What is he like, the ideal person? What character, what traits should an ideal person have? Ways to help you learn a lot more about a person
Good day, dear readers of my blog! Recently, the word perfectionist has begun to appear frequently in everyday life, and many are wondering - who is this? Today I will reveal in detail the definition of this word and talk about the positive and negative traits of this type of personality. In the article you will also see several photos that illustrate figuratively speaking “Hell” and “Heaven” for a perfectionist.
The word perfectionist comes from the English perfect, which means perfection. But since there are no perfect people, perfectionists simply strive for this.
Perfectionism can be either an adequate personality trait or a deviation from the norm; in this case, it is a neurosthenic form. In Tal Ben-Shahar's book “The Perfectionist Paradox,” these types are called adaptive and maladaptive perfectionism.
There are several types of perfectionism:
- self-directed: the desire to be ideal;
- directed towards others: high demands on others;
- peace-oriented: the belief that the world should conform to certain rules and laws.
Some people believe that perfectionist and idealist are synonyms, but these are concepts from different areas and there is not much in common between them.
There are many photographs on the Internet on the topic “heaven and hell for a perfectionist.” Here I have selected the most striking examples. Perhaps this name is somewhat exaggerated, but there is, of course, some truth in this.
In the “perfectionist’s paradise” pictures, everything is neat and harmonious. Each item is in its place, everything must match in shape, size and color.
If an ordinary person looks at photographs of the “hell of a perfectionist,” he may not notice anything, or some obvious disharmony will slightly hurt the eye. But for a perfectionist, this is truly a nightmare.
Causes of perfectionism
Perfectionism develops from early childhood. If parents show love and praise to a child only during his successes, then most likely he will grow up to be a perfectionist. At school, such children are afraid of getting a bad grade, as this may cause parental disapproval. Sometimes even a B can instill horror in them, which is why perfectionism is often called the “excellent student syndrome.”
As a rule, men are more at risk of becoming a perfectionist, since high expectations are placed on them from childhood. A man is the future head of the family, which means he is responsible for his wife and children. Therefore, from childhood, the stronger sex becomes demanding of itself and others.
But sometimes women put an unbearable burden on their fragile shoulders and try to be perfect in all areas of life: family, career, appearance, etc. This often happens because of movies and magazines. After looking at beautiful images, a woman has a dream to live up to these ideals in everything. But in real life, unlike on television, it is impossible to be perfect in everything.
Personal qualities of perfectionists
Like any personality type, perfectionists have their positive and negative sides. The following are the most common signs:
- the desire to do everything perfectly;
- meticulousness;
- increased attention to detail;
- painful perception of criticism;
- excessive demands on oneself and others
Positive traits
The main positive trait of a perfectionist is hard work and self-improvement. Such people painstakingly hone their skills in their chosen field and do not stop until they achieve the best results.
Many famous people have achieved success precisely because of this quality. For example, Steve Jobs. He was demanding of his employees and the quality of work performed. According to his instructions, even hidden microcircuits were given an aesthetic appearance. This list also includes Leo Tolstoy, Nietzsche, Kant, Alexander the Great, etc.
Perfectionists are good workers. If you entrust him with a task, you can be sure that it will be completed efficiently. But you should not give him work that needs to be done urgently, since due to excessive care, the completion may take a long time.
Perfectionists are neat and clean. Their desk is always perfectly tidy; you won’t see creative chaos on it, like many workers. Their home is always in impeccable order, everything is in its place and arranged on shelves.
Negative qualities
Perfectionists have a very difficult time in family life. In their subconscious there is an unattainable ideal of family, and if suddenly something does not correspond to this image, then attempts begin to remake their household members. This is where the problems begin, since it is practically impossible to re-educate people, they become frustrated and irritable.
Another negative impact of perfectionism is the fear of not being able to cope with the work or doing it poorly. A person who is overcome by such fear is called a procrastinator. The life credo of such people is: “Either everything or nothing.” As a rule, perfectionist procrastinators do not even start work if they know that they cannot do it flawlessly.
Due to the constant desire to achieve the highest success, such people stop enjoying even good results. They always feel like they need to do even better. This causes emotional exhaustion and often leads to stress and depression.
How to stop being a perfectionist
People whose lives are marred by excessive perfectionism are interested in the question: how to become less demanding of yourself and others? In this regard, psychologists give the following recommendations:
- Set your priorities. It should be understood that it is impossible to succeed in all areas. Choose the most important goals, and do not waste your nerves and energy on unimportant things.
