What to do if friends betrayed you, how to cope with the pain of resentment? What to do if the closest relatives and friends slandered you hate What to do if the guy betrayed you.

To betray is to no longer be devoted to another person, deed or word, promise, and even to oneself. Faced with this, you are in a hurry to blame the one who caused your feelings, who betrayed: your spouse, sister, parents, girlfriend, child. Do you often wonder why you were betrayed? How could you do this? For what?

“With my second husband, we were married for 18 years and at one fine moment I was betrayed again. He just left for another woman. He betrayed me, leaving me pregnant... He betrayed me, changed me.

I was betrayed... For three years he was in a relationship with another woman. He was with me, and at the same time he already had another family...

I was betrayed by my own mother at a very difficult moment in my life, when I was waiting for her support...

My child betrayed me - he no longer needs me ... "

Why betray the closest and dearest people?

This is only a small part of the beginning of the letters that I receive daily. How often do we use this word - betrayal, betrayal ...

The worst thing about this is that we face betrayal from the closest people, those whom we sincerely love, to whom we are very attached and from whom we expect loyalty and devotion.

Betrayal and betrayed are words of the same root, but they have completely different meanings, although it is the one who once made you convinced of his loyalty that betrays.

What does it mean to betray

To betray is to no longer be devoted to another person, deed or word, promise, and even to oneself.

Faced with this, you are in a hurry to blame the one who caused your worries, who betrayed: spouse, sister, parents, girlfriend, child. Do you often wonder why you were betrayed? How could you do this? For what?

You are absolutely sure that there could be no reason for such treatment of you. After all, you loved so sincerely and faithfully, you did everything you could. And they simply stopped loving you, you ceased to be necessary for someone.

After all, we experience betrayal not only from our partners. Children grow up, leave their parents' house, start their independent lives and sometimes forget to come and call. This is also perceived by parents as a betrayal.

And remember your childhood. You considered it a betrayal of your parents' attachment to your younger brothers and sisters, to their hobbies. Likewise, a young mother, feeding a baby, thinks only that she receives insufficient attention and warmth from her husband. Is this not a true betrayal of the baby, not to give him the necessary emotional interest and maternal warmth?

In my opinion, it is dependence, attachment and obsession with a person that becomes the main provocateur of betrayal. Who betrays the most? The one you are most attached to.

A person experiences betrayal at the moment when he suddenly realizes that all his expectations and hopes are crumbling, deceived.

Illusions and expectations

Entering into a close relationship with a man, a woman creates for herself an illusion in which she is comfortable to be. Quite often, a woman is afraid to take off her rose-colored glasses in order to see a real person behind them.

But sooner or later, a meeting with reality occurs, and the woman considers this a betrayal.

Well, if you take a sober look at the situation? Was there really a betrayal? If a man refuses to help elderly parents, does not remember about children from another marriage, and you, having learned about his betrayal, begin to lament.

But there was no betrayal. He is such a person. This is his principle - to live as he likes, as convenient for him, without burdening himself with an obligation to anyone. He has always been like this: and when you met, and at the moment of the beginning of the relationship, just your rose-colored glasses did not allow you to see him for real.

Do betrayals occur with enviable regularity? First of all, you need to reconsider expectations from people and from life in general, and finally dispel illusions.

Betrayal arises when a person lives with his feelings, when he fully devotes his life to satisfying his personal need for love.

The people most disposed to betrayal are usually those who know how to seduce, penetrate into the world of another and let him into themselves, thereby giving rise to the hope that this will never end. The very feeling of love is important to them, but not the person. As a rule, they need another person only to maintain this state, and the partner does not carry any importance and value for him.

And when the moment comes when the warmth and the state of being in love evaporate, he loses all meaning and desire to be with him.

Why is he to me? This is what betrayal is about - getting pleasure and a thirst to live the way only he wants - after all, life is one and you want to have time to take everything that you can from it.

Is there a difference between the right to live as you want and betrayal

What is betrayal? This is something we don't expect. The soul, after all, is located in the heart, in the chest, and at the moment when we open our heart to a person, we expose our back to a blow, making it vulnerable. Therefore, in the first place, it is the place where wings should grow, giving a person a feeling of freedom and flight, that suffers.

So, you don’t need to open your soul and heart to a person? Need to! But only open, and not turn inside out, making every corner of it accessible and vulnerable.

It's like people don't wear clothes. Would a naked body be just as desirable?

It is the open soul that makes our back defenseless. Opening the door to the soul, you must cultivate your wings, get freedom, and not put yourself in shackles that do not allow you to take off, and simply move freely.

Why do you limit your freedom when you are in a close relationship? Why is everything in your life now revolving around just one person? Why don't you want to fly and why don't you let him fly? But love cannot deprive you of the opportunity to fly, but on the contrary, it gives you this freedom and the feeling of flying.

How often a person matches his happiness only with the satisfaction of his own needs in a relationship.

And every discrepancy is accepted by you as a true betrayal, and it happens that a person lives exclusively his own life, where there is not enough space for you.

After all, a woman is arranged in such a way that one of the main conditions for a happy relationship for her is to feel like the only one for a man. But when her expectations are not met, then he betrayed.

The soul, faced with betrayal, comes into this world in order to heal, get rid of this trauma, it will appear in such families where the mother or father is seductive, giving hope that he will always be with you and again closing in his problems and in yourself.

So, a mother, who is in another quarrel with her husband, devotes more time and all her attention to the child, but having reconciled with her husband again, the child goes by the wayside for her. Isn't that a real betrayal of your own child?

Of course, this mother will not agree with this opinion, because she is convinced that she has every right to privacy and love for her man. But for a child, this is a real betrayal.

In the same way, by promising a child a walk in the park, and in the morning feeling the desire to just relax at home on your day off, you betray him by not fulfilling your promise, not justifying his hopes.

When I studied in St. Petersburg, I sincerely wondered why my college friends were offended by me. They were offended by the fact that when I return home, I stop all communication with them. And indeed it was so. Coming home, I did not leave any space for my St. Petersburg friends in my space.

It was completely natural for me that when I am in St. Petersburg I am friends with them, when I am at home with others. And only when I was in a foreign country, I deeply realized my behavior through living a feeling of abandonment and betrayal. Only then could I understand the feelings of my friends.

