Unbalanced people. Rules for communicating with mentally ill people

Good afternoon My husband and I have been married for 10 years, it all started when I was pregnant with my first children, now we have a 9-year-old son and an 8-month-old daughter. When I was pregnant, he didn’t allow me to go anywhere, he said about my mother, forget her, in her last words I called her names because she was drinking with me. ONCE I went to see a friend, he called me and scolded me for wandering around... And now he’s been lashing out at his son for 9 years, if he doesn’t fight or doesn’t understand at once, then he can spank him hard with a belt, hit him on the back and even kick him naked... and my 8 month old daughter sees it all... for 20 years he has been like that and remained so... I have already left him twice and come back... he snaps at me, screams, says that I’m stupid, when I work, he says he doesn’t see money from me... a piece of sausage can make you whip up... I cry more often than I laugh.. only the children keep me, because my mother drinks, her apartment is ruined, I’m now on maternity leave. needles...

In a relationship with a person prone to tyranny, only one behavior option is possible in order to avoid being a victim - developing your confident behavior.

Read about it here: http://psiholog-dnepr.com.ua/be-your-own-therapist/diary-confidence
And here: http://psiholog-dnepr.com.ua/therapeutic-group/ya-mogu

With uv. Kiselevskaya Svetlana, psychologist, master's degree (Dnepropetrovsk).

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But why do you live with him? For what? Out of fear? or from some other feeling?

After all, you somehow chose it for yourself. How do you choose? from what feelings? from what intentions?

You live with such a man for 20 years and leave everything as it is. For what?

And what happened that you suddenly decided to seek help?

There is an assumption that your psyche is also somehow damaged and not protected. Accordingly, if you don’t take care of yourself, psychologically, your children will get all this experience of domestic violence and... it won’t be easy for them either.

It is not clear whether you have the resources to begin taking care of yourself.

I sympathize with you. It is possible to get out of the current state of affairs, but it will not be easy and you definitely need the help of a specialist - a Gestalt therapist - in your city.

and another topic - http://mestoravnovesiya.wordpress.com/2013/08/30/learned-helplessness/#more-2151

Elvira Sikorskaya Psychologist, certified Gestalt therapist, Tomsk

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Katya, what suits you in such a life? What do you return to after leaving your husband? How exactly do children hold? I assume that your husband still provides for you, that your apartment is not “destroyed”, that everyone is fed and dressed. Of course, it’s scary to leave if you already have some comfort. It’s not clear where to go and what to do if you refuse this option.

From the question you get the feeling that you need to rely on other people, is the option of coping on your own not even considered? And in general, you somehow have too few alternatives: a tyrant husband or drinking mom. Have you considered friends or specialized crisis centers for women as an option for support?

I suspect that what you received and continue to receive from your husband actually seems to you the lesser evil. than an independent, unequipped and much less comfortable life. Well. then the need to endure domestic violence- your price for comfort and the opportunity not to take decisive action. Do you agree that your children pay it too? Are beatings and kicks worth the opportunity to live in your own apartment, and not on the street, and eat sausage? This is the importance of choice - you now have to make a decision not only for yourself.

In any case, don't forget. that there are crisis centers and helplines where they can help you for free, look for options.

Bolgova Anna Vladimirovna, psychologist Tomsk

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Instructions

IN Soviet era The law provided for the forced isolation of patients with schizophrenia and other mental disorders. Appointed medical examination and, if a person was truly ill, he was treated in a specialized institution. But now it is quite difficult to insist on hospitalization of a mentally unstable family member if you are not a close relative.

Therefore, if it so happens that you live under the same roof with a psychotic, work on your behavior in order to minimize the risk of aggression on his part. Unbalanced people are dangerous because of their unpredictability. Therefore, you need to be constantly on your guard. Even an accidental and completely harmless collision or touch can cause aggression in an unstable person.

If you feel that the patient’s behavior is changing for the worse, it is better to leave the apartment or, if this is not possible, distract the person’s attention with his favorite topics. Usually relatives already know what can calm the “psycho.” Some people are immediately distracted when they turn on cartoons, others when they hear music.

