How to become a sociable and interesting person. How to learn to be sociable

Communication skills are the ability to quickly establish contacts and build relationships. Sociability – the need for communication and focus on others. Being sociable is more difficult than being in contact with everyone, but this quality is more valuable.

Sociability is often mistaken for sociability, but this is not true. People may not be sociable, while their opposites may have excellent communication skills and a reputation for being sociable.

Sociability is the ability to establish warm, trusting relationships with people, earn their respect and even raise their own self-esteem. A sociable person may turn out to be quarrelsome, tactless, overly talkative, and dealing with such a person is not a pleasant experience.

Being sociable is a big advantage. Sociable people are valued by employers, they enjoy authority among employees, clients and competitors, they are trusted, they are loved by friends and relatives. They have many useful connections, which is important when building a career and personal life; it is easier for them to obtain the necessary information.

And all because, when communicating with people, they establish two-way contact with them and do not put pressure on them with their knowledge, eloquence and significance. They often listen more than they speak, and they are active listeners.

The American actor and screenwriter of the last century, Chauncey DePew, said that no other human ability would allow him to make a career and gain recognition as quickly as the ability to speak beautifully. And the ability to speak beautifully is an indispensable condition for sociability.

Is this an innate character trait? After all, it happens that a grandmother who has lived her whole life in the village has more delicacy and intelligence than a city dweller with two degrees! However, it doesn't matter. The main thing is that if you really want to, you can develop it in yourself.

Be sociable!

1. If you want to be sociable, learn to remain silent

It would seem that remaining silent is so simple. But most people are much worse at remaining silent than at speaking.

Let’s remember the people around us and think about how many of them know how to listen to us silently, without interrupting. Most likely, the fingers of one hand are enough to count them. What about ourselves? Are we able to listen to the interlocutor to the end or are we impatiently waiting for a second pause in his story in order to turn the conversation to a topic that interests us? Do we like to interrupt the narrator in order to finish his thought ourselves? Or interrupt his speech with the words: “I already heard that,” “You already said that,” “I’m not interested in that”?

If we are bad listeners, then only our friends and relatives can get used to and forgive us for this shortcoming, but others will not tolerate it. Therefore, we will never do this in areas of activity where we need to communicate with people.

Being able to listen is not just being silent. After all, you can feign attention by going deep into your own thoughts, and the interlocutor will immediately understand that we are indifferent to him. This will offend him no less than if we interrupt him and “change the record.” We really need to be inspired by his words and show interest by nodding our heads, phrases that will show that we have not lost the thread of the conversation, like: “Who would have thought!”, “You were probably very upset (you were happy),” etc. - depending on the situation. The main thing is to let the person talk.

There are many examples of silent listeners being called excellent conversationalists.

But why should we listen to something that, perhaps, is not at all interesting to us and pretend to pay attention? First, we decided to become sociable. Secondly, if we did not ignore the person, but entered into a conversation with him, then we need him for some reason. But we will not interest him until we ourselves show interest and attention to him.

2. Talk to people about topics that interest them

Why? This question was answered comprehensively. He noticed that there is only one way to influence another person: talk to him about what he wants, what he strives for, and reveal to him the way to get it. To make it completely clear, Carnegie gave an example that was adopted by people involved in sales. It is also called the “strawberries and cream principle.”

Dale Carnegie said that he likes strawberries and cream, and fish like worms and grasshoppers, so when he goes fishing with the intention of catching it, he hooks what the fish likes, not him, that is, a worm, not strawberries . Otherwise, there will be no catch.

This means that if we want to please a person and interest him, we must talk with him on topics that are close to him, and not to us. The subject of his interests can be found out with the help of leading questions. If we guess right, then perhaps we won’t have to speak ourselves, but will only need to actively listen. This way we can maintain a conversation even about things in which we are not particularly competent. People like to feel important, so let's help them with this.

3. Cultivate tolerance

It is impossible to talk with some interlocutors for more than a few minutes because they recognize only a single point of view - their own. And it turns out, as in the joke about instructions for employees: “p. 1. The boss is always right; point 2. If the boss is wrong, see point 1.” What kind of exchange of opinions can we talk about if the interlocutor immediately enters into an argument to prove that he is right!

“Do you want to be right or happy?” the sages ask and advise avoiding arguments. After all, the more we argue, the more fiercely our interlocutor will defend his opinion, so we still won’t prove anything to him. But if we prove it, “pinned to the wall” with ironclad arguments, then we will feel like we are “on horseback”, and he will feel like a fool. And it’s unlikely that he will want to continue getting to know us.

Sociable people refrain from categorical judgments. Even if the dispute is fundamental and we are confident that we are right, it is better to show delicacy so as not to put the other in a humiliating position and give him the opportunity to maintain his dignity. We can say something like: “Until recently, I was sure of this too, but yesterday’s events showed that I was wrong.”

