Shevchenko's sermon on covenant relationships. Christian Sermons Online

Marriage - what is it really like? His main secret is love. It is no coincidence that the Bible has so much written about it, and it is not for nothing that we talk so much about this all-encompassing feeling. Family is also inseparable from love, like the body from the soul. The first cannot exist without the second.

A person's main concern is to be sure that he is loved. The basic need of a child who is constantly looking for parental love is the confidence that he is not a biological accident, that he is needed, that he was expected. He just needs to feel and know that he was desired even before his conception and birth. One day, one man shared his bitter conclusion, which he came to after calculating the years between how children were born in his family: “Probably, they weren’t expecting me after all...”. The very thought of a person being rejected, of not being an eagerly awaited child, leads to secret fear. And on the contrary, the realization that he is the desired object on which they wanted to pour out their most tender feelings takes an important place in a person’s heart.

When a girl gets married, she places herself at the mercy and command of a man she has not known before, and it is very important for her to be sure that she is loved. It is not without reason that the most beautiful and happiest memories belong to the period of premarital relations. It is then that a man tries to capture the heart of his girlfriend. The virtues of the beloved rise to the proper, high level, where only she, like a star, shines in the center of his full attention. In the Song of Songs it is written:
“As the lily is among the thorns, so is my beloved among the maidens.” PP.2:2

Of course, there are girls, women even more beautiful than his beloved. But love singles out its object, and then the entire flow of tenderness and passion, sexual energy, is directed towards one person. The girl, under the influence of such an abundance of feelings, agrees to get married. It is love that affirms, convinces and certifies a girl that she is loved, unique and irreplaceable. It is enough for a married woman to let into her consciousness the thought - the bacterium - that she is replaceable, for this to lead to a serious crack in the foundation of the family. Even a half-joking conversation about divorce and the possibility of remarriage, made by a married couple, becomes the cause of an infection harmful to the family, when a destructive thought penetrates the heart of one of the spouses that he is no longer in the foreground.

A woman’s self-affirmation lies precisely in her husband. Not even in God. The Bible definitely says:

“The head of a man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband.” 1 Cor. 11:3

It is also written that God created a wife from Adam and brought her to Adam. A girl comes to her husband, wanting to know that she will always be loved and needed by him. Today, the feminist movement in society is intensively and persistently developing the idea that women are absolutely equal to men. That she is self-sufficient. Her intelligence, career and earnings may even be higher than men's. Of course, all this can happen, with the exception of one thing - happiness. No matter how she asserts herself in society, no matter how many admirers she has, no matter how much admiration there is for her figure, intelligence and everything else, her life will not be complete without a husband who needs her.

Features of Covenant Relationships

The covenant cannot be collective. The covenant is a mystery. This is an agreement and harmony between two. When a man and woman enter into a marriage covenant, they enter into the realm where it is written:
“The husband has no power over his body, but the wife, and the wife has no power over her body, but the husband.” 1 Cor. 7:4

This means that these two each place themselves at the mercy of each other.
The dignity of a married woman is in her status - she is married. Despite God's strong love, a woman's dignity is greatly diminished if her husband stops loving her. It takes a lot of effort for a woman not to break down in such a situation. On the spiritual level, where God's love holds her, she will survive, but on the spiritual, emotional level, the loss of love and respect from her husband will definitely hurt her. Without approval from her own spouse, it is impossible for a woman to assert herself.
"For man is not from woman, but woman is from man." 1 Cor. 11:8

The phrase "wife from husband" implies that the husband was created first. He is the glory of God and his head is Christ. Even though Eve sinned first and brought her husband down to it, God demanded an explanation from Adam as the head. The husband is taken from God, he is the image and glory of God, and the wife is the glory of the husband. Therefore, the affirmation of man cannot be in woman, but exclusively in God.

Family hierarchy

“And man was not created for wife, but woman for man.” 1 Cor.11:9

The question of hierarchy is inevitable. When a wife does not recognize male authority over her, she thereby violates the entire backbone of the family. It happens that women say: “Who needs to please more, people or God”? But the right to disobey one's husband is acceptable only in cases of outright male disobedience and contempt for the Holy Scriptures and God.
“Therefore, a wife should have on her head a sign of power over her, for the Angels.” 1 Corinthians 11:10

The sphere of power is vast. For example, the presence of power in the state is mandatory, although outwardly invisible, with the exception of rare cases of forced use of law enforcement agencies. Basically, authority means having spiritual authority. There is no need to exercise power when its existence and obedience to it are undeniable. It’s the same in the family - there is no need to exercise power over a woman who recognizes the authority of her husband. One day, a Roman centurion said, “The word is enough,” meaning that the word has power over those under his command, even without the use of physical force. The principle and strength of the centurion's authority is in his obedience. After all, the centurion, although the commander himself, is also a subordinate person, and the subordination of the soldiers to him depends on his obedience to his leadership. Likewise, a wife’s submission to her husband depends on the husband’s obedience to God. A common problem among married men is their personal disobedience to God. Attempts to establish power in the family with the help of shouts, threats and fists of the husband, who himself does not recognize the highest authority over himself, are ultimately unsuccessful.

