new meanings of existence for yourself. One of them may be caring for children who do not have parents. If you're lonely and not too happy right now, give some warmth to those who really need it! Going to the nearest orphanage on the weekend and reading a fairy tale to the kids, talking to older children - this will not require any special expenses. But the impact can be very strong. You will feel that someone needs you, that someone is happy to see you, someone is waiting for you. Which means there is meaning to live!
The Art of Gratitude
Any person feels happy when his efforts are accepted - whether at work or in the family. Imagine that you prepared a delicious lunch, having spent the whole day working at the stove, and your relatives ate it with bland expressions and did not even thank you - where can you be happy? Therefore, at home - in our microcosm, where we ourselves establish orders - we need to cultivate a culture of gratitude.
Teach your children, husband and learn to appreciate what they have done for you. Say thank you!, feeling this warm feeling inside yourself. And thank life for what it gives you.
Experience difficulties. And overcome with honor!
Everything is good, but everything is boring - the blues of satiety, there is no other way to put it. She's being treated!
Live in extreme conditions. For example, go camping with tents. The world will turn upside down. You will begin to notice things that you did not pay attention to before. And many problems will turn out to be unimportant.
Learn another language. Communication during courses greatly broadens your horizons. And your head will be busy - not to the point of apathy.
Start running. Minimum 3 km per day. It's not easy to tear yourself away from the TV - the favorite pastime of all those who are moping. But what joy you will feel every time you finish your run! Including the fact that endorphins are released into the blood during running.
Life story
My niece brought me out of my apathy
Just two years ago, Poltava resident Diana (26 years old) was seriously depressed. She, pregnant, was left by her loved one. She lost her child from frustration. And these were not all the trials that befell her!
At first everything worked out wonderfully. Having learned that I was expecting a child, Denis proposed to me. We had already invited guests to the wedding, when suddenly at night we quarreled over a trifle. And Denis... disappeared. And I soon ended up in the hospital. The baby was not saved.
I hated men. She lived in chronic apathy. Nothing made me happy. I went to work only because I had to live on something. One day I was walking home tired and thinking: I want to go to the hospital with a sore throat. Our negative attitudes are coming true: I slipped unluckily and ended up in intensive care. I was paralyzed, the doctors said that now I would lie down. But a miracle happened: I got back on my feet. I left the hospital knowing that I couldn’t get pregnant for three years.
My sister just had a daughter. And she invited me to her place in Kyiv.
She offered to change her life and stay with her, help with Karina. At first I refused, but six months later I quit my job and moved in with my sister. At first I was afraid to touch the baby. But soon I could easily change her diapers and could stay with her for the whole day. Communication with this sun charged me with energy. We walked with her for a long time, played, I read books to her. Somehow I caught myself thinking that I want the same miracle! Karina taught me to smile again. The depression has passed. Now I am looking for a job in the capital and hope to arrange my personal life.
By caring, we find harmony
Caring for plants and animals is a guaranteed way to fall back in love with the world. In Haruki Murakami's acclaimed book "Norwegian Wood," the main character, Naoko, years after losing a loved one, ends up in a closed hospital in the mountains. People who have lost their taste for life - people like her - are treated there not with medications, but with simple activities: growing vegetables, floriculture and poultry farming.
Working near the earth, coming into contact with its creations, watching how sprouts emerge, how fruits ripen, a person draws strength and is charged with vital energy, forgetting about his mental traumas. This primitive activity, despite all the achievements of scientific and technological progress, remains the most natural for us. But where should a city dweller look for a garden or a farm? A good solution is to grow flowers. This hobby does not require a lot of money, but allows you to fully experience the joy of communicating with nature. Flowers are beautiful, they awaken a sense of beauty in us. By caring for them, we free our heads from annoying thoughts, relax and take a break from the hustle and bustle.
Your sources of inspiration
We feel sad when we lack something. And we rejoice when we feel connected to the world and other people. And for this you need not to engage in soul-searching, but to strive to learn new things, to see the world in all its colors. And feel that you are alive!
Watching nature brings joy because it is alive. And depression is nothing more than a loss of life dynamics. Therefore, contemplation of nature is restorative. You watch how the trees bloom, the clouds float, the insects swarm, and you understand: life flows regardless of our small everyday adversities. Against this mesmerizing background, your problems seem insignificant. And nature also instills faith that you can do something as important and natural as a flower blooming or a bee carrying nectar.
