How to overcome a lack of self-confidence in certain situations. How self-doubt manifests itself

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“I’m ugly,” “I won’t succeed,” “Everything is lost” - these and similar phrases can often be heard from people who don’t love themselves. Psychologists call this behavior toxic, because it can poison the life not only of those who are always unsure of themselves, but also of everyone around them. That is why a relationship with such a person is a real test of strength. After all, the partner has to console, inspire and instill confidence, instead of enjoying life.

We are in website We decided to figure out why it’s so difficult to love people who don’t love themselves, and now we know exactly why it’s so difficult to live with them.

1. They absorb all your emotions and demand new ones.

People who do not love themselves need constant confirmation of love for them from other people. They see a catch, a secret meaning in every word, look and deed. And this is not a bad character: it is really difficult for an insecure person to figure out whether they are confessing to him sincerely or just to appease him.

It is very difficult to communicate with someone who sees only the bad in everything. Perhaps at first the ardent lover will take on the role of a fairy-tale prince who will console the eternal crybaby, but very soon he will run out of steam. Because she wants to be good and listen to sweet speeches to herself, which she begins to demand in huge quantities. A little carried away by what he was doing - and she was already crying.

2. They only talk about themselves and their feelings.

Insecure people often combine two opposite qualities - they do not love themselves, but at the same time they are extremely selfish. Ideally, a relationship between two people is a dialogue that is conducted on equal terms. But not in this case. Complexity makes a person think and talk only about himself. This type of person can mentally devastate even the most patient partner.

3. Negative emotions are brighter for them.

An insecure person suspects that in reality he is of little value. But it is too unpleasant to engage in self-deprecation all the time, so he is often busy devaluing and belittling everything that surrounds him. The doctors at the clinic are fools, the store clerks are rude, the friend’s wife is scary, and the friend himself is a drunk. And he, among all this disgrace, is even nothing. Therefore, support and sympathy are required from the partner for having to live among all this rabble. Well, praise and admiration for the fact that he is such a great guy.

4. Prone to cheating

Truly confident people do not need unnecessary confirmation of their own irresistibility. They already know this, because confidence lives inside - it does not need replenishment from the outside.

The situation is completely different for those who are not used to love and self-care. Their self-esteem depends on others. Doubts about their own beauty force them to look for love on the side. They enroll anyone who shows sympathy for them into their circle of confidants and jump headlong into the whirlpool of “passion.” And a permanent partner will always have something to blame for - usually that he does not give enough love.

5. They constantly prove something to the whole world and to themselves.

Researchers say that people who are overly critical of themselves have a neurotic personality type. They are restless and anxious for no reason. They are also always dissatisfied with themselves and those around them, and this pushes them to constantly search for an ideal - a new job that will be better than the previous one, or to buy worthless things and unnecessary acquaintances. It seems that they are constantly forced to prove to themselves and the whole world that they are, in fact, not bad guys. It is unlikely that life with such a person will be calm and measured.

6. They are jealous and check

Blind jealousy is the lot of insecure people. It is impossible for someone who does not love himself to believe that his partner has real feelings for him. Sometimes relationships turn into an endless search for a catch. This is a completely painful situation, because because of doubts in love, the jealous person begins real surveillance, and there is a high risk that you will get yourself a real domestic tyrant. And no assurances of fidelity will help: such a person will always have few of them.

7. They don’t live for today

People who are insecure are sometimes called childish, sometimes lazy, but one thing is clear: they do not want to take responsibility for their lives, giving their partner this “honorable duty.” Fear of the future does not allow them to plan their lives further than a month or two. And regrets about the past pull you back and prevent you from living a real life. In any case, such people are unadapted to life, which “for some reason” must be lived.

8. Become addicted

There is an emptiness inside a constantly dissatisfied partner. There are no interests absorbing attention and time, no responsibility, no worries about tomorrow. Therefore, he will definitely try to fill the emptiness inside himself with the help of his lover, drawing out from him more and more declarations of love, admiration, gifts, promises to be together forever and assurances of fidelity. In the end, this is exhausting, because it is impossible to be everything for a person - a friend, a partner and a “vest”.