When a wife recognizes her husband’s power over her, she is in subordination, where rank is the root word on which it is desirable to place emphasis. God gave the husband the rank of head, and the woman, who is in subordination, is firmly established. In addition, by her obedience to her husband, she releases the power of angels who:
“...they are ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation.” Hebrews 1:14

There is an opinion that God controls the angels. Absolutely true, but they do not serve Him. He, who gives breath and life to everything, commanded the angels to protect us people on all our paths. “A sign of power over her, for the Angels” is her submission to her husband. The ministering spirits are placed at the service of the subordinate woman. The prayers of such a woman do not go unanswered, and the power of her words does not lie in the wealth of her intellect or the use of physical strength. Her children are obedient to her, because she also recognizes her husband’s authority over herself.

Me or us?

A modern woman is trying to assert herself outside of her husband. It doesn’t matter in what field her success is achieved, if there is no respect in her own home, then any of her achievements are just seduction.
“For whoever does not know how to manage his own house will care for the Church of God?” 1 Timothy 3:5

Well-known speaker of one of the large churches, Paula White, announced her divorce from her husband. According to her, the reason for the divorce was the difference in their ministries and this makes family unity impossible. I would like to ask, did God, who brought people together, give them such different ministries that they were unable to be together? In other words, this woman blamed the Creator for her divorce. One can hardly call the ministry of a man whose family has failed successful! It is better to leave ministry in the name of restoring the family. It is difficult and painful to imagine, but it is not the world, but spiritual leaders who discredit the integrity and inviolability of marriage. Often it is their mentoring books and various, sometimes even strange, conclusions that drive a wedge into the family. Can the ministry really be so great that the husband and wife are cramped like Lot and Abraham, and because of this they have to sacrifice their family?

When a married woman tries to gain recognition or her own significance outside of marriage, she thereby separates herself from the whole, from the pronoun “we”. And it doesn’t matter what the main motives for such behavior are, any feeding of ambition, of one’s “I”, outside of one’s own husband, leads to undermining the strength of the family.

Glory wife

The glory of a wife is in her husband. The Book of Esther tells that Artaxerxes, the most powerful king of that time, ruling over one hundred and twenty-seven regions, held a feast. There he wanted to glorify his wife - a woman who became a queen only thanks to the choice of her husband, the great king. Some women even today criticize Artaxerxes: “Wow, is she a thing to show off?” Only, it is hardly unpleasant for a wife when her husband boasts about her, wanting to emphasize her beauty and uniqueness. But Queen Vashti held a separate women's feast. No matter how annoying it is to admit, often a woman who understands that she should be under power wants “freedom.” Any person, or even a people, wants to overthrow the power that prevails over him, because initially, in each of us there is a thirst for independence. A woman has more ambition than a man, and she wants to prove that she is equal to a man, or even better than him. What makes a modern woman true? Abilities, appearance, permissiveness, thanks to which she is in demand. If a man is looking for physical, intimate satisfaction, then a woman needs self-affirmation at the soul level and by providing various services to a man, she is convinced of her own significance and importance.

Vashti has gathered women for a separate pastime, and suddenly she is called to the king, because he wants to show her at his own male feast. By refusing, the queen incurred the wrath of the king:
“And the king was very angry, and his rage burned within him. And the king said to the wise men who knew the former times - for the king’s deeds were done before all those who knew the law and rights, -
Those close to him at that time were: Karshena, Shephar, Admapha, Tarshish, Meres, Marsena, Memukhan - the seven princes of Persia and Media, who could see the face of the king and sat first in the kingdom: what to do according to the law with Queen Vashti because she did not do according to the word of King Artaxerxes, announced through the eunuchs? And Memukhan said before the king and the princes: Queen Vashti is not guilty before the king alone, but before all the princes and before all the nations that are in all the provinces of King Artaxerxes." Esther 1ch. 13-16 v.

Husband and wife have their own territory of influence. It depends on the position they are in. The territory of influence of an ordinary family is children. With the advent of grandchildren, kinship becomes such territory. The family problems of grandparents most directly affect their subsequent generations. The Bible says that a generational curse can last until the third or fourth generation, while the first parents are alive. Just as a grandmother treats her grandfather, so a daughter, looking at her mother’s behavior, will treat her husband.

“because the queen’s deed will reach all the wives, and they will neglect their husbands and say: King Artaxerxes ordered Queen Vashti to be brought before him, but she did not go. Now the princesses of Persia and Media, who hear about the queen’s deed, will say the same all the princes of the king; and neglect and grief will be enough. If it pleases the king, let a royal decree come out from him and be inscribed in the laws of Persia and Media and not be repealed, that Vashti will not enter before the face of King Artaxerxes, and her royal dignity will be the king will pass it on to another who is better than her." Esther 1:17-19

Law and obedience

Basically, politics is a dirty business. If some president agrees to issue such a decree in order to avoid a rebellion in his state, then deep down he understands that these are pure conventions for outsiders, for everyone else, with the exception of himself. Those. the monarch cannot be a subordinate. But the point is that any law in the kingdom must stand above the king. The kingdom will be strong when the ruler first obeys his decree, because the law is weakened by the flesh. If the first person in the state breaks the law, then it is not surprising that his subordinates will begin to neglect the same law. The throne of a king or the kingdom of a man in a house is established not by the size of the army or cunning politics, but by truth and justice. A husband who acts fairly before God and obeys God's laws has a positive influence on his wife, children, and those around him. Artaxerxes' kingdom was strong precisely because he did not want to play by the rules of politics. He understood that laws are made for everyone, without exception.

