How to adopt a child from an orphanage? Special children especially need a family.

According to statistics for 2016, more than 148 thousand children from orphanages were raised in foster families. Five thousand of them returned to the orphanage. Women who abandoned adopted children, what it’s like to be the mother of a stepchild and what pushed them to make a difficult decision.

Irina, 42 years old

Irina’s family raised a daughter, but she and her husband wanted a second child. For medical reasons, the husband could no longer have children; the couple decided to adopt. There was no fear, because Irina worked as a volunteer and had experience communicating with refuseniks.

— I went against the wishes of my parents. In August 2007, we took one-year-old Misha from the baby's home. The first shock for me was trying to rock him to sleep. Nothing worked, he rocked himself: he crossed his legs, put two fingers in his mouth and rocked from side to side. Later I realized that the first year of Misha’s life in the orphanage was lost: the child did not form an attachment. The children in the baby house constantly change nannies so that they don’t get used to it. Misha knew that he was adopted. I conveyed this to him carefully, like a fairy tale: I said that some children are born in the stomach, and others in the heart, so you were born in my heart.

Irina admits that little Misha constantly manipulated her and was obedient only for profit.

— In kindergarten, Misha began dressing up as women and masturbating in public. I told the teachers that we don’t feed him. When he was seven, he told my eldest daughter that it would be better if she had not been born. And when we forbade him to watch cartoons as punishment, he promised to kill us.

Misha was seen by a neurologist and a psychiatrist, but no medications had any effect on him. At school, he disrupted classes and beat his peers. Irina’s husband ran out of patience and filed for divorce.

“I took the children and went to Moscow to earn money. Misha continued to do nasty things on the sly. My feelings for him were in constant turmoil: from hatred to love, from the desire to kill him to heartbreaking pity. All my chronic diseases have worsened. Depression began.

According to Irina, Misha could have stolen money from his classmates and spent the money allocated to him for lunch in a slot machine.

— I had a nervous breakdown. When Misha returned home, in a state of passion, I spanked him a couple of times and pushed him so hard that he suffered a subcapsular rupture of the spleen. They called an ambulance. Thank God, surgery was not needed. I got scared and realized that I had to give up the child. What if I broke down again? I don’t want to go to prison; I still have to raise my eldest daughter. A few days later I came to visit Misha in the hospital and saw him in a wheelchair (he couldn’t walk for two weeks). She returned home and cut her wrists. My roommate saved me. I spent a month in a psychiatric clinic. I have severe clinical depression and take antidepressants. My psychiatrist forbade me to communicate with the child personally, because all treatment after that goes down the drain.

After nine years of living with his family, Misha returned to the orphanage. A year and a half later, legally he is still Irina’s son. The woman believes that the child still does not understand what happened; he sometimes calls her and asks her to buy him something.

“He has such a consumer attitude towards me, as if he were calling a delivery service.” I don’t have a division - mine or adopted. Everyone is family to me. It was as if I had cut off a piece of myself.

After what happened, Irina decided to find out who Misha’s real parents are. It turned out that he had schizophrenics in his family.

- He is a nice boy, very charming, dances well, and has a developed sense of color, and chooses clothes well. He dressed my daughter for graduation. But it was his behavior, heredity that crossed everything out. I firmly believed that love is stronger than genetics. It was an illusion. One child destroyed my entire family.

Svetlana, 53 years old

Svetlana's family had three children: her own daughter and two adopted children. The two eldest went to study in another city, and the youngest adopted son, Ilya, stayed with Svetlana.

— Ilya was six when I took him to my place. According to the documents, he was absolutely healthy, but soon I began to notice strange things. I make his bed - the next morning there is no pillowcase. I ask, where are you going? He does not know. For his birthday I gave him a huge radio-controlled car. The next day, only one wheel was left of it, and he didn’t know where the rest was.

After several examinations by a neurologist, Ilya was diagnosed with absence epilepsy. The disease is characterized by short-term blackouts.

— All this could have been dealt with, but at the age of 14, Ilya began to use something, I never found out what exactly. He began to act weirder than before. Everything in the house was broken and broken: the sink, sofas, chandeliers. If you ask Ilya who did this, the answer is the same: I don’t know, it’s not me. I asked him not to use drugs. She said: finish ninth grade, then you will go to study in another city, and we will part on a good note. And he: “No, I’m not leaving here at all, I’ll take you there.”