Only a deep understanding and inner work allowed me to get rid of this, and today those actions that deeply hurt me then, I see in a completely different perspective.

What is it, if not spiritual prostitution, when we need people only to satisfy our own needs? At the same time, it does not matter with whom. Having lost again, we try to keep ourselves busy with work, to have a romance, but in doing so we betray ourselves in fear of loneliness and emptiness, afraid to face fears.

We blame ourselves for our own choice, our qualities and sides - this is also a betrayal, but only in relation to ourselves.

Betrayal will always find a place where a person considers himself the main thing for another, he strives to become his only, his Universe. Betrayal exists where a person matches all the words and deeds of another person only with what is directly related to him, and he turns a blind eye to everything else.

In fact, for most of us, devotion is an absolute dissolution in a partner and the same complete dissolution of a person in him.

Such devotion is inherent in the relationship of a mother with a baby, when there is no place in her life for other things, relationships with pets, the loyalty of which is absolute and unconditional, because they are attached to a person and therefore love so devotedly, like a baby, for whom the mother is his whole Universe .

The feeling of abandonment is what leaves betrayal in a person's heart. To become unnecessary and abandoned by a loved one is the most difficult and painful feeling that we can experience.

Only having adequately survived them can you get rid of the trauma caused by betrayal.

Healing

Having cured this mental trauma, you will finally learn not to betray yourself. You will stop betraying yourself, stepping over your desires, interests, through life in general, only in order to subordinate a person to your will.

You will not betray promises, you will no longer perceive others from the perspective of their usefulness to you. You will no longer be with a person solely to satisfy your own needs, covering them with friendship, devotion and love.

Betrayal is a fairly broad topic, consisting of many subtleties. For example, you will regard the same action as a betrayal, and some are sincerely convinced that this is a manifestation of freedom of choice.

What is betrayal? These are actions that are performed solely at the person’s own will, which have nothing to do with you and are absolutely contrary to your expectations.

When faced with betrayal, ask the question: Why?

The first thing we do having experienced betrayal, we are trying to blame someone for this. We feel like a victim of his act. But, blaming someone for this, you will not find any benefit for yourself, you will not budge in solving this problem, over and over again meeting on your way people who easily go to betrayal.

If you are trying to heal from your emotional trauma, the first thing you need to do is stop blaming someone else for it.

No wonder this life lesson is given. You must understand that a soul that has never betrayed before is unable to draw him into your life.

It is not at all necessary that you are a traitor in essence, remember, at the beginning of the article we discussed how the betrayal of loved ones manifests itself daily in completely harmless acts.

You can be incredibly attached to a person and live with the same expectations and hopes. And everything that will not meet your expectations in the future will be regarded by you as a betrayal, leaving deep sore wounds, gradually depriving you of the ability to understand, forgive and love.

Running away from this pain, you yourself will not be able to notice how you are hurting another person, betraying him.

Painful attachment to a partner, categorical and inflexible in close relationships - all this will constantly cause you pain from betrayal, and as a way to protect yourself from it, an irrepressible desire to control everything is turned on.

It is possible to learn the lesson of betrayal only through complete deliverance from attachment to a person, reducing the degree of control, through acceptance and forgiveness.

It is a release from the fear of being alone. This means discovering in yourself the ability to love real people, and not your illusions created by you.

This lesson is necessary to give another person the opportunity to live the way he wants and likes it, without forcing him to live differently.

You must understand that his life belongs only to him, and you, trying to gain control over them, will be left with nothing.

By attracting one betrayal after another into your life, the space is thus trying to save you from mental pain. You just need to focus on yourself and not on other people.

Redefine your understanding of relationships between people. Maybe they have an extra attachment, obsession with another person. Will you be able to accept a partner as completely separate from you, who has his own right to privacy, desires, needs? Or is a close relationship a total control over the actions, desires of a partner?

Faced with heartache again, consider, perhaps your soul did not grow correctly?

You will very often meet with betrayal, life itself is trying to direct your attention to this problem in this way, she wants you to think, because this is a deep mental trauma and you received it for a reason. It is natural that you were betrayed, this happens because you yourself betrayed more than once.

You knew how to live exclusively as your heart commands, you had no obligations or a sense of duty to anyone. You went on about feelings against all odds, even if it could hurt your loved ones. It was not important for you, because you are sure that it is your right to live life the way you like it.

But perhaps you, on the contrary, often betrayed yourself, promises, hopes only for the sake of meeting the needs of someone, deep inside hoping thereby to satisfy your own.

So a mother can neglect the interests of her child, giving all of herself to her new passion, and later suffer from the fact that he suddenly did not need him ...

You leave your family, loved ones and loved ones, rushing headlong into a new love, and later you realize that this relationship has brought you nothing but loneliness. You abandon children from the first family, their problems and concerns do not concern you, you do not strive to communicate with them, and in extreme old age you become no longer needed by your second family.

Betrayal has many faces and occurs even where you do not expect it, even in the most harmless deeds. You can promise your child to spend the whole day together, and then you are unexpectedly invited to a party. You will agree, because this is your right to privacy, but are you betraying a child at this moment?

In order to somehow protect ourselves from betrayal, we try to keep our lives and the people around us under control, we learn to foresee events and consequences, we try to change people so that they meet our expectations, and then we get angry and upset if this does not happen. published.

Irina Gavrilova Dempsey

Have questions - ask them

P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness - together we change the world! © econet

Many of us have experienced betrayal in our lives. This is very painful, because you least expect this from a loved one. How to accept and survive and not lose heart? What to do if your friends betrayed you? Let's look into these issues.

Let's talk a little about betrayal

What to do if your friends betrayed you? In the understanding of people, betrayal has different meanings. For some, this is a deception, for others - treason, and for someone - failure to fulfill your whims and desires. This is, first of all, the undermining of trust through some act, a series of actions, an incorrectly chosen word.

After betrayal, a person begins to delve into himself. Look for the cause of what happened, which, of course, affects self-esteem. He doubts that he is worthy of friendship and respect, since his best friend betrayed him. Feels guilty about what happened. But psychologists advise you to calm down first, and not look for reasons.

What is the reason?

Before we start figuring out what to do if your friends betrayed you, let's find out why they do it. Often this happens not at will, but due to various circumstances, out of stupidity, for example, or because of natural weakness. Someone is pursuing their own benefit. Sometimes this happens unconsciously, the traitor does not even think about the consequences.