As much as Artaxerxes wanted to keep Vashti, he knew that the relationship had a price. Otherwise, some people get away with everything, thereby spreading the negative impact throughout the entire territory of authority. Yes, you can make an exception and close your eyes to the queen’s act, but... What to prefer, relationships or the law? The advice of a person close to the king was based on the same principle:
“If it pleases the king, let a royal decree come out from him and be included in the laws of Persia and Media and not be repealed, that Vashti will not enter before the face of King Artaxerxes, and the king will transfer her royal dignity to another who is better than her.”
The king had the right to dispose of the queen’s dignity, and by her disobedience she only achieved that: “... the king will transfer her royal dignity to another who is better than her.
20 When they hear about this decree of the king, which will be spread throughout his entire kingdom, no matter how great it is, then all the wives will honor their husbands, from the greatest to the least.
21 And this word was acceptable in the eyes of the king and the princes; and the king did according to the word of Memukhan.
22 And he sent letters to all the provinces of the king, written to every province in his own script, and to every nation in his own language, that every man should be master of his own house, and that it should be declared unto every man in his own language." Esther 1:19-22 .

This is precisely the secret of the strength of the kingdom of Artaxerxes. Kingdom means the ability to organize a governed territory. A real king is not one who takes taxes and asserts himself at the expense of his power and might. A real king is not a monarch, but a servant of his people. Perhaps Artaxerxes would have made peace with Vashti, but he calculated the possible consequences and chose to part.

The source of a married woman's dignity depends on the man who chose her as his wife. The source of a man’s dignity is in God, in his calling, but not in a woman. The problem of many families is that if the wife is able to obey her husband, because this is a visible and tangible image, then it is much more difficult for the man to build a relationship with God. No matter how rich a man is, or how beautiful his wife is, he cannot be happy if his source is not in God. He did not take place if he did not establish himself in the work to which the Creator called him. And it is enough for a woman to be married to a successful doctor, artist, scientist, just so that he is confirmed in his calling.

Sexual passion or attraction to husband

Sexual passion or attraction to your husband is another important aspect in the family. Complete physical satisfaction, or surrender of oneself to the power of one's spouse, occurs only as a result of a covenant relationship. The great mystery of marriage is that two people become one flesh. The more secrets, the more the heart beats. The more intimacy that is not wasted on others, the more attraction there is for each other in the relationship between spouses. A person is interesting not by his body, but by his passion. The question is not in the sexual act itself, it is in the energy of striving for each other. The problem with modern times is that people try to fuel their passion through compliments or lustful glances from other people. There should be secrecy in a marriage and no one should know what goes on in the marital bedroom. A.S. Pushkin, in one of his letters to his wife, wrote: “No one should know what might be happening between us. No one should be accepted into our bedroom. Without secrets, there is no family life.” He probably understood that the intimacy of marriage causes the desire of one for the other. If a woman or man endures the secret of her marital bed, the source of intimate desire will dry up. The spirit of fornication can manifest itself in different forms, for example, when a woman puts on a deep neckline, with the thought of being noticed by someone other than her husband, and thereby becoming convinced of her attractiveness.

In his parables, Solomon draws attention to the following case:
"6 Behold, one day I looked out the window of my house, through my bars,
7 And I saw among the inexperienced, I noticed among the young men a foolish young man,
8 crossing the square near the corner thereof and walking along the road to her house,
9 at dusk in the evening of the day, in the darkness of the night and in the darkness.
10 And behold, a woman came towards him, dressed as a harlot, with a deceitful heart,
11 noisy and unbridled;" PR.7:6-11

The jokes of a slutty woman are dirty; she is not ashamed to look a stranger in the eyes, hint, or openly speak obscenity. By this she excites both herself and the one she wants to seduce.
"...her feet do not live in her house:
12 Sometimes in the streets, sometimes in the squares, and at every corner she builds forts.
13 She grabbed him, kissed him, and with a shameless face said to him:
14 “I have a peace offering: today I have fulfilled my vows;
15 That’s why I went out to meet you to find you, and found you;
16 I made my bed with carpets, with cloths of many colors from Egypt;
17 She perfumed my bedroom with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon; PR.7:12-17

It is unlikely that she is also spending interesting and passionate time with her spouse. She neglects the wisdom of a married woman, although she has a husband in whom she can strengthen herself internally. But she thinks that she will awaken intimacy in herself at the expense of someone else’s man. And when her husband comes home, she will also be passionately sexual. But such a woman does not ignite herself with her husband. She is unfaithful, her feet do not live in her house.
"18 come in, let's revel in tenderness until the morning, let's enjoy love,
19 because the husband is not at home: he has gone on a long journey;" PR.11:18-19

Without any remorse, she openly admits that she is not only a married woman, but also an unfaithful wife. Not only is she not ashamed to admit it, but she also has an intriguing interest in betrayal, because stolen waters are sweet. Thinking that this way you can achieve greater eroticism, a woman is mistaken. Because in reality it wastes it, which will ultimately lead to exhaustion. Her marriage will cease to be interesting in the intimate sense of the word. Even if a woman does not openly fall into fornication, but is mentally unfaithful, fueling her sexuality at the expense of the views of other men, or a man stares at other, strange women - they partially satisfy themselves intimately, with fantasies, thoughts and the like, but thereby lose their secret power marriage.

Motherhood instinct

The instinct of motherhood is something that also needs to be understood. The fact that a wife is taken from her husband means that the woman, unlike the man, is psychologically determined to accept. Often they try to make men and women equal. But if we take it in percentage terms, the wife cannot devote herself to her husband the way the husband wants and should devote himself to her. If a man has a desire to enrich and own someone in order to please, then a woman has a desire to belong and receive. She is brought to her husband so that he can love her.

