How to stop communicating with your ex-girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend - how to communicate with her

What to do when meeting your ex-girlfriend?

    It is advisable not to meet her on the way until she makes herself known. Girls are gentle and unpredictable creatures. But in a chance meeting, unnoticed, do not try to determine her state of mind and politely concede the right to choose.

    Say hello, ask how you are doing. It’s better not to talk about personal things, it’s better to talk about work. Be natural and act the same as if you were meeting a classmate. You separated and now nothing binds you. Behave this way regardless of past connections. They are no longer there.

    What should you do? Do nothing. At best, say hello. That’s what I did when meeting with my exes. I don’t think that such meetings can be particularly pleasant for both of you.

    Not very long ago I met like this, and then we parted ways as if nothing had happened.

    It’s good that in our small town we walk different paths with them.

    good day.!!! when meeting an ex-girlfriend, you need to behave calmly and balancedly, and if you broke up with her peacefully and calmly, then in general everything is simple, say hello to her, ask how she’s doing and there’s no need to carry on a further conversation. good luck !

    If you broke up:

    • and remained friends then say hello and move on
    • if it’s your fault, you can walk by with your head down or say hello too
    • If it’s your fault, then it’s best to pass by without looking/looking away.
  • Some people, having accidentally or deliberately met their ex-girlfriends, try to put a little pressure on their subconscious.

    They begin to communicate in such a tone, as if they really want to go back, as if they have changed a lot, as if they have been sad all these days or years.

    There is no need to do this under any circumstances! Even if you really want to return something back.

    Here's what's better to do:

    Behave politely and tactfully, as with a good friend, but without hinting at Maybe let's do it again?. Let communication be casual and not thoughtful. If a long dialogue ensues, the situation itself will tell you whether it makes sense to take the conversation to personal matters.

    If you met an ex-girlfriend with whom you parted on good terms, then the meeting can bring joy to both of you. Your heart will tell you what to do at this moment. Advice isn't even needed here. And if you meet a girl with whom you once had a bad breakup, then it is better to avoid a head-on collision. Well, if it did happen, then don’t hesitate, smile and say hello, if it was not possible to quickly sneak somewhere and disappear from sight.

    Say hello politely and ask how she is doing. But at the same time, you shouldn’t ask about her personal life, much less ask who her boyfriend is, how serious everything is with them. By this, the man shows that he has not let go, that he continues to consider the girl his own.

    You can pretend that you didn’t notice her, walk past, looking somewhere to the side.

    Run) Just kidding) Actually, what's so scary about that? Behave like people you know well. You're not strangers, are you? :) You probably slept together, if not, drank, relaxed. Why pretend to be strangers now? Just hi, how are you? :) If you broke up normally. And if she cheated on you or something else, then pass by. The person betrayed you, well...

Nearing completion. So they decided that they were not suitable for each other. You can say a lot of nasty things, or you can part ways amicably. Many guys wonder: how to behave with your ex-girlfriend? After a breakup, there are several options for developing your relationship. This article is intended for guys, men who don’t know how to deal with their ex-girlfriend.

Can you be friends with your ex-girlfriend?

"Let's remain friends!" - you can often hear from the lips of a guy or girl who has come to break up. Your relationship has come to naught, but your former love has managed to become a loved one whom you don’t want to lose. She knows you well, and you are used to sharing secrets with her or asking her for advice. Isn't this a relationship between friends? Many people think so. But this is simply the most peaceful option for parting; they usually ask to remain friends out of politeness, so as not to offend the other person. This will most likely not be friendship; you will remain ordinary acquaintances. Although even after the most stormy parting with screams and quarrels, you will still remain familiar, no matter how you look at it.

Therefore, it is important to understand two things here. First - what is a woman? Second - why do you need it? It is worth answering these questions honestly.

It implies that you will continue to share secrets, joys, ask and give advice. It seems to be a good arrangement, but only at first glance. Also, if she gets married, you will have to be happy for her. Are you ready for this? It’s worth thinking carefully, weighing all the pros and cons of such a friendship. After all, there are some pitfalls here.

Why shouldn't you remain friends with your ex-girlfriend?

A man and woman who were in a relationship should not remain friends, if only because it simply may not work out for them. After all, people very rarely separate without hatred, claims against each other, or without the desire to start their joint romance anew. Probably someone will want to return the relationship. But is it worth it? Is this really true? Perhaps not. Usually such a desire arises only at first. Months, weeks or even a few days will pass, and it will fade away, especially if a replacement for your ex appears.

Also, you should not remain friends, because your new soulmate may very much not like the fact that you and your ex-woman are still communicating. If your new flame is jealous, she may think you're still having an affair. In general, if you still decide to maintain your friendship, then it is better to be honest in a new relationship and immediately tell them that you communicate well with your old friend. It’s not worth mentioning the details of the relationship, but saying that she already has a new boyfriend would be good. This way, the new girl will be calm about the safety of your relationship and will not be jealous of her ex. Perhaps it won't. But in any case, it will be better for her to find out this from you than from someone else who will simply think that you are dating two girls at the same time.

What not to do in a friendship with an ex-girlfriend?

1. The first main rule is never call your ex-girlfriend by a diminutive name or cute nicknames like “bunny”, “pussy”, “sunny” and so on. Your ex-love will perceive such treatment from you as something more than just friendship. Also, do not write or call her too often, once a week will be enough to maintain a friendly relationship.

2. The second main rule is never drink together with your ex-girlfriend. Stick to this point at least for the first time, when your feelings have not yet completely faded away. You know what alcohol leads to.

