How to become a happy and independent person. How to be happy every day

If you ask people: “What do you want?”, the answers will be very different. “Lose weight, become rich, love, a dog, a good job, success...” If at this moment you ask the question: “Why do you need this?”, then the answer will be the same. “To become happy!”

If you ask people: “What do you want?”, the answers will be very different.

“Lose weight, become rich, love, a dog, a good job, success...” If at this moment you ask the question: “Why do you need this?”, then the answer will be the same. “To become happy!”

Happiness is the meaning, purpose and main direction of a person's life.

It is disguised as various understandable, material and familiar things- money, career, children, love, health - but these are just components of the global emotional, physical and moral comfort that everyone strives for.

You shouldn’t perceive “happiness” as an end point that you can reach once and for all. This is a feeling, state or experience that accompanies a person every day, bringing joy, giving self-confidence and making life meaningful.

“Generally speaking, one should begin by identifying the factors that lead to happiness and the factors that lead to suffering. After this, you need to gradually eliminate from your life those factors that lead to suffering and strengthen those that lead to happiness. This is the meaning of my idea.”

“The art of being happy. Guide for Life" Dalai Lama XIV

So, where should you start to find happiness?

1. Sleep and nutrition

The smallest and most important thing that needs to be provided. There will always be many other “meaningful” things for which you will sacrifice sleep or proper nutrition.

This is the foundation for the overall health of the body, for the production of hormones, for brain function and resource recovery.

It is impossible to watch TV shows all night during the week, work late, not follow a routine and feel good in the morning.

Consider sleep and food as a “mandatory hygiene procedure” that will become a healthy habit.

2. Physical activity and sex life

To enjoy life, a person must feel good physically. Pay maximum attention to physical activity.

This doesn't mean you have to spend 24 hours in the gym. It’s enough to start with daily walks and a properly selected set of exercises that you will enjoy doing.

To start, include at least an hour of walking in your daily routine. Walking has been shown to be effective in combating depression and anxiety.

Sexual needs are natural for a healthy body. Their satisfaction leads to a decrease in aggression and discontent, a feeling of joy, well-being and a positive perception of the world.

3. Financial solvency

In the modern world, money gives a feeling of confidence in the future, security, and control over the situation. For many, this factor becomes a “stumbling block”, a problem that cannot be resolved and overcome.

N It’s worth starting with the rational distribution of available funds. Learn tools to help you plan your finances correctly. These could be mobile apps, spreadsheets, or just lists.

Carefully keep records of income and expenses, follow your goals, analyze where and how you spend, and after a certain period of time you will develop financial discipline. And she, in turn, will give a sense of control and confidence necessary for a comfortable life.

4. Social connections

A person feels good when he receives support, approval, understanding, acceptance and love from others.

In a long-term experiment conducted by Harvard University, it was found that people who have good, warm, trusting relationships with others live longer, healthier and happier. However, it is the quality, not the quantity, of the relationship that matters.

Having a loved one, a true friend, a reliable partner will definitely make you happier than a dozen superficial acquaintances.

5. Motivation and awareness Be aware of what, when, why and why you are doing. There are no things that are clearly bad or good, right or wrong.

There is a motive and your actions, it is important to understand where they will lead you.

If you have an uninteresting, unloved job, ask the question: “Why am I holding on to it?” If you are surrounded by evil or stupid people, ask: “Why am I with them?” If you are bored or sad, find out: “What do I want?”

Track your real desires, look for ways to satisfy them, harmonize your needs and actions.

6. Self-development Pay attention to things that make you better, smarter, more complex, happier.

Don’t try to tackle all areas of your life at once - this is an impossible plan, and failure will have a bad effect on your motivation to continue.– learn something new at work, read books that you always didn’t have time for, sign up for courses, take up photography or clay modeling, go to the gym or take a parachute jump.

The goal is to reveal your potential as fully and comprehensively as possible, to become who you can be at the peak of your personal abilities, not to remain within given stereotypes and boundaries, but to correspond to your inner nature.

Becoming happy is a conscious decision, the implementation of which requires effort at the initial stage.