- Learn to enjoy any results. The world is not only black and white (success or failure), but also in-between. Even if the result does not meet your expectations, you can simply enjoy the rewarding experience.
- Even if you are still far from an ideal image or your loved ones do not meet your expectations, everyone has good qualities and successes, even small ones. Don't just focus on the negative, don't forget to celebrate when you see something good.
- Get plenty of rest. Perfectionists are susceptible to overstrain and exhaustion, as they work and work on themselves almost without interruption. Set aside at least 1 day a week that you dedicate to rest. Try meditation or yoga to relieve nervous tension.
Probably everyone could recognize someone they know in this description, or perhaps you yourself are a perfectionist. I hope you were able to learn something useful from this article, then add it to your social networks and share with friends. Sincerely, Ruslan Tsvirkun.
Pedantry Translation Pedantry (from Italian pedare, to educate) is a phenomenon that occurs in various areas of life, but most often accompanies scholarship and pedagogical activity. A pedant is a person who, because of the form, loses sight of the content, jealously observes the usual order in small things and is completely withdrawn from mental development and movement forward. In school, pedantry is a true pestilence, bringing lifelessness to living work and instilling in students a disgust for school. Not so long ago, corporal punishment was systematically practiced among school pedants. The best guarantee against pedantry is to raise the educational qualifications among teachers. Only a person with a good general education can easily avoid deadening formalism, which often degenerates into pedantry with its pettiness. Y. K.
Sissy
sissy
Pedant. The word "clean" refers to a person's actions and has a negative connotation. “Bore” has nothing to do with order, but characterizes the speaker’s attitude towards order.
Pedant-schmedant! This man's name is COMPANY MANAGER!
Perfectionist
Man always strives for self-realization and must constantly adapt to changing circumstances in order to work with society. Since ancient times, philosophers and psychologists have tried to understand whether there is a pattern in human behavior and perception of the world. The famous psychiatrist Sigmund Freud created a theory about the structure of psychiatry. From this, Carl Gustav Jung (a doctor from Switzerland) invented the concept of the psychotic.
Psychiatrists study theories of different personality classifications to find out why one or another person did a certain action.
Even though each person is different, they have similar behavioral characteristics. Words and our actions result in a psychological appearance that creates an impression on all our actions.
The science of studying the interaction between man and the world around him
How humans can and do interact with the world around us is the subject of both science and sociology.
There are 16 personal psychotypes in total. Sovereignty in the modern world serves as a diagnostic in the consultation of these doctors as psychologists and psychiatrists.
According to the theory of Carl Junga, psychotypes have the following classification:
- after settings (introvert and extrovert);
- with the prevailing modes of mental activity (rationalism and irrationalism).
To obtain a new classification and try to determine personality, psychiatrist A.
Augustinaviciute decided to combine the concept of Jurge and the theory of information metabolism of A. Kempinski. The theory is based on the exchange of information flow between society and the individual, which he compares to human metabolism.
How did the classification names come about?
How did you recognize the different types of people's psychotypes and give them names?
Each psychological classification defines itself using one dominant attitude: extraversion or introversion, as well as two more powerful functions - logic, ethics and sensory.
For rational people, ethics or logic will prevail, irrational people will have intuition or sensor. Later, 16 psychological types of a person were supplemented with other personality characteristics that were understandable to ordinary people.
Knowledge of the external signs and behavioral characteristics of various psychological types means psychiatrists can quickly recognize the patient's problems and thus correct their behavior.
Carl Gustav Jung proposed a classification consisting of eight main psychological types. Socionics offers a detailed classification of 16 types.
Personal psychotypes
What does knowing different psychotic personalities tell us?
If you know a person's type, you can anticipate your actions, establish relationships, and learn to trust them. Socionics gives us 16 psychological types of people:
- OR - intuitive-logical introversion. This includes people who can solve any problems. They are great strategists. Their shortcomings include indifference and they do not know how to express their feelings.
They love comfort and simplicity. We avoid conflicts.
- LIE is logically intuitive. Quite practical. Very reasonable. Socially, he admires risk-taking.
- ILE - Intuitive Logical Extravagance. We want to explore, invent something.
Learn new information quickly, they are principled and insist on their own.