3. Don't have goodbye sex with your ex-girlfriend. Before the start of a friendship, it will be inappropriate. This means that you are not yet ready to break off relations with this person as a woman, therefore, there can be no talk of any friendship.

4. Do not say such expressions: “I don’t deserve you”, “You are good”, “Find someone else, you will be better with him.” Never say something like that. But then what should we do? You need to talk to your ex-girlfriend differently. Otherwise, she will simply think that you are putting all the responsibility on her for ending your relationship. But you can't do that to your friends.

How to stay friends with your ex-girlfriend?

If the breakup was your initiative, then find out from your current girlfriend (if you, of course, have not yet broken up with her) how she feels about friendship between a man and a woman after the breakup of their relationship, in what cases she considers it acceptable. There is no need to ask about this directly. Ask her questions indirectly. What does it mean?

You can find a film in which the characters broke up but remained on friendly terms. For example, this is the series “The Big Bang Theory”. Watch a movie with a girl, and then casually ask how she feels about this outcome of events. There is another option. Tell us about your friends (you can talk about fictional acquaintances) that they broke up some time later, but continue to be friends. Test the waters and you will see how to proceed and how to deal with your ex-girlfriend.

There is another option that both partners want to end the relationship, but cannot decide to tell each other about it. This is, of course, the ideal situation. With it, the chances are very high that you will remain friends immediately after breaking up, as soon as you clarify all the nuances. But you still need to be able to feel this moment and tactfully express your feelings.

Ex-girlfriend as an alternate airfield

This option is not suitable for honest men, because you will have to deceive your ex-girlfriend. The meaning of this strategy probably doesn’t need to be explained to anyone. Relationships are maintained so as not to be lonely until someone better comes along on the horizon to be your beloved wife. The ex-woman should be on a short leash, even if she already has a new man. Cruel, isn't it? This strategy really works, no special tricks are needed here, everything is extremely simple, although it seems dubious.

How to keep a girl as a backup option?

In order for any girl, not just an ex, to become a transit point, you need to do everything exactly the opposite of the first strategy. This will make her think that you still have some feelings for her.

1. Remind your ex-girlfriend about yourself more often. Not only calls or messages, but also go somewhere together, for example, for a walk or to the cinema. It would be a direct hit if you invite her to go to a place that is special to you. For example, this could be the nightclub where you first met. At the same time, do not forget to call the girl affectionate nicknames. Even if she was the initiator of the breakup, she will still think about the correctness of her decision. Especially if you dedicate poetry to your ex-girlfriend. It doesn’t matter whether you write them yourself or copy them from the Internet, she will appreciate them.

2. Meet your ex-girlfriend on your turf from time to time. You can invite her to your home to watch a movie alone or to a party with friends and alcohol. We all know what alcohol leads to - sex. And this is what is needed to maintain a relationship. Intimate connection does not allow women to forget the time when you were together. After several such meetings, the time will come when the ex-girlfriend will be the first to remind you of herself. If your ex-girlfriend suddenly calls you, don’t hesitate to pick up the phone, maybe she has an interesting offer for you, there’s no need to overprice yourself.

3. Congratulate your ex-girlfriend on your memorable dates. Of course, you may not remember them, but in a conversation you can get any information. As if by chance, feel nostalgic: “Do you remember, once upon a time, you and I...”, and she will most likely say exactly when that was. Usually girls remember dates. Then you can save a reminder of this wonderful event in your phone, and then offer to celebrate it somewhere. The result, as they say, will be obvious.

4. Say that you would make a great couple. Remember your disagreements, what you quarreled about. On occasion, tell your ex-girlfriend that if it weren’t for them, everything would be fine with you. This technique with the particle “would” gives hope that it is still possible to correct the mistakes of the past and start the relationship anew.

What not to do if your ex-girlfriend is an alternate airfield?

1. Don’t lie that you don’t have anyone if you’re already dating a new woman. Otherwise it will backfire on you. For example, you are walking with your new lover, and suddenly you meet your ex-girlfriend. Awkward situation, right? At best, you will only lose your ex-girlfriend. At worst, you will not have a relationship with any of them if your ex-girlfriend tells your new one about your adventures. And some girls are like that, yes.

On the contrary, if you are honest and do not hide the appearance of a new girlfriend, you will only benefit from it. Firstly, your ex-girlfriend will be jealous. Especially if you tell her how good your new lover is. Secondly, you can hint to your ex-girlfriend that your relationship was wonderful. Let your ex be aware of your new relationship, tell how you two spend time together, but say that everything was wrong with you and you miss the times when you were together.

2. Never introduce your ex to a new girl. The consequences can be very different. Your ex-girlfriend may think you're just friends since you're introducing her to her. Sometimes there are comical situations. The girls will talk and unite against you, and you will be left with nothing.

Only intimate relationships with ex-girlfriend

“Why not suggest we meet for sex?” - you will think. This option has a right to life, if, of course, your ex-girlfriend doesn’t need anything else from you. Many men probably dream about such a relationship. But they won't last very long.

Only sex with an ex-girlfriend: why not an option?

No matter what the girl says, sooner or later sex with you will not be enough for her; she will begin to claim the role of your friend or even wife. And here it doesn’t matter whether you discussed this moment with her or not. Such relationships will eventually end, it's a matter of time. Maybe a few weeks will pass, or maybe a few years. Nobody will give any guarantees.

How to achieve only sex with your ex-girlfriend?

