How to overcome lack of self-confidence in certain situations. What is self-doubt

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“I'm ugly”, “I won't succeed”, “Everything is lost” - these and similar phrases can often be heard from people who do not love themselves. Psychologists call this behavior toxic, because it can poison the life not only of those who are always insecure in themselves, but also of everyone around them. That is why a relationship with such a person is a real test of strength. After all, the partner has to console, inspire and inspire confidence, instead of enjoying life.

We are in website we decided to figure out why it is so difficult to love people who do not love themselves, and now we know for sure why it is so difficult to live with them.

1. Absorb all your emotions and demand new ones.

People who do not love themselves need constant confirmation of love for them from other people. In every word, look and deed they see a catch, a secret meaning. And this is not a bad character: it is really difficult for an insecure person to figure out whether they confess to him sincerely or just to appease.

It is very difficult to communicate with someone who sees only the bad in everything. Perhaps, at first, an ardent lover will take on the role of a fairy-tale prince who will console the eternal crybaby, but very soon he will run out of steam. Because she wants to be good and listen to herself sweet speeches, which she begins to demand in huge quantities. A little carried away by his work - and she is already crying.

2. They only talk about themselves and their feelings.

Insecure people often combine two opposite qualities - they do not love themselves, but at the same time they are extremely selfish. Ideally, the relationship between two people is a dialogue that is conducted on an equal footing. But not in this case. Complexity makes a person think and talk only about himself. This type of people can morally devastate even the most patient partner.

3. Negative emotions are brighter for them.

An insecure person suspects that in fact he is of little worth. But all the time to engage in self-abasement is too unpleasant, so he is often busy devaluing and belittling everything that surrounds him. The doctors in the clinic are fools, the shop assistants are rude, the friend's wife is terrible, and the friend himself is an alcoholic. And in the midst of all this disgrace, he is even nothing. Therefore, the partner needs support and sympathy for the fact that you have to live among all this rabble. Well, praise and admiration for the fact that he is such a fine fellow.

4. Prone to cheating

Truly self-confident people do not need unnecessary confirmation of their own irresistibility. They already know this, because confidence lives inside - it does not need external recharge.

The situation is quite different for those who are not accustomed to love and self-care. Their self-esteem depends on others. Doubts about their own beauty force them to look for love on the side. Everyone who shows sympathy for them, they write down in the circle of close associates and jump headlong into the whirlpool of "passion". And there is always something to blame for a permanent partner - usually that he does not give enough love.

5. They constantly prove something to the whole world and to themselves.

Researchers claim that people who are too critical of themselves have a neurotic personality type. They are restless and anxious for no reason. And they are always dissatisfied with themselves and those around them, and this pushes them to constantly search for an ideal - a new job that will be better than the previous one, or to buy worthless things and unnecessary acquaintances. They seem to be forced to constantly prove to themselves and to the whole world that they are actually not bad guys. It is unlikely that life with such a person will be calm and measured.

6. Jealous and checking

Blind jealousy is the lot of insecure people. It is impossible for someone who does not love himself to believe that his partner has real feelings for him. Sometimes relationships turn into an endless search for a catch. This is a completely painful situation, because because of doubts in love, a jealous person begins real surveillance, and there is a great risk that you will get yourself a real domestic tyrant. And no assurances of fidelity will help: such a person will always have few of them.

7. Don't live for today

Insecure people are sometimes called infantiles, sometimes lazybones, but one thing is clear: they do not want to take responsibility for their lives, giving their partner this “honorable duty”. Fear of the future prevents them from planning their lives for more than a month or two. And regrets about the past pull back and do not allow you to live a real life. In any case, such people are unsuitable for a life that “for some reason” must be lived.

8. Get addicted

A void lives inside a constantly dissatisfied partner. There are no interests absorbing attention and time, no responsibility, no worries about tomorrow. Therefore, he will definitely try to fill the void inside himself with the help of his beloved, pulling out of him more and more declarations of love, admiration, gifts, promises to be together forever and assurances of fidelity. In the end, this is debilitating, because it is impossible for a person to be everything - a friend, a partner and a “vest”.

