How to become emotionally independent. How to be independent
At some point in your life, you may want to become financially independent from your parents (if you are still dependent). Perhaps in an instant you will simply feel the urgent need for this, just
At some point in your life, you may want to become financially independent from your parents (if you are still dependent). Perhaps in an instant you will simply feel the urgent need for this, you simply want to free yourself from the constant need to leave home only to return back with your tail between your legs and an empty wallet.
And every time yours parents they will again offer to pay your expenses, and you will have to accept this help, although you will all be indignant about this.
You will realize that you are not using your potential in life because you simply do not need it. You don't look for a permanent job, for example, because you know your mother will always be there to help you if you fail. And you don't try to keep your job if it becomes too difficult, boring or routine. And you quit again.
But by doing this you are not just taking advantage of your parents, you are blocking your own path to personal growth and development.
Your personal financial independence means not accepting help from your parents. This also means following your career so that you have a source of income. You may need to walk to and from work to save money on gas or a travel ticket. You may have to sleep on an uncomfortable couch in someone's hall, and sometimes you won't be able to eat for days until you get paid for your work.
Yes, you will face difficulties and the experience you have will seem humiliating to you, but having experienced all this once, you will learn the lesson and you will not have to repeat it. And it is through him that you will understand who you really are and what you are truly capable of, challenging yourself to become independent.
How to install financial independence
The relationship between a child and one of his parents is only one of many relationships that may require one or two individuals to develop a sense of dependence. Other examples would be romantic relationships or friendships.
While every relationship has its rough patches, I've learned that there are three general steps to independence: statement, separation, and reconnection.
State your intentions
The first step in this process is to assert your independence. Think of the statement stage as something that cuts the emotional umbilical cord. At this stage, you communicate your intention to become independent from the other person. This statement may be received with confusion, anger, sadness, and a variety of other emotions and reactions. Here are some things you need to remember when you declare your independence:
Communicate your message with confidence and assertiveness.
Keep it short and to the point.
Use phrases that begin with “I” to let others know that your decision is about you, not them.
You should not feel the need to justify or apologize for your decision.
Let go of the need to be responsible for other people's reactions.
The actual content of the message may be relatively simple. For example: “I am making some positive changes in my life, although they may not seem so easy to implement. I'm trying to take more responsibility for myself and my own life. I want to become more independent and understand who I really am. I depended on you (insert specific information) and I need to step back from this dependence, begin to understand myself more deeply. My decision is not a reflection of you. It's a statement about myself and where I am in my life. Therefore, for a period of time, I will be less connected with you.”
It is likely that you will be asked what specific period of time you are talking about. Simply answer that it will take you just as long as it takes to cultivate your independence and discover who you really are.
To separate means to create a certain boundary between you and another person. This can be done by separating physically, sexually, financially or emotionally. What you need is determined by the nature of your relationship.
If separation is physically impossible, limit the amount of time you spend talking or interacting with the person. Focus on setting healthy emotional boundaries and living within them.
After all, the purpose of separation is to allow you to see yourself more clearly and help you understand what you need for your own well-being. In the space that separation creates for you, you will allow your inner self to speak. Those factors that distracted you and were created by another person will begin to disappear: the needs, opinions, thoughts and feelings of another person. You will eventually be able to discern what is authentic, true and revealing to yourself.
You will realize the needs that you met through your dependence on another person, and you will find ways to fulfill these needs yourself. You may have depended on another person to motivate you, calm yourself, take your mind off your problems, or feel loved.
What do you do if the other person no longer fills that role in your life? You learn to take responsibility for motivation, reassurance and love. You can also begin to pay attention to those problems that you have been avoiding and ignoring. Separation allows you to truly experience your independence and regain power over your choices, behavior, beliefs, and the emotional footprint you create and leave behind.
Paradoxically, the more responsibility you take on, the more freedom you will have - the freedom to be yourself and live your life, realizing your own goals.
You may be asking the question, “How long should I go through the separation stage?”
It depends on the circumstances and the nature of the relationship between you and the other person. However, this stage should be long enough for you to identify and understand your own needs, opinions, thoughts and motivations, independent of other people. For some it may take several days, weeks, years or even decades. And some may determine during the separation stage that getting back into a relationship is not a wise choice, no matter how much time has passed.