You can directly offer one intimate relationship, but there is little chance that the ex-girlfriend will give a positive answer. What should I do? Be smarter with your ex-girlfriend. Invite her to parties from time to time, alcohol will do its job, and you will most likely end up in the same bed. Then tell her that you had wonderful sex, but otherwise you are not suitable for each other. Her reaction will tell you how to proceed.

What not to do if you only have sex with your ex-girlfriend?

Don't talk about your new passion if even your ex-girlfriend knows that you are dating someone. Your ex-girlfriend most likely already has doubts about your relationship, and in this way you will only increase her doubts about this, and she will decide to end this relationship. Or she may become very jealous and will do everything to eliminate her rival. And she will definitely find words for your new woman, how and what to write. Your ex-girlfriend will be upset that she is not suitable for the role of your life partner.

It’s up to you to decide what to do with your ex-girlfriend: be friends with her, have only sex, or not communicate at all.


As you know, love relationships sometimes collapse, and therefore we have compiled instructions on the psychology of relationships: how to treat a girl after you break up. Select one of the desired options and follow the described scheme.
As real friends, we will not get into your soul and find out which of you really abandoned whom. That's not the point. The important thing is that you are finally breaking up, which means these tips will come in handy.

First, sober up and decide what you now want from this woman. Having discarded criminal options, we have identified the four most common models for the further development of your relationship. You know that you will either become friends, or meet for sex, or after some time try to start all over again, or separate forever. From now on, you don’t have to guess what will happen next: you can choose any of the models for developing relationships yourself. Recommendations for communicating with your ex-girlfriend, which we compiled with the help of psychologist, interpersonal relations specialist and TV presenter Yana Laputina, will help you!

Model one - Friends
The most common, and therefore basic, model of relationships. Not everyone succeeds in becoming friends, but many try. The reasons for these efforts are clear. On the one hand, waking up every morning in the same bed is already unbearable, on the other hand, no one but her knows you so well, which means that only with her can you share small but important joys and only with her can you ask for advice on any topic , be it work or a relationship with a new friend. In a word, you have already accepted that this is not your woman, but you don’t want to lose her as a person. Not only that, but you suddenly started to believe in cross-gender friendships. Precisely friendship - without options after some time to try everything all over again. And even without drunken sex. And not just drunk - without sex with this woman at all. After all, you are friends!

Model features
The expert dubbed this model the most honest (although in fact this is not the case - if a man who has broken up with a woman, especially if she left him, believes that there is now friendship between them, he is deceiving himself), because relying on friendship implies, perhaps, the most civilized separation as possible. “True, I am wary of the very formulation “we will part as friends,” because in many cases this only means that the partners have no complaints against each other,” says the expert. But this is not friendship, but something like “let’s get to know each other.” And after breaking up, you are a priori acquaintances, even if during the last quarrel you tear each other’s hair out. So before you take any action, honestly answer two questions for yourself.
First: do you understand what friendship is with a woman, not necessarily with an ex?
Second: why do you need this friendship? The answer to the first question is partially revealed above: you, almost as before, share secrets and secrets, ask each other for advice or to borrow money. By the way, you will also have to be happy that she is much happier with her new boyfriend than in your best time. Think about the second question without our prompts. Weigh all the pros and cons and decide whether you really need it. Maybe it's better to just be acquaintances?

How dangerous is the Friends model?
“The main danger is that you will never be able to be friends in the full sense of the word: it is extremely rare that people break up without a shadow of hatred, desires to return the relationship and claims against each other,” says Yana Laputina. However, this danger is scary not because of the presence of mutual claims, but because you can’t do anything about it, this danger: you need to take it for granted and simply take a risk.

It is possible that one of you will want to return the relationship. If this someone is you, think carefully and, if you really need it, go to option B, that is, to model 2, and act on a new strategy. Since your emotional stability is currently poor, we consider it our duty to remind you that a passionate desire to return everything usually arises in the first months after a breakup, which is absolutely natural if there is no replacement for your ex-girlfriend.
You need to get through this period, and the simple joys of life will help you with this. For example, find a new girl. If you are not yet familiar with the beliefs of pick-up artists and you think that sleeping with a new girl you know just to get over a breakup is too mean even for you, pick up women for money.

Other options for distraction: throw yourself into a new project at work, go on vacation, find a new hobby, sign up for a foreign language course. “If your ex wants to try everything first, but you don’t, then it’s better to just talk to her and explain that you’re not ready for a repeat. At the same time, make an appointment in a completely new place for both of you and stop any attempts by the girl to start a conversation about the time when you were together, our consultant advises. With the help of nostalgia, a woman tries to check whether you are inclined to try again. Support for such memories on your part is something like a “more likely to be located than not” response. Your new girlfriend may not understand your friendship and may even think that you are still, sorry, in love with each other. To prevent suspicions, resentments and scandals, from the very first days of meeting you, do not hide from your new friend that you communicate well with your old one. At the same time, don’t remember what it was like for you two. And actually, mention that she has a new boyfriend, even if she doesn't actually have one.

What to do next
“Be honest. Say you want to leave and try to verbalize how you feel: “I’m tired,” “I don’t even miss you anymore, and it’s not your fault,” and so on. If you have a worthy person next to you, he will appreciate your directness. If the person turned out to be inadequate, you can only sympathize with the fact that you spent part of your life with him. Cut to the quick and better forget about the idea of ​​​​being friends,” admonishes the expert.
“If your goal is to transform the relationship into friendship, and in the shortest possible time, the ideal separation scenario is when both partners are ready for this,” says Yana Laputina. By and large, you both feel that your union will not last long and the only question is who will be the first to decide to talk about it.” In this situation, there is even a chance that you will become friends as soon as you finally sort out the relationship. “We just have to wait until the girl is ready for this kind of separation. It is artificially impossible to push a woman to such readiness.”

