Person's character. What does clutter in your home mean?

A teenager lives at home, and chaos has settled on his territory: phone chargers, notebooks, broken pens, chewed pencils, a couple of dirty cups... Millions of mothers are tormented by the problem - how to get your child to clean his room, millions of children resist parental expansion. We look further - pieces of paper and candy wrappers, sunflower seeds, empty bottles of Coca-Cola and Sprite, mixed with slippers, socks and T-shirts are lying on the floor. There is a layer of dust on everything. A terrible picture... common, unfortunately. What to do about it?

Imagine, your child is completely tired of the surrounding ugliness and internally persuades himself to get ready and clean up, and here you are: “ What's going on with you?!" All, he again falls into his protest, answers explicitly or mentally “ None of your business”, and the natural onset of the cleaning phase is delayed for another week or month.

I have used all three methods at different times in my life. The first, as I already said, is completely ineffective and even harmful. I combined 2nd and 3rd and am pleased with the results.

Maybe the child is just lazy?

« Or maybe it’s just laziness?”- my clients ask me.

Yes, and laziness too. But laziness has never been overcome by force. The exception is slave owners and slaves. But your child is not your slave! By the way, this is what one of my acquaintances, a five-year-old boy, told his mother: “What are you forcing me to do? I am your son, not your slave!

PHENOMENON 3

The children have grown up (those real children I talked about - Katya (my friend’s daughter) and my eldest son Dima. They live separately. They learned to clean their rooms (apartments). They themselves wanted this when they began to live separately.

It's a wise practice to let your kids go swimming! That’s when the power of example comes into play - when they live separately, they establish life the way it was in the family in which they grew up!

That's why. don't worry moms, everything will be fine, you just need to wait a little. In the meantime, be patient if your children are still teenagers.

Therefore, respect your children, their territory in which their laws. Respect even their right to laziness! Making your child clean his room is not the most important thing, believe me! How to maintain good trusting relationships is the real challenge.

Your loyalty is the shortest path to order. If there is no order in the room, then order in your relationships.

P.S. Look at the picture. Your child’s room won’t be like this now, it’s pointless to strive for it!

Yulia Golovkina

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There is chaos at home, there is a constant mess in things and affairs. I wonder if this is an innate character trait or an acquired defensive reaction? There is a category of people whose home is in terrible disarray. This causes them a lot of inconvenience, but all attempts made to put everything in its place are in vain. Let's try to figure it out - what are they hiding behind these rubble?

The main reasons for this phenomenon may be:

• Proof of its own existence. In this situation, a person adds evidence of his own existence in every possible way (“marks” his territory). One of the reasons for this phenomenon is the need to free yourself from feelings of helplessness or loneliness. But there is a possibility that with such a person you can agree to leave a place for someone else next to you.
• Lack of attention. In this case, a person uses the mess he has created to attract additional attention from others. He asks for help in finding “lost” things, and he evokes the sympathy and pity of those around him so much that they drop everything they are doing and begin to help him. This is how people who are not very confident in themselves receive additional support, which they lack in life.
• Lack of desire to grow up. The habit of constant disorder comes from childhood. Books, magazines, piles of things scattered everywhere, a pile of unwashed dishes - this is a sign that characterizes children of overly pedantic parents. There is only one salvation from their excessive desire for order - their own disorder. Grown-up slobs refuse to follow generally accepted concepts of cleanliness and order, considering them just unnecessary conventions that vividly remind them of the time when practically the only phrase parents used to communicate with their children was: “Clean up the room!” Disorder, as a means of avoiding adult responsibility for your life, leaves a ghostly hope that someone will solve your problems for you. For example, he will clean the kitchen, his desk, pay the bills, and allow him to continue to demonstrate his own helplessness to you.
• Constant anxiety. Sometimes the death of a loved one or even a beloved animal, divorce or breakup can lead a person to a complete reluctance to put things in order at home - this sometimes accompanies depression. A mess at home literally sucks a person in, drowning him in anxiety attacks and his own past. There is only one way out - to urgently start freeing up space, throwing out unnecessary things and tidying up what is valuable, in order to free up the space at home and your own inner space for everything new, more joyful and giving love.