Simple test: tune in to yourself. How do you feel when you think about or interact with this person? If they are still mostly negative or confusing, you may not be ready to reconnect with this person yet.
If you can't interact with this person without losing yourself, try to evaluate whether this person even deserves a place in your life?
Reconnect when you're ready
The final stage is the restoration of communication. This stage involves making new agreements and defining relationship roles in new ways. These roles must be clearly defined and accepted by both individuals.
Things to think about:
What behaviors are acceptable? Which ones are unacceptable?
What will you expect from each other?
What will be the consequences if the agreements are not respected?
Having and controlling consequences does not mean that you will try to control or manipulate the other person. Rather, it is an opportunity to clearly understand what works in a given situation and what does not. Once you communicate your expectations to other people, they have the opportunity to decide whether they agree with you or not. This process requires you to be completely sincere and honest. If something doesn't work for you and you accept it anyway, you are being dishonest to both yourself and the other person. This often leads to misunderstanding and hidden anger.
Make your intentions clear
Take your time and spend more time discovering your true self. Re-establish roles in your relationships and you will gain the financial independence you desire.
“The best helping hand is your own.” Swedish proverb
Many girls often wonder why be strong and independent if there is a strong male shoulder nearby? In fact, not everything is as simple as we would like. At all times, men were attracted to independent girls. Psychologists give the fair sex a number of tips to become interesting to a man.
Be yourself. You should never follow someone else's opinion if it does not coincide with yours. Do not be afraid to go against the wishes of your chosen one. This way, on the contrary, you will become more interesting to him.
Be independent. The relationship between a girl and a man should first and foremost be a partnership. Guys don't like dependent women.
Be well-groomed and beautiful. A girl's beauty should have not only external manifestations, but also internal ones. You cannot give reason, even for a moment, to doubt your beauty and harmony with yourself. Your behavior should emphasize irresistibility.
Don't sacrifice yourself for your relationship. If you have a meeting planned with friends or a girlfriend, do not cancel it because of the sudden change in plans of your chosen one. There is no need to give yourself entirely to a man.
Give up jealousy and its manifestations. Jealousy is a bad friend in a relationship. The big mistake of many girls is that they do not know how to control their jealous manifestations, which only pushes the guy away.
Learn not only to listen, but also to speak. Try to become a support for your man, do not criticize him, but on the contrary, strive in every possible way to support all his endeavors.
Make compromises. Don't overdo it with persistence. In any business, as well as in relationships, you need to see and feel the line.
Disrespect cannot be tolerated. A guy should respect you. You cannot turn a blind eye to manifestations of impolite behavior on the part of a man. He must fight for you, but in no case against you.
Set goals on your horizon. Remember, men love girls with ambitions, so don’t sit in one place, conquer the heights.
Recognize him as a man. Men like strong girls, but we must not forget that a girl should allow her chosen one to make decisions.
We hope you find these tips helpful. Don’t forget also that the stronger sex likes successful and prosperous girls!
Since ancient times, a man has been considered the main thing in everything. Be it profession, family or lifestyle. But in the modern world, house building has already lost its authority, and more and more often from the lips of a woman you can hear the question: “How to become independent?” Don’t wait until your husband allocates money for shopping, lets you go out with friends, or decides whether to play sports or try another hobby. Children, diapers and housekeeping are, of course, those things that rest on a woman’s fragile shoulders. But life shouldn’t pass you by! Burying your personality and talents for a man? Who told you such nonsense! In this article we will dispel all your doubts and explain how to become independent.
Dependence on a man - how to get rid of it?
Where does it all begin? Usually this is either the beginning of cohabitation, or marriage and again cohabitation. Career, personal time and space, which filled life before meeting a man, gradually fade into the background. New roles and responsibilities open up for a woman - housekeeping and everyday life, giving birth to children and raising them. Gradually, the woman begins to sacrifice herself for the sake of good relationships in the family, and begins to dissolve in the man and his life. This is where dependence on the husband begins. It carries within itself the character of sacrifice. Refusal of development and career in favor of children, husband and family - after all, a woman is sure that such a sacrifice will certainly be appreciated. But time passes, and emotional dependence gradually becomes material. After all, my career has gone down the drain! Scandals are gradually brewing: she is bored sitting at home, she doesn’t like that he comes home late and doesn’t pay attention to her, she doesn’t like that he gives her little money, etc. At the same time, a dependent woman begins to be afraid of losing a man who is already beginning to look around, depression begins, problems in relationships, dissatisfaction with her life and much more. But it all started with a banal sacrifice, albeit with good intentions. The only way out of this situation is to become independent!