Let's say the idea to break up is yours. Moreover, you are such a pragmatic initiator that you began to think about your initiative in advance. Having chosen the case, find out how the girl feels about friendship after a breakup and under what circumstances she considers it possible or impossible. “Since finding out such things directly is an inevitable path to unnecessary questioning, probe her position through abstract things. For example, through discussing separating partners in a movie or talking about your mutual friends Pasha and Masha, who separated two years ago, but despite this, they are friends like water,” our consultant recommends.
“Take a time out and reduce your communication to a minimum,” the expert admonishes. Remind yourself only once or twice a week, and in a purely friendly manner. In a friendly way it’s “Hello! How are you?”, and not “Hello, bunny! How are you?". “How many of your friends do you call bunnies?” Yana Laputina reasonably asks. Stop the habit of calling this girl by diminutive terms, even if it is not the type of animal, but her name. “Such little things will constantly hint that, in addition to friendly feelings, you still have something more for each other,” the expert comments.

What not to do
“Of course, this is a personal matter, but I would not advise having farewell sex,” says Yana Laputina. It will mean that you are not yet ready to part with this person specifically as a woman, which means there can be no talk of full-fledged friendship.”
Never say phrases like “You are very good, but...”, “I don’t deserve you”, “With someone else you will be truly happy”, etc. “Any attempts to provoke your partner to leave you are decided he, this desire to shift responsibility for his decision onto another, but you don’t do that with friends. You must be responsible for your decisions, especially if these decisions concern, albeit still only potential, but still friends,” our consultant admonishes.

During a showdown, do not try to negotiate friendship with her. “It’s like asking a woman during childbirth whether you will have another child,” Yana Laputina draws an analogy. She may be ready for friendship, but you chose the worst possible moment to find out.
“If you have not just decided to leave, but are leaving for someone else with whom you dated long before breaking up with your previous girlfriend, think carefully before telling about it,” the expert advises. Confessing, although you will be honest, will make you look like a scoundrel. “And meanness and friendship are incompatible,” says Yana Laputina.
“At first, don’t drink together. This is an axiom,” says the expert.

Model two - Backup option
Vika is not the worst thing that happened to you in this life. What is there! At one point, you even loved her and were almost ready to spend the rest of your life with her, until you realized that there was quite a lot left. Perhaps you will really marry her if you don’t find anyone better in the next five years. “Your task is to keep a woman on a short leash, not to let her completely leave you,” the expert sums up the essence of the model. For everyone who decided to keep a girl in reserve, we have great news: despite prejudices, no tricks on your part are needed. Everything is extremely simple!

Model features
“This is the most deceitful behavior,” says Yana Laputina. Therefore, we warn you: if you are one of those men who are used to behaving honestly with women, it is better not to look at this point, but instead re-read about friendship. If you have great nerves, and you choose this model as your strategy for the coming months, here’s a bonus: the advice works, even if the girl gets another man during this time and it will be nice for them together.

Why is the model dangerous?
Nothing. No wonder she is the most cunning.

What to do
“By and large, you need to do what the first behavior model prohibits. Call your ex by an affectionate nickname that she likes, and start and maintain conversations about pleasant memories from your shared past. Remind yourself more often, and not only with calls and SMS: from time to time, go to the cinema together and to a cafe that is significant for you - for example, the one where you met.” Such outings will constantly remind a woman of the time when you were together. And even if she was the initiator of your separation, after several such gatherings she will begin to be overcome by doubt: was this step really the right one? After all, apart from your rows with breaking dishes and weekly parties with friends, whiskey and poker, you were a good couple.

Don't miss the opportunity to invite her to your place. For example, to those parties with whiskey and poker. Drunk sex is what you need to fully prevent a woman from forgetting the time when you were together. And “don’t let a woman forget your wonderful past” is the main thesis of the entire strategy! Thank the girls for their phenomenal sentimentality.
Finally, set reminders on your phone for your memorable dates. As before, congratulate them on “this wonderful event” and offer to celebrate it somewhere.

“Be” is not just a particle, but your ally, support and friend. Remember some rough edges in your relationship and insert these rough edges into the template: “If it weren’t for X and Y, our past would have been even more beautiful.” “Would” gives hope, as if by chance hinting that if you correct some details from the past, you will make an excellent couple, and the union will become much stronger than before.”

What not to do
There is no need to hide the appearance of a new girl. It’s enough to tell your ex more often about how you spend your time and, again putting pressure on sentimentality, say that everything was different for you and you miss those times. Don't forget to mention the merits of your new girlfriend - this trick will make your ex jealous.
Don't introduce her to a new girl. At first glance, dating will help increase feelings of jealousy. However, this move is more likely to make it clear to your ex that she has been promoted to the rank of your friends or even acquaintances.

Model number three - Sex only
A girl who doesn’t mind the fact that you have someone else and demands exclusively sex is no less a fetish than a personal secretary - a stripper or a ’67 Chevrolet Impala. And the main beauty of this fetish is that it is an order of magnitude more real than the other two! The model is similar to the fairy tale about Cinderella, especially if you watched its dirty version: although the idea can be brought to life, it can only continue with a single woman for a strictly limited time - details are below.