The good news is that the further process will become self-regulating and will certainly lead to the desired goal.

Elena Grositskaya

P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness, we are changing the world together! © econet

Hello, friends! Sasha is on air... Today I want to raise a question that millions of people ask themselves - how to become a happy person: psychology can help you, my dears)

In general, this is one of a series of questions for which there is no clear answer. Everyone strives to get into this wonderful world of happiness, but no one knows exactly what kind of world it is, where to look for it and what they are looking for in general.

What does it mean to “become a happy person,” and what is not happiness at all?

“Are you happy?” Ever heard this question? Or maybe they asked themselves this question: “Am I happy?” How many people can answer this question with confidence? I think no.

Let’s, before we talk about how it is, where to look and all that, let’s talk about what they mistakenly consider happiness and blindly chase the “ghost”.

Often, the search for the best resembles some kind of game of a blind kitten, which rushes back and forth in search of its fish, and finds either a slipper or a dog bone, which obviously does not please the hungry cat.

And so he, disappointed, begins his path again, rushing from corner to corner. But everything is useless, because he doesn’t even know what this very fish looks like, he doesn’t know what he’s looking for and therefore he can spend his whole life, but never find anything.

And what’s also important is that it’s not a fact that this fish is happiness. Maybe he needs milk, but he doesn’t understand it.

• Many people think:
• I'll buy myself a new cool smartphone
• I'll go to another country
• I'll get a new job
• I will change my wife (husband)

I'll make a lot of money... and be happy!

But all this is only temporary satisfaction of desires. You get tired of one thing, the need for something else appears and again blind searches.

Happiness is not something external. This is not buying something or changing your place of residence or partner. It is within us. This is harmony with oneself, confidence, the ability to rejoice and look at the world positively.

But it’s not enough to just understand that it lives in us, like “ah, I understand and now I’ll be all so joyful!” No, if until today you have confused the concepts of happiness and temporary satisfaction, then you have a lot of work ahead of you!

If you don’t experience a single drop of happiness where you are now, among the blessings that you have, you see only bad things everywhere and everywhere, you blame all your failures on other people and circumstances, then you will never see happiness anywhere!

Sounds like a sentence, right? But not everything is so scary, there is a way out - the main thing here is to admit to yourself that you need to change yourself first, and not the external attributes of life.

If you do not admit this to yourself, then you will rush around all your life in search of some illusory happiness, until you are covered with sad wrinkles on an eternally dissatisfied face.

All of the above does not mean that a happy person does not have desires and needs for some external goods. He also wants to have a strong family, a good job and other joys of life.

The only difference is that he does not depend on his desires. The absence of something does not make him unhappy and embittered towards the whole world. He also strives to improve his external life, but without fanaticism.

He calmly moves towards his goal without destroying himself from the inside. He doesn’t panic if his wife is not as slender as his neighbor’s or that he still doesn’t have a three-story cottage and a private jet.

I’ll try to give you some tips, which for me personally are a kind of cheat sheet, from the moment I got “lost and lost”... It helps me and I believe that these tips will be useful to you too.

1) Stop complaining about life

There are people who are just waiting for the moment to sit in someone’s ear and cry about their unfortunate fate. Are you sure that this is interesting to someone?

Well, yes, yes, psychologists say “speak it out, it will become easier” and somewhere this is true, I cried and it seemed like my heart was relieved a little, but damn it doesn’t mean that you need to annoy everyone with your problems! People have enough of their own!

And in general, I think so... it’s one thing to talk it out to a girlfriend (friend) or a psychologist once, and another thing to piss everyone off every day... and... if you endlessly hammer someone’s brains with your life’s disadvantages, then that means you are not able to cope with them at all.

And this is no big deal!! And if so, then something needs to be done about it.

Try to analyze in your head everything that worries you so much. Think about it, is it so scary and serious? Does this or that situation have a solution? Can you influence the improvement of this negative point?

If you understand that you can fix the situation, then go ahead! Correct, change, act in the end, and don’t cry feeling sorry for yourself!

If you understand that you can’t change a damn thing, that nothing depends on you at all, then think - is it worth worrying at all? Accept everything as it is and try to switch to something else. Why pick a stone fence with a toothpick(?)

To understand the complexity or simplicity of negativity, I would advise you to be alone with yourself. Turn off everything - telephone, TV, Internet, and even put aside your favorite book (if you have one).

Clear everything away and think about what's bothering you. Think about everything and make the only right decision for yourself - “I can fix it or I can’t”, and then continue according to the text above.

2) Be responsible for yourself and your life

Finally understand that you yourself are responsible for your life! It's no one's fault that you didn't take the path you wanted.

No, well, of course there are such tyrant parents and even wives who try to impose on you the lifestyle that they consider correct. But eventually learn to resist!

This is your life and only you can decide how to live it! And to say that someone is ruining it for you and all that—well, at least the words of a weakling. Can’t you say “I don’t want that!”??

Do you know who most often teaches “to live”? As a rule, these are those who themselves have not achieved anything in life and are now trying to convey to you their supposedly conscious mistakes. They think this will help you.

But they are not at all interested in what YOU want! They think they know what's best for you, and you most likely believe it. Not worth it. You have your own life and only you know what you need and what you want.

And only you are responsible for yourself!

If you don't like something in your life, change it! Stop looking for someone to blame for your failures. No one decides for you how to live!!! Remember this.

Tell yourself “I am responsible for myself, only I decide what my life will be like” and stop justifying your failures behind someone else! ? No? Then stop crying!

3) Don't regret the past

Why torment yourself with the past, regret something, about what was done and what wasn’t? Eating yourself won't make you feel any better.

Accept past mistakes as experience from which you need to draw conclusions and not step on the same rake again.

Memories and regrets can hurt! Do you need it? Let go of the past and live in the present and future.

4) Do you have a goal in life?

Most people live by the principle of “whatever happens.” Those. They just live, they don’t set any goals for themselves - they wake up, go to work, go to the store in the evening, come back, have dinner, go to bed.

It's like Groundhog Day. The maximum they strive for is a vacation once a year and a pension at the end of their lives. But at the same time, many feel crazy about more successful people, whose lives are much more active and interesting.

They envy, but are in no hurry to change something... They are afraid to deviate from the course of habits and try something new. And it is precisely this new thing that often saves a person from boredom and the feeling of “I’m not happy.”

5) Learn to ignore the opinions of others that you don’t need

People love to give advice, criticize, and even laugh at the goals and actions of others. But is it worth focusing on this and quitting doing something just because someone doesn’t think it’s “right”?

Stop being afraid of what people will think of you! Live your life with your own head. I'm not saying that you should completely and completely not give a damn about society, but...

6) Positive thinking and the ability to be happy is daily work on yourself

You can’t become a happy person overnight just by listening to some advice. Only daily work on yourself can lead you to this world of happiness that you dream of.

Learning to look at things differently, to see not only the bad in what surrounds you is not so easy when a negative attitude towards everything has become a kind of habit.

People in the same conditions can feel completely different.

And let both have a yacht on the shore of their own beach, or both will light a stove in a remote village - the perception of the world around them in the same conditions will be different.

It’s easier to say, one will be happy to chop wood, and the other will cry over his fate. Or one will be happy looking at his beach, rejoice that he was able to achieve success, while for the second everything will not be enough and he will continue to feel unhappy.

7) Being unhappy is much easier than being happy

Returning to everything written above, we can definitely say that it is more difficult to be a happy person than an unhappy one. If only because you need to work hard on yourself.

Admitting your shortcomings and the fact that no one is to blame for your misfortunes but yourself can be very difficult.

Learning to look at the world differently, to think differently - all this cannot be done in one day. It seems I've already started repeating myself.

Don't try to change everything at once

You probably have hundreds of questions in your head right now: “Where to start? How can I change everything at once?” etc. There is no need to try to change everything in your life at once!

Go through the points, you can even make a plan for yourself and follow it.

And the best thing would be to start by recognizing the true reasons for an unhappy life and want... really want to change everything! Only by truly wanting something can you achieve what you want!