• Sometimes parents unknowingly impose their fears on us or set high expectations. This often makes us unsure of our abilities.
• We shouldn’t blame our parents; they wanted the best for us. We have grown up and now we can take responsibility for our own lives.

Self-doubt and excessive shyness, as a rule, are rooted in childhood. Parents have a huge influence on a child's sense of self. They become a kind of mirror that praises, reflecting a beautiful picture, and criticizes, revealing flaws. The way our parents and other adults “reflect” us is imprinted on our psyche and influences the formation of our ideas about ourselves. Understanding how our parents influenced the development of self-confidence or shyness in each of us is the first step in restoring our self-esteem.

Self-doubt can be a defining characteristic of a person, but most often it manifests itself only in certain aspects of life. You are a confident professional, but you have problems communicating with friends and building close relationships... You cope well with the tasks given to you by your superiors, but lose ground when you need to raise the issue of a salary increase... Try to be as specific as possible Identify those areas of your life that are affected by your lack of self-confidence. This will help you better understand where the problem is rooted.

Self-doubt is always a product of a person's personal history

We are not born shy, too timid or anxious, we acquire these traits throughout our lives, encountering different situations and people, gaining one or another experience. Our relationships with parents and other adults are key to developing a sense of self - confident or not. You should not completely shift responsibility for your own neuroses and psychological problems to your parents. At the same time, there are several behavioral patterns that have a potential threat to a child’s self-esteem.

1. Swap your parents' dreams for your own.

“How clumsy you are!” - says the mother of her five-year-old daughter, looking irritably at the joyful, childishly plump child. The mother once dreamed of becoming a ballerina, but it didn’t work out, and now she consoles herself with the hope that at least her daughter will become the next Maya Plisetskaya.

Parents sometimes cannot resist and project onto their children their dreams of success, happiness or wealth: where they failed, their children will certainly succeed. Dreams in themselves have nothing wrong with them. However, often the wishes of the child themselves are not taken into account at all. Parents see in him only a future “champion”, a more successful version of themselves and are not ready to accept him for who he is. At this moment, a seed of doubt arises in the child’s mind: “Am I good enough? What do I need to do to be loved if simply being myself is clearly not enough?

A little later, the parents realize that their dreams will not come true. Instead of understanding themselves, they see the cause of disappointment in an imperfect child. As a result, children end up with self-doubt, as well as feelings of guilt and shame for not meeting parental expectations. Subsequently, these feelings can manifest themselves in any area of ​​life - at work, in friendships, in personal life, in a person’s attitude towards his own body.

Perhaps right now you're still trying to be your parents' picture of success. Try to separate your parents' wishes from your own and take the first step towards what you have dreamed of since childhood.

2. Seek support in difficult situations

“My father always told me that I would definitely succeed in everything,” recalls Ekaterina. - Only now I understand that this was a form of rejection of my difficulties. My father had financial problems at the time, and he didn’t want to worry about me either. Now I have a little daughter growing up myself, and I don’t want to make his mistakes. In order for her to grow up to be confident, I need to be very attentive to the slightest signs of her shyness, such as her inability to make friends or fear of giving oral answers at school.” Often parents, absorbed in their own problems, may not notice that the child also has difficulties.

Growing up, such people suffer from general self-doubt: having no experience of support in alarming and difficult situations, they do not trust either themselves or the world. Their relationships with others are filled with fear of intimacy, mistrust and uncertainty that anyone is able to take them seriously.

Try to start trusting others, at least in small ways. Once you experience how life-saving support can be, it will become easier to overcome uncertainty.

3. Find the courage to take risks.

“We will never buy you a scooter, you will get into an accident.” For anxious parents, life is completely dangerous. This is why they tend to be overprotective of their children. This feeling of pervasive anxiety turns out to be very contagious! If parents are constantly battling imaginary dangers, their children are likely to internalize this mistrust of the world. The child begins to avoid any activity, especially those associated with emotional or physical risks. As a result, the necessary social skills are simply not trained, and the person gains self-doubt and self-doubt.