How to deal with pain?

No matter how hard it is, you need to pull yourself together and take a sober look at the current situation. Here are some practical practical tips:

Don't lock yourself in.
Do not replay recent events in your head. It's already in the past. Don't look for someone to blame.
You should not torment yourself with questions, they say, why did they do it this way, and not otherwise. Thus, aggression, resentment and bad energy will accumulate, taking away strength and health.
Physical activity is the best way to extinguish bad emotions. Let it be aerobics, running or any other sport. They will help you get rid of negative thoughts.
Throw out bad emotions on paper by drawing with paints.
Do not refuse the support of loved ones to whom you can pour out your soul.
If you feel like screaming and crying, don't hold back.

But in any case, do not take the blame on yourself. It is important to understand that betrayal is a fairly common occurrence that many have experienced. If the offender wants to meet with you and explain himself, give him the opportunity to apologize. And one more piece of advice - do not take revenge! It won't solve the problem, it will only make it worse.

What kind of reaction might occur?

We have already talked about the desire for revenge. Along with this, there are:

Anger and anger. In a state of passion, a person is capable of committing the most terrible misdeeds. Firstly, it will negatively affect your emotional state and health, and secondly, by harming the offender, you will only make an enemy. Just forget about betrayal.
Hatred. Spawns evil.
Resentment. She, as you know, destroys a person from the inside.

You need to learn to forgive. This is difficult and may not work out right away, but this is the only way you will be able to relieve the inner burden, get rid of bad thoughts and emotions, and mental pain. So what do you do when your best friend betrays you?

Or maybe he wasn't?

What makes a true friend different?

He always remembers you, even when he is heavily loaded with work, and will come to the rescue at any moment.
Will take care of your problems.
It's never boring with him.
He can be entrusted with secret secrets that no one will know about.
Knows how to forgive.
Feels great about you and knows how and how to help.
Help financially and physically, without demanding anything in return.
He will not allow you to get entangled in trouble, will not make you laugh, because of the stupidity uttered, on the contrary, he will reason and offer the right solution.

Therefore, in the event of a quarrel, think about whether the offender was your real friend? Of course, it also happens that a comrade went to betrayal for certain reasons that justify him to some extent. But the person who betrayed can do it again.

What do you do when your best friends leave you?

In this case, you should not immediately panic, you need to analyze why this is happening. If you have done something wrong, just acknowledge it and ask for forgiveness. It also happens that in the hustle and bustle of everyday life we forget about old friends. As they, in fact, building their personal lives and careers.

Therefore, before you worry, look at the problem with different eyes, gather your friends. Believe me, you will have many interesting topics for conversation, warm memories.

Finding the reason why friends disappear from your life, recharge yourself with positive. Do not give up new acquaintances, put up with old friends. So:

Look for friends with interests.
Get together with old friends more often, at least once a week for a cup of coffee.
Keep in touch with friends.

So, now we know what to do if your friends betrayed you. In the case of real betrayal, it is worth forgetting the offense and letting go of the offender. But do not cut off the shoulder, perhaps this is just a ridiculous quarrel, because of which you should not give up friendship.

Betrayal is always hard to deal with. Life is divided into "before" and "after". The illusion of a happy family shatters into small fragments, giving rise to many questions. How to survive the betrayal of a loved one, if there are so many years of marriage behind you, a lot has been experienced? It is especially difficult to accept when you are a little over 60 years old. It seems that the pain of betrayal knocks the ground out from under his feet. Luckily, that's just how it seems. Time is needed, a deep analysis of the situation, a revision of life values.

How to deal with cheating and not lose yourself? In modern society, there is a widespread erroneous stereotype that they cheat only on spouses, that, while solving everyday family problems, they lost themselves, sacrificed their own interests. A typical picture on the pages of women's magazines: a lady in a washed-out bathrobe, a dirty apron and an unshaven man in family shorts, a stretched T-shirt, slippers, with a beer belly, an eternally dissatisfied expression on his face. Familiar? There is some truth in this pattern, but not much.

A common mistake is to look for reasons in your own appearance. Psychologists call this defense mechanism rationalization. Family union is voluntary. People stay together as long as they want to be around. If the feelings faded away, did not turn into a deep emotional attachment, a person cannot be kept by a sense of duty, an appeal to honor, morality, conscience. He will not be stopped by a common house, household, crying children, even the sickness of his spouse.

If a loving person wants to be around, your shortcomings are not a hindrance. He sees them as features that distinguish the object of adoration from the crowd, a highlight. A partner who intends to leave will not be held back by any virtues, beauty, talents, or skills.

Experience shows that even stellar beauties, successful ladies, culinary masters and sexy "bombs" are cheated on. Marriage betrayal happens in young, young, mature, regardless of race, hair color, style of clothing. In order to understand how to survive betrayal and separation, you need to realize that the fact of a spouse's betrayal does not make you worse, weaker. You remain a full-fledged person with the full right to happiness.

The story of two halves, eternal love is a beautiful but naive fairy tale. Remember the wonderful aphorism of the unique Faina Ranevskaya:

Only a pill, a nut and a brain have a second half. I am whole! — Faina Ranevskaya

The second typical mistake is comparing yourself with an opponent. A person who destroys a family is rarely ruled by pure love. More often, deep neurosis, fear of loneliness pushes to fill the spiritual emptiness at any cost. She's not better than you, just different.

The third common stereotype is about the unfortunate abandoned wife or the aging bachelor who is too late to start a new life. An utter nonsense, apparently invented by notorious teenagers. Living under one roof causes dependence, due to habit, the need to give in, sacrifice interests, seek compromises. This is a necessary condition for cohabitation, but now the restrictions have been lifted. This is not loneliness, but freedom, a chance to realize your dreams. It is difficult to change the habitual way of life, but it is possible and necessary.

Step two - analyze the situation

How to survive the betrayal of a loved one? The reason for painful experiences is naivety, blind faith in a partner. They did not consider such a situation as probable. There is anger, a feeling of self-pity, resentment, even a desire for revenge or impotence, apathy. Change, like all life events, has a reason. If a marriage lasts a long time without qualitative changes, monotonous and boring, discomfort arises. Family life goes through certain stages, tests for the power of attraction, devotion. Stability is not always good.