• Sometimes parents unconsciously impose their fears on us or set too high expectations. This often makes us unsure of our abilities.
• Do not blame the parents, they wished us well. We have grown up and now we can take responsibility for our own lives.

Self-doubt, excessive shyness, as a rule, are rooted in childhood. Parents have a huge impact on a child's sense of self. They become a kind of mirror that praises, reflecting a beautiful picture, and criticizes, revealing flaws. How our parents and other adults “reflect” us is imprinted in our psyche and influences the formation of our ideas about ourselves. Understanding the impact parents have had on each of us developing self-confidence or shyness is the first step to regaining self-esteem.

Self-doubt can be a defining characteristic of a person, but most often it manifests itself only in certain aspects of life. You are a self-confident professional, but you have problems communicating with friends and building close relationships… You are doing great with the tasks that your boss gives you, but you lose ground when it comes to raising the issue of a salary increase… Try to be as specific as possible Identify the areas of your life that have been affected by your self-doubt. This will help you better understand where the problem is rooted.

Self-doubt is always a product of a person's personal history.

We are not born shy, too timid or anxious, we acquire these traits throughout our lives, facing different situations and people, getting this or that experience. Our relationships with parents and other adults are key to developing a sense of self - confident or not. You should not completely shift the responsibility for your own neuroses and psychological problems to your parents. However, there are several behavioral patterns that have a potential threat to the child's self-esteem.

1. Swap your parents' dreams for your own.

"How clumsy you are!" - says the mother of her five-year-old daughter, looking irritably at the joyful, childishly plump child. Mother once dreamed of becoming a ballerina, but it did not work out, and now she consoles herself with the hope that at least her daughter will become the next Maya Plisetskaya.

Parents sometimes cannot resist and project their dreams of success, happiness or wealth onto their children: where they failed, their children will surely succeed. Dreams in and of themselves are not bad. However, often the wishes of the child himself are not taken into account at all. Parents see in him only a future "champion", a more successful version of themselves and are not ready to accept him as he is. At this moment, a seed of doubt arises in the mind of the child: “Am I good enough? What do I need to do to be loved, if just being myself is clearly not enough?

A little later, the parents realize that their dreams are not destined to come true. Instead of understanding themselves, they see the cause of disappointment in an imperfect child. As a result, children get self-doubt, as well as guilt and shame for not meeting parental expectations. Subsequently, these feelings can manifest themselves in any area of ​​life - at work, in friendship, in personal life, in relation to a person's own body.

Perhaps right now you are still trying to be the epitome of success for your parents. Try to separate the desires of your parents from your own and take the first step towards what you have dreamed of since childhood.

2. Seek support in difficult situations

“My father always told me that I would definitely succeed in everything,” recalls Ekaterina. - Only now I understand that it was a form of rejection of my difficulties. My father had financial problems then, and he did not want to worry about me either. Now I have a little daughter growing up on my own, and I don't want to make his mistakes. In order for her to grow confident, I need to be very attentive to the slightest signs of her shyness, such as the inability to make friends or the fear of oral answers at school. Often parents, preoccupied with their own problems, may not notice that the child also has difficulties.

Growing up, such people suffer from a general self-doubt: having no experience of support in anxious and difficult situations, they do not trust either themselves or the world. Their relationships with others are filled with fear of intimacy, distrust and uncertainty that anyone is able to take them seriously.

Try to start trusting others at least in a small way. Once you get a feel for how life-saving support can be, it will become easier for you to overcome your insecurities.

3. Find the courage to take risks

“We will never buy you a scooter, you will get into an accident.” For anxious parents, life is a continuous danger. That is why they tend to be overprotective of their children. This feeling of pervasive anxiety is very contagious! If parents are constantly fighting imaginary dangers, their children are more likely to internalize this distrust of the world. The child begins to avoid any activity, especially those associated with emotional or physical risks. As a result, the necessary social skills are simply not trained, and a person acquires self-doubt and self-doubt.