Anxiety can easily transform into fear of meeting new people or fear of being in charge. The resulting inhibitions and habitual fears can also manifest themselves in those areas of life that are not directly related to the original cause of anxiety - in problems at work, in relationships with friends and with a loved one.

The world is not as dangerous as your parents told you. You've probably wanted to try something for a long time, but didn't dare - perhaps now is the right time.

4. You are definitely capable of more.

Maria's parents always had pessimistic views on life. They never allowed their daughter to even dream of a prosperous and successful life. On the contrary, they instilled in her that “every cricket should know its nest,” “one should enjoy little things and not demand more from life.” As an adult, Maria never dared to go to college or quit her unfulfilling job.

Our internal ideas force us to change, grow and look for ways to develop. But to build these ideas, we need parents who will encourage us to listen to our desires.

Parents have their own path in life. Perhaps when they were young, changing jobs really was too much of a shock. But you don't have to inherit their fears and insecurities. You have your own life, in which there are many opportunities to become happier.

5. You don’t have to live up to your parents’ ideals.

“My daughter is completely unique. She is talented, smart, and also beautiful,” says the proud mother, introducing her daughter to her friends. And the little frightened girl at this moment wants only one thing: to fall through the ground! Excessive praise can be just as damaging to a child's self-esteem as devaluing remarks. Praise and compliments do not allow the child to form his own vision of himself and his potential. He is forced to compare his own self-image with the unattainable ideal depicted by his parent.

In adulthood, a person will suffer from a feeling of personal failure and emptiness. After all, no matter how hard he tries, the ideals drawn by his parents turn out to be an unbearable burden.

Try to accept yourself as imperfect. In the end, everyone has advantages and disadvantages.

6. Feel free to rejoice in your good fortune.

Unfortunately, there are some parents who see their own children as competitors whose success can supposedly overshadow their own. Usually such people themselves are too childish or have unresolved psychological problems.

The child’s psyche registers such desires of the parents and can react to them in different ways. Often the child develops psychosomatic diseases. In this case, “flight” into illness may be a symbolic expression of the desire for security, which the child never had.
Another scenario is that a child quickly understands that his parents are only able to truly rejoice at his failures... And no matter what such a person does, he will unconsciously strive for failure everywhere: in work, study, family. Fears, prohibitions and anxieties received in childhood will help him “succeed” in this.

The relationship between children and parents plays a key role in developing a child's self-confidence. It is important to remember that an emotionally dysfunctional childhood, although it can be an obstacle to achieving success, is not an insurmountable obstacle. When you were a child, your parents' words and actions had a huge impact on you, but that is no longer the case. You are an independent adult, you are fully capable of creating a happy future for yourself, and only you will be responsible for how it turns out.

7. Don't blame your parents

Susan Jeffers, author of Be Afraid...But Take Action! How to turn fear from an enemy into an ally,” offers her own way to gain self-confidence. We need to accept that fear is an integral part of our lives, and turning it into confidence is a task for each of us. “Gaining self-confidence begins when you can say: “I’m not going to blame my parents or my classmates at school who bullied me. I'm going to take responsibility for my life here and now,” says Jeffers.

To gain self-confidence, it is important to understand that everyone inevitably faces setbacks and failures. At the same time, it depends only on us whether we can gain some experience from this or fall into the abyss of self-deprecation and self-doubt.

None of life's lessons can be entirely negative. “Imagine going for a job interview and not getting hired. What's next? You can blame yourself for not making a good enough impression, or you can look at the situation from a different angle. What lesson can you learn from this experience? Have you prepared well enough? Is there anything you could have done differently to get this position? Was this job really the one you wanted? Look for meaning in what happened, rather than become depressed. If you allow yourself to become discouraged, you will not learn anything from the situation.”

Look for new activities that will bring you joy and satisfaction.

There is an opinion that if a person is too dependent on work or relationships, he is not confident in himself. Jeffers agrees: “When the one thing you depend on falls apart, your life inevitably becomes empty. To maintain self-confidence, it is very important to make your life eventful and rich in impressions and events.”