Why is the model dangerous?
“If you don’t stop in time, sooner or later the girl will begin to claim a status greater than just a mistress. Even if you discussed in advance that nothing but sex can happen between you, the expert assures. On the contrary, mentioning this agreement will lead to an even greater conflict.” The only way to avoid scandals from the “leave her, marry me” series is to sense in time that a woman is no longer interested in sex alone, and immediately retreat. Sorry, but we won’t be able to give the go-ahead that the limit on sex without obligations has been exhausted: such relationships can last from a week to several years, so you will need your own powers of observation to make a timely maneuver.

What to do
Invite her to parties periodically: it is easier to become a lover and mistress if you have sex the first time while drunk. And if a woman was not initially ready for such a relationship, she will certainly find an excuse in alcohol.
“Here, almost everything is the same as on the first dates. A woman loves with her ears, and therefore it’s worth telling her beautifully how wonderful your sex was. At the same time, do not forget to mention that in everything else you, as it turns out, are completely incompatible.” By seeing a woman's reaction, you can determine how committed she is to playing by the rules of Model 3.

What not to do
Even if your ex knows that you have a girlfriend, don’t get carried away with stories about her. This is dangerous for several reasons. For example, your ex-passion already doubts whether she needs your new relationship, and talking about your new hobby will only strengthen these doubts. Outcome: you will only have one girl left. Another option: jealousy will awaken in your old friend and she will try with all her might to get you back. But the worst thing will happen if your mistress comes to the conclusion that you have decided to settle into an impermissibly good situation, and wants to leave you with your nose. In other words, the ex will do everything to ensure that the new woman finds out that you have someone else, causes a scandal and leaves.

Model 4.1 Gentlemanly and forever
You have decided that it is better for you not to see each other again, and you are ready to take all measures for this. However, what can we hide, with this woman you spent, if not the best time of your entire life, then certainly not the most uninteresting. And therefore, she did not deserve any scandals, nor the role of a backup option, nor the place of a sex doll. In a word, despite the fact that you are breaking up, you want to remain a great guy for her, with whom for some reason it just didn’t work out.

Model features
Even if you move to the other side of the world, your plan to never see this girl again may fail. Especially if you haven't changed your mind about being a gentleman. “You will never be strangers anyway, and therefore, when you separate, you should always leave each other the opportunity to ask for help,” says Yana Laputina. You should no longer help with repairs, but if a very difficult situation on the verge of life and death happens in this person’s life, then he should know that he can rely on you.” “They may want to return you,” says our consultant. As a rule, men break down from persistent night SMS or offers to have sex for the last time, come to her in the middle of the night, have a drink together, and so on.” To stay with your decision, you need to be brave and stick to it until the end. Do not respond to such messages and calls, no matter what the cost.

What to do
“You need to indicate your intentions regarding future relationships already when breaking up,” says Yana. To make it clear that you are serious, try to explain the reason for your decision.”

What not to do
Try to do without goodbye sex. There is a high probability that he will be the beginning of the collapse of your plan, and the girl will decide what happens next between you.

Model 4.2 - With scandal and forever
A more realistic variation of the previous model. “Don’t be afraid of scandals, there’s nothing wrong with them. They will help you let off steam and relieve tension for both of you,” says the expert. We think you know how to run into a scandal: just talk about your complaints against a woman or remember the moments when you lied to her. By the way, no quarrel cancels a woman’s unspoken right to count on you in case of serious problems.

Information on the topic


As you know, love relationships sometimes collapse, and therefore we have compiled instructions on the psychology of relationships: how to treat a girl after you break up. Select one of the desired options and follow the described scheme.
As real friends, we will not get into your soul and find out which of you really abandoned whom. That's not the point. The important thing is that you are finally breaking up, which means these tips will come in handy.

First, sober up and decide what you now want from this woman. Having discarded criminal options, we have identified the four most common models for the further development of your relationship. You know that you will either become friends, or meet for sex, or after some time try to start all over again, or separate forever. From now on, you don’t have to guess what will happen next: you can choose any of the models for developing relationships yourself. Recommendations for communicating with your ex-girlfriend, which we compiled with the help of psychologist, interpersonal relations specialist and TV presenter Yana Laputina, will help you!

Model one - Friends
The most common, and therefore basic, model of relationships. Not everyone succeeds in becoming friends, but many try. The reasons for these efforts are clear. On the one hand, waking up every morning in the same bed is already unbearable, on the other hand, no one but her knows you so well, which means that only with her can you share small but important joys and only with her can you ask for advice on any topic , be it work or a relationship with a new friend. In a word, you have already accepted that this is not your woman, but you don’t want to lose her as a person. Not only that, but you suddenly started to believe in cross-gender friendships. Precisely friendship - without options after some time to try everything all over again. And even without drunken sex. And not just drunk - without sex with this woman at all. After all, you are friends!

Model features
The expert dubbed this model the most honest (although in fact this is not the case - if a man who has broken up with a woman, especially if she left him, believes that there is now friendship between them, he is deceiving himself), because relying on friendship implies, perhaps, the most civilized separation as possible. “True, I am wary of the very formulation “we will part as friends,” because in many cases this only means that the partners have no complaints against each other,” says the expert. But this is not friendship, but something like “let’s get to know each other.” And after breaking up, you are a priori acquaintances, even if during the last quarrel you tear each other’s hair out. So before you take any action, honestly answer two questions for yourself.
First: do you understand what friendship is with a woman, not necessarily with an ex?
Second: why do you need this friendship? The answer to the first question is partially revealed above: you, almost as before, share secrets and secrets, ask each other for advice or to borrow money. By the way, you will also have to be happy that she is much happier with her new boyfriend than in your best time. Think about the second question without our prompts. Weigh all the pros and cons and decide whether you really need it. Maybe it's better to just be acquaintances?