Anxiety can easily transform into a fear of meeting new people or fear of superiors. Obtained prohibitions and habitual fears can also manifest themselves in those areas of life that are not directly related to the original cause of anxiety - in problems at work, in relationships with friends and with a loved one.

The world is not as dangerous as your parents told you. Surely you have long wanted to try something, but did not dare - perhaps now is the right time.

4. You are definitely capable of more.

Maria's parents have always been distinguished by pessimistic views on life. They never allowed their daughter to even dream of a prosperous and successful life. On the contrary, they inspired her that “every cricket should know its hearth”, “one should rejoice in the little and not demand more from life.” Having become an adult, Maria did not dare to go to college and quit her job, which did not bring satisfaction.

Our internal representations force us to change, grow and look for ways to develop. But in order to build these perceptions, we need parents who will encourage us to listen to our desires.

Parents have their own way of life. Perhaps, in their youth, a job change was indeed too much of a shock. But you don't have to inherit their fears and insecurities. You have your own life, in which there are many opportunities to become happier.

5. The ideals of parents can not be matched.

“My daughter is completely unique. She is talented, smart, and even beautiful, ”says the proud mother, introducing her daughter to her acquaintances. And the little frightened girl at this moment wants only one thing: to fall through the ground! Excessive praise can harm a child's self-esteem just as much as devaluing remarks. Praise and compliments do not allow the child to form his own vision of himself and his potential. He is forced to compare his own idea of ​​himself with the unattainable ideal drawn by the parent.

In adulthood, a person will suffer from a sense of his own failure and emptiness. After all, no matter how hard he tries, the ideals drawn by his parents turn out to be an unbearable burden.

Try to accept yourself as imperfect. In the end, everyone has advantages and disadvantages.

6. Feel free to celebrate your successes

Unfortunately, there are some parents who see their own children as rivals whose success can allegedly outshine their own. Usually such people themselves are too infantile or have unresolved psychological problems.

The child's psyche registers such desires of the parents and can react to them in different ways. Often the child develops psychosomatic diseases. In this case, "flight" into illness may be a symbolic expression of a desire for security that the child never had.
Another scenario - the child quickly understands that his parents are able to truly rejoice only in his failures ... And no matter what such a person does, he will unconsciously strive for failure everywhere: in work, study, family. Fears, prohibitions and anxieties received in childhood will help him "succeed" in this.

Relationships between children and parents play a key role in building a child's self-confidence. It is important to remember that an emotionally dysfunctional childhood, while it can be a barrier to success, is not an insurmountable barrier. When you were a child, the words and actions of your parents had a huge impact on you, but this is no longer the case. You are an adult independent person, you are quite capable of creating a happy future for yourself, and only you will be responsible for how it will turn out.

7. Don't blame your parents

Susan Jeffers, author of Be Afraid...But Act! How to turn fear from an enemy into an ally ”, offers his own way to gain self-confidence. We must accept that fear is an integral part of our lives, and turning it into confidence is already a task for each of us. “Self-confidence starts when you can say, “I'm not going to blame my parents or my classmates at school for bullying me. I'm going to take charge of my life here and now," Jeffers said.

To gain self-confidence, it is important to understand that setbacks and failures are inevitable for everyone. At the same time, it depends only on us whether we will be able to extract some experience from this or fall into the abyss of self-abasement and self-doubt.

No life lesson can be unambiguously negative. “Imagine that you go to an interview and you are not hired. What's next? You can blame yourself for not making a good enough impression, or you can look at the situation from a different angle. What lesson can you learn from this experience? Are you well prepared? Could you have done something differently to get this position? Was this job really the one you wanted? Look for meaning in what happened, and do not get depressed. If you allow yourself to succumb to discouragement, you won't get anything out of the situation."

Look for new activities that will bring you joy and satisfaction.

There is an opinion that if a person is too dependent on work or relationships, he is not confident in himself. Jeffers agrees: “When one thing you depend on breaks down, your life inevitably becomes empty. To maintain self-confidence, it is very important to make your life rich and rich in impressions and events.