Besides, we can also be mistaken, and the truth will be somewhere in the middle. Therefore, instead of arguing and leaving offended, it doesn’t hurt to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and understand their point of view. For example, two people looking at a rectangular table from different sides - straight and sideways - will have different opinions about its size. And both of them will be right in their own way. So before judging any subject, it is important to have a complete picture about it.

4. Smile

Each of us will be much more willing to do business with a person who has a friendly smile on his face. It is impossible to be sociable and at the same time have a sour expression on your face. People instinctively avoid those from whom ill will emanates.

True, some supporters of natural behavior say that sincere unfriendliness is better than an artificial smile on duty. However, we prefer to communicate with smiling people. And so that our own smile does not seem glued, we “put it on” not immediately, but a second after we see the person for whom it is intended.

5. We try to adapt to the other person’s mood

Communication can be compared to dancing, where you need to get in time with your partner and catch the rhythm of his movement. A sociable person has a skill that allows him to feel the mood of his interlocutor.

For example, we are returning from the store, our hands are busy with shopping, and an acquaintance stops us with a story about how wonderful he spent his vacation. We feel like a squeezed lemon, and it is overflowing with energy. At another time we would be happy to listen to him, but now his animation only causes irritation.

Or we urgently need to finish a report, and a friend is excited about her daughter’s upcoming wedding and is trying to tell us the details. Different energy levels and mismatched moods can provoke a quarrel that both parties will later regret.

A sociable person, before choosing the topic and tone of the conversation, will make sure whether they correspond to what is currently going on in the soul of the person in front of him.

Often, attractive girls endowed with natural charm undeservedly remain forgotten in cheerful companies, sitting on the sidelines or in the shadow of their more perky friends. They remain modestly silent when asked questions and are unable to tell a single funny story. " How to become a sociable person? How to stop being reserved and become the life of any company?“- girls who have difficulty communicating often come to us, not only with strangers, but even with those they know well.

Let’s say right away: it’s not that simple, but nothing is impossible for a person with intelligence! By setting yourself the task of increasing your communication skills, that is, the ability to communicate with other people and quickly find a common language with them, it is quite possible to achieve real results, you just need to want to!

How to become sociable if you are afraid of people?

Some prefer, surrounding themselves with the closest people, to sit inside their “hole” and not even try to stick their nose out. “Why do I need this?” - they ask. For these people, sociability is not a problem; they simply do not need it.

For everyone else, the presence of friends, acquaintances, work colleagues is simply vital, and not just presence, but daily communication, exchange of information and life experience. A person is a creature that lives and interacts with others of his own kind, such is life.

One girl said: “I'm afraid of people! In a store, it’s very difficult for me to even ask the price of a product; in a university classroom, I can’t even utter a word in front of my classmates under the mass of glances, and being the first to speak to a stranger is out of the question!”

When I began to find out the reason for this “fear of people,” I found out that in the lower grades, at a children’s matinee, she forgot her rhyme, stumbled and was ridiculed, not only by the kids from her group, but also by their parents. This episode became the “anchor” that for a long time crossed out for the girl the opportunity to feel free among other people, constantly dragging her into the past. Gradually we were able to rid her of her previous fears and fears of becoming funny, so everything can be solved!

If you cannot yet determine on your own what the reason for your indecisiveness in communication is, you should definitely contact a professional psychologist. Believe me, a few sessions are often enough to completely change a person’s life.

Why develop communication skills and become sociable?

Unfortunately, some individuals tend to be mistaken when they say: “I can live without communicating with someone else!”

• If you work, your career is unthinkable without constantly being in communication with partners, colleagues, clients and many other people. The ability to most accurately formulate the necessary thoughts, express them without fear, and find the required words in situations that require an unforeseen or unusual solution is an indispensable condition for your career advancement to be successful.
• Gaining the respect of people around you in various situations is impossible without having to defend your views and your point of view from time to time. For example, in conflict or controversial situations you cannot do without expressing your views and arguments, because this is how you can avoid quarrels and conflicts. Being able to put your arguments into the right words, to prove that you are right without affecting the interests of other people, is very important in our troubled lives.
• Being attractive to the opposite sex and being an interesting conversationalist for men is another reason why many girls strive to improve their level of communication skills. And this is right, because in communication you can get to know a person better, his personality traits and finally understand whether he is your soul mate or just a fellow traveler!

It happens that a person is already born with the talent of communication; even as a child, he easily and willingly comes into contact with peers and even adults. But many people learn this art all their lives. I hope that with our help everything will work out for you!