How dangerous is the Friends model?
“The main danger is that you will never be able to be friends in the full sense of the word: it is extremely rare that people break up without a shadow of hatred, desires to return the relationship and claims against each other,” says Yana Laputina. However, this danger is scary not because of the presence of mutual claims, but because you can’t do anything about it, this danger: you need to take it for granted and simply take a risk.

It is possible that one of you will want to return the relationship. If this someone is you, think carefully and, if you really need it, go to option B, that is, to model 2, and act on a new strategy. Since your emotional stability is currently poor, we consider it our duty to remind you that a passionate desire to return everything usually arises in the first months after a breakup, which is absolutely natural if there is no replacement for your ex-girlfriend.
You need to get through this period, and the simple joys of life will help you with this. For example, find a new girl. If you are not yet familiar with the beliefs of pick-up artists and you think that sleeping with a new girl you know just to get over a breakup is too mean even for you, pick up women for money.

Other options for distraction: throw yourself into a new project at work, go on vacation, find a new hobby, sign up for a foreign language course. “If your ex wants to try everything first, but you don’t, then it’s better to just talk to her and explain that you’re not ready for a repeat. At the same time, make an appointment in a completely new place for both of you and stop any attempts by the girl to start a conversation about the time when you were together, our consultant advises. With the help of nostalgia, a woman tries to check whether you are inclined to try again. Support for such memories on your part is something like a “more likely to be located than not” response. Your new girlfriend may not understand your friendship and may even think that you are still, sorry, in love with each other. To prevent suspicions, resentments and scandals, from the very first days of meeting you, do not hide from your new friend that you communicate well with your old one. At the same time, don’t remember what it was like for you two. And actually, mention that she has a new boyfriend, even if she doesn't actually have one.

What to do next
“Be honest. Say you want to leave and try to verbalize how you feel: “I’m tired,” “I don’t even miss you anymore, and it’s not your fault,” and so on. If you have a worthy person next to you, he will appreciate your directness. If the person turned out to be inadequate, you can only sympathize with the fact that you spent part of your life with him. Cut to the quick and better forget about the idea of ​​​​being friends,” admonishes the expert.
“If your goal is to transform the relationship into friendship, and in the shortest possible time, the ideal separation scenario is when both partners are ready for this,” says Yana Laputina. By and large, you both feel that your union will not last long and the only question is who will be the first to decide to talk about it.” In this situation, there is even a chance that you will become friends as soon as you finally sort out the relationship. “We just have to wait until the girl is ready for this kind of separation. It is artificially impossible to push a woman to such readiness.”

Let's say the idea to break up is yours. Moreover, you are such a pragmatic initiator that you began to think about your initiative in advance. Having chosen the case, find out how the girl feels about friendship after a breakup and under what circumstances she considers it possible or impossible. “Since finding out such things directly is an inevitable path to unnecessary questioning, probe her position through abstract things. For example, through discussing separating partners in a movie or talking about your mutual friends Pasha and Masha, who separated two years ago, but despite this, they are friends like water,” our consultant recommends.
“Take a time out and reduce your communication to a minimum,” the expert admonishes. Remind yourself only once or twice a week, and in a purely friendly manner. In a friendly way it’s “Hello! How are you?”, and not “Hello, bunny! How are you?". “How many of your friends do you call bunnies?” Yana Laputina reasonably asks. Stop the habit of calling this girl by diminutive terms, even if it is not the type of animal, but her name. “Such little things will constantly hint that, in addition to friendly feelings, you still have something more for each other,” the expert comments.

What not to do
“Of course, this is a personal matter, but I would not advise having farewell sex,” says Yana Laputina. It will mean that you are not yet ready to part with this person specifically as a woman, which means there can be no talk of full-fledged friendship.”
Never say phrases like “You are very good, but...”, “I don’t deserve you”, “With someone else you will be truly happy”, etc. “Any attempts to provoke your partner to leave you are decided he, this desire to shift responsibility for his decision onto another, but you don’t do that with friends. You must be responsible for your decisions, especially if these decisions concern, albeit still only potential, but still friends,” our consultant admonishes.

During a showdown, do not try to negotiate friendship with her. “It’s like asking a woman during childbirth whether you will have another child,” Yana Laputina draws an analogy. She may be ready for friendship, but you chose the worst possible moment to find out.
“If you have not just decided to leave, but are leaving for someone else with whom you dated long before breaking up with your previous girlfriend, think carefully before telling about it,” the expert advises. Confessing, although you will be honest, will make you look like a scoundrel. “And meanness and friendship are incompatible,” says Yana Laputina.
“At first, don’t drink together. This is an axiom,” says the expert.

Model two - Backup option
Vika is not the worst thing that happened to you in this life. What is there! At one point, you even loved her and were almost ready to spend the rest of your life with her, until you realized that there was quite a lot left. Perhaps you will really marry her if you don’t find anyone better in the next five years. “Your task is to keep a woman on a short leash, not to let her completely leave you,” the expert sums up the essence of the model. For everyone who decided to keep a girl in reserve, we have great news: despite prejudices, no tricks on your part are needed. Everything is extremely simple!

Model features
“This is the most deceitful behavior,” says Yana Laputina. Therefore, we warn you: if you are one of those men who are used to behaving honestly with women, it is better not to look at this point, but instead re-read about friendship. If you have great nerves, and you choose this model as your strategy for the coming months, here’s a bonus: the advice works, even if the girl gets another man during this time and it will be nice for them together.

Why is the model dangerous?
Nothing. No wonder she is the most cunning.