Start with what works. This will give you confidence. Look for new activities that will bring you joy and satisfaction. Insensibly, you will find that your abilities no longer seem so limited to you, and you feel confident in your own abilities.

Self-doubt as a personality trait - a tendency to show inner fear, disbelief in oneself and one's strengths, inability to make a decision, express a sense of confidence (an inner sense of strength and rightness) and confident behavior.

The phenomenon of the “Jewish mother” is well known, who does not have a soul in her child and from the cradle inspires the baby: “Izya, you are a genius!”. If the teacher speaks badly about her child, she says: “Izya! We are not understood here. I'm going to another school." The Russians are sawing: "Ivan, you are a fool." They raise a child like a naughty cat: “Don’t go in, don’t yell, you’ll shit, I’ll kill you! Why are you so fat, you bastard? Go play with the ball!" And then they wonder why there are so many Jews among scientists, cultural figures, bankers and chess players. The secret is simple: self-confident people grow up as a natural result of respectful upbringing. Self-doubt grows out of mistakes in education.

The child imitates the reactions of insecure, helpless parents to the events of life. Until the age of six, his mind is not able to critically process incoming information. Direct and indirect harmful suggestions, beliefs, psychological attitudes, prejudices, delusions and stereotypes of thinking of parents, overflowing with self-doubt, directly fall into the subconscious of the child. From this garbage of uncertainty, a bizarre bouquet is formed - a system of his ideas about life. Direct harmful suggestions are phrases like: “you don’t deserve this”, “not for Senka’s hat”, « you won’t succeed”, “don’t even try”, “where are you going”, “you will play the fool all your life and stick to the wall. Indirect harmful suggestions: « at least some kind of work for you, so that you don’t die of hunger ” ( implicit suggestions : “you will not find a decent job”, “you can starve to death”), “you at least some, but a husband” ( implicit suggestions : “you are ugly”, “you won’t find a good husband”), and other insidious phrases in the same vein. In other words, uncertainty is not an innate quality. Uncertainty is a product of human socialization.

And so, such an insecure creature steps into the adult world. But it cannot reach the goal because of disbelief in itself. Since childhood, it has learned that all its actions are doomed to failure. Presenting itself as a small person, an insect, it overestimates the outside world. For example, he has a goal to go to university. Not believing in its capabilities, on the one hand, and trembling before the authority of the university, on the other, it falls into a stupor, into a stupor. The external significance of entering the university causes agonizing expectation, and the internal significance is filled with a lack of faith in one's abilities. Merged, they turn into uncertainty. All energy goes into anxiety, anxiety and fear. There is no energy left for exams.

Uncertainty is confidence diluted with fear and reverence for the significance of the outside world. In the Canadian TV series Being Erica, the character says, “Uncertainty is in us all. That inner voice that says we can't do anything, that we're not good, that we'd better not even try. And when we listen to this voice, we restrain ourselves, and we don't even realize it. Because we're afraid to take risks, to take risks to challenge our fears and see what we're really capable of."

Uncertainty is brought to life by two main reasons: internal - fear and external - reverence for the external, an overestimation of objects and phenomena of the surrounding world - importance. Uncertainty is laced with fear. For example, a person is afraid to swim (fear), thinking that he will fail (uncertainty). Or another example: a person wants to take a walk in the evening, but feels insecure because of cases of hooliganism in the area. Upon learning that the streets of the area were patrolled by the police, the fear disappeared, and the uncertainty along with it.

Any person experiences uncertainty and a certain discomfort, being outside the zone of his competence. For example, the oligarch's beloved dog became seriously ill. He is directly "shaking with confidence." Of course, not a trace remained of confidence. There was fear and uncertainty. He got into a turbulent zone of uncertainty. So he calls the best veterinarian. A veterinarian is a person who is unsure of his financial affairs, but a true professional in his field. And so it turns out: the veterinarian in the field of finance is insecure compared to the oligarch, and the oligarch is insecure in the field of medicine, where the veterinarian feels confident.