After a year of quarrels with her adopted son, Svetlana was hospitalized with nervous exhaustion. Then the woman decided to abandon Ilya and returned him to the orphanage.

— A year later, Ilya came to me for the New Year holidays. He asked for forgiveness, said that he did not understand what he was doing, and that he was not using anything now. Then he went back. I don’t know how guardianship works there, but he returned to live with his alcoholic mother. He already has his own family, a child. His epilepsy never went away, and sometimes he gets weird because of little things.

Evgeniya, 41 years old

Evgenia adopted a child when her own son was ten. That boy was abandoned by his previous adoptive parents, but despite this, Evgenia decided to take him into her family.

“The child made the most positive impression on us: charming, modest, smiled shyly, was embarrassed and quietly answered questions. Later, as time passed, we realized that this was just a way to manipulate people. In the eyes of those around him, he always remained a miracle child; no one could believe that there were real problems in communicating with him.

Evgenia began to notice that her adopted son was lagging behind in physical development. Gradually she began to learn about his chronic illnesses.

“The boy began his life in our family by telling a bunch of scary stories about his previous guardians, which at first seemed to us to be quite true. When he was convinced that we believed him, he somehow forgot what he was talking about (he was a child, after all), and it soon became clear that he had simply made up most of the stories. He constantly dressed up as girls, took on female roles in all games, climbed under the blanket with his son and tried to hug him, walked around the house with his pants down, and responded to comments that he was so comfortable. Psychologists said that this was normal, but I could not agree with this, after all, my boyfriend is also growing up.

While studying in the second grade, the boy could not count to ten. Evgenia is a teacher by profession, she constantly worked with her son, and they managed to achieve positive results. Only communication between mother and son did not go well. The boy lied to teachers about being bullied at home.

— They called us from the school to understand what was going on, because we were always in good standing. And the boy simply sensed the weak points of those around him well and, when he needed to, hit them. He simply drove my son into hysterics: he said that we didn’t love him, that he would stay with us, and that our son would be sent to an orphanage. He did it on the sly, and for a long time we could not understand what was happening. As a result, our son hung out in computer clubs secretly from us and began stealing money. It took us six months to bring him home and revive him. Its OK now.

The son gave Evgenia’s mother a heart attack, and ten months later the woman sent her adopted son to a rehabilitation center.

“With the advent of an adopted son, the family began to fall apart before our eyes. I realized that I was not ready to sacrifice my son, my mother for the sake of the illusory hope that everything would be fine. The boy was absolutely indifferent to the fact that they sent him to a rehabilitation center and then wrote a refusal. Maybe he’s just used to it, or maybe some of his human feelings have atrophied. New guardians were found for him, and he left for another region. Who knows, maybe everything will work out there. Although I don't really believe in it.

Anna (name changed)

— My husband and I couldn’t have children (I have incurable problems with women) and took the child from an orphanage. When we took him, we were 24 years old. The child was 4 years old. He looked like an angel. At first they couldn’t get enough of him, he was so curly-haired, well-built, smart, compared to his peers from the orphanage (it’s no secret that children in the orphanage develop poorly). Of course, we didn’t choose who was prettier on principle, but we clearly had our hearts set on this child. Almost 11 years have passed since then. The child has turned into a monster - he doesn’t want to do anything AT ALL, he steals money from us and from his classmates. Going to the director has become a tradition for me. I don’t work, I dedicated my life to my child, spent all my time with him, tried to be a good, fair mother... it didn’t work out. I give him my word - he tells me “fuck you, you’re not my mother/you’re a *****/what do you understand about my life.” I no longer have the strength, I don’t know how to influence him. My husband has withdrawn from parenting and tells me to figure it out myself, because (I quote) “I’m afraid that if I start talking to him, I’ll hit him.” In general, I saw no way out except to give it back. And yes. If this were my child, my dear one, I would have done the same thing.

