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Even perfect couples have conflicts. Arguments are an integral part of any relationship.

How to respond to conflict

We all react differently to conflict situations: someone considers them a great opportunity to get to know each other better and eventually become even closer. For others, a quarrel is equated with a universal tragedy, when life loses all meaning.

If you think that your quarrel is not one of those on which the relationship ends, it makes sense not only to make peace with your boyfriend, but also to analyze in detail the situation that led to the conflict. And it is desirable to do this together with a guy. This approach will help you better understand each other and avoid similar conflicts in the future. You will be able to understand the important traits of your partner. Such “debriefings” are very important for those who strive for harmonious relationships in a couple.

How to behave during conflict

Having quarreled, we are all influenced by emotions, mostly negative ones. Never, no matter how heated your discussion, do not allow yourself to get personal and insult the guy. So, if you later make peace, he will never forget the insults inflicted.

Feeling that emotions overwhelm you, it is better to stop. Explain to your boyfriend that since you value your relationship with him, you should take a break and cool off. This will allow both you and him to calmly think about what happened and not act in the heat of anger.

What to do if the conflict has already happened

Left alone with yourself, try to distract from your quarrel. The main thing is to follow the following rules:

1. Do not tell your friends about your quarrel. The fact is that when we are angry, we tend to exaggerate what happened, and the peculiarities of our memory are such that we will remember exactly what we said. In addition, by attracting a friend as an ally and telling her about the most unpleasant moments of your relationship with your loved one, you unwittingly assign her the role of a person who will constantly criticize your young man. It won't lead to anything good later on.
2. Don't try to find someone to blame. If it happens to quarrel, as a rule, both are to blame. And your goal, most likely, is not to prove to the whole world how wrong he is, and at the same time you are white and fluffy. If this is the case, he is simply unworthy of being with you, and you should not think about maintaining such a relationship.
3. Do not call in order to insult your loved one again. Wait for the emotions to subside.
4. Write all the theses that sounded during your quarrel, while omitting all the attacks on your and his address. Your task at this stage is to find out the cause of the quarrel and those points in which your opinions do not agree. At this stage, it is quite advisable to involve a friend or a professional psychologist to help. With their help, you can much more easily separate the primary points from the less significant ones.
5. Try to analyze as objectively as possible who and where made a mistake. It rarely happens that someone is absolutely wrong.
6. Further actions depend on your goals: it is one thing if you want to save the relationship, and another if you are faced with the task of proving your case.
7. Decide what you are willing to compromise on and what you want in return.
8. When meeting with a guy, refrain from reproaches and accusations. As calmly as possible explain to him your vision of the situation and carefully listen to how he sees it. Most likely, your perception of what happened is significantly different.
9. It is very important, when discussing the situation, not to get personal. For example, you can say that his inattention and constant employment are unpleasant for you, but you still should not call him insensitive.
10. Ask him what he sees as a way out of this situation. Also express your own suggestions that, in your opinion, can improve the situation.
11. Having come to a consensus, announce the adopted mutual decision. This will help make sure you both understand each other correctly.

What to do if there was a quarrel between you and a girl? There are several options. The simplest and most effective is to do absolutely nothing, expecting that the girl herself will come to put up; offer to leave on this note, that is, in response to the last D (farther) from the girl, make even more D, which will definitely work - the girl will whine and make B (closer) in response, apologizing. However, if you value relationships, before choosing one of the options, you need to figure out what exactly became the reason for the quarrel. That is, you need to solve the problem, and not leave it with your head in the sand.

Do not forget - the female nature is very vulnerable. For her, a skirmish is not a trifle, as men often perceive it. Girls will take even what a guy calls a joke seriously. You don't have to go to a truce right away. Let the lady calm down, and only then start acting, that is, if you offer her to leave immediately, you will not have a powerful effect, but if you give a couple of days to think, then during this time she herself will take the first step towards reconciliation, and if not, then he will think over the situation and start to get bored, then your “hit” will hit right on the target, and bring her to powerful emotions in relation to you, make her suffer and love more. In general, you need to build on how serious the quarrel is. Proposing a breakup during every fight is not an option. This technique can only be used once, otherwise your words will lose weight for her. And then, much more serious problems will begin in the relationship, and you will have to, because it is likely that she will want to break off the relationship herself, in all seriousness.