Uncertainty is confidence with the opposite sign. Like confidence, it depends not only on fear, but also on external factors and circumstances. We try to prove our worth to ourselves and the world. It takes the lion's share of our energy. When you give up the desire to stick out and prove to everyone that you are so good and important, but simply calmly relate to your importance, those around you will involuntarily feel it. Your self-esteem and your own importance will equal the assessment of others. Others have a sixth sense of your importance.

Above an insecure person, that is, a person with low self-esteem, like a sword of Damocles, hangs the significance of everything external. The situation is exacerbated if guilt is also mixed in. Since childhood, uncertainty feeds on feelings of guilt and drags him along, like a repeat offender with a criminal record. Hence the feeling of inferiority, inferiority and unworthiness. With such baggage, life goes on sluggishly, indecisively and mediocrely. At the same time, manipulators flock to the feeling of guilt like flies to the trash heap. Playing on guilt, they force you to make excuses and prove something. You lose energy and grow your insecurities, and they assert themselves at your expense. It is absolutely impossible to make excuses in front of others.

Tell yourself: “I have every right to be myself: to rejoice and grieve, to make mistakes, to commit “wrong” actions, from the point of view of others, to defend myself if I am offended. I have the right to have and express my feelings, assessments and opinions without justifying or apologizing. I have the right to independently set my own priorities and remain myself, despite the opinions of others. Saying no without feeling guilty.

Nobody has the right to judge you. Send the manipulators away. Remember: your significance is not subject to judgment . Only in this way will you get rid of the painful feeling of guilt. In other words, by stopping fighting for your importance and giving up the desire to make excuses, you will resolve issues of your inner importance. She, just, and manifests itself in two ways: anxiety about their own significance and guilt.

You don't owe anything to anyone and you don't owe anything to anyone. You love your family. Take care of her perform your duties conscientiously and conscientiously. Coercion and persuasion are two very different things. There is no duty or coercion in persuasion. To anyone who trespasses on your personal boundaries, say, “I don't have to be an angel. All people are not sinless. I am not obliged to justify the expectations of others, to tear the veins and sacrifice my Self for the sake of others.

In addition to the internal, it is also necessary to deal with the external importance, which manifests itself in the uncertainty and complexity of the problems. The saying “It is always better where we are not” is just from this series. There is no need to exaggerate the importance of the objects of the surrounding world. This causes concern and anxiety. For example, you want to get a job, but consider yourself unworthy of the desired position - self-doubt makes itself felt. Fighting for a position is not your method and style of behavior. You will worry, worry and steadily slide into depression. These emotions will take all the energy. If you consciously drop the halo of importance from the desired position and understand that it is not the gods who burn the pots, you will most likely take this position. It turns out that in order to achieve a position that you fully correspond to, it was only necessary to reduce the importance of the position. The energy that was previously mercilessly spent on experiencing their worthlessness is now spent on an unobtrusive presentation of their best qualities to the employer.

Even animals can be caught exaggerating the importance of objects in the outside world. On TV they told a story about a thoroughbred stallion who could not be bred with a mare. They looked for the most beautiful mares for him, and every time the stallion gave in to them. Then some doc understood everything. He smeared the beautiful mare with mud, and the stallion quickly mounted her. The thing is that the stallion was shy in front of beauty, and when she was smeared, soiled with mud, he realized that he himself was no worse or even better. Men sometimes talk almost like horses.

Often an insecure person seeks confirmation of his own importance in the outside world through boorish and arrogant behavior. To this end, he can humiliate others, behave aggressively. Boars and impudent people are insecure people. In order to somehow assert themselves, to prove to themselves their importance, they begin to show arrogance and rudeness.

As for uncertainty: operating in an unstable environment and not having full information about upcoming events, we all have to somehow manage risks. It is not the reality of what is happening that destroys us, but the uncertainty of this reality. Uncertainty cannot be dealt with. Take the sphere of business or finance. Business is a risk. If we do not take risks, then we will not earn anything. Whoever does not take risks, as you know, does not drink champagne and does not sit in prison. It is necessary to treat uncertainty calmly, as an inevitable reality. We are all in the same conditions on the same boat of life. The main thing is to drop the importance, and the uncertainty will disappear.