Natalya Stepanova

— I immediately fell in love with little Slava. A lonely and shy kid stood out from the crowd of children at a social center for children. We took him the first day we met. However, after two weeks the alarm was sounded. An outwardly calm and kind boy suddenly began to show aggression towards pets. First, Slava hung the newborn kittens in the kitchen, after wrapping them with wire. Then small dogs became the object of his attention. As a result, the young murderer was responsible for at least 13 ruined lives. When this series of cruel acts began, we immediately turned to a child psychologist. At the appointment, the specialist calmed us down and advised us to spend more time with Slava and let him know that we love him. We agreed and in the summer we went to the village, away from the noisy city. But there the situation got even worse. At the next consultation, the psychologist explained to us that Slava needed specialized help. And since I am pregnant, we decided that it was better to send my son back to the orphanage. We hoped until the last moment that the boy’s aggression would soon go away, and with it the desire to kill. The last straw of patience was the three bodies of torn puppies. As if according to the script of a horror film, once again taking advantage of the absence of adults, the kid single-handedly brutally beat the four-legged animals to death.

Sooner or later, the overwhelming majority of people have a desire to have children. However, alas, not all people are capable of fertilization, conception and birth of a child. But don’t despair - physiological infertility is not a reason to refuse the opportunity to hear “Mom and Dad” addressed to you. An adopted child can become your own if you want it.

In Russia, there are several types of transfer of a child to a new family: adoption, guardianship and others. This article will discuss such a form as the child's host family. This form of family education arose in Russia not so long ago - a little more than ten years ago. And many people do not have sufficient information or do not know about it at all.

But it is precisely this form of raising a foster child that is most accessible to the average family. The conditions under which it is possible to take a child into a foster family are more lenient than for adoption. First of all, the guardianship authorities take into account the decency and trustworthiness of the family, its desire to have children, and only then factors such as:

Health status of adoptive parents.
The salary of adoptive parents.
The state of living conditions of adoptive parents.

To create a foster family, it is necessary that the foster parents and local guardianship authorities enter into an agreement on the transfer of the child to the family.

Agreement on creating a foster family

The agreement is drawn up in a strictly prescribed form. It stipulates such nuances as:

The period for which a child is placed in foster care.
The conditions in which the child will live, study and be raised.
All those responsibilities that fall on the shoulders of adoptive parents.
All rights of adoptive parents.
Those responsibilities that the guardianship and trusteeship authorities undertake in relation to the family that has adopted the child.

The agreement is drawn up in two copies and signed by two parties - a representative of the guardianship and trusteeship authorities and one of the adoptive parents. One copy is kept by the guardianship authorities, and the second is given to the adoptive family.

The contract is valid for the entire period for which it is concluded. However, there are a number of certain cases in which the contract may be terminated prematurely. Such cases include:

Serious illness

Illness of one of the adoptive parents, which does not allow them to properly fulfill their responsibilities towards the child.

Change in the marital status of the adoptive family

If the spouses divorce, the agreement on raising a child in a foster family may be canceled by decision of the guardianship council. In the event of a divorce, adoptive parents must notify the guardianship council of this fact within three days.

Changes in the financial situation of the family

Of course, if there is a slight change in the financial situation for the worse, the guardianship and trusteeship authorities will not insist on removing the child from the foster family. However, in the event that the adoptive parents have lost their jobs or housing, the guardianship board will make a realistic assessment of whether the adoptive parents can properly support the minor child.

Personality conflicts between adopted children and parents

Of course, the process of adaptation of a child in a foster family very rarely proceeds smoothly, without any rough edges. However, if conflicts between a child and adoptive parents arise regularly and are violent, the guardianship and trusteeship authorities may raise the issue of premature termination of the contract.

Conflicts between children in a foster family

All of the above applies equally to conflicts between children in the family. If parents fail to stabilize the psychological situation in the family and create a favorable microclimate, the contract may be terminated prematurely.

Other unfavorable factors

The occurrence of any other unfavorable factors that interfere with the normal upbringing and development of a child in a foster family can also lead to early termination of the contract.

Returning an adopted child to his biological parents

It is very rare, but situations still occur when people deprived of parental rights are restored to their rights in relation to the child. This happens if the parents begin to lead a normal lifestyle, create conditions favorable for the child’s life, and they manage to convince the court of this, the child can be returned to them. Accordingly, the contract with the adoptive family is terminated early.