Start with what works. This will give you confidence. Look for new activities that will bring you joy and satisfaction. Imperceptibly, you will find that your abilities no longer seem so limited to you, and you feel confident in your own abilities.

Self-doubt as a personality quality is a tendency to show inner fear, lack of faith in oneself and one’s strengths, inability to make decisions, express a sense of confidence (an internal feeling of strength and rightness) and confident behavior.

The phenomenon of the “Jewish mother” is well known, who dotes on her child and from the cradle inspires the baby: “Izya, you are a genius!” If the teacher speaks badly about her child, she says: “Izya! We were not understood here. Let's go to another school." The Russians nag: “Ivan, you’re a fool.” They raise a child like a mischievous cat: “Don’t interfere, don’t yell, you’ll spoil it, I’ll kill you!” Why are you so fat, you bastard? Go play with the ball!” And then they wonder why there are so many Jews among scientists, cultural figures, bankers and chess players. The secret is simple: self-confident people grow up as a natural result of respectful upbringing. Self-doubt stems from mistakes in upbringing.

The child imitates the reactions of insecure, helpless parents to life events. Until the age of six, his mind is not able to critically process incoming information. Direct and indirect harmful suggestions, beliefs, psychological attitudes, prejudices, misconceptions and thought patterns of parents, filled with self-doubt, directly enter the child’s subconscious. From this garbage of uncertainty a bizarre bouquet is formed - a system of his ideas about life. Direct harmful suggestions are phrases like: “you don’t deserve to have this”, “that’s not a hat for Senka”, « you won’t succeed”, “don’t even try”, “what are you doing”, “you’ll be a fool all your life and put it against the wall.” Indirect harmful suggestions: « at least whatever job you need so that you don’t die of hunger.” ( implicit suggestions : “you won’t find a decent job”, “you may die of hunger”), “You don’t need any kind of husband” ( implicit suggestions : “You’re ugly”, “You won’t find a good husband”), and other insidious phrases in the same spirit. In other words, uncertainty is not an innate quality. Uncertainty is a product of human socialization.

And so, such an insecure creature steps into the adult world. But it cannot achieve its goal due to lack of faith in itself. Since childhood, it has realized that all its actions are doomed to failure. Presenting itself as a small person, a bug, it overestimates the outside world. For example, he has a goal to go to university. Not believing in its capabilities, on the one hand, and trembling before the authority of the university, on the other, it falls into a stupor, into a stupor. The external significance of entering the university causes agonizing anticipation, and the internal significance is filled with a lack of faith in one’s capabilities. Having merged, they turn into uncertainty. All energy goes into worry, anxiety and fear. There is no energy left for exams.

Uncertainty is confidence, diluted with fear and awe of the significance of the outside world. In the Canadian TV series Being Erica, the hero says: “Insecurity is in all of us. That inner voice that tells us that we can't do something, that we're not good, that we should not even try. And when we listen to this voice, we restrain ourselves, and we don’t even realize it. Because we are afraid to take risks, to dare to challenge our fears and see what we are truly capable of.”

Uncertainty is caused by two main reasons: internal - fear and external - reverence for the external, an inflated assessment of objects and phenomena of the surrounding world - importance. Uncertainty is laced with fear. For example, a person is afraid to swim (fear), thinking that he will not succeed (uncertainty). Or another example: a person wants to take a walk in the evening, but feels insecure due to cases of hooliganism in the area. Having learned that the streets of the area were patrolled by the police, the fear disappeared, and the uncertainty along with it.

Any person experiences uncertainty and a certain discomfort when being outside their area of ​​competence. For example, an oligarch’s beloved dog became seriously ill. He is literally “shaking with confidence.” Of course, there was no trace of confidence left. Fear and uncertainty appeared. He found himself in a turbulent zone of uncertainty. And so he calls the best veterinarian. A veterinarian is a person who is insecure about his financial affairs, but a true professional in his field. And so it turns out: the veterinarian in the field of finance experiences uncertainty in comparison with the oligarch, and the oligarch experiences uncertainty in the field of medicine, where the veterinarian feels confident.