This is where I’ll probably end my article today. Thank you all for your attention!)

I hope I answered the question of how to become a happy person and now, together with you, I will continue to follow the advice and become happier!)

There are still many interesting topics ahead, so subscribe to everything new, I promise not to flood your inbox with junk!)

See you soon! Be happy! And take care of your family, loved ones and loved ones... This makes them happy.

Always with you, Sasha Bogdanova

Text: practicing psychologist Elena Sultanova

Happiness is a state to which, consciously or not, almost everyone strives. Another thing is that everyone has their own happiness: some have a prosperous family, some have professional self-realization, some have material wealth.

Being a happy person is both simple and difficult. The difficulty is that in order to become happy, you need to know some conditions for achieving happiness, more about them below. But the main difficulty is that happiness has ceased to be interesting to people. Almost any modern book, film or song can easily convince you of this: the fate of the heroes is distorted by some tragedy, someone’s untimely death, an accident, unrequited love. And thus, we learn to empathize not with happiness, but with misfortune. And it is misfortune that we most often try on ourselves. Anyone who is happy is of no interest to anyone, at best. And at worst, it causes hostility. Remember how Toska said in “Girls”: “You are happy, Katka, but happiness blinds people.”

Another difficulty on the path to happiness is our misconception that happiness is difficult to achieve. We are generally accustomed to thinking that good things must be earned, and that what comes easily is worth nothing. There is even an expression - “hard-earned happiness.” Often, instead of becoming truly happy, we begin to obtain this happiness by inventing obstacles and suffering for ourselves out of the blue. We don't believe in happiness if it just comes into our hands. We consider real what has been suffered, obtained, earned, and never what was easily and joyfully in our hands.

How can one still be happy?

• 1 Determine the parameters of your happiness Remember that being happy is also a goal. And in order to achieve the goal, you need to see it, know it. Determine for yourself by what signs you will understand that you are happy, otherwise it may come without you even noticing. If happiness for you is when you are loved, decide how you will understand that you are loved. The more parameters and characteristics you find, the clearer your goal will be and the easier the path to it. Try to play at your happiness. Remember how we used to play mother and daughter and build an ideal family and an ideal home? Try your happiness by taste, color, smell. Choose key roles and settings - this will determine where your happiness is possible and with whom.
• 2 State what brings you pleasure in life In order to feel happy, it is important not only to paint the scenery, but also to fill it with things that bring you joy. Make your list of what invariably makes you happy and gives you pleasure, something without which life would turn into dull everyday life. This could be weekly gatherings with friends in a cafe, a new book, shopping, etc. Make it a rule to periodically check your list, and as you implement it, cross something off and add something. See how much of this list you implement in your life. If it’s not enough, then what’s stopping you? Check how you can realize what brings you joy. Maybe for this you will have to give up some boring and uninteresting things.
• 3 Live in the moment You cannot be happy yesterday or tomorrow, only today. Remember that only in the present time do we have all our strength, energy, and attention at our disposal. During the day, listen to your thoughts - you will find yourself thinking about what happened yesterday, as well as what will happen tomorrow. So it may turn out that you are practically not in the present. Therefore, become happy right here and now. If nothing makes you happy in the present, then it is very likely that the future will not make you very happy either, because it also tends to someday become the present.
• 4 Rely on what you are willing to do Happiness must certainly be built on a combination of “I can” and “I want.” It’s not enough to want something, you also need to be able and ready to do it, otherwise happiness will turn into a soap bubble that will burst one day, leaving disappointment in its place. Remember again the parameters of your happiness and look at the list that you made in point 2 - this is what you want. But what of this do you want and are you ready to do in order to be happy? Remember that your list should only contain things that you can do for yourself. Because “everyone is the architect of his own happiness.”
• 5 Accept yourself for who you are Happiness is built on accepting yourself as a person, on agreeing to be who you are. American psychologists have a saying: “If you are in Chicago, then you cannot call from anywhere but from Chicago.” This means that if you want to be happy, then you can only do this from the state in which you are now. Happiness is not built on who you will one day become, but on who you already are. Write down your strengths on a piece of paper, study it and remember: your strengths are what you can rely on in life. Write down your shortcomings on a piece of paper and do the following thing: turn each shortcoming into a virtue. Remember: “I’m not a brake, I’m a slow gas”? Or “I’m not boring, I just pay a lot of attention to detail.” Or “yes, I am like that, and this is my way of acting”?
• 6 Shape your employment Life is more interesting the more activities we are involved in. We often dream about relaxation, about the opportunity not to work. However, according to psychological research, the less busy we are with something, the more likely we are to become fixated on one activity or to settle for a less desirable activity. This is why there are more dysfunctional women among housewives than among women who work a lot.