The reasons for the quarrel can be different, which means that you need to introduce yourself according to the circumstances. If a guy made a girl wait by being late for a date, that's one thing. But if a young man is caught cheating on another pretty girl, the scale of the scandal is completely different. As a rule, men make the same mistakes when trying to build relationships. These are the kinds of mistakes you should avoid. Read about it below.

It's no secret that analyzing his behavior, a man cannot understand what he did wrong. Therefore, the discontent of a woman becomes either irritable for him, or forces him to make concessions, bend over and make gifts. Either way is a mistake. Ideally, one should remain neutral.

As for scandals over petty things, why do they happen? Girls prefer to remain silent in most situations, because they have a subconscious desire not to incite conflict. And if, because of the slightest trifle, a girl makes a scandal, it means that there is no more room left in the bowl of her patience. To smooth out the conflict, a man needs to discuss everything with his other half at a meeting. Phone or e-mail are not suitable for this purpose. But you can’t bend, or vice versa, go too far and gesture - otherwise the balance of significance will be shifted, and there will be a crack in the relationship. There are some classic ways to apologize (if you are REALLY guilty) - decorate the apartment with balloons, buy a cake and a bottle of champagne. If you are NOT to blame for the quarrel, then you need to freeze a little, but do not gesture, and do not be rude to her. This will make her come to her senses, and make B (closer), after which you can make love.

If you do not immediately discuss the issue of concern and do not dispose of the problem, over time it will become the impetus for a larger quarrel. If, after the scandal, you no longer want to continue the relationship with the girl, then it is better to admit it to her right away.

It's easy to hit the "live". To understand this common truth, it is not necessary to be a philosopher or a psychologist. In the sandbox, the baby brings another crumb to tears, taking away a toy or breaking a sand castle. At school, offensive nicknames and quarrels due to shortcomings in vision, figure, craving for knowledge. And adults, at times, “subtly” and mercilessly injure each other, leaving bleeding heart wounds for a long time.

Offended us, offended - we. It hurts us, a loved one hurts too. A quarrel is usually accompanied by experiences that are familiar to everyone. We quarreled - what to do now? Let's try to figure it out.

Why are we offended

Increasingly, resentment settles in the heart due to the fact that expectations were not met. People tend to create in their imagination an ideal image of relationships: a girlfriend (friend) should prefer only our society; husband (wife) - to be loving, caring; children - meet all the criteria of upbringing and be sure to be talented. But in life everything happens differently, because people do not tend to care about the expectations of others. Often the quarrel occurs because of some trifle. Sometimes it takes a look, a word, an intonation.

How to destroy a wall

But now the passions subsided, the fountain of emotions calmed down, it would be time to restore good relations. What happened has already happened and it is impossible to change it, what to do now?