And lastly, remember that sociability can only be sincere and honest; if a person is a hypocrite, likes to lie and strives by any means to be the center of attention, believe me, hardly anyone will want to meet with such an interlocutor again. Be open, honest, remember that no two people are the same, everyone has their own “cons” and “pros”. Learn to be patient with other people's shortcomings, and then they will more often notice your strengths. Good luck!

The modern world is often unfair and cruel. People who are insecure and closed often remain outsiders. The problem of communication is especially problematic in youth. Guys and girls cannot find friends, defend their opinions, they are not interesting to their peers. How to become more sociable? You need to develop communication skills, fight your own complexes and insecurities. At first glance, such a task seems impossible. But if you approach the matter responsibly, perform special exercises and use the advice of psychologists, you can see the result in a couple of weeks - the interest and recognition of others.

Why am I so uncommunicative?

Many explain their lack of sociability by banal complexes or insecurity. In reality, the problem is always deeper. Understanding yourself is sometimes not easy. It’s not very pleasant to remember, much less admit, any negative facts. But it is extremely important to do this, otherwise all classes will resemble fighting with windmills. Most often, unsociability hides:

What to do?

How to become a sociable and talkative person, the soul of any company? First of all, you need to get rid of uncertainty and start opening up to people, accepting yourself as you are.

There are no ideal people; everyone has positive and negative traits. There are some things that a person can fix, but there are some things that he can’t. You need to work on yourself, improve yourself, but not avoid communicating with people.

Exercises

In our age, there are many methods and exercises for developing communication skills. If funds allow, it is better to go to group classes. But you can learn something on your own. We offer 3 exercises that will help you become a sociable person:

Author's advice. When I was 15 years old, I dreamed of becoming a sociable, talkative girl, but I didn’t know how. I was tight and embarrassed all the time. The change of environment helped me. My parents and I went to the seaside and I met one girl, and then her whole group. I just asked where I could go here. Then the conversation started naturally. After staying at sea for 2 weeks, I gained a lot of communication experience and realized that I can be an interesting and cheerful conversationalist. Therefore, I can advise you to just start talking to people, put aside your fear, and then it’s a matter of practice.

Becoming sociable is not so difficult; all you need to do is start talking to others. It’s much harder to not be considered boring or annoying. To earn a reputation as an interesting, sociable and cheerful person, you need to listen to the advice of psychologists:

Finally, I would like to give one more small, but very important piece of advice. A sociable person makes no effort to start a conversation. He doesn't need any templates or rules. He enjoys communication. Therefore, all you need is to want to share your opinion, useful and not so useful information with people. Good luck!

Irina, Vladivostok

Openness is one of the most attractive human traits. Closed, secretive people cause wariness and are difficult to contact. But isolation often weighs heavily on the loner, and he tries to understand how to become an open person, how to communicate freely and easily in any company. It’s worth first understanding what openness is.

What does openness mean?

Openness in psychology is understood as spiritual generosity, the ability to share one’s thoughts and feelings with others, and the ability to accept any person into one’s social circle. However, these qualities that are attractive to others are just the tip of the iceberg. And if you want to understand how to become a more open person, then you need to understand the deep psychological characteristics of these people. Here are the most important ones.

Knowing how to become an open person can help you enjoy life more.

• Extraversion is an individual’s orientation towards the world, acceptance of the world, and not just sociability, but sincere pleasure from contacts with others.
• High emotional tone and optimism. The positive emotions experienced by extroverts not only attract people to them, but also infect them with energy and good mood.
• Self confidence. This quality allows a person not to be afraid to freely express his opinion, share thoughts and feelings.
• Communication skills. Communication is the natural element for an open personality. Such a person is fluent in basic communication means; their choice occurs almost on an intuitive level. These people are called the soul of the party, they are charming and at the same time convincing, capable of not only entertaining, but also captivating with their ideas.
• Sincerity. This concept is often identified with honesty, but it is deeper and closely related to positive emotions. The word “sincerity” comes from “spark” - a bright fire burning in the soul and reflected in the eyes. He attracts an open person and makes him believe.

Most of these qualities are based on individual psychological characteristics. There are people who were already born with the makings of an open personality. But is it possible to develop these qualities? Can a closed person, squeezed in the grip of conventions and his own complexes, change? Yes maybe. But for this he must want to change and make efforts to do so.

The main difficulty is not even the need to change yourself. The fact is that “openness”, “sociability” are the qualities that other people see in us. And changing the already formed opinion of others, their stereotype of perception, is very difficult. But if you decide to create a new image for yourself, then do not back down and follow the advice of psychologists.

How to become an open and sociable person? You need to communicate as much as possible.