At the very beginning, we said that being happy is not only difficult, but also simple. In order to be happy, you only need an inner desire and intention to be happy. It is not circumstances that make a person happy, but the internal readiness to be happy and the ability to be content with what he has. Surely everyone is familiar with the state when everything seems to be there for happiness, but there is no happiness itself. But happiness does not come when there are no problems. When you are happy, troubles and failures can happen in life. However, a happy person understands that there can be troubles and failures, and accepts them not as obstacles, but as springboards - in order to better push off.

Every person wants to find his own happiness. Many will spend their entire lives searching for it and never find it. In most cases, something constantly prevents people from being happy: difficulties, defeats, minor troubles. When do you want to feel like a happy person?

How to become happy

Live here and now

Everything is very simple, happiness - . It often seems that it is very close: “I’ll be patient a little longer (I’ll lose weight, meet true love, he (she) will change), and finally life will improve.” Unfortunately, the idea that happiness is somewhere ahead, around the corner, is a big and insidious delusion. If there is no feeling of happiness now, then it will not appear tomorrow. If the world is gray and angry now, why will it suddenly change tomorrow?

To become a happy person, notice all the good things that you saw, received and felt today, and you will see how many reasons you will have to be happy. What your life is filled with is your happiness - friends, your favorite job or your business, hobbies, travel, people who are really dear to you and who do not mind spending their time on you. What else is there to be happy about?

Happiness is in the little things

No matter how trivial it may sound. Most people expect that “happiness” will suddenly fall on them like a boulder. And that’s why they look for it in some global things and extraordinary states - fairy-tale love, eternal luck, constant achievements (and while this is not there, then there is no happiness either). This is a trap. You can raise the bar to any height, but you will never reach it. Or you can move forward from one small victory to another, achieve a feasible goal and be happy about it and be it.

Difficulties and disappointments are not yet a reason to feel unhappy. Our whole life is a zebra crossing. There is no success without failure, because it is not for nothing that they say “every cloud has a silver lining.” Happiness is not the absence of problems and troubles. Everyone has them. The whole difference is in who reacts to them and how. Some perceive failure as bad luck, others as a new life experience. Of course, the accumulated baggage of life significantly affects our character and mood. Previous experience is varied. Not always cheerful and pleasant, but still very valuable. It helps you reconsider many things, your environment, your behavior, as well as realize something and not repeat mistakes, learn and move on. Every test in life gives something to a person and enriches him in some way: if today you were robbed on the bus, it means that tomorrow you will be more attentive. If, roughly speaking, you mess up at work, then next time you will be careful.

When making any choice, a person makes the best decision. First of all, for yourself! The best - from the point of view of that period of life and that view of the situation, from the point of view of existing strengths, abilities and capabilities. It is quite possible that in the future the decision made will turn out to be a mistake, but it was then, at that moment in time, that it was the most correct.

Remember, don’t persuade yourself, but remember and understand that everything that happens in your life is necessary and right for you personally. Even if you once again meet the “wrong” people and make the same mistakes, it means that you need this “rake” for something. Look at the situation from the outside, maybe you are doing something wrong.

Happiness is in you

The feeling of happiness, like self-confidence, cannot be obtained from the outside. No one can make another happy. Happiness “grows” only from within. Only the ability to rejoice makes a person happy. Don't look for happiness. It is always within yourself.