Uncertainty is confidence with the opposite sign. Like confidence, it depends not only on fear, but also on external factors and circumstances. We try to prove to ourselves and the world our own importance. This takes the lion's share of our energy. When you give up the desire to stick out and prove to everyone that you are so good and important, and simply calmly treat your importance, those around you will involuntarily feel it. Your self-esteem and self-importance will be equal to the assessment of others. Others have a sixth sense of your importance.

Over an insecure person, that is, a person with low self-esteem, the importance of everything external hangs like the sword of Damocles. The situation gets worse if there is also a feeling of guilt involved. Since childhood, insecurity feeds on guilt and drags it along with it, like a repeat offender with a criminal record. Hence the feeling of inferiority, inferiority and unworthiness. With such baggage, life goes on sluggishly, indecisively and incompetently. At the same time, manipulators flock to feelings of guilt like flies to a trash heap. By playing on feelings of guilt, they force you to make excuses and prove something. You lose energy and increase your insecurity, and they assert themselves at your expense. It is absolutely impossible to make excuses to others.

Tell yourself: “I have every right to be myself: to rejoice and grieve, to make mistakes, to commit actions that are “wrong” from the point of view of others, to defend myself if I am insulted. I have the right to have and express my feelings, assessments and opinions without making excuses or apologizing. I have the right to set my own priorities and remain myself, despite the opinions of others. Say no without feeling guilty."

Nobody has the right to judge you. Send the manipulators away. Remember: your significance is not subject to trial . This is the only way you will get rid of the painful feeling of guilt. In other words, by stopping fighting for your importance and giving up the desire to make excuses, you will resolve issues of your inner importance. It manifests itself in two forms: anxiety about one’s own importance and feelings of guilt.

You don't owe anyone anything and you don't owe anything to anyone. You love your family. Take care of her conviction and perform your duties conscientiously. Coercion and persuasion are two very different things. There is no obligation or compulsion in persuasion. To everyone who encroaches on your personal boundaries, say: “I don’t have to be an angel. All people are not sinless. I don’t have to live up to the expectations of others, tear my veins and sacrifice my Self for the sake of others.”

In addition to the internal, it is also necessary to deal with external importance, which manifests itself in the uncertainty and complexity of problems. The saying “It’s always better where we are not” comes from this series. There is no need to exaggerate the importance of objects in the surrounding world. This causes concern and anxiety. For example, you want to get a job, but you consider yourself unworthy of the desired position - self-doubt makes itself felt. Fighting for a position is not your method or style of behavior. You will worry, worry and steadily slide into depression. These emotions will consume all your energy. If you consciously throw off the aura of importance from the desired position and understand that it is not the gods who burn the pots, you will most likely take this position. It turns out that in order to achieve a position for which you are fully qualified, you only had to reduce the importance of the position. The energy that was previously mercilessly spent on experiencing one’s worthlessness is now spent on unobtrusively presenting one’s best qualities to the employer.

Even animals can be caught exaggerating the importance of objects in the external world. On TV they told a story about a thoroughbred stallion who could not be mated with a mare. They looked for the most beautiful mares for him, and every time the stallion gave in to them. Then some doc understood everything. He smeared the beautiful mare with mud, and the stallion quickly mounted her. The thing is that the stallion was shy in front of beauty, and when it was smeared and smeared with dirt, he realized that he himself was no worse or even better. Men sometimes talk almost like horses.

Often, an insecure person seeks confirmation of his own importance in the outside world through boorish and arrogant behavior. For this purpose, he can humiliate others and behave aggressively. Boors and insolent people are insecure people. In order to somehow assert themselves, to prove their importance to themselves, they begin to show arrogance and rudeness.

As for uncertainty: operating in an unstable environment and not having full information about future events, we are all forced to somehow manage risks. It is not the reality of what is happening that destroys us, but the uncertainty of this reality. Uncertainty is impossible to cope with. Take the field of business or finance. Business is a risk. If we don’t take risks, it means we won’t earn anything. Those who don’t take risks, as you know, don’t drink champagne and don’t sit in jail. You need to treat uncertainty calmly, as an inevitable given. We are all in the same conditions on the same boat of life. The main thing is to drop the importance, and the uncertainty will disappear.