You also need to remember that people susceptible to manic-depressive psychosis practically do not feel pain. That is, it is better not to use force and gas canisters, you will only enrage the sick person. If he intends to make a direct confrontation with you, run away and call for help. But it is not always possible to be saved in this way, therefore, in as a last resort, you can use self-defense techniques to neutralize and bind the aggressor.

Of course, always try to avoid conflict and behave as kindly and calmly as possible. Take care of maintaining a healthy environment in the family, do not quarrel or swear with other household members, because a mentally unstable person can fly into a frenzy from loud screams.

Sources:

• Beware of seasonal psychos
• mentally unstable person

Relationships with relatives are of a completely different nature than with other people. They have known you throughout your life, you have been through a lot together, and your communication occurs on a different level.

Instructions

Respect your family, this feeling plays a huge role in relationships between relatives. In any situation, do not forget that these people have known you all your life and together you have gone through many difficulties. Despite some points on which you fundamentally disagree, try to remain respectful of other people's opinions.

Be tolerant. Patience is another important point in family communication. Conflicts can happen daily until someone finally becomes a little more tolerant of other relatives. Try to take into account problems at work, personal troubles and other factors that affect the mood of your family members. Understand them, put yourself in someone else's shoes, and communication will become much more pleasant.

Know how to forgive. What can you not hear from the lips of relatives in rare moments of anger. You have a choice - to be offended for the rest of your life and stop communicating, or to forgive and continue to live.

Speak openly. Feel free to voice your complaints to your family members. Naturally, your words should not contain aggression. But always carefully consider whether it is worth starting a scandal - perhaps your small claim can be held back until better times, because it may be taken more seriously than you expect.

Meet more often. It happens that work, friends and other circumstances alienate members of the same family from each other. Break the vicious circle, offer to get together on a holiday or on a regular day off. Introduce new traditions (for example, celebrating every birthday among your relatives).

Don't forget the older generations. There is nothing worse than lonely old people abandoned by their relatives. Visit your grandparents, drop by your mothers for tea more often.

Video on the topic

Useful advice

Be sincerely interested important events in the lives of your relatives. Listen to stories to the end, without interrupting or reducing the conversation to yourself.

A mentally ill person does not perceive reality quite adequately and has behavioral deviations. Communication with such people may also deviate from existing standards. The main thing to remember is that a person not only behaves abnormally, he is sick.

Instructions

Treat the mentally ill with love. After all, it’s not his fault that he’s in trouble. And although it will undoubtedly be very difficult for you, try to restrain yourself and continue to respect him. Don't talk to him in a dismissive and condescending tone, even if you have to ask him for something many times.

Maintain a certain distance. Don’t be offended by his actions, because he doesn’t do them on purpose. Treat negative behavior as a symptom of illness.

Be calm. Understand that it inappropriate behavior is the result of a severe mental disorder. During periods of exacerbation, the patient's feelings may be very intense, so do not yell at him. At such moments, he simply will not be able to understand everything that you are trying to convey to him. Your calmness will help him cope with anxiety, confused thoughts and improve mental state. Conflict and quarrel, on the contrary, can cause a relapse.

Learn to recognize and respond correctly to them. If anger and irritability are a feature of the disease, do not argue with him or limit communication altogether for a while. When it is closed, start. If you have difficulty concentrating, repeat what was said and speak in short phrases. Don’t support delusional beliefs, but don’t argue with them either. sick open. And if you have self-doubt or low self-esteem, treat him with understanding and respect.

Support him and celebrate even small successes. This will help not only him, but also you. After all, communicate with psychically unhealthy person and it is very difficult to constantly hope for improvement.

Keep it familiar. If sick for a long time lay, find out: time for lunch, dinner or sleep. And if possible, create them at home. For mentally unhealthy people Predictability and calm are very important. Give him simple daily activities to keep him busy. This will make him feel more wealthy and needed.

Sources:

• how to deal with a schizophrenic

Crazy people walk the streets just like normal people. They cross paths with passers-by and sometimes engage in conversation. But it is necessary to adhere to some rules so as not to hurt the feelings of a mentally ill person and not suffer from him.