What to do
“By and large, you need to do what the first behavior model prohibits. Call your ex by an affectionate nickname that she likes, and start and maintain conversations about pleasant memories from your shared past. Remind yourself more often, and not only with calls and SMS: from time to time, go to the cinema together and to a cafe that is significant for you - for example, the one where you met.” Such outings will constantly remind a woman of the time when you were together. And even if she was the initiator of your separation, after several such gatherings she will begin to be overcome by doubt: was this step really the right one? After all, apart from your rows with breaking dishes and weekly parties with friends, whiskey and poker, you were a good couple.

Don't miss the opportunity to invite her to your place. For example, to those parties with whiskey and poker. Drunk sex is what you need to fully prevent a woman from forgetting the time when you were together. And “don’t let a woman forget your wonderful past” is the main thesis of the entire strategy! Thank the girls for their phenomenal sentimentality.
Finally, set reminders on your phone for your memorable dates. As before, congratulate them on “this wonderful event” and offer to celebrate it somewhere.

“Be” is not just a particle, but your ally, support and friend. Remember some rough edges in your relationship and insert these rough edges into the template: “If it weren’t for X and Y, our past would have been even more beautiful.” “Would” gives hope, as if by chance hinting that if you correct some details from the past, you will make an excellent couple, and the union will become much stronger than before.”

What not to do
There is no need to hide the appearance of a new girl. It’s enough to tell your ex more often about how you spend your time and, again putting pressure on sentimentality, say that everything was different for you and you miss those times. Don't forget to mention the merits of your new girlfriend - this trick will make your ex jealous.
Don't introduce her to a new girl. At first glance, dating will help increase feelings of jealousy. However, this move is more likely to make it clear to your ex that she has been promoted to the rank of your friends or even acquaintances.

Model number three - Sex only
A girl who doesn’t mind the fact that you have someone else and demands exclusively sex is no less a fetish than a personal secretary - a stripper or a ’67 Chevrolet Impala. And the main beauty of this fetish is that it is an order of magnitude more real than the other two! The model is similar to the fairy tale about Cinderella, especially if you watched its dirty version: although the idea can be brought to life, it can only continue with a single woman for a strictly limited time - details are below.

Why is the model dangerous?
“If you don’t stop in time, sooner or later the girl will begin to claim a status greater than just a mistress. Even if you discussed in advance that nothing but sex can happen between you, the expert assures. On the contrary, mentioning this agreement will lead to an even greater conflict.” The only way to avoid scandals from the “leave her, marry me” series is to sense in time that a woman is no longer interested in sex alone, and immediately retreat. Sorry, but we won’t be able to give the go-ahead that the limit on sex without obligations has been exhausted: such relationships can last from a week to several years, so you will need your own powers of observation to make a timely maneuver.

What to do
Invite her to parties periodically: it is easier to become a lover and mistress if you have sex the first time while drunk. And if a woman was not initially ready for such a relationship, she will certainly find an excuse in alcohol.
“Here, almost everything is the same as on the first dates. A woman loves with her ears, and therefore it’s worth telling her beautifully how wonderful your sex was. At the same time, do not forget to mention that in everything else you, as it turns out, are completely incompatible.” By seeing a woman's reaction, you can determine how committed she is to playing by the rules of Model 3.

What not to do
Even if your ex knows that you have a girlfriend, don’t get carried away with stories about her. This is dangerous for several reasons. For example, your ex-passion already doubts whether she needs your new relationship, and talking about your new hobby will only strengthen these doubts. Outcome: you will only have one girl left. Another option: jealousy will awaken in your old friend and she will try with all her might to get you back. But the worst thing will happen if your mistress comes to the conclusion that you have decided to settle into an impermissibly good situation, and wants to leave you with your nose. In other words, the ex will do everything to ensure that the new woman finds out that you have someone else, causes a scandal and leaves.

Model 4.1 Gentlemanly and forever
You have decided that it is better for you not to see each other again, and you are ready to take all measures for this. However, what can we hide, with this woman you spent, if not the best time of your entire life, then certainly not the most uninteresting. And therefore, she did not deserve any scandals, nor the role of a backup option, nor the place of a sex doll. In a word, despite the fact that you are breaking up, you want to remain a great guy for her, with whom for some reason it just didn’t work out.

Model features
Even if you move to the other side of the world, your plan to never see this girl again may fail. Especially if you haven't changed your mind about being a gentleman. “You will never be strangers anyway, and therefore, when you separate, you should always leave each other the opportunity to ask for help,” says Yana Laputina. You should no longer help with repairs, but if a very difficult situation on the verge of life and death happens in this person’s life, then he should know that he can rely on you.” “They may want to return you,” says our consultant. As a rule, men break down from persistent night SMS or offers to have sex for the last time, come to her in the middle of the night, have a drink together, and so on.” To stay with your decision, you need to be brave and stick to it until the end. Do not respond to such messages and calls, no matter what the cost.

What to do
“You need to indicate your intentions regarding future relationships already when breaking up,” says Yana. To make it clear that you are serious, try to explain the reason for your decision.”

What not to do
Try to do without goodbye sex. There is a high probability that he will be the beginning of the collapse of your plan, and the girl will decide what happens next between you.

Model 4.2 - With scandal and forever
A more realistic variation of the previous model. “Don’t be afraid of scandals, there’s nothing wrong with them. They will help you let off steam and relieve tension for both of you,” says the expert. We think you know how to run into a scandal: just talk about your complaints against a woman or remember the moments when you lied to her. By the way, no quarrel cancels a woman’s unspoken right to count on you in case of serious problems.

Information on the topic

The family of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis was considered exemplary. And even after the divorce, they became role models and remained friends. Demi and Bruce often attended various events with their children. And Ashton Kutcher kept them company (until Moore broke up with him too)

Every self-respecting girl from childhood has a very clear idea of ​​how, where and when her wedding should take place, and how sweet and wonderful her relationship with the prince of her dreams “from the future” will be. At the same time, none of these girls have any idea how their relationship will develop if they suddenly break up. Will they remain friends, or at least acquaintances, or will they share the frying pans they have acquired together with loud scandals, and not even say hello when they meet by chance on the street?

Business as usual!

The statistics are as follows:

65% of married couples break up;
. 70% of divorced spouses are ready to resume relationships with their exes;
. Only 25% of divorced couples met new love within the first year after divorce;
. Only 20% of couples manage to break up without loud scandals;
. Despite the intricacies of the separation process, 23% of separated couples have had “no strings attached” sex with their ex at least once.

Enemy Siege

When over the years of living together a whole bunch of grievances and a handful of complaints have accumulated, then parting becomes just that very moment of glory when all this can finally be boldly expressed to each other. Secret skeletons in the closet are now not only revealed to each other, but also become public knowledge. Now all her colleagues will know about his shortcomings, and he will finally open his mother’s eyes and tell her about what her beloved daughter-in-law Mashenka really is - a hysterical monster who does not know how to cook, wash and clean. The departure takes place to the accompaniment of breaking dishes, loud screams and the sounds of sawing the TV.

Minus:
Former lovers turn into bitter enemies, into those who “ruined the best years” and “did not care about the soul.” And the innermost secrets and life's mistakes, which were previously carefully hidden, can now be brought to the public view of friends.

Plus:
And what difference does it make who they turn into if they are already exes? If this is the case, then let out the resentment that truly corroded and interfered with life. Restraining emotions is more expensive for yourself, but you don’t need to make enemies for yourself.

An attempt at friendship

The relationship is over - that's a fact. You parted on opposite sides of the barricades, seemingly even peacefully, without a fight. Perhaps one of you is even enthusiastic. Respect and self-esteem were hardly damaged in this battle. And to some this may seem like a good reason for friendship, and he will want to continue communication. Call, find out how you are doing, congratulate you on the holiday, after all, they are not strangers. Relatives. Relationships between ex-spouses serve as role models Demi Moore And Bruce Willis. Their family has long been considered exemplary. But even after the separation, the couple remained on excellent terms. They are truly (most likely) friends. Moreover, sometimes they spend time together - they go to some sports match, or a party, or a premiere. And often they were accompanied by their current life partners: Demi, her common-law husband Ashton Kutcher(though before she broke up with him) and Bruce’s wife - Emma Heming. And by the way, when Moore, tired of Kutcher’s endless betrayals, broke up with him, at a difficult moment she was supported by none other than her ex-husband Willis.

Minus:
The example of “Die Hard” and Demi Moore is practically an exception to the rule. There are very few such couples. In most cases, “not strangers” sooner or later realize that they have long been strangers. And that close friendship cannot be built on the ruins of a love story in most cases. Friendship will instantly evaporate as soon as new love appears in the life of one or another partner. And if she/he is dissatisfied with communication with exes, then sweet callbacks “How are you?” and rare meetings over a cup of tea will stop overnight.

Plus:
Strong people manage to maintain friendly relationships. In addition, it’s always good when you have someone to call “if something happens” and who can forever remain a close person to you, who will help in raising a common child and in general in difficult times. But this happens extremely rarely. This is truly a high relationship, as Nina Orlovich said about Margarita Pavlovna’s relationship with her ex-husband Khobotov and husband Savva Ignatievich from the film “Pokrovsky Gates”!

I don't see anyone, I don't hear anything

The end of a relationship is, of course, not the end of the world. But many people prefer to sever all ties at once, erase the past from their memory, divide mutual friends into “his” and “mine”, and when they see their former love walking towards them on the street, they immediately cross the road so as not to meet eye to eye. Any hints that these people know each other at all in this version are excluded!

Minus:
Trying to pretend that you don't know each other usually means running away from the fear of facing your feelings and emotions. Perhaps this technique will even bring relief for a while, but meeting the ghosts of the past is inevitable. It may happen sooner or later, so you don’t need to run, but prepare yourself for it.

Plus:
If the breakup brought you only relief and liberation, and the level of respect has dropped so much that you don’t even have to say hello. Then such a policy of behavior will only benefit you. After all, now your life is freed from the biggest irritant or offender.

Bound by one chain

Without a doubt, parting is not the richest time for positive emotions. Quarrels, depression, scandals only add fuel to the fire of despair. But quite often, a couple, in addition to once mutual feelings, is connected by something else in common. For example, children or work and general business?

Minus:
If negative emotions are so extreme, then passionately former lovers can not only begin to “cut” their common business, but also their children. And if a job can be changed in such circumstances, then such a difficult divorce of parents is quite a severe test for the child’s psyche.

Understand and forgive

Being able to accept and let go of the situation is the highest achievement for a person who is in the process of breaking up. Establishing warm, friendly relationships without unnecessary illusions between former loved ones is real. Perhaps you just need to take a break, and time will put everything in its place. You should not play the game “who will become happy faster” and compare his new passion with yourself, in search of your own winnings. Here it is important to simply accept the truth that everything in this world has its beginning and its end. There is no perfect recipe for a relationship. And let someone’s love live a lifetime, and someone’s only three years. And all the same, any end is absolutely always the beginning for something new!



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