- FEL is logical sensory extraction. Good businessmen are consistent. They can be foreseen. News is cautious.
- SLE - sensory-logical extracretion. They are quite strict in their statements, without reservations. Practical and responsible.
- LSI - logical-sensory introversion.
These include calmness, rationality, and discipline. Their disadvantages include their problems.
- SLI - sensory-logical introversion.
It tastes good. Quite emotional, conservative.
- ESE - Ethical Sensory Extraversion. He has a talent for persuasion. Good communicator. Optimistic. Flaws include negligence and misadministration.
- SEE - Sensory-ethical extravagance. This includes people with management skills who know how to manage people and have planning skills.
They attacked with anger attacks.
- EE is an ethical-intuitive prey. Very emotional and artistic. They play drama in public.
- IEE - intuitive-ethical extraversion.
They have an innate sense of tact, very quickly.
- ESI-ethical-sensory introversion. Moralists with great patience. Reliable. Disadvantages include over-resolution.
- SEI - sensory-ethical introversion. Their shortcomings include their inability to make decisions. They love comfort and peace.
- EII - ethically intuitive introversion.
Dreamers who can empathize. Moralists.
- IEI - intuitive-ethical introversion. They don't want to suffer from problems. Lazy dreamers. Very sensitive to different situations.
- LII - logical intuitive introversion. They have well-developed logic and can be analyzed. He logically delves into the essence of various phenomena.
Definition of psychotype
Each of us wants to achieve this goal.
To be successful, you must be able to understand yourself. Thus, the best way to gain self-understanding is to independently define the psychotic personality.
Can you identify which psychotic you are? Today, there are quite a few psychotic personality tests that will help you determine which psychological types you have.
The most popular test is the test that determines your temperament type. It includes simple psychological questions, the answers to which will help in the determination. It is very important to remember that these tests do not provide a complete picture, but are intended to provide a general understanding of your personal characteristics.
It is known that the following classification of human psychotypes by K. Longard will help you more accurately determine your properties.
- Hypertensive.
This type includes people who have good communication skills, are vocal and active. During a conversation, they often communicate through movements and facial expressions. There are often examples of leaving the main topic and discussing something abstract about them.
The disadvantages of such people include their ability to initiate various conflicts and their selflessness. Their enemy is loneliness.
- Dysthymic. It’s just that ascetic people don’t like loud, self-sufficient companies. They were not seen in conflicts; they preferred to stay away. They speak little and have a keen sense of justice.
There are few friends. They are excellent workers for monotonous work. Poor, slow, passive.
- CycloidalCycloidal. People are moods that fluctuate within them at a fairly high speed. Love of communication, cute, emotional. With a bad mood - they become reserved, they become irritable.
With different moods we can see different properties - dysthymic or hyperthymic.
- Exciting. Probably the most deadly, closed and do not like people.
Conflict. The team does not like rudeness or cruelty. In relationships, authorities dictate their own rules. They rarely manage to control their emotions and outbursts of anger.
- Thing. Quiet people. Known as a boring person who likes to read morals. This type of person in conflict is seen as an active site that constantly challenges.
If a person of this kind becomes a boss, his subordinates always suffer from this. He is accustomed to making excessive demands not only for himself, but also for others. Jealous, vengeful, self-confident, incredible.
- Pedantično.
Bureaucrats. They don't want to stick. Good and reliable business partners, but otherwise boring and formal.
- Being concerned. No initiative, it's not social. He is often ideal for the scapegoat role.
- Emotionally. People usually retained all feelings. Prominent representatives of the psychological classification are “emo”.
They can be compassionate towards others, dutiful.
- Demonstratively. Such people are always in the spotlight. They love praise and power. The disadvantages are their ability to replace other people if they themselves need it. Hypocritical, praiseworthy, selfish.
- He was brought up. Communicate, get in touch. Adoration is polemical, but it will not be openly contradictory. Romantic nature.
- Extravertirano. Talkative, easily fall under the influence of someone else, meaningless.
- Introverted.
Self-sufficient thoughts do not like noisy and large companies. Detained and principled. They constantly defend their position, which is often wrong.
Today it is not difficult to take simple tests to find out your personal psychotherapist and adjust your behavior yourself.
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A perfectionist is a person who strives for perfection
What do you call people who are prone to excessive cleanliness?