• “Calm, only calm,” said the good Carlson. Some active activity will help get rid of negative emotions. Argued with a friend - what to do? Calm down and pull yourself together, as emotions will soon subside, and it will be easier to solve the problem that has arisen, so you can remember about household chores or sports.
• Analyze the situation. Every person has their own truth. If you think that you are right in everything, and the offender should pay for what he did? Then you deliberately prevent the restoration of relations. What is more important - to be right and at the same time rejected, or to forget about selfishness and restore the harmony of relationships? Of course, if the relationship means something to you. If it's a matter of stung pride, look at the circumstances from a different angle. What motivated your abuser? Insidiousness, accident, irascibility? Often people hurt others without noticing it, without malicious intent, and then they worry about their intemperance. In any case, without understanding and forgiveness, building a strong long-term relationship is almost impossible. For example, he quarreled with a girl - what to do if you said too many nasty things? Listening and understanding is the first step. When a person admits his mistake, then much can be forgiven if he sincerely repents.
• Take the first step towards reconciliation and your "offender" will definitely appreciate it. And this does not mean at all to admit that you are to blame for everything. On the contrary, only strong-willed people can forgive, cherish a person and their relationship. There is no need to remember, restoring in memory: “But ... you, but ... I”, leave the bag with negative emotions, senseless insults. You should just apologize and do not need to discuss what happened on the same day. It's better to calmly talk about everything later, when this situation seems to both seem like an absurd coincidence.
• Don't harbor resentment. It is like a hot stone: the stronger and longer you hold it, the deeper the burn. How to achieve this? You just need to stop feeling sorry for yourself.
• Time will heal. I quarreled with a guy - what to do if he does not make contact, but you do not intend to forgive either, because he hurt you so much? In this situation, the best healer is time. Of course, you shouldn’t disappear for a long time, showing your indifference, because a person may decide that you don’t care about him and do stupid things. You can write a letter or a message on the phone that he really hurt your feelings and that you also said too much to him, that you need to think about everything a little and talk later when both are ready to do it. This way, he will know that you are hurting, but he cares about your relationship and still has something to save.
• Look at the world optimistically and set yourself up for positive. Your imagination can help with this. A well-known psychological fact: the brain does not know how to separate imaginary events from real ones. For him, all our thoughts have power and meaning, just like real life. Think positively and by doing this you will contribute to just such a course of events. Try, try, try. Perhaps the result of the efforts will exceed expectations and give a hitherto unknown harmony of relations.
• The desire to prove one's case will not help to save the relationship. Quarreled with a friend - what to do, do you think that he would admit his guilt? All this is meaningless, if you think only about yourself, think about his feelings, the answer will come by itself. If a person appreciates you, then he admits his guilt, as you did, if he doesn’t, then do you need such a selfish person in your life? And if you want to “restore justice”, do it another time, without repeating the mistakes.

The main thing - do not engage in "self-discipline". It is enough to make correct conclusions and take responsibility for what happened. After all, the one who resolves the conflict truly values ​​​​the relationship.

After a fight with a girl, do not rush to buy her flowers, because in some cases, conflicts in relationships are completely different from what we used to imagine.

There is always the possibility that the quarrel that has occurred has a slightly different meaning. Perhaps the girl deliberately makes an offended look in order to provoke you to show weakness.

Of course, if you soberly looked at the situation and realized your guilt, then you still need to apologize. And for the future you should know what à should be

The correct reaction of a man to conflicts

Arguing and cursing with a woman is like banging your head against a wall: you are unlikely to prove your point of view, but it is easy to spoil your nerves and show weakness. Moreover, proving that you are right is a thankless task, because a self-confident man does not need it.

If you are not sure that you are right, then your reaction to her accusations should be a constructive question. If you don’t get a normal answer to it, then you need to end the communication (meeting). And do not get in touch until she herself does not get in touch with her.

If you initially know that you were right in this situation, then in response to her negativity, you just need to leave silently. Such an act will force her to play by your rules.

Often guys are afraid to end the conversation/meeting, hoping that she will speak out and calm down. This is an erroneous opinion, because deep down the girl hopes that you will get up and leave.

conclusions:

1. Your value as a man will largely depend on how you respond to her claims. There is no need to quarrel with a girl, because in this way you show your weakness and insecurity. It is best to be calm and at the same time remember about self-respect, not allowing her to remake you "for herself."
2. It is important to ask yourself if you are really wrong in this situation. Listen to inner feelings, and not to the words of the girl and do not be afraid to act in spite of her offended appearance.
3. Feel free to apologize if you really are at fault. But don't rush into it. Let her wait a little!

Do you want to know what else to do after you had a fight with a girl? Then check out the new version of the article on my blog at this link: