Why don't we find our true desires? How to learn to recognize your true desires.
Svetlana RumyantsevaDissatisfaction is a feeling that arises in the life of every person. The reasons are not always clear. Guessing, wondering, searching for an answer sometimes takes years. Precious time is running out, but satisfaction does not come. How to understand your desires? Where to find the path to the subconscious to find yourself? From today you have to change your life for the better and do it wisely.
Self-knowledge
Studying oneself is an important task for the individual, but not every person reaches the last of the three levels of self-knowledge:
Individual - knowledge of oneself as a representative of a biological species.
Social individual – understanding of his place in society.
Personality is an idea of oneself. At this stage, a person is independent in making decisions and viewing the world. The third level of self-knowledge is revealed through the image of “I”. A person can consciously build a concept-idea about himself, his own desires, preferences, aspirations, and perception of the world in verbal form. The image being built is:
Observe yourself and your emotions more often. Your unconscious reaction will point you in the right direction. If something makes you tired and irritated, then it's definitely not what you need.
Intuitive drawing
Make time for yourself. Draw whatever you want, from lines and zigzags to complex compositions with several active characters and lots of details. Take paints and color the resulting image. You can immediately use colored pencils and markers.
This is where the Luscher test comes in handy. It can be easily accessed on the Internet. Remember the colors you like the most and the ones you like the least. Look at your picture. If you portray yourself in a color that is unpleasant to you, then something is going wrong.
Let's imagine that you don't like blue, but love green. You will draw blue everything that you subconsciously don’t like, and green what you really like. For example, a girl draws a catwalk model with her least favorite color. Consciously, she thinks that this is her ideal, but her subconscious responds differently. Some aspirations are instilled in us from the outside. A color test will help reveal differences and determine what is really important to you.
Looking to the future
Think about it, ? Do you have specific plans for the future and ideas about ways to move towards your goal? What are you doing to achieve it now? Consider whether you enjoy this process. Where did the idea come from, did you make the decision yourself?
If you're in law school and don't know what to do next, there's a good chance you're in the wrong place.
Following inspired desires leads a person to a dead end. The lack of a goal and idea of the result indicates that the actions are unnatural.
On the path of self-determination
It takes time to understand yourself. Insight will not come to you the minute you decide to try a new experiment. Self-knowledge lasts a lifetime. You and your desires change. The main thing is to be able to determine the direction.
Communicate with your subconscious. When bringing hidden desires into conscious space, do not be afraid to fulfill them (if this does not harm others). Learn to immerse the idea into the subconscious yourself, then it will mobilize all its forces to fulfill the desire. Use your hidden abilities.
Use visuals to activate the subconscious. It’s not enough to think about your desire, you need to imagine it in all its colors. The more believable and convincing the picture, the higher the likelihood that you will achieve your goal. For example, if you want to move to another city, think about it, imagine its streets and yourself wandering through them. Draw in your fantasies a new apartment with a view of local attractions, think through the smallest details, feel that you are happy in the new place. This will convince the subconscious, and it will open up your internal reserves for further actions.
March 3, 2014Desires. Each of us has them and they are all different. Small and large, simple and complex, secret and obvious, true and... false.
Hello and good day to all readers of the site!
In the article, I promised to cover the topic of testing them for truth, and today we will talk about how to understand your true desires and how to distinguish real ones from fake ones.
We are all literally made up of desires, we are directly woven from them. But most of us don’t even think that not all of them belong to us, our soul, but are dictated by someone or something from the outside.
Be afraid of your wishes - they tend to come true
If you think about how we live, it turns out that basically our entire life is subordinated to the desires and needs of our material body, but not to the soul. Indeed, sleep, food, sex and protection - our body requires this. It wants to sleep, eat, reproduce and be protected.
But inside this apparatus there is also a heart in which our soul lives and in which our other desires live, which are true in their essence. And if we don’t know them, then there is a high probability of falling under desires imposed from the outside, from the outside. Under strangers and alien to our hearts.
And who imposes all this on us?
You know the answer well. This is the media with its intrusive advertising. Advertising of life values, goals and things that we don’t need is the scourge of modern society.
And that having received this, he will certainly be happy. We lived without bothering ourselves, and suddenly bam - we saw an advertisement, and it turned out that all this time we had lived in vain.
TV is the ideal machine by filling us with other people's desires and imposed ideals. They promise you that you will definitely be happy if you buy or do something. A person believes these persuasions, buys, but, alas, does not become happy.
For example, the man on TV becomes very happy after shaving with a new razor. I run, buy this super thing, quickly start shaving and... I don’t feel any happiness at all. Even approximately. Only skin irritation remains...
Conclusion - do not believe those who create imposed desires in you.
Try to find the way to your as yet unmanifested desires of your soul.
How to check if a wish is true?
There are several such methods, but today I will introduce you to one interesting and simple method that I use myself.
Back in the late 90s, I studied at the DEIR School - School of Further Energy-Information Human Development. It consists of 5 steps.
So, at the first stage of this school they teach how to test their desires for truth. According to the DEIR system, all human desires are divided into 2 groups - true and false.
True desires are passed by our subconscious, it accepts them and begins to fulfill them. When making its choice, the subconscious, relying on many signs known to itself, always goes in the direction of comfort. He should feel pleasant, easy and comfortable.
The goal is achieved only in case of complete agreement between consciousness and subconscious, between soul and mind. When there are no contradictions between them, there are no barriers.
This condition is described by Zealand in his ““. This is the human condition when “The soul sings, but the mind rubs its hands contentedly”
A true desire is a desire approved by the subconscious.
So, we have dealt with the theory and now we move on to practice. Now the fun begins!
To test a desire for truth, the concept of REFERENCE STATE is introduced in the DEIR skill system.
What is it?
- this is the state of your soul in which you were absolutely happy. This is a fragment of your life, an episode from it, where you felt carefree, light and joyful, where there were no problems. This is the state where you got what you wanted and experienced pleasure and satisfaction.
Remember it, find it in your memory, every person has such states.
It is advisable to choose something from childhood and something related to nature. But this is not necessary.
For example, my reference state is a mental slide of me picking mushrooms in the forest as a child.
“I am alone, looking for mushrooms, finding them, experiencing wild delight and childish joy at the same time. I'm really happy! Grandfather is with me, he is somewhere nearby and in the next clearing we will meet and I will show him my “trophies”.
How to enter the reference state?
Now the technique itself begins. After you have decided on your “picture”, we begin to “enter” it
We sit down comfortably, close our eyes, calm our thoughts and mentally evoke this very state on the “inner screen”. We enter it, look around, feel sounds, smells, colors... We completely immerse ourselves in this state... And now, holding it there, we begin to think about our desire, imagining that it has ALREADY come true. At the same time, we carefully monitor our inner sensations...
If your feelings haven’t changed, congratulations! - your desire is true, it is truly YOURS and you can safely begin to realize it.
But if you feel discomfort or your condition has somehow changed, it is better to forget about this desire, since most likely it was imposed by society and fulfilling it will not bring you happiness.
Apply the reference state in different life situations - if you decide where to go on vacation or what gift to choose and you will see that true desires when implemented, they will bring you real joy and pleasure!
True wishes to you!
Arthur Golovin
Interesting
It has already been said that the main difficulty is that we ourselves do not know what we want. One has only to determine your true desires, as the calling will become an obvious fact, and you will no longer have to look for it.
But that’s the rub: how to find your true desires? What does true mean? And why the hell does it most often happen that you don’t want anything at all?
There may be several reasons for this.
1. Lack of the habit of wishing. The overwhelming majority of books and articles on finding your calling suggest this method: imagine that you have a lot of money, you already have everything: a luxurious house, a car, a yacht, and in general everything you could want for money, and you You’ve already traveled around the world twenty times, and you’re really sick of it. Introduced? Now tell me, what would you do in that case?
Most people will say: nothing! I have everything now, leave me alone, I’ll lie on the sofa and be stunned by the fact that I already have everything. What more could you want?
Intellectually, of course, you understand that such a life will very soon become very boring, because there is nothing more to desire. And that all these things are purely consumer, but you need to want something for the soul. But the soul keeps silent to itself, because it has lost the habit of wishing for anything.
How can you hear your soul? Meditate often. There are quite simple but effective ways to meditate. For example, on . This will help over time to calm down the internal “chatter” and finally hear your Inner Self, which never makes mistakes and knows exactly what it wants.
We always strive for the forbidden and desire the forbidden.
Ovid
2. Lack of energy. Modern man has very low energy levels. Too much artificial food, too much junk information, too much stress and constant lack of sleep. All this takes a lot of energy, leaving no opportunity not only to dream and desire, but also to simply enjoy at least something in life. Such a gray, monotonous existence day after day.
This is also where the lack of the habit of desiring, which was discussed in the previous paragraph, comes from. They say that in childhood we all know how to truly desire, but over time we forget how to do it. Actually this is not true. It is impossible to forget what you already know how to do. You can lose a skill, but you can’t forget it. It's like riding a bicycle: you can always get back on and ride if you've already succeeded at least once.
Another thing is that we are often simply afraid to use our half-forgotten skills. If you take the same bicycle, then an adult is sometimes simply scared to get on it. What if it falls? He'll accidentally break something.
It's the same with desires. An adult is simply afraid, even though he knows how, to desire something, because it can greatly change the established world. But a person already has so many worries that he simply doesn’t want to add new ones. After all, even to maintain the familiar world there is often not enough energy. That’s why he most often says that he doesn’t know what he wants, but in fact he doesn’t want to know. It’s safer, easier and simpler to live.
3. Inflated expectations. For some reason, many people think that true desires should be wow!
To fall in love is like a queen, to lose is like a million!
From the film “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears”
In fact, just because the desire is small and momentary, it does not cease to be true. If you feel the urge to go to the toilet, then this desire is completely true, although it is not impressive, of course. Unless you feel the urge to have a big one in the middle of a crowd somewhere on the subway. Then it will be fun.
Have you ever tried to just lie on the couch, but do it extremely consciously? And get a kick out of it? And to understand that sometimes true desires are very simple and accessible, but we don’t pay attention to them, believing that they should be somehow more impressive and larger or something.
The fewer desires I have, the closer I am to the gods.
Socrates
In our daily life, such true desires arise in a cart and a small cart. But we don’t notice them, considering them something unimportant. And this is a completely wrong approach.
We have forgotten how to appreciate what we already have. Most of us have a roof over our heads, cold and hot water from the tap, electricity, gas, a cozy toilet, a refrigerator with food, a soft bed with white sheets, the Internet with a lot of information, mobile communications and a lot of other goodies. Yes, in medieval Europe any king would have strangled himself with envy.
But we don't appreciate it. These things have become familiar, everyday. However, as soon as any detail disappears for a while (for example, the lights in the whole house are turned off), we immediately begin to get nervous and feel the hard way: damn, the convenience has disappeared! And it suddenly became uncomfortable, and even a little scary, and you already long for the speedy restoration of electricity in the house, cursing the vile electricians.
Until we learn to rejoice, appreciate and thank the Universe for all the things, skills and abilities that we already have, we are unlikely to achieve anything more. Think for a moment about disabled people who lack limbs, or vision, or hearing, or have some other serious health problems, and understand how wealthy a person you already are.
Until we learn to rejoice, appreciate and thank the Universe for all the things, skills and abilities that we already have, we are unlikely to achieve anything more...
4. Negative. Most of the time we are focused not on what we want, but on the exact opposite - on what we DO NOT want, or what we lack. This is a fundamentally wrong approach! The point here is not even whether the Universe understands the particle “not” or does not understand. It’s just that when a person is focused on what he doesn’t want, or on what he doesn’t have, then he doesn’t have time to think at all: what does he want then?
In fact, we can say that if a person denies something in his life and does not want to receive it (illness, poverty, loneliness, etc.), then this can also be called a true desire. After all, he really wants this. But the problem is precisely that he only thinks about this, day after day, thereby maintaining the “light” of this negative desire. He is so used to it that if it is really abruptly taken away from him, the person can easily experience shock and stress. Why! What he had lived with for so long and what he passionately hated had disappeared. How to live now then?
So, the trick is not just NOT to DESIRE something, but to find a positive replacement for it in order to DESIRE it. If you don’t want to be sick and dead, just want to become healthy and strong. If you don’t want to live in poverty, wish to become rich. And so on. It's simple, but few people think about it.
By the way, there is a very interesting book “Live with Feeling”. Its author is Danielle Laporte.
Here's what the book description says:
… We strive for certain things and goals, hoping that achieving them will make us feel better. What if you first clearly defined how you want to feel and what you want to do, and only then figured out your intentions and goals?
That is, a method by contradiction is proposed. You first decide what you want to experience and feel in your life, and then base your true desires on this. In my opinion, this is both more honest and reasonable.
Don't know what you want to feel and experience? Here's a hint:
Every person wants to live in safety, prosperity and joy. These are the true desires of any person. But what tools he uses for this are precisely those things that he truly wants; events in which he wants to participate; and the people he wants to communicate with.
And one more thing. True desires make it easy to give correct answer to the question: “ Why do I need this?“There can only be one correct answer: if it is necessary for a feeling of fullness of life, a sense of satisfaction, for joy, happiness, pleasure, financial well-being - then the desire is true.
If your answer to this question sounds something like this: “I need this in order to be no worse than others, to be loved and respected by others, because this is accepted in society, because others have it...”, then your desire is 100% not true.
These days, the topic of consciously managing oneself and one’s life is becoming increasingly popular. Very useful. There are so many events, information, people around us. There is so much advice and opinions on how we should live, where to go, what to dream about, that our heads are spinning. But who knows better than ourselves what we want and what we are like? Nobody!
It has long been noticed that you and I are filled to the brim with desires. They amaze the imagination with their diversity and unpredictability. Desires can be of different “shapes,” colors, contents, and even differ in the strength of their influence on ourselves. Such chaos is difficult to systematize. Desires excite the body and soul, preventing you from living quietly, calmly and peacefully, enjoying complete harmony.
There are times in life when a stream of desires seems to want to engulf us and we rush around, trying to find a solid spot under our feet, so that we can lean on and think at least for a while. I think each of us has experienced a state close to panic from the desire to embrace the immensity and accomplish the impossible at once and in all directions.
At one of these moments, I wanted to somehow systematize this mess. Now it looks like a matrix where a voluminous amount of information can be viewed and analyzed. This approach helps you identify and understand your true desires and, turning them into goals, move towards happiness, and not in the opposite direction.
How to determine your true desires: spring cleaning
Women strive for simplicity (even if men don’t agree with this), so all desires are combined into simple and unpretentious groups. I will briefly describe each one so that the understanding becomes general.
- Household desires. Well, everything seems clear here. All desires related to providing yourself and your family with the essentials for life can be classified in this category. Renovating the apartment because the time has come; looking for a job because you need to feed your children; vacation package, the cost of which will not exceed a certain amount.
- Creative desires. Any desires where not only the result is important, but also emotional satisfaction. Not just a renovation, but a choice of style and design; searching for a job where a creative approach is encouraged; relaxation in the company of interesting people or along a independently developed route.
- Selfless desires. Our spontaneous and emotional impulses “live” here. Fortunately, they have nothing to do with achieving results or even satisfaction. It is customary to restrain them, considering them inappropriate and even indecent in modern society. Suddenly, after a short emotional conversation with a fellow traveler, you want to hug him; give a homeless person a bottle of vodka; cry with a stranger or donate your property to a fund to help homeless children.
- "Elusive" desires. These desires are similar to pregnant women. I don’t know what I want, but I know exactly what I want! It doesn’t matter to me where you get pickles at 2 am, but the main thing is that they are there in 20 minutes. Otherwise, death is definitely death!
How to find out your true desires: “Gulcetay, open your face...”
This is perhaps the easiest action. There is no need to be clever and put everything into deep psychological categories. For the second step, it is enough to filter each “caught” desire using three questions: “Do I need it?”, “Why?”, “Now or sometime later?”
How to understand your true desires: checking for lice
You have found your true desire and started moving towards it. I advise you to spend some time observing what will happen to you and around you. While paying attention to what is happening, try to grasp whether you are moving in the right direction? If everything goes easily and the level of satisfaction remains, then everything is ok. Problems may arise, but they are more like temporary difficulties and are more invigorating than frightening.
How to make a wish come true: everything requires skill, hardening, training
Here you go! Everything indicates that you are going where you want to go. You may arrive at your destination ahead of schedule, or perhaps vice versa. The path will not be close and thorny. That is why I will describe several useful techniques that helped me on the path to achieving my desires.
- “Calm, just calm!” - as the great Carlson used to say. Peace is a very valuable state of mind, which has long been inaccessible to some people. Calm means that all worries and fears, worries and worries have left us and we have nothing to worry about. The essence of the technique is to consciously fill yourself with positive emotions on an ongoing basis. Find ways to enjoy life and sincerely thank those who help you with this.
- “Patience and work will grind everything down.” Patience is the ability to slow down your activity in any of its expressions, and therefore not rush to conclusions and reactions. If you want to learn patience, then you are in line! Choose a longer queue. Try not to push elbows or get rowdy. Difficult? So this is your way!
- “All life is a struggle!” The ability to fight and not give up can be very useful. Every time something or someone blocks your path, take it as a challenge and fight. This struggle may only take a few minutes, but the effect will be achieved. The safest workout is any game, from pillow fighting to chess. The main thing is the atmosphere of excitement and the spirit of competition.
- “Winners are not judged!” We know that success does not come by itself, it must be achieved in order to get what we need at the moment when we can adequately evaluate the result. If you devote a lot of time to realizing your true desire, then on the way to the result you will find many stages that add up to one long path. The simplest thing we can do is celebrate even the smallest achievements and reward ourselves for our efforts towards victory.
Before setting a goal, work out your desire matrix yourself or with the help of professionals. Develop the ability to SEE, HEAR and FEEL what is happening. To move joyfully and cheerfully, and not slowly and sadly, towards achieving results. Fair wind to you!
Sometimes the cause of many problems and failures in life is a vague idea of one’s true goals and desires. Not immediate ones (eat, watch TV, etc.), but global ones. Usually those people who achieve success are those who have a clear idea of what they want. From life. In life. And in general.
“I don’t understand, I don’t know what I want,” - how often do you say these words to yourself or others?
How many of us simply live and live, go with the flow, or still, sometimes, try to flounder, but somehow without any particular results. Or they even swim, quite consciously and beautifully, but at some point they suddenly realize that they have not sailed to where they wanted. And in life everything is not as we would like. As planned, imagined, hoped. Dissatisfaction with life, with oneself, with others appears. And from here there are even more problems, irritation that grows like a snowball... And with sadness or even despair you realize that life is joyless and meaningless. And many years were wasted for no reason.
But Leo Tolstoy said that “If life does not seem like a great joy to you, it is only because your mind is misdirected.” And it is quite possible that the reason for all your failures or failures lies simply in the fact that you yourself do not really know what you want. Maybe due to the fact that in the bustle of endless affairs there was simply no time to sit down and sort out your aspirations and desires. Or it seemed to you that you understood what you wanted, but in the end, you either understood incorrectly or were not fully aware of your true desires, being guided by superficial ones. Or not even their own, but the desires of parents, teachers, others - as often happens - taking them as their own.
And at some point, suddenly - which is inevitable - we found ourselves with nothing. However, not necessarily at the trough. Maybe near a villa on the sea coast, or just within the walls of the office at work... But in confusion and confusion. Dissatisfied with their life or the ever-growing anxiety that has appeared from somewhere, that everything is somehow wrong... Not right. Doesn't bring you joy or pleasure.
Some call it a midlife crisis. However, such feelings and thoughts can appear at any time, at any age. And in a more mature one, it is simply perceived and experienced more sharply. And then many people do things that are incomprehensible to others and unexpected. For example, they quit a successful job, move to another city and start all over again, in a completely different professional field. Men often leave their families and start affairs with younger girls. By the way, such spontaneous actions do not always make people happier. If they act at random, trying to escape from dissatisfaction with their life, and in fact - from themselves, without really understanding, again, their desires - the result will be the same, after a while they again realize that this is again “not That".
In such a situation, it is more correct not to run away from yourself, but, on the contrary, to take a step towards yourself. Sit down and finally figure it out, ask the question: “What do I want?” Although sometimes it can be so difficult to answer. Or hear the answer coming from your subconscious.
First, make a list of your wishes. Write whatever comes to your mind. What did you dream about as a child? What would you like now? Maybe he can go somewhere, do something, but there is not enough time for it or there are no opportunities... Maybe start drawing or take vocal lessons. Or learn foreign languages... Let your list be as long as possible, you can write it not at once, but put it aside, and then add to it over the course of several days. Only your desires should be real and well thought out, and not from the realm of fairy tales and fantasy.
When coming up with your next wish, listen to yourself every time. Try to imagine that your cherished goal has come true. What emotions do you experience at the same time - joy, jubilation? Or maybe partly internal discomfort? For example, having decided to make a career and earn a lot of money at any cost, are you ready to sacrifice your time that you could spend with family and friends, recreation, and hobbies? Stuck at work from morning to evening, with rare days off and even rarer vacations? Are you ready for all these difficulties that accompany your dream? If you feel doubts, it means this is not what you really need, etc.
It is important to be able to correctly and clearly formulate your desires. For example, “know”, “be able” and “learn”, “learn” are not the same thing. You may want to know foreign languages, but not have a great desire to learn them. Well, you need to make some effort, and not a small one. And without teaching, alas, it’s impossible to know. Therefore, it is more correct to formulate: “I want to learn” (if you need it, again).
Now take another sheet and imagine that you have received an inheritance from a billionaire relative who suddenly appeared out of nowhere and suddenly died. So, a couple of million dollars. Now start making a new list of your wishes. Moreover, this list can be divided into three points (columns):
1) what will you do now, what will you do with your millions;
2) what, from what you did (what you wanted to do) earlier, you will now give up;
3) what you won’t give up for anything, even if you have millions.
Particular attention should be paid to what you indicate in paragraph No. 2. For example, if you mention that the first thing you will do is leave your job or your husband - because before (that is, before you became a millionaire) you were FORCED to work in this place (in this position)/live with this person due to circumstances, etc.
The thirst for drastic changes indicates that you are in the wrong place / with the wrong person, or a crisis in the relationship. This does not mean that you need to tear everything up at once, but you need to pay attention and think about it. And then try to take some steps depending on the situation. What if you just change jobs? Or even try to do the same thing, but in a different city? If you don’t see any prospects, it means you need to change your field of activity. It's the same with relationships. Your dissatisfaction may indicate brewing problems/crisis in the relationship. Maybe some measures should be taken to improve relations? If you don’t see the point in this, then you should think about more drastic measures. And so on, on all counts.
Now compare your first and second lists. That is, your desires in the current situation and your desires in the event of great opportunities opening up to you. What items are repeated in both lists (and are included in item 3 of the second list)?
Now from your wish lists you need to choose the 10 most powerful, most important, and most important for you. Those that are of paramount importance to you at the moment. Of course, it's not that easy. But you will have to compare and choose what is more interesting and meaningful for you. Have you chosen? Very good.
Now, out of 10, choose 3. The very best.
Well, now, having understood what you want, you can begin to act. First, develop a plan, think through every step, and go ahead! Towards your dreams, success, happiness!