Adoption of a foster child

Parents who accept a child into their family should be well aware of the fact that foster care is not adoption. And the child’s data is in the general database of children subject to adoption. And it may happen that your adopted son or daughter will be attracted to some other married couple. And if they decide to adopt a child, the guardianship and trusteeship authorities will terminate the contract.

State payments to foster families

The state provides support to such foster families. At the moment when a foster family is created, a one-time payment is made from the regional budget in the amount of 10,000 rubles for each child. Such a payment is made only once.

Further, throughout the entire term of the contract, a certain amount is paid for the maintenance of each of the adopted children. The amount of payments is set by the administration of each Federal District of Russia. These funds are intended to purchase:

Stationery
Household goods
Clothes and shoes
For partial payment of utilities

In addition, all foster families, which include three or more children, both adopted and their own, are entitled to all the benefits that are provided for by Russian legislation for large families. The foster family should begin receiving payments as soon as the child is placed in foster care.

Salary of foster parents

Another feature of a foster family is the fact that foster parents receive a salary for their work raising a child. Its size varies and depends on facts such as:

Depending on how many children were accepted into the family.
Depending on the health status of adopted children.

Today, for two adopted children, parents receive 4 minimum salaries, for three or more - 5 minimum salaries.

In the event that the adopted child has not reached the age of three, or has any deviations in both mental and physical development, the amount of remuneration for the adoptive parents increases by another 30%.

Responsibilities of foster parents

When deciding to take an adopted child into their family, parents should think carefully about everything and take this step only consciously, and not guided only by a rush of noble emotions. After all, we are not talking about any toy or thing that can be put on a shelf as unnecessary. The first emotional impulse passes quickly, and the little man and you will live side by side for a very long time, and perhaps for the rest of your life.

When accepting a child into the family, parents take on a number of responsibilities. For example, the following:

Engage in raising a child.
Monitor his health condition carefully.
Create a psychological atmosphere favorable for the child in the family.
Monitor your child's learning process.
Protect the rights of the child and represent his interests, including in court.

However, as a rule, if parents love their adopted child, fulfilling these responsibilities does not burden them. Otherwise, it’s not worth starting the whole epic with creating a foster family, otherwise this idea will turn into a headache and will bring nothing but disappointment.

Rights of adoptive parents

However, in addition to a number of responsibilities, adoptive parents also have rights:

Adopt a foster child

Any married couple that meets certain requirements has the right to submit an application to the guardianship and trusteeship authorities about the desire to create a foster family.

The right to personal education of a child

The rights to raise an adopted child are exactly the same as the rights to raise your own. No one has the right to tell adoptive parents how to raise a child and in what ways, unless this upbringing does not harm the physical condition and psychological health of the child.

Right to receive cash benefits

As already mentioned, any such family is entitled to receive a monthly allowance for each adopted child.

Right to benefits

There is a certain number of benefits that are entitled to any adoptive family. You can find out a list of these benefits from your guardianship and trusteeship authority.

Right to free healthcare

Despite the fact that adoptive parents cannot obtain compulsory health insurance for their child, medical care for these children is also free. The guardianship and trusteeship authorities should take care of receiving the poles.

Right to wages

As already mentioned, all foster parents have the right to timely payment for their work in full.

The right to benefits provided for by pension and labor legislation
Right to increase in seniority

According to Russian legislation, the total length of service includes the time during which parents care for adopted children.

Rights of an adopted child

Children taken into foster care retain a number of rights, such as:

Right to alimony

All children whose biological parents are deprived of parental rights retain the right to receive child support, regardless of whether they are in foster care or not.

Right to receive a social family

A child being raised in a foster family has the right to receive a disability or survivors pension.

Right to use living space

An adopted child has the right to retain ownership of the living space that belongs to him or to the right to use it.

The right to maintain contact with relatives

If the adoptive parents do not object, the child can periodically meet and communicate with his blood relatives and biological parents.

Summing up

So, after reading this article, you have received the most complete information about this form of raising children without parental care, like such a family. Weigh the pros and cons carefully. And who knows, maybe it’s a family like this that will make you feel like parents.