Every man, like the literary knight Don Quixote, needs a periodic "fight with windmills", the opportunity to feel like a hero, a savior. Agree, everyday throwing out garbage, exercises with a vacuum cleaner can hardly be called a feat or an interesting pastime. Women who have fallen under the heavy pressure of everyday life, lack of attention, admiration, compliments also lose their enjoyment of life. Daily routine duties slowly hide the sparkle of her beautiful eyes under a tired, thoughtful, slightly sad expression on her face.

An explosive combination for family relations is the hyperresponsibility of one and the irresponsibility, immaturity, infantilism of the second spouse. The role of "caring mother for an unreasonable child" is ungrateful. In fact, this is an encouragement of the partner's irresponsibility. We forget the harsh but immutable centuries-old laws of life: sacrificing our own interests for the benefit of another individual, we lose ourselves. The result is sad: interest in you disappears. A person becomes a shadow or a comfortable, somewhat grouchy cohabitant, a nanny, but destroys the halo of attractiveness, intimacy. Boredom replaces passion, creating favorable circumstances for finding connections on the side.

But how to deal with betrayal, how to survive the pain and be happy? It is necessary to get rid of feelings of guilt, thoughts about one's own inferiority. These are the usual companions of shattered illusions, but it is dangerous to remain in such a state for a long time. They block the path to development, to moving forward. Make an informed decision. It is necessary to repair the relationship, try to "repair the crack of the family union" or leave with a proud posture. Review the relationship, find out the reasons that prompted the violation of marriage promises.

There is no guarantee that there will be no betrayal in the future, but in any case, you will gain useful experience and become wiser. Often favorable ground for adultery creates complexes, low self-esteem. She pushes for attempts to prove her own significance, attractiveness, success in such a painful way for her spouse. Then you have to start at the root of the problem. If you decide to stay with your partner, you need to work on restoring the broken trust.

Do not confuse forgiveness with pardon, humility, reconciliation. These are not interchangeable concepts. Forgiveness helps to get rid of anger, resentment, and humility only hides negative feelings, drives them deeper, hides demonstrative acceptance of the situation behind a beautiful picture. True forgiveness requires an internal emotional discharge, the renewal of peace of mind.

It is necessary to make it clear that trust can only be earned by devotion, loyalty on an ongoing basis, joint work on family crises. There will be no second chance. If he doesn’t appreciate it, he will lose your love, warmth, the opportunity to save a family.

If you want flowers to bloom in the garden, and the dishes turn out to be tastier every time, you need to pay due attention to this. Also in marriage. Our requirements and needs are constantly changing. A true strong family union is based on the efforts of both partners for the common good. -Psychologist Kosenko Angelina. Relationship psychology: the whole truth about marriage. Exposing the current myths»

How to survive betrayal and separation? Don't take on someone else's responsibility. A person leaves - he made a choice, let him be responsible for the decisions made. Make the right conclusions, learn useful lessons from what you have experienced so as not to repeat the mistakes and move on, change for the better.

Step three - we develop, confidently start life from a new leaf

The past is an abandoned alley of the park, along which no one has been walking for a long time. Perhaps her lanterns in the gray dust of cobwebs evoke some nostalgia, but constantly returning, you miss the main thing - development, perspective, future joy, new pleasures. There are many paths in the park. Choose yours.

Remember the sensational story of adultery sex - the symbol of Hollywood blockbusters actor Arnold Schwarzenegger. After numerous betrayals of his wife with an aged lady, her own housekeeper Mildred Baena, who gave birth to an illegitimate son from a celebrity, Arnold repented, swore to his beautiful wife that she was an “ideal woman”, “still worries him.” Later, giving an interview to radio host Howard Stern, Schwarzenegger said that divorce after 25 years of a happy marriage was his main mistake.

Does dear Maria Shriver, the wife of an actor, need to blame herself for what happened until the end of her days? Carefully store anger, resentment, limiting your own capabilities, spending your life on “preserving trauma”? Maria acted wiser. She became free, ceased to be the shadow of a star spouse. She managed to change the train of thought and her own life. She is a successful journalist, winner of the Peabody and Emmy awards and just a beautiful self-sufficient woman.

Focusing on the role of the deceived victim, constantly complaining to friends, neighbors, relatives, we get energy through self-pity. But this is an unpromising path. On the contrary, you need to focus on your favorite hobby, which fills you with joy, inspires, gives you the strength to live, create and develop. Achievements, successes, realization depend on our efforts, aspirations.

Legend has it that an apple fell on Isaac Newton's head, prompting thoughts about the force of gravity. The biography of the scientist claims that the tempter fruit just landed nearby. But such an ordinary event gave rise to the development of physical thought. Perhaps going beyond the boundaries of familiar relationships will become a “magic pendel”, which psychologists mention, for your self-realization.

Magic pendel - gracefully carried out tough customer support. A graceful motivational kick that sends a person on a high flight of thought, energetic beneficial actions. - Internet resource psychologos.ru

And instead of the usual route "bedroom - kitchen - garden", or "fishing - garage-TV" write an interesting book, become the author of fascinating articles in a local newspaper on economic topics, start an Instagram page with photo reports about the beauty of your city, open a small hand-made workshop. Start making funny felt toys for sale and save up money for a trip that you have long wanted, but did not dare. Turn your hobby into an exciting life adventure. As they say, if there is a goal, there will be means.

Spend more time for yourself, playing with your grandchildren, self-education. Remember, life is not measured in days, months, years, but in bright memorable moments that cause a feeling of satisfaction, pride in oneself, harmony with the world.

Occupy your thoughts with an interesting thing that inspires, brings positive emotions, vivid impressions. Find new friends who share your value system, expand your social circle. Do not be afraid to seek the help of a psychotherapist if necessary.

The advice of a psychologist will tactfully direct you in the right direction, help you deal with emotions, recognize hidden desires, become more confident, restore confidence in the world around you and in yourself.

Have you been betrayed and your heart broken? And thousands of fragments scattered everywhere, and emptiness remained inside. It seems that the whole world collapsed in an instant and you cannot believe that this is really happening. How to survive the betrayal of a loved one?

The pain of betrayal is so strong that some people fall into apathy and depression, stop communicating with friends, work, and live their usual lives. But there is a big mistake in this. As long as you immerse yourself in suffering headlong, you remove from yourself any opportunity to recover from the blow. So, what advice do psychologists give to deal with this scourge?