Every person deserves happiness

Many people live with full confidence that happiness is difficult to achieve, it must be “earned”, “cryed out”, but it is not given just like that. It's a bullshit. We can get all the best things in life - smiles, kisses, good memories, communication, meetings - for free. It's very simple: there are no keys to happiness. The door is always open.

What to do to become a happy person

1. To become a happy person, learn not to be led by bad circumstances. React to any difficulties in a non-standard way. Instead of sitting down and being sad, go for a walk and eat something delicious, in other words, have fun. But of course not with the help of alcohol, it will only worsen the situation. When truly terrible things happen (the death of a loved one, for example), it is difficult, of course, to pretend that nothing happened. But you still have to accept it and move on. And no matter how loud it may sound, make new victories for the sake of this person.

2. Take care and pamper yourself, learn to listen to your body and your soul, do more often what brings you joy, and thank the Universe for what you have.

3. Think positively, learn to enjoy life. The life that exists here and now, and not the life that is seen in dreams or waiting “around the corner.”

Be happy!

What does it take to become a happy person? Many people think that for this they need something external: money, love, someone’s respect, and so on. Of course, these things will not interfere with happiness, but they are not decisive. Happiness is not something that can be acquired - it is an entire outlook on the world.

Events constantly happen to us and a lot depends on how we interpret them. For example, if it started to rain, someone will say “Oh my, it’s raining again!”, and someone will say “Wow! Rain! Class!". The event is the same, but it can cause diametrically opposite feelings.

The secret to becoming a happy person lies in changing your perception. How to do this will be discussed in this article.

What is happiness?

In order to figure out how to become a happy person, you first need to understand what happiness is.

After all, happiness cannot be touched or described. In essence, it’s just a word that means that we feel good. But for some reason this is not enough for many. They are waiting for something so supernatural, significant, that it goes far beyond the scope of their natural experience, and at the same time this state should always exist!

Is this achievable? If you put the question like that, then it’s unlikely. It's better to think about something else.

How do you know when you are happy?

The lack of happiness in many people is that they simply do not understand what it is, and therefore are unable to recognize the good in their lives. Try answering these questions for yourself:

1. What do you need to get to be happy?
2. How should you feel?
3. Why can't you feel it now?

When do we feel good? We feel good when our life becomes better. When there is something to compare with. For example, if we were very hungry and then ate something, then we feel that we feel good. Or when a person could not go to the toilet for a long, long time and suddenly this desire was satisfied, then he feels very good!

In order to feel happiness, it is necessary to have some kind of relative point with which we can compare.

Note, not just so that our lives improve, but so that we feel this process and pay attention to it.

Many people, remembering their childhood and youth, believe that it was then that they were happy, although when they were young, they did not think so. Why is this happening? Because in our youth, many things really were better: our health was better, some positive dynamics were observed, every day we became smarter, stronger, received more rights, we had more opportunities. But in their youth, people do not pay attention to this and therefore do not feel happiness.

Only after losing their health do many people understand what a blessing it is to have health.

Only after losing love do many understand what a blessing it was to have it.

These are the simple secrets.

What makes up our response model?

So, the secret of happiness is to positively assess your current situation. But this is easier said than done. After all, we evaluate our lives not only with our minds, but also with our emotions.

Emotions do not arise out of emptiness. They are always determined by our attitude to the situation. Roughly speaking, we first evaluate some process, and then, based on this conclusion, we develop emotions.

For example, a person got stuck in a traffic jam. This is a situation that is beyond our control. And our emotions depend on what mental conclusion we made about this. Someone may look at this situation positively, “It’s a pity, but at least I have time to listen to an audiobook,” while others will take a completely negative view from this situation, “These road workers again! Is it really impossible to work at night? Radishes! Scoundrels!” Accordingly, completely different emotional reactions will arise.

It is from such emotional reactions that our attitude towards the world as a whole, towards ourselves, our life, and towards people is formed. What is the difference between these two people? Why do they give such different assessments of the same events? It's all about automatic thoughts that flash through your head in a split second.