Peter Kovalev

Noun, number of synonyms: 3 timidity (23) timidity (26) shyness (7) ... Dictionary of synonyms

Self-doubt- - fear of taking any action. required actions due to doubts in one’s strengths, capabilities, abilities to carry them out successfully, fear of failure. Wed. sensitivity, self-confidence... Encyclopedic Dictionary of Psychology and Pedagogy

UNCERTAINTY, uncertainty, plural. no, female distracted noun to unsure; behavior, state of insecurity. Self-doubt. Ushakov's explanatory dictionary. D.N. Ushakov. 1935 1940 ... Ushakov's Explanatory Dictionary

uncertainty- in what. It cost me a lot to overcome self-doubt in success (Aksakov) ... Control Dictionary

Uncertainty- a negative moral and ethical quality of a person, expressing doubt, indecision, distrust of oneself and one’s judgments. This quality grows in conditions of incomplete information and unclear, undefined goals. In this state the subject... ... Fundamentals of spiritual culture (teacher's encyclopedic dictionary)

AND; and. Lack of confidence. N. in yourself. N. in success. There was n in the voice... Encyclopedic Dictionary

uncertainty- And; and. Lack of confidence. Lack of self-confidence. Lack of confidence in success. There was uncertainty in the voice... Dictionary of many expressions

CLIENT'S LACK OF CONFIDENCE IN HIMSELF- the client’s lack of confidence in his strengths and capabilities that he is able to successfully cope with his life problems... Glossary of terms for psychological counseling

self confidence- the subject’s readiness to solve quite complex problems, and the level of aspirations does not decrease due to fears of failure alone. If the level of ability is significantly lower than that required for the intended action, then overconfidence occurs. Dictionary… … Great psychological encyclopedia

Self-confidence training: individual or group training in confident behavior in official, formal and interpersonal relationships. Historically, the first self-confidence training program is considered to be conditionally... ... Wikipedia

One of the psychotherapeutic methods adjacent to behavioral psychotherapy. Fensterheim H., author of the book “Don’t Say Yes When You Want to Say No,” behavioral psychotherapist and psychologist, believes that training... ... Psychotherapeutic Encyclopedia

Books

• Goodbye shyness! A Practical Guide to Overcoming Shyness and Developing Self-Confidence, Lowndes Leil. Self-doubt is our main enemy, the main source of our troubles and failures in life. In this book, Leil Lowndes, bestselling author of How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You and How to Talk to Anyone and...
• Goodbye shyness: 85 ways to overcome shyness and gain self-confidence, Lowndes L.. Self-doubt is our main enemy, the main source of our troubles and failures in life. In her new book, Leil Lowndes, bestselling author of How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You and How to Talk to Anyone...

Do you feel like you've already read all the books and watched all the TV shows on the topic, but still lack confidence? Maybe you have been fighting this problem all your life and have already lost faith in victory? You're not the first to feel like you'll never get rid of your lack of self-confidence. Fortunately, increasing your self-confidence is entirely possible if you focus on your natural worth and potential as a person.

Steps

Build Your Confidence

Develop your strengths. We usually get feedback when something goes wrong. Therefore, we often focus on the negative without noticing the positive. Instead of trying to overcome your weaknesses, focus your energy on developing your natural talents.

• After analyzing your strengths, create a strategic plan for how you can use them for your success. Success in any field increases self-confidence.
• For example, if you are naturally good at drawing, you can practice and hone these skills in your free time. When you get a chance to show off your talent, such as taking part in a school poster competition or other play activities, you will be more confident in yourself and will be able to offer your services because you already know that you are good at it.

1. Change your language. Learn to change that inner voice that says in your head: “You’re not good enough” or “You can’t do this.” When you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk like this, start changing those statements about yourself.

   • For example, in response to thoughts like “you're not good enough,” you can reflect on how you've already proven yourself to be good and effective in some area.
   • If you find yourself engaging in negative self-talk, try to turn the negative thoughts into positive ones.