But why does a healthy, married woman have an obligatory, deep desire to have a child? Because there is that part of her nature that she will never realize, no matter how much she loves her husband. Part of her nature remains sealed and unclaimed. According to M. Monroe, a woman is a person with a womb. At the level of spirit, she is equal to a man, because the spirit is not male or female, but at the mental and physiological level, female nature is different from male nature. Adam was created in the image of God, and Eve was created in the image of Adam. A wife receives love from her husband and returns it to him, that is, she cannot be the primary source of this feeling. When a girl is the first to show love to a man, something logically breaks down. A woman has the right only to reciprocal feelings. She is like the moon, which itself has no temperature. There is no energy and light in it. The sun is shining. The moon is a reflection of the sun's light. A wife is capable of reciprocity only to the extent of the love she herself receives. She collects all her reserves of love from her husband - as much as he invested in her, so much will he receive back. It happens that a husband demands more from his wife than he himself gave her. He simply does not understand that such claims are impossible - after all, she cannot give what she herself does not have. But the husband is not the primary source of love - it appears to him as a result of communication with God, Who is its true beginning.

The problem of love is not so much in being loved, but in loving yourself. Therefore, a woman needs her personal, precious object to express her most tender feelings. Here she already acts as a source of love, which is why she needs a child, the fruit of her own womb. She herself will give him, and not return, like her husband, the feelings that have accumulated in her. A born child is a unique creation, in which there is a part of her and her spouse. That's when the fullness of a married woman comes. Then she can not only be loved, but also surround her creation with love, care and protection.

A woman's calling

In the Bible, a woman is called a helper to her husband. In other words, it is included in his work. A husband in his calling is not considered without his wife in context. They are one flesh, and there are no separate missions - for him and for her, there is a calling for the family. Of course, a woman can engage in separate ministry, but it should not be in sharp contrast to what her husband does. The distinctive feature of a man from a woman in marriage is that the husband is responsible for revelation. The husband receives revelation from God about the home, about the family, and the wife is his assistant in their common cause:
“18 And the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a help suitable for him.” Gen. 2:18

The Creator, considering a woman as a helper, gave her the calling of assistance. Every married woman has the ability to help her husband. She can be interested in his affairs, surround him with care, attention, and pray for him. If the husband himself asserts himself in his ministry: in business, work, and does not devote his wife to it, he deprives her of performing a very important function in her calling, because she is not involved in his “male” affairs. Family ministry or business should be carried out together with the wife. How much pain women inflicted on their husbands just because they did not know and did not anticipate their workload and difficulties in the business sphere. When a man tries to tell his wife about his problems, he often encounters a wall of misunderstanding and indifference. But in a covenant there are no problems of only one half; in a covenant they are common. It is very important when a woman is involved in her husband's affairs because she has God's anointing of assistance. When a wife is imbued with the needs of her husband, his problems, some kind of disorder in the ministry, God works through her, helping and prompting. However, a man is designed in such a way that no matter what reasonable advice his wife gives him, he again needs to receive internal confirmation from God that she is right. And the point here is not at all about male stubbornness, it is about the principle of receiving evidence from his Head: should he listen to the voice of his wife or not? Despite the fact that Sarah gave Abraham sound advice, he did not react to it in any way until God told him, “Obey the words of Sarah.”

“Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.”

The Apostle Paul calls the word of God a sword, sharp on both sides, and speaks of it as incorruptible, abiding forever. King David finds the word a lamp to his feet and a light to the path. The author of Hebrews sees the word of God as living and active, penetrating to the division of soul and spirit, judging the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

Thanks to the gift of human speech, we can communicate with each other. However, if we do not learn to build relationships with the people around us, we will end up lonely. The believer is given the great privilege of having fellowship in Christ. The Apostle Paul calls such communication the sacrifice of sociability. But why a victim? After all, sacrifice is something difficult, but if you look from the outside, it seems that it is easy to communicate: talk about common interests, joke. But fellowship in the world's sense and fellowship in God's view are completely opposite. When Scripture teaches us to be social, it really must be a sacrifice. In communication, a person tends to talk about himself or what interests him. Usually everything revolves around the self. Often we don’t even ask the interlocutor what and how he is doing, and when he speaks, sometimes we don’t listen, we interrupt to insert our own. You still need to see this, and when you see it, start correcting it in order to put your interlocutor ahead of yourself. Oh, how difficult this is for the natural man! And here effort is needed, because sociability is a property of the Kingdom of Heaven: I learn to listen, to delve into it, I arouse compassion in my heart, I try to push aside my own. This is work, this is a struggle, this does not come so easily. But the Lord wants the commandment to honor others above ourselves to be fulfilled by us.

Scripture teaches that every word that comes out of our mouths should bring grace to those who hear. This is service because my interests take a backseat. Many people are offended that they have no friends. But it is not surprising if our “I” pushes everyone away. When I don’t take anyone into account, I’m not interested in the life of others, and I’m only interested in talking about myself, then how can I communicate with others? By doing this, I deprive myself of sociability and remain lonely.

Fellowship is a blessing found in Jesus Christ. It enriches us with many friends and makes us happy people. We often fail to do this. But what is the secret of successful relationships between people? After all, we feel that this is very important in our lives.