If a loved one betrayed you and you are faced with the task of how to survive the betrayal of a boyfriend, then first of all you need to understand that this is not the end of the world. There will be many more happy moments ahead of you in your life and a relationship with a more faithful person if you decide to end these.

In order for your life to bring you joy again as soon as possible, you need to gather all your will into a fist and not become limp. You can do this by realizing that everything in life can be experienced and only the attitude to the situation paints it black. In fact, betrayal is just a big lesson for you in life.

Have you prayed for Desdemona's night?

Is it worth it to forgive betrayal and keep the relationship?
It is necessary to forgive the traitor in any case: you decide to save the relationship or end it there. This is necessary first of all for you, and not for your chosen one. If you do not forgive the person who betrayed you, then this burden of resentment will not allow you to live a full life, and imperceptibly, day after day, it will poison your soul.

You also need to forgive yourself. Of course, it is highly likely that both partners are to blame for the betrayal. And it’s worth thinking carefully about this question, what was missing in your young man in a relationship, since he went for treason. But blaming and reproaching yourself for this does not make sense. Everyone makes mistakes, and we learn from our mistakes, become wiser.

To continue the relationship or not is up to you. In order to make an informed decision, be alone for a few days. Weigh the pros and cons. Will you be able to forget the betrayal and continue to live with this person, or is betrayal for you a 100% reason for parting?

We destroy the stereotyped thinking of society

Such is the opinion among people that they cheat on losers and persons worthy of pity. Women's magazines are full of pictures in articles about infidelity, where the spouse looks no better than Baba Yaga in curlers and a washed-out bathrobe, except that there is not enough broom, and the spouse in home sweats with outstretched knees, unshaven and with a beer belly. And when the news of treason overtakes us, we involuntarily begin to associate ourselves with such characters. After all, a husband or wife will not go to the left from an adequate, interesting person. But there is little truth in this stereotype. The mistake here is that you should not look for the root cause in your appearance, or in your character as a whole. And also downplay your data. If people got married or simply began to live together, but the first spark of love did not grow into a strong feeling of love, then neither the appearance of Scarlett Johansson, nor the character of an experienced nun will hold the person next to you. The family is created by mutual desire of both partners. People value each other as long as there is a reason for it. In case of fading feelings, in order to resurrect the union, neither appeal to conscience, nor to a sense of duty will help. Crying children, pulling by the sleeve, common life and acquired property are also not a hindrance to divorce, if a person understands that the connection is breaking.
Cheating on everyone and beauty queens, and ordinary girls, and dollar millionaires, and high school teachers. Understand this well and stop feeling below the plinth.
The second common stereotype is to think that your opponent is much better than you.
After all, they don’t go to a woman who is less worthy. Usually men like to get younger women. But in fact, the woman to whom the missus went is simply different, not like you. Perhaps in her your ex-husband found exactly what he lacked in you. But again, this is not a reason to reproach yourself. Better think that your paths have diverged and it was not your man. In addition, a girl who breaks up a family herself is not so self-sufficient and successful. Couldn't she find a free person, it was necessary to break up the already created couple.

At 40, or a woman berry again

Another shabby pattern is an abandoned aging woman or man. Who will need me now? All the best years of life have already passed, and besides, the children are in the bosom. Now you have to spend your life alone, while away the days in front of the TV. These are really absurd thoughts. No matter how old you are 30, 40 or 50, this is not a reason to wring your hands and put an end to life.

Look for positive change. Previously, you were bound by obligations, were constantly forced to make concessions and compromises, and had little time for yourself. And now you have complete freedom and the whole world is in front of you. It is not easy at first to get used to the new, but it is quite possible. And besides, if you want to start a family again, this is not a problem even if you are 90. Yes, there are such cases, so do not lose heart.

We analyze the situation

Nothing happens by accident. Betrayal is just a kind of catalyst, showing that there is a problem in the union. The most common obstacle to a long and faithful family life is boredom. Yes, this is the notorious boredom and monotony of gray everyday life.

When every day is similar to the previous one and we live groundhog day in the same apartment. And it seems that we are a couple in appearance, but this is only an appearance from the outside. And inside we exist each separately in this gray boring reality.

Every man in the depths of his soul wants to be a protector and hero for the lady of his heart. And in gray everyday life, only when the main duties are to take out the trash and vacuum the floors, it is difficult to feel like a hero. Here is a failed knight and he is drawn to adventures, where relationships are still undermined by everyday life.

Often, it is just as difficult for women to endure the burden of family life as it is for men. After all, they so need admiration, compliments, signs of attention. But in reality, only washing, cleaning, cooking - running in a circle. So the look becomes tired and dull, and the expression on the face is dissatisfied.

In general, if you are unable to create even a little unexpected moments and diversity in marriage, then you need to reconsider your behavior and urgently come up with something. Otherwise, it is pointless to wait for changes.

Boredom is the most common reason for infidelity, but there are others. And your task is to understand what exactly prompted your companion to violate marital obligations. Talk heart to heart with your husband, no matter how unpleasant it is for you. Even if you have already decided to break up, it will be useful for you to apply in new relationships. This is a necessary moment to work out the mistakes.

case from practice

“I divorced my husband at 37, leaving 3 daughters in my arms. The husband had another woman on the side. Of course, this was a strong blow for me, but in principle I myself lived with him only for the sake of my family and children. Therefore, I did not try to return it, but simply let it go.

Even before, he did not show special feelings for the children and did not take care of them, and after the divorce, they turned out to be completely on my responsibility. Although I can make good money, it was a bit difficult with 3 children. I signed up with a psychologist to regain my former confidence and hope for a happy life.

I didn’t want to be alone when my daughters grew up and moved away in all directions. The fear of lonely old age scared me the most. And as they say, what frightens us, then pursues on our heels. I went to consultations for about a year and as a result overcame this fear.

I met the man of my dreams who was truly close to me. He also had children from his first marriage, but already adults, like me. So we could enjoy life for ourselves.”

We don't stand still

Forgetting the past is your first priority. It may be nice to indulge in nostalgic memories, but in this way you miss the chance to start a new, vibrant life and get exciting impressions, reach new heights.