What is this: a disease, a phobia or something else? How can this affect a person's life? Is it good or bad to have such a tendency (not in the sense that we all love cleanliness, but when this idea already turns into an obsession)? Maybe you're just dealing with an overly squeamish person.
This is not a deviation from the norm, unless, of course, it takes on obsessive forms, such as, for example, a person constantly wears rubber gloves, shoe covers, a protective gown and a mask.
Agree, it’s not very pleasant if the house is a mess, there are crumbs on the table, and trash on the floor.
There is nothing wrong with daily cleaning. It is not a sin, for example, to grab the handrails on public transport with a napkin. They tend to be sticky and greasy - gross. Especially for a person with a high threshold of disgust. And the fact that a person carries wet wipes or hand cleansing cream with him is not a pathology.
Any excess, as in the example given at the beginning, already borders on mental disorders.
A person obsessed with an obsessive fear of pollution and dirt is called a mysophobe. One who is overly afraid of contracting bacteria and germs is a germaphobe. Anyone who is ready to polish floors every second and brush away specks of dust in their own home is a ripophobe.
What do you call a person who does everything perfectly and on time?
When an exaggerated fear of touching a contaminated/infected object turns into a fixed idea, there is a reason to turn to specialists. An overly valuable idea can crowd out everything, moving to the forefront.
Imagine how personality is distorted in this way!
Public transport, dirty streets, dubious characters living on them make us all a little miso- and germaphobic.
You just need to grasp the line beyond which pathology begins.
STUDENTS COMPETENTS
When, out of experience in literature, we discussed the story of Fazil Iskander "Forbidden Fruit", the eighth graders were assigned to write the story to the first person, so it seemed that the narrator was much older and smarter than he was at the time of the events described.
Pleasant intonation is encouraged, stylization, even imitation of a popular author, is not condemned.
Thus, two eighth grade students completed the task.
Danil KUZNETSOV,
8th grade
Lover of the Order
As a child, I really loved the order in the apartment.
If I noticed that everything that had stood in the same place for a long time had now moved, I would begin to cry loudly and bitterly. She found the mother, put the matter in place so that they would immediately stop when she cut off her signal from the cormorant service.
When I was a little older, the irregularities in the house became very serious: the pen of my older brother, the father of notes, fell off the table into the trash; cleaned out my mom's stuff, which later searched all the cabinets.
One day my mother left the apartment and walked to my brother's elevator.
Then I walked down the corridor and saw that the door was open. "Error!" - I thought, and closed the door, and waited for my mother. Then I heard my mother's voice, she said something inside me, but the door did not open or appear. Then my mother left. At first I get bored, then I'm afraid, and soon I'm screaming at everyone in Ivanovo. Finally, I heard voices, then cracks in the castle, and now my mother hugged me, hugged me, kissed me and gently calmed down. But I keep crying.
In my hands, sweets and other sweets, as well as things that I had not allowed before. But I can't calm down. My name is nearby. She's a little older than me. We're having fun with him. Soon I will forget about my tears. I have only pleasant memories of this incident in my head.
About two weeks later, my mother went out onto the balcony. I saw the door open. I immediately feel good memories. I ran to the balcony, hit the door and closed it on the bottom handle. Mom turned around and saw that the door was closed. Her eyes widened, and immediately there was horror in them.
Eighth floor. Street frost. My mother wears a thin lounge suit. There is no one else in the apartment.
I took it, I put it in its place! Order against stress. Systemic vector psychology of Yuri Burla
Neighbors at work. I saw the fear of my mother, and he was also afraid. Mom started to show me her hand, so I turned the button back, but I understood it in my own way, and with a happy smile I closed mom on the middle handle. Mom realized that there was only one way to knock on the door. If I wasn't afraid of a strong blow, she said: "Go to the kitchen and take the candy on the shelf." I was delighted with the kitchen...
And my father spent a long time repairing the balcony door.
I grew up, I went to school. Many different problems have been added.
But my mother sometimes runs over me: “Why are there pants on the floor? Why is the plate on the TV and in close proximity to the computer made of candy?” And other unfair accusations. And, unfortunately, I simply do not have enough time to monitor all the “violations” in the house.
- an effective tool for forecasting and building relationships. Taking into account the strengths and weaknesses of those around you, you can avoid many problems, make your life brighter and richer, your relationships more interesting and comfortable, and your work more efficient.