Who was the Samaritan who showed mercy to the dying man by the roadside? And who was this dying man? There are many different understandings, but it is clear that this parable calls us to have a merciful heart, and we know well that this does not happen by itself. Here are the Pharisees, they led a holy life according to the law and made sure that Christ did not heal on the Sabbath. They didn't care about people's suffering, and when Jesus pointed it out to them directly, they didn't hear Him. The fact that the 18-year-old woman was hunched over did not bother them, and the fact that she, under the influence of the love and power of God, was able to straighten up did not please them, and what they considered a violation of the Sabbath infuriated them. They did not even think that the law does not prohibit doing good on any day.

And when they told their father and mother that what they could do to help them, they bring as a gift to God? If a person thinks that God needs such a gift, then he does not know God at all.

Jesus, denouncing the Pharisees for their hardness of heart, pointed out that the most important things in the law are judgment, mercy and faith (Matthew 23:23), and not external actions, to which they pay so much attention. Jesus told them directly: “Better to give alms from what you have: then everything will be clean for you.” (Luke 11:41). We see that, not having a right relationship with God, they were callous and cruel towards their neighbors. They weren't interested in people. We judge and despise the Pharisees, but don’t we often act like them and even worse? These are images, examples for us, so that we apply all this to ourselves, and not think: “Oh, what bad Pharisees.”

Watching your heart is difficult. In our minds, theoretically, we can be sure that we love God, but it would be good to look at how we treat people. The Apostle John writes: “Whoever says: “I love God,” but hates his brother, is a liar, for he who does not love his brother whom he sees, how can he love God whom he does not see?” (1 John 4:20).

In thinking about communication, I have identified nine points, or points, that reflect the most important issues in human relationships. This is a difficult conversation, because what I will talk about is impossible to even imagine that such a thing occurs among believers. We are not called upon to evaluate relationships in the world, but we must learn to understand what is happening in our own home. Basically, it's a matter of faith. Do we declare our faith or live it? Everyone should check themselves on this.

The first is the revenge of selfishness, when close people do things to spite each other. Self-love avenges itself. If a person considers himself a believer, he should know that self-love is his fierce enemy. It happens that a son or daughter, growing up and leaving the control of their parents, no longer fearing punishment and having no respect, begins to take revenge and do everything out of spite. This, of course, is the fault of the parents who did not raise their children in the spirit of Christ - they are reaping the consequences. There is more demand from parents. But once such relationships have grown, we must learn to correct them. After all, everyone will give an account to God for themselves. Although in this case, I repeat, the demand for children is different, because they are wounded and injured. If parents realize their wrong behavior late, it will take many years to correct the situation. Children no longer believe words, and things are difficult to move forward. For every person, this is a serious break in order to change the stereotype of their behavior.

This should not happen in believing families. We have light, the word of God. If we don’t listen to it, don’t live by it, then our corrupt nature takes over, we again crucify Christ, Who died for us and forgave us our sins.

We need to learn to see our wrong behavior and not be afraid to ask for forgiveness, although at first it humiliates us. But in Christ it brings joy and fellowship can be restored. After all, it happens that in a bad mood we can push a child, speak sharply or even shout, and the child will shrink and close. I am very afraid of such moments. When this happens to me, I go up to my son, look him in the eyes and say: “Son, please forgive me, I’m to blame.” And I feel how he is thawing, the wall between us is crumbling. It was God who entered our relationship because I repented of my pride. And God comes into our relationship when we follow His word, because He is alive and loves us.

If we humiliate a child’s self-esteem and do not take him into account, he grows up internally distorted and, without even realizing it, begins to take revenge. He did not see Christ in us, and he had no place to learn the spirit of Christ. But if we repent and break our pride, the Lord will change us, and the relationship can be restored.

The second point I would like to name is external betrayal, although it is only partially external. God has always sealed his relationship with man by covenant. Externally, this is the covenant of circumcision, water baptism. All Scripture says that God continually renewed His covenant with man, and man continually broke it. But today we are not talking about this, although it is very important to understand that by breaking a covenant, a person becomes a traitor. Marriage is also a covenant. The Bible teaches: “What God has joined together, let no man separate” (Matt. 19:6). Adultery is not just a fleeting relationship, it is a betrayal, a violation of a covenant. If this is not considered a crime in the state, then before God it is not. We can fulfill this covenant, but we often fail to fulfill it. Why? Not because we don’t want to, but because we think like this: “If Christ did everything, then we don’t need to do anything, but only believe.” Let us ask in faith, and He will do everything. But for some reason He doesn’t. And he won’t do it for us. If we consider ourselves called, then we need to follow Him. He said: “Follow Me,” and do not remain inactive.

External betrayal means that a person does not think about another person, but only about himself. Sometimes in a family it’s not even cheating with another person, but some hobbies: sports, cars, TV. A person begins to serve his passion, and Scripture says that a person cannot serve two masters, and that a person with double thoughts is not steadfast in all his ways. Any betrayal, even external, is a betrayal of God, a betrayal of love. A believer understands that love is always a sacrifice. She puts the interests of others first, not her own. The Apostle Paul in his letter to the Corinthians said: "Love does not seek its own" (1 Cor. 13:5). It would be good for us to understand how serious this is.