And remember that it is not so important whether the child is adopted, taken into guardianship, or accepted into a foster family. The most important thing that is necessary for a happy future together and a prosperous tandem “Parents - child” is your complete understanding of the child, your willingness to accept him and, of course, the most important component of success is a huge and boundless love for the child!

How to adopt a child from a maternity hospital? More and more orphaned or abandoned children in our country are finding a new family. Children are taken into care, into foster families, and adopted. The greatest demand, especially among childless families, is for babies who have just been born. Parents wait for years to adopt a newborn, as the waiting list is huge and does not come quickly. But not everyone knows how to adopt a child from a maternity hospital, what are the requirements for documents and adoptive parents.

How to adopt a child from a maternity hospital

Quite often, unfortunately, young mothers in maternity hospitals abandon their newborn children. The reasons for refusals may be different:

early pregnancy, when the parents of a minor mother persuade her to leave the baby in the maternity hospital;
studying at a university when a mother prefers a career to the fate of her baby;
birth trauma or other pathology, as a result of which the child is born sick;
lack of funds or lack of housing;
alcoholism, drug addiction.

It is these children, the refuseniks, that new parents are waiting for. But before you become one, you need to obtain permission from the guardianship authorities to adopt a newborn baby from the maternity hospital.

If you are firmly convinced that you need a child from the maternity hospital whom you will make happy, then look for a guardianship authority or department in your city or region.

The statement you write there will be your first real step towards your child. In the application you will need to indicate your details, as well as describe what kind of child you want to take into your family: age, eye and hair color, etc.

There are requirements for adoptive parents that you must fully comply with, these are:

health. The guardianship authorities will receive a form on which you must undergo a medical examination. You should not have infectious diseases, cancer, tuberculosis, or chronic diseases.
income. The income for each member of your family must be higher than the cost of living established in your region.
living conditions. You will need to provide documents for the apartment or house where you are going to bring your baby. The guardianship authorities, after you collect all the papers and bring them to them, will come to you to inspect your home to make sure that the child will live in good conditions.
if the adoption is registered in the name of a wife, then the written consent of the husband is required, and vice versa.
you need to get a police certificate stating that you have no criminal record.
Preparation. You need to take courses for future adoptive parents. An exception can be made only for those who have already adopted children and have undergone mandatory training. You will be given a certificate of completion of the course.

All these documents for adoption will go to the table of the commission, which will decide your fate: whether you will be the parents of an adopted baby or not. You will be notified of the refusal within 5 days, but if after 5 days no news has been received, it means that your documents have been approved by the commission, and after 2 weeks you will be invited for permission.

And only after receiving the commission’s conclusion about your suitability to be adoptive parents, you will be in line for your baby. This is one of the disadvantages of infant adoption. There is no waiting list for children after one year of age.

The procedure for adopting a child from a maternity hospital

Let's start with the fact that it is almost impossible to receive a child directly from the maternity hospital. He is in the maternity hospital for several days, then he is transferred to a children's hospital. There he is thoroughly examined, and he spends some time in the department. Then he is transferred to the orphanage. At this time, the mother who abandoned the baby can still come to her senses and take the child, even if adoption documents have begun to be drawn up for him. And this is the second minus. In practice, this happens, although rarely.

And third: it takes time to prepare adoption documents for the court, then you need to wait for the court hearing, and wait 10 days before the decision comes into force. Adoption in our country is carried out only by court decision, and nothing else. Therefore, adoption from a maternity hospital is rather a myth. You can receive your baby when he is already 2-3 months old. Although anything can happen in life.

But let's return to the stages of adoption. Your turn, in the end, has come, you have collected all the documents again (!), again received permission from the guardianship authorities and met your future son or daughter, you liked the child, and what next?

Take care of checking your baby's health. Look at his medical record. Do all possible tests with your child, ultrasound, etc. They should do this for you for free. The child may have diseases that have not yet made themselves felt, but the results of the examination will show them. And if you do not want to connect your life with a sick child, or you do not have the means to treat him, then it is better to refuse immediately. Your permission will be valid for 3 months, during which time you will be able to find a healthy child. If you are satisfied with everything, inform the guardianship authorities about your choice and, together with them, go to submit documents to the court.