Surprisingly, but true: thousands of families in Russia live next to mentally unbalanced people who not only ruin the lives of those around them with their antics, but also pose a real threat to the safety of children and adults. About isolating a psycho from normal people today it’s simply impossible, doctors don’t say it out loud, but it’s actually true.
Previously, the law provided for compulsory treatment of patients with schizophrenia and other mental disorders. A medical examination could be ordered for a patient based on a statement from neighbors or even just strangers who noticed obvious oddities in the person’s behavior. This is not the case these days. Any visible signs dementia is not a basis for compulsory treatment. Only close relatives or the patient himself can insist on hospitalization. Of course, the psycho is in no hurry to go to the hospital, because he considers himself absolutely normal, and his close people are in no hurry to take any drastic actions: after all, it is not a stranger who has fallen ill and they can be understood as human beings.
What are the mental dangers? unbalanced people? First of all, its unpredictability. Such a person can live in society for years, showing practically nothing of himself, but then some kind of internal fuse burns out. This happened, for example, with New York resident Kendra Webdale, who was pushed under a train unknown man. A striking example There is also a sensational story about a sick woman who suddenly picked up a hammer and attacked the kids playing on the playground. She had all the signs of dementia, but doctors refused compulsory treatment because it was prohibited by law. The price of bureaucratic delays is several children's lives and broken lives of parents. Of course, if the woman had been isolated from society before she saw evil demons in innocent children, then nothing like this would have happened.
In this situation, every person should know how to behave with mentally ill people. This is especially necessary for those citizens who live in close proximity to psychos and regularly meet with them on the staircase.
First of all, forget about logic and common sense. An unbalanced person lives by his own rules, and the motives for aggression in such a person are fundamentally different from generally accepted norms. You may accidentally step on your foot to a normal member society, apologize and calmly move on. In the case of an unhealthy person, the situation often gets out of control. The patient will fantasize anything and attack you in order to eliminate the imaginary threat. Moreover, aggression can even be caused by gaze. Doctors don’t talk about it, but in fact, even they are not always able to predict how a mentally ill person will behave in a given situation. Speak to the sick person slowly, in a sing-song voice. At the first opportunity, try to move to a safe distance.
If the conflict could not be avoided, then again count on the worst turn of events. Always be prepared for what polite words, apologies and persuasion, just like offensive statements, will lead to even more aggressive behavior. Remember that schizophrenics and people suffering from manic-depressive psychosis feel virtually no pain. They are not affected by gas canisters, punches, etc. forceful methods impact. Therefore, if it comes to a direct confrontation, you should either run away and call for help, or neutralize the aggressor using the most severe actions. Showing weakness is unacceptable, since an aggressive psycho will, on occasion, use a piece of pipe, an ax, and a kitchen knife. Forget about morals and laws. It’s either him or you, and it’s better for you to emerge victorious from this fight, because nothing will happen to the psycho even if he kills several people.
And now about what signs of dementia distinguish unbalanced people. This is, for example, blank look, increased motor activity(a person suddenly starts waving his arms for no reason) or, conversely, clearly noticeable lethargy, others abnormal reactions to the most ordinary events and actions. If there are people next to you people like this, then know that at any moment you can become a source of hell in their eyes. Therefore, leave the area as quickly as possible possible defeat and be prepared to withstand sudden outbursts of rage.

Hysterics and conflicts that arise over trifles, outbursts of aggression out of nowhere, thwarted plans and unfulfilled obligations - this is just a small list of “gifts” that can be expected from unbalanced people. You need to learn to recognize them in advance in order to be able to protect yourself, and maybe even help them.

It is not always easy to identify an unbalanced person based on first impressions, because outwardly he may appear calm, reserved, and even quiet. And yet there are signs that reveal an unbalanced person: a tense, frozen facial expression, a lack of naturalness, spontaneity in behavior, as if the person is constantly trying to control himself, nervous fingers that are constantly fiddling with something. But it also happens differently when imbalance is obvious: a person looks irritated, nervous, sharp notes break through his voice every now and then, or he generally constantly speaks in a raised tone.