The third is disobedience. What is this? Where did it come from if we know that Christ, when he lived on earth, was always obedient to the Father? We all know, and the Bible talks about this, that this comes from the first people, Adam and Eve, who obeyed Satan and wanted to become like God, to know good and evil. God warned them that if they ate fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they would die. But they didn't listen. This disobedience was so terrible that Christ had to die on the cross to redeem man from the power of hell. Having concluded the Old Testament with man, God gave him rules and laws on how to act. But people could not fulfill them. Then God gave the New Covenant in the blood of Jesus Christ. We can fulfill this covenant, but we still do not fulfill it. In ancient times, in the 10th century, there lived such a saint - Simeon the New Theologian. So he was kicked out of the monastery because he preached that a person can live according to the Gospel.

Why should a wife be obedient to her husband? Why should a husband be obedient to Christ? And, let us note that he is commanded to love his wife, and not to command. What does it mean? We are perplexed, we are not satisfied with this. The Apostle Peter wrote: “By obedience to the truth through the Spirit, having purified your souls to unfeigned brotherly love, constantly love one another with a pure heart.” (1 Peter 1:22). We know that there is fear of punishment, there are elders and younger ones, and obedience is not some new law, but a blessed command, because the basis of our obedience, as the Apostle Peter teaches, should be love for God. This is what the first commandment says. And love for one's neighbor, the second commandment, is similar to the first. No one doubts that Christ, while living on earth, was absolutely obedient to his Father. Next comes a hierarchy of obedience: husband, wife, children. Justice demands this. If this ladder of obedience, submission, reverence for superiors is broken, a person will not have the power to subjugate those below him. For example, if a wife is disobedient to her husband, she is unlikely to get obedience from her children. It is known that children look at what their parents do, not what they say. Moreover, we must not forget that obedience comes by faith. Christ praised the faith of the Roman centurion when he said: “For I am a subordinate man, but having soldiers under my command, I say to one: “Go!”, and he goes; and to the other: “Come!” and comes" (Matthew 8:9). This is a very important confession of faith: they obey him because he himself is also obedient. Authority based on love and faith is the basis of obedience.

The fourth thing I would like to note is a betrayal of the heart, when a person’s heart turns from the love of God to the world. The Apostle James calls such people adulterers: “Adulterers and adulterers! Don’t you know that friendship with the world is enmity against God? (James 4:4). This is a person’s internal position. Perhaps no one sees this, but this position determines our behavior. But in fact, this is treason. Christ teaches that it is impossible to love two people at the same time. Outwardly, we can do everything both at home and in church, but our hearts are already given to something else.

Fifth is the search for benefits. Everything in the world is built on the basis of mutual benefit. The concept of ministry in the biblical sense is absolutely absent there. The worldly and biblical basis for relationships are completely opposite. The world builds relationships based on selfishness and selfishness, but God builds relationships on the basis of sacrifice, service and love. The world is not interested in man, he needs what he has. If he has nothing, the world throws him out. God doesn't need ours. Each of us is needed by God as a person, a unique person. And there is no search for profit in this. God loves us, but there is an acute lack of love between people, and this gives rise to a feeling of alienation and uselessness. This is how loneliness arises in the family, in the church. We have no desire, no time, and most importantly, we do not strive to listen to each other. Often we are not interested in listening to even a loved one, because we seem to have nothing to gain from it. Then the loved one withdraws into himself and becomes lonely. Loneliness is the biggest problem in the world today. However, if this happens in the church, then it is a big disaster. I would like this not to happen in the church, so that each of us, following the example of our Lord, would strive to serve. Jesus said: “...The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to be a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:28). And the basis of everything is love. Napoleon Bonaparte once said: “Neither I, nor Alexander the Great, no one could conquer people with the power of death and war, as Christ did with the power of love.” Good words! If we are like Christ, trying to selflessly serve our neighbors and lay down our souls, we will acquire both love and service.

The sixth thing I want to point out is the state of pessimism. Although, in truth, a believer should not have pessimism, because the word of God says that we are called to always rejoice, be godly and content. Pessimism is a problem because a person loses interest in life and becomes like the Bible says: “...you are neither cold nor hot, you are warm” (Rev. 3:15,16). The Lord speaks sternly about such a person that He will spit him out of His mouth. There is only one way out of this: start serving.

I would call the seventh point: fear caused by love. Human fear is a negative feeling, and we have not received the spirit of fear, but of love. The Apostle John writes that love casts out fear. Should you be afraid of God, your husband? Yes, sure. And I say this not because I am a husband myself and demand that they fear me. I wouldn't want my wife to be afraid of me. But there is a completely different kind of fear, which is caused by love. This is the fear of losing someone you love more than yourself, more than your life (after all, this is what the first commandment says, and God wants us to love Him this way). Relationships are held together by the fear of loss, because the person you love is immeasurably dear to you. Therefore, fear caused by love proves that it is true love.

I would highlight the eighth point: the level of mutual trust. All relationships must be built on faith. This applies to both God and man. If suspicion or mistrust creeps in, such a relationship will not survive. The Bible says of a wife that “the heart of her husband is confident in her,” and this is a positive assessment (Prov. 31:11). Faith, from which trust grows, is the key that opens hearts. This faith is given by love, because it is love that believes everything. The Apostle Paul says directly: “And now these three remain: faith, hope, love; but love is the greatest of them all" (1 Cor. 13:13). When you believe that God's will is the best for you, that God is not your enemy but your friend, you trust Him. Your fear and suspicion disappear, you believe, even if it hurts. Job was not moved by feelings, he said: “And I know that my Redeemer lives” (Job 19:25). Paul said: “I know in whom I have believed” (2 Tim. 1:12), “...I am confident that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor the present nor the future, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Rom.8:38-39). Please note: in these places the word “know” is used. This is faith, confidence, born of love, it does not doubt, it is equal to solid knowledge.