Remember the sensational divorce story of the famous humorist Garik Kharlamov and Yulia Leshchenko? They dated for 7 years and were married for 2.5 years. After that, Garik began an affair with actress Christina Asmus, which was the reason for their divorce. Julia was not such a celebrity, unlike her husband, and while married, she did not work, but only dealt with her husband and family.

So going through a divorce was also not easy for her, but she did not panic, try to glue the broken vase together. Now she lives alone and enjoys life, travels a lot, thinks about future plans.

So you, dear ladies, follow the example of such strong-willed women. Do not become limp after a divorce, because the whole life is ahead and it is full of new twists and turns of fate. It's up to you to decide where they lead. Rather than crying and complaining to friends, relatives, isn't it better to pull yourself together and drastically change your life.

Realize yourself in a profession, a hobby, and then many interesting people will crave communication with you. It remains only to choose a suitable chosen one. And then it remains only not to make a mistake with the choice for the second time.

It is not for nothing that even in psychology there is such a term as “magic pendel”. Having received it at the break of an old relationship, you can completely reshape your lifestyle. Don't miss out on a second chance at success!

Step-by-step instruction

How to survive the betrayal of a loved one, if you decide to end the relationship?

Do not keep emotions in yourself, throw out all the resentment and anger. You can cry, break dishes, scream until you feel relieved. But you don't have to do it every day. Now you need strength to start a new life.
Don't blame yourself. The infidelity of a loved one hits hard on our self-esteem. Therefore, do not succumb to self-digging and censure in your direction. The only thing that makes sense is to coolly analyze your life together and find out your mistakes. But do not regret the lost, but simply take this into account in the case of a new relationship.
Do not dwell on thoughts of distrust of people. Betrayal of a loved one can be compared to a stab in the back. “How can you trust people after this?” - you ask - "I put my whole soul, all my talents and qualities into the creation of this relationship. And what did you get in return? The situation is unpleasant, but there is no need to become paranoid, just waiting for deceit and treachery from the people around you. Just accept that everyone is entitled to make mistakes.
Remove all things of the former beloved from the apartment, throw away and delete all photos from the computer, gifts and any reminder of him. In this way, you will reduce the unpleasant reminders of your pain.
Do not give in to depression and the desire to withdraw into yourself. It won't do you any good. It just seems like it's possible to experience pain this way. If you succumb to a depressive mood, then it will only suck you deeper into its black hole.
Do not close yourself in four walls alone. Communicate more with relatives and friends, go for a walk, go to the cinema and theater, make new acquaintances. It's time to start doing what you've always wanted to do. Have you dreamed of going to an English or dance course, now is the best time for this. New hobbies will help you get rid of dreary thoughts.
Load yourself with work, plan the whole day, fill it with interesting things and events, so you definitely won’t have time to feel sorry for yourself and indulge in longing.
If possible, stop communicating with mutual acquaintances, the less mention of the traitor will be, the better.
Stop replaying possible outcomes in your head. What if I did this? What if I said that? Nothing can be changed. Stop clinging to the past like a drowning man at straws. It only makes you feel worse. Instead of making new plans for life, you spend your energy on these meaningless memories and mind games.
Do not abuse alcohol. Only in the movies does it look beautiful and help kill sadness. In fact, alcohol in small doses will focus your attention on the misfortune that has occurred, and in large doses they will also add physical pain.

Follow these rules, and time will pass, your wounds will heal. The time will come, and you will remember this already calmly, without tears and bitterness. Of course, the period of time during which one can survive betrayal is different for all people, and not everyone manages to cope only with the support of friends and relatives. Help to understand yourself and cope with betrayal can psychologist for individual consultation. This is the fastest and easiest way, as you will be in the hands of an experienced specialist. Put in the effort and you will succeed!

In almost all world religions, betrayal was considered and is considered one of the worst sins: Judas betrayed Christ and forever remained the embodiment of apostasy. Almost in any legislation, treason is considered one of the most serious crimes against the state.

The moral category, and betrayal is one of them, turns out to be very important both for huge states and for an individual - everyone appreciates loyalty and despise treason. But if the best lawyers of the world and international and national courts deal with betrayal at the state level, then betrayal in the family or simply in human relations really remains simply on the conscience (or on the conscience) of the one who decided on it. Why can a person become a traitor, an apostate, an informer, a spy, that is, simply a traitor?

The circumstances are very different - this is jealousy, and envy, and fear, it can be fanaticism or greed, inability to keep one's mouth shut, physical weakness or ordinary stupidity. It is probably simply impossible to list all the reasons that push a person to betrayal, but the result is always almost the same - a loved one left in trouble or without the necessary help or treason.

Which of these betrayals is greater - treason, adultery or religious apostasy (the so-called apostasy)? How to measure it - material losses or moral? How does a person become a traitor and what happens to his worldview? There is no justification for betrayal and a traitor (in any case, it has not been found), but how to survive the betrayal of a person, has he violated loyalty or failed to fulfill his duty?

How to survive the betrayal of a loved one?

In ordinary life, people most often face the so-called “everyday” betrayal: abandoned loved ones, abandoned children, betrayal for material gain or career growth, indulging one’s own or someone else’s whims ... Sometimes such a betrayal seems small and insignificant (maybe not at all betrayal). But can betrayal be small, and can deception of someone's hopes be insignificant?

Unfortunately, people most often have to get acquainted with betrayal in childhood, and children experience betrayal much harder than adults could survive the same events. With age and with the acquisition of life experience, a person already understands people much better, knows how to move away from some events or words, therefore the reactions become different, and adults react to a much smaller number of events.

However, at different ages, people react to completely different words and actions. What was perceived as a betrayal in childhood, an adult can simply ignore - every passing year changes many priorities and preferences. Although, if you look more closely, at any age a person sharply perceives the actions of friends, but the older a person becomes, the more selective he is about the concept of friendship and the less people he calls real friends around him.

But with age, love comes into the life of any person. And it is precisely with love that a huge number of betrayals and betrayals, or what people consider betrayal and betrayal, are associated, because often betrayal in everyday life, including in love, is imaginary, far-fetched. One of the couple incorrectly assesses the emerging or established relationship and therefore considers some actions of his partner to be a betrayal, who perceives all relationships and all events in a completely different way.