The reasons why a woman begins to depend on her husband begin in childhood. The parents' mistakes in this case consisted of limiting freedom and initiative. Children who are often told by their parents: “if you love me, you will do as I say,” become dependent. Or vice versa: “if you love me, then you won’t do this.” Considering the fact that women subconsciously look for support and support in a man, a woman will automatically begin to sacrifice herself for the sake of his love. How to correct the situation and become one that bears the proud title of “independent woman”? Of course, you need to solve your psychological problems once and for all. You can do this as follows:
1. Start with a small exercise: close your eyes and imagine that you are sitting on a high mountain, and a long path stretches out in front of you below. She is your life. Look at it carefully, and try to analyze your behavior in some situations that you especially remember. Think back to times when you were proud of yourself, then to times when you did something you enjoy. After that, ask yourself a few questions and answer them honestly:
- What kind of relationship did I have with my parents?
- How often do I do what I want?
- Why am I afraid of losing my spouse?
- what will happen if I am left without a man?
2. Remember situations from childhood in which you were afraid to do something against the will of your parents. Convince yourself that as an adult you have the right to do as you please.
3. Think about what you want from your life? What goals and plans can you and want to set for yourself? Try to start implementing them without looking at other people's opinions or disapproval.
4. Remember that the best relationships exist only in those families where both spouses know their worth, do not depend on each other, do not try to change each other, but live in mutual respect, love and harmony. 
In any family there should not be a strong and a weak side. All responsibilities of the spouse should be divided in half. Even if at first it will be difficult for you to step out of the role of victim. Make it clear to your household that you have the right to personal time and personal interests. As soon as you start taking care of your own affairs in addition to your household, you will feel how light your soul becomes and see how quickly your family life will improve. Remember that only love and mutual respect in this world can work miracles. And personal space is your world, where you can no longer depend on anyone.
After marriage, especially with a wealthy man, you can often observe how a woman turns from strong and free into a housewife. Against the backdrop of the vivid feelings of the first years of married life, the realization that something has changed in life and not for the better does not come immediately. But after thoughts become clearer and the scales fall from your eyes, a logical question arises: how to become independent from your husband?
Men are mostly hunters and breadwinners. This role obliges a lot, so it is considered quite natural for them to strive for independence. But the psychology of men is structured in such a way that simply being independent is not enough for them; they certainly want their wife to depend on her husband.
Perhaps they believe that in this way it is easier to keep a woman near them. The form of dependence does not matter. Most often, a woman depends on a man morally or financially, and sometimes in the first and second ways at the same time. Transforming into a housewife who sees nothing beyond the bedroom, kitchen and children usually occurs in two scenarios.
The first is a direct statement that after marriage a woman should not work and her main occupation is providing comfort in the house (consider the place in the kitchen).
The second is more sophisticated. The husband gradually leads his wife to the idea that his beloved wife should not work somewhere, and he, as the breadwinner, will provide for her and the children. This is where domestic tyranny begins.
In such families, all the wives do is wash, wash, cook, look after the children and wear slippers in their teeth. Some see their happiness in this and are quite happy, but others are not attracted to the role of a full-time housekeeper.
How to become independent from your husband and not destroy your family?
The first thing you need to start with is to understand what kind of addiction you are in. If the issue is purely material, then you need to look for a job. Many may protest, saying that a woman was created to be loved and carried in her arms, and not to be harnessed to the yoke of a now truly working horse, having just freed herself from the family yoke.
You will have to disappoint such ladies - you will never become independent. Freedom is not only a privilege, but also a number of responsibilities. If you do not want to take them upon yourself, then it means that you are not striving for freedom, but simply for an idle life.
With moral dependence, the situation is somewhat different; in order to overcome it, you need to develop some strong-willed qualities in yourself. There are special trainings and courses for these purposes, but you can give some advice, following which will help not only take the first step towards freedom, but also grow as a person.
The first steps to gaining freedom
The first thing you need to do is really set a goal. Without a strong intention, there will be no result.