Automatic thoughts and happiness

All people have heard about the subconscious, but few people understand what it is. Most people believe that this is almost a second consciousness in our heads. In fact, it is still the same consciousness, but just in a slightly different mode of operation.

The subconscious is those functions that our brain performs automatically. For example, the process of walking or breathing. We can exercise control over these functions if necessary, but in most cases this is not necessary.

Similar automatisms exist in thinking. You can read more about this in the article “Collapsed Thoughts.” These are usually judgments about various aspects of reality.

For example, a driver who endlessly scolds other drivers for driving poorly may be guided by the following automatic judgment: “They're doing it wrong again!”

A person with such an automatic thought constantly interprets any situation that is inconvenient for him as the result of someone else's stupidity or malicious intent. He does this without any analysis, automatically. Next comes the turn of the next automatic thought. “If someone is wrong, you need to get angry.”

As a result, such a person constantly experiences anger over all sorts of little things. He becomes irritable, he experiences extreme stress, because “everyone around him is wrong and he needs to be angry about this.”

Agree that it is quite difficult to become a happy person with such an attitude towards life.

One automatic thought leads to another. Thus, a scenario for responding to some type of similar situations arises. For example:

Something unfavorable to us happens → Someone is to blame for this → We need to get angry → We need to express our dissatisfaction

But it’s not necessarily someone’s fault, it’s not necessary to be angry because of this, and it’s not necessary to express dissatisfaction. Unfortunately, automatic thoughts usually cause us to react in a typical way.

Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) we are designed in such a way as to simplify the thinking process and make as few decisions as possible. To do this, we automate this process. But we can change the very program we are following. By the way, helping with this is the essence of my work.

After all, what is the feeling of happiness? This is simply the total amount of positive emotions per day. A lot of positive emotions - we are happy, a little positive - we are unhappy and everything is bad.

The amount of positive emotions is directly related to our thinking scenario.

Beliefs and happiness

In addition to automatic thoughts, our perceptions are greatly influenced by beliefs.

If automatic thoughts are something like a script along which our thoughts move, then beliefs are the building blocks from which our knowledge about the world is formed.

For example, there may be the beliefs “The world is a hostile and meaningless place,” “People are bad and there is nothing to love them for,” or there may be the beliefs “The world takes care of me. Everything is for the better!”, “Most people are kind and sympathetic.”

In fact, both are simplifications. The world is too complex to fit into any framework. However, such beliefs shape our response patterns.

We are forced to simplify our view of the world in order to somehow exist in it and develop some kind of position on what is happening. We need axioms from which we can build.

However, it is much more beneficial to perceive the world positively. Firstly, this makes us happier, and secondly, a positive outlook on things increases our initiative and energy.

Therefore, in order to become a happy person, you need to revise your beliefs.

In order to become happy, you need to change your attitude towards many areas of life.

The right way of life for a happy person

The basis for a good mood is the proper use of our body. For this:

1. Keep a daily routine. You need to sleep at least 8 hours. In addition, if you want to have time to live, then it is advisable to go to bed at 22 and get up at 6 o’clock.
2. Eat right. That's right - it's like in kindergarten.
3. Play sports or move a lot.
4. Be outdoors and in nature.

Change your attitude towards yourself.

Beliefs and automatic thoughts related to self-esteem are critical to happiness. In order for a person to feel happy, he needs to feel that he is okay.

Even if a person has everything he could dream of, but at the same time he feels insignificant, it will be extremely difficult for him to feel good.
There is a whole complex of beliefs and response patterns at play here.

The following beliefs can help improve self-esteem:

1. “I unconditionally accept myself”. Remember that you are alone. Never call yourself a fool, a loser, etc., even if you are wrong about something. You shouldn’t put stamps on yourself. Even self-criticism should be constructive. Criticize your actions, but never yourself!
   There are already a lot of people around who would gladly scold us. Always be on your side.
2. "I can do everything". It is completely normal that we may not succeed in something. But we shouldn’t assume that this is because of our personality, social status, appearance, and so on. For something to work out, you need to invest a lot of time and effort into it. It's not that we can't do something, but that we haven't worked hard enough on it.
3. “I'm just like everyone else”. When you understand this, a huge layer of problems gradually disappears. On the one hand, this allows you to really look at things and land from heaven to earth, and on the other hand, a person begins to understand that he can do anything.