Petr Kovalev

Exist., number of synonyms: 3 fearfulness (23) timidity (26) modesty (7) ... Synonym dictionary

Lack of self-esteem- - fear to undertake what l. required actions due to doubts in their strengths, capabilities, abilities to carry them out successfully, fear of failure. Wed sensitivity, self-confidence… Encyclopedic Dictionary of Psychology and Pedagogy

UNCERTAINTY, uncertainty, pl. no, female distraction noun to the unsure; behavior, a state of insecurity. Lack of self-esteem. Explanatory Dictionary of Ushakov. D.N. Ushakov. 1935 1940 ... Explanatory Dictionary of Ushakov

uncertainty- in what. It cost me a lot to defeat the lack of confidence in success (Aksakov) ... Control Dictionary

Uncertainty- a negative moral and ethical quality of a person, expressing doubt, indecision, distrust of oneself and one's judgments. This quality sprouts in conditions of incomplete information, unclear, indefinite goals. In this state, the subject ... ... Fundamentals of spiritual culture (encyclopedic dictionary of a teacher)

AND; and. Lack of confidence. N. in himself. N. in success. I heard in the voice... encyclopedic Dictionary

uncertainty- and; and. Lack of confidence. Lack of self-esteem. Uncertainty in success. There was uncertainty in the voice... Dictionary of many expressions

CUSTOMER DISCERN IN SELF- the client's lack of confidence in his abilities and capabilities that he is able to successfully cope with his life problems ... Glossary of terms for psychological counseling

self confidence- the readiness of the subject to solve rather complex problems, and the level of claims does not decrease due to fear of failure alone. If the level of ability is significantly lower than required for the intended action, then overconfidence takes place. Dictionary… … Great Psychological Encyclopedia

Self-confidence training Individual or group training in confident ways of behaving in official, formal and interpersonal relationships. Historically, the first self-confidence training program is considered conditionally ... ... Wikipedia

One of the psychotherapeutic methods adjacent to behavioral psychotherapy. Fensterheim H., author of Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No, a behavioral psychotherapist and psychologist, believes that training, ... ... Psychotherapeutic Encyclopedia

Books

• Farewell, shyness! A practical guide to overcoming shyness and developing self-confidence, Lowndes Leil. Self-doubt is our main enemy, the main source of our troubles and failures in life. In this book, Leil Lowndes, best-selling author of How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You and How to Talk to Anyone and…
• Goodbye Shyness: 85 Ways to Overcome Shyness and Gain Self-Confidence, Lowndes L. Self-doubt is our main enemy, the main source of our troubles and failures in life. In his new book, Leil Lowndes, best-selling author of How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You and How to Talk to Someone...

Do you get the feeling that you have already read all the books and watched all the television shows on this topic, but there was no self-confidence, and no? Maybe you have been fighting this problem all your life and have already lost faith in victory? You are not the first to think that he will never get rid of his lack of self-confidence. Fortunately, boosting your self-confidence is entirely possible if you focus on your natural worth and personal potential.

Steps

Build Your Confidence

Develop your strengths. Usually we get feedback when something went wrong. Therefore, we often dwell on the negative, not noticing the positive. Instead of trying to overcome your weaknesses, channel your energy into developing your natural talents.

• After analyzing your strengths, make a strategic plan for how you can use them to your success. Success in any field increases self-confidence.
• For example, if you are naturally good at drawing, you can practice and hone these skills in your free time. When you have the opportunity to showcase your talent, such as entering a school poster contest or other play activities, you will be more confident and able to offer your services because you already know you are good at it.

1. Change your language. Learn to change that inner voice that keeps saying in your head: "you're not good enough" or "you can't do it." Once you catch yourself in this negative self-talk, start changing those statements about yourself.

   • For example, in response to thoughts like "you're not good enough," you might reflect on how you've already proved to be good and effective in some area.
   • If you notice that you are having a negative dialogue with yourself, try to translate negative thoughts into positive ones.