Art inspires and demonstrates the diversity of life, showing that not everything around us is gray and monotonous. It also allows us to have our own emotions, pushing us to feel, experience, and catch fire. After all, in essence, art is emotions transfused into sounds, colors, movements. Depression always begins with fear of one’s feelings.
Books and films with a positive plot, dedicated to overcoming obstacles, instill confidence in one’s own strength. If the hero coped with difficulties, then you can do it too! Joy goes away because we cannot process the situation, we get stuck in it. And someone else’s example shows: there is a way out, we must look for it! And the only question is how to do it. If you can’t find a way out on your own, you should talk to a friend, a psychologist, or anyone who can help you look at the problem from the outside. And make sure: there is something to be happy about in life!
Beautiful landscapes evoke unconscious joy, so take advantage of every opportunity to be in nature. Alternate active rest with meditation or contemplation of awakening nature. Enjoy spring!
4 books that will put you in a positive mood
- Osho. Hsin-Hsin-ming: A book about nothing
Our mind creates dreams. To wake up and experience true joy, you need to go beyond the mind. Osho tells how to turn off culturally imposed stereotypes, free yourself from the need for choice and begin to live an authentic life.
- Anna Gavalda. Just together
A kind, wise and life-affirming novel about love and how to find joy in everyday life. All the characters, lonely at first, find their happiness at the end of the plot. And one of its important components is to help another in difficult times.
- Sue Townsend. The Diaries of Adrian Mole
An incredibly funny book, never off the bestseller list, about the adventures of an English teenager who is prone to the blues and fancies himself an intellectual and a talented poet. Sparkling!
- Victor Frankl. Man in search of meaning
An Austrian psychiatrist describes his personal experience of surviving in a concentration camp and shows that even if you find yourself in the most terrible conditions, you can find an incentive to continue living. A serious book that can change your worldview.
Photo in text: Depositphotos.com
Question to a psychologist
Hello! I am 23 years old, I live with my mother, I have never been married, I have no children. For several years now I have been thinking about suicide, and planning it in detail. Of course, I won’t do this while my mother is alive, it would be too selfish, but it’s nice to think about it. It cannot be said that the cause of these thoughts was severe mental pain, rather the reason is that I feel almost nothing and see no meaning in life. Probably nothing happens in my life for a long time, every day it’s the same thing - home - work - home. But even when I forced myself to do something, it still ended up at home watching TV shows, and nothing interested me. I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up. Previously, I was more optimistic and thought that it was always possible to change the situation for the better, but in fact, everything was the same as it was a few years ago, so everything remained with me, everything is changing, people are getting married, having children, and I still watch TV series. .. Tell me how can I find the meaning of life?
Victoria, The truth of life is that the meaning of life cannot be found - you can only create it yourself. I highly recommend that you read Viktor Frankl’s book “Man’s Search for Meaning.” Frankl is a great man worthy of admiration. During the Second World War, he, a Jew by nationality, along with his entire family ended up in a German camp. Almost his entire family was killed by the Germans, people died around him every day, but even in these monstrous conditions he was able to remain human, the meaning of his life was to help others, it was there that the direction of psychology “logotherapy” (therapy of the meaning of life) was born. Indeed, you are right, if you spend all your free time near the TV screen, life will lose all meaning. Almost all people who engage in self-development do not watch TV at all (this phenomenon is called media fasting). Staying at home and watching TV is the safest activity; you don’t need to go out into the world and prove yourself. I think that you should work with your self-esteem, self-love, respect. Suicide is an extreme manifestation of retroflexion (when a person experiences aggression towards an external object, but since it is unsafe to show aggression into the world, he subconsciously redirects it towards himself). Think about who could be such an aggressor in your life. One thing I can say for sure is that you don’t want to die. People who have chosen death do not write letters asking for help. Victoria, find a psychologist and he will help you understand yourself, I assure you that the result may surprise you greatly, good luck! Good answer 3 Bad answer 2
Hello, Victoria. The meaning of life begins with accepting yourself as loved and adored. Then willpower and initiative appear to finally remember what your skills, inclinations, talents are, in order to begin to realize them and enjoy it. Then there will simply be no time for TV series watch. You will be driven by the excitement and energy of life. And victories will develop self-esteem. Unfortunately, your harsh childhood did not allow you to develop these qualities, and you forgot about them. For everyone you look at, these qualities work. And for you while they are sleeping. Wake them up and start worrying about yourself, your loved one. If it doesn’t work out, contact me, I’ll help.
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