The difficulty of communicating with an unbalanced person is that his behavior cannot be predicted. His mood can change at any moment without any warning. visible reasons. A seemingly harmless remark can provoke hysterics or an outburst of anger in them - simply because internal tension has accumulated, and you have fallen into trouble. Such a person can be either relatively harmless or representative serious danger for others.

Moments of imbalance can occur in almost all people. But usually people, when out of balance, easily return back. The difference between an unbalanced person is that it is very difficult for him to return to a state of balance. On the contrary, the further he goes, the more he goes “peddling”.

The basic rule: under no circumstances should you conflict with an unbalanced person and try not to provoke conflicts with criticism, reproaches, or offensive remarks addressed to him. Remember that his reaction to such things may be inadequate. You want to achieve educational goals with your remark - but instead you will get an outbreak of uncontrollable aggression.

If you witnessed nervous breakdown uncontrollable person, the best thing you can do is to distance yourself from the situation as much as possible, not get emotionally involved in it and behave calmly, even emphatically polite. Do not object, do not argue, do not swear under any circumstances! Let the unstable one rage as much as he wants. Listen silently to everything he says. Treat him as kindly as possible - remember that most often an unbalanced person behaves this way not because he is bad or evil, but because deep down he feels insecure, confused and afraid. His breakdowns are nothing more than an attempt to make up for the lack of attention from other people and establish control over the situation. So try with all your appearance to demonstrate to the person that everything is fine, you are listening to him carefully, the situation is under control. It is possible that after some time he himself will become ashamed of his behavior.

But there are times when unbalanced behavior is associated with the present mental disorder. If the rowdy does not calm down, but only becomes more and more angry despite all your attempts to calm him down, if you are afraid that he may harm himself or others, immediately seek medical help.

It is best not to have any serious dealings with unbalanced people at all - after all, it is difficult to rely on them, because you never know what to expect from them. If it so happens that you somehow depend on an unbalanced person (for example, he is your boss), behave with extreme caution. Carefully consider your every word and every action, trying not to provoke his breakdowns.

Workshop

Take a closer look at the people you interact with. If among them there are openly unbalanced ones, develop new tactics for communicating with them. Instead of objecting, arguing, giving in to them emotional mood, that is, to some extent become like them, begin to act in exactly the opposite way: maintain your calm, even state and perceive their outbursts as kindly as possible. This technique helps: imagine that in front of you is a small, capricious child, and you are an intelligent and strong adult who behaves calmly and independently, no matter what, and can nullify any conflict with your wise behavior.

If there is a person in your environment whom you suspect is unbalanced, check if this is really the case by using a simple technique. Start a conversation with this person on some neutral topic - about the weather, sports, fashion, food, etc. Express your disagreement with him on any issue. You can even express some deliberately absurd thought: for example, if in front of you is a champion of all kinds of diets, say that, according to the latest scientific data, abundant fatty foods very good for health. Watch your interlocutor's reaction. Will he react calmly or will he literally fly up to the ceiling and start foaming at the mouth to prove to you how wrong you are? In the second case, there is a high probability that in front of you is an unbalanced person. Think about whether it’s worth dealing with him - if he explodes even over trifles, what can you expect when it comes to something more serious?

Just when conducting such a unique test, remember that you need to do it gently, and not say obviously offensive things or things that affect your interlocutor as a person.

It is common to associate mental imbalance with mental illness. At its core, mental imbalance in to varying degrees is inherent in almost every person. Imbalance can be episodic in nature, or it can become something of a lifestyle when a person many years gives the impression of being mentally unstable and in need of outside help.

Signs of a mentally unstable person

It is important to know and be able to identify the signs of mental imbalance. This will help you see them in yourself or loved ones and avoid serious consequences.

Irritability

People exposed to even minor stress capable of bursting into a storm of emotions. During this time it is wasted huge reserves energy that could be used for creation. Moreover, in five minutes of frantic screams, swearing and worries, a person can get tired as if he had been working out. physical labor all day.