If any of the above applies to you and you want to fix it:

• Refuse forever from the help of others in finding the things you need, by doing this you will deprive yourself of emotional “positive” reinforcement, additional attention from others to your person and, perhaps, you will lose the main reason leading to disorder.
• Come up with a “tasty” incentive, for example - you want to calmly approach the work table or the sink in the kitchen (not through rubble), you want to finally receive guests.
• Attempts to remove everything at once will remain attempts, start with something that will not plunge you into panic. First, take out the trash, wash the dishes, sort out some of the things you are wearing right now, arrange books and magazines.
• You have already tried all of the above, but there is no more order in the apartment - this means that your internal disorder has very deep roots and you will have to sort out your memories, remove the fears and emotions associated with them. Those. qualitatively shake up the past. On your own or with the help of a specialist.

If you live next to such a person, then under no circumstances take the position of a parent towards your partner, fueling his feelings of guilt. Look at the situation with humor and come to an agreement: “I’ll cook something delicious, and you clean up the table.”. This is how you are more likely to find mutual understanding and maintain peace and love in the family.

Psychology of disorder: external and internal causes of chaos in an apartment and how to deal with it

As practice shows, the cleanliness of most people’s homes leaves much to be desired. Moreover, many do not realize the reasons for the disorder in the house, because they seem to be cleaning with enviable regularity, but for some reason clothes and household items are still instantly moved to other places, and treacherous lumps of dust accumulate in the corners. Why is there a mess at home and most importantly, how to deal with it?

Many people say that with the birth of a child you can say goodbye to order in the house. Some say this with disappointment, others with warmth. Indeed, children bring a huge number of changes into our lives. And they are largely to blame for why the house is a mess. But you shouldn’t blame your baby for things being scattered around the house, dust not being wiped off, or dishes not being washed. There are a lot of reasons for a mess, from simple laziness to mental illness. Blaming a child for the causes of a mess is simple and very convenient, because then you don’t need to change anything: you don’t need to work on yourself, you don’t need to look for the true reasons and eradicate them.

The reasons why the house is always a mess can be divided into internal and external. Depending on which cause prevails, you can select adequate actions to eliminate it.

External causes of constant chaos in the apartment and how to deal with it

First, learn how to get rid of clutter in your home caused by external factors. They can be much easier to fix than internal ones.

1. I don’t like the house or apartment.

"Home Sweet Home…". Every woman dreams of saying this phrase while looking around her two-story mansion with a terrace and a winter garden. But what to do if you have to fight clutter in a rented one-room apartment?

As you can see in the photo, the mess in a small house is much more noticeable than in huge mansions:

Many women feel the need for their own home, a family nest, and do not want to restore order and comfort in an apartment or in a house from which they plan to move out after a while. They don’t feel like full-fledged housewives here, and they simply don’t understand why do something if it won’t last long.

How to fight?

What to do if the mess in the house is due to its microscopic dimensions, when there is simply no room to properly arrange things? “There is nothing more permanent than temporary,” someone wise said. It is unknown how long you will have to live in this house - maybe one month, or maybe more than one year. Agree, not washing or washing curtains for such a long time is not very good for the health of the whole family. Yes, we cannot change the color, but we can hang paintings and photographs to create a homely environment. Yes, we can’t throw out the owner’s old skis, but we can put a pot of flowers and herbs on it.

Life is today. This awareness is difficult, but it helps you enjoy exactly what is happening now, what surrounds you at this particular moment. You can create comfort and a truly homely atmosphere even in a train carriage, let alone the beautiful apartment in which you now live.

2. I don’t like furniture or storage systems.

Many people say: “If I had a dressing room, my things would always be in order.” Or: “We have such a small kitchen, let’s order a new one (add a balcony, tear down a wall), then it will be clean.”

Oh, that subjunctive mood! How many people does it stop from taking decisive action!

How to fight?

What to do if your home is a mess because there are no convenient places to store things?

• Make the most of all available space.
• Organize storage areas correctly and functionally.
• Use non-standard and unusual ways to organize space (in addition to cabinets and shelves, there are also baskets, boxes, boxes, hangers, hooks and much more).
• Take a stroll through furniture and construction stores and you will be able to organize your space in such a way that you will always want to keep it clean.

3. I don't like my surroundings.

Two or more housewives on one house is a big problem for many young and not so young families. If there are strained relationships in the family, if you are afraid of doing something wrong, then, ultimately, you don’t do anything at all. Dividing the apartment into separate zones: I wash half the corridor, and my mother washes the other half - does not contribute to order and harmony.

How to fight?

How to deal with a mess in an apartment if you don’t like the environment with which you have to live under the same roof? Live apart! Eh, it's easy to say, but it's not easy paying off a mortgage for 25 years. If you can’t make your own family nest, then you need to try to build friendly and constructive relationships with those who live in the same house with you. To help you, heart-to-heart conversations over a cup of tea with buns, delimitation of powers and areas of responsibility, respect for the older generation and patience.