The second piece of advice is to put yourself in proper condition. A woman independent of her husband is a beautiful woman. It often happens that a woman stops taking care of herself during her daily routine. If you want to return that special attitude that your husband had towards you before, make an effort and become as bright as in the first days of your acquaintance.
An independent woman is not only a beautiful wrapper, but also something that hides inside. Undoubtedly, there are some subjects or topics that have always interested you, but due to lack of time you have always put them on the back burner, take up them immediately. Read more, share your thoughts, but not with your husband, but, for example, with your friends. Be sure to find a hobby outside the home.
For your man, you again must present some kind of mystery. Feel free to win your right to some personal affairs outside the walls of the apartment, but do not overdo it so that your other half does not begin to suspect you of something wrong.
Independence is a sign of a strong and independent personality. But achieving it is not very easy. Many women consider themselves independent, but are not. Others do not think about this characteristic of their personality, since they already have it.
The roots of addiction often lie in childhood, originating in strong and domineering parents who manipulate their child. Parents set conditions based on feelings (“if you love me, you will do this” or “if you love me, you will never do this”), and the child remains in this format of relationships for life. The fear of doing the wrong thing gives rise to the fear of making decisions. Independence is the ability not only to make informed choices, but also to take responsibility for them. People who do not possess this quality try to shift responsibility to someone else by any means. They gladly follow other people's advice, so that later they can easily blame the adviser for the problems that arise.
An independent person is able to assess the consequences and make a choice, weighing the pros and cons.
How to become independent from your parents
No matter how old you are, for your parents you will always be a little child. They worry about all the events happening in your life and try to make it as comfortable and safe as possible. Blaming them for caring is completely wrong, learn to make concessions. But you can’t let your parents completely control your life.
As a rule, the first attempts to gain independence from parents appear during adolescence. Teenagers are going through a crisis of development, are in search of themselves, and parental care seems completely unnecessary to them. They feel like adults and want to be treated accordingly.
But all dreams of “freedom from parents” are shattered by one single argument that almost all parents use - finances. It is impossible to become independent while living in your parents’ home and being fully supported by them. So there are only two options: tolerate addiction or look for ways to earn money. You don’t have to skip school and get a low-paying part-time job. You can agree with your parents to increase your pocket expenses in exchange for additional housework or help, for example, with neighbors.
If you build communication in this way, you will be able to achieve partial independence and not lose good relationships with your loved ones.
How to become independent from other people's opinions
Many girls are afraid of what others will say about them. Who these “others” are and why their opinion is so important is the main problem of independence. You need to decide which people's thoughts really matter to you. Create a mental circle consisting of the names of close friends and relatives, try to enlarge it as much as possible. Now think about whether all the people you remember are an authority for you. For example, your older sister is a great person, but she doesn’t know how to dress at all. Should you listen to her opinion when choosing a new dress?
Of course, close people sometimes try to put pressure on each other in order to protect them from dangers or disappointments. But can your friend, who has no experience in long-term relationships, give you useful advice in this area? Perhaps it would be better to discuss the problem with your mother?
So, the circle of close people is outlined, the areas in which they are experts for you are highlighted. What to do with other people: distant relatives, acquaintances, colleagues? Nothing. It is impossible to please absolutely everyone. No matter what you do, there will always be someone unhappy with your choice.
Of course, you need to focus on social rules and moral standards. For the rest, trust yourself and your loved ones. After all, your father’s opinion is much more important to you, and not your neighbor on the third floor.
Don't refuse advice; you may hear interesting ideas and reconsider your position. But don't follow these tips blindly, otherwise you will never achieve independence.
How to become independent from a man
A relationship with a loved one is always an addiction. But she must be “normal”. You shouldn’t get carried away with your opinion and make important decisions without discussing them with your “other half.” A couple must exist as a single organism. Otherwise, there is a high risk of losing your loved one.
But you shouldn’t completely dissolve in your man. You must clearly understand where his opinion is and where your opinion is. If your views on the problem and its solution do not coincide, then it is necessary to discuss the issue.
Many women happily agree to take care of the house and give up their careers in order to have a child later. But the children grow up, the woman becomes bored. And a man is not very interested in listening to how his wife spent the whole day cleaning or (even worse) watching TV series.
Find yourself a job, even if it doesn’t bring you much income, but you will know that you are guaranteed financial independence.