2. Set yourself small SMART goals and strive to achieve them. When we prepare properly to achieve our goals, it increases our self-confidence. You can set goals for yourself in a variety of areas of life: study, work, basketball, singing, writing, and so on. When you achieve your goals, you will automatically receive effective feedback and strive to achieve new ones. Start small and gradually increase the size and complexity of your goals as your confidence grows. Goals that promote self-confidence should be:

   • S specific - specific
   • M easurable - measurable
   • A ctionable - executable
   • R ealistic - realistic
   • T ime-bound - tied to deadlines
   • E xciting - inspiring
   • R ecorded – recorded, or recorded.

3. Be polite to others. Be polite at all costs. Being kind to others does not require special knowledge or strength, but your actions will benefit you immeasurably. It's safe to say that being kind to others helps us live longer, be more successful at work, reduce stress and feel happier.

   Dress to feel good. The clothes you wear can either make you glare at the mirror or blush with pleasure at your appearance. Whatever you wear, remember that clothes can affect your self-confidence. Therefore, choose a set of clothes so that it matches the image that you would like to show to the world.

   How to overcome a lack of self-confidence in certain situations

   1. Don't refuse invitations. Sometimes low self-esteem leads us to try to isolate ourselves from other people. Fear of rejection or embarrassment makes us turn down opportunities to connect with people. Unfortunately, people around us can form the wrong opinion and conclude that we don’t like them or are not interested in communicating with them. Sooner or later they will stop inviting us.

      • If you are invited to a party or some meeting, say yes, do not refuse. Of course, you won't be able to attend every event you're invited to, but if you can go, try to do so.
      • If you say yes, then the inviter understands that you are interested in a relationship.
      • Moreover, the more experience you gain in communication, the more your self-confidence increases. Even if you feel embarrassed or out of place at first, take on the challenge and attend the event.

   2. Visualize your success. Visualization is a powerful tool used by athletes and other successful people. On the eve of a stressful situation - be it a party where you don't know anyone, an important presentation or an important match - imagine how well you handle it. Paint yourself a picture of yourself confidently walking into a party and greeting the first group of people you meet there; imagine yourself at a presentation that you give without errors and answer all questions with ease; try to see yourself at the game at the moment when you throw the ball into the basket, score a goal or a touchdown.

      Admire other people as you communicate. Low self-esteem is often fueled by self-obsession. This tendency to pay too much attention to yourself only increases negative feelings. Try to focus attention not on yourself, but on those around you. Enter into a conversation, try to find out as much as possible about your interlocutor. People will appreciate your interest, and you will be able to break through your reflection.

   3. Watch the socialites. Each of us is familiar with several masters of communication. These people know how to listen to you so carefully that you might think you are the most interesting person in this room. On the other hand, they know how to conduct a conversation and maintain intrigue in it.

      • If you find yourself at a social event, observe how such masters behave. Do they stand in the corner and wait to be noticed so they can start a conversation? What does their body language express? How much do they talk and how much do they listen?
      • It is clear that there is no need to change and imitate another person. However, there are a few tactics you can learn from outgoing people to help you deal with these situations.

   4. Learn to tolerate situations in which you are rejected. Rejection is an integral part of life. Even those who, as it seems to us, feel like fish in water in society, are rejected by someone. It doesn’t matter in what situation you experienced a refusal: you weren’t hired, you weren’t accepted into some organization, the person you were interested in didn’t pay attention to you - be that as it may, you can always find a way to survive these unpleasant feelings.

      • Be reasonable. If you know that your chances of getting a job, position or other desired benefits are negligible, you can still try to get what you want. But at the same time, you should admit that the situation is not in your favor and you risk being rejected.
      • Try to improve your chances by applying to several places at once for several positions. If the chances of success are low, try to increase them by adding more wood to the fire. Don't place all your bets on one thing. Have several backup options. This will protect your self-esteem in the event that you get rejected or rejected.
      • Don't take rejection personally. If you ask someone for information or try to get a job, then refusal does not mean that there is something wrong with you. This is not a personal dislike. Consider that everyone has different preferences and you may not fit their unique requirements. Remember that every door you close brings you closer to the one that is open to you and meets your needs.