Look at the photo - it’s easier to clean up the mess in the house together:

The psychology of clutter in the house: internal causes and how to get rid of them

The internal reasons for the constant chaos in the apartment lie not in the external environment and our surroundings, but in ourselves: our habits and characteristics, upbringing and perception of the world, ourselves and home.

1. Laziness.

It is believed that laziness is one of the most common causes of clutter in the house. This is exactly what most women think. However, behind this little word there are many other deeper concepts and conditions that prevent us from “flying” around the house with a vacuum cleaner and a rag with a smile. Laziness is not the main reason, but only a symptom.

What can be hidden behind the feeling when you don’t want to do anything?

Fatigue. How often do we confuse laziness with banal fatigue! Run to work, cook dinner, work with the children, pay attention to your husband, don’t forget about your favorite hobby, report on the work done on self-development on social networks, and you also need to run to your mother and help your friend with the move, and after all this you want more with a sparkle in your eyes, tidy up your child’s toys and polish the floors? We doubt that anyone can do this!

Physical fatigue can manifest itself in very specific symptoms: headaches, drowsiness or, conversely, insomnia, joint pain, digestive problems.

Much more insidious is psychological fatigue, when the heap of work makes you want to crawl under the covers and sleep, sleep, sleep... Lack of interest in anything, apathy, mood swings, tearfulness - this is exactly how our body reacts if we cannot cope with emotions, problems, tasks.

Lack of motivation. Very often we are too lazy to do something because we don’t understand why we need it.

Lack of interest. Most often we are too lazy to do things that are not interesting to us. When you are not interested in something, you do it through force, the body resists activity that is meaningless, from its point of view, and laziness sets in.

Laziness as a manifestation of the “excellent student complex”. An inveterate perfectionist reasons like this: “If I can’t do something perfectly and 100%, then it’s not worth taking on.”

How to fight?

What to do if your home is constantly a mess, and it is caused by your own laziness? First, find out what is hidden behind it. If it's fatigue, then you should start with your health. Get examined by doctors, change your diet to a healthier one, engage in moderate physical activity, get more rest, and have “do nothing” days.

If the matter is a lack of interest and motivation, then you need to take care to find positive aspects in household chores that are attractive to you, or to start motivating yourself by going to a cafe or beauty salon.

The “excellent student complex” must be combated systematically and ruthlessly. First, you need to learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes and allow yourself to be “imperfect.” You need to learn to enjoy not only the result, but also the process of household chores itself. Under no circumstances should you compare yourself with anyone, especially with some non-existent ideal. You are a real normal person, allow yourself to make small mistakes and mistakes.

2. Disorganization.

“I can’t clear the rubble on the balcony because I don’t have enough time!” Irrational use of time is the scourge of many housewives. Instead of paying attention to the house, we watch the next TV series; instead of cleaning up and finally getting rid of old and broken toys, we spend hours on end on social networks.

How to fight?

Realize that the time we waste will never come back! Conduct a detailed timekeeping of the day (preferably over several weeks) to find out where we spend our precious time. Master planning and organization systems. Don’t attribute everything to the fact that you are a creative person, and all these frameworks and plans do not suit you at all. They'll do! You just need to experiment a little and make an effort to find or create your own housekeeping system.

3. Perfectionism.

“Now I’ll put everything on the shelves, and the child will come running and scatter everything - no, it’s better not to bother at all.” We want to do everything 100%, we want ours to be as clean as our friend’s, who has no children at all or has already grown up. A job done halfway or even 70% is perceived by us as a disaster, and self-criticism begins: I’m such a bad housewife.

How to fight?

Minimum plan and maximum plan. When planning your affairs, try to always make two lists: a minimum plan and a maximum plan (you can make one list, but highlight the minimum plan in color or something else). If you manage to complete the first of them, and this is not difficult to do, because it only includes really important and necessary things, praise yourself and tell yourself what a wonderful, organized and successful housewife you are. If you have the strength, time and desire to work more, then proceed to the maximum plan and do not reproach yourself when this fails, because the main part of what was planned has been completed!

What if…? When starting a project or business, ask yourself: what if I can’t handle it? What happens if, for example, I fail to make the most delicious fish pie, like my grandmother?

Answer options could be:

• we will be left without lunch (but we can reheat yesterday’s soup);
• my husband will again make fun of my culinary abilities (it doesn’t matter, he does this lovingly and always delicately);
• Quite expensive fish will be spoiled (hmm, maybe then it’s better to use canned food first?);
• and so on.