Socionics has discovered that every person has one of 16 psychotypes, which does not change throughout life.
gives distinctive features not only in behavior, but also in appearance - physique, gestures, emotions and facial expressions. Each has its own bright reflection in a person’s appearance. We all carry this unique imprint throughout our lives. Based on these traits, a person’s psychotype is quite easy to identify. consists in finding these signs and determining the psychotype based on them.
Unlike most, typing by appearance is based on objective physiological specific traits. Therefore, due to a fairly large set of signs (and more than fifty of them have already been discovered), it is impossible to fake the appearance of another type, which cannot be said about behavior, reactions, answers to test questions, etc.
This section is an auxiliary tool for studying the methodology for determining mental type by appearance - here you can see and examine the signs of each of the 16 types and 4 in the photograph, compare the severity of signs in the appearance of each representative of the type and subtype and catch the similarities.
When creating the photo catalogue, we did not at all strive to collect as many photographs of each person as possible and provide comprehensive information about him and his life from the point of view of socionics. You can search for the information you are interested in on your own on the Internet.
What do you call a person who likes everything to be exactly right and straight and fast?
The purpose of the catalog is to show the image of a psychotype, supplementing it with facts from the life of a representative of the type. Therefore, for ease of perception, most of the photographs are sorted based on both typical similarity (appearance, emotions, facial expressions, gestures, poses, etc.) and any other properties: angle.
In the extended version of the photo catalog, it is possible to quickly select representatives of the psychotype of each of the subtypes (temperaments).
We wish you a pleasant viewing and studying the signs of IMT in appearance =)
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A perfectionist is a person for whom everything should be ideal, perfect, the best. For him there is no mistake, and if so, then the latter is perceived as a failure, a global failure.
He sees life and any of its manifestations in black and white. He evaluates himself the same way. Strives for the ideal, often does not achieve what he wants and, as a result, devalues himself as a person.
And the point is absolutely not that you didn’t put in enough effort and didn’t achieve what you wanted. And the fact is that, as a rule, such individuals set unrealistic (difficult to achieve) goals. And not on the basis of their desires, which are internally consonant, but socially desirable, “correct”, from the point of view of a person’s social environment.
Having set a obviously unattainable ideal goal, a perfectionist gives 100%, plows day and night, and works his ass off. And what's the outcome? Disappointment from the slightest oversight and mistake, “the end of the world” due to failure. But failure is inevitable, because... the goal is initially incorrect, has little correlation with real possibilities and, let’s be honest, with its necessity. After all, it’s not so necessary to buy the perfect house if you can limit yourself to a suitable one? Is it really necessary to cut bread into perfectly even squares under a ruler, if the uneven shape is beautiful and tasty?
Well, what's wrong with that? People should always strive for better, to improve? Without a doubt. And most non-perfectionists live precisely by this principle and feel quite happy. The situation is different with perfectionists:
- They are always unhappy.
- It's never enough for them.
- Not beautiful, good, skillful, correct, polite, etc. enough.
The focus of such people’s attention is on what was done poorly/wrongly/crookedly and obliquely, that is, on the negative aspects of their actions. And since a person is energetically absorbed in negativity, there is often simply no opportunity or strength to see the positive in business or in others. After all, all the time is spent on perfecting what has been started or getting rid of rough edges.
Thus, a perfectionist is not the most beautiful, talented, kind, honest, hardworking person in the world. And this is a person who is always struggling with negativity, trying in every possible way to eliminate it in himself and using all kinds of methods to focus on it.
They do not consider themselves worthy, correct, nice, etc. They always bite themselves and get angry. They engage in self-criticism and self-criticism.
If you want to get rid of the “excellent student complex” and learn to live “like a human being,” then the following steps will help:
I am not only what I do
Try answering the following questions:
- What have I missed in my life due to perfectionism?
Remember projects/acquaintances/plans that you didn’t even start for fear of failure? - What is convenient about the current state of affairs?
The last question may seem strange, but the answer to it is extremely important.
If there is a symptom, then there is a cause, the awareness of which will help in eliminating the symptom.
Often the reasons are hidden benefits. For example, I always stack towels in my closet, forming nice, even piles. Even if it’s not very convenient, and there’s no time to lay it out. Why am I doing this? The first thing that comes to mind is that it should be beautiful! But after talking to myself frankly, I realize that my mother, looking into the closet, as she often does absolutely unceremoniously, would praise me. Why do I need her praise? Then they praise the good and the right. I want to be good. That's where the dog is buried. 