For example, one of the couple is truly in love and evaluates everything that happens from this point of view, but the other partner simply allows himself to be loved or generally lives nearby for some reason of his own, which have nothing to do with love: close to work, you don’t have to pay for an apartment on your own, you don’t have to do some household chores ... And what does love have to do with it? Accordingly, where is the betrayal?

Probably, those couples who immediately stipulate how and why they are going to live together or on what basis their relationship is built are much more honest, because in this case there is no room for illusions and misjudgments in the relationship. After all, if a person does not love and is not going to take on any obligations and be faithful, then in such a relationship there is no place for betrayal. However, many often prefer to be deceived by building castles in the air.

But sometimes even those couples whose relationship was built, it would seem, on love, have to face betrayal. As a result, families fall apart, children remain abandoned, people with disabilities may be left without the necessary support ...

Do they deliberately betray people who used to be close, dear and loved? Yes, it is possible to justify the betrayer by the fact that he did not plan to do so, that the circumstances turned out to be stronger, that the person is inherently weak, that he simply did not have the strength and courage for an honest and frank conversation, that some actions are performed under the influence of momentary moods and generally thoughtlessly …

But does betrayal cease to be betrayal, even if all this is true? And will it be easier for the one who was betrayed? Yes, we can say that we need to be more attentive and selective, that we need to be more vigilant, that everyone builds relationships at their own discretion and imagination ... But will this make it easier? How to survive the betrayal of a person who seemed to be a reliable support, who was perceived as something unshakable and constant, who was believed and who was not just one, but the only one?

It probably wouldn't hurt to try to figure out what really happened first. Maybe there was no love - at least from the betraying side. Then there is no betrayal, but the relationship that one of the parties was built on completely different grounds simply ended. But if clarifications become too lengthy, painful or painful, then the best thing to do is not to find out the reasons for the action that has already taken place and the deed that has already been done, but simply to accept it as a fact, as something that has happened and cannot be returned back.

Forgive the betrayer? But to forgive betrayal is very difficult, if possible at all. Guided by the rule to be tolerant of other people's mistakes? But if this “mistake” destroyed a huge part of the world, touched the soul, undermined the trust in others? How to live on and how to build new relationships with people?

In psychology, in such cases, it is recommended to use the coping technique (human actions that help to cope with stress), according to which it is necessary to extract life experience from everything that happened so that another time not to step on the same rake.

If it seems that the betrayer is still dear and needed, then you need to think carefully about whether this is really so. And if the answer is yes, then you can try to build a relationship with this person again, really taking into account all his shortcomings and not building any illusions. But if the pain of betrayal is too strong and it is impossible to forget what happened, then it will be very difficult, if possible, to continue the relationship, so you should not even try.

It is completely unacceptable to cultivate resentment in oneself, to feel sorry for oneself, to cultivate a sense of one's own guilt for what happened, which as a result may well lead to a depressive state and many other troubles. But it’s also not worth pretending that nothing serious has happened, since the “hidden” resentment has not gone away and will corrode a person from the inside for a long time to come.

How to survive the pain of betrayal?

When a person is faced with betrayal, he will definitely have a question whether this could have been avoided, because if there were no betrayal, there would be no pain, and experiences, and torment ... Of course, betrayal can be avoided. But the question is: is a person ready to pay the price that guarantees that there will be no betrayals? And this price is a life without close people, without friends and without loved ones, without confidential conversations, without common joys and sorrows, without trust in people. That's right: if a person does not trust anyone, then no one will betray him. But who would trust him then?

When a person is born, he learns to trust others and build relationships with them based on trust. And only the experienced betrayal, with which they have not come to terms, teaches a person not to trust anyone, dooming him to a life of loneliness. It turns out that the opportunity to be friends and love and reciprocate this has a downside - the risk of being betrayed and experiencing all the bitterness of abandonment and loneliness. Should I take this risk? This decision is very individual, which is based both on the life experience of each, and on moral qualities, including the ability and willingness to forgive.

However, everyone is well aware that no words and no explanations can level or even significantly alleviate the blow inflicted by the betrayal of a loved one. Although, on the other hand, people are strangers, outsiders, distant ones and cannot betray, because they are far from the inner world of a person, from his secrets and pain points. No wonder they say that the closest people deal the most painful blows.

Betrayal often forces you to reconsider life priorities, life values and even life plans. And if not just a loved one betrays, but a loved one, then it seems to many that the sky has fallen on their heads, that life has stopped, that nothing good will ever happen again.

But in fact, the sky remained in its rightful place and life still goes on. They say that the Lord never sends more trials to a person than a person can bear. So, it is necessary to survive the betrayal, regarding it as another test. “This too shall pass,” was written on the ring of King Solomon, and everything really passes: first, the sharpness of perception is lost, and then, albeit very gradually, new deeds and impressions cover the former life and the former pain. Of course, a lot will be thought over and experienced, but the most important thing is not just to suffer inconsolably, but to do everything possible to realize these unpleasant (and even destructive) feelings and leave them in the past as soon as possible.

To survive the pain of betrayal, first of all, it is necessary to realize what actually happened, that is, not the fact itself, but the reason for what happened. Why did a loved one betray? Maybe the relationship has long exhausted itself and kept only on habit?

And there are many more such “maybes”. But if a person who used to be close and dear, in fact, turned out to be cowardly and unable to keep his word, then it’s still worth considering an unpleasant, but very likely option: it’s good that what happened happened, because living with a potential traitor who can in any the moment to “stab in the back” is even worse. Life constantly teaches a person lessons, and the betrayal of one's neighbor is one of them. And now it is important to get the most out of this lesson: learn to observe, draw conclusions, evaluate not only words, but also real actions ...

In order to survive the pain of betrayal as quickly and easily as possible, it is necessary (yes, it is really necessary) to agree that a person who has experienced betrayal has the right to be weak, and should not behave like a staunch tin soldier.

Of course, everyone remembers that any trials must be endured without losing face, but in the case of betrayal, you can quarrel, cry, and bang a couple of plates or wedding glasses on the floor, chop photos better than any shredder, throw away gifts and delete contacts in social networks. networks ... Sounds like a tantrum? If this does not become protracted, then this is not so scary - emotions need to be thrown out in order to return to normal life later. Yes, this life will be somewhat different from the previous one (and most likely, many), but there will be no betrayal in it, and this is worth a lot. Are the wedding glasses over? All joint photos turned into dust? Now it is possible and necessary (vital) to restore peace of mind.