2. Set yourself small SMART goals and strive to achieve them. If we properly prepare to achieve goals, it increases our self-confidence. You can set goals for yourself in various areas of your life: school, work, basketball, singing, writing, and so on. By achieving your goals, you will automatically receive effective feedback and strive to achieve new ones. Start small and gradually increase the scope and complexity of your goals as your self-confidence grows. Goals that contribute to the growth of self-confidence should be:

   • S specific - specific
   • M easurable - measurable
   • A actionable - executable
   • R ealistic - realistic
   • T ime-bound - time-bound
   • E xciting - inspiring
   • R ecorded - fixed, or recorded.

3. Be polite to those around you. Be polite no matter what. It doesn’t take much knowledge or strength to be kind to others, but your actions will bring you immeasurable benefits. It's safe to say that being kind to others helps us live longer, be more successful at work, reduce stress, and feel happier.

   Dress to feel good. The clothes you wear can either make you glare at the mirror or blush with pleasure at your appearance. Whatever you wear, remember that clothing can affect your self-confidence. Therefore, choose a set of clothes so that it matches the image that you would like to show to the world.

   How to overcome lack of self-confidence in certain situations

   1. Don't turn down invitations. Sometimes low self-esteem leads us to try to isolate ourselves from other people. Fear of rejection or embarrassment causes us to forego opportunities to connect with people. Unfortunately, people around us may form the wrong opinion and conclude that we do not like them or we are not interested in communicating with them. Sooner or later they will stop inviting us.

      • If you are invited to a party or some kind of meeting, say yes, do not refuse. Of course, you won't be able to take part in all the events that you are invited to, but if you can go, try to do so.
      • If you say yes, then the inviter understands that you are interested in the relationship.
      • Moreover, the more you gain experience in communication, the more your self-confidence increases. Even if you feel embarrassed or out of sorts at first, take on the challenge and attend the event anyway.

   2. Visualize your success. Visualization is a powerful tool used by athletes and other successful people. On the eve of a stressful situation - whether it's a party where you don't know anyone, an important presentation or an important match - imagine how well you cope with it. Paint a picture for yourself: you confidently walk into a party and greet the first group of people you meet there; imagine yourself at a presentation that you conduct without errors and easily answer all questions; try to see yourself in the game at the moment when you shoot the ball into the basket, score a goal or a touchdown.

      Admire other people in the process of communication. Low self-esteem is often fueled by self-obsession. This tendency to pay too much attention to yourself only reinforces negative feelings. Try to focus not on yourself, but on those around you. Enter into a conversation, try to find out as much as possible about your interlocutor. People will appreciate your interest, and you will be able to make a hole in your reflection.

   3. Watch the secular lions. Each of us is familiar with several masters of communication. These people know how to listen to you so carefully that you might think you are the most interesting person in this room. On the other hand, they know how to carry on a conversation and keep it intriguing.

      • If you find yourself at some social event, watch how such masters behave. Do they stand in the corner and wait for attention to start a conversation? What does their body language express? How much do they talk and how much do they listen?
      • It is clear that there is no need to change and imitate another person at all. However, there are a few tactics you can learn from outgoing people to help you deal with these situations.

   4. Learn to endure situations in which you are rejected. Rejection is an essential part of life. Even those who, as it seems to us, feel in society like a fish in water, someone rejects. It doesn’t matter in what situation you experienced a rejection: you were not hired, you were not accepted into some organization, the person you were interested in did not pay attention to you - be that as it may, you can always find a way to survive these unpleasant feelings.

      • Be reasonable. If you know that your chances of getting a job, position or other desired benefits are negligible, you can still try to get what you want. But at the same time, you should recognize that the situation is not in your favor and you risk being rejected.
      • Try to boost your chances by applying to several places at once for several positions. If the chances of success are low, try to increase them by throwing more wood on the fire. Don't bet all on one thing. Have a few fallbacks. This will protect your self-esteem in case you get rejected or rejected.
      • Don't take rejection personally. If you're asking someone for information or trying to get a job, rejection doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. This is not a personal rejection. Consider that everyone has their own preferences, and you may not fit their unique requirements. Remember that each closed door brings you closer to the one that is open to you and meets your needs.