It's not about beauty, it's about wanting to be good. I just don’t feel good and I need my mom to remind me of this periodically. So I use a stack of towels.
These reflections lead to the most important postulate or axiom of a perfectionist:
PERSONALITY IS WHAT I DO!
But is it?
Actions are only what a person does. They cannot limit the personality and give its full characteristics. We are all inherently good. But sometimes we do bad things. Well, he acted rudely on public transport, for example, he was rude. There was no mood. I realized it right away and apologized. I realized it later and decided to hold back next time. Did you become bad and unworthy after this? Of course not.
Try to remember situations from childhood when you were criticized, compared with other children, and your personal value and significance were reduced. Remember your feelings. Determine for yourself what was in your power at that moment, what could you control as a child? Perhaps the demands of adults were too high or incomprehensible to you? And most importantly. Have childhood feelings really disappeared? Probably not.
The best way to get rid of them is the following exercise:
- Lie down on a flat surface (floor, bed).
- Close your eyes.
- Remember the situation in detail: where were you, what were you doing, what were you wearing, what sounds did you hear, what smells did you hear, what attracted your attention?
- Describe the people in the situation: what they said, with what intonation, their gestures. Get into the situation as much as possible. Feel like the child you were then.
- Remember the motivation for your action/mistake, the reason. Why did they act this way and not otherwise? Why were they exactly like that (a poor student, a slob, incompetent, etc.)? Find your argument (I was too young, didn’t know how yet, they prevented me from doing well, I was distracted, I never liked playing the piano, etc.).
- And now, keeping your argument in mind, shout with all your might I’M NOT GUILTY! Scream until you feel physically tired. You might want to cry, that's normal.
We struggle with shortcomings
A perfectionist tends to struggle with his shortcomings or shortcomings in business. Moreover, it’s not easy to correct mistakes or smooth out rough edges, but to fight and hate yourself for having them.
But personality is a multifaceted being. We all have both advantages and disadvantages. We all make mistakes. Sometimes we are rude. We show weakness. We are slowing down. But all these qualities do not make us nonentities, but unique people.
After all, the combination of advantages and disadvantages in different proportions is what makes us special, unlike others.
Naturally, we need to get rid of shortcomings. But the trick is that a perfectionist is so absorbed in his guilt that he completely devalues himself. He has no positive qualities and that's all. Is it possible? Of course not.
What to do?
There is a wonderful exercise “What Am I?”, the essence of which is as follows:
- Take a sheet of paper and divide it into two columns.
- Write your strengths in one, and your weaknesses in the other. Just so that there are many qualities in each column.
- Now let’s look at the first one – with its merits. Sweet, courteous, diligent, diligent, punctual, altruistic. Think about when and in what situations are you COMFORTABLE NOT BEING nice, polite, diligent, etc.?
- Do the same work on your shortcomings. Lazy, trouble-free, arrogant. In what situations is it COMFORTABLE TO BE lazy and arrogant?
What's the point? Those qualities that a perfectionist considers to be his virtues are, in essence, imposed from outside by society. Those qualities that he considers to be shortcomings are often exactly what makes ordinary people out of people. This is something that a person cannot afford, because he must be ideal for society. 
Looking at yourself, as if from the outside, you will be convinced that sometimes being lazy is good for your health, and arrogant people are good at defending their personal boundaries and saying “No,” and such individuals have problems with this matter.
Let your shortcomings become a resource!
Learning to say "NO"
Perfectionists often suffer from the inability to refuse. Indeed, how can you refuse a request if the task is to be good to everyone? On the one hand, you are a person who can always be counted on to help in any situation and help out. But how do you live with this? Do you really do everything that others ask for with enthusiasm and a sincere desire to help? Surely not.
Therefore, ALWAYS, when a request is voiced, ask yourself first of all: “WHY DO I NEED THIS?”
If the answer is from the series: “To be good, to be thought of positively, so as not to offend someone...”, politely refuse. And refuse until you answer yourself something like: “I will do this because I love this person, learn something, get benefit, get joy from doing good to someone, etc.” . The difference in these motivations is obvious - in the first case you are focused on others, in the second - on yourself. Without a doubt, there is no urgent need to become a beech and a redneck. Friends, loved ones and loved ones will not go anywhere with their requests. This is fine. 