The ninth point I want to mention is: "there is no more love" (John 15:13).

This expression belongs to Jesus Christ and completely sounds like this: “Greater love has no one than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13). This is the highest love in which there is no selfishness. The Apostle Paul wrote: "Love does not seek its own" (1 Cor. 13:4,5). Love forgets about itself, it dissolves in its neighbor. It is in such love that the meaning and joy of our life lies. It is with this love that Jesus Christ loved us. The Lord showed us an example of service. And, in fact, only service makes us happy.

May the Lord help us to see how He served people and to serve as He served, giving ourselves completely. May the Lord melt away our selfishness in His selfless love and mercy. Lord, loving You and our neighbor, as You commanded, giving ourselves to serve, we will never be alone!

Alexander Shevchenko, radio show host
"Corner"
California,
USA

A person's main concern is to be sure that he is loved. The basic need of a child who is constantly looking for parental love is the confidence that he is not a biological accident, that he is needed, that he was expected. He just needs to feel and know that he was desired even before his conception and birth. One day, one man shared his bitter conclusion, which he came to after calculating the years between when children were born in his family: “Probably, they weren’t expecting me after all...”. The very thought of a person being rejected, of not being an eagerly awaited child, leads to secret fear. And on the contrary, the realization that he is the desired object on which they wanted to pour out their most tender feelings takes an important place in a person’s heart.

“Like a lily among thorns, so is my beloved among maidens.” PP.2:2

Of course, there are girls, women even more beautiful than his beloved. But love singles out its object, and then the entire flow of tenderness and passion, sexual energy, is directed towards one person. The girl, under the influence of such an abundance of feelings, agrees to get married. It is love that affirms, convinces and certifies a girl that she is loved, unique and irreplaceable. It is enough for a married woman to introduce into her consciousness the thought - the bacterium - that she is replaceable, for this to lead to a serious crack in the foundation of the family. Even a half-joking conversation about divorce and the possibility of remarriage, made by a married couple, becomes the cause of an infection harmful to the family, when a destructive thought penetrates the heart of one of the spouses that he is no longer in the foreground.

A woman’s self-affirmation lies precisely in her husband. Not even in God. The Bible definitely says:

“The head of the husband is Christ, the head of the wife is the husband.” 1 Cor. 11:3

Features of Covenant Relationships

This means that these two each place themselves at the mercy of each other.
The dignity of a married woman is in her status - she is married. Despite God's strong love, a woman's dignity is greatly diminished if her husband stops loving her. It takes a lot of effort for a woman not to break down in such a situation. On the spiritual level, where God's love holds her, she will survive, but on the spiritual, emotional level, the loss of love and respect from her husband will definitely hurt her. Without approval from her own spouse, it is impossible for a woman to assert herself.
“For man is not from woman, but woman is from man.” 1 Cor. 11:8

The phrase “wife from husband” implies that the husband was created first. He is the glory of God and his head is Christ. Even though Eve sinned first and brought her husband down to it, God demanded an explanation from Adam as the head. The husband is taken from God, he is the image and glory of God, and the wife is the glory of the husband. Therefore, the affirmation of man cannot be in woman, but exclusively in God.

Family hierarchy

“And man was not created for wife, but woman for man.” 1 Cor.11:9

The question of hierarchy is inevitable. When a wife does not recognize male authority over her, she thereby violates the entire backbone of the family. It happens that women say: “Who needs to please more, people or God?” But the right to disobey one's husband is acceptable only in cases of outright male disobedience and contempt for the Holy Scriptures and God.
“Therefore, a wife should have on her head a sign of power over her, for the Angels.” 1 Corinthians 11:10

Me or us?

When a married woman tries to gain recognition or her own significance outside of marriage, she thereby separates herself from the whole, from the pronoun “we”. And no matter what the main motives for such behavior are, any feeding of ambition, of one’s “I”, outside of one’s own husband, leads to undermining the strength of the family.

Glory wife

Vashti has gathered women for a separate pastime, and suddenly she is called to the king, because he wants to show her at his own male feast. By refusing, the queen incurred the wrath of the king:
“And the king was greatly angry, and his wrath burned within him. And the king said to the wise men who knew the former times - for the king's deeds were done before all those who knew the law and rights -
Those close to him at that time were: Karshena, Shephar, Admapha, Tarshish, Meres, Marsena, Memukhan - the seven princes of Persia and Media, who could see the face of the king and sat first in the kingdom: what to do according to the law with Queen Vashti because she did not do according to the word of King Artaxerxes, announced through the eunuchs? And Memukhan said before the king and the princes: Queen Vashti is not guilty before the king alone, but before all the princes and before all the peoples who are in all the provinces of King Artaxerxes.” Esther 1ch. 13-16 Art.