Having painted a picture of failure in your head, you will understand that the world will not collapse, no one will scold you, you will be able to move on with your life and cook fish pies.

We're slacking for one day. Psychologists who work with perfectionists advise having a “hack day” once a week. For example, don’t cook a three-course meal, but simply fry potatoes or cook dumplings. It's important to make sure that the world doesn't turn upside down if we do something without giving it our all.

Once you become familiar with the main internal and external causes of clutter, you will find something to do, for example, write down those that apply specifically to you in the table below and come up with a plan to combat them.

Why is my apartment a mess?	How will I deal with this?

Andrey YAKUTIN, practicing psychologist:

There is a category of people whose entire home is in terrible disarray. This causes a lot of inconvenience, but attempts to put everything in its place are futile. Let's try to figure out what these people are hiding behind their rubble?

Causes of disorder

Helplessness and loneliness

If a person makes a mess, this may indicate that he wants to free himself from feelings of helplessness or loneliness. And, throwing things around, as if “marking territory,” he tries to prove that he exists.

If your partner behaves this way, try to come to an agreement - offer to leave a place next to him for someone else.

Lack of attention

Clutter is a way to attract extra attention from others. A person asks for help in finding “lost” things, and at the same time evokes such sympathy and pity from those around him that they drop everything they are doing and rush to the rescue. This is how people who are not very confident in themselves receive additional support, which they lack in life.

Lack of desire to grow up

The habit of constant disorder comes from childhood. Books scattered everywhere, piles of things, a pile of unwashed dishes - this is a sign that characterizes the children of too pedantic people. There is only one salvation from the desire for excessive order on the part of parents - your own disorder.

And then the grown-up slobs refuse to follow generally accepted concepts of cleanliness and order, considering them unnecessary conventions that vividly recall the time when practically the only phrase with which parents communicated with their children was: “Clean up the room!”

Disorder as a means of avoiding adult responsibility for your life leaves a ghostly hope that someone will solve your problems for you. For example, he will put things in order in the kitchen, on the desktop, pay the bills, and allow him to continue to demonstrate his own helplessness.

Constant anxiety

Sometimes the death of a loved one or even a beloved animal, divorce or breakup can lead a person to a complete reluctance to put things in order at home. This sometimes accompanies depression. A mess at home literally sucks a person in, drowning him in anxiety attacks and his own past.

There is only one way out - urgently start throwing out everything unnecessary and putting in order what is valuable in order to free up the space at home and your inner space for everything new, more joyful and giving love.

Do you recognize yourself? And want to fix something? It's real!

Recipe for Cleanliness

Refuse to help you find the things you need. Forever. By doing this, you will deprive yourself of emotional “positive” reinforcement, additional attention from others and, perhaps, the main reason leading to disorder.

Come up with a “tasty” incentive to clean up. For example, you want to finally invite guests into your home, or at least just calmly approach the work table or the kitchen sink, and not make your way through the rubble.

Start sorting out the rubble with something that won't throw you into panic. For example, take out the trash first. Then wash the dishes, sort out some things, arrange books and magazines. And attempts to remove everything at once will most likely remain attempts.

Have you tried all of the above, but your apartment is still in chaos? This means that your inner turmoil has very deep roots. And to get to them, you will have to sort through your memories, the fears and emotions associated with them. That is, to qualitatively shake up the past. On your own or with the help of a specialist.

“I’ll cook, and you clean up here”

If you are “lucky enough” to live next to a person who sows chaos around him, under no circumstances take the position of a parent towards your partner, fueling his feelings of guilt. Look at the situation with humor, find a compromise: “I’ll cook something tasty, and you clean up the table.” This is how you are more likely to find mutual understanding and maintain peace and love in your family.

How to determine the level of clutter in your home?

To do this, answer a few questions.

1.Have you ever lost an important document, check or receipt at home?

2. Do you feel a sense of panic before a sudden visit from guests?

3.Have you ever lost your own jewelry at home?

4.Do you feel like there are too many unnecessary things at home?

5.The closet is full of things, but you have nothing to wear?

6.Are you often dissatisfied with your own appearance?

7.Are you constantly short of time?

8.Do your friends make fun of the mess in your home?

9. Are you late for work in the morning because you can’t find the right wardrobe item?

results

If you gave positive answers to at least 4 out of 9 questions, it means that your home is no longer a creative mess, but real chaos. We recommend doing some spring cleaning as soon as possible!