- Inflated level of aspirations and high demands on oneself;
- High performance standards and focus on the “most successful”;
- Perceiving other people as demanding and critical;
- Constantly comparing yourself with others;
- Assessment and planning of activities according to the “all or nothing” principle (polarized thinking);
- Focusing on your own failures and mistakes.
- When I'm working on something, I can't relax until it's perfect.
- Being the best is my life's goal.
- People must do everything efficiently if they undertake something.
- If I make even a small mistake, those around me will not forgive me.
- In any business you need to give all your best.
- You don’t need to leave people any reason to doubt your perfection.
- I try not to communicate with people who do not strive for anything
- I need material proof of my success.
- It irritates me when people make mistakes in simple matters.
- I don't respect ordinary, unremarkable people.
- The people I value shouldn't let me down.
- All things are equally important.
- I am constantly working on myself, striving to be better every day, with every next task.
- I get upset if I find a mistake in my work.
- Learn to distinguish goals according to their importance, set priorities and distribute your efforts in the best way.
- Learn to relax. To maintain physical and emotional health, alternate between stress and rest.
- Stop comparing yourself to other people. Recognize and appreciate your own uniqueness and the uniqueness of other people. Rejoice in your own and other people’s successes, without berating yourself for failures, but perceiving them as an integral, normal part of life.
- Praise yourself. Learn to see in yourself not only shortcomings, but also advantages that are not related to achievements and success.
- Become more forgiving of your shortcomings and remind yourself of your strengths more often.
Achieving the best results is a commendable quality of character. However, what if it becomes hypertrophied and subjugates a person’s entire life? The desire for better results and achieving goals is familiar to everyone. However, it happens that a person devotes a significant part of his life, or even all of it, to being perfect always and everywhere. He perceives any failure as a failure, a humiliating defeat, which, in turn, only strengthens his desire to do everything even better next time. Psychologists call such people perfectionists. perfection
- perfection), and the painful desire for perfection - perfectionism.
The Power of Obsession
Perfectionism can be divided into three degrees of severity: weak, medium and strong.
Perfectionism is episodic and appears only in certain situations. For example, a person, buying something, planning a vacation or going to a restaurant, at some point may show persistent selectivity, the desire to choose the best possible. Or he suddenly discovers an increased tendency to look for shortcomings in the purchased product, but after a while he calms down or switches to another activity. Later, he himself is surprised: why did such a, by and large, trifle suddenly seem important to him? This is a completely healthy manifestation of perfectionism.
Average degree of perfectionism
The pursuit of perfection begins to occupy a significant part of life. Usually it manifests itself in one area, for example, at work. A person notices that it is extremely important for him that everything is in order, in its place, and carried out in the most proper way. He gets very upset and angry when there is someone or something not so perfect. It is often said about such a person that he suffers from “excellent student syndrome.”
The obsession with perfection was clearly demonstrated in the film Black Swan.
Darren Aronofsky. The main character Nina spends all her strength trying to achieve
perfection in literally every ballet step, to perform everything as correctly as possible.
Tormented by constant self-dissatisfaction, driven by a desperate attempt to achieve
recognition, Nina is afraid of competition and tries to practice even more. However
her movements, although executed perfectly, lose their charm due to the cold
mechanicalness, which the ballerina is constantly reminded by her director.
High degree of perfectionism
Perfectionism becomes a stable personal behavioral model that subjugates all others. It is vital for a person that everything be perfect. The passion for perfection turns into a real obsession over which control is lost. When they talk about perfectionism, they usually mean its medium and strong degrees: the desire for perfection leaves an imprint on a person’s character and life.
Perfectionism on the outside
Psychological and social portrait of a perfectionist
A 100% perfectionist from the outside looks like an arrogant, arrogant and selfish person. If he is already confident in something, it is difficult to convince him, and he is hardly ready to take into account the opinions of others.
When communicating with a perfectionist, you get the feeling that he is only interested in his own achievements and status. Prestige is of great importance to him; he likes to feel like a person with special privileges. With a perfectionist, those around them understand that they and their actions are constantly being evaluated. For him, the world has a clear hierarchy, dividing into those who are lower - for whom he feels disgust and condescending pity, and those who are higher - with this he is painfully envious, but masks envy with contempt.