Need to quickly and how painlessly survive the betrayal? So, you need to understand that life goes on: friends and colleagues remain, work or study remains, music, hobbies, delicious khachapuri, apples and seafood salad remain, Formula 1 remains, favorite detectives are in place, and even the completely unpretentious computer “Kerchief” is nowhere don't share. The neighbors still slam the door loudly, the mother still forgets to call back, the cat still bites the fluffy asparagus… Just one significant risk has become less - that's all.

How to survive betrayal? Yes, this is a real blow and a very strong impression that caused a storm of strong emotions. But it has long been known that some impressions can be replaced by others, so it is necessary (in this case it is really necessary) to find new experiences and emotions.

A movie theatre, a theater premiere, a football match, a karate class, raising a puppy or a kitten, learning to play the violin or the drum kit, a new project at work, learning Japanese - absolutely everything is fine. New people, new activities, new impressions will gradually oust the past, even the most painful one, from memory. And it’s not worth resurrecting the ghosts of past events, because you need to live now, not yesterday, and it makes sense to dream only about the future, but not about the past (unless historical restorations are used).

And one more thing: in order to survive the pain of betrayal, you just need to forgive and let go of the traitor. It's not easy, but it's necessary. After all, who said that the betrayer is easy and calm? Let us remember Judas, the thirty pieces of silver, the aspen tree at the end of the path...

Of course, not all traitors choose such an ending for themselves, but nothing will save them from the judgment of conscience. And in the end, it will always be harder for a traitor, because forgiving oneself one's own unseemly (to put it mildly) deeds is much more difficult than forgiving someone else ... Forgiving. Let go in peace. Agree that everyone builds a flourishing life in their own way. And move on with life. And only so! Life goes on.

Psychologist's advice: how to quickly survive the betrayal of a loved one

Sometimes the betrayal of someone close becomes the reason for visiting the office of a psychologist or psychotherapist. Of course, after a detailed conversation (or even more than one), the doctor will give certain recommendations on how to survive this extremely unpleasant situation, which sometimes seems simply tragic, faster and more painlessly.

First of all, the psychologist will advise you to throw out negative emotions without hurting other people. You can cry. You can complain to your friends on social networks. You can do physical work or exercise. You can immerse yourself in official duties or in social activities ... There are a lot of options for emotional relief, but the main thing is to return the ability to think rationally and make correct and adequate decisions.

Any psychologist will certainly give a very important and serious warning - even under the influence of the strongest emotions, one should not act in accordance with erroneous and dangerous stereotypes that are quite capable of ruining life in such a way that one does not even have to think about betrayal. You can not plunge into your suffering, and even worse - to cherish and aggravate them artificially.

The most important rule to remember in any difficult, unpleasant or even tragic situation is a firm “no” to any alcohol. I don’t even want to talk about the fact that a drunk person looks pathetic at best, and most often disgusting, because this has been said a myriad of times. In addition, uncontrolled drinking (under any pretext) can lead to alcoholism, which most often turns out to be a one-way ticket - getting out of the arms of the green snake is disproportionately more difficult than getting into these arms. But that's not all.

The saddest thing in the situation with alcohol is that neither vodka, nor cognac, nor beer, nor any other alcoholic drink solves the problem, but only aggravates it, while adding new troubles.

Of course, the psychologist will also warn of the danger that a desire to avenge one's pain to the whole world can cause, regardless of how much the rest of the world is involved in a difficult situation. The betrayer may well not know about the accomplished "exploits", but how many will remain undeservedly offended? But often there is such a temptation to ruin the life of everyone who comes to hand ... This is not just not the best idea, but the idea is categorically wrong and extremely dangerous, because this way you can lose all your loved ones, including friends and acquaintances. The world is not to blame for the fact that perfection does not exist, but after all, not only losses and suffering are possible in the world - new meetings, and new love, and new joys are quite likely.

It is very important not to dwell on your troubles, even if they seem just universal, because the Universe continues to live on. Stars and planets are spinning in the same way, rivers are also flowing and glaciers are melting, children are still being born and new couples are falling in love with each other. And in the same way, not only one person needs help, because it turns out that the betrayal of even the closest person is not the biggest grief in the world, where there are earthquakes and floods, environmental disasters and wars. Maybe it's worth looking at the surrounding reality a little closer and finding a use for yourself, for example, in helping the wounded on the battlefield or helping sick children?

Sometimes a psychologist may advise you to start a "Diary of Happiness", in which you need to make all the good things that happened during the day. Rainbow, an interesting film, a touching kitten playing on the lawn - all life consists of such trifles, and happiness is made up of them.

Of course, any psychologist will strongly recommend turning on positive thinking: you don’t have to think about your losses and misfortunes, but it’s better to agree with the well-known truth that each “plus” consists of two “minuses”, therefore, “pluses” must always be looked for in everything . Betrayed is a “minus”, but there is no more traitor around, and this is a “plus”.

The weather is good, the salary has been raised (or even just promised), the party at college or at work is a success - these are small or even tiny “pluses” that you should focus on so as not to feel like the embodiment of universal grief and sorrow.

Of course, in an individual conversation, a psychologist will be able to give a lot of other advice, using which in practice it will be possible to get rid of the feeling of loss, hopelessness and other apocalyptic impressions.

conclusions

When a person is born, he still knows nothing about love, or hatred, or loyalty, or betrayal. Then a person will learn to smile, walk, talk, believe and trust. And so I don’t want people to lose faith in others, so that the world turns from colorful and warm to black and white and cold.

But in life you have to pay for everything, and money is the simplest and most painless form of payment. Often you have to pay with your emotions, habits, attachments, friendship, love, loyalty ... It's hard, it's very difficult and not easy. But after all, behind any of the blackest clouds, a bright and warm sun is hiding, which will definitely look out. But life is endless, and therefore the end of one thing means the beginning of something next.

How to survive betrayal? Yes, just live. To live by helping others, raising children, growing cacti on the windowsill and training a cheerful puppy, making plans for the summer and going to the pool or gym ...

There should be no place for hopelessness in life, even if it suddenly seems that everything is over and everything is lost, because life is wise and beautiful even in its complexity and because life is endless and inexhaustible.