Change your attitude towards others

Relationships with people make up a huge part of our lives. We are constantly confronted with other people and the consequences of their actions. Unfortunately, we don’t like everything. But there is absolutely no point in bemoaning it.

We all know how hard it is to change yourself, how much time you need to spend on it. Imagine how much time it would take to change others. Does anyone really want to lay their life on this?

Therefore, the actions of other people should be taken for granted, as an element of nature. Complain, get angry, stomp your feet - nothing will change. Other people are just as hostage to their beliefs and automatic thoughts as we are. This is their problem, not their fault.

Therefore, you should change your attitude towards them. The following beliefs will help you with this:

1. “Most bad behavior happens by accident or necessity.”. It is a big mistake to think that other people are trying to harm someone on purpose. Usually people don't even realize that they are making someone uncomfortable. Most evil happens by accident.
2. “There is no need to prove anything to anyone”. Many people spend their lives trying to prove that they are right. What for? It is pointless. Even if a person understands that you are right, he will still do what is convenient for him.
   And he has every right to do so.
   Therefore, you should not waste time on this. Misconceptions are the problem of those who are mistaken.
3. “Don’t expect anything from others”. Our ideas about how other people should act very often diverge from reality. This makes many people angry.
   If you don’t expect anything from a person, then it’s impossible to be disappointed in him. Everyone lives as best they can.
4. "I like people" Many people even say with some pride that they do not like the company of people. They probably want to emphasize their individualism. When you ask them “Why?”, many cannot answer. This means that the person simply decided not to love anyone. For no reason, just like that. Not realizing that by doing so he is ruining his life, because he still has to deal with people.

We deal with people every day. If we have a positive attitude towards people, then we get positive from interacting with them, if negative, then negative. So why ruin your life?

Loving people is great. After all, if you think about it, everyone is just trying to grab their own piece of happiness, just like you. Help them with this and maybe they will help you with your happiness.

Change your attitude towards things

Quite often people worry about things. Something broke, something was stolen, something was lost... Someone's car was scratched, their phone was stolen, their jeans were torn.

This happens all the time. Something always goes wrong. If you worry about it every time, you can die of sadness.

Things should be treated statistically. I once kept a list of broken things and discovered that year after year things would break down or have some other problem. I even calculated that this happens to 15% of all things, regardless of what I own.

Owning something is always temporary. You should accept this fact and not worry about it anymore. As they say, “God gave, God took.”

Change your attitude towards events

Not only good things happen in our lives, but also bad things happen. Whatever we do, it has been and will be. This cannot be changed, but you can change your attitude towards it.

Just imagine that your life is a box in which everything good and everything bad lies from the very beginning. You put your hand in it and pull it out as you need to. Whether you're lucky or not, it's just an illusion; you'll have to pull out everything you're supposed to.

As with things, there is a certain percentage of failures and sad events in our lives. All we can do is try to cope with such events. Personally, the saying helps me -"This too shall pass".

This is one of the most effective recipes for happiness.

Happiness is a choice

Everything I wrote about before were prerequisites. The most important secret is to simply say “I am happy.”

Remember at the beginning of the article I wrote that our emotions stem from the conclusions of our mind?

It's hard to believe at first, but if you repeat it to yourself often enough, it will become so.

To become a happy person you need to allow yourself to be one.

Summary

1. Formulate for yourself what you need to be happy
2. Happiness is feeling that your life is better today than it was yesterday.
3. Happiness is judging your life by what you have, not by what you don't have.
4. In order to become happy, you need to change your automatic response pattern from negative to positive.
5. Lead a healthy lifestyle
6. Have a positive attitude towards yourself and others
7. Don't worry about things
8. When something good happens, focus on the present. When something is bad, it is in the future.
9. No matter how difficult our life situation is, we can always say: “But I’m still happy!” And emotions will have no choice but to obey these words.