In the eternal pursuit of the ideal
A perfectionist is ready to do anything to achieve a goal. He does not tolerate failures and mistakes, so he carefully monitors the fulfillment of obligations and keeps his emotions under control. In the world, according to a perfectionist, everything should be right. He is disappointed when faced with the opposite. And this happens quite often, because his ideas about the ideal are often unrealistically inflated.
A perfectionist is obsessed with his ideas about what is ideal and perfect. Other people, in his opinion, should correspond to this grandiose image, be a match for him. If someone expresses doubts about his position and beliefs, he risks receiving sarcastic remarks and ridicule.
Relationship drama
In close relationships, a perfectionist is perceived as cold and distant. He may say something offensive or cause pain and not notice it. His loved one must live up to the ideal. For a perfectionist, what he wears and how he looks is much more important than how he feels. If at some point a perfectionist suddenly sees that his love has ceased to be an ideal, he perceives this as a betrayal and experiences disappointment and anger. And then he can easily reject his loved one.
Perfectionism from within
Let's try to look into the inner world of a perfectionist. This will make it possible to understand him a little better and, perhaps, to feel sympathy and empathy.
- In fact, a perfectionist desperately needs understanding, human warmth and support, but does not know how to receive it. He is alienated from those around him and suffers from it. He is also alienated from himself - deep down he has real feelings, but he runs away from them.
- The perfectionist’s exaggerated demands on himself and others are accompanied by colossal internal tension. He is tired of being forced to spend all his strength on meeting his own ideas about the ideal.
- It is really difficult for a perfectionist to admit that he is wrong about something. Because a perfectionist's self-esteem is supported only by his achievements, he takes his failures and mistakes too personally. If someone discovers his imperfections, the perfectionist experiences such a feeling of shame and rage that he finds it difficult to cope with it.
- When reaching a new height or goal, a perfectionist is not able to enjoy success, but is forced to hide it. Otherwise, he will be considered weak, which does not correspond to his ideal image. And here he feels shame.
- It is unbearable for him to be in contact with people who behave informally. He feels shame and, instantly defending himself from this experience, devalues them.
- The perfectionist suffers deeply from internal self-judgment, defending himself by blaming others.
- He is jealous of others and carefully hides it. It happens that from oneself.
- The perfectionist is afraid that someone will discover the fragility and artificiality of the majestic grandiose image he created. He is forced to spend a lot of energy maintaining it, which exhausts him greatly.
- A perfectionist does not know the feeling of powerlessness. It is difficult for him to come to terms with what he cannot change.
What is the cause of perfectionism?
Usually the reason lies in early childhood and the characteristics of upbringing. Let's look at a classic example.
Parents consider it their main task to motivate their child to succeed and in every possible way support his desire to achieve. They reward with praise and give love only if the child meets their expectations: an excellent student, obedient, exemplary. And if he does something wrong, they react with strict prohibitions. Perhaps they humiliate and shame.
Why do they do this? Parents place their hopes and aspirations on the child, believe that he is special, and support this belief in him. And thus they satisfy their own need for achievement, proudly declaring to others how wonderful their son (or daughter) is in all respects.
"Program" for life
Over time, such a child gets used to ignoring his desires and feelings. He pays attention only to what is socially approved, worthy, and prestigious. As a result, he is forced to achieve these goals, hoping to receive a reward, as in childhood. However, she does not bring him the desired pleasure. And somewhere deep inside himself he understands: this is not at all what he needs.
Modern research in psychology shows that
The reverse side of the “excellent student syndrome” most often turns out to be
chronic fatigue, constant overstrain, dissatisfaction
oneself and others, disappointment and apathy.
How to deal with perfectionism?
Let's say you realized that your loved one or acquaintance turned out to be a perfectionist. Stop being angry with him and try to understand him. A good result of such understanding will be a warm and kind attitude towards this person. Moreover, he really misses it so much.
If you suspect that you yourself are a perfectionist, try to honestly answer the question: how vital and important is it for you to be perfect and ideal, to achieve the best result no matter what, always and everywhere?
If you are quite capable of surviving the disappointment of a failed project or unachieved goal and finding the strength to move on, then you have nothing to worry about. If the image of a perfectionist is close to you and you are obsessed with perfection, try turning to a psychologist for help. After all, solving such a serious psychological problem requires a real specialist. And let it be imperfect.
Expert: Galina Filippova, general practitioner, candidate of medical sciences
Pavel Sobolevsky, psychologist