This time, the application you write must contain a request for adoption and the details of the baby that you want to assign to him. You can:

give him your last name and patronymic;
change name;
change the date and place of birth.

The latter is more important if you faked pregnancy in order to keep the adoption secret (Article 139 of the Family Code). The date can be changed by up to three months either way and is permitted upon adoption.

To maintain secrecy, the trial is held behind closed doors; in addition to the adoptive parents, the guardianship authorities and the prosecutor are present.

After the court establishes the adoption, you will receive an extract (after 10 days), and with it and your passports you will go to the registry office, where you will be issued a birth certificate for your child.

With the help of the guardianship authorities, you can agree that the child and mother are discharged from the maternity hospital on the appointed day, film all this on video for history and go home to raise your baby.

You can learn about how to adopt a child from a maternity hospital, a baby home or an orphanage, and the requirements for adoptive parents in the Family Code of the Russian Federation, articles 122-144.

In this article:

Some couples who are unable to conceive their children decide to adopt a child. Many of them want to go through all the joys and trials of parenthood: staying up at night from the baby’s colic at night or cutting the first teeth, seeing the baby’s first hesitant steps and much more. In this case, they decide to adopt a newborn baby - a “refusenik.”

Adopting a child directly from the maternity hospital is not an easy procedure. A large number of couples want to adopt a newborn child in order to begin raising him themselves. Citizens of Russia and foreign citizens can take a child from the maternity hospital, subject to all necessary rules.

Queue for guardianship

The demand for abandoned children is very high, so if you are determined to adopt a newborn child, take a turn. To get on the list of families wishing to adopt a child, contact the guardianship and trusteeship authorities.

While waiting, you need to collect all the required documents for adoption. The procedure takes place through the court with the participation of the guardianship and trusteeship authorities and the prosecutor.

The list of documents is as follows:

Photocopies of two passports (of the future adoptive mother and father);
Application for guardianship and trusteeship authorities;
Health certificates of future adoptive parents;
Consent of the husband or wife, certified by a notary;
Act (conclusion) on the inspection of living space by the housing commission;
Act (conclusion) on the inspection of living space by the guardianship and trusteeship authorities;
Statement of personal account;
Extract from the house register;
Certificate of income of both parents;
Characteristics from places of work (position, responsibilities, compliance with discipline).

Mandatory requirements for adoptive parents:

Certificate of no criminal record for both parents (given to the police department);
Permission to adopt, certified by a notary;
Certificates of absence of diseases (you must visit a tuberculosis, skin and venereal disease, drug addiction, psychoneurological, oncology clinic, take tests for AIDS). The certificates must be drawn up on special forms issued by the guardianship and trusteeship authorities, contain the conclusion of the commission, the signatures of the commission members, individual seals, the seal of the medical institution, the resolution of the therapist and neurologist;
An extract on the number of people registered in the apartment and rights to living space, an extract from the personal account of the apartment;
A copy of the marriage certificate;
Brief autobiography.

After the turn has come and all the documents have been collected through the guardianship and trusteeship authorities, the procedure for registering the adoption begins. The total time depends on the speed of providing the data requested from the adoptive parents and on the appearance of the desired child in the maternity hospital.

The requirements for adoptive parents are very strict and serious: they are healthy and energetic people who can get positive reviews, have a regular salary, and the necessary conditions for living with the child. The created commission will evaluate the possibilities for adoption, check all the documents and information provided and draw up a written conclusion. A negative conclusion can be appealed in court.

Also, the total family income must be greater than the subsistence level and consent to adoption must be mutual. Be sure to discuss all the details with your spouse so that during the interview, the commission is confident in your honesty and integrity.

Information about newborns for whom an official refusal has been written is immediately sent to the official authorities. Among maternity hospitals where you can adopt a newborn child, it is better to choose maternity hospitals in large cities, since many come from the regions for childbirth. This will significantly reduce your waiting time.

Try not to be nervous, calmly and decisively move towards your goal in order to prepare as best as possible for the procedure of adopting a newborn child and, despite the large number of nuances, make this event quick.