“Because the queen’s deed will reach all the wives, and they will despise their husbands and say: King Artaxerxes ordered Queen Vashti to be brought before him, but she did not go. Now the princesses of Persia and Media, who hear about the queen’s act, will say the same to all the king’s princes; and neglect and grief will be enough. If it pleases the king, let a royal decree come out from him and be included in the laws of Persia and Media and not be repealed, that Vashti will not enter before the face of King Artaxerxes, and the king will transfer her royal dignity to another who is better than her.” Esther 1:17-19

Law and obedience

As much as Artaxerxes wanted to keep Vashti, he knew that the relationship had a price. Otherwise, some people get away with everything, thereby spreading the negative impact throughout the entire territory of authority. Yes, you can make an exception and close your eyes to the queen’s act, but... What to prefer, relationships or the law? The advice of a person close to the king was based on the same principle:
“If it pleases the king, let a royal decree come out from him and be included in the laws of Persia and Media and not be repealed, that Vashti will not enter before the face of King Artaxerxes, and the king will transfer her royal dignity to another who is better than her.”
The king had the right to dispose of the queen’s dignity, and by her disobedience she only achieved that: “... the king will transfer her royal dignity to another who is better than her.
20 When they hear about this decree of the king, which will be spread throughout his entire kingdom, no matter how great it is, then all the wives will honor their husbands, from the greatest to the least.
21 And this word was acceptable in the eyes of the king and the princes; and the king did according to the word of Memukhan.
22 And he sent letters to all the provinces of the king, written to every province in its own script, and to every nation in its own language, that every man should be master of his own house, and that it should be made known to every man in his own language.” Esther 1:19-22.

Sexual passion or attraction to husband

Sexual passion or attraction to your husband is another important aspect in the family. Complete physical satisfaction, or surrender of oneself to the power of one's spouse, occurs only as a result of a covenant relationship. The great mystery of marriage is that two people become one flesh. The more secrets, the more the heart beats. The more intimacy that is not wasted on others, the more attraction there is for each other in the relationship between spouses. A person is interesting not by his body, but by his passion. The question is not in the sexual act itself, it is in the energy of striving for each other. The problem with modern times is that people try to fuel their passion through compliments or lustful glances from other people. There should be secrecy in a marriage and no one should know what goes on in the marital bedroom. A.S. Pushkin, in one of his letters to his wife, wrote: “No one should know what might happen between us. No one should be allowed into our bedroom. Without secrets there is no family life.” He probably understood that the intimacy of marriage causes the desire of one for the other. If a woman or man endures the secret of her marital bed, the source of intimate desire will dry up. The spirit of fornication can manifest itself in different forms, for example, when a woman puts on a deep neckline, with the thought of being noticed by someone other than her husband, and thereby becoming convinced of her attractiveness.

In his parables, Solomon draws attention to the following case:
“6 Behold, one day I looked out the window of my house, through my bars,
7 And I saw among the inexperienced, I noticed among the young men a foolish young man,
8 crossing the square near the corner thereof and walking along the road to her house,
9 at dusk in the evening of the day, in the darkness of the night and in the darkness.
10 And behold, a woman came towards him, dressed as a harlot, with a deceitful heart,
11 noisy and unbridled;" PR.7:6-11

The jokes of a slutty woman are dirty; she is not ashamed to look a stranger in the eyes, hint, or openly speak obscenity. By this she excites both herself and the one she wants to seduce.
"...her feet do not live in her house:
12 Sometimes in the streets, sometimes in the squares, and at every corner she builds forts.
13 She grabbed him, kissed him, and with a shameless face said to him:
14 “I have a peace offering: today I have fulfilled my vows;
15 That’s why I went out to meet you to find you, and I found you;
16 I made my bed with carpets, with cloths of many colors from Egypt;
17 She perfumed my bedroom with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon; PR.7:12-17

It is unlikely that she is also spending interesting and passionate time with her spouse. She neglects the wisdom of a married woman, although she has a husband in whom she can strengthen herself internally. But she thinks that she will awaken intimacy in herself at the expense of someone else’s man. And when her husband comes home, she will also be passionately sexual. But such a woman does not ignite herself with her husband. She is unfaithful, her feet do not live in her house.
“18 come in, let’s revel in tenderness until the morning, let’s enjoy love,
19 because the husband is not at home: he has gone on a long journey;” PR.11:18-19

Motherhood instinct

A woman's calling

In the Bible, a woman is called a helper to her husband. In other words, it is included in his work. A husband in his calling is not considered without his wife in context. They are one flesh, and there are no separate missions - for him and for her, there is a calling for the family. Of course, a woman can engage in separate ministry, but it should not be in sharp contrast to what her husband does. The distinctive feature of a man from a woman in marriage is that the husband is responsible for revelation. The husband receives revelation from God about the home, about the family, and the wife is his assistant in their common cause:
“18 And the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone; Let us make him a helper suitable for him” Gen. 2:18

The Creator, considering a woman as a helper, gave her the calling of assistance. Every married woman has the ability to help her husband. She can be interested in his affairs, surround him with care, attention, and pray for him. If a husband himself asserts himself in his ministry: in business, work, and does not devote his wife to it, he deprives her of performing a very important function in her calling, because she is not involved in his “male” affairs. Family ministry or business should be carried out together with the wife. How much pain women inflicted on their husbands just because they did not know and did not anticipate their workload and difficulties in the business sphere. When a man tries to tell his wife about his problems, he often encounters a wall of misunderstanding and indifference. But in a covenant there are no problems of only one half; in a covenant they are common. It is very important when a woman is involved in her husband's affairs because she has God's anointing of assistance. When a wife is imbued with the needs of her husband, his problems, some kind of disorder in the ministry, God works through her, helping and prompting. However, a man is designed in such a way that no matter what reasonable advice his wife gives him, he again needs to receive internal confirmation from God that she is right. And the point here is not at all about male stubbornness, it is about the principle of receiving evidence from his Head: should he listen to the voice of his wife or not? Despite the fact that Sarah gave Abraham sound advice, he did not react to it in any way until God told him, “Obey the words of Sarah.”