The constant feeling of imminent danger can drive you crazy. An unbalanced person begins see the threat own life and security almost everywhere and loses the ability to soberly assess the surrounding situation. Constantly being in a restless state, anxious state leads to serious problems with health - weakening nervous system, the risk of heart attack and stroke increases. Permanent panic attacks can lead to agoraphobia and a reclusive lifestyle.

Fussiness and arrogance

Another sign of imbalance is constant rush, inability to stop for a few minutes and relax. Constant tension and the need to occupy yourself with something are caused by an overabundance of thoughts running chaotically through your head. The line between reality and one’s own illusory world is blurred. Naturally, this leads to decreased productivity and wasted energy.

The desire to show your importance, unlike others, attributing exorbitant merit to oneself is also a sign of mental instability. Arrogant people become rigid and have a hard time noticing their shortcomings and learning from them. own mistakes. Often such people lack a sense of humor, take life too seriously and are easily angered.

Other symptoms

As a rule, the above signs are easy to detect because often they are not a temporary phenomenon, but become something like character traits. Besides this, there are others obvious symptoms mental disorders:

• problems concentrating while working or communicating;
• laughter for no reason;
• alienation and hostility towards loved ones;
• auditory or visual hallucinations - from the outside it looks like conversations with oneself, answers to questions from an invisible interlocutor;
• confused speech, difficult to understand, containing absurd or delusional phrases.

Also, mental imbalance can be accompanied by insomnia and headaches, eating disorders, problems in intimate life, alcohol abuse and neglect appearance.

How to deal with a mentally unstable person

When in contact with a mentally unstable person caution should be exercised so as not to provoke a conflict with your phrases and actions. The best thing you can do is to distance yourself as much as possible, control your emotions and remain calm and polite.

Don't allow yourself to argue, swear, or raise your voice- let the unbalanced man rage to his heart's content, and you just listen to him in silence. Remember that most often unbalanced people behave this way because deep down they feel extremely insecure, confused and afraid. A breakdown should be perceived as an attempt to make up for the lack of attention from others. Therefore, you should treat such a person kindly, demonstrate to him that everything is fine, the situation is under control.

Help him feel exceptional

Mentally unbalanced people are often helpless and suffer from it. To convince them otherwise, you will need a few simple tricks:

• Focus on the fact that you care about this person. After all, if he notices that communication with him is unpleasant for you, this may further reduce his self-esteem;
• Value his views and respect his opinions. When talking, do not be distracted by other things, pay attention to him. Praise for the thoughts expressed, even if you do not agree with his point of view;
• Take care of comfort and pay attention to the needs of the person. Even simply offering a glass of water or a warm blanket can significantly improve his well-being and attitude towards you.

Show that you trust him

People with psychological problems They lose trust not only in others, but in themselves and their own considerations. That's why it is important to demonstrate your faith in such a person, so that he regains his sense of self-worth and importance. For this try asking him for advice or consultation on a subject that he really understands. Even a simple request for help will distract his attention from his own problems and help him perceive the world around him more adequately.

Help him become independent

Sometimes trying to help mentally unbalanced person, you can completely make him feel helpless and worthless. Therefore, it is important to give him some freedom of action. Let him be responsible for himself - you shouldn’t nip any stressful situation, give him the opportunity to learn to deal with stress factors himself. Sometimes ask him to carry out some assignment and give him complete freedom of action from beginning to end.

However, one should not allow an unbalanced person to do whatever he wants. Freedom of action is good in moderation, for this certain rules and frameworks should be established. Otherwise, you risk finding yourself in the position of a punching bag or they will simply start wiping their feet on you. Therefore, as soon as you notice that your friend begins to take liberties with you, gently but persistently put him in his place. Don't lose your composure and learn to stand up for yourself when necessary.

One of the main mistakes of people with problematic mental health

This mistake is trying to completely eliminate stress from your life. Sometimes people with unstable psyches withdraw from the world around them - they quit their jobs, limit their social circle, and begin to rarely leave the house. But such a distance from reality makes the psyche even more unstable; a person cut off from life begins to see the world only in black and white, thinking loses its flexibility and ultimately comes prolonged depression and loss of desire to live. If you begin to notice similar behavior in yourself or loved ones, you should immediately take action to prevent sad consequences.