• Learn to take criticism towards yourself calmly and with humor, laugh at yourself without waiting for others to do it. In any community there are envious people and ill-wishers; the most effective weapon against them is a sincere smile.
• To become an open and sociable person, you need to communicate. Expand your circle of contacts. But not in social networks, where image formation is just a game, but in reality.
• Show interest in others and do it actively, but unobtrusively. Try to listen carefully, show interest, and do not shy away from the opportunity to help or support in some way. Accustom yourself to be useful to people, not for the sake of some benefit, but just because.
• Learn to talk about yourself. In a conversation, remember an interesting incident, story, example from your life, share your successes, complain about mistakes. Just don't complain - people often don't like to hear about other people's problems.
• Try to use the maximum number of means of communication: facial expressions, especially smiles, gestures, intonation, speech.

Openness is a great quality, but it is only appropriate in combination with positive emotions and optimism. It should be remembered that openly demonstrating your anger, irritability, complaining about problems and failures is unlikely to attract people to you.

All people are naturally endowed with different talents and qualities. Some can become the life of the party even at the first meeting, while others are racking their brains on how to become an interesting conversationalist, at least among their friends. It is important to understand that a person always lives and strives for society, therefore communication with other people is completely inevitable, even for inveterate sociopaths. Therefore, even if you do not strive to become the life of the party, you need to at least be interesting in communication and arouse interest in others.

If all your attempts to become truly interesting and sociable have failed, then do not despair. There are guaranteed techniques that will allow you to maintain a conversation with anyone, as well as arouse interest among others. These methods will make you a truly sociable person, whom no one can ever call closed, unsociable, or even unsociable.

#1 – Be erudite

It is quite obvious that it is almost impossible to become an interesting and sociable person without an extensive vocabulary and erudition. Imagine that you find yourself in a company where people communicate on topics that you do not understand or know at all. As a result, almost any attempt to join the company and show that you share their interests will fail. Therefore, it is very important to be moderately erudite and well-mannered. Most people don’t like arrogant people, but they also don’t like those who don’t understand anything about the subject of the conversation. It is ideal to find a middle ground, this will allow you to be interesting and not cause negative emotions in others.

#2 – Become a professional

If you want to never have problems with communication, then the simplest step is to be able to do what is in demand. For example, doctors, lawyers, any consultants and even salespeople rarely experience a lack of communication. Moreover, they often try to avoid people altogether in order to take a break from constant conversations and be in silence. Therefore, in order to be interesting and, moreover, useful to other people, you need to have certain skills and knowledge.

This does not always require a degree or years of study. We can even talk about some trifle, such as installing an antivirus on a PC or knowing how to use a drill. Each person can easily find what he is good at and how he will be useful to others.

#3 – Don’t forget to be witty

You've probably seen people, in a team, among friends or in casual companies, who can say only one phrase and immediately attract attention. This could be a witty joke, sarcasm, or anything that will be relevant at a particular moment. It is also worth considering that witty people always arouse more interest, simply because they are not boring. An unsociable and reserved person is unlikely to be so charming and interesting to others, so it is important to draw conclusions from this.

On this topic:

#4 – Confidence

If you are looking for a universal way to become a sociable and interesting person, regardless of the circumstances, then there is only one answer - confidence. It is she who unites all the interesting people who attract attention. That is why those who are naturally gifted with oratorical skills, as well as those who do not hesitate to express themselves in society, easily achieve their desired goals. Of course, self-confidence is not so easy to find, sometimes it can take whole years, but you can be sure of one thing - this is a quality that will help you in almost any situation in life.

#5 – Don’t force things

This advice is relevant not only when communicating with the opposite sex, but even with friends, girlfriends, etc. Simply put, you shouldn’t be intrusive and arrogant, which instantly kills any interest in your personality in others. Imagine a situation when you are just starting to be friends with a person, and you are already trying to allow yourself too much. Such situations will always cause one reaction - rejection, which is why others will avoid such people. The same applies to attempts to find out something personal at that stage of communication when a person is not yet ready to reveal such details. If you just rush a little and put pressure on him, he will immediately turn away and you are unlikely to have a second chance to impress or simply be interesting to him.

#6 – Know how to listen

No matter how strange it may sound, in order to be interesting, you don’t always need to be able to speak beautifully; sometimes it’s much more important to learn to listen to others. This is the secret to achieving success. Imagine that you are trying your best to be interesting to someone and talking non-stop, not giving the person the opportunity to even get in a few words.

#7 – Be considerate of others

At a minimum, even if this does not make you the life of the party, it will allow you to maintain good relationships with others, and therefore be interesting to them. Notice small details, be interested in other people, what they do, prefer and like. Sometimes, a well-timed detail can significantly change a person’s attitude towards you, arousing much greater interest in him. Also, do not be shy about giving compliments, but it is important to